How to start a conversation about suicide | Jeremy Forbes

Prevoditelj: Sara Poturica Recezent: Sanda L

In 2013,

2013. godine,

I had a life-changing epiphany.

doživio sam životno prosvjetljenje.

I was a painter and decorator

Bio sam soboslikar i dekorater

in Castlemaine, a small country town in central Victoria.

u Castlemaineu, provincijskom gradiću u središnjoj Viktoriji.

I'd gone to see Pete, who was renowned for his workmanship with steel.

Otišao sam posjetiti Petea, koji je bio poznat po umijeću rada s čelikom.

I'd gone to his shed to get some steel edging for the garden.

Posjetio sam njegovu radionu kako bih uzeo malo čeličnog rubnjaka za vrt.

This day, with hindsight, which is a wonderful gift,

Tog dana, gledajući unatrag, koji je bio predivan dar,

Pete seemed happier than usual.

Pete se činio sretnijim nego inače.

Two weeks later,

Dva tjedna kasnije,

I was painting a house down the end of Pete's street

ličio sam kuću na kraju Peteove ulice,

when I heard the tragic news.

kada sam čuo tragičnu vijest.

Pete had suicided.

Pete je izvršio samoubojstvo.

Pete, like myself, was a tradie, or a tradesman.

Kao i ja, Pete je bio majstor iliti zanatlija.

We do like to shorten things in the Australian vernacular.

Volimo skraćivati stvari u australskom dijalektu.

A tradie.

Majstor.

There was an expectation as a tradie.

Postoje očekivanja od majstora.

You're expected to be stoic.

Od vas se očekuje da djelujete stoički.

You're expected to be strong,

Da budete snažni,

robust, macho.

kršni, mačo.

You're expected to be tough physically

Očekuje se da budete fizički snažni

and silent in the face of adversity.

i mirni unatoč nedaćama.

There is a pronounced ripple effect

Postoji određeni domino učinak

when someone suicides in your community.

kada netko u vašoj zajednici počini samoubojstvo.

Pete's funeral was in July. It was winter.

Peteov pogreb je bio u srpnju. Bila je zima.

The mood was bleak and somber

Raspoloženje u mjesnoj zajednici

in the packed community hall.

bilo je turobno i mračno.

It was a grieving community

Bila je to ožalošćena zajednica

who had no answers

koja nije imale odgovore

to Pete's suicide,

na Peteovo samoubojstvo,

no answers at all.

nikakvih odgovora.

As I wandered around between the tradies and the community members,

Dok sam prolazio između majstora i članova zajednice,

I started hearing some tones of another underlying tragic level.

načuo sam prikrivene i podjednako tragične prizvuke.

I heard people talking in that community hall

Čuo sam kako ljudi u toj dvorani pričaju

about the struggles other people were going through.

o poteškoćama kroz koje prolaze i drugi ljudi.

The essence of the conversations was contained in two words

Bit razgovora se sažela u tri riječi

that I heard several times:

koje sam čuo nekoliko puta:

Who's next?

Tko je sljedeći?

Who's next?

Tko je sljedeći?

That was the epiphany.

To je bilo prosvjetljenje.

That was the moment where I was standing in a community hall

To je bio trenutak u kojem sam stajao u dvorani,

in a place where this Castlemaine community

na mjestu gdje mi je ta zajednica Castlemainea

had given me such support for 20 years,

pružila toliko potpore tijekom 20 godina,

this community had backed my work, I'd played footy there,

ta zajednica koja je podržala moj posao, igrao sam nogomet tu,

I'd done theater there,

glumio u predstavama,

I was so grateful for what they'd given me.

bio sam toliko zahvalan za sve što su mi dali.

But I was standing there in that space,

No, stajao sam na tom mjestu,

and I was looking around that hall as well,

osvrtao se po dvorani

and I could tell people in that hall

i mogao sam prepoznati ljude u toj dvorani

who were struggling with alcohol, drugs, finance, gambling,

koji su se borili s alkoholom, drogom, financijama, kockanjem,

domestic abuse, bullying and harassment.

obiteljskim nasiljem, zlostavljanjem i uznemiravanjem.

