The best way to help is often just to listen | Sophie Andrews

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Marssi Draw

After cutting her arm with a broken glass,

她用碎玻璃割了手臂之後，

she fell into a fitful, exhausted sleep on the railway station platform.

在火車站月臺上陷入了 斷斷續續、讓她疲憊不堪的昏睡。

Early in the morning, when the station toilets were opened,

一大早，當車站廁所打開時，

she got painfully to her feet, and made her way over to them.

她痛苦地站起來，朝廁所前進。

When she saw her reflection in the mirror,

當她在鏡子中看見自己的倒影，

she started to cry.

她開始哭泣。

Her face was dirty and tearstained;

她的臉上又是髒污又是淚痕；

her shirt was ripped and covered in blood.

她的上衣被扯破，上面都是血。

She looked as if she'd been on the streets for three months, not three days.

她看起來已經流落街頭 三個月，不是三天。

She washed herself as best she could.

她盡可能把自己清洗乾淨。

Her arms and stomach were hurting badly.

她的手臂和胃部都非常痛。

She tried to clean the wounds,

她試著清潔傷口，

but any pressure she applied just started the bleeding again.

但她只要施壓就會再次造成流血。

She needed stitches, but there was no way she would go to a hospital.

她的傷口需要縫起來， 但她不要去醫院。

They'd have sent her back home again.

他們會再次把她送回家。

Back to him.

送回他身邊。

She tightened her jacket --

她把外套拉緊──

well, fastened her jacket tightly to cover the blood.

嗯，把外套繫緊，遮住血跡。

She looked back at herself in the mirror.

她回頭看向鏡中的自己。

She looked a little better than before but was past caring.

她看起來比以前好一點， 但她早就不在乎了。

There was only one thing she could think of doing.

她只能想到一件要做的事。

She came out of the station and into a phone box nearby.

她出了車站，到了 附近的一個電話亭中。

(Telephone rings)

（電話鈴響）

(Telephone rings)

（電話鈴響）

Woman: Samaritans, can I help you?

女子：撒瑪利亞會，我能協助您嗎？

Hello, Samaritans. Can I help you?

哈囉，撒瑪利亞會，我能協助您嗎？

Girl: (Crying) I -- I don't know.

女孩：（哭泣）我──我不知道。

Woman: What's happened? You sound very upset.

女子：發生了什麼事？ 妳聽起來非常沮喪。

(Girl cries)

（女孩哭泣）

Woman: Why not start with your name?

女子：我們先從 妳的名字開始，好嗎？

I'm Pam. What can I call you?

我是潘姆。我要如何稱呼妳？

Where are you speaking from?

妳在哪裡講電話？

Are you safe?

妳安全嗎？

Girl: It's a phone box in London.

女孩：我在倫敦的一個電話亭裡。

Pam: You sound very young. How old are you?

潘姆：妳聽起來很年輕。妳幾歲？

Girl: Fourteen.

女孩：十四歲。

Pam: And what's happened to make you so upset?

潘姆：發生了什麼事， 讓妳這麼沮喪？

Girl: I just want to die. Every day I wake up and wish I was dead.

女孩：我只想死。 每天我起床都希望我死了。

If he doesn't kill me, then, I think, I want to do it myself.

如果他沒有殺了我， 那我想，我也會親自下手。

Pam: I'm glad you called.

潘姆：我很高興妳打來了。

Let's start at the beginning.

我們從頭開始吧。

Sophie Andrews: Pam continued to gently ask the girl about herself.

蘇菲安德魯斯：潘姆繼續溫柔地 問這個女孩關於她的事。

She didn't say much; there were lots of silences.

她沒有說很多；很多時候是沉默。

But she knew she was there,

但她知道她在那裡，

and having Pam on the end of the phone felt so comforting.

有潘姆在電話的另一端， 感覺很讓人欣慰。

The 14-year-old that made that call was me.

打這通電話的十四歲女孩，就是我。

That was me in the phone box.

在電話亭中的人是我。

I was running away from home, sleeping rough on the streets in London.

我離家出走，睡在倫敦街頭。

I was being sexually abused by my father and his friends.

我被我父親和他的朋友性虐待。

I was self-harming every day. I was suicidal.

我每天都會自殘。我有自殺傾向。

The first time I called Samaritans, I was 12 and absolutely desperate.

我十二歲時第一次打給 撒瑪利亞會時，當時非常絕望。

It was a few months after my mother had deserted me,

那是在我母親拋棄我的幾個月之後，

walked out and left me in the family home.

她離開了，把我留在家裡。

And the abuse I was suffering at the hands of my father and his friends

我受到我父親和他的朋友性虐待，

had left me a total wreck.

