How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others | Brittany Packnett Cunningham | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Xiaowei Dong

So when I was a little girl,

我還是個小女孩的時候，

a book sat on the coffee table in our living room,

有一本書擺在我們家 客廳的咖啡茶几上，

just steps from our front door.

離我們的前門只有幾步路。

And the living room is a first impression.

客廳是房子的第一印象。

Ours had white carpet

我們的客廳有白色的地毯，

and a curio of my mother's most treasured collectibles.

還有我媽媽最寶貴的珍藏品。

That room represented the sacrifices of generations gone by

那間房間代表的是 數代所做的犧牲，

who, by poverty or by policy,

他們因為貧困或是政策，

couldn't afford a curio of collectibles

無法負擔起珍藏品，

let alone a middle class house to put them in.

更不可能擁有一間 中產階級的房子放珍藏品。

That room had to stay perfect.

那間房間得要保持完美。

But I would risk messing up that perfect room every day

但我每天都願意冒著將那間 完美的房間弄亂的風險，

just to see that book.

只為了去看那本書。

On the cover sat a woman named Septima Clark.

封面上有一名女子， 叫做塞普蒂馬克拉克。

She sat in perfect profile with her face raised to the sky.

封面上是她的完美側面照， 她坐著，抬頭看向天空。

She had perfect salt-and-pepper cornrows

她那灰白的玉米辮十分完美，

platted down the sides of her head,

垂掛在她的側臉上，

and pride and wisdom just emanated from her dark skin.

她深色的皮膚散發出驕傲和智慧。

Septima Clark was an activist and an educator,

塞普蒂馬克拉克是 活動家以及教育家。

a woman after whom I'd eventually model my own career.

我最後是把她當作 我自己職涯的典範。

But more than all the words she ever spoke,

但，比起她所說過的所有話語，

that single portrait of Septima Clark,

她的那一張畫像

it defined confidence for me

為我闡釋了什麼叫做信心，

before I ever even knew the word.

我當時甚至還不認識信心這個詞。

It may sound simple,

聽起來可能很簡單，

but confidence is something that we underestimate the importance of.

但我們都低估了信心的重要性。

We treat it like a nice-to-have instead of a must-have.

我們對信心的看法是，

能擁有當然很好，但並非一定要。

We place value on knowledge and resources

我們比較重視知識和資源，

above what we deem to be the soft skill of confidence.

多於重視被我們視為 是軟技能的信心。

But by most measures, we have more knowledge

但，根據大部分的估量， 我們現在所擁有的知識和資源，

and more resources now than at any other point in history,

超越了歷史上的任何時點，

and still injustice abounds and challenges persist.

但，不公正仍然無所不在， 挑戰仍然比比皆是。

If knowledge and resources were all that we needed,

如果我們只需要知識和資源，

we wouldn't still be here.

就不會處在這樣的狀況中了。

And I believe that confidence is one of the main things

我相信，方程式中所缺少的要素，

missing from the equation.

其中之一就是信心。

I'm completely obsessed with confidence.

我對信心非常著迷。

It's been the most important journey of my life,

它一直是我人生中最重要的旅程，

a journey that, to be honest, I'm still on.

老實說，我到現在都 還沒走完這段旅程。

Confidence is the necessary spark before everything that follows.

信心是必要的火花，先有它，

其他一切才會隨之而來。

Confidence is the difference between being inspired

信心是被鼓舞

和真正開始行動之間的紐帶，

and actually getting started,

between trying and doing until it's done.

嘗試做和一直做直到 完成為止之間的差別。

Confidence helps us keep going even when we failed.

信心協助我們即使失敗 也要繼續走下去。

The name of the book on that coffee table was "I Dream A World,"

咖啡茶几上的那本書，

書名叫做 《我的夢想世界 (I Dream A World)》，

and today I dream a world where revolutionary confidence

現在，在我的夢想世界中，

革命性的信心

helps bring about our most ambitious dreams into reality.