Yet because of my tradie culture

No, zbog mog majstorskog odgoja

and that ignorant attitude that we have in the tradie community,

i tog stava neupućenosti koji je vladao zajednicom majstora,

I didn't feel confident at all.

nisam se uopće osjećao pouzdanim.

I didn't have the tools. I lacked the experience.

Nisam imao alate. Nedostajalo mi je iskustva.

I didn't know what to do, but I wanted to do something.

Nisam znao što učiniti, ali želio sam nešto napraviti.

I left the wake.

Napustio sam bdijenje.

I hugged a few tradie mates and said,

Zagrlio sam nekoliko prijatelja majstora i rekao:

"Please come and see me if you need to."

"Molim vas, dođite k meni ako me trebate."

But I didn't know what to say to them or what to tell them.

Ali nisam znao što im reći ili ispričati.

I had no idea.

Nisam imao pojma.

Dva tjedna poslije, nazvala me Catherine Pilgrim, moja suradnica,

I got a phone call two weeks later from Catherine Pilgrim, my cofounder,

wanting to do something for the family.

želeći učiniti nešto za obitelj.

We talked for a while and I said,

Kratko smo pričali i rekao sam,

let's do something for the tradie community.

hajdemo nešto učiniti za zajednicu majstora.

We love our town, we're grateful,

Volimo naš grad, zahvalni smo,

let's do something for the tradie community.

hajdemo nešto učiniti za zajednicu majstora.

So we talked a bit more.

Tako smo još razgovarali.

What could we do?

Što možemo učiniti?

An awareness-raising event. Awesome.

Događanje posvećeno jačanju svijesti. Odlično.

We're talking about tradies.

Govorimo o majstorima.

How do you get tradies somewhere?

Kako negdje okupiti majstore?

Can you get them to a hospital? No.

Možete li ih odvesti u bolnicu? Ne.

To a community health center? No.

U dom zdravlja? Ne.

There's an ingrained culture of being a tradie.

Postoji ukorijenjena kultura o tome tko je majstor.

I thought, where is the perfect place we can get the tradies together

Razmišljao sam, gdje je savršeno mjesto na kojem se mogu okupiti majstori,

where they feel socially included

gdje se osjećaju društveno integrirani,

and they feel comfortable

gdje se osjećaju ugodno

and they can share, they can open up and talk about mental health

i gdje mogu podijeliti svoja iskustva i pričati o duševnom zdravlju

in the building industry?

u građevinskoj industriji?

Where can we have an event?

Gdje možemo održati to događanje?

A hardware store.

Željezara.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Yeah, that's what I thought too. I thought it was very clever.

Da, tako sam i ja mislio. Mislio sam da je jako domišljato.

More precisely, the timber yard of a hardware store.

Preciznije, stovarište željezare.

So there we were. OK, we've got the venue.

Dakle, tamo smo dobili prostor.

What else do we need?

Što još trebamo?

What else do tradies love?

Što još majstori vole?

Food.

Hranu.

I know, we all do, but tradies love food.

Svi je volimo, ali majstori zbilja vole hranu.

Tradies especially, and I'm a tradie myself,

Majstori pogotovo, a i sâm sam majstor,

we love egg and bacon rolls.

volimo jela od jaja i slanine.

So we thought we'd supply the tradies with egg and bacon rolls,

Stoga smo riješili da nabavimo to majstorima,

and there was the slogan:

a bio je i slogan:

save your bacon.

spasi svoj život.

It's a bit corny, but it sort of works.

Malo je otrcan, ali može proći.

And we also came up with a logo.

Također smo smislili i logo.

"Hope Assistance Local Tradies."

"Hope Assistance Local Tradies".

Keep in mind, "HALT," our charity, had no money to begin,

Imajte na umu, "HALT", naša dobrotvorna udruga, nije imala uopće novca,

nothing, not a single cent.

ništa, niti jedan jedini cent.

We had conversations.

Imali smo razgovore.

This is a community issue. It starts in community.

To je problem zajednice. Počinje u zajednici.