讓我完全垮了。

I was running away, I was missing school,

我會逃家，我沒去上學，

I was arriving drunk.

我會喝醉。

I was without hope and wanted to die.

我沒有希望且一心想死。

And that's where Samaritans came in.

在這時，撒瑪利亞會介入了。

Samaritans has been around since 1953.

撒瑪利亞會從 1953 年就在了。

It's a 24/7 confidential helpline in the UK

它是在英國的全年無休 保密諮詢服務電話，

for anyone who might be feeling desperate or suicidal.

對象是感到絕望或想自殺的人。

Which I certainly was.

我肯定就是其一。

Volunteers answer the phone around the clock every day of the year,

每年每天，整天整夜 都有志工會接電話，

and calls are confidential.

電話都是保密的。

During my teenage years, when I was most desperate,

在我十幾歲最絕望的時候，

Samaritans became my lifeline.

撒瑪利亞會成了我的生命線。

They promised me total confidentiality.

他們向我保證會完全保密。

And that allowed me to trust them.

那讓我能夠信任他們。

Disturbing as they no doubt found my story, they never showed it.

他們肯定覺得我的故事很不舒服， 但他們都沒表現出來。

They were always there for me and listened without judgment.

他們總是在那裡協助我， 傾聽，沒有評斷。

Mostly, they gently encouraged me to get help;

通常，他們會溫柔地鼓勵我去求助；

I never felt out of control with them --

和他們談話時，我從未感到失控──

an interesting parallel,

很有趣的對比，

as I felt so out of control in every other aspect of my life.

因為我在人生中其他 每個面向都感到很失控。

It felt my self-harm was probably the only area

我覺得，自我傷害可能是唯一

where I felt I had any control.

讓我覺得能掌控的領域。

A few years later, I managed to get some control in my life.

幾年後，我想辦法在 我的人生中取得一些控制。

And I had appropriate support around me

我周邊有著適當的支持，

to allow me to live with what had happened.

讓我能帶著這段往事活下去。

I had become a survivor of abuse rather than a victim.

我成了虐待的倖存者，而非受害者。

And at 21, I contacted Samaritans again.

二十一歲時，我再次 聯絡了撒瑪利亞會。

This time because I wanted to become a volunteer.

這次是因為我想要當志工。

Wanted to pay something back

我想做點什麼來回報

to the organization that had really saved my life.

這個真的救了我一命的組織。

I knew that the simple act of listening in an empathetic way

我知道「傾聽」這個簡單的行為

是種可能具有深遠影響的同理方式。

could have a profound effect.

I knew that somebody listening to me without judgment

我知道若有人能不帶著評斷 只是傾聽我說話，

would make the biggest difference.

就能造成最大的不同。

So I caught up with my education,

後來我把學歷補齊，

found someone I could persuade to give me a job,

說服了一個人給我一份工作，

and I enjoyed my volunteering at Samaritans.

我很享受我在 撒瑪利亞會的志工工作。

And when I say "enjoyed," it's an odd word to use,

我知道用「享受」這個詞很奇怪，

because no one would want to think of anyone

因為沒有人會想要知道有任何人

being in absolute distress or pain.

身在極度的悲痛或痛苦當中。

But I knew that that profound impact of that listening ear

但我知道傾聽有多深刻的影響，

and someone being alongside me at that desperate time

在絕望的時候若有人在身邊

had the biggest impact,

影響會極大，

and I felt a great sense of fulfillment

我感到很高的滿足感，

that I was able to help people as a Samaritan.

我是撒瑪利亞會人，我在幫助人。

In my years volunteering at Samaritans, I was asked to perform many roles.

在撒瑪利亞會當志工的這些年間， 我被要求扮演許多角色。

But I guess the peak came in 2008,

但我想高峰期是在 2008 年，

when I was asked to chair the organization for three years.

他們請我主持這個組織三年。

So I had actually gone from that vulnerable caller

所以，我從一個極度需要協助

in the phone box, desperate for help,

而在電話亭中打電話給志工的人，

to being the national lead for the organization

變成了這個組織的全國領導人，

and responsible for 22,000 volunteers.

負責兩萬兩千名志工。

I actually used to joke at the time

我在那時會開玩笑說，

and say if you really screwed up as a caller,

如果你真的慘到要打電話求助，

you might end up running the place.

最後可能會去經營那個地方。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Which I did.

我就是這樣。

But I guess in a world which is dominated by professionalizing everything we do,

但我想，這個世界的主流是要 把我們做的每件事都職業化，

I really understood that that simple act of listening

我真的能了解「傾聽」 這個簡單的行為

could have such a life-changing effect.

