Ingrid Betancourt: What six years in captivity taught me about fear and faith (w/ subtitles) | TED

Translator: Camille Martínez

翻译人员: Qiuyan Wu 校对人员: 芷蘅 张

The first time

我第一次

I felt fear

感到害怕

I was 41 years old.

是在41岁的时候

People have always said I was brave.

人们总是说我很勇敢

When I was little, I'd climb the highest tree,

小时候，我可以爬最高的树

and I'd approach any animal fearlessly.

也可以毫无畏惧得接近任何动物

I liked challenges.

我喜欢挑战

My father used to say,

父亲以前经常说

"Good steel can withstand any temperature."

"好钢可以经受任何温度的烤炼。"

And when I entered into Colombian politics,

当我进入哥伦比亚政界时

I thought I'd be able to withstand any temperature.

我以为我能够经受任何考验

I wanted to end corruption;

我想终结腐败

I wanted to cut ties between politicians and drug traffickers.

我想切断政客们与贩毒者之间的联系

The first time I was elected,

我第一次当选

it was because I called out, by name,

是因为我大胆得说出

corrupt and untouchable politicians.

腐败且不可冒犯的政客们的名字

I also called out the president

我也指出了总统

for his ties to the cartels.

和卡特尔的共谋关系

That's when the threats started.

但从那时起我开始受到威胁

I had to send my very young children out of the country one morning,

我不得不在一天早上把我的小孩们送出国

hidden, all the way to the airport, in the French ambassador's armored car.

在去机场的路上，孩子们一直藏在法国大使的装甲车里

Days later,

数天后

I was the victim of an attack, but emerged unharmed.

我成为了一次袭击的受害者，但所幸没有受伤

The following year,

第二年

the Colombian people elected me with the highest number of votes.

我又被哥伦比亚人民高票选中

I thought people applauded me because I was brave.

我想人们拥护我是因为我勇敢

I, too, thought I was brave.

我也以为自己很勇敢

But I wasn't.

但其实不然

I had simply never before experienced

我只是还从未经历过

true fear.

真正的恐惧

That changed

但2002年2月23日那天

on February 23, 2002.

彻底改变了我

At the time, I was a presidential candidate in Colombia

那时，作为哥伦比亚总统候选人

promoting my campaign agenda,

我正在准备我的竞选日程

when I was detained by a group of armed men.

但被一群武装分子绑架

They were wearing uniforms with military garments.

他们穿着军装式制服

I looked at their boots; they were rubber.

我观察了他们的靴子，是橡胶的

And I knew

我知道

that the Colombian army wore leather boots.

哥伦比亚军队是穿皮靴的

I knew that these were FARC guerrillas.

我得以知道他们是FARC游击队

From that point on, everything happened very quickly.

从那时起，突然发生了很多事情

The commando leader ordered us to stop the vehicle.

武装头目命令我们停车

Meanwhile, one of his men stepped on an antipersonnel mine

那时他的一名成员踩在了一枚杀伤性地雷上

and flew through the air.

被炸飞到空中

He landed, sitting upright,

当他落回到地面上时，他直挺挺坐着

right in front of me.

就坐在我面前

We made eye contact

我们发生了目光接触

and it was then that the young man understood:

那位年轻人发现

his rubber boot with his leg still in it

他的橡皮靴连同他的双腿

had landed far away.

被炸飞在了其他地方

(Sighs)

（叹息）

He started

他开始

screaming like crazy.

疯狂叫喊

And the truth is,

实际上

I felt -- as I feel right now, because I'm reliving these emotions --

我当时感到－－现在也有同样的感觉，因为那些感受现在很真切

I felt at that moment that something inside of me was breaking

那时我感到 我心里的某个东西正在破裂

and that I was being infected with his fear.

他的恐惧影响了我

My mind went blank and couldn't think;

我大脑一片空白，无法思考

it was paralyzed.

我的大脑僵住了

When I finally reacted,

当我终于回过神来时

I said to myself,

我对自己说

"They're going to kill me,

“他们会杀死我

and I didn't say goodbye to my children."

而我还没跟孩子们道别。”

As they took me into the deepest depths of the jungle,

当他们把我带进密林深处时

the FARC soldiers announced

FARC成员宣布

that if the government didn't negotiate,

如果政府不进行谈判

they'd kill me.

他们就杀了我

And I knew

而我知道

that the government wouldn't negotiate.

政府是不会谈判的

From that point on,

从那时起

I went to sleep in fear every night --

我每天晚上都带着恐惧入睡－－

cold sweats,

冒冷汗

shaking,

发抖

stomach ache,

胃痛

insomnia.

失眠

But worse than that was what was happening to my mind,

但是更糟的是我的大脑发生了变化

because my memory was being erased: all the phone numbers,

我的记忆都被抹掉了： 所有电话号码

addresses,

地址

names of very dear people,

至亲的人的名字

even significant life events.

