What we can do about the culture of hate | Sally Kohn

翻译人员: Song Ye 校对人员: Cheese Lee

So people tell me I'm a nice person ...

大家都说我人很好……

to the point where it's part of my personal and professional identity

好像这已经是我个人 和职业身份的一部分，

that I'm so nice and able to get along with anyone,

我人很好，好到能和任何人相处，

even my most fierce opponents.

甚至是我最可怕的对手。

It's like my "thing," it's what I'm known for.

这就像是我的“特长”，我以此闻名。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But what no one knows ...

但没有人知道……

is that I was a bully.

我曾是个恶霸。

Honestly, I didn't think about it much myself.

老实说，我自己不太去想这件事。

I buried the memories for years,

我把这段记忆深埋多年了，

and even still, a lot of it's really hazy.

就算现在，很多部分也很模糊。

Denial, by the way, apparently is also one of my things.

顺便说声，很显然 否认也是我的特长之一。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But the more people started to praise me

但越多人开始赞美我，

for being a liberal who could get along with conservatives,

说我是能和保守派相处的自由派，

and the more I wrote articles about being nice

并且我越关于与人为善的文章，

and gave talks about being nice,

做关于与人为善的演说，

the more I felt this hypocrisy creeping up inside me.

我就越觉得我心中的伪善 在慢慢滋长。

What if I was actually really mean?

如果我真的很差劲呢？

When I was 10 years old,

当我十岁时，

there was a girl in my class at school named Vicky.

在我班上有个女孩叫维姬（Vicky）。

(Sigh)

（叹气）

And I tormented her ...

我作弄了她……

mercilessly.

很无情地作弄。

I mean, everyone did.

其实，人人都如此，

Even the teachers picked on her.

甚至是老师们也找她的茬。

It doesn't make it any better, does it?

但这并不会让我的行为听上去 比较好一点，对吧？

Vicky was clearly a troubled kid.

维姬显然是个问题儿童。

She would hit herself and give herself bloody noses

她会把自己打到流鼻血，

and she had hygiene problems --

她还不讲卫生——

she had big hygiene problems.

她有很大的卫生问题。

But instead of helping this girl,

但我们没有去帮助这个女孩，

who was plainly suffering from hardships in her life ...

这个人生中饱受折磨的女孩...

we called her "Sticky Vicky."

相反，我们叫她“黏黏维姬”。

I called her "Sticky Vicky."

我叫她“黏黏维姬”。

My clearest memory is standing in the empty hallway

我最清楚的一段记忆是， 我站在五年级教室外

outside the fifth grade classrooms

空无一人的走廊，

waiting for Vicky to come out of the bathroom,

等维姬从厕所出来，

我拿着写字板、笔 和一项我编的调查，

and I have a clipboard and a pen and a survey I've made up,

asking about shampoo preferences,

询问关于洗发水偏好的问题，

like I'm doing a study for science class or something.

就像是我在做科学课作业之类的。

And when Vicky comes out of the bathroom,

当维姬从厕所走出来，

I pounce on her and I ask her what shampoo she uses.

我立马抓住她，问她用什么洗发水。

Now, to put this in perspective,

现在回想这件事，

I can't remember the names of my teachers,

我不记得我老师们的名字，

不记得那年我读的任何书名，

I can't remember the names of any of the books I read that year,

几乎不记得任何五年级的事，

I pretty much can't remember anything from fifth grade,

但我记得维姬告诉我她用 白雨（White Rain）洗发水。

but I remember that Vicky told me she used White Rain shampoo.

Clear as yesterday,

记忆犹新，

like it just happened.

好像刚发生一样。

And as classes let out,

下课的时候，

I ran down the hall shouting at all the other kids,

我跑到走廊，对其他孩子大喊，

"Sticky Vicky uses White Rain shampoo.

“黏黏维姬用白雨洗发水。

Don't use White Rain shampoo

别用白雨洗发水，

or you'll smell like Sticky Vicky."

否则你就会闻起来像黏黏维姬一样。”

I forgot about this memory for a long time.

很长一段时间， 我都没有想起这件事。

When I finally started remembering it,

当我终于开始忆起时，

我迫不及待需要知道更多。

I immediately needed to know more.

我求助于朋友甚至社交网络，

I reached out to friends and eventually social media,

and I did everything I could to try to find Vicky.

我尽一切可能试图找到维姬。

我需要知道她过得不错，

I needed to know that she was OK,

and that I hadn't ruined her life.

并且我没有毁了她的人生。

(Sigh)

（叹气）

But what I quickly realized

但我很快意识到，

was I wasn't just trying to figure out what happened to Vicky.

