What comes after tragedy? Forgiveness | Azim Khamisa and Ples Felix

翻译人员: Ziqing Ye 校对人员: ximan hou

Azim Khamisa: We humans have many defining moments in our lives.

阿奇姆·卡米萨：我们人类在我们的 生命中有着许多决定性时刻。

Sometimes these moments are joyous,

有时这些时刻是快乐的，

and sometimes they are heartbreaking,

有些时候他们是令人心碎的，

tragic.

悲惨的。

But at these defining moments, if we are able to make the right choice,

但在这些决定性时刻， 如果我们能够做出正确的选择，

we literally manifest a miracle

我们就真正创造了一个奇迹，

in us and others.

在自己和其他人之中。

My only son Tariq, a university student,

我唯一的儿子塔里克，一个大学生，

kind, generous, a good writer, a good photographer,

善良，慷慨，是个好作家， 一个好的摄影师，

had aspirations to work for National Geographic,

曾有志于为国家地理工作，

engaged to a beautiful lady,

与一位美丽的女士订婚，

worked as a pizza deliveryman on Fridays and Saturdays.

在周五和周六时做披萨送餐员。

He was lured to a bogus address

他被一个青年帮派引诱到了 一个假地址，

by a youth gang.

And in a gang initiation,

在一个团伙发起的袭击中，

a 14-year-old shot and killed him.

一个14岁的男孩开枪打死了他。

The sudden, senseless death

一个无辜的，手无寸铁的人的

of an innocent, unarmed human being;

突然、毫无意义的死亡；

the overwhelming grief of a family;

家庭的极度悲伤；

the total confusion as you try to absorb a new, hideous reality.

当你试图去吸收一种新的、 丑恶的现实时，完全的困惑；

Needless to say it brought my life to a crashing halt.

不用说，它使我的生活戛然而止。

One of the hardest things I've ever had to do

我曾经做过的最困难的事情

was to call his mother, who lived in a different city.

是给他住在另一个城市的 母亲打电话。

How do you tell a mother she's never going to see her son again,

你如何告诉一个母亲， 她再也见不到她的儿子了，

or hear him laugh,

再也听不到他的笑声，

or give him a hug?

也再也无法给他一个拥抱？

I practice as a Sufi Muslim.

我是个苏菲派穆斯林。

I meditate two hours a day.

我每天会冥想两个小时。

And sometimes,

而有时候，

in deep trauma and deep tragedy,

在深深的悲痛和惨剧中，

there is a spark of clarity.

有着明晰的火花。

So what I downloaded in my meditation

所以，我在冥想中得到的是，

is that there were victims at both ends of the gun.

在手枪的两端都有受害者。

It's easy to see that my son was a victim of the 14-year-old,

很容易看出我的儿子是一个 十四岁的受害者，

a little bit complicated to see that he was a victim of American society.

而更难看出的是 他是美国社会的受害者。

而这就引发了一个问题， 好吧，谁是美国社会？

And that begs the question, well, who is American society?

Well, it's you and me,

这是你和我，

because I don't believe that society is just happenstance.

因为我并不相信社会仅仅是个偶然。

I think we are all responsible for the society we've created.

我想，我们对我们创造的社会 负有责任。

And children killing children is not a mark of a civil society.

而孩子杀害孩子 并不是一个文明社会的标志。

So nine months after Tariq died,

所以，塔里克死的九个月后，

我开始了塔里克·卡米萨基金会，

I started the Tariq Khamisa Foundation

and our mandate at the Tariq Khamisa Foundation

而我们在塔里克·卡米萨 基金会的使命

is to stop kids from killing kids

是通过打破青少年暴力的循环，

by breaking the cycle of youth violence.

阻止孩子杀害孩子。

And essentially we have three mandates.

而基本上，我们有三个任务。

Our first and foremost is to save lives of children.

我们的第一个，也是最重要的 是为了拯救孩子们的生命。

It's important to do. We lose so many on a daily basis.

