The true cost of financial dependence | Estelle Gibson

Transcriber: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Camille Martínez

譯者: Yuwei Duan 審譯者: Hilda Chan

I grew up in a family where my father managed all of the money.

在我家裡，我的父親掌管所有錢，

But for some reason, when I was eight or nine years old,

但是出於某些原因， 當我八、九歲時，

he started showing me things about money.

他開始向我展示有關金錢的事情。

We would sit at the kitchen table, and he'd show me all the bank books.

我們會坐在廚房餐桌前， 他給我看所有的銀行帳本。

Now, that was back in the day before the internet,

那是在網路時代前，

when we used to have little books that we used to keep our information in.

我們通常用小本子記事。

And he would show me how he saved in these accounts,

然後他給我看如何把錢存入帳戶，

and he'd pay bills out of these.

再用帳戶裡的錢繳納開支。

And every time he would show me something about money,

每次他給我看和錢有關的東西時，

he would end by saying, "And don't you tell your mother."

最後都會說上一句： 「不要告訴你媽媽。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now, to this day, I really don't know why he said that,

現在我依舊不知道他為何這麼說。

but what I do know is,

但我知道的是，

to that eight-year-old girl sitting at the kitchen table,

對於坐在廚房餐桌前的八歲女孩來說，

it meant, "Don't say a word."

這就意味著：「什麼也不准說。」

Years later, when I got my first job, my father said,

幾年後我找到第一份工作時，

爸爸說：「你把工資支票給我， 我幫你存到銀行去。」

"You'll bring me your check, and I'll put it in the bank for you."

But because of what he taught me years before, I said,

但是因為幾年前他教過我的事，

我說：「我希望有自己的銀行帳本。」

"I'd like my bank book."

And to my surprise, he gave it to me.

讓我意外的是， 他真的給了我自己的銀行帳本。

Right then, at 16 years old,

那個時候我才 16 歲，

I began managing my own money.

我開始管理自己的錢了。

I went on to college and then to start my new career as a CPA,

大學畢業之後，我就開始了 註冊會計師（CPA）的職業生涯，

but now, with students loans, getting an apartment and a new job,

但是現在，因為學生貸款、 租公寓和換工作，

I began the roller-coaster ride of accumulating debt, paying it off

我開始了一場雲霄飛車般的過程，

債務累積，還清債務，然後積累更多。

and accumulating more.

Many years later, after getting married, I went through an unexpected divorce,

多年過後，我經歷了 一場意料之外的離婚，

and I was left with a house I couldn't afford

我負擔不起剩下的房貸和帳單。

and bills I couldn't pay.

You might be wondering,

你可能會好奇，

"How does that happen to someone

「這樣的事怎麼會發生在

that's educated and skilled at managing people's money?"

一個受過教育並有能力管理 別人的錢的人身上？」

I had reverted back to what I learned growing up:

我開始反思自己從小學到的道理：

that one person managed all the money.

一個人管理所有錢。

I had handed over my financial power,

我放棄了自己的理財權，

and I had become financially dependent.

然後產生財務依賴。

Financial dependency is when someone is dependent on a person,

財務依賴是指當一個人依賴某個人、

a job or a situation for money,

一份工作或收入，

and they feel trapped.

然後感覺到被困住的狀態。

People fall into two categories:

人們會分為兩大類：

dependent with choice and dependent without a choice.

有選擇的依賴和無選擇的依賴。

Someone is dependent with choice when they hand over their financial power

有選擇的依賴指的是

主動交出理財權和參與權。

and their participation.

It can happen in personal or business relationships

這可能會發生在人際關係 或工作關係中。

when one person doesn't want to be involved with the money,

當一個人不想捲入金錢問題之中，

so they hand over the responsibility to a spouse, a partner or a professional,

所以他們把責任交給 配偶、伴侶或專業人士，

like an accountant or a manager.

例如會計或經理。

This was my situation.

我的情況正是如此。

I spent all day long managing other people's money,

我整天忙著管理別人的錢，

so I was relieved

當我的丈夫願意 並擅長管理我們的錢時，

that my husband was interested and good at managing ours.

我感覺鬆了一口氣。

I was free!

