How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others | Brittany Packnett Cunningham | TED

翻译人员: Buyun Ping 校对人员: jacks peng

So when I was a little girl,

当我还是一个小女孩的时候，

a book sat on the coffee table in our living room,

我家客厅的咖啡桌上有一本书，

just steps from our front door.

离我家前门只有几步的距离。

And the living room is a first impression.

客厅是一个家的门面。

Ours had white carpet

我家客厅里摆着一张白色地毯，

and a curio of my mother's most treasured collectibles.

以及一件我母亲 十分珍爱的古董藏品。

That room represented the sacrifices of generations gone by

那个房间凝聚了好几代人的心血，

who, by poverty or by policy,

囿于贫穷或政策，

couldn't afford a curio of collectibles

我的祖先们买不起一件古董，

更不必说一间能放 古董的中产阶级房产。

let alone a middle class house to put them in.

That room had to stay perfect.

因此那个房间必须保持完美。

但我每天都愿冒着 弄乱那个房间的危险，

But I would risk messing up that perfect room every day

just to see that book.

只为了看那本书。

On the cover sat a woman named Septima Clark.

书封面上是一个名为 赛普蒂玛·克拉克的女性。

She sat in perfect profile with her face raised to the sky.

她侧着身，抬头望向天空。

She had perfect salt-and-pepper cornrows

她银灰色的头发 梳成了完美的玉米辫，

platted down the sides of her head,

从她头的两侧垂下，

and pride and wisdom just emanated from her dark skin.

自豪与智慧的气质 流动在她深色的皮肤之下。

Septima Clark was an activist and an educator,

赛普蒂玛是一名活动家和教育家，

a woman after whom I'd eventually model my own career.

我仿照着她的样子， 建立了自己的事业。

But more than all the words she ever spoke,

但比她讲过的话更重要的是，

that single portrait of Septima Clark,

当时她的那张照片，

it defined confidence for me

在我认字之前，

before I ever even knew the word.

就教会了我什么叫作自信。

It may sound simple,

这听起来可能很简单，

but confidence is something that we underestimate the importance of.

但我们常常低估自信的重要性。

We treat it like a nice-to-have instead of a must-have.

我们把自信当作锦上添花， 而非必要之物。

We place value on knowledge and resources

我们抬高知识与资源，

above what we deem to be the soft skill of confidence.

却看低自信，觉得它 不过是个软技能。

But by most measures, we have more knowledge

在大多数情况下，

我们拥有远超过去的知识和资源，

and more resources now than at any other point in history,

and still injustice abounds and challenges persist.

却未能克服所有的不公和挑战。

If knowledge and resources were all that we needed,

如果知识和资源能 满足我们所有的需求，

we wouldn't still be here.

那我们就不会仍在原地踏步。

And I believe that confidence is one of the main things

在我眼中，自信是平衡的天平上

missing from the equation.

所缺失的重要的一块。

I'm completely obsessed with confidence.

我对自信非常着迷。

It's been the most important journey of my life,

在过去的大部分人生中 我一直充满自信，

a journey that, to be honest, I'm still on.

而在今后的人生中 我也将保持如此。

Confidence is the necessary spark before everything that follows.

自信是点燃一切事物的必要火花。

Confidence is the difference between being inspired

自信是灵感闪现

and actually getting started,

和真正动手的分水岭，

between trying and doing until it's done.

是从尝试到完成工作的转折点。

Confidence helps us keep going even when we failed.

即使失败，自信也能 帮助我们坚持下去。

The name of the book on that coffee table was "I Dream A World,"

咖啡桌上那本书的名字 叫作《我梦想的一个世界》，

and today I dream a world where revolutionary confidence

如今，我梦想有那么一个世界，

helps bring about our most ambitious dreams into reality.

在那里，突破性的自信能够 帮助我们实现最远大的梦想。

That's exactly the kind of world that I wanted to create in my classroom

当我还是个教师的时候，

when I was a teacher,

我就想建立这样的世界，

like a Willy Wonka world of pure imagination,

就像幻想中的威利·旺卡的世界，

but make it scholarly.

但更有学术气息一点。

All of my students were black or brown.

我所有的学生都是黑色或棕色人种。

All of them were growing up in a low-income circumstance.

他们所有人都出身于低收入家庭。

Some of them were immigrants, some of them were disabled,

他们中的一些人是移民， 还有一些人是残疾人，

but all of them were the very last people

在这个世界上，

this world invites to be confident.

他们是最没有自信的一类人。

That's why it was so important that my classroom be a place

这正是为什么我要在我的课堂中

where my students could build the muscle of confidence,

让我的学生建立自信，

where they could learn to face each day with the confidence you need

让他们学会充满自信，面对每一天，

to redesign the world in the image of your own dreams.

