5 steps to remove yourself from drama at work | Anastasia Penright

Prevoditelj: Sara Poturica Recezent: Sanda L

Alright. I have a close, tight-knit circle of friends.

Dobro. Imam uzak, blisko povezan krug prijatelja.

We're all in different cities and we're all in different areas,

Svi smo u različitim gradovima i u različitim područjima rada,

from local news to city government

od lokalnih vijesti do gradske uprave,

to law, financial services ...

do prava, financijskih poslova...

And despite those different areas,

I unatoč tim različitim područjima rada,

we seem to share similar stories of workplace drama.

čini se da dijelimo slične drame na poslu.

Now, I define workplace drama as

Ja dramu na poslu definiram kao

an annoyance that adds additional stress to the job.

gnjavažu koja pridonosi dodatnom stresu na poslu.

So again, it's when people get on your nerves,

Dakle, to je kada vam ljudi idu na živce,

not the job itself.

a ne posao kao takav.

So as we're going through these stories,

Dok prepričavamo te priče,

shvaćam da mora postojati bolji način suživota s kolegama

I'm realizing there has to be a better way for us to coexist with our coworkers

without this much drama.

bez toliko drame.

So I created a few steps that have been working for me,

Tako da sam osmislila nekoliko koraka koji su mi pomogli

and I'm happy to share them with you guys today.

i sretna sam podijeliti ih danas s vama.

Step 1: rewind and reflect,

1. korak: premotaj i promisli,

also known as, "What did I do?"

također poznat kao: "Što sam učinio?"

I want you guys to all replay your most recent workplace drama situation

Želim da u glavi premotate zadnju scenu drame na poslu

in your head like a movie.

kao film.

Ignore all of the emotion and just focus on you.

Ignorirajte sve emocije i usredotočite se na sebe.

But for now, let's just think about this hypothetical:

No zasad, razmislimo hipotetski o ovome.

say you're on a group project,

Recimo da imate grupni projekt,

you each have your own individual assignments

svatko ima svoje individualne zadatke

and then you all divide up the work.

te svi podijelite posao.

But then someone becomes unresponsive --

A zatim se netko ogluši --

not answering calls, they go ghost.

ne odgovara na pozive, nestane kao duh.

Then you or someone else has to now pick up that additional slack.

Onda vi ili netko morate preuzeti dodatni posao.

So in a brief, small, very tiny lapse in judgment,

I tada u kratkoj, maloj, krivoj procjeni

you vent to the nearby coworker.

izjadate se kolegi do sebe.

Then all of a sudden, your ghost comes back,

I niotkuda, vaš se duh vraća,

and they surprisingly know everything you just said.

i, gle čuda, zna sve što ste rekli.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Now, what did I do in this situation?

Što sam napravila u takvoj situaciji?

I vented to someone who was not my confidant.

Izjadala sam se nekome s kime nisam bliska.

Why would I do that?

Zašto bih to učinila?

Sometimes we create this unspoken bond with people

Ponekad stvorimo nevidiljivu vezu s ljudima

that only exists in our heads.

koja postoji samo u našim glavama.

They don't owe me their discretion.

Ne duguju mi svoju diskreciju.

I just assumed it was there.

Samo sam pretpostavila da ona postoji.

So we're not going to go down a rabbit hole,

No nećemo ići u tom smjeru,

trying to figure out why they did that.

pokušati otkriti zašto su to učinili.

Nije važno. Učinili su to.

It doesn't matter. They did it.

But the goal in this step is self-reflection.

Ali cilj je ovog koraka samopreispitivanje.

We need to focus on what did we do

Moramo se usredotočiti na naše djelovanje

so we can avoid it in the future.

kako bismo ga izbjegli u budućnosti.

Step 2: come back to reality,

2. korak: vraćanje u stvarnost,

also known as, "It needs to stop."

također poznat kao: "To mora prestati."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

So you guys ever think about problems before you get to work?

Razmišljate li ikada o problemima prije nego odete na posao?

Oh -- it's just me?

Oh -- samo ja to radim?

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Well, I'm guilty of it.

E pa, kriva sam.

I think about all of these situations in my head,

U glavi razmišljam o svim tim situacijama

and then I get mad just thinking about it.

i onda postanem ljuta samo razmišljajući o njima.

So I'm telling myself, "No, you're just being prepared, Stacy."

