What comes after tragedy? Forgiveness | Azim Khamisa and Ples Felix

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Adrienne Lin

Azim Khamisa: We humans have many defining moments in our lives.

亞辛卡米薩：我們人類在一生中 有許多決定性的關鍵時刻。

Sometimes these moments are joyous,

有時，這些時刻是喜悅的，

and sometimes they are heartbreaking,

有時，它們是讓人心碎的、

tragic.

悲劇性的。

But at these defining moments, if we are able to make the right choice,

但在這些關鍵時刻， 如果我們能做出對的選擇，

we literally manifest a miracle

我們就可說是創造出了一個奇蹟，

in us and others.

在我們心中，也在他人心中的奇蹟。

My only son Tariq, a university student,

我的獨子塔瑞克是個大學生，

kind, generous, a good writer, a good photographer,

是個仁慈、慷慨的 優秀作家及優秀攝影師，

had aspirations to work for National Geographic,

他的志向是要為國家地理雜誌工作，

engaged to a beautiful lady,

他和一位美麗女子訂婚，

worked as a pizza deliveryman on Fridays and Saturdays.

在星期五和星期六兼差做比薩外送。

He was lured to a bogus address

他被一個年輕人幫派 誘騙到一個假地址。

by a youth gang.

And in a gang initiation,

在幫派入會儀式中，

a 14-year-old shot and killed him.

一個 14 歲的孩子射殺了他。

The sudden, senseless death

這突然發生又無意義的死亡，

of an innocent, unarmed human being;

帶走了一個無辜且手無寸鐵的人；

the overwhelming grief of a family;

造成一個家庭無法言喻的悲傷；

the total confusion as you try to absorb a new, hideous reality.

當你試圖理解這個驚駭的新現實時， 感到的是完全的困惑。

Needless to say it brought my life to a crashing halt.

更不用說，我的人生因而崩毀、停止。

One of the hardest things I've ever had to do

我所做過最困難的一件事，

was to call his mother, who lived in a different city.

就是打電話告訴孩子的母親， 她住在另一個城市。

How do you tell a mother she's never going to see her son again,

你要如何告訴一位母親， 她永遠無法再見到她的兒子、

or hear him laugh,

無法再聽到他的笑聲、

or give him a hug?

無法再擁抱他？

I practice as a Sufi Muslim.

我是蘇菲派穆斯林。

I meditate two hours a day.

我一天會做兩小時的冥想。

And sometimes,

有時候，

in deep trauma and deep tragedy,

當創傷很深、悲慟很深時，

there is a spark of clarity.

會有一絲清明出現。

So what I downloaded in my meditation

所以，我在冥想中所下載下來的是

is that there were victims at both ends of the gun.

在那把槍的兩端都有受害者。

It's easy to see that my son was a victim of the 14-year-old,

很容易看出，我兒子是那位 14 歲孩子手下的受害者，

a little bit complicated to see that he was a victim of American society.

比較難看出，那位 14 歲孩子 是美國社會的受害者。

And that begs the question, well, who is American society?

這就帶到了一個問題， 誰是美國社會？

Well, it's you and me,

嗯，就是你和我，

because I don't believe that society is just happenstance.

因為我不相信社會只是偶然。

I think we are all responsible for the society we've created.

我認為，對於我們所創造 出來的社會，我們都有責任。

And children killing children is not a mark of a civil society.

孩子殺害孩子， 這並不是文明社會的常態。

So nine months after Tariq died,

塔瑞克過世後九個月，

I started the Tariq Khamisa Foundation

我成立了塔瑞克卡米薩基金會，

and our mandate at the Tariq Khamisa Foundation

塔瑞克卡米薩基金會的使命，

is to stop kids from killing kids

就是要阻止孩子殺害孩子，

by breaking the cycle of youth violence.

我們要打破年輕人暴力的循環。

And essentially we have three mandates.