會有能改變生命的影響力。

I guess it's a simple concept

它是個簡單的概念，

that can be applied across all areas of life.

可以應用在人生的所有領域中。

So in the 1980s, when I called Samaritans,

在八〇年代，我打電話 給撒瑪利亞會時，

child abuse was a subject no one wanted to talk about.

虐待孩童是沒有人想要談論的主題。

Victims were often blamed, victims were often judged.

受害者通常會被責怪， 受害者通常會被評斷。

And it was a topic of shame, and no one really wanted to talk about it.

它是一個可恥的話題， 沒有人想要談它。

Today, judgment and shame surround a different issue.

現今，評斷和羞恥 圍繞著不同的議題。

There's a different stigma that's out there.

現在外頭的汙名不同了。

And the stigma that's there today is to talk about loneliness.

現今，談論孤獨就會被冠上汙名。

Loneliness and isolation have profound health impacts.

孤獨和孤立對健康有很深的影響。

Being lonely can have a significant impact on your own well-being.

孤獨可能會對你的 安康有重大的影響。

Recent systematic review of research

近期，一篇對研究做的系統性評論

actually said that it increased the mortality rates,

提到孤獨真的會增加死亡率，

or premature death rates,

或是早產兒的死亡率，

by up to 30 percent.

提升 30% 之多。

It can lead to higher blood pressure, higher levels of depression,

孤獨可能會導致更高的血壓、 更高度的憂鬱，

and actually aligned to mortality rates

且會造成酒精濫用或是抽煙

that might be more associated with alcohol abuse or smoking cigarettes.

而使得死亡率提高。

Loneliness is actually more harmful that smoking 15 cigarettes.

孤獨比抽十五根煙還要更傷人。

A day.

一天。

Not in your life, in your day.

不是一生，是一天。

It's also associated with higher levels of dementia.

孤獨也會提高失智風險。

So a recent study also found

一篇近期的研究也發現，

that lonely people are twice at risk of Alzheimer's disease.

孤獨的人罹患阿茲海默症的 風險是兩倍高。

Of course, there's many people that live alone who are not lonely.

當然，許多獨居的人並不孤獨。

But being a caregiver for a partner that maybe has dementia

但要照顧可能有失智症的另一半，

can be a very lonely place.

卻是非常孤獨的。

And a recent landmark study gave us a very good, clear definition

近期有一篇重大研究 就很清楚地定義了

of what loneliness is.

孤獨是什麼。

And it said it's a subjective, unwelcome feeling

它說，孤獨是一種主觀、 不受歡迎的感覺，

of a lack or loss of companionship.

感到缺乏或失去陪伴。

And it happens when there's a mismatch

有一種情況會發生，

between the quality and the quantity of relationships that we have

就是當「我們擁有的關係」 和「我們想要的關係」之間的質與量

and those that we want.

不吻合的時候。

Now in my life, the best help I've ever received

我人生中得到過最好的協助

has been from those personal connections

是來自那些個人的連結，

and being listened to in an empathetic way.

以及被用同理的方式傾聽。

Professionals, and I'm conscious I'm speaking to a room of professionals,

專業人士，我知道這裡的 觀眾都是專業人士，

有個很重要的地位。

have a very important place.

But for me, a volunteer giving up their time

但對我來說，志工犧牲他們的時間，

and listening to me without judgment in a confidential way,

不帶評斷地傾聽我，而且絕對保密，

had such a huge, life-changing effect for me.

這對我的人生有相當重大的影響。

And that was something that really stayed with me.

而那影響真的一直與我同在。

So as you will have gathered, in my teenage years,

你們應該猜得到，我十幾歲的時候，

I was off the rails, I was going every day wondering if I'd even live the next day.

我完全脫離軌道，每天都 想著我會不會活到明天。

But that profound impact of the volunteer listening to me stayed with me.

但志工傾聽我的那深刻影響， 始終一直與我同在。

When I finally got to a point in my life

當我的人生終於走到某一刻，

where I felt I could live with what had happened,

當我覺得我可以帶著 那段往事活下去時，

I wanted to pay something back.

我想要做些回報。

And in my experience,

依我的經驗，

people who have been helped in a transforming way

接受過協助，且因為 這些協助而有所轉變的人，

always want to pay something back.

總會想要做點什麼來回報。

So I started paying back by my 25 years volunteering with Samaritans.

我開始回報的方式，就是在 撒瑪利亞會當二十五年的志工。

And then, in 2013,

接著，在 2013 年，

picking up on that whole issue and the new stigma of loneliness,

我注意到孤獨的議題 以及相關的汙名，

I launched a new national helpline in the UK for older people,

所以我在英國推出了新的全國 諮詢服務電話，對象是老人。

called The Silver Line,

這支電話叫「銀線」，

which is there to support lonely and isolated older people.