I tako si kažem: "Ne, samo se pripremaš, Stacy."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

"You are just making sure that you can handle

"Samo se pripremaš da se možeš nositi

whatever they're about to throw at you."

s bilo čim što će te dočekati na poslu."

But you're not.

Ali ne činite to.

What you're really doing is setting yourself up

Zapravo stvarate sebi problem

and creating this anxiety in your head

i stvarate si nervozu u glavi

that doesn't exist.

koja ne postoji.

Then we also have to be careful about

Također, trebamo biti oprezni

listening to other people's made-up scenarios.

sa slušanjem izmišljenih scenarija drugih ljudi.

Here's what I mean.

Evo što pod time mislim.

Let's say you're in the break room,

Recimo da ste u sobi za odmor

and you're talking to some coworkers.

i pričate s nekim kolegama.

Then, all of a sudden, another coworker comes in.

Zatim niotkud ulazi drugi kolega.

Now, they seem to just be in deep thought --

Čini se zadubljen u svojim mislima --

not overly cheerful, but they're not rude.

nije baš raspoložen, ali nije bezobrazan.

They come in, they walk out.

Uđe i izađe iz sobe.

Then the coworkers over here begin to diagnose

Onda kolege počinju davati dijagnoze

what they feel is wrong with that person.

o tome što misle da nije u redu s tom osobom.

They're saying things like,

Pa kažu stvari poput:

"Oh, they're just mad they didn't get the job."

"Ma ljut je jer nije dobio posao."

Or they're saying, "Oh, no, no, no --

Ili kažu: "A ne, ne, ne --

uvijek je uzrujan u ovo vrijeme."

during this season, they're just always upset."

And you're sitting here like, yep, that must be it.

A vi samo sjedite i mislite si, pa da, sigurno je o tome riječ.

You're listening to this as if this is facts.

Slušate kao da su to činjenice.

Meanwhile, this coworker can be in deep thought

Međutim, taj kolega može biti zadubljen u svoje misli

about literally anything.

zbog doslovno bilo čega.

They could have just opened a pack of Starburst,

Mogao je otvoriti pakiranje Starbursta,

dobio je četiri žuta bombona

got four yellows back-to-back,

and they're just trying to figure out what happened.

i samo pokušava shvatiti što se dogodilo.

(Smijeh) (Pljesak)

(Laughter) (Applause)

But you're over here listening.

Ali vi to slušate.

And you're listening to their made-up scenario

A slušate njihove izmišljene scenarije

that now can impact

koji sada utječu na to

how you choose to interact with that person throughout the day.

kakvu ćete interakciju imati s tom osobom tijekom dana.

Whether we're creating fake stories in our head

Nebitno stvaramo li izmišljene priče u svojoj glavi

or listening to other people's made-up stories,

ili slušamo tuđe izmišljene priče,

it needs to stop.

to mora prestati.

The goal in this step:

Cilj je ovog koraka:

stop stressing over things that haven't happened.

prestanite se živcirati oko stvari koje se nisu dogodile.

Alright. Step 3:

Dobro. Treći korak:

vent and release.

dajte si oduška i otpustite sve loše.

It's good to have a vent buddy.

Treba imati frenda za jadanje.

This is your coach, your cheerleader,

To je vaš trener, navijač,

your therapist,

terapeut,

whatever you need them to be in the moment.

ili bilo tko drugi tko vam je potreban u tom trenutku.

This is not like that person in Step 1 that just happened to be in earshot.

To nije osoba kao iz prvog koraka koja nam se samo našla tu.

You have an established relationship with your vent buddy.

S frendom za jadanje imate čvrst odnos.

Now, here's another scenario.

Evo još jedan scenarij.

You're getting ready to tell a customer or a client

Spremate se reći korisniku ili klijentu

something that they just don't want to hear.

nešto što jednostavno ne žele čuti.

So, as you're in the middle of this spiel,

Usred ste govora,

up comes another coworker,

dolazi drugi kolega

and they interrupt you

i prekida vas

and then says the exact same thing you were saying.

te kaže identičnu stvar koju ste vi govorili.

You can't make a scene in front of a customer.

Ne možete napraviti scenu ispred korisnika.

So you just have to sit back, "Mm-hmm," and just listen as they do this.

Stoga samo sjedite u pozadini, "mhm" i slušate ga.