So we went around to the butcher, we went around to the baker,

Zato smo otišli do mesara, do pekara,

there was no candlestick maker,

nije bilo svjećara,

there was an egg place and there was some chocolate,

ali je bilo jaja, kao i nešto čokolade,

there was coffee, there was fruit,

bilo je i kave i voća,

but we went around and said,

ali smo išli okolo i govorili:

"Hey, we're doing this awareness-raising event.

"Hej, održavamo događanje posvećeno jačanju svijesti.

Do you want to contribute? Because we haven't got any money."

Želite li mu pridonijeti? Jer nemamo novaca."

Of course, nearly every person we initiated the conversation with

Naravno, gotovo svaka osoba s kojom smo započeli razgovor,

knew someone that had anxiety, depression or thoughts of suicide

znala je nekoga tko je anksiozan, depresivan, suicidalan

or had suicided.

ili je počinio samoubojstvo.

There was that unity,

Postojalo je to jedinstvo,

that whole of community approach.

zbližavanje cijele zajednice.

So we thought, that's great, we've got some food.

Stoga smo mislili, to je odlično, imamo nešto hrane.

What else do we need?

Što još trebamo?

We need the support services there.

Trebamo usluge podrške.

A lot of tradies, and a lot of men in general,

Puno majstora, općenito puno muškaraca,

don't necessarily know where to go and get help.

ne zna nužno gdje potražiti pomoć.

I myself was one of them,

I ja sam bio jedan od njih,

and this is what I talk about at the HALT events,

a o tome pričam na HALT događanjima,

that four years ago when I founded HALT,

da prije četiri godine, kada sam osnovao HALT,

I didn't know I could go to the doctor about my mental health

nisam znao da mogu posjetiti liječnika i pričati o svom duševnom zdravlju

i dobiti plan brige o duševnom zdravlju.

and get a mental health plan.

I didn't know about community health.

Nisam znao o pojmu zdravlja zajednice.

I certainly didn't know about Lifeline,

I zasigurno nisam znao o Lifelineu,

and I've called Lifeline three times,

i sâm sam nazvao Lifeline tri puta

and they've certainly potentially saved my life.

i sigurno su mi potencijalno spasili život.

I had to learn all these things.

Morao sam naučiti sve te stvari.

Tradies need to know them.

Majstori ih trebaju znati.

We provided bags,

Osigurali smo im vrećice,

bags of information,

vrećice s informacijama,

and I had quite a few tradies say to me in the first year,

i puno mi je majstora u prvoj godini govorilo:

"Aw, this is a load of you-know-what,"

"Ovo je hrpa znaš-već-čega",

but those tradies I know still have those bags in their Ute

ali ti majstori, znam, još uvijek imaju te vrećice u svojim kamionetima

or in their shed.

ili u svojim radionicama.

On November 10, 2013,

10. studenog 2013. godine,

we had our event,

održali smo naše događanje,

and interestingly enough, when I talk about a whole of community approach,

zanimljivo je da, kada govorim o zbližavanju cijele zajednice,

that was our first event in Castlemaine at Tonks Brothers,

to je bilo naše prvo događanje u Castlemaineu kod braće Tonks,

and there's a whole of community there.

a ondje je cijela zajednica.

There's counselors,

Našli su se savjetnici,

there's people who have gone through mental health.

ljudi koji su iskusili probleme duševnog zdravlja.

That first event set the scene.

To prvo događanje je postavilo temelje.

Since then, we've had more events.

Otada smo imali još događanja.

Interestingly enough, it's not only tradies

Zanimljivo je to da nisu samo majstori ti

that are affected by mental health or anxiety or depression or suicide.

kojima pati duševno zdravlje, anksiozni su, depresivni ili suicidalni.

We started working with TAFEs.

Počeli smo surađivati s TAFE-om.

We started working in the farming industry,

Počeli smo surađivati s poljoprivrednom industrijom,

at councils, at secondary colleges.

vijećima, tehničkim školama.

