A highly scientific taxonomy of haters | Negin Farsad

162,571 views ・ 2016-07-05

TED


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

00:15
I'm an Iranian-American Muslim female,
0
15825
2318
00:18
like all of you.
1
18167
1264
00:19
And I'm also a social justice comedian,
2
19455
2309
00:21
something that I insist is an actual job.
3
21788
2315
00:24
To explain what that is, let me tell you how I got here.
4
24127
2667
00:26
I've performed all over the country.
5
26818
1755
00:28
And let me tell you, America is majestic, right?
6
28597
2297
00:30
It's got breathtaking nature,
7
30918
1725
00:32
waffle houses
8
32667
1150
00:33
and diabetes as far as the eye can see.
9
33841
1983
00:35
It is really something.
10
35848
1912
00:37
Now, the American population can be broken up
11
37784
2239
00:40
into three main categories:
12
40047
1541
00:41
there's mostly wonderful people,
13
41612
1738
00:43
haters
14
43374
1151
00:44
and Florida.
15
44549
1151
00:45
(Laughter)
16
45724
1583
00:47
Besides Florida, the most troubling category here are the Haters.
17
47331
3314
00:50
They are a minority,
18
50669
2189
00:52
but they overcompensate by being extra loud.
19
52882
2503
00:55
They have the Napoleon complex of demographics,
20
55409
2309
00:57
and yes, some of the men do wear heels.
21
57742
2068
00:59
As a social justice comedian,
22
59834
2103
01:01
it's my goal to convert these haters,
23
61961
1868
01:03
because they hate a lot of things, which leads to negative outcomes,
24
63853
3206
01:07
like racism, violence and Ted Nugent.
25
67083
3611
01:11
This is not an exhaustive list;
26
71400
1882
01:13
I'm probably missing 3-7 items.
27
73306
1674
01:15
But the point is,
28
75004
1222
01:16
we have to reckon with the haters.
29
76250
1729
01:18
But there's variance within this group
30
78003
1811
01:19
and it's not efficient to go after all of them, right?
31
79838
3021
01:22
So what I've done is created a highly scientific Taxonomy of Haters.
32
82883
3513
01:26
I basically took all of the haters,
33
86420
1723
01:28
I put them in a petri dish, like a scientist,
34
88167
2846
01:31
and this is what I found.
35
91037
1459
01:32
(Laughter)
36
92520
1151
01:33
First off, we have the trolls.
37
93695
2294
01:36
These are your garden-variety digital haters.
38
96013
2383
01:38
They're the people who quit their jobs
39
98420
1866
01:40
so they can post on YouTube videos all day long.
40
100310
3114
01:43
There's also the drive-by haters.
41
103448
2661
01:46
Now, these people will be at a stoplight,
42
106133
2292
01:48
they'll wait for the light to turn green
43
108449
1969
01:50
and when it does, they yell, "Go back to your own country!"
44
110442
2822
01:53
Now back in the day, they would've actually gotten out of their cars
45
113288
3217
01:56
and hated you to your face.
46
116529
1292
01:57
But they just don't make them like they used to --
47
117845
2378
02:00
which is another sign of the decline in America.
48
120247
2285
02:02
(Laughter)
49
122556
1174
02:04
The next category
50
124293
1151
02:05
is the mission-oriented-bigot- whose-group-affiliation-
51
125468
2643
02:08
gives-them-cover-for-hating hater.
52
128135
1668
02:09
These guys like to hate via a seemingly nice organization,
53
129827
3538
02:13
like a church or a nonprofit,
54
133389
2173
02:15
and they oftentimes like to speak in an old-timey voice.
55
135586
2714
02:18
But the group I'm most interested in is the swing hater.
56
138324
4540
02:22
The swing hater is sister to the swing voter --
57
142888
3587
02:26
they just can't decide!
58
146499
1729
02:28
They're like ideological sluts
59
148252
1878
02:30
who move from hating to not hating.
60
150154
1990
02:32
And they do it because they don't have enough information.
61
152168
2755
02:34
This is the group I like to target with social justice comedy.
62
154947
2978
02:37
Why comedy?
63
157949
1310
02:39
Because on a scale of comedy to brochure,
64
159283
2529
02:41
the average American prefers comedy, as you can see from this graph.
65
161836
3698
02:45
(Laughter)
66
165558
1151
02:46
Comedy is very popular.
67
166733
1360
02:48
And by the way,
68