我不只是在努力 弄清楚维姬怎么样了。

I was trying to figure out what happened to me.

我还想知道我身上发生了什么。

When I was 10 years old,

当我十岁时，

I treated another human being like some worthless other ...

我对待他人就像 对待毫无价值的人……

like I was better than her,

仿佛我就是比她好，

and she was garbage.

而她是垃圾。

What kind of a nice person does that?

什么样的好人会做这种事？

I mean, I know I was only a kid,

我知道我那时还小，

but not all kids do that.

但并非所有小孩都会那样做。

Most kids don't do that, right?

多数小孩都不会那样做，对吧？

So, what if I wasn't nice after all?

所以，如果我根本不是好人怎么办？

I was really just a hateful monster.

我曾经只是个可憎的禽兽。

Then I started to notice myself having these mean impulses,

然后我开始注意到 自己会有些卑鄙的冲动，

thinking mean thoughts

卑鄙的想法，

and wanting to say them.

并且想要说出来。

Admittedly, most of my mean thoughts were about conservatives.

无可否认，我大部分卑鄙的想法 都和保守派有关。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But not just conservatives.

但不仅仅是保守派，

I also caught myself thinking mean things about mushy, centrist liberals

我也曾逮到自己对其他人有 卑鄙的想法，比如含糊中间的自由派、

and greedy Wall Street bankers

贪婪的华尔街银行家、

and Islamophobes

恐伊斯兰教者、

and slow drivers,

还有开车慢的司机，

because I really hate slow drivers.

因为我真的很讨厌 开车很慢的司机。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And as I'd catch myself in these moments of hypocrisy,

当我发现自己在这些伪善时刻，

either I was just noticing them or they were getting worse,

可能是我刚开始注意到 它们或它们正在恶化，

especially in the last few years.

尤其是过去几年，

And as I felt more hateful --

当我感到更加充满憎恨——

rageful, really --

更确切的说是充满怒火——

I noticed the world around me seemed to be getting more hateful, too.

我发现我身边的世界 好像也变得更加充满憎恨。

Like there was this steady undercurrent of hate

好像有一条稳定的憎恨暗流

bubbling up all around us

在我们四周开始冒泡，

and increasingly overflowing.

并渐渐开始溢出。

So the plus side, I guess,

所以我猜，好的一面

is that I realized that hate was not just my problem,

是我意识到憎恨并不仅是我的问题，

which is like, the most selfish plus side ever --

就像，这是最自私的“好的一面”——

(Laughter)

（笑声）

because now instead of just my own hate and cruelty to try to figure out,

因为现在我不仅要搞清楚 我自己的憎恨和残酷，

I had a whole world of hate I wanted to unravel

我还有全世界的憎恨问题 想要去解决、

and understand and fix.

理解，和修复。

So I did what all overly intellectual people do when they have a problem

所以我做了所有极聪明的人 面对他们想要了解的问题时

that they want to understand,

所做的事，

and I wrote a book.

我写了本书。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I wrote a book about hate.

我写了本关于憎恨的书。

Spoiler alert:

剧透一下：

I'm against it.

我反对它。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now at this point, you might be thinking to yourself,

此时，你们自己可能在想，

"Why are y'all worried about hate?

“为什么你们要担心憎恨？

You didn't hate Vicky.

你们不恨维姬。

Bullying isn't hate."

霸凌并不是憎恨。”

Isn't it?

不是吗？

Gordon Allport,

戈登·奥尔波特（Gordon Allport），

the psychologist who pioneered the study of hate in the early 1900s,

90 年初憎恨研究领域的 先锋心理学家，

developed what he called a "scale of prejudice."

提出了他所谓的“偏见量表”。

At one end are things like genocide and other bias-motivated violence.

量表的一端是像大屠杀 和其他偏见造成的暴力。

But at the other end

但在另一端

are things like believing that your in-group

是相信你的内圈人

is inherently superior to some out-group,

本质上就比一些外圈人更优越，

or avoiding social interaction with those others.

或是避免和外圈人的社交。

Isn't that all hate?

那不都是憎恨吗？

I mean, it wasn't an accident

以下这些都不是意外，

that I was a rich kid picking on a poor kid,

我是个富孩子，去找穷孩子的茬，

or that Vicky, it turns out, would eventually end up being gay.

或维姬其实是一名同性恋。

Poor kids and gay kids are more likely to be bullied,

穷孩子和同性恋孩子更容易被霸凌，

even by kids who also end up being gay.

甚至是被其他同性恋孩子霸凌。

I know there was a lot going on in my little 10-year-old mind.