基本上，我們有三項使命。

Our first and foremost is to save lives of children.

第一項且最重要的一項， 是要拯救孩子的性命。

It's important to do. We lose so many on a daily basis.

做這件事很重要。 我們每天都失去好多孩子。

Our second mandate

我們的第二項使命，

is to empower the right choices so kids don't fall through the cracks

是要讓孩子們能做出對的選擇， 這麼一來，他們才不會因為被忽略

and choose lives of gangs and crime and drugs and alcohol and weapons.

而去選擇幫派、犯罪、 毒品、酒精，及武器的生活。

And our third mandate is to teach the principles of nonviolence,

我們的第三項使命， 是要教導不使用暴力的原則，

of empathy, of compassion,

要用同理心、同情心，

of forgiveness.

以及寬恕待人。

And I started with a very simple premise

我從非常簡單的前提假設開始：

that violence is a learned behavior.

暴力是一種習得的行為。

No child was born violent.

沒有孩子是生來就暴力的。

If you accept that as a truism,

如果你能接受這是個自明之理，

nonviolence can also be a learned behavior,

那麼不使用暴力也可以 是一種習得的行為，

but you have to teach it,

但這件事得用教導的，

because kids are not going to learn that

因為孩子並不會 透過潛移默化就學會。

through osmosis.

Soon after that, I reached out to my brother here,

沒多久之後，我向我兄弟伸出手，

with the attitude that we had both lost a son.

我的態度是，我們都失去了一個兒子。

My son died.

我的兒子死了。

He lost his grandson to the adult prison system.

他因為成人監獄體系 而失去了他的孫子。

And I asked him to join me.

我邀請他加入我。

As you see, 22 years later, we are still here together,

如你們所見，22 年後， 我們還一起在這裡。

because I can't bring Tariq back from the dead,

因為我無法讓塔瑞克起死回生，

you can't take Tony out of prison,

你無法把東尼帶出監獄，

but the one thing we can do

但我們能做一件事，

is make sure no other young people in our community

就是確保我們的社區中 沒有其他年輕人

end up dead or end up in prison.

最後的下場是死亡或入獄。

With the grace of God,

感謝上帝的慈悲，

the Tariq Khamisa Foundation has been successful.

塔瑞克卡米薩基金會一直很成功。

We have a safe school model

我們有一個安全學校模型，

which has four different programs.

該模型有四個不同的計畫。

The first one is a live assembly with Ples and me.

第一，普雷斯和我去現場參與集會。

We are introduced,

主持人會介紹，

this man's grandson killed this man's son,

這個人的孫子殺了這個人的兒子，

and here they are together.

而他們一起來到這裡。

We have in-classroom curriculum.

我們有在教室內進行的課程。

We have an after school mentoring program, and we create a peace club.

我們有課後的指導計畫， 還創立了一個和平俱樂部。

And I'm happy to share with you

我很高興能和你們分享，

that besides teaching these principles of nonviolence,

除了教導這些不使用暴力的原則，

we are able to cut suspensions and expulsions by 70 percent,

我們還能夠把休學和退學減少 70%，

which is huge.

這數字很大。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Which is huge.

這數字很大。

Five years after Tariq died,

塔瑞克過世後五年，

and for me to complete my journey of forgiveness,

為了完成我的寬恕之旅，

I went to see the young man who killed my son.

我去探望殺害我兒子的年輕人。

He was 19 years old.

他那時 19 歲。

And I remember that meeting because we were --

我記得那次會面，因為我們……

he's 37, still in prison --

他現在 37 歲，仍然在監獄，

but at that first meeting, we locked eyeballs.

但在第一次會面時， 我們四目相對看著彼此。

I'm looking in his eyes, he's looking in my eyes,

我看著他的雙眼，他看著我的雙眼，

and I'm looking in his eyes trying to find a murderer, and I didn't.