它的目的是要支援 孤獨和孤立的老人。

In our short history, we've taken 1.5 million calls.

我們的歷史不長，但已經 接了一百五十萬通電話。

And I know we're having a big impact, based on the feedback we get every day.

根據每天接到的回饋意見， 我知道我們的影響很大。

Some people might be calling up for a friendly chat,

有些人打來是希望 能進行友善的聊天，

maybe some information about local services.

也許得到一些關於當地服務的資訊。

Some might be calling because they're suicidal.

有些人打來是因為他們有自殺傾向。

Some might be calling up because they're reporting abuse.

有些人打來可能是因為 他們要通報虐待事件。

And some quite simply, as I was, may have simply just given up on life.

有些人則和我當年一樣， 單純就是已經放棄了人生。

I guess it's a really simple idea, setting up a helpline.

這是個很簡單的點子， 設立一支服務電話。

And I look back to those early days

我回頭看以前的日子，

when I had the lofty title, I still have, of chief exec, but in the early days,

我那時有、現在還有的高頭銜 就是執行長，

但更早時，我是自己的執行長。

I was chief exec of myself.

Which, I have to say, I had the best meetings ever in my career --

我得要說，那時我有 我職涯中最棒的會議──

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

as chief exec of myself.

當我自己的執行長時。

But things have moved on, and now in 2017,

但一切都繼續前進下去， 現在，2017 年，

we have over 200 staff listening to older people

我們有超過兩百名成員 負責傾聽老人，

every day of the year, 24/7.

二十四小時且全年無休。

We also have over 3,000 volunteers making weekly friendship calls

我們也有三千名志工， 每週會從他們自己家中

from their own home.

撥打友善電話。

We also, for people that like the written word,

對於喜歡書面文字的人，

offer Silver Letters, and we write pen-pal letters

我們提供「銀信」， 我們會寫筆友式的書信，

to older people who still enjoy receiving a letter.

給仍然喜歡收到實體信件的老人。

And we also have introduced something called Silver Circles --

我們還推出了叫做「銀圈」的服務──

you notice I'm owning the word "silver" here --

你們應該有注意到 我用「銀」這個字──

put "silver" in front of it and it's ours.

前面有個「銀」字的 服務就是我們的。

Silver Circles are group conference calls

銀圈是團體電話會議，

where people actually talk about shared interests.

會議中大家會談彼此共同的興趣。

My favorite group is the music group,

我最喜歡的團體是音樂團體，

where people, every week, play musical instruments

在那個團體中，每週人們都會

down the phone to each other.

在電話中演奏樂器給彼此聽。

Not always the same tune at the same time.

不見得總是同步、同音調。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But they do have fun.

但他們覺得很有樂趣。

And "fun" is an interesting word,

「樂趣」是個有趣的詞，

because I've talked very much about desperation, loneliness and isolation.

因為我多半都在談 絕望、孤獨及孤立。

But if you came to our helpline in the UK, you would also hear laughter.

但如果你來聽我們在英國的 諮詢服務電話，你也會聽見笑聲。

Because at the Silver Line,

因為在銀線，

we do want to cherish the wonderful lives of older people

我們想要珍惜老人的美好生命，

and all the experiences that they bring.

以及他們帶來的所有經驗。

So here's an example, just a snippet of one of our calls.

這裡有個例子，這只是我們 接到的電話中的一小部分。

(Audio) Good morning, you're through to the Silver Line.

（聲音）早安，這裡是銀線，

我是艾倫，我能提供什麼協助？

My name's Alan, how can I help?

女人：哈囉，艾倫。早安。

Woman: Hello, Alan. Good morning.

Alan: Hello.

艾倫：哈囉。

Woman: (Chipper) Hello!

女人：（興高采烈）哈囉！

艾倫：你今天早上過得如何？

Alan: Oh, how are you this morning?

Woman: I'm alright, thank you.

女人：還不錯，謝謝你。

艾倫：很高興聽你這麼說。

Alan: I'm pleased to hear it.

Woman: What a wonderful thing the telephone is, you know?

女人：電話真是 很棒的東西，你知道嗎？

Alan: It's a remarkable invention, isn't it?

艾倫：它是個了不起的發明，對吧？

Woman: I remember when I was a little girl,

女人：我記得我小時候，

donkey's years ago,

很多很多年以前，

if you wanted to make a phone call to somebody,

如果要打電話給某人，

you had to go to a shop

你得要到一家店裡，

and use the telephone of the shop

用店裡的電話，

and pay the shop for using the telephone and have your phone call.