我知道我十岁时脑子里会想很多东西。

I'm not saying hate was the only reason I picked on Vicky

我并不是说憎恨是 我找维姬的茬的唯一原因，

or even that I was consciously hateful or anything,

甚至是我在有意地憎恨之类的，

but the fact is,

但事实是，

the people we discriminate against in our public policies and in our culture

我们在我们公共政策和文化中 所歧视的对象，

are also the groups of people most likely to be bullied in school.

也正是在学校中最可能被霸凌的人群。

That is not just a coincidence.

那并不是巧合。

That's hate.

那是憎恨。

I am defining hate in a broad way

我在用广义的方式来定义憎恨，

because I think we have a big problem.

因为我认为我们有个很大的问题，

And we need to solve all of it, not just the most extremes.

我们需要彻底解决这个问题， 并不只是解决最极端的部分。

So for instance,

比如，

we probably all agree that marching down the street,

我们可能都认同，在街上游行，

chanting about you should take away rights from some group of people

反复喊着应该夺走拥有

某些肤色和性别的人群的权利，

because of their skin color or their gender,

我们都认同这是憎恨，对吧？那好。

we'd all agree that's hate, right? OK.

What if you believe that group of people is inferior,

如果你相信某个人群是低等的，

but you don't say it?

但却不说出来呢？

Is that hate?

那是憎恨吗？

Or what if you believe that group of people is inferior

或者，如果你相信那个人群是低等的，

but you aren't aware that you believe it --

但你没意识到你相信这件事呢——

what's known as implicit bias.

这就是潜在性偏见。

Is that hate?

这是憎恨吗？

I mean they all have the same roots, don't they?

这几种情况都有同样的根源，对吧？

In the historic patterns of racism and sexism

种族主义和性别主义的历史模式

that have shaped our history and still infect our society today.

塑造了我们的历史， 至今仍影响着我们的社会。

Isn't it all hate?

这不都是憎恨吗？

I'm not saying they're the same thing,

我并不是说它们是一样的，

just like I am not saying

就像我并不是说

霸凌者和纳粹份子一样糟糕，

that being a bully is as bad as being a Nazi,

just like I'm not saying that being a Nazi is the same thing as punching a Nazi ...

就像我并不是说成为纳粹分子 和殴打纳粹分子是一样的……

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But hating a Nazi is still hate, right?

但憎恨纳粹也同样是憎恨，对吧？

What about hating someone who isn't as enlightened as you?

那么憎恨某些 不像你一样文明的人呢？

See, what I learned

我所知道的是，

is that we all are against hate

我们都反对憎恨，

and we all think hate is a problem.

我们都认为憎恨是个问题。

We think it's their problem,

我们认为这是他人的问题，

not our problem.

不是我们的问题。

They're hateful.

他人充满憎恨。

I mean, if I think the people who didn't vote like me

如果我认为那些投票 和我投得不一样的人

are stupid racist monsters who don't deserve to call themselves Americans,

就是愚蠢的种族禽兽， 根本不值得被称为美国人，

alright, fine, I'm not being nice,

好啦，我并没有对人很好，

I get it.

我知道。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I'm not hateful, I'm just right, right?

我并不是充满憎恨， 我只是对的，对吧？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Wrong.

错。

We all hate.

我们都会憎恨。

And I do not mean that in some abstract, generic sense.

我并不是指在抽象的一般意义上，

I mean all of us ...

我指我们所有人……

me and you.

我和你们。

That sanctimonious pedestal of superiority on which we all place ourselves,

我们心中充满了假装圣洁的优越感，

that they are hateful and we are not,

认为别人都充满憎恨而我们没有，

is a manifestation of the essential root of hate:

那本身就是对憎恨的本质的一种表现：

that we are fundamentally good and they are not,

本质上，我们是好的，而他人不是，

which is what needs to change.

这点是需要改变的。

So in trying to understand and solve hate,

为了去了解和解决憎恨，

I read every book and every research study I could find,

我读了我能找到的所有书籍和研究，

but I also went and talked to some former Nazis

也去和一些前纳粹分子、

and some former terrorists

前恐怖分子、

and some former genocidal killers,

和前种族屠杀者交谈过，

because I figured if they could figure out how to escape hate,

因为我认为，如果他们能够 想出如何脱离憎恨，

surely the rest of us could.

我们其他人一定也可以。

Let me give you just one example of the former terrorist I spent time with

让我举个位于约旦河西岸地区的

in the West Bank.

前恐怖分子的例子。

When Bassam Aramin was 16 years old,

巴萨姆·阿拉米 （Bassam Aramin）十六岁时，

he tried to blow up an Israeli military convoy with a grenade.