我看著他的雙眼，試圖找到 一個殺人兇手，但我沒找到。

I was able to climb through his eyes

我能夠越過他的眼睛，

and touch his humanity that I got

接觸到他的人性，讓我了解到，

that the spark in him was no different than the spark in me

他內在的火花 和我內在的火花並沒有不同，

和在座各位也沒有不同。

or anybody else here.

So I wasn't expecting that. He was remorseful.

這是我沒有預料到的。他感到後悔。

He was articulate. He was well-mannered.

他表達能力很好。他很有禮貌。

And I could tell that my hand of forgiveness had changed him.

我能看得出來，我的寬恕改變了他。

So with that, please welcome my brother, Ples.

所以，說到此，讓我們 歡迎我的兄弟，普雷斯。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Ples Felix: Tony is my one and only daughter's one and only child.

普雷斯菲利克斯： 東尼是我的獨女的獨子。

Tony was born to my daughter,

東尼是我的女兒所生的。

who was 15 when she gave birth to Tony.

她生東尼的時候才 15 歲。

Mothering is the toughest job on the planet.

當母親，是地球上最困難的工作。

There is no tougher job on the planet than raising another human being

在地球上，最困難的工作 莫過於養育另一個人，

and making sure they're safe, secure

並確保他的安全、安穩，

and well-positioned to be successful in life.

並做好準備能在人生當中成功。

Tony experienced a lot of violence in his life as a young kid.

東尼小時候就經歷過許多暴力場面。

He saw one of his favorite cousins

他看著他最喜歡的一位表親

be murdered in a hail of automatic weapon fire

在自動武器槍擊事件中被謀殺，

那個事件有幫派涉入， 地點是在洛杉磯。

and gang involvement in Los Angeles.

He was very traumatized in so many different ways.

他在許多方面都受到嚴重創傷。

Tony came to live with me.

東尼之後來跟我住，

I wanted to make sure he had everything a kid needed

我想要確保他能得到 邁向成功所需要的一切。

to be successful.

But on this particular evening,

但就在這個夜晚，

after years of being with me

當時他已跟我同住數年

and struggling mightily to try to be successful

並非常努力試著要成功，

and to live up to my expectations of being a successful person,

想達到他母親的期許， 成為成功的人，

on this one particular day, Tony ran away from home that evening,

就在這一天，東尼在晚上離家，

he went to be with people he thought were his friends,

他去找他認為是朋友的那些人，

he was given drugs and alcohol

他們給他毒品和酒精，

and he took them

他接受了，

because he thought they would make him feel carefree.

因為他認為這些東西 能讓他感到無拘無束。

But all it did was to make his anxiety go higher

但結果這些東西只讓他更加焦慮，

and to create a more ...

創造出了他更……

more deadly thinking on his part.

更致命的想法。

He was invited to a robbery,

他們邀他加入搶劫計畫，

he was given a 9mm handgun.

他們給他一把九釐米手槍。

And at the presence of an 18-year-old who commanded him

在場有位 18 歲的孩子發號施令，

and two 14-year-old boys he thought were his friends,

另外兩位 14 歲男孩是他認定的朋友，

he shot and killed Tariq Khamisa,

他在他們面前射殺了塔瑞克卡米薩，

this man's son.

這個人的兒子。

There are no words, there are no words

沒有任何言語，沒有任何言語

that can express the loss of a child.

能夠表達喪子之痛。

At my understanding that my grandson was responsible

就我了解，我的孫子 要為這件謀殺負責。

for the murder of this human being,

I went to the prayer closet, like I was taught by my old folks,

照我父母親教我的，我進入禱告室，

and began to pray and meditate.

開始禱告和冥想。

The one thing that Mr. Khamisa and I have in common,

卡米薩先生和我有一個共通點，

and we didn't know this, besides being wonderful human beings,

除了我們人都很好以外， 我們當時並不知道

is that we both meditate.