協助實現最有野心的夢想。

That's exactly the kind of world that I wanted to create in my classroom

這就是我在當老師時，

想在教室裡創造的世界，

when I was a teacher,

like a Willy Wonka world of pure imagination,

就像純粹想像的威利旺卡世界，

but make it scholarly.

但是是學術性的。

All of my students were black or brown.

我所有的學生都是 黑人或褐色人種。

All of them were growing up in a low-income circumstance.

他們都在低收入的環境中長大。

Some of them were immigrants, some of them were disabled,

當中有一些是移民， 有一些是身心障礙人士，

but all of them were the very last people

但他們通通都是這個世界上

this world invites to be confident.

最後被邀請去建立信心的人。

That's why it was so important that my classroom be a place

那就是為什麼，把我的教室打造成

where my students could build the muscle of confidence,

能讓學生建立信心的地方， 是非常重要的事，

where they could learn to face each day with the confidence you need

在那裡，他們能夠學習 在面對每一天時，

能有足夠的信心，

to redesign the world in the image of your own dreams.

在自己夢想的形象之中， 去重塑這個世界。

After all, what are academic skills without the confidence to use those skills

畢竟，如果沒有信心 能夠應用學術技能，

到外頭去改變世界，

to go out and change the world.

那這些學術技能有什麼用？

Now is when I should tell you about two of my students, Jamal and Regina.

現在我想跟各位談談我的 兩位學生，賈莫和瑞吉娜。

Now, I've changed their names, but their stories remain the same.

我改了他們的名字， 但他們的故事還是一樣的。

Jamal was brilliant, but unfocused.

賈莫很聰明，但無法專心。

He would squirm in his chair during independent work,

在獨立作業時， 他會在椅子上動來動去，

and he would never stay still for more than three or four minutes.

他無法保持三或四分鐘 以上靜止不動。

Students like Jamal can perplex brand new teachers

像賈莫這樣的學生 讓新老師很困擾，

because they're not quite sure how to support young people like him.

因為他們不確定要如何 支持像他這樣的年輕人。

I took a direct approach.

我採用直接的方法。

I negotiated with Jamal.

我和賈莫協商。

If he could give me focused work,

如果他能專注在作業上， 他就可以在教室中的任何地方做，

then he could do it from anywhere in the classroom,

from our classroom rug, from behind my desk,

可以在教室的地毯上， 在我的書桌後方，

from inside his classroom locker, which turned out to be his favorite place.

在他的教室置物櫃裡，

結果發現置物櫃是他最喜愛的地方。

Jamal's least favorite subject was writing,

賈莫最不喜歡的學科就是寫作，

and he never wanted to read what he had written out loud in class,

他從來不想在班上 大聲唸出他寫的內容，

but we were still making progress.

但我們仍然持續有所進展。

One day, I decided to host a mock 2008 presidential election

有一天，我決定在我的教室裡主辦

2008 年總統大選的模擬。

in my classroom.

My third graders had to research and write a stump speech

我的三年級生必須要做研究，

並為他們所選的候選人 寫下一段政治演說：

for their chosen candidate:

Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton or John McCain.

巴拉克歐巴馬、 希拉蕊柯林頓，或約翰馬侃。

The heavy favorites were obvious,

大部分人的偏好很明顯，

but one student chose John McCain.

但有一名學生選了約翰馬侃。

It was Jamal.

就是賈莫。

Jamal finally decided to read something that he had written out loud in class,

賈莫終於決定要在班上 大聲唸出他所寫的內容，

and sure enough, Jamal stunned all of us with his brilliance.

當然，賈莫的才智 讓大家都驚呆了。

Just like Jamal's dad, John McCain was a veteran,

約翰馬侃和賈莫的爸爸 一樣都是退役軍人，

and just like Jamal's dad protected him,

賈莫的爸爸會保護賈莫，

Jamal believed that John McCain would protect the entire country.

所以賈莫相信約翰馬侃 也會保護整個國家。

And he wasn't my candidate of choice, but it didn't matter,

他不是我會選的 候選人，但那無所謂，

because the entire class erupted into applause,

因為全班爆出熱烈的掌聲，

a standing ovation for our brave friend Jamal

為我們勇敢的朋友賈莫起立歡呼，

who finally showed up as his most confident self

因為，他終於展現出 最有信心的自己，

for the first time that year.