And you're burning up inside.

A iznutra gorite.

So what do we do?

I što napravimo?

We go to our vent buddy.

Izjadamo se frendu.

We talk about it. We get mad.

Pričamo o tome. Naljutimo se.

And that's the time for that. Get mad.

I sad je vrijeme za to. Naljutite se.

Get angry.

Razbjesnite se.

Curse, scream,

Psujte, vrištite,

do whatever you need to do to get it out.

činite štogod da biste to izbacili iz sebe.

Now here's the hard part:

Sad slijedi teži dio:

you then have to switch that tone to positivity.

morate to raspoloženje pretvoriti u nešto pozitivno.

I truly believe in positive and negative energy,

Zaista vjerujem u pozitivnu i negativnu energiju,

and it has a way of controlling our moods throughout the day.

koja ima moć kontrolirati naše raspoloženje tijekom dana.

You've got to think of things like, "OK, where do I go from here?

Morate razmišljati o stvarima na ovaj način: "Dobro, kako dalje?

What can I do differently?"

Što mogu učiniti drugačije?"

And then, if you're the vent buddy,

Ako ste frend kojem se jadaju,

it's your responsibility to lead your friend back to the positive.

vaša je odgovornost navesti prijatelja na viđenje pozitivnog.

Now, the other hard part:

A drugi teški dio:

you have to then apply those learnings to the situation.

morate naučeno primijeniti situaciji.

You can't carry that resentment around.

Ne možete nositi tu ljutnju okolo.

If you do, that one-off situation now becomes a pattern.

Ako to napravite, ta jedinstvena situacija postaje obrazac ponašanja.

Pattern behavior is harder to ignore than a one-off situation.

Obrazac ponašanja teže je ignorirati nego jedinstvenu situaciju.

The goal in this step is,

Cilj je ovog koraka:

"Let's turn our vent session into a productive conversation."

"Pretvorimo jadikovke u produktivan razgovor."

Step 4:

Četvrti korak:

learn a new language,

naučite novi jezik,

also known as, "We need to talk."

također poznat kao "moramo pričati".

Guys, I personally don't like to pick up the phone at work.

Ljudi, na poslu se, osobno, ne volim javljati na telefon.

I just don't.

Jednostavno ne volim.

I feel like whatever you need to say to me can be an instant message

Smatram da štogod mi trebate reći možete učiniti putem poruke

or an email.

ili emaila.

That is my work language.

To je moj radni jezik.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

The only problem with that,

Jedini problem s time,

you can't hear tone through an email.

ne možete odrediti ton putem maila.

I read emails the same way I speak,

Čitam mailove na isti način kako pričam

so I'm pretty sure I've misinterpreted some tones before,

te sam sigurna da sam u prošlosti pogrešno protumačila neke tonove,

unless I know you.

osim ako vas ne poznajem.

So here's an example.

Evo primjer.

I'm going to show you guys an email, and I want you to read it,

Pokazat ću vam email i želim da ga pročitate,

a onda ću ga ja pročitati naglas.

and then I'm going to read it out loud.

Alright, that was fast enough, you should have read it.

Dobro, dovoljno je brzo, trebali ste ga pročitati.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

"Stacy,

"Stacy,

Thank you for reaching out about my group.

hvala za javljanje o mojoj grupi.

At this time, we will not need any additional support.

Trenutno nam nije potrebna dodatna podrška.

Going forward, if I feel we need help, I'll ask, you won't have to reach out.

U budućnosti, ako bude potrebna podrška, pitat ću, ne trebaš se javljati.

Per my last email (attached below),

Što se tiče zadnjeg maila (u privitku),

I've outlined what I do, and what you do,

istaknuo sam što ja radim, a što ti,

so we can avoid this in the future.

tako da izbjegnemo ovo u budućnosti.

As always, thank you for your partnership!!"

Kao i uvijek, zahvaljujem ti se na suradnji!!"

Guys ...

Ljudi...

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

That's how you read it?

Tako ste i vi pročitali?

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Guys, there are certain words in there

Ljudi, određene riječi ovdje

that if you hear or if you see in an email,

koje ako čujete ili vidite u emailu,

it is safe to assume they typed it with their middle fingers.

možete sa sigurnošću pretpostaviti da su napisane srednjim prstom.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

I didn't know it then. I know it now.