我們兩人都會冥想。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It was very helpful for me

那對我很有幫助，

because it offered me an opportunity to seek guidance and clarity

因為那讓我有機會尋求引導和清明，

about how I wanted to be of support of this man and his family in this loss.

讓我知道我該如何在這場損失當中 支持這個人和他的家人。

And sure enough, my prayers were answered,

很顯然，我的禱告得到了回應，

because I was invited to a meeting at this man's house,

因為我接到邀請，到這個人的家中，

met his mother, his father,

去會見他的母親、他的父親、

his wife, his brother, met their family

他的妻子、他的兄弟， 會見他們的家人，

and had a chance to be in the presence of God-spirited people led by this man,

讓我有機會面對這些具有神性的人， 由這個人所帶領的人們，

who in the spirit of forgiveness,

他們帶著寬恕的精神，

made way, made an opportunity for me

為我開路，給我機會，

to be of value and to share with him and to share with children

讓我能有價值， 並和他以及孩子們分享

the importance of understanding the need to be with a responsible adult,

成為負責任的大人非常重要，

focus on your anger in a way that's healthy,

用健康的方式來處理憤怒情緒，

learn to meditate.

學習冥想。

The programs that we have in the Tariq Khamisa Foundation

塔瑞克卡米薩基金會的計畫

provide so many tools for the kids to put in their toolkit

提供許多工具給孩子們， 讓他們能收入自己的工具包中，

so they could carry them throughout their lives.

讓他們一生中都能帶在身邊。

It's important that our children understand that loving, caring adults

很重要的是讓孩子了解有慈愛的成人

care for them and support them,

會照顧、支持他們，

but it's also important that our children learn to meditate,

但還有一點很重要的， 就是我們的孩子要學會冥想，

learn to be peaceful,

學會找到平靜，

learn to be centered

學會自信穩重，

and learn to interact with the other children

學會和其他孩子互動，

in a kind, empathetic

用仁慈、有同情心，

and wonderfully loving way.

且很慈愛的方式互動。

We need more love in our society

我們的社會需要更多愛，

and that's why we are here to share the love with children,

那就是為什麼我們在這裡， 和孩子們分享愛，

because our children will lead the way for us,

因為我們的孩子，會為我們領路，

because all of us will depend on our children.

因為我們所有人都會仰賴下一代。

As we grow older and retire, they will take over this world for us,

當我們年老、退休， 他們會接手這個世界，

so as much love as we teach them, they will give it back to us.

所以，我們教導他們多少愛， 他們就會給予我們同等的愛。

Blessings. Thank you.

祝福大家。謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

AK: So I was born in Kenya, I was educated in England,

亞辛：我在肯亞出生， 在英國受教育，

and my brother here is a Baptist.

我的這位兄弟是浸禮會教友。

I practice as a Sufi Muslim.

我是蘇菲派穆斯林。

He's African American,

他是非裔美國人，

but I always tell him, I'm the African American in the group.

但我總是告訴他， 我才是非裔美國人吧，

I was born in Africa. You were not.

我是在非洲出生的，你不是。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I naturalized as a citizen.

我入籍成為公民。

I'm a first-generation citizen.

我是第一代的公民。

And I felt that, as an American citizen,

我覺得，身為美國公民，

I must take my share of the responsibility

對於我兒子被謀殺一事，

for the murder of my son.

我必須要負我的那一份責任。

Why? Because it was fired by an American child.

為什麼？因為開槍的是一位美國小孩。

You could take the position, he killed my one and only son,

你可以持不同立場， 認為他殺了我的獨子，

he should be hung from the highest pole.

他應該被送上最高的柱子吊死。

How does that improve society?

但那又怎麼能改善社會？

And I know you are probably wondering what happened to that young man.

你們可能很納悶， 那位年輕人後來如何。

He's still in prison. He just turned 37 on September 22,

他還在監獄中。 9 月 22 日時他剛滿 37 歲，

but I have some good news.