那是那一年的頭一次。

And then there was Regina.

還有瑞吉娜。

Regina was equally as brilliant, but active.

瑞吉娜也同樣聰明，但很積極。

She'd inevitably finish her work early,

她總會提早完成她的工作，

and then she'd get on about the business of distracting other students.

接著她就會開始讓其他學生分心。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Walking, talking,

走動、談話、

passing those notes that teachers hate but kids love.

傳紙條，老師都討厭 但孩子都很愛。

You look like you passed a lot of them.

你們看起來以前傳過很多紙條。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Despite my high ideals for our classroom,

儘管我對教室抱有高期望，

I would too often default to my baser instincts,

我通常都無法實現理想， 只好回到基本，

and I would choose compliance over confidence.

我會選擇讓學生服從而非信心。

Regina was a glitch in my intended system.

在我打算建立的系統中， 瑞吉娜是個小毛病。

A good teacher can correct misbehavior

好老師能夠糾正錯誤行為，

but still remain a student's champion.

同時繼續當學生心中的冠軍。

But on one day in particular,

但，特別在那一天，

I just plain old chose control.

我就只是選擇了控制。

I snapped,

我厲聲責罵，

and my approach didn't communicate to Regina

我的方式並不是在告訴瑞吉娜

that she was being a distraction.

她在造成其他人分心。

My approach communicated to Regina that she herself was a distraction.

我的方式告訴瑞吉娜， 她自己本身就會讓人分心。

I watched the light go out from her eyes,

我看見她眼中的光芒消失，

and that light sparked joy in our classroom.

那點燃教室歡樂的光芒。

I had just extinguished it.

被我消滅了。

The entire class became irritable,

整個班都變得很煩躁，

and we didn't recover for the rest of the day.

那一整天我們都無法恢復。

I think about the day often,

我常常會回想那一天，

and I have literally prayed that I did not do irreparable harm,

我祈禱我那天沒有造成 無法修復的傷害，

because as a woman who used to be a little girl just like Regina,

因為我自己以前也是 像瑞吉娜這樣的女孩，

I know that I could have started the process of killing her confidence

我知道我那時的做法可能引發了

一個永遠扼殺她信心的過程。

forever.

A lack of confidence pulls us down from the bottom

缺乏信心會把我們拉向谷底，

and weighs us down from the top,

把我們從頂端壓下來，

crushing us between a flurry of can'ts, won'ts and impossibles.

讓我們在不能做、不要做，

和不可能做之間的 慌亂中四分五裂。

Without confidence, we get stuck,

沒有信心，我們就會被困住，

and when we get stuck, we can't even get started.

當我們被困住時， 會甚至都不知該如何開始。

Instead of getting mired in what can get in our way,

信心能讓我們不要受困在 什麼可能會阻擋我們，

confidence invites us to perform with certainty.

它會邀請我們帶著肯定去做。

We all operate a little differently when we're sure we can win

我們在確信自己能贏的時候，

和只是希望自己能贏的時候， 做法是有所不同的。

versus if we just hope we will.

Now, this can be a helpful check.

這是種很有幫助的檢查方式。

If you don't have enough confidence,

如果你沒有足夠的信心，

it could be because you need to readjust your goal.

有可能是因為你需要 重新調整你的目標。

If you have too much confidence,

如果你的信心太高，

it could be because you're not rooted in something real.

有可能是因為你並沒有 紮根在很實在的基礎上。

Not everyone lacks confidence.

並不是每個人都缺乏信心。

We make it easier in this society for some people to gain confidence

在這個社會上，我們會 讓一些人比較容易取得信心，

because they fit our preferred archetype of leadership.

因為他們符合我們 偏愛的領導原型。

We reward confidence in some people

我們會獎勵某些人的信心，

and we punish confidence in others,

我們會懲罰某些人的信心，

and all the while far too many people

而至始至終，都有太多人

are walking around every single day without it.

