Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not. | Hannah Gadsby

Prevodilac: Kristina Radosavljević Lektor: Ivana Krivokuća

My name is Hannah.

Moje ime je Hana (Hannah)

And that is a palindrome.

i ono je palindrom.

That is a word you can spell the same forwards and backwards,

To je reč koja se jednako čita i piše unapred i unazad,

if you can spell.

ako umete da čitate.

But the thing is --

Ali stvar je u tome -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

my entire family have palindromic names.

što moja cela porodica ima palidromična imena.

It's a bit of a tradition.

To je nekako tradicija.

We've got Mum, Dad --

Imamo mamu (Mum), tatu (Dad) -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Nan, Pop.

baku (Nan), deku (Pop).

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And my brother, Kayak.

I mog brata Kajaka (Kayak).

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

There you go.

Eto.

That's just a bit a joke, there.

To je bila samo šala.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I like to kick things off with a joke because I'm a comedian.

Volim da započnem sa šalom zato što sam komičarka.

Now there's two things you know about me already:

Postoje dve stvari koje već znate o meni.

my name's Hannah and I'm a comedian.

Moje ime je Hana i ja sam komičarka.

I'm wasting no time.

Ne trošim vreme.

Here's a third thing you can know about me:

Evo i treće stvari koju možete saznati o meni.

I don't think I'm qualified to speak my own mind.

Ne mislim da sam kvalifikovana da izgovaram svoje mišljenje.

Bold way to begin a talk, yes,

Da, hrabar način da se započne govor,

but it's true.

ali to je istina.

I've always had a great deal of difficulty

Uvek mi je bilo teško

turning my thinking into the talking.

da svoje misli pretočim u govor.

So it seems a bit of a contradiction, then,

Deluje pomalo kontradiktorno

that someone like me, who is so bad at the chat,

da neko poput mene, ko je tako loš u razgovoru,

could be something like a stand-up comedian.

može biti nešto kao, na primer, stendap komičar.

But there you go. There you go.

Ali eto, vidite. Dešava se.

It's what it is.

Tako je kako je.

I first tried my hand at stand-up comedi -- comedie ... See?

Prvi put sam se okušala u stendap kome- komediji... Vidite?

See? See?

Vidite? Vidite?

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I first tried my hand at stand-up comedy

Prvi put sam se okušala u stendap komediji

in my late 20s,

u svojim kasnim 20-im.

and despite being a pathologically shy virtual mute with low self-esteem

Uprkos tome što sam bila patološki stidljiva i prava mula

sa niskim samopouzdanjem,

who'd never held a microphone before,

koja nikada pre nije držala mikrofon,

I knew as soon as I walked and stood in front of the audience,

znala sam čim sam izašla i stala pred publiku,

I knew, before I'd even landed my first joke,

znala sam, pre nego što sam izvela svoj prvi štos,

I knew that I really liked stand-up,

znala sam da zaista volim stendap

and stand-up really liked me.

i da stendap voli mene.

Ali života mi, nisam shvatila kako je to moguće.

But for the life of me, I couldn't work out why.

Why is it I could be so good at doing something I was so bad at?

Kako to da mi je tako dobro išlo nešto u čemu sam tako loša?

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I just couldn't work it out, I could not understand it.

Jednostavno nisam to mogla da shvatim, nisam mogla da razumem.

That is, until I could.

Do momenta dok nisam shvatila.

Now, before I explain to you why it is

Pre nego što vam objasnim

that I can be good at something I'm so bad at,

zašto mogu biti tako dobra u nečemu u čemu sam jako loša,

let me throw another spanner of contradiction into the work

dozvolite mi da ubacim još jednu ključnu protivrečnost

by telling you that not long after I worked out why that was,

time što ću vam reći da sam, nedugo nakon što sam shvatila kako je to moguće,

I decided to quit comedy.

odlučila da napustim komediju.

And before I explain that little oppositional cat

Pre nego što objasnim tog malog kontradiktornog slona

I just threw amongst the thinking pigeons,

koga sam upravo pustila u staklarsku radnju,

let me also tell you this:

reći ću vam i ovo:

quitting launched my comedy career.

odustajanje je lansiralo moju komedijašku karijeru.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Like, really launched it, to the point where after quitting comedy,

Bukvalno lansiralo, do te mere da sam nakon odustajanja od komedije

I became the most talked-about comedian on the planet,

postala komičar o kome se najviše pričalo na celoj planeti,

because apparently, I'm even worse at making retirement plans

jer sam očigledno još gora u pravljenju planova za penziju

than I am at speaking my own mind.

nego što sam u iskazivanju svojih misli.

