The best way to help is often just to listen | Sophie Andrews

翻译人员: Huang Jingwen 校对人员: Frank Wang

After cutting her arm with a broken glass,

她在火车站站台上 用一块碎玻璃划破手腕，

she fell into a fitful, exhausted sleep on the railway station platform.

然后陷入了断断续续， 疲惫不堪的梦魇。

Early in the morning, when the station toilets were opened,

清晨，当车站厕所对公众开放时，

she got painfully to her feet, and made her way over to them.

她拖着疼痛的双腿，走向厕所。

When she saw her reflection in the mirror,

她看着镜子中的自己，

she started to cry.

突然哭了起来。

Her face was dirty and tearstained;

她的脸污浊不堪，满是泪痕；

her shirt was ripped and covered in blood.

身上的衬衫破破烂烂，布满血迹。

She looked as if she'd been on the streets for three months, not three days.

她看起来就像已经露宿街头三个月， 而不是仅仅三天。

She washed herself as best she could.

她用尽全力把自己清洗干净，

Her arms and stomach were hurting badly.

她的手臂和腹部都钻心地疼。

She tried to clean the wounds,

想清理伤口，

but any pressure she applied just started the bleeding again.

可是伤口一经按压就会再次流血。

She needed stitches, but there was no way she would go to a hospital.

她需要缝补伤口，但却没办法去医院。

They'd have sent her back home again.

因为之前医院的人又把她送回了家，

Back to him.

回到他的掌控之下。

She tightened her jacket --

她裹紧夹克——

well, fastened her jacket tightly to cover the blood.

以便挡住斑斑血迹。

She looked back at herself in the mirror.

她又重新看着镜子里的自己，

She looked a little better than before but was past caring.

她看起来正常了一些， 但是这已经不重要了。

There was only one thing she could think of doing.

她心里只想着一件事。

She came out of the station and into a phone box nearby.

她走出车站，走进了附近一个电话亭。

(Telephone rings)

（电话铃声）

(Telephone rings)

（电话铃声）

Woman: Samaritans, can I help you?

一个女士：这里是撒玛利亚会， 有什么需要吗？

Hello, Samaritans. Can I help you?

你好，这里是撒玛利亚会， 我能为您做些什么？

Girl: (Crying) I -- I don't know.

女孩：（哭泣）我——我不知道。

Woman: What's happened? You sound very upset.

女士：怎么了？你听起来很难过。

(Girl cries)

（女孩的哭声）

Woman: Why not start with your name?

女士：先告诉我你的名字好吗？

I'm Pam. What can I call you?

我是 Pam，该怎么称呼你呢？

Where are you speaking from?

你在哪里打电话？

Are you safe?

现在安全吗？

Girl: It's a phone box in London.

女孩：我在伦敦的一个电话亭里。

Pam: You sound very young. How old are you?

Pam：感觉你年纪很小，你多大了呀？

Girl: Fourteen.

女孩：十四岁。

Pam: And what's happened to make you so upset?

Pam：为什么这么难过呢？

Girl: I just want to die. Every day I wake up and wish I was dead.

女孩：我只想去死，每天早上醒来 都希望自己已经死了。

If he doesn't kill me, then, I think, I want to do it myself.

我想，如果他没有杀了我，我就自杀。

Pam: I'm glad you called.

Pam：我很庆幸你能打电话来。

Let's start at the beginning.

现在跟我说说你的经历吧。

Sophie Andrews: Pam continued to gently ask the girl about herself.

苏菲·安德鲁兹：Pam 继续温柔地 询问有关小女孩的事情。

She didn't say much; there were lots of silences.

女孩说的很少，很长时间都在沉默。

But she knew she was there,

但是 Pam 知道她还在，

and having Pam on the end of the phone felt so comforting.

因为有 Pam 的聆听，她得到了安抚。

The 14-year-old that made that call was me.

我就是那个 14 岁的女孩，

That was me in the phone box.

那个在电话亭打电话的女孩。

I was running away from home, sleeping rough on the streets in London.

我从家里逃出来，睡在伦敦的街头。

I was being sexually abused by my father and his friends.

我的父亲和他的朋友 对我实施了性虐待。

I was self-harming every day. I was suicidal.

自残自杀的念头整天缠绕着我。

The first time I called Samaritans, I was 12 and absolutely desperate.

我第一次联系撒玛利亚会 是 12 岁的时候。

It was a few months after my mother had deserted me,

几个月前我的母亲抛弃了我， 独自离开家，

walked out and left me in the family home.

我感到无比绝望。

And the abuse I was suffering at the hands of my father and his friends

我父亲和他朋友带给我的伤害

had left me a total wreck.