We did events for the partners of tradies,

Održavali smo događanja za supružnike majstora,

because often the tradies would not go home to their partners

zato što često majstori ne bi otišli kući svojim supružnicima

and say, "Guess what, we talked about mental health,

i rekli: "Pogodi što, pričali smo o duševnom zdravlju

and we're going to do this, this and this now."

i učinit ćemo to, to i to sad".

So we're doing events for the partners,

Stoga smo održavali događanja za supružnike

who themselves may need help.

koji su i sami možda trebali pomoć.

TAFEs are very popular.

TAFE-ovi su vrlo popularni.

For me, it's really crucial to get to these young, vulnerable men and women.

Za mene, veoma je bitno doprijeti do tih mladih i osjetljivih mladića i djevojaka.

We've done events for men's sheds,

Održali smo događanja za Men's Sheds,

so the high rate of suicide is really high for older men.

jer je stopa samoubojstava izrazito visoka kod starijih muškaraca.

We've done events for council depot workers and tradies.

Održali smo događanja za skladištare i majstore.

Interestingly enough,

Zanimljivo,

nearly every single event --

skoro svako događanje --

and we've actually done now, with very little funding,

a održali smo dosad, s vrlo malo financijskih sredstava,

150 events over four states.

150 događanja u četiri države.

So -- oh please, thank you.

Tako da -- molim vas, hvala.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

And invariably at every single HALT event at a hardware store,

I uvijek na svakom HALT događanju u željezari,

I have one tradie come up to me,

prišao bi mi jedan majstor,

at least one come up and tell me about his suicide attempt.

barem jedan bi došao i ispričao mi o svom pokušaju samoubojstva.

They're not suicidal there and then, they've worked through it,

Nisu suicidalni tu i tamo, prolazili su kroz to,

but these men have never felt they could share their vulnerabilities.

ali ti muškarci nikada nisu osjećali da mogu podijeliti svoju ranjivost,

They've never felt they can talk about their suicide attempt,

da mogu razgovarati o svojim pokušajima samoubojstva,

but the HALT events,

ali na HALT događanjima,

where there's no expectations for them to talk,

gdje se od njih ne očekuje da pričaju,

makes them feel comfortable to start talking.

osjećali su se ugodno započeti taj razgovor.

And it's not just they talk to me and tell me their story,

I nije da samo govore meni i pričaju mi svoju priču,

they actually now say,

oni sada, zapravo, mogu reći:

"We feel comfortable enough to talk with other men."

"Osjećamo se dovoljno ugodno pričati s drugim muškarcima."

I've had men stand up and say,

Mnogi su ustali i rekli:

"I've never mentioned before that I've had depression, but I have,

"Nikada prije nisam spominjao da sam bio u depresiji, ali bio sam

and if anyone else here wants to come and speak to me,

i ako itko ovdje želi doći i razgovarati sa mnom,

I'm here to talk to you."

ovdje sam za vas."

It's very empowering and cathartic to do that.

Vrlo je osnažujuće i oslobađajuće učiniti to.

We need a whole-of-community approach.

Trebamo zbližiti cijelu zajednicu.

We give the tradies bags of information from local and national support services.

Majstorima dajemo informacije o lokalnim i nacionalnim službama podrške.

It's one of thing to tell a tradie or someone at one of these events,

Jedna je stvar reći majstoru ili nekome na jednom od tih događanja:

"You should go here, here and here,"

"Trebao bi otići tamo, tamo i tamo",

but we need the whole of community

ali potrebno je da cijela zajednica

to wrap around the idea of suicide prevention.

pojmi ideju o prevenciji samoubojstava.

We need those services,

Trebamo te službe,

and suicide doesn't discriminate at all.

jer samoubojstvo nikoga ne zaobilazi.

It's not a 9-to-5 thing.

Nije to posao od 9 do 17 sati.

We need to do events before 9am, which most of our brekkies are,

Moramo održati događanja prije 9 sati ujutro, u vrijeme doručka,

and after 5 PM.

ali i poslije 17 sati.

To je ono što trebamo učiniti. To je približavanje cijele zajednice.

That's what we need to do. It's a whole-of-community approach.

We need to get into businesses.

Moramo se ubaciti u različita poslovanja.

We need to get into sporting clubs, community clubs.