然後付錢給店家 才能打你要打的電話。

So you didn't make phone calls just whenever you fancied.

並不是你想要打電話時就能打。

Alan: Oh, no.

艾倫：喔，不。

Woman: (Coughs) Oh, sorry.

女人：（咳嗽）喔，抱歉。

(Coughs)

（咳嗽）

Excuse me about that.

不好意思。

You had to, you know,

你得要，你知道的，

confine your phone calls to the absolute essentials.

限制你的電話，只打非常必要的。

And now, here I am, sitting in my own home in my dressing gown still,

而現在，我坐在自己的 家裡，還穿著浴袍，

and using the telephone, isn't it wonderful?

同時打電話，這樣不是很棒嗎？

Alan: It is. (Laughter)

艾倫：是的。（笑聲）

SA: And that's not untypical of a call we might receive at our helpline.

蘇菲安德魯斯：我們的諮詢 服務常接到這類電話。

That's someone who really sees us as part of the family.

像那樣的人，真的把我們當做家人。

So Silver Line, I guess, are now helping older people

所以我想銀線現在協助老人的方式，

in the same way that Samaritans has helped me.

就是撒瑪利亞會曾經協助我的方式。

They're there 24/7, they're listening confidentially

他們全年無休，他們傾聽且能保密，

and quite often not giving any advice.

通常他們也不會給任何建議。

How often do we really ever listen without giving advice?

我們有多常只是傾聽而不給建議？

It's actually quite hard.

這其實很不容易。

Quite often on the phone calls, an older person would say,

常常，在電話上，老人會說：

"Could you give me some advice, please?"

「能請你給我一點建議嗎？」

And 20 minutes later, they say, "Thank you for your advice,"

二十分鐘後，他們會說： 「謝謝你的建議。」

and we realize we haven't given any.

而我們都還沒有給任何建議。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

We've listened and listened, and we haven't interrupted.

我們傾聽又傾聽，我們不會打岔。

But to that person, maybe we have given advice.

但對對方而言，也許 我們就是給了建議了。

We recently conducted a survey at The Silver Line

最近，我們在銀線進行一項調查，

to 3,000 older people, to ask them what they thought of the service.

對象是三千名老人，詢問 他們對這項服務的看法。

And one person quite simply came back and said,

有一個人很簡單地回應說，

for the first time in her life,

這是她人生中第一次，

she had what we would call in the sport cricket a wicketkeeper,

她有了一個我們在板球 運動中說的守門手，

and what you would call in baseball, a catcher.

你們在棒球中說的捕手。

I've been here 48 hours, and I'm talking American.

我在這裡才兩天 就開始說美語了（棒球），

They will not recognize me when I get home.

我回家後他們大概認不得我了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But for the first time in her life, she had that catcher,

但，那是人生中她 第一次有了一個捕手，

which is really, really important.

這點非常非常重要。

And now it's come full circle, because actually,

現在成了一個完整的圓，

因為其實打銀線電話 且需要捕手的人，

people that are calling Silver Line and needing a catcher

are now becoming catchers themselves by putting something back

現在透過回饋、透過當志工、

and becoming volunteers and becoming part of our family.

透過成為我們家庭的一部分， 讓自己也成了捕手。

So I end my talk, really, where I started, talking about my own personal experience.

所以，這場演說的尾聲，要再 回到一開始我自己的個人經驗。

Because when I talk about my life, I often say that I've been lucky.

因為，當我談及我的人生時， 我通常都會說我很幸運。

And people generally ask me why.

一般來說，人們都會問我為什麼。

And it's because, at every stage of my life,

因為在我人生中的每個階段，

I have been lucky enough to have someone alongside me at the right time

我都夠幸運，在對的時間，

有著或許相信著我的人在我身邊，

who maybe has believed in me,

which in turn has helped me

這就協助了我

just to believe a little bit more in myself, which has been so important.

讓我能多相信自己一點點， 而這是非常重要的。

And everyone needs a catcher at some point in their lives.

每個人總會在人生的某個 時候會需要一個捕手。

This is my catcher.

這是我的捕手。

So that's Pam.

那是潘姆。

And she answered the call to me

她接起了我的電話，

when I was that 14-year-old in the phone box, over 30 years ago.

那是三十多年前，當時我十四歲， 在電話亭裡打了電話。

So never, ever underestimate the power of a simple human connection.

所以，永遠不要低估了 簡單人類連結的力量。

Because it can be and so often is the power to save a life.

因為它可以是，也常常真的是 拯救一條生命的力量。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）