甚至重大的生活事件

And so,

于是

I began to doubt myself, to doubt my mental health.

我开始怀疑自己 怀疑自己心理不健康

And with doubt came desperation,

怀疑带来了绝望

and with desperation came depression.

绝望带来了抑郁

I was suffering notorious behavioral changes

我正在遭遇非常糟糕的行为性变化

and it wasn't just paranoia in moments of panic.

在恐惧的时候，我不仅仅偏执

It was distrust,

还充满不信任

it was hatred,

充满仇恨

and it was also the urge to kill.

还有杀人的冲动

This, I realized

我意识到自己有杀人的冲动

when they had me chained by the neck to a tree.

是在他们把我的脖子用链条拴在树上

They kept me outside that day,

让我一直待在外面

during a tropical downpour.

待在热带暴雨中

I remember feeling an urgent need to use the bathroom.

我记得当时自己迫切需要去厕所

"Whatever you have to do,

“不管你要做什么，

you'll do in front of me,

你就在我眼皮底下做，

bitch,"

贱人。“

the guard screamed at me.

守卫对我吼道

And I

而我

decided at that moment

那时决定

to kill him.

要杀死他

And for days,

接下来的数天里

I was planning, trying to find the right moment, the right way to do it,

我计划着，尝试寻找合适的时机和方式

filled with hatred,

我的心中充满了仇恨

filled with fear.

和恐惧

Then suddenly,

然而突然间

I rose up,

我清醒了过来

snapped out of it

我改变了想法

and thought:

我想

"I'm not going to become one of them.

“我不要变成他们那样的人。

I'm not going to become an assassin.

我不要当一名刺客。

I still have enough freedom

我仍有足够的自由

to decide

来决定

who I want to be."

我要成为什么样的人。“

That's when I learned that fear

那时我明白了

brought me face to face with myself.

恐惧促使我面对自我

It forced me

促使我

to align my energies,

调整我的精力

to align my meridians.

调整我的方向

I learned that facing fear

我懂得了面对恐惧

could become a pathway to growth.

能使人成长

A lot of emotions arise when I talk about all of this,

在我谈论这些时我的情绪很复杂

but when I think back,

但当我回顾过去的经历时，

I'm able to identify

我很明确

the steps I took to do it.

我所采取的行动

I want to share three of them with you.

我想与大家分享其中三个

The first

第一个是

was to be guided by principles.

以原则为指导

Because I realized

我意识到

that in the midst of panic and mental block,

在处于恐慌和精神障碍中时

if I followed my principles,

如果我遵循自己的原则

I acted correctly.

我就会采取正确的行动

I remember the first night

我记得在

in a concentration camp that the guerrillas had built

在游击队建立的集中营的第一个晚上

in the middle of the jungle,

那个集中营是建在丛林中间

with 12-foot-high bars,

有12英尺高的栅栏

barbed wire,

围着铁丝网

lookouts in the four corners

四角都有守卫看守

and armed men pointing guns at us 24 hours a day.

还有武装人员一天24小时用枪指着我们

That morning, the first morning,

第一天早上

some men arrived, yelling:

来了一些人，他们大喊：

"Count off! Count off!"

“报数！报数！”

My fellow hostages woke up, startled,

我的同伴们都被叫醒，受到了惊吓，

and began to identify themselves in numbered sequence.

开始按顺序报数

But when it was my turn,

轮到我时

I said,

我说，

"Ingrid Betancourt.

“英格丽德·贝当古

If you want to know if I'm here, call me by my name."

如果你们想知道我是否在这里 叫我的名字。“

The guards' fury

那个守卫非常恼怒

was nothing compared to that of the other hostages,

而我的同伴们更加愤怒

because, obviously they were scared --

因为很明显得，他们感到非常害怕

we were all scared --

我们都非常害怕－－

and they were afraid that, because of me, they would be punished.

他们害怕因为我的行为他们会遭到处罚

But for me,

但对我来说

beyond fear was the need to defend my identity,

除了恐惧 我必须捍卫我的身份

to not let them turn me into a thing or a number.

不让他们把我当作 一件物品或一个数字

That was one of the principles:

这就是其中的一个原则：

to defend

捍卫

what I considered to be human dignity.

我所认为的人的尊严

But make no mistake:

但是绝不能出错：

the guerrillas had it all

因为游击队对此

very well analyzed --

很清楚

they had been kidnapping for years,

他们已经从事绑架很多年

and they had developed a technique

他们已经掌握了

to break us,

让人崩溃的

to defeat us, to divide us.

让人失败和分裂的技巧

And so,

因此，

the second step

第二步

was to learn how to build supportive trust,

是学会建立相互支持的信任

to learn how to unite.

学会团结

The jungle is like a different planet.