将我彻底击垮。

I was running away, I was missing school,

我逃出家门，想回到学校。

I was arriving drunk.

我醉醺醺地到了学校，

I was without hope and wanted to die.

只剩下绝望，只想结束生命。

And that's where Samaritans came in.

这个时候撒玛利亚会出现了。

Samaritans has been around since 1953.

撒玛利亚会在 1953 年左右成立，

It's a 24/7 confidential helpline in the UK

是英国一个全天候开放 的机密服务热线，

for anyone who might be feeling desperate or suicidal.

旨在帮助任何感到绝望 或有自杀倾向的人，

Which I certainly was.

就像我曾经那样。

Volunteers answer the phone around the clock every day of the year,

每时每刻都会有志愿者接听电话，

and calls are confidential.

并且电话内容是对外保密的。

During my teenage years, when I was most desperate,

青少年时期，每当我陷入极端的绝望，

Samaritans became my lifeline.

撒玛利亚会都会成为我活下去的支柱。

They promised me total confidentiality.

他们向我保证，绝不会泄露对话内容，

And that allowed me to trust them.

所以我愿意相信他们。

Disturbing as they no doubt found my story, they never showed it.

他们无疑为我的遭遇感到担忧， 但却没有表现出来，

They were always there for me and listened without judgment.

只是陪着我，聆听我，不做主观臆测。

Mostly, they gently encouraged me to get help;

他们总是鼓励我，让我去寻求帮助。

I never felt out of control with them --

和他们交流的时候，我从来没有失控过，

an interesting parallel,

然而相比之下，

as I felt so out of control in every other aspect of my life.

我生命的其他部分全都失控了。

It felt my self-harm was probably the only area

似乎只有自残才是我唯一

where I felt I had any control.

可以掌控的东西。

A few years later, I managed to get some control in my life.

几年后，我开始能够控制我的生活。

And I had appropriate support around me

我从身边得到了一些支持，

to allow me to live with what had happened.

让我能放下过去，好好生活。

I had become a survivor of abuse rather than a victim.

我在虐待中生存下来，没有被摧毁。

And at 21, I contacted Samaritans again.

21岁的时候，我再一次 联系了撒玛利亚会，

This time because I wanted to become a volunteer.

因为我想成为一名志愿者，

Wanted to pay something back

来回馈他们带给我的帮助，

to the organization that had really saved my life.

因为是撒玛利亚会拯救了我。

I knew that the simple act of listening in an empathetic way

我知道，感同身受地 聆听他人虽然简单，

could have a profound effect.

却可以产生神奇的效果。

I knew that somebody listening to me without judgment

我知道，剔除主观臆测的聆听

would make the biggest difference.

将产生巨大的影响。

So I caught up with my education,

所以我努力学习，接受教育，

found someone I could persuade to give me a job,

还找到了一份工作。

and I enjoyed my volunteering at Samaritans.

我享受在撒玛利亚会 做志愿者的时光。

And when I say "enjoyed," it's an odd word to use,

“享受”这个词用在这里似乎有些奇怪，

because no one would want to think of anyone

因为没有人希望他人

being in absolute distress or pain.

被困在无尽的悲惨和痛苦当中。

But I knew that that profound impact of that listening ear

但是我知道，倾听有很大的帮助，

and someone being alongside me at that desperate time

那些曾经在我绝望之时， 认真聆听我的人，

had the biggest impact,

对我来说最为重要，

and I felt a great sense of fulfillment

能够在撒玛利亚会帮助他人

that I was able to help people as a Samaritan.

让我有一种深深的满足感。

In my years volunteering at Samaritans, I was asked to perform many roles.

在撒玛利亚会做志愿的岁月里， 我扮演过许多角色。

But I guess the peak came in 2008,

不过我想，高潮出现在 2008 年，

when I was asked to chair the organization for three years.

当时我被任命为会长，为期三年。

So I had actually gone from that vulnerable caller

我曾经作为一个急需帮助的可怜人

in the phone box, desperate for help,

在电话亭里打求助电话，

to being the national lead for the organization

现在，作为撒玛利亚会的全国领导者，

and responsible for 22,000 volunteers.

我要为 22000 名志愿者负责。

I actually used to joke at the time

那个时候我常常跟他们开玩笑说，

and say if you really screwed up as a caller,

如果你曾经打过这里的求助电话，

you might end up running the place.

那你最终可能会成为这里的管理者。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Which I did.

就像我一样。

But I guess in a world which is dominated by professionalizing everything we do,

但我想，尽管许多高深专业 的工作主导着这个世界，

I really understood that that simple act of listening

简单的聆听

could have such a life-changing effect.