这是很重要的， 我们每天都会失去这么多孩子。

Our second mandate

我们的第二个任务

is to empower the right choices so kids don't fall through the cracks

是为了授予正确的选择， 这样孩子就不会掉入裂缝中，

and choose lives of gangs and crime and drugs and alcohol and weapons.

并选择加入帮派，犯罪， 吸食毒品、沉迷 酒精和武器的生活。

And our third mandate is to teach the principles of nonviolence,

我们的第三个任务是教授 非暴力的标准，

of empathy, of compassion,

关于同情心，关于同理心，

of forgiveness.

关于宽恕。

And I started with a very simple premise

我以一个非常简单的前提开始。

that violence is a learned behavior.

暴力是后天习得的行为。

No child was born violent.

没有一个孩子生来就是暴力的。

If you accept that as a truism,

如果你认为这是老生常谈，

nonviolence can also be a learned behavior,

非暴力也可以是一种习得的行为，

but you have to teach it,

但你需要教授它。

because kids are not going to learn that

因为孩子们并不会通过渗透

学习到这一点。

through osmosis.

Soon after that, I reached out to my brother here,

不久之后，我联系了我在这儿的兄弟，

with the attitude that we had both lost a son.

怀着我们都失去了一个儿子的态度。

My son died.

我的儿子去世了。

He lost his grandson to the adult prison system.

他失去了他的孙子， 孙子进了成人监狱系统。

And I asked him to join me.

我请他加入我。

As you see, 22 years later, we are still here together,

正如你看到的，二十二年后， 我们还在一起，

because I can't bring Tariq back from the dead,

因为我不能让塔里克死而复生，

you can't take Tony out of prison,

你不能把托尼带出监狱，

but the one thing we can do

但我们可以做的一件事

is make sure no other young people in our community

是确保没有其他年轻人在我们的社区

end up dead or end up in prison.

最终死亡或最终入狱。

With the grace of God,

凭借神的恩惠，

the Tariq Khamisa Foundation has been successful.

塔里克·卡米萨基金会很成功。

We have a safe school model

我们有一个安全学校模式，

which has four different programs.

其中包含四个不同的项目。

The first one is a live assembly with Ples and me.

第一个是与普莱斯和我一起的 现场集会。

We are introduced,

我们被介绍，

this man's grandson killed this man's son,

这个男人的孙子杀死了 这个男人的儿子，

而在这里，他们在一起。

and here they are together.

We have in-classroom curriculum.

我们有教室内的课程。

We have an after school mentoring program, and we create a peace club.

我们有课后辅导计划， 我们创建了一个和平社团。

And I'm happy to share with you

而我很高兴和大家分享，

that besides teaching these principles of nonviolence,

在教授这些非暴力原则之外，

we are able to cut suspensions and expulsions by 70 percent,

我们还能够将监禁和被开除的人数 减少百分之七十，

which is huge.

而这是巨大的。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Which is huge.

这是巨大的。

Five years after Tariq died,

塔里克死后的五年后，

and for me to complete my journey of forgiveness,

为了使我能够完成通向原谅的道路，

I went to see the young man who killed my son.

我去看了杀死我儿子的年轻人。

He was 19 years old.

那时他十九岁。

And I remember that meeting because we were --

而我记得那次见面，因为我们——

he's 37, still in prison --

他现在三十七岁，仍然在监狱——

but at that first meeting, we locked eyeballs.

但在那第一次会面的时候， 我们锁定了目光。

I'm looking in his eyes, he's looking in my eyes,

我看着他的眼睛，他看着我的眼睛，

and I'm looking in his eyes trying to find a murderer, and I didn't.

而我看向他的眼睛，试着寻找 一个杀人犯，但我没有找到。

I was able to climb through his eyes

我能够爬过他的眼睛，

and touch his humanity that I got

而触及他的人性，而我发现

that the spark in him was no different than the spark in me

他身上的火花， 与我或者其他任何人的火花，

并没有什么不同。

or anybody else here.