丛林是一个完全不一样世界，

It's a world

那里到处都是

of shadows, of rain,

阴影，大雨，

with the hum of millions of bugs --

很成千上万的虫子发出嗡嗡声-

majiña ants, bullet ants.

有麻吉蚁、子弹蚁

I didn't stop scratching a single day while I was in the jungle.

我在那里的每一天都觉得浑身发痒

And of course, there were tarantulas, scorpions, anacondas ...

当然，那里也有狼蛛、蝎子、水蟒等等

I once came face to face with a 24-foot long anaconda

有一次我直面一只24英尺长的水蟒

that could have swallowed me in one bite.

它本来可以将我一口吞掉

Jaguars ...

那里还有美洲虎

But I want to tell you

但是我想要告诉你们的是，

that none of these animals did us as much harm

任何一种动物对我们造成的伤害

as the human beings.

都比不上人类对我们造成的伤害。

The guerrillas terrorized us.

游击队恐吓我们，

They spread rumors.

他们传播谣言，

Among the hostages, they sparked betrayals,

他们让人质彼此背叛

jealousy,

嫉妒

resentment,

怨恨

mistrust.

误解

The first time I escaped for a long time was with Lucho.

我第一次长时间逃离是和卢科

Lucho had been a hostage for two years longer than I had.

卢科被关押进来的时间比我还长2年。

We decided to tie ourselves up

我们决定用绳子

with ropes

将我们捆起来

to have the strength to lower ourselves into that dark water

将我们降落到黑水中

full of piranhas and alligators.

那里到处都是水虎鱼和短吻鳄

What we did was, during the day, we would hide in the mangroves.

白天的时候，我们藏在红树林中，

And at night,

晚上

we would leave, get in the water,

我们离开红树林，再回到水中，

and we would swim and let the current carry us.

我们可以游泳，并让水流拖着我们

That went on for several days.

我们有好几天都是这样的。

But Lucho

但是后来卢科

became sick.

生病了

He was diabetic,

他患有糖尿病

and he fell into a diabetic coma.

发生了糖尿病性昏迷

So the guerrillas captured us.

所以游击队逮到了我们

But after having lived through that with Lucho,

但是，自从和卢科经历了那次逃离，

after having faced fear together, united,

我们一起面对恐惧，团结一致，

not punishment, not violence -- nothing --

惩罚，暴力甚至任何事

could ever again divide us.

都不会使我们产生分歧

What's certain is,

可以确定的是

all the guerrillas' manipulation was so damaging to us

游击队对我们的操控给我们造成了非常大的伤害，

that even today,

以至于直到今天

among some of the hostages

当时被关押的

from back then,

那些人质之间

tensions linger,

仍然关系紧张

passed down from all that poison

时游击队制造的毒害

that the guerrillas created.

被流传了下来

The third step

第三步

is very important to me,

对我来说非常重要

and it's a gift that I want to give to you.

也是我想送给你们的礼物

The third step is to learn how to develop faith.

第三步是学会如何发展信仰

I want to explain it like this:

我想这样解释

Jhon Frank Pinchao

约翰 弗兰克 平科

was a police officer

是一位警官

who had been a hostage for more than eight years.

他被关押的时间长于8年

He was famous for being the biggest scaredy-cat of us all.

他因为是胆小鬼而出名

But Pincho -- I called him "Pincho" --

但是平科-我叫他平科-

Pincho decided that he wanted to escape.

平科决定他要逃离

And he asked me to help him.

他请求我帮助他

By that point, I basically had a master's degree in escape attempts.

那个时候，我已经取得了“尝试逃跑”的硕士学位

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So

所以

we got started but we had a delay,

我们便开始行动，但是行动被延迟了

because first, Pincho had to learn how to swim.

因为平科首先必须学会游泳，

And we had to carry out all these preparations in total secrecy.

而且我们必须对我们的行动计划完全保秘

Anyway, when we finally had everything ready,

总之，最后我们准备好了所有的事情

Pincho came up to me one afternoon and said,

平科有一天下午找到我，他说

"Ingrid, suppose I'm in the jungle,

英格丽德，假设我正在丛林中，

and I go around and around in circles, and I can't find the way out.

我一直在转圈圈，找不到出去的路

What do I do?"

我应该做什么？

"Pincho,

平科

you grab a phone,

你可以拿起一个电话

and you call the man upstairs."

打电话给天上的人

"Ingrid, you know I don't believe in God."

英格丽德，你知道我不信仰上帝

"God doesn't care. He'll still help you."

上帝不介意，他仍然会帮助你

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

It rained all night that night.

那晚一晚上都在下雨

The following morning,

第二天早上

the camp woke up to a big commotion,

整个集中营醒在一片骚动中醒来

because Pincho had fled.

因为平科逃跑了

They made us dismantle the camp, and we started marching.