168117
1151
02:49
this is a mathematically accurate graph,
69
169292
1946
02:51
generated from fake numbers.
70
171262
1524
02:52
(Laughter)
71
172810
1477
02:54
Now, the question is:
72
174311
1185
02:55
Why does social justice comedy work?
73
175520
2785
02:58
Because, first off, it makes you laugh.
74
178329
2699
03:01
And when you're laughing, you enter into a state of openness.
75
181052
3162
03:04
And in that moment of openness,
76
184238
1558
03:05
a good social justice comedian can stick in a whole bunch of information,
77
185820
3664
03:09
and if they're really skilled,
78
189508
1530
03:11
a rectal exam.
79
191062
1151
03:12
(Laughter)
80
192237
2533
03:14
Here are some ground rules for social justice comedy:
81
194794
3201
03:18
first off, it's not partisan.
82
198019
1959
03:20
This isn't political comedy, this is about justice,
83
200002
2541
03:22
and no one is against justice.
84
202567
1697
03:24
Two, it's inviting and warm,
85
204288
1993
03:26
it makes you feel like you're sitting inside of a burrito.
86
206305
2761
03:29
Three, it's funny but sneaky,
87
209090
2405
03:31
like you could be hearing an interesting treatise
88
211519
2796
03:34
on income inequality,
89
214339
1214
03:35
that's encased in a really sophisticated poop joke.
90
215577
2914
03:38
(Laughter)
91
218515
1619
03:40
Here's how I see social justice comedy working.
92
220158
3023
03:43
A few years ago, I rounded up a bunch of Muslim-American comedians --
93
223205
3298
03:46
in a non-violent way --
94
226527
1166
03:47
(Laughter)
95
227717
1524
03:49
And we went around the country
96
229265
1472
03:50
to places like Alabama, Arizona, Tennessee, Georgia --
97
230761
2937
03:53
places where they love the Muzzies --
98
233722
2199
03:55
and we did stand-up shows.
99
235945
2688
03:58
We called the tour "The Muslims Are Coming!"
100
238657
2314
04:00
(Laughter)
101
240995
2265
04:03
We turned this into a movie,
102
243284
1706
04:05
and then after the movie came out,
103
245014
2224
04:07
a known hate group spent 300,000 dollars
104
247262
3403
04:10
on an anti-Muslim poster campaign
105
250689
2121
04:12
with the MTA -- that's the New York City subway system.
106
252834
2871
04:15
Now, the posters were truly offensive,
107
255729
1846
04:17
not to mentioned poorly designed --
108
257599
1761
04:19
I mean, if you're going to be bigoted,
109
259384
1834
04:21
you might as well use a better font.
110
261242
1752
04:23
(Laughter)
111
263018
1001
04:24
But we decided, why not launch our own poster campaign
112
264043
3952
04:28
that says nice things about Muslims,
113
268019
1874
04:29
while promoting the movie.
114
269917
1247
04:31
So myself and fellow comedian Dean Obeidallah
115
271188
2125
04:33
decided to launch the fighting-bigotry- with-delightful-posters campaign.
116
273337
3496
04:36
We raised the money, worked with the MTA for over 5 months,
117
276857
3750
04:40
got the posters approved,
118
280631
1311
04:41
and two days after they were supposed to go up,
119
281966
2879
04:44
the MTA decided to ban the posters,
120
284869
3147
04:48
citing political content.
121
288040
1836
04:49
Let's take a look at a couple of those posters.
122
289900
2233
04:52
Here's one.
123
292157
1294
04:53
Facts about Muslims:
124
293475
1214
04:54
Muslims invented the concept of a hospital.
125
294713
2097
04:56
OK.
126
296834
1151
04:58
Fact: Grown-up Muslims can do more push-ups than baby Muslims.
127
298009
4007
05:02
(Laughter)
128
302040
1539
05:03
Fact: Muslims invented Justin Timberlake.
129
303603
2848
05:06
(Laughter)
130
306475
1079
05:07
Let's take a look at another one.
131
307578
1882
05:09
The ugly truth about Muslims:
132
309484
1429
05:10
they have great frittata recipes.
133
310937
2588
05:13
Now clearly, frittatas are considered political by the MTA.
134
313549
4507
05:18
Either that, or the mere mention of Muslims in a positive light
135
318080
3457
05:21
was considered political -- but it isn't.
136
321561
2024
05:23
It's about justice.
137
323609
1253
05:24
So we decided to change
138
324886
1159
05:26
our fighting-bigortry- with-delightful-posters campaign
139
326069
2608
05:28