我解放了！

For the first time since that first job at 16 years old,

自從我 16 歲有第一份工作開始，

I didn't have to be responsible for managing my money.

我不再需要負責管理我自己的錢。

But what I failed to realize was what felt like freedom

但是我搞錯了一件事：

所謂的自由，事實上是依賴。

was really dependency.

My mistake is that I didn't stay involved

我的錯誤是我自己沒有參與

or understand what was going on with our money.

或者搞清我們的錢都花到了哪裡去。

You may have experienced this yourself,

你可能也經歷過這樣的事，

or you may have heard stories of celebrities or professional athletes

你也可能聽說過名人或專業運動員

that have relied on family, friends and others to manage their money,

依賴家人、朋友或其他人 來管理他們的錢的故事，

and they are left broke, bankrupt and betrayed

正因為他們決定交出財政權，

because they made the choice to hand over their financial power.

最終導致破產或者受到背叛。

Someone that's dependent without a choice feels trapped

無法不依賴別人的人，

because of their financial situation.

會因為自身財政狀況 而感到被困住了。

They can be in a job or career where they're unhappy or being harassed

他們在職場上可能不開心 或受到了騷擾，

but they can't afford to leave.

但是他們沒有能力辭職。

Or, someone that's had to move in with family and friends

或者有人不得不和家人、朋友同住，

because they've had an illness

因為他們病了

or gone through a divorce or experienced a tragedy,

或者正處於離婚中， 或正在經歷一段悲劇，

and now they're financially dependent on others.

以致於現在財務上依賴別人。

And how many of us know someone that has an elderly parent or a relative

我們當中有多少人認識一些朋友，

他們年邁的父母或親戚 已經不能照顧自己，

that can no longer take care of themselves,

and they're left to rely on others,

只能依賴別人，

sometimes handing over their homes, their money and other assets.

有時交出他們的房子、錢和其它資產。

Another type of dependency without a choice is financial abuse.

另一類無法避免的依賴就是 「經濟虐待」。

Financial abuse is a pattern of abusive behavior

經濟虐待是虐待的一種形式，

used to control and intimidate a partner.

用來控制和恐嚇伴侶。

Victims are in a relationship, and the other person has power over them,

受害者處於一段關係之中， 其他人有權控制他們，

because they don't have access to money, information

因為他們無法賺錢、獲取資訊

or the resources and support they need to leave.

或取得有助他們離開的資源和幫助。

The Allstate Foundation has a program called the Purple Purse

全州基金會（Allstate Foundation） 有個名為「紫色錢包」的企劃，

that helps victims of domestic violence

旨在透過經濟充權 幫助家庭暴力的受害者。

through financial empowerment.

They report that 99 percent --

他們報導 99%──

in 99 out of one hundred domestic violence cases --

即 100 個家暴案例中有 99 個──

financial abuse helps keep victims trapped in their relationship.

經濟虐待讓這些受害者 深陷這段關係，無法逃脫。

The Purple Purse has coined financial abuse "the invisible weapon,"

「紫色錢包」把經濟虐待 稱為「隱形武器」，

because visible abuse leaves bruises and scars

因為身體虐待會留下明顯的傷痕，

but financial abuse doesn't.

但經濟虐待不會。

Financial abuse and financial dependency leave emotional scars that you can't see.

經濟虐待和財務依賴只會留下 看不見的心裡創傷，

They include hopelessness, guilt, shame, depression,

包括絕望、內疚、羞耻、抑鬱、

lack of confidence and self-esteem.

缺乏自信和自尊。

Financial dependency is also invisible, because no one's talking about it.

財務依賴是隱形的， 也因為沒有人談論它。

Why?

為什麼？

因為沒有人想揭開情感傷口，

Because no one wants to show their emotional scars,

and because we're taught in our homes, on our jobs and in our community

而且我們在家裡、工作場合 和社區裡接受的教育是：

not to talk about money.

不要討論金錢。

So many people that I talk to about this issue,

所以很多和我聊過這個問題的人

they can relate and they have a story,

感同身受，也有自己的故事，

but they're not telling anyone their story.