把这个世界重新构建成 你们梦想中的那样。

After all, what are academic skills without the confidence to use those skills

毕竟，如果没有信心改变世界的话，

to go out and change the world.

要学术技能又有什么用呢？

Now is when I should tell you about two of my students, Jamal and Regina.

现在，我要向你们介绍我的 两个学生：贾迈勒和蕾吉娜。

Now, I've changed their names, but their stories remain the same.

这两个名字是化名， 但故事都是真实的。

Jamal was brilliant, but unfocused.

贾迈勒头脑灵活，但注意力不集中。

He would squirm in his chair during independent work,

做独立作业的时候， 他会在椅子上扭来扭曲，

and he would never stay still for more than three or four minutes.

从来没能保持不动 3或4分钟以上的。

Students like Jamal can perplex brand new teachers

像贾迈勒一类的学生 会让新老师非常困惑，

because they're not quite sure how to support young people like him.

因为他们不知道要 怎么教导这类学生。

I took a direct approach.

我采取了一个直接方法。

I negotiated with Jamal.

我和贾迈勒商量。

If he could give me focused work,

如果他能够专心做事，

then he could do it from anywhere in the classroom,

那他想在教室的什么 地方做事，都可以，

from our classroom rug, from behind my desk,

比如说在教室地毯上， 或是我的书桌后面，

from inside his classroom locker, which turned out to be his favorite place.

或是在他的储物柜里， 这是他最喜欢的地方。

Jamal's least favorite subject was writing,

贾迈勒最讨厌写作课，

and he never wanted to read what he had written out loud in class,

他从不愿意在课堂上 大声朗读他写的东西，

but we were still making progress.

但我们依然取得了一些进步。

One day, I decided to host a mock 2008 presidential election

某天，我想在课堂上进行一场模拟的

in my classroom.

2008年总统选举。

My third graders had to research and write a stump speech

我带的三年级学生需要 帮他们选的候选人

for their chosen candidate:

写一份政治演讲稿：

Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton or John McCain.

贝拉克·奥巴马、希拉里·克林顿 或是约翰·麦克凯恩。

The heavy favorites were obvious,

大多数人选择的候选人都一样，

but one student chose John McCain.

但有一个学生选择了 约翰·麦克凯恩。

It was Jamal.

这个学生是贾迈勒。

Jamal finally decided to read something that he had written out loud in class,

贾迈勒最终决定在班上 朗读他写的稿子，

and sure enough, Jamal stunned all of us with his brilliance.

不出所料，他的才华让全班震惊。

Just like Jamal's dad, John McCain was a veteran,

和他的父亲一样，约翰·麦克凯恩 也是个退伍老兵，

and just like Jamal's dad protected him,

正如贾迈勒的父亲保护他儿子那样，

Jamal believed that John McCain would protect the entire country.

贾迈勒认为约翰·麦克凯恩 会保护整个国家。

And he wasn't my candidate of choice, but it didn't matter,

麦克凯恩不是我理想的候选人， 但这并不重要，

because the entire class erupted into applause,

因为课堂上爆发出了雷鸣般的掌声，

a standing ovation for our brave friend Jamal

全体起立为勇敢的贾迈勒喝彩，

who finally showed up as his most confident self

这是那年他第一次

for the first time that year.

表现得充满自信。

And then there was Regina.

还有蕾吉娜的故事。

Regina was equally as brilliant, but active.

蕾吉娜也很聪明，但太活泼了。

She'd inevitably finish her work early,

她每天都早早做完作业，

然后开始骚扰其他学生。

and then she'd get on about the business of distracting other students.

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Walking, talking,

走来走去，大声讲话，

passing those notes that teachers hate but kids love.

传那些老师讨厌 但是小孩喜欢的小纸条。

你们看上去传过很多小纸条。

You look like you passed a lot of them.

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Despite my high ideals for our classroom,

尽管我对班级的要求很高，

I would too often default to my baser instincts,

但很多时候，我会屈从于本能，

and I would choose compliance over confidence.

比起自信，我更想让学生服从。

Regina was a glitch in my intended system.

蕾吉娜是我意料之外的一个变数。

A good teacher can correct misbehavior

一个好的老师可以一边纠正学生，

but still remain a student's champion.

一边受到学生爱戴。

But on one day in particular,

但有一天，

I just plain old chose control.

我的老毛病犯了。

I snapped,

我发火了，

and my approach didn't communicate to Regina

我没能让蕾吉娜明白

that she was being a distraction.

她的行为扰乱了课堂。

My approach communicated to Regina that she herself was a distraction.

我指责蕾吉娜本人很烦人。

I watched the light go out from her eyes,

我看到她的眼中的光消失了，

and that light sparked joy in our classroom.