每天沒有信心地過日子。

For some of us,

對我們當中的某些人來說，

confidence is a revolutionary choice,

信心是一個革命性的選擇，

and it would be our greatest shame

我們最大的遺憾會是

to see our best ideas go unrealized

看著我們最好的點子沒有實現，

and our brightest dreams go unreached

最聰明的夢想沒有達成，

all because we lacked the engine of confidence.

全都是因為我們缺乏 信心來當動力引擎。

That's not a risk I'm willing to take.

那不是我想實現的。

So how do we crack the code on confidence?

所以，我們要如何 破解信心的密碼？

In my estimation, it takes at least three things:

依我的估計， 會需要至少三樣東西：

permission, community and curiosity.

許可、群體，和好奇心。

Permission births confidence,

許可會產生信心，

community nurtures it

群體會滋養信心，

and curiosity affirms it.

好奇心會確立信心。

In education, we've got a saying,

在教育中，有一個說法：

that you can't be what you can't see.

看不見的，就不可能做到。

When I was a little girl, I couldn't show confidence

當我很小的時候， 直到別人為我展示，

until someone showed me.

我才學會展示信心。

My family used to do everything together,

我的家人以前會一起做所有事，

including the mundane things, like buying a new car,

包括很平凡的事，比如買新車，

and every time we did this,

每次我們去買車時，

I'd watch my parents put on the exact same performance.

我就會看著我的父母 上演同樣的劇碼。

We'd enter the dealership,

我們會進入經銷店，

and my dad would sit

我爸爸會坐下，

while my mom shopped.

我媽媽會負責逛。

When my mom found a car that she liked,

當我媽媽找到一台她喜歡的車，

they'd go in and meet with the dealer,

他們會進去和經銷業務見面，

and inevitably, every time the dealer would turn his attention

沒有例外，每一次， 經銷者都會把他的注意力

and his body to my dad,

和他的身體轉向我爸爸，

assuming that he controlled the purse strings

假設我爸爸掌控家中的開支，

and therefore this negotiation.

因此掌控了這次協商。

"Rev. Packnett," they'd say, "how do we get you into this car today?"

「瑞夫派克奈特，」他們會說：

「如何才能讓你今天買下這台車？」

My dad would inevitably respond the same way.

我爸爸都會用同樣的方式回應。

He'd slowly and silently gesture toward my mother

他會慢慢地、靜靜地 用手勢指向我媽媽，

and then put his hands right back in his lap.

接著再把他的手放回到他的膝上。

It might have been the complete shock

在八十年代，和黑人女性談財務

of negotiating finances with a black woman in the '80s,

是很驚人的事，

but whatever it was,

但，不論如何，

I'd watch my mother work these car dealers over

我會看著我媽媽狠逼 這些汽車經銷業務，

until they were basically giving the car away for free.

逼到他們幾乎是把車免費奉上。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

She would never crack a smile.

她絕對不會綻放笑容。

She would never be afraid to walk away.

她絕對不會害怕轉身離開。

I know my mom just thought she was getting a good deal on a minivan,

我知道我媽媽只是認為 她用好價格買到了一台休旅車，

but what she was actually doing

但她在做的事，

was giving me permission to defy expectations

就是給我許可，可以反抗期望，

and to show up confidently in my skill no matter who doubts me.

可以很有信心地帶著技能出現，

不論誰懷疑我。

Confidence needs permission to exist

只有這樣的許可能激發信心。

and community is the safest place to try confidence on.

而嘗試信心最安全的地方，

就是群體。

I traveled to Kenya this year to learn about women's empowerment

今年我到了肯尼亞一趟，

去了解馬賽族女性賦權的狀況。

among Maasai women.

There I met a group of young women

在那裡，我見到了一群 年輕女子，叫做母獅團，

called Team Lioness,

among Kenya's first all-female community ranger groups.