他试图用一颗手榴弹 炸毁一个以色列军事车队。

He failed, fortunately,

幸运的是，他失败了，

but he was still sentenced to seven years in prison.

但他仍然被判处七年监禁。

When he was in prison, they showed a film about the Holocaust.

他在狱中时，观看了一部 关于纳粹大屠杀的影片。

Up until that point,

在此之前，

Bassam had thought the Holocaust was mostly a myth.

巴萨姆认为纳粹大屠杀 多半是个传说而已。

He went to go watch the film

他去看了那部影片，

because he thought he would enjoy seeing Jews get killed.

因为他认为他会享受 看着犹太人被杀。

But when he saw what really happened, he broke down crying.

但当他看到了事情的真相， 他崩溃大哭。

And eventually, after prison,

最终，服刑结束后，

Bassam went on to get a master's degree in Holocaust studies

巴萨姆回到学校， 取得了大屠杀研究的硕士学位，

and he founded an organization where former Palestinian combatants

并成立了一个组织，在那里， 前巴勒斯坦战士们

and Israeli combatants come together,

和以色列战士们能和谐相处，

work together, try to find common ground.

一起努力，试图找到共识。

By his own account, Bassam used to hate Israelis,

按巴萨姆自己的说法， 他曾经憎恨以色列人，

but through knowing Israelis and learning their stories

但通过了解以色列人和他们的故事

and working together for peace,

并一起努力寻求和平，

he overcame his hate.

他克服了自己的憎恨。

Bassam says he still doesn't hate Israelis,

巴萨姆说他仍然不会憎恨以色列人，

even after the Israeli military --

即使以色列军队——

shot and killed his [10]-year-old daughter, Abir,

射杀了他十岁的女儿阿比尔（Abir），

while she was walking to school.

当时她正在去上学的路上。

(Sigh)

（叹气）

Bassam even forgave the soldier who killed his daughter.

巴萨姆甚至原谅了杀害他女儿的士兵。

That soldier, he taught me,

他告诉我，那个士兵

was just a product of the same hateful system as he was.

和他一样只是憎恨体制下的产物。

If a former terrorist ...

如果一位前恐怖分子……

if a terrorist can learn to stop hating

如果一位恐怖分子能学会停止憎恨，

and still not hate when their child is killed,

并在孩子被杀害后还能不去憎恨，

surely the rest of us can stop our habits

当然我们其他人也能够停止

of demeaning and dehumanizing each other.

去贬低他人和非人化的习性。

And I will tell you there are stories like Bassam's all over the world,

我可以告诉大家， 世界各地都有巴萨姆这样的故事，

plus study after study after study

还有一项又一项的研究，

that says, no, we are neither designed nor destined as human beings to hate,

指出我们人类并不是先天就会 或注定要去憎恨，

but rather taught to hate by the world around us.

我们其实是被周遭世界 教导要去憎恨的。

I promise you,

我向各位保证，

none of us pops out of the womb hating black people or Republicans.

没有人一出子宫 就憎恨黑人或共和党的。

There is nothing in our DNA that makes us hate Muslims or Mexicans.

我们的基因中不带有任何 对穆斯林或墨西哥人的憎恨。

For better or for worse,

不管怎样，

we are all a product of the culture around us.

我们都是周遭文化下的产物。

And the good news is,

好消息是，

we're also the ones who shape that culture,

我们也是塑造这种文化的人，

which means we can change it.

这就表示我们能够改变它。

The first step is starting to recognize the hate inside ourselves.

第一步就是开始承认我们内心的憎恨。

We need to catch ourselves

我们需要捕捉我们自己

and our hateful thoughts in all their forms

和我们的憎恨想法，不论是怎样的形式，

in all of us ...

不论在谁身上……

and work to challenge our ideas and assumptions.

并努力去挑战我们的想法和假设。

That doesn't happen overnight,

那不会一蹴而就，

I am telling you right here,

我在这里告诉各位，

it is a lifelong journey, but it's one we all need to take.

这会是一生的旅途， 但是我们都不能错过。

And then second:

第二步：

if we want to challenge the hate in our societies,

如果我们想挑战我们社会中的憎恨，

we need to promote policies and institutions and practices

就需要推动政策、制度和实践

that connect us as communities.

来将我们联结成共同体。

Literally, like integrated neighborhoods and schools.

毫不夸张，就像是融合街坊和学校。

That by the way is the reason to support integration.

顺带一提，那就是支持融合的原因。

Not just because it's the right thing to do,

不仅因为这是对的事，

but because integration systematically combats hate.

也因为融合能系统地对抗憎恨。

There are studies that teenagers who participate

有研究指出，青少年如果参与

in racially integrated classes and activities reduce their racial bias.