他们迫使我们拆除营地，开始跋涉，

During the march,

在行走中，

the head guerrillas told us that Pincho had died,

游击队首领告诉我们平科已经死了

and that they had found his remains

他们已经找到了他的身体的一些残余

eaten by an anaconda.

他的遗体被水蟒吃了

Seventeen days passed --

17天后

and believe me, I counted them, because they were torture for me.

相信我，我确定数了是17天，因为那些天对我来说简直是一种莫大的折磨

But on the seventeenth day,

但是第17天

the news exploded from the radio:

收音机里有一条爆炸式新闻

Pincho was free and obviously alive.

平科事实上已经自由了，很显然他还活着

And this was the first thing he said:

他说的第一句话是：

"I know my fellow hostages are listening.

我知道我的同伴们在收听

Ingrid,

英格丽德

I did what you told me.

我按你说的做了

I called the man upstairs,

我给天上的人打电话了

and he sent me the patrol that rescued me from the jungle."

他派来了巡逻队将我从丛林中解救了出来

That was an extraordinary moment,

那是一个不同寻常的时刻

because ...

因为

obviously fear is contagious.

恐惧会蔓延

But faith is, too.

但是信仰同样如此

Faith isn't rational or emotional.

信仰不是理性的也不是感性的

Faith

信仰

is an exercise of the will.

是毅力的一种表现

It's the discipline of the will.

是毅力的一种训练

It's what allows us to transform everything that we are --

信仰可以让我们发生很大改变

our weaknesses, our frailties,

可以将我们的弱项和脆弱

into strength, into power.

转变为强项和力量

It's truly a transformation.

是一种实实在在的转变

It's what gives us the strength

信仰给予我们力量

to stand up

让我们直面

in the face of fear

恐惧

look above it,

不被恐惧困住

and see beyond it.

超越恐惧

I hope you remember that,

我希望你们能够记住这一点

because I know we all need

因为我认为我们都需要

to connect with that strength we have inside of us

与我们内在的那股力量发生连接

for the times when there's a storm raging around our boat.

让我们度过艰难的时期

Many, many, many, many years passed

许多许多年之后

before I could return to my house.

我才得以回到我的家

But when they took us, handcuffed, into the helicopter

当他们给我们戴上手铐坐进直升飞机时

that finally took us out of the jungle,

他们终于将我们带离了丛林，

everything happened as quickly as when they kidnapped me.

所有事发生的如此之快，就像他们绑架我时一样

In an instant,

一眨眼之间

I saw the guerrilla commander at my feet,

我看到游击队队长站在地面上

gagged,

哑口无言

and the rescue leader,

而救援队队长

yelling:

高呼

"We're the Colombian army!

“我们是哥伦比亚军队！

You are free!"

“你们自由了”

The shriek

我们所有人

that came out of all of us

发出了尖叫声

when we regained our freedom,

因为我们重获了自由

continues to vibrate in me to this day.

直到今天，我仍然能感受到尖叫声在我的胸腔内振动

Now,

现在

I know they can divide all of us,

我知道他们可以使我们所有人发生分歧

they can manipulate us all with fear.

他们可以以恐惧操控我们

The "No" vote on the peace referendum in Colombia;

哥伦比亚为和平进行全民投票中的否决票

Brexit;

英国脱欧

the idea of a wall between Mexico and the United States;

想在墨西哥和美国之间建一堵墙

Islamic terrorism --

伊斯兰恐怖主义

they're all examples of using fear politically

这些都是为政治目的使用恐惧的例子

to divide and recruit us.

以恐惧使人们产生分歧并操控人们

We all feel fear.

我们都会感到恐惧

But we can all avoid being recruited

但是我们可以避免被恐惧所操控

using the resources we have -- our principles, unity, faith.

我们需要利用我们所具有的资源，包括原则，团结，信仰

Yes, fear is part of the human condition,

恐惧是人不可或缺的一部分

as well as being necessary for survival.

是生存所必须的

But above all,

但是，最重要的是

it's the guide by which each of us builds

恐惧指引我们每一个人建立

our identity, our personality.

身份和个性

It's true, I was 41 years old the first time I felt fear,

坦白说，41岁时我才第一次感到恐惧

and feeling fear was not my decision.

感到恐惧不是我决定的

But it was my decision what to do with that fear.

但是我可以决定如何面对恐惧

You can survive

你可以充满恐惧得

crawling along, fearful.

生存下来

But you can also

但是你也可以

rise above the fear,

战胜恐惧

rise up, spread your wings,

振作起来，张开双臂

and soar, fly high, high, high, high, until you reach the stars,

翱翔，飞得高高得，直到你可以碰到星星

where all of us want to go.

那是我们每个人都想要去的地方

Thank you.

谢谢

(Applause)

（鼓掌）