To tada nisam znala. Ali sada znam.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

I think I messed up some people's emails. They're correcting them.

Mislim da sam uprskala nečije emailove. Ispravljaju ih.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

With all of that said,

Uzimajući rečeno u obzir,

you have to know when it is time to pick up the phone.

morate znati kada je potrebno javiti se na telefon.

You have to know when it is time to have a face-to-face.

Morati znati kada je vrijeme za razgovor licem u lice.

And these face-to-face conversations are not easy.

A ti razgovori licem u lice nisu jednostavni.

They are difficult, but they are necessary.

Komplicirani su, ali nužni.

The goal is to try to understand the other person's perspective.

Cilj je razumjeti gledište druge osobe.

So you'll start the conversation with things like,

Tako ćete započeti razgovor frazama kao:

"OK, you got upset when I ..."

"U redu, uzrujao si se kad sam ja..."

Or you'll say things like,

Ili ćete reći:

"OK, you already had the situation handled,

"U redu, imao si situaciju pod kontrolom,

and then I ..."

a onda sam ja..."

So that way, you can see exactly where they're coming from.

Na taj način možete razumjeti njihovu perspektivu.

Also, don't try to make people like you.

I nemojte pokušavati učiniti da vas vole.

We all have our own upbringings. We all have our experiences.

Svi smo drugačije odgajani. Svi imamo drugačija iskustva.

And we all have our own communication styles.

I svi imamo vlastiti stil komunikacije.

As the new generations are entering the workforce,

Kako nove generacije ulaze na tržište rada,

we're also adapting to it.

tako se prilagođavamo situaciji.

Meetings are now emails.

Sastanci su sada emailovi.

Emails are now texts.

Emailovi su poruke.

Off-sites are now Skype.

Sastanci na daljinu su Skype.

So as we're adjusting to that,

Prilagođavamo se tome

we need to at least try to understand

i moramo barem pokušati razumjeti

what type of style of communication they use.

kojim se stilom komunikacije služe.

The goal in that step

Cilj je ovog koraka

is to really understand their work language

uistinu razumjeti njihov radni jezik

and accept the fact that it may be different than yours.

i prihvatiti činjenicu da je možda drugačiji od vašeg.

Step 5: recognize and protect,

Peti korak: prepoznajte i zaštitite,

also known as, "We need to take a walk."

također poznat kao: "Moramo prošetati."

So here's my last scenario from one of my teacher friends.

Evo scenarij koji se dogodio mojoj prijateljici koja učiteljica.

You're about to have a meeting with a parent,

Uskoro trebate imati sastanak s roditeljem,

and prior to it, you and a coworker, you kind of discuss it,

i prije sastanka vi i kolega raspravljate o njemu,

and the coworker tells you, "It's alright, I got your back.

te vam kolega kaže: "U redu je, čuvam ti leđa.

I'm going to agree with your recommendations."

Složit ću se s tvojim preporukama."

So you're kind of side-eyeing them because they've burned you before,

Prijekorno ga pogledate jer ste se već opekli s njim,

but you've had the "we need to talk,"

ali imali ste "moramo pričati"

so you're like, "We're in sync now, I'm going to trust them."

te si mislite: "Sada se razumijemo, vjerovat ću mu."

You go through the meeting,

Održite sastanak,

the parent disagrees with you,

roditelj se ne slaže s vama

and like clockwork, the coworker agrees with the parent in front of you,

i točno kao sat, kolega se složi s roditeljem,

making you look ridiculous.

a vi ispadnete budala.

Again, we can't make a scene in front of people, right?

Opet, ne možemo napraviti scenu pred ljudima, zar ne?

So you've got to hold it in.

Zato morate to držati u sebi.

And then, after the meeting,

I onda, poslije sastanka,

that same coworker has all the audacity,

isti kolega dovoljno je drzak

comes up to you and says, "Crazy meeting, right?"

da vam priđe i kaže: "Kakav lud sastanak, zar ne?"

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Yeah.

Da.

They're testing you now. It's a test. (Laughs)

Sada vas testiraju. To je test. (Smijeh)

So that's the perfect time to just go off, right?

Sad je pravo vrijeme za eksplodirati, nije li?

This is a repeat offender.

Radi se o recidivistu.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

You walked away, and they came back with it.

Otišli ste, a oni su se vratili s tim.