种族融合的课程和活动， 就能降低他们的种族偏见。

And when little kids go to racially integrated kindergartens

当小孩去种族融合的幼儿园

and elementary schools --

和小学——

they develop less bias to begin with.

他们一开始就会发展出更少的偏见。

But the fact is in so many ways and in so many places around our world,

但事实上，在世界上许多地方， 我们以许多方式

we are separated from each other.

将彼此分离。

In the United States, for instance,

比如，在美国，

three-quarters of white people don't have any non-white friends.

四分之三的白人 没有任何非白人的朋友。

So in addition to promoting those proactive solutions,

所以在推动那些主动的解决方案之外，

the other thing we need to do is upend the hate in our institutions

我们还需要去颠覆我们的制度

and our policies

和政策中那些

that perpetuate dehumanization and difference

长存的去人性的、差异化的、

and otherizing and hate,

他人化的和憎恨的行为，

like systems of sexual harassment and sexual assault in the workplace,

就像允许工作场合 性骚扰和性侵犯的体制，

or our deeply racially imbalanced

或我们那些在种族上极不平等、

and deeply racially biased criminal "justice" system.

极具种族偏见的刑事“司法”系统。

We need to change that.

我们需要改变它。

Again, it will not happen overnight.

同样的，这也不会一蹴而就。

It needs to happen.

它必须要发生。

And then ...

然后……

when we connect together

当我们联结在一起，

in these connection spaces,

在这些联结的空间中，

facilitated by connection systems,

有着联结的系统支持，

we need to change the way we talk to each other

我们需要改变对彼此说话的方式

and connect with one another

以及彼此联结的方式，

and relate with generosity and open-mindedness

并将彼此用宽宏大量、开放心胸、

and kindness and compassion

仁慈、同情心联系在一起，

and not hate.

并非憎恨。

And that's it.

就是这样。

That's it.

就这样。

(Applause)

（掌声）

I have solved it all, right?

我把问题全解决了，对吧？

That's it.

就这样。

大致上就这样——

That is pretty much --

还有少数细节——

there's a few details --

但我们需要做的差不多就这样。

but that's pretty much all we have to do.

没那么复杂，对吧？

It's not that complicated, right?

But it's hard.

其实，这很困难。

The hate that we feel towards certain groups of people

我们会针对某些人群感到憎恨，

because of who they are or what they believe

是因为他们的身份或信仰，

is so ingrained in our minds and in our society

这种憎恨在我们心中 和社会中根深蒂固，

that it can feel inevitable

以至于我们感觉这种憎恨 是无可避免的，

and impossible to change.

是无法改变的。

Change is possible.

然而，改变是可能的。

Just look at the terrorist who became a peace activist.

只要看看变成了 和平活动者的恐怖分子。

Or look at the bully who learned to apologize to her victim.

或看看学会了 向其受害者道歉的霸凌者。

The entire time I was traveling around the Middle East and Rwanda

当我在中东、卢旺达

and across the United States,

和美国各地旅行时，

hearing these unbelievable stories of people in communities

听到了很多难以置信的故事， 关于共同体中的人们

who had left entire histories of hate behind,

将所有憎恨历史都抛诸脑后，

I was still looking for Vicky.

而我也一直在寻找维姬。

It was so hard find her that I hired a private investigator

太难找到她了，所以我 雇佣了一名私家侦探，

and he found her.

他找到她了。

I mean, he sort of found her.

他算是找到她了。

The truth is, it became clear that the person I'm calling Vicky

事实是， 我称之为维姬的那个人

had gone to extraordinary lengths to hide her identity.

显然在不遗余力地去隐藏她的身份。

But anyway, a year after I began my journey,

但总之，在我开始旅程的一年后，

I wrote Vicky an apology.

我给维姬写了封道歉信。

And a few months later,

几个月后，

she wrote back.

她回信了。

(Sigh)

（叹气）

I'm not going to lie,

坦白说，

I wanted to be forgiven.

我想要得到原谅。

I wasn't.

但我没得到。

(Sigh)

（叹气）

She offered me sort of conditional forgiveness.

她给了我某种附带条件的原谅。

What she wrote was ...

她写的是……

"Messages such as yours cannot absolve you of your past actions.

“你写的这些话并不能 赦免你过去的行为。

The only way to do that is to improve the world,

只有一个方法，就是去改善这个世界，

prevent others from behaving in similar ways

避免他人去做类似的事，

and foster compassion."

并培养同情心。”

And Vicky's right.

维姬是对的。

Which is why I'm here.

这就是为什么我今天站在这里。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）