却可以彻底改变生活。

I guess it's a simple concept

这是最简单的理念，

that can be applied across all areas of life.

可以应用到生活的方方面面。

So in the 1980s, when I called Samaritans,

在 20 世纪 80 年代， 我向撒玛利亚会求助的时候，

child abuse was a subject no one wanted to talk about.

没有人愿意谈论虐童问题。

Victims were often blamed, victims were often judged.

受害者们常常被指责，被揣测。

And it was a topic of shame, and no one really wanted to talk about it.

没人愿意谈论它， 因为觉得那是奇耻大辱。

Today, judgment and shame surround a different issue.

今天，另一个问题也被臆测，

There's a different stigma that's out there.

被视为耻辱，

And the stigma that's there today is to talk about loneliness.

那就是孤独。

Loneliness and isolation have profound health impacts.

孤独寂寞这种精神状态 对健康影响很大，

Being lonely can have a significant impact on your own well-being.

会严重影响精神健康。

Recent systematic review of research

最近一项研究对此 进行了系统的考察，

actually said that it increased the mortality rates,

证明孤独增加了死亡率，

or premature death rates,

或者说导致死亡时间提前

by up to 30 percent.

高达 30%。

It can lead to higher blood pressure, higher levels of depression,

孤独还能引发高血压，加重抑郁程度，

and actually aligned to mortality rates

因酗酒或吸烟

that might be more associated with alcohol abuse or smoking cigarettes.

导致的死亡机率也因此增加。

Loneliness is actually more harmful that smoking 15 cigarettes.

相比一天吸 15 根烟——是每天， 不是一辈子吸 15 根——

A day.

孤独对人体的危害

Not in your life, in your day.

要大得多。

It's also associated with higher levels of dementia.

孤独还会引发严重的老年痴呆。

So a recent study also found

最近一项研究还发现，

that lonely people are twice at risk of Alzheimer's disease.

感到孤独的人患阿尔兹海默症 的机率是一般人的两倍。

Of course, there's many people that live alone who are not lonely.

当然，很多一个人生活 的人并不感到孤独，

But being a caregiver for a partner that maybe has dementia

但是照顾可能患有痴呆症的人

can be a very lonely place.

却是一项孤独的工作。

And a recent landmark study gave us a very good, clear definition

最近一项里程碑式的的研究 对孤独进行了

of what loneliness is.

恰当、清晰的定义，

And it said it's a subjective, unwelcome feeling

这是一种由缺少或丧失陪伴引起的

of a lack or loss of companionship.

主观、消极的感受。

And it happens when there's a mismatch

当我们所拥有的人际关系 与期望的人际关系

between the quality and the quantity of relationships that we have

在质量与数量上不匹配时，

and those that we want.

孤独就产生了。

Now in my life, the best help I've ever received

在我的生命中，别人私下对我的关心，

has been from those personal connections

他人对我耐心的聆听，

and being listened to in an empathetic way.

对我来说是最好的帮助。

Professionals, and I'm conscious I'm speaking to a room of professionals,

我知道在坐的各位都是专业人士，

你们也扮演着重要的角色。

have a very important place.

But for me, a volunteer giving up their time

但是对我来说，那些志愿者愿意花时间

and listening to me without judgment in a confidential way,

愿意剔除臆测， 保守秘密来倾听我的诉说，

had such a huge, life-changing effect for me.

已经给我的生活带来 天翻地覆的改变。

And that was something that really stayed with me.

这种改变始终陪伴着我。

So as you will have gathered, in my teenage years,

大家都已经了解，在我的少年时期，

I was off the rails, I was going every day wondering if I'd even live the next day.

我的生活脱离了轨道， 每天都在想还要不要活下去，

But that profound impact of the volunteer listening to me stayed with me.

但是那位志愿者给我带来的影响 始终陪伴着我。

When I finally got to a point in my life

终于，我的人生迎来了转折点，

where I felt I could live with what had happened,

我可以放下过去，好好生活。

I wanted to pay something back.

所以我想要做出回馈。

And in my experience,

我知道，

people who have been helped in a transforming way

那些得到帮助从而获得改变的人们，

always want to pay something back.

也都想做些事情来帮助他人。

So I started paying back by my 25 years volunteering with Samaritans.

所以我在撒玛利亚会 做了 25 年志愿者，以此作为回报。

And then, in 2013,

2013 年，

picking up on that whole issue and the new stigma of loneliness,

我意识到孤独问题已经成为 人们不愿启齿的遭遇，

I launched a new national helpline in the UK for older people,

于是在英国发起了一条 新的服务热线来帮助老年人，

called The Silver Line,

叫做 “The Silver Line”，

which is there to support lonely and isolated older people.