But we're trying to avoid workplace drama, not take a cannonball leap into it,

No pokušavamo izbjeći dramu na radnom mjestu, a ne uskočiti u nju,

so we have to walk away.

stoga moramo odšetati.

You lead that conversation by taking the first available exit.

Vodite taj razgovor tako što ćete izaći na prvi izlaz.

You're not doing this for them.

Ne radite to zbog njih.

You're doing this for you.

Radite to zbog sebe.

You have to protect your energy.

Morate zaštititi svoju energiju.

Don't try to figure out why they would do this,

Ne pokušavajte shvatiti zašto bi to napravili

and no more coming-to-Jesus conversations.

i nema više prosvjetljujućih razgovora.

It is what it is, they did what they did,

Tako je kako je, napravili su to što jesu,

and given the opportunity, they'd probably do it again.

i da im se ukaže prilika, vjerojatno bi isto napravili.

But you now know that.

Ali to sada znate.

You now recognize that.

Sada to prepoznajete.

So that way, you can act accordingly.

Te tako možete reagirati u skladu s time.

We typically try to set expectations -- our expectations --

Obično imamo očekivanja -- naša očekivanja --

on other people,

od drugih ljudi,

and then get disappointed when they don't follow through.

i onda se razočaramo kada se ona ne ispune.

We have to learn to accept people where they are

Moramo naučiti prihvatiti ljude onakvima kakvi jesu

and adjust ourselves to handle those situations.

i prilagoditi se kako postupati u takvim situacijama.

The goal in this step

Cilj je ovog koraka

is to recognize when it is time to professionally walk away from someone.

prepoznati kada je vrijeme profesionalno napustiti nekoga.

Guys, I realize these steps may come off as saying, "Take the high road."

Shvaćam da koraci ispadaju kao da kažem: "Idi težim putem."

And people always say it. "Just take the high road."

I ljudi uvijek kažu: "Samo idi težim putem."

And they describe it as some elegant path of righteousness

I opisuju ga kao nekakav elegantan put pravednosti

filled with rainbows and unicorns.

ispunjen dugama i jednorozima.

It's not that.

Nije tako.

It's embarrassing.

Sramotan je.

It's humiliating.

Ponižavajuć.

It leaves this knot of resentment in the pit of your stomach.

Ostavlja osjećaj prezira u želucu.

And as you're traveling down this amazing high road,

I putujući tim nevjerojatnim težim putem,

you see billboards of things you shoulda said

vidite plakate stvari koje ste trebali reći

and things you shoulda did.

i stvari koje ste trebali napraviti.

You go over there and you look at the easy road,

Odete tamo i pogledate lakši put,

a ljudi tamo uživaju, ne brinu ni o čemu.

and they're chillin', not worried about a thing.

But I have to admit,

Ali moram priznati,

the more I travel down this road, it does get a little easier.

što više idem težim putem, to postaje malo lakše.

Petty situations, they don't bother me as much.

Beznačajne situacije me više ne diraju toliko.

I learn little nuggets here and there.

Naučila sam pokoji trik.

And as I continue down this path,

I kako idem dalje tim putem,

there seem to be more opportunities waiting for me.

čini se da ima sve više prilika koje me čekaju.

I have like-minded people who want to connect with me,

Imam istomišljenike oko sebe koji se žele povezati sa mnom,

projects that people want me on,

projekte na kojima me ljudi žele,

leaders reaching out

čelnike koji se javljaju

because they heard about me through someone else.

jer su čuli za mene od nekoga drugog.

And the best part?

A najbolji dio?

The need to even look at the easy road

Potreba za lakšim putem

is no longer there.

više ne postoji.

Guys, we're not going to change the way adults act in the workplace.

Ljudi, nećemo promijeniti kako se odrasli ponašaju na radnom mjestu.

We are not.

Jednostavno nećemo.

And for that reason, there will always be workplace drama.

I iz tog razloga, uvijek će postojati drama na poslu.

But if we stick to these steps

Ali ako se držimo ovih koraka

and put in the work that comes with it,

i uložimo trud koji iziskuju,

we can learn to avoid it.

možemo naučiti izbjeći dramu.

Guys, thank you for being my vent buddies.

Hvala vam što ste bili moj ispušni ventil.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And thank you so much for your time.

I puno vam hvala na vašem vremenu.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)