So I wasn't expecting that. He was remorseful.

这出乎我的意料。他很懊悔。

He was articulate. He was well-mannered.

他善于表达。他很有礼貌。

And I could tell that my hand of forgiveness had changed him.

而我能够感受到， 我的宽恕之手改变了他。

So with that, please welcome my brother, Ples.

所以现在， 请欢迎我的兄弟，普莱斯。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Ples Felix: Tony is my one and only daughter's one and only child.

普莱斯·菲利克斯：托尼是我 唯一的女儿的唯一的孩子。

Tony was born to my daughter,

我的女儿生下了托尼，

who was 15 when she gave birth to Tony.

生托尼的时候我的女儿十五岁。

Mothering is the toughest job on the planet.

当母亲是整个地球上最难的工作。

There is no tougher job on the planet than raising another human being

这世界上，没有比养育另一个人类， 并且确保他们的安全，

and making sure they're safe, secure

并让他们能在生活中取得成功，

and well-positioned to be successful in life.

而更难的事了。

Tony experienced a lot of violence in his life as a young kid.

作为一个年轻的孩子，托尼 在他的人生中经历了许多暴力。

He saw one of his favorite cousins

他看见了他最喜爱的一位表亲

be murdered in a hail of automatic weapon fire

在洛杉矶的一场自动武器开火

and gang involvement in Los Angeles.

和团伙袭击中被谋杀。

He was very traumatized in so many different ways.

他在很多方面受到了创伤。

Tony came to live with me.

托尼来到了我这里住。

I wanted to make sure he had everything a kid needed

我想确保他一个孩子取得成功的

to be successful.

全部条件。

But on this particular evening,

但在这个特别的夜晚，

after years of being with me

在和我相处多年后，

and struggling mightily to try to be successful

在努力地尝试着取得成功

and to live up to my expectations of being a successful person,

并且试着达到我的期望来 成为一个成功的人后，

on this one particular day, Tony ran away from home that evening,

在这特别的一天， 托尼在那天晚上离家出走，

he went to be with people he thought were his friends,

他去和那些他认为的朋友待在一起。

he was given drugs and alcohol

他被给予了毒品和酒精，

and he took them

而他服用了，

because he thought they would make him feel carefree.

因为他认为， 这会让他感到无忧无虑。

But all it did was to make his anxiety go higher

但这只是让他变得更加焦虑，

and to create a more ...

并产生了更加......

more deadly thinking on his part.

让他产生了更致命的想法。

He was invited to a robbery,

他被邀请加入一场抢劫，

he was given a 9mm handgun.

他被给予了一把九毫米手枪，

And at the presence of an 18-year-old who commanded him

而在一个指挥他行动的十八岁男孩

and two 14-year-old boys he thought were his friends,

以及两个他当做朋友的 十四岁男孩面前，

he shot and killed Tariq Khamisa,

他枪杀了塔里克·卡米萨，

this man's son.

这个男人的儿子。

There are no words, there are no words

没有言语，没有任何言语

that can express the loss of a child.

能表达出失子之情。

At my understanding that my grandson was responsible

在我的理解中，我的孙子

for the murder of this human being,

是谋杀这个人类的罪魁祸首。

I went to the prayer closet, like I was taught by my old folks,

我去了祈祷室， 就像老人们教的那样，

and began to pray and meditate.

开始祈祷和冥想。

The one thing that Mr. Khamisa and I have in common,

卡米萨先生和我的一个共同点是，

and we didn't know this, besides being wonderful human beings,

而我们此前并不知道这一点， 除了我们都是好人之外，

is that we both meditate.

我们还都会冥想。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

It was very helpful for me

冥想对我很有帮助，

because it offered me an opportunity to seek guidance and clarity

因为它给了我一个机会去寻求指导

about how I wanted to be of support of this man and his family in this loss.