这光曾为整个班级带来了欢乐，

I had just extinguished it.

而我却扑灭了它。

The entire class became irritable,

整个班级都躁动起来了，

and we didn't recover for the rest of the day.

直到放学都没能平静下来。

I think about the day often,

我经常会想到那一天，

and I have literally prayed that I did not do irreparable harm,

并且祈祷我没有造成 任何不可挽回的伤害，

because as a woman who used to be a little girl just like Regina,

因为我也曾是一个 像蕾吉娜一样的小女孩，

I know that I could have started the process of killing her confidence

我知道我可能在逐渐扼杀

她一辈子的自信心。

forever.

A lack of confidence pulls us down from the bottom

缺少自信会从根本上摧毁一个人，

让人不相信自己的能力。

and weighs us down from the top,

让我们成天担心自己 做不到、不会做和不可能。

crushing us between a flurry of can'ts, won'ts and impossibles.

Without confidence, we get stuck,

没有自信，我们就会止步不前，

and when we get stuck, we can't even get started.

当我们陷入僵局时， 我们甚至无法迈出第一步。

Instead of getting mired in what can get in our way,

自信能让我们果断决策，

confidence invites us to perform with certainty.

而不是被困难所阻拦。

We all operate a little differently when we're sure we can win

当我们相信自己能成功，而不仅仅是希望，

versus if we just hope we will.

我们做事会变得不同。

Now, this can be a helpful check.

这是一个很有帮助的检查。

If you don't have enough confidence,

如果你不够自信，

it could be because you need to readjust your goal.

这可能说明你需要重新调整你的目标。

If you have too much confidence,

如果你太过自信，

it could be because you're not rooted in something real.

这可能说明你不脚踏实地。

Not everyone lacks confidence.

并非所有人都缺少自信。

We make it easier in this society for some people to gain confidence

在这个社会上，一些人很容易就会自信，

因为他们符合领袖的形象。

because they fit our preferred archetype of leadership.

We reward confidence in some people

我们奖励一些人的自信，

and we punish confidence in others,

惩罚另一些人的自信，

and all the while far too many people

一直以来，每天都有

are walking around every single day without it.

太多缺乏自信的人。

For some of us,

对于我们中的一些人而言，

confidence is a revolutionary choice,

自信是一项突破性的选择，

and it would be our greatest shame

如果缺少自信

to see our best ideas go unrealized

导致我们最远大的理想覆灭，

and our brightest dreams go unreached

导致我们最伟大的梦想落空，

all because we lacked the engine of confidence.

那就太可惜了。

That's not a risk I'm willing to take.

我不愿冒这种风险。

So how do we crack the code on confidence?

那么我们应该如何获取自信呢？

In my estimation, it takes at least three things:

据我估计，需要三个因素：

permission, community and curiosity.

允许、团体和好奇心。

Permission births confidence,

自信诞生于允许，

community nurtures it

成长于团体，

and curiosity affirms it.

增强于好奇心。

In education, we've got a saying,

在教育界，我们有一句话，

that you can't be what you can't see.

你无法成为你看不到的东西。

When I was a little girl, I couldn't show confidence

当我还是个小女孩的时候， 我不自信，

until someone showed me.

直到有人告诉我自信是什么。

My family used to do everything together,

我的家庭会一起做所有的事，

including the mundane things, like buying a new car,

包括日常的事，例如买新车，

and every time we did this,

每次我们这么做时，

I'd watch my parents put on the exact same performance.

我看到我父母都会重复同样的操作。

We'd enter the dealership,

我们走进经销店，

and my dad would sit

我父亲会坐下，

while my mom shopped.

而我母亲会去挑选。

When my mom found a car that she liked,

当我母亲发现一辆她喜欢的车时，

they'd go in and meet with the dealer,

他们会去见经销商，

and inevitably, every time the dealer would turn his attention

不可避免的是，每次经销商

都面向我父亲，更关注我父亲，

and his body to my dad,

assuming that he controlled the purse strings

认为我是父亲在主导这次购物，

and therefore this negotiation.

由此有了下面的对话。

"Rev. Packnett," they'd say, "how do we get you into this car today?"

“派克尼特先生，”他们说， “您今天就把车开走怎么样？”

My dad would inevitably respond the same way.

每次我父亲会以相同的方式回应。

He'd slowly and silently gesture toward my mother

他会安静地慢慢指向我母亲，

and then put his hands right back in his lap.

然后把双手放回大腿上。

It might have been the complete shock

在80年代，和黑人女性商谈财务

of negotiating finances with a black woman in the '80s,

可能很让人震惊，

but whatever it was,

但不管如何，

I'd watch my mother work these car dealers over

我会看着我母亲和经销商讨价还价，

until they were basically giving the car away for free.