Moramo doći u sportske klubove, klubove zajednice.

We need to get in there and train people

Moramo doći tamo i obučiti ljude

to understand about mental health.

da razumiju što je duševno zdravlje.

Here's some sobering statistics just to give you an idea.

Evo i zabrinjavajuće statistike kako biste stekli dojam.

In 2016,

U 2016. godini,

in Australia, 2,866 suicides,

u Australiji, 2866 samoubojstava,

very close to twice the road toll.

vrlo blizu udvostručenju cestarine.

Globally, 800,000 a year

Na svjetskoj razini, 800 000 samoubojstava

suicides in the world,

godišnje u svijetu,

one every 40 seconds.

jedno svakih 40 sekundi.

We need a whole-of-community approach.

Trebamo približavanje cijele zajednice.

We need to feel comfortable in opening up the conversations.

Trebamo se osjećati ugodno počevši otvoreno razgovarati.

Men I know find it really difficult to open up conversations.

Muškarcima koje ja znam vrlo je teško otvoriti se u razgovoru.

They certainly do.

Itekako im je teško.

If you're going to open up conversations, I tell the guys,

Ako ćete se otvoriti u razgovoru, kažem momcima,

you need to find a comfortable place to open up and have a conversation,

morate pronaći ugodno mjesto na kojem ćete razgovarati,

whether it's at the pub, it's going for a walk,

bilo to u baru, u šetnji,

it's after footy.

poslije nogometa.

Find that really comfortable place to have the conversation.

Pronađite to ugodno mjesto na kojem ćete razgovarati.

Part of the ability to have that conversation

Dio vještine vođenja razgovora

is to understand what to say.

je razumjeti što reći.

We've all heard about, "Are you OK?"

Svi smo čuli za "Jesi li u redu?"

And I've seen it. I've done this.

I viđao sam to. Činio sam to.

"Are you OK?" "Yes." "Are you OK?" "Yes."

"Jesi li u redu?" "Da." "Jesi li u redu?" "Da."

"Are you OK?" "Yes." "Are you OK?" "No."

"Jesi li u redu?" "Da". "Jesi li u redu?" "Ne."

What do I say now?

Što da sada kažem?

What do I say?

Što da kažem?

We need to equip every single person

Moramo osposobiti svaku osobu

with the ability to come forth

vještinom otvaranja

and be able to have that conversation.

i vođenja tog razgovora.

We need to be able to listen.

Moramo biti sposobni slušati.

I don't know who out there is a good listener.

Ne znam tko je među vama dobar slušatelj.

I'm working on my listening abilities,

Radim na svojim vještinama slušanja,

but it's an art form to listen and not judge.

ali je umjetnost slušati i ne osuđivati.

Don't make fun. If someone's coming to talk to you about mental illness

Ne šalite se. Ako vam netko priđe i želi razgovarati o duševnoj bolesti

and anxiety and depression and thoughts of suicide,

i anksioznosti, depresiji, suicidalnim mislima,

we need to respect that.

moramo to poštivati.

They want to trust us that we're going to hold that in tight

Žele nam vjerovati da ćemo to zadržati za sebe

and not tell everyone.

i ne odati drugima.

We need to do that.

Moramo to učiniti.

So we need to have conversations. We need to listen.

Stoga trebamo razgovarati. Trebamo slušati.

And we need to start reducing the stigma associated with mental health.

I moramo početi smanjivati stigmu koja se povezuje s duševnim zdravljem.

Companies are now starting to have mental health days.

Tvrtke su sada počele obilježavati dane duševnog zdravlja.

What a great idea.

Kakva sjajna ideja.

It's not just physical sick days, it's mental health days.

Nisu samo dani fizičkog bolovanja, već i duševnog zdravlja.

Things are changing. We can add to that change.

Stvari se mijenjaju. Možemo doprinijeti toj promjeni.

I'm a life preserver.

Ja sam čuvar života.

I think we can all be life preservers.

Mislim da svi možemo biti čuvari života.

The pain of regret

Bol kajanja

is far greater than the pain of hard work.

je daleko veća od boli napornog rada.

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)