致力于帮助孤独寂寞的老年人。

In our short history, we've taken 1.5 million calls.

尽管成立的时间很短， 但我们已经接听了 150 万个电话。

And I know we're having a big impact, based on the feedback we get every day.

我们每天都会获得反馈， 我们的影响力在扩大。

Some people might be calling up for a friendly chat,

一些人打电话来， 是想进行一场愉快的交流，

maybe some information about local services.

或者询问当地的一些服务信息。

Some might be calling because they're suicidal.

还有些人打电话来， 是因为他们有自杀倾向，

Some might be calling up because they're reporting abuse.

或者想要举报虐待事件。

And some quite simply, as I was, may have simply just given up on life.

也有些人，像我曾经那样， 想要放弃生命。

I guess it's a really simple idea, setting up a helpline.

开通一道热线， 这是多么简单的一件事。

And I look back to those early days

我回想起早些时候，

when I had the lofty title, I still have, of chief exec, but in the early days,

我还拥有首席执行官 的崇高称号的时候，

I was chief exec of myself.

也同时是我自己的 CEO。

Which, I have to say, I had the best meetings ever in my career --

这应该是我职业生涯中 最棒的一次会议了——

（笑声）

(Laughter)

成为自己的 CEO。

as chief exec of myself.

But things have moved on, and now in 2017,

时光流转，现在已经是 2017 年，

we have over 200 staff listening to older people

我们已经拥有超过 200 名 接听老年人热线的员工，

every day of the year, 24/7.

保证热线全天候工作。

We also have over 3,000 volunteers making weekly friendship calls

我们也拥有 3000 多名志愿者

from their own home.

每周在家里接听热线。

We also, for people that like the written word,

我们也为喜欢写字的人 提供写信的渠道，Sliver Letter，

offer Silver Letters, and we write pen-pal letters

然后以笔友的身份

to older people who still enjoy receiving a letter.

给期望收到信件的老年人回信。

And we also have introduced something called Silver Circles --

我们还创立了Silver Circles——

你会发现，我们所有活动名称前

you notice I'm owning the word "silver" here --

都有“Silver”这个词—— 这是我们的标志。

put "silver" in front of it and it's ours.

Silver Circles 是一系列 群体会谈形式的电话，

Silver Circles are group conference calls

人们可以在此谈论共同的爱好。

where people actually talk about shared interests.

My favorite group is the music group,

我最喜欢的是音乐组，

where people, every week, play musical instruments

每周都有人演奏乐器，

down the phone to each other.

透过电话，互相演奏给对方听。

Not always the same tune at the same time.

不过有时候也会跑调。

(Laughter)

（笑）

But they do have fun.

但是他们真的很开心。

And "fun" is an interesting word,

“开心”这个词挺有趣，

because I've talked very much about desperation, loneliness and isolation.

因为我之前谈论的 都是绝望、孤独和寂寞。

But if you came to our helpline in the UK, you would also hear laughter.

但是如果你拨打我们 在英国的热线，就可以听到欢笑声。

Because at the Silver Line,

因为在 Silver Line，

we do want to cherish the wonderful lives of older people

我们真切地希望留住 老年人们精彩的生活，

and all the experiences that they bring.

记住他们带来的经历。

So here's an example, just a snippet of one of our calls.

这里有一个例子，是我们 其中一个热线电话的片段。

(Audio) Good morning, you're through to the Silver Line.

（音频）早上好，您拨打的是Silver Line。

我是 Alan，我能为您做些什么呢？

My name's Alan, how can I help?

女士：你好 Alan，早安。

Woman: Hello, Alan. Good morning.

Alan: Hello.

Alan：您好。

Woman: (Chipper) Hello!

女士：（语调欢快）你好呀！

Alan：您今天早上过的好吗？

Alan: Oh, how are you this morning?

Woman: I'm alright, thank you.

女士：挺好的，谢谢你。

ALan：很高兴听到您说一切都好。

Alan: I'm pleased to hear it.

女士：电话真是个好东西，对吧？

Woman: What a wonderful thing the telephone is, you know?

Alan: It's a remarkable invention, isn't it?

Alan：很伟大的发明，对不对？

Woman: I remember when I was a little girl,

女士：我记得，我还是个小女孩的时候，

donkey's years ago,

那是很久很久以前了，

if you wanted to make a phone call to somebody,

如果想要给别人打电话，

you had to go to a shop

必须要跑到商店里去，

and use the telephone of the shop

用商店里的电话，

and pay the shop for using the telephone and have your phone call.