是肯尼亞最早的全女性 社區巡邏隊團體之一。

These eight brave young women were making history

這八位勇敢的年輕女子

還不到二十歲就在創造歷史，

in just their teenage years,

and I asked Purity, the most verbose young ranger among them,

我問她們當中最囉嗦的 巡邏隊員皮洛蒂：

"Do you ever get scared?"

「你可曾感到害怕？」

I swear to you, I want to tattoo her response all over my entire body.

我發誓，我想要把她的回應 刺青在我全身上。

She said, "Of course I do,

她說：「當然，我會害怕，

but I call on my sisters.

但我號召我的姐妹們。

They remind me that we will be better than these men

她們提醒我， 我們不會比這些男人差，

and that we will not fail."

且我們不會失敗。」

Purity's confidence to chase down lions and catch poachers,

皮洛蒂很有信心去追蹤獅子， 去捕捉偷獵者，

it didn't come from her athletic ability or even just her faith.

那信心並不是來自於她的 運動員能力或是她的信念。

Her confidence was propped up by sisterhood,

她的信心是被她的姐妹情誼、

by community.

被群體支撐起來的。

What she was basically saying was that if I am ever in doubt,

基本上，她在說的就是， 如果我在任何時候感到懷疑，

I need you to be there

我需要你在身邊，

to restore my hope

重拾我的希望，

and to rebuild my certainty.

重建我的把握。

In community, I can find my confidence

在群體中，我可以找到我的信心，

and your curiosity can affirm it.

而你的好奇心能夠確認它。

Early in my career, I led a large-scale event

在我職涯初期，我主導了 一項大規模的活動，

that did not go exactly as planned.

結果並不如計畫。

I'm lying to you. It was terrible.

我在騙你們。狀況其實糟透了。

And when I debriefed the event with my manager,

當我跟我的經理做活動匯報時，

I just knew that she was going to run down the list

我知道她將會把我過去

of every mistake I had ever made,

犯過的所有錯誤通通翻出來，

probably from birth.

可能從出生開始。

But instead, she opened with a question:

但，她沒這麼做， 她反而用一個問題來開場：

What was your intention?

你的意圖是什麼？

I was surprised but relieved.

我很驚訝，但也鬆了一口氣。

She knew that I was already beating myself up,

她知道我已經很自責了，

and that question invited me to learn from my own mistakes

而那個問題，邀請我 從我自己的錯誤中學習，

instead of damage my already fragile confidence.

而不是再去傷害 我那已經很脆弱的信心。

Curiosity invites people to be in charge of their own learning.

好奇心能邀請人們 去掌控他們自己的學習。

That exchange, it helped me approach my next project

那次交流協助我 在做下一個專案計畫時，

with the expectation of success.

能夠懷著成功的預期去做。

Permission, community, curiosity:

許可、群體、好奇心：

all of these are the things that we will need to breed the confidence

必須要有這三樣東西， 才能培育出信心，

that we'll absolutely need to solve our greatest challenges

一定要有這樣的信心， 才能夠解決我們最大的挑戰，

and to build the world we dream,

建立我們夢想的世界，

a world where inequity is ended and where justice is real,

在這個世界中，不再有不平等，

且正義是真實的，

a world where we can be free on the outside and free on the inside

在這個世界中， 我們從内而外都是自由的，

because we know that none of us are free until all of us are free.

因為我們知道， 除非所有人都得到自由，

不然沒有人會得到自由。

A world that isn't intimidated by confidence

在這個世界中， 不再有人會覺得被信心脅迫，

when it shows up as a woman

即使信心出現時的模樣 是女性，或黑皮膚，

or in black skin

or in anything other than our preferred archetypes of leadership.

或任何其他跟我們偏愛的 領導原型不同的模樣。

A world that knows that that kind of confidence

這個世界知道，那種信心

is exactly the key we need to unlock the future that we want.

正是我們開啟 我們盼望之未來的鑰匙。

I have enough confidence to believe that that world

我有足夠的信心， 相信那樣的世界

will indeed come to pass,

確實會成真，

and that we are the ones to make it so.

而我們則是讓它成真的那群人。

Thank you so much.

非常感謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）