Your 3-Step Guide to Setting Better Boundaries at Work | The Way We Work, a TED series

I'm a therapist whose job it is to help people create healthier relationships.

翻译人员: Jia Z 校对人员: Yanyan Hong

我是一名心理治疗师，我的工作 是帮助人们建立更良好的人际关系。

And let me tell you,

我告诉你，

it can be really hard to tell someone what you need.

向别人说出你的需求可能非常困难，

It takes a lot of courage to stand up and say,

需要很多勇气才能站出来说：

"This is the way I want to be treated."

“这就是我想要被对待的方式。”

Most of us aren't so great at vocalizing to the people in our lives

生活中，我们大多数人都不擅长表达

what makes us feel respected and valued.

是什么使我们感受到被尊重和重视。

It's true with friends, family, partners, and it's also true at work.

对朋友、家人、伴侣如此， 在职场也是如此。

You've got to set healthy boundaries.

你需要设定健康的边界。

[The Way We Work]

【我们的工作方式】

Boundaries can be an intimidating term,

边界一词可能会令人生畏，

but they're very simply the expectations and needs that help us feel safe

但边界指的只是我们的期望和需求，

and comfortable in relationships.

帮助我们在人际关系中 感受到安心和自在。

Work is the relationship we spend the most time in,

职场是我们投入最多时间的的人际关系，

and yet it's also the place where we have the hardest time setting limits.

但也是我们最难设定界限的地方。

We're scared that people won't see us as a team player.

我们担心别人会觉得 我们没有团队合作精神。

Our employers have boundaries built in,

我们的雇主提前设定了边界，

like the time your workday begins

例如你每天开始工作的的时间

and how many vacation days you can have.

以及你可以有多少天假期。

But work boundaries need to be a two-way street:

但是工作边界的设定需要是双向的：

boundaries for your employer and boundaries for you.

雇主的边界和你自己的边界。

Setting them can help you feel happier

设定边界可以使你更快乐

and more fulfilled in your roles,

并使你在工作中获得更多满足感，

not to mention less exhausted and overwhelmed at work.

更别提会减轻工作中的疲惫和压力了。

We often assume that other people have the same rules for life as we do.

我们经常假设 别人有同我们一样的生活法则。

We think they can tell our preferences

我们认为他们可以发现我们的喜好

and know our feelings from our body language.

同时通过我们的肢体语言 了解我们的感受。

But no one, not the people you've known for years

但是没人， 哪怕是你认识多年的人

and certainly not your coworkers, can read your mind.

更别说你的同事，可以读懂你的想法。

You have to explicitly state what you need.

你需要明确地阐述你的需求。

Communicating what works for us is one of the kindest things we can do.

沟通适合彼此的方式 是我们能做的最体贴的事情之一。

The short-term discomfort is so worth it

短暂的不适感是值得的，

for the long-term ease of having healthier boundaries in the workplace.

因为我们就能轻松地拥有 长期的职场边界感。

Here are three steps to help you get started.

用这三步帮你建立边界。

Step one: identify the boundaries you need to set.

第一步：确定你需要设定的边界。

There are so many different kinds.

有很多不同的边界。

For example,

例如：

you can tell a colleague what hours you are and aren't available to work.

你可以告诉同事 什么时间你能和不能工作。

You can share that you need to leave the office promptly at five

你可以告诉他们 你需要在五点准时离开办公室

to pick up your children

去接你的孩子，

or that you log off fully on the weekends to really recharge.

或者你在周末不工作以给自己充电。

You can tell them how you prefer to communicate,

你可以告诉他们你更倾向的沟通方式，

that you enjoy talking by phone rather than instant messaging or texting.

比如你喜欢打电话， 而不是发信息或者短信。

Especially with your bosses,

尤其面对老板，

you can set boundaries around how you like feedback.

你可以根据自己喜欢的 反馈方式设定边界。

You can say, "I work best with clear deadlines.

你可以说： “我在明确的期限内工作得最好。

Can you please set one?"

您可以设定一个期限吗？”

Or you can tell them you like written notes on your work

或者你可以告诉老板， 你喜欢将交代的事情记成文字，

so you have time to digest the feedback.

这样你就有时间去消化他的反馈。

You can set boundaries on how you interact with people socially.

你可以设定与他人的社交边界。

For example,

例如，

“It makes me feel uncomfortable when you share gossip at my desk.”