以及明确在这个损失中，我想 如何支持这个男人和他的家庭。

And sure enough, my prayers were answered,

当然，我的祷告得到了回应，

because I was invited to a meeting at this man's house,

因为我被邀请到这个男人的家中 去参加一个会面，

met his mother, his father,

我见到了他的母亲，他的父亲，

his wife, his brother, met their family

他的妻子，他的兄弟， 见到了他们的家庭，

and had a chance to be in the presence of God-spirited people led by this man,

并且有机会遇到由这个男人带领的 虔诚的人们，

who in the spirit of forgiveness,

他们本着宽恕的精神，

made way, made an opportunity for me

给了我一条路，给了我一个机会，

to be of value and to share with him and to share with children

让我变得有价值，并且能够向他们， 以及向孩子们分享

the importance of understanding the need to be with a responsible adult,

理解和一个有责任感的成年人 在一起的重要性，

focus on your anger in a way that's healthy,

以健康的方式关注你的愤怒，

learn to meditate.

学会冥想。

The programs that we have in the Tariq Khamisa Foundation

我们在塔里克·卡米萨基金会 所拥有的项目

provide so many tools for the kids to put in their toolkit

提供了许许多多的工具供孩子们使用

so they could carry them throughout their lives.

这样，他们便可以将这些工具 终身携带。

It's important that our children understand that loving, caring adults

让我们的孩子们知道关爱的大人们

care for them and support them,

会照顾他们，支持他们，

but it's also important that our children learn to meditate,

但让孩子们学会冥想也很重要，

learn to be peaceful,

学会平和，

学会集中精神，

learn to be centered

and learn to interact with the other children

并学会如何以一种友好的，同情的，

in a kind, empathetic

以及有爱的方式

and wonderfully loving way.

来与其他孩子互动。

We need more love in our society

我们的社会需要更多的爱。

and that's why we are here to share the love with children,

而这就是为什么我们在这里， 与孩子们分享爱，

because our children will lead the way for us,

因为我们的孩子们将会为我们引路，

because all of us will depend on our children.

因为我们所有人都将依赖 自己的孩子们。

As we grow older and retire, they will take over this world for us,

当我们变老，退休， 他们会替我们掌管这个世界，

so as much love as we teach them, they will give it back to us.

所以，我们教给他们多少爱， 他们就会将等量的爱还给我们。

Blessings. Thank you.

祝福。谢谢你们。

(Applause)

（掌声）

AK: So I was born in Kenya, I was educated in England,

阿奇姆·卡米萨：我在肯尼亚出生， 我在英国接受教育，

and my brother here is a Baptist.

而这里的我的兄弟是浸礼宗信徒。

I practice as a Sufi Muslim.

我信奉苏菲派穆斯林。

He's African American,

他是非裔美国人，

but I always tell him, I'm the African American in the group.

但我总是告诉他，在组里，我才是 那个非裔美国人。

我在非洲出生，你不是。

I was born in Africa. You were not.

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And I naturalized as a citizen.

而我自然而然的变成了公民。

I'm a first-generation citizen.

我是第一代公民。

And I felt that, as an American citizen,

而我觉得，作为一位美国公民，

I must take my share of the responsibility

我必须为我儿子的死

for the murder of my son.

担起我的那份责任。

Why? Because it was fired by an American child.

为何？因为是一个美国孩子开的火。

You could take the position, he killed my one and only son,

你可以选择这个立场， 他杀死了我唯一的儿子，

he should be hung from the highest pole.

所以他应该被吊死在最高的柱子上。

How does that improve society?

那样如何改善社会？

And I know you are probably wondering what happened to that young man.

而我知道你或许在想， 那个年轻人身上发生了什么。

He's still in prison. He just turned 37 on September 22,

他仍在监狱中。 9月22日的时候他刚满三十七岁，

but I have some good news.

但我有一些好消息。

We've been trying to get him out for 12 years.

在过去的十二年中， 我们一直在尝试着让他能够出狱。

He finally will join us a year from now.