付了钱才能打。

So you didn't make phone calls just whenever you fancied.

所以人们当时并不能 随心所欲地打电话。

Alan：真是遗憾。

Alan: Oh, no.

Woman: (Coughs) Oh, sorry.

女士：（咳嗽）抱歉。

(Coughs)

（咳嗽）

Excuse me about that.

不好意思。

You had to, you know,

当时，

confine your phone calls to the absolute essentials.

人们只有在最有必要的时候 才能打电话。

And now, here I am, sitting in my own home in my dressing gown still,

但是现在，我穿着睡袍， 坐在自己家里打着电话，

and using the telephone, isn't it wonderful?

多棒呀！

Alan: It is. (Laughter)

Alan：是很棒！ （笑声）

SA: And that's not untypical of a call we might receive at our helpline.

SA：我们接听的电话中， 这样的情况并不少见。

That's someone who really sees us as part of the family.

这些人真的把我们视为家人。

So Silver Line, I guess, are now helping older people

所以 Sliver Line 像撒玛利亚会

in the same way that Samaritans has helped me.

帮助我一样帮助着老年人。

They're there 24/7, they're listening confidentially

接听人员每时每刻都在线， 认真聆听，完全保密，

and quite often not giving any advice.

一般不会提供任何建议。

How often do we really ever listen without giving advice?

我们有多久没有 只是聆听而不提供建议了？

It's actually quite hard.

这真的很难。

Quite often on the phone calls, an older person would say,

我们经常会在电话上听到老年人说，

"Could you give me some advice, please?"

“你能不能给我一些建议？”

And 20 minutes later, they say, "Thank you for your advice,"

20 分钟后，他们会说， “谢谢你的建议”。

and we realize we haven't given any.

但其实我们根本没有提供任何建议。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

我们一直在接听，从未打断来访者，

We've listened and listened, and we haven't interrupted.

But to that person, maybe we have given advice.

但是或许对于那个人来说， 我们的确提供了建议。

We recently conducted a survey at The Silver Line

最近，我们对 The Silver Line 进行了一项反馈调查，

to 3,000 older people, to ask them what they thought of the service.

询问 3000 名老人对 这一热线服务的看法。

And one person quite simply came back and said,

其中有一个人说，

for the first time in her life,

她播打这个热线以后，

she had what we would call in the sport cricket a wicketkeeper,

人生第一次开始扮演 一名板球守门员的角色，

and what you would call in baseball, a catcher.

或者你们说的棒球捕手那样，

I've been here 48 hours, and I'm talking American.

我来这儿才两天， 说话就带有美国范儿了，

They will not recognize me when I get home.

等我回到英国， 他们肯定都认不出我来了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But for the first time in her life, she had that catcher,

但是人生中第一次当这样的“捕手”，

which is really, really important.

对她来说真的很重要。

And now it's come full circle, because actually,

如今 Sliver Line 成了一条完整的专线，

people that are calling Silver Line and needing a catcher

给热线致电以 寻求帮助的人越来越多，

are now becoming catchers themselves by putting something back

他们同样做出了相应的回馈， 如今也开始帮助他人，

and becoming volunteers and becoming part of our family.

他们以志愿者的身份， 加入了我们的大家庭。

So I end my talk, really, where I started, talking about my own personal experience.

就如演讲开始那样， 我也想用自己的经历结束这个演讲。

Because when I talk about my life, I often say that I've been lucky.

每次我谈论起自己的生活，都倍感幸运。

And people generally ask me why.

人们就会问为什么会感到幸运。

And it's because, at every stage of my life,

这是因为，在我人生的每个阶段，

I have been lucky enough to have someone alongside me at the right time

在关键时刻总有贵人相助，

who maybe has believed in me,

他们信任我。

which in turn has helped me

这种信任转而帮助我

just to believe a little bit more in myself, which has been so important.

更加相信我自己，这真的非常重要。

And everyone needs a catcher at some point in their lives.

每个人的生命中都要有一个“捕手”。

This is my catcher.

那么 Pam

So that's Pam.

就是我的“捕手”。

And she answered the call to me

她在 30 多年前，

when I was that 14-year-old in the phone box, over 30 years ago.

我 14 岁的时候接听了我拨打的电话。

So never, ever underestimate the power of a simple human connection.

所以千万不要低估 人与人之间简单的交流，

Because it can be and so often is the power to save a life.

因为它会转化为挽救生命的力量。

Thank you.

谢谢大家。

(Applause)

（掌声）