直到他们几乎是在免费送车给我们。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

She would never crack a smile.

她从不会笑，

She would never be afraid to walk away.

也从来不会害怕走开，

I know my mom just thought she was getting a good deal on a minivan,

我知道我母亲觉得她以 便宜价格买了小面包车，

but what she was actually doing

但实际上，

was giving me permission to defy expectations

她在允许我反抗别人的预期，

and to show up confidently in my skill no matter who doubts me.

并且无论谁怀疑自己， 都要通过技能展现自信。

Confidence needs permission to exist

自信需要允许来孕育，

and community is the safest place to try confidence on.

而团体是尝试自信最安全的地方。

I traveled to Kenya this year to learn about women's empowerment

今年我到肯尼亚， 跟马赛女性学习

among Maasai women.

女性自主。

There I met a group of young women

在那里我遇到了一群 叫作“母狮队”的

called Team Lioness,

年轻女性，

among Kenya's first all-female community ranger groups.

肯尼亚第一支全部 由女性组成的军队。

These eight brave young women were making history

这八位勇敢的女性在青少年时期

就已创造历史。

in just their teenage years,

and I asked Purity, the most verbose young ranger among them,

我问其中最能言善道的女孩普丽蒂，

"Do you ever get scared?"

“你会不会害怕？”

I swear to you, I want to tattoo her response all over my entire body.

我发誓，我想把 她的回答纹在我全身。

She said, "Of course I do,

她说：“我当然害怕，

but I call on my sisters.

但我拜访了我的姐妹们。

They remind me that we will be better than these men

她们告诉我，我们会比别的男性更好，

and that we will not fail."

并且我们不会失败。”

Purity's confidence to chase down lions and catch poachers,

普丽蒂的自信让她能够 找到狮子，追击盗猎者，

it didn't come from her athletic ability or even just her faith.

这自信并非来源于她的 运动能力或是信仰。

Her confidence was propped up by sisterhood,

她的自信源于姐妹的支撑，

by community.

源于团体。

What she was basically saying was that if I am ever in doubt,

她的主要意思是如果 我陷入自我怀疑中，

I need you to be there

我需要你在我身边，

to restore my hope

帮我恢复希望，

and to rebuild my certainty.

并且重建我的自信。

In community, I can find my confidence

在团体中，我能找到我的自信心，

and your curiosity can affirm it.

而你的好奇心能巩固它。

Early in my career, I led a large-scale event

在我职业生涯早期， 我主办了一场大型活动，

that did not go exactly as planned.

这场活动并不是很顺利。

I'm lying to you. It was terrible.

事实上，它非常糟糕。

And when I debriefed the event with my manager,

当我向经理汇报活动状况时，

I just knew that she was going to run down the list

我知道她准备从头到尾

of every mistake I had ever made,

数落我犯下的每一个错误，

probably from birth.

可能是从我出生开始。

But instead, she opened with a question:

但相反，她开口问了一个问题：

What was your intention?

“你的目的是什么？”

I was surprised but relieved.

我很惊讶，但松了口气。

She knew that I was already beating myself up,

她知道我内心已经很沮丧了，

and that question invited me to learn from my own mistakes

那个问题让我从自己的错误中学习，

instead of damage my already fragile confidence.

而不是打击我摇摇欲坠的自信心。

Curiosity invites people to be in charge of their own learning.

好奇心让人们能够掌控自己的学习。

That exchange, it helped me approach my next project

那次交流帮助我在下一次的项目中

with the expectation of success.

取得了成功。

Permission, community, curiosity:

允许、团体和好奇心：

all of these are the things that we will need to breed the confidence

这三者能帮助我们培养自信，

that we'll absolutely need to solve our greatest challenges

继而让我们用自信解决最大的挑战，

and to build the world we dream,

建立我们梦想中的世界，

a world where inequity is ended and where justice is real,

在那里，一切不平等都被消除， 公正会成为现实，

a world where we can be free on the outside and free on the inside

在那里，我们的内心 和外在都是自由的，

because we know that none of us are free until all of us are free.

因为我们知道，只有人人自由， 才是真正的自由。

A world that isn't intimidated by confidence

那样的世界会鼓励女性、

when it shows up as a woman

或是黑人、

or in black skin

或是除了

or in anything other than our preferred archetypes of leadership.

天生的领导人之外的所有人获得自信。

A world that knows that that kind of confidence

在那里，人们明白那种自信

is exactly the key we need to unlock the future that we want.

正是开启理想中未来的关键钥匙。

I have enough confidence to believe that that world

我有足够的信心相信这样的世界

will indeed come to pass,

最终会到来，

and that we are the ones to make it so.

而我们是构建这个世界的人。

Thank you so much.

谢谢你们。

(Applause)

（掌声）