终于，一年后他会回到我们身边。

(Applause)

（掌声）

And I'm very excited to have him join us,

而我非常高兴能让他加入我们，

because I know we've saved him,

因为我知道我们拯救了他，

but he will save tens of thousands of students

但他会拯救成千上万的学生们，

when he shares his testimony

当他在我们经常出席的学校里

in schools that we are present at on a regular basis.

分享他的证词的时候。

When he says to the kids, "When I was 11, I joined a gang.

当他对孩子们说， “在十一岁时，我加入了一个帮派。

When I was 14, I murdered Mr. Khamisa's son.

“在我十四岁时， 我谋杀了卡米萨先生的儿子。

I've spent the last umpteen years in prison.

“过去的无数年里我在监狱中度过。

I'm here to tell you: it's not worth it,"

“我来告诉你：这不值得。”

do you think the kids will listen to that voice?

你觉得孩子们会听进这些话吗？

Yes, because his intonations

会的，因为因为他的语气，

will be of a person that pulled the trigger.

是扣动那扳机的人的语气。

而我知道他想让时光倒流。

And I know that he wants to turn the clock back.

Of course, that's not possible.

当然，那是不可能的。

I wish it was. I would have my son back.

我倒希望能这样。 这样，我的儿子就能回来。

My brother would have his grandson back.

我的兄弟的孙子就能够回来。

So I think that demonstrates the power of forgiveness.

所以我想，那展示了宽恕的力量。

So what's the big takeaway here?

那么，这里最重要的一点是什么呢？

So I want to end our session with this quote,

我想用这句话结束我们的演讲，

which is the basis of my fourth book,

这句话是我第四本书的基石，

which incidentally,

而巧合的是，

the foreword for that book was written by Tony.

那本书的前言是托尼写的。

So it goes like this: sustained goodwill creates friendship.

所以，这句话是这样的： 持续的善意创造友谊。

You don't make friends by bombing them, right?

你并不会通过轰炸他们 来交朋友，对吗？

你通过扩展善意来结交朋友。

You make friends by extending goodwill.

That ought to be obvious.

这应该是显然易见的。

So sustained goodwill creates friendship,

所以持续的善意创造友谊，

sustained friendship creates trust,

持续的友谊创造信任，

sustained trust creates empathy,

持续的信任创造同理心，

sustained empathy creates compassion,

持续的同理心创造怜悯，

and sustained compassion creates peace.

而持续的怜悯创造和平。

I call this my peace formula.

我将其称作我的和平公式。

It starts with goodwill, friendship, trust, empathy, compassion and peace.

它始于善意，友谊，信任， 同理心，怜悯，与和平。

But people ask me, how do you extend goodwill

但人们问我，你如何将善意延伸到

to the person who murdered your child?

谋杀你孩子的那个人身上？

I tell them, you do that through forgiveness.

我告诉他们， 你通过宽恕来做到这点。

As it's evident it worked for me.

而显然，这对我很有效。

It worked for my family.

这对我的家庭很有效。

What's a miracle is it worked for Tony,

而奇迹的是，它对托尼起效了，

it worked for his family,

它对托尼的家庭也起效了。

it can work for you and your family,

它对你和你的家人都有效，

for Israel and Palestine, North and South Korea,

对以色列和巴勒斯坦， 北朝鲜和韩国，

for Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran and Syria.

对伊拉克，阿富汗，伊朗和叙利亚。

It can work for the United States of America.

它能对美利坚合众国有效。

So let me leave you with this, my sisters,

所以，我的姐妹们， 我想把这句话留给你们，

and a couple of brothers --

还有一些兄弟们——

(Laughter)

（笑声）

that peace is possible.

和平是可能的。

How do I know that?

我是何以得知的呢？

Because I am at peace.

因为我的内心平和。

Thank you very much. Namaste.

非常感谢你们。合十礼。

(Applause)

（掌声）