但我有好消息。

We've been trying to get him out for 12 years.

我們花了 12 年試著讓他出獄。

He finally will join us a year from now.

終於，一年之後，他將能夠加入我們。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

And I'm very excited to have him join us,

對於他的加入，我非常興奮，

because I know we've saved him,

因為我知道我們拯救了他，

but he will save tens of thousands of students

但他將會拯救數以萬計的學生，

when he shares his testimony

方法就是分享他的證詞，

in schools that we are present at on a regular basis.

在我們經常出席的學校中分享。

When he says to the kids, "When I was 11, I joined a gang.

當他對孩子們說： 「我 11 歲時，加入了幫派。

When I was 14, I murdered Mr. Khamisa's son.

我 14 歲時，我殺害了 卡米薩先生的兒子。

I've spent the last umpteen years in prison.

我過去無數年都在坐牢。

I'm here to tell you: it's not worth it,"

我在這裡告訴你們：這並不值得。」

do you think the kids will listen to that voice?

你們認為孩子們會聽那個聲音嗎？

Yes, because his intonations

是的，因為他的語調，

will be of a person that pulled the trigger.

會是一個扣下扳機的人的語調。

And I know that he wants to turn the clock back.

我知道，他希望時光能夠倒轉。

Of course, that's not possible.

當然，那不可能。

I wish it was. I would have my son back.

我希望可以，我也想要我的兒子回來，

My brother would have his grandson back.

我兄弟的好孫子也能回來。

So I think that demonstrates the power of forgiveness.

我想，那展示出了寬恕的力量。

So what's the big takeaway here?

所以，這裡要傳遞的 重要訊息是什麼？

So I want to end our session with this quote,

我想用一句引言來結束這場演說，

which is the basis of my fourth book,

它是我第四本書的根基，

which incidentally,

順便一提，

the foreword for that book was written by Tony.

那本書的序言是由東尼寫的。

So it goes like this: sustained goodwill creates friendship.

這句話是：持續的善意能創造友誼。

You don't make friends by bombing them, right?

我們交朋友的方式 並不是去炸他們，對吧？

You make friends by extending goodwill.

你要交朋友，就要把善意延伸出去。

That ought to be obvious.

這點應該很明顯。

So sustained goodwill creates friendship,

所以，持續的善意能創造友誼，

sustained friendship creates trust,

持續的友誼能創造信任，

sustained trust creates empathy,

持續的信任能創造同理，

sustained empathy creates compassion,

持續的同理能創造憐憫，

and sustained compassion creates peace.

持續的憐憫能創造和平。

I call this my peace formula.

我把它稱為我的和平方程式。

It starts with goodwill, friendship, trust, empathy, compassion and peace.

從善意開始，接著是友誼、 信任、同理、憐憫，最後是和平。

But people ask me, how do you extend goodwill

但人們問我，要如何把善意

to the person who murdered your child?

延伸到殺害你孩子的人？

I tell them, you do that through forgiveness.

我告訴他們，透過寬恕就可以做到。

As it's evident it worked for me.

很顯然這方式對我是有用的，

It worked for my family.

對我的家人也有用。

What's a miracle is it worked for Tony,

奇蹟是，它對東尼也有用，

it worked for his family,

對他的家人也有用，

it can work for you and your family,

所以對你和你的家人也會有用，

for Israel and Palestine, North and South Korea,

對以色列和巴勒斯坦、南北韓、

for Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran and Syria.

伊拉克、阿富汗、 伊朗和敘利亞，都會有用。

It can work for the United States of America.

對美國，寬恕也會有用。

So let me leave you with this, my sisters,

我最後總結，我的姐妹們，

and a couple of brothers --

以及少數幾個兄弟們……

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

that peace is possible.

和平是有可能的。

How do I know that?

我怎麼知道？

Because I am at peace.

因為我就處在和平當中。

Thank you very much. Namaste.

非常謝謝你們。謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）