但他們不會跟任何人提起他們的故事。

When I was told at the kitchen table, "Don't you tell,"

正如我在廚房的餐桌被警告： 「不要說出去」，

I never told anyone.

我就真的從未告訴任何人。

It's even hard for me right now to break that rule that I learned so long ago.

雖然這條規矩早就加諸於我， 但現在我要打破它還是很難。

So, what can I do? What can you do?

所以我能做什麼？你能做什麼？

What can we all do to disarm this invisible weapon?

我們都能做些什麼 來解除這個隱形武器？

We can solve three problems.

我們可以解決三個問題。

The first problem is lack of awareness,

第一個問題是缺少意識，

because knowing about money and having money

因為了解錢和擁有錢

aren't always the solution.

不總是解決問題的辦法。

In my situation, I was educated and experienced in managing money,

我的情況是，我接受過教育 也在管理金錢上有經驗，

but that didn't stop me from becoming financially dependent.

但我最後還是成為了財務依賴的人。

Why?

為什麼？

Because of the beliefs and experiences I had growing up:

因為我從小的信仰和經歷：

one person manages all the money.

一個人管理所有錢。

After my divorce, I had to rebuild my life financially and emotionally.

在我離婚後，我不得不重建 我的經濟和情緒生活。

So I took every self-development course

所以我參加了各種個人發展的課程，

and I read every self-help book I could find.

讀遍了我能找到的自助書籍。

And that's when I began to understand the dynamics of the family I grew up in

那時我開始理解從小長大的家庭環境，

and how they played a role in me handing over my financial power.

以及在我交出理財權時 家庭給我帶來的影響。

When you become aware of your inner bruises and scars,

當你意識到你的內在傷口，

you can begin to break free from financial dependency.

你就可以開始從財務依賴中解放。

The next problem is lack of information about financial literacy.

下一個問題是， 缺少財務知識的資訊。

Financial literacy is having the skills and the knowledge

財務知識是指，掌握相關知識和技術

to make informed decisions about your money.

以做出明智的理財決定。

It includes topics like savings and investing,

這包括存款和投資、

budgeting and debt.

預算和債務等。

In 2018, only 17 states required financial literacy

在 2018 年，只有 17 個州要求

在中學課程中培養財務素養。

in high school curriculums.

This corresponds with recent studies that show that 66 percent of Americans

這和最近的一項研究結果吻合， 研究表明 66% 的美國人

are financially illiterate.

在經濟上處於無知狀態。

If you are in a financial dependency situation,

如果你處於財務依賴的狀態，

start by looking and going through your finances,

請開始審視你的財政情況、

making decisions, participate in making decisions about your money.

自己作出或參與作出 有關你的錢的決定。

If you are in a financial abuse situation,

如果你處於經濟虐待的狀態，

get access to your information.

想辦法獲得資訊，

Look for financial documents like bank credit card statements,

尋找像銀行信用卡帳單、

social security information and account pass codes.

社保資訊和帳戶密碼等財務文件。

The last problem is lack of giving and getting support.

最後一個問題是， 缺少給予和獲得支持的渠道。

Many people don't know that there are free resources

很多人不知道在網路上和當地社區

online and in your local community

會提供免費的資源

to help you learn and establish healthy money habits.

來幫助你學習並建立健康的理財習慣。

There are also free resources if you are a victim of financial abuse,

如果你是經濟虐待的受害者，

也能找到紫色錢包這樣的免費資源。

like the Purple Purse.

Giving support includes listening to others that are financially dependent

提供支持包括傾聽財務依賴者的困擾

without judgment or criticism.

而不帶評論或批判。

It also involves sharing your story,

同樣也包括了分享你的故事，

because when you share your story, you empower others,

因為當你把故事分享給別人， 你能讓別人獲得力量，

and you give them the permission

同時也讓他們得以重寫自己的故事。

to rewrite their own.

It's my hope that by sharing my story,

我希望透過分享我的故事

more people will learn about financial dependency,

能讓更多人了解財務依賴、

will share their own stories

分享他們自己的故事，

and will connect with others to shed a light on this hidden issue

並透過與他人交流揭露隱藏的問題，

so that we can all have financial freedom.

讓我們所有人都能獲得財務自由。

(Applause)

（掌聲）