and turn it into the fighting-bigotry- with-a-delightful-lawsuit campaign.
140
328701
3479
05:32
(Laughter)
141
332224
1615
05:33
So basically, what I'm saying is a couple of dirt-bag comedians
142
333863
2964
05:36
took on a major New York City agency
143
336851
2531
05:39
and the comedians won.
144
339406
1540
05:40
(Applause and cheers)
145
340970
2576
05:43
Thank you.
146
343570
1151
05:44
Victory was a very weird feeling.
147
344745
1723
05:46
I was like, "Is this what blonde girls feel like all the time?
148
346492
2936
05:49
'Cause this is amazing!"
149
349452
1319
05:50
(Laughter)
150
350795
2000
05:53
Here's another example.
151
353702
1491
05:55
I'm asked everywhere I go: "Why don't Muslims denounce terrorism?"
152
355999
3229
05:59
We do. But OK, I'll take the bait.
153
359252
2191
06:01
So I decided to launch thedailydenouncer.com.
154
361467
2646
06:04
It's a website that denounces terrorism every day of the week,
155
364137
2960
06:07
while taking the weekends off.
156
367121
1481
06:08
Let's take a look at an example.
157
368626
2358
06:11
They generally appear as single-panel cartoons,
158
371008
2397
06:13
"I denounce terrorism! I also denounce people who never fill the paper tray!"
159
373429
4419
06:17
The point of the website is that it denounces terrorism
160
377872
2815
06:20
while recognizing that it's ridiculous
161
380711
2136
06:22
that we have to constantly denounce terrorism.
162
382871
2761
06:25
But if bigotry isn't your thing,
163
385656
2251
06:27
social justice comedy is useful for all sorts of issues.
164
387931
3391
06:31
For example, myself and fellow comedian Lee Camp
165
391346
2891
06:34
went to the Cayman Islands to investigate offshore banking.
166
394261
3465
06:37
Now, the United States loses something like 300 billion dollars a year
167
397750
4905
06:42
in these offshore tax havens.
168
402679
1825
06:44
Not to brag,
169
404528
1254
06:45
but at the end of every month,
170
405806
1468
06:47
I have something like 5-15 dollars in disposable income.
171
407298
2644
06:49
So we walked into these banks in the Cayman Islands
172
409966
2472
06:52
and asked if we could open up a bank account
173
412462
2156
06:54
with eight dollars and 27 cents.
174
414642
2046
06:56
(Laughter)
175
416712
1803
06:58
The bank managers would indulge us for 30-45 seconds before calling security.
176
418539
5431
07:03
Security would come out, brandish their weapons,
177
423994
2572
07:06
and then we would squeal with fear and run away,
178
426590
2770
07:09
because -- and this is the last rule of social justice comedy --
179
429384
3029
07:12
sometimes it makes you want to take a dump in your pants.
180
432437
2714
07:15
Most of my work is meant to be fun.
181
435175
2847
07:18
It's meant to generate a connection and laughter.
182
438046
3087
07:21
But yes, sometimes I get run off the grounds by security.
183
441157
3332
07:24
Sometimes I get mean tweets and hate mail.
184
444513
2967
07:27
Sometimes I get voice mails saying that if I continue telling my jokes,
185
447504
4875
07:32
they'll kill me and they'll kill my family.
186
452403
3062
07:35
And those death threats are definitely not funny.
187
455489
3774
07:39
But despite the occasional danger,
188
459287
2134
07:41
I still think that social justice comedy is one of our best weapons.
189
461445
3900
07:45
I mean, we've tried a lot of approaches to social justice,
190
465369
3055
07:48
like war and competitive ice dancing.
191
468448
2522
07:50
But still, a lot of things are still kind of awful.
192
470994
3850
07:55
So I think it's time we try and tell a really good poop joke.
193
475265
3242
07:59
Thank you.
194
479033
1151
08:00
(Applause)
195
480208
4292
About this website

This site will introduce you to YouTube videos that are useful for learning English. You will see English lessons taught by top-notch teachers from around the world. Double-click on the English subtitles displayed on each video page to play the video from there. The subtitles scroll in sync with the video playback. If you have any comments or requests, please contact us using this contact form.

https://forms.gle/WvT1wiN1qDtmnspy7