“你在我办公桌旁分享八卦的行为 让我很不舒服。”

Or “No, I’m not interested in drinks after work,

或者“我对下班后喝一杯不感兴趣，

but I'd love to go to a yoga class with you."

但是我愿意和你一起上瑜伽课。”

You can even set boundaries around your calendar

你甚至可以在日程安排上建立边界，

and ask that people ask you before throwing a meeting on it

并且要求同事 在向你发起会邀请之前询问你

as you prefer to be aware of what your day looks like.

因为你希望清楚自己全天的行程安排。

Step two: think about how and when to make the statement.

第二步：思考如何及何时提出你的边界。

Boundaries are like classroom rules.

边界就像课堂规则，

You want to set them as early as possible.

你想尽早地制定边界。

People do it all the time in the job seeking process.

人们在求职过程中一直如此。

They may say something like, “I have vacation planned for these dates.

他们可能会说： “这段时间我有一个假期计划。

Will I be able to take my vacation?"

我可以休假吗？”

If we can go into a new work environment

如果我们能加入一个新的工作环境

and with people already knowing what we can and can't do,

和一些已经知道我们什么能做、 什么不能做的同事工作，

that's a beautiful way to show up.

这是一个很美好的开端。

If that feels like too much,

如果你感觉上面说的太难了，

orientation can be a great time to set boundaries.

那入职培训是设定边界的好时机。

When your supervisor tells you the workday ends at six, just flow it in.

当你的上级告诉你工作日六点下班， 那么照做就行了。

"That's perfect. I need to leave work at six."

“太好了，我需要六点下班。”

One boundary I want you to set right away

我希望你立刻设定的一个边界是

is to take every single day of paid vacation.

把每个带薪休假都用掉。

You’ve earned it, you need the rest,

你应得的，你需要休息，

and recharging is good for work-life balance.

并且充电有利于工作与生活的平衡。

And by the way, it's perfectly acceptable to set boundaries for yourself

顺便提一下， 为自己设定边界是完全可以接受的，

when you notice something in the workday isn't making you feel good.

尤其是当你注意到 工作日有些事情让你感到不舒服。

So if you get a headache when you have five meetings in a day,

所以，如果一天参加五个会议 让你感到头痛，

tell yourself that four will be your maximum.

告诉自己你最多能参加四个会议。

If you get anxious

如果你因为

trying to respond to 200 emails on Monday morning,

要在周一早上回复 200 封邮件而焦虑，

don't do that first thing.

那不要先做这件事。

Break it up in half-hour increments throughout the day.

把它分解成每半小时 一个区间的全天任务，

I have a set of boundaries around my work.

我给自己的工作设定了一些边界。

For me, I like working in 30-minute chunks.

对我来说， 我喜欢以 30 分钟为单位工作。

I don't like answering every email as soon as I get it.

我不喜欢一收到邮件就回复，

I like sitting with the information before I respond.

我喜欢在回复之前先消化这些信息。

You have to set in motion those new habits

你必须养成那些新的习惯和做法，

and practices that will make you feel at ease.

这将会让你感到轻松。

And now comes the most important part of the process.

现在进入到这个过程最重要的部分。

Step three: you have to stick to the boundaries you set.

第三步：你必须坚守你设定的边界。

If you say you're not available after six,

如果你说 6 点之后没空，

don't respond to the group chat.

那么不要回复群聊。

If you say you're not available on weekends,

如果你说周末没空，

don't be available on weekends.

那么不要周末加班。

When you respond to emails

当你在回复邮件

or agree to look at that proposal out of those bounds,

或者同意在边界外的时间去看一份提案，

you're teaching people that the boundary isn't real,

那么你就是在告诉他人 你的边界不是真的，

that it’s OK to violate it.

违背边界是可以的。

Consistency is really key here.

一致性才是核心。

That might mean restating the boundary more than once.

那可能意味着你需要 不止一次的重申你的边界。

That might mean reminding yourself

也可能意味着提醒自己

why you set the boundary in the first place.

为什么你一开始要设定边界。

Setting boundaries is hard at first, but the more you do it,

设定边界开始很难，但是当你做得越多，

the easier it gets.

就会变得越容易。

Boundaries are contagious.

边界是有传染性的。

Once you start to consistently implement them, others will, too.

一旦你开始持续地实施你的边界， 其他人也会这样做。

You might be the inspiration that helps them set better boundaries.

你可能会启发他人去设立更好的边界。

Even if they don't have the courage right now,

即使他们现在没有勇气， 但这已在他们脑海中了。

it's now in the back of their mind.