Now, all I've done up until this point

Sad, sve što sam uradila do ovog momenta,

apart from giving over a spattering of biographical detail

osim davanja nekoliko detalja iz moje biografije,

is to tell you indirectly that I have three ideas

jeste da sam vam posredno rekla da imam tri ideje

that I want to share with you today.

koje želim danas da podelim sa vama.

And I've done that by way of sharing three contradictions:

To sam učinila tako što sam podelila tri protivrečnosti.

one, I am bad at talking, I am good at talking;

Prvo, loša sam u govoru, dobra sam u govoru.

I quit, I did not quit.

Odustajem, nisam odustala.

Three ideas, three contradictions.

Tri ideje, tri suprotnosti.

Now, if you're wondering why there's only two things

Ako se pitate zašto su samo dve stvari

na mojoj takozvanoj listi trojstva -

on my so-called list of three --

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I remind you it is literally a list of contradictions.

podsetiću vas da je bukvalno reč o listi protivrečnosti.

Keep up.

Pratite me.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Now, the folks at TED advised me that with a talk of this length,

Ljudi iz TED-a su me savetovali da je za govore ove dužine

it's best to stick with just sharing one idea.

najbolje podeliti samo jednu ideju.

I said no.

Ja sam odbila.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

What would they know?

Šta oni pa znaju?

To explain why I have chosen to ignore what is clearly very good advice,

Da bih objasnila zašto sam izabrala da ignorišem

ono što je očigledno dobar savet,

I want to take you back to the beginning of this talk,

povešću vas na početak ovog govora,

konkretno, na moju šalu o palindromima.

specifically, my palindrome joke.

Ta šala koristi moje omiljene trikove komedijaškog zanata,

Now that joke uses my favorite trick of the comedian trade,

the rule of three,

pravilo trojstva,

whereby you make a statement

pri čemu dajete izjavu,

and then back that statement up

a potom je poduprete

with a list.

sa listom.

My entire family have palindromic names:

Moja cela porodica ima palindromična imena:

Mum, Dad, Nan, Pop.

mama (Mum), tata (Dad) baka (Nan), deka (Pop).

The first two ideas on that list create a pattern,

Prve dve ideje sa liste su napravile šablon,

and that pattern creates expectation.

i taj šablon stvara očekivanje.

And then the third thing -- bam! -- Kayak. What?

A onda treća stvar - bum! - Kajak (Kayak). Šta?

That's the rule of three.

To je pravilo trojstva.

One, two, surprise! Ha ha.

Jedan, dva, iznenađenje! Ha ha.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Now, the rule of three is not only fundamental to the way I do my craft,

Pravilo trojstva ne samo da je jedna od suštinskih stvari za moj zanat,

it is also fundamental to the way I communicate.

nego je suštinsko i za način na koji komuniciram.

So I won't be changing anything for nobody,

Tako da neću menjati ništa, ni zbog koga.

not even TED,

Čak ni zbog TED-a,

which, I will point out, stands for three ideas:

koji se, samo da istaknem, zalaže za tri ideje:

technology, entertainment

tehnologiju, zabavu

and dickheads.

i glupake.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Works every time, doesn't it?

Svaki put upali, zar ne?

But you need more than just jokes

Ali potrebno vam je nešto više od same šale

to be able to cut it as a professional comedian.

da biste to izneli kao profesionalni komičar.

You need to be able to walk that fine line between being charming

Morate biti sposobni da hodate po tankoj liniji između šarmantnog

and disarming.

i razoružavajućeg.

And I discovered the most effective way to generate the amount of charm I needed

Otkrila sam da najefektniji način za uključivanje onoliko šarma

koliko mi je potrebno da neutrališem svoj razoružavajući karakter

to offset my disarming personality

was through not jokes but stories.

nije pričanje viceva, nego priča.

So my stand-up routines are filled with stories:

Tako su moji stendap nastupi puni priča:

priča o odrastanju, moje priče o autovanju,

stories about growing up, my coming out story,

stories about the abuse I've copped for being not only a woman

priče o maltretiranju koje sam proživela zbog toga što sam ne samo žena,

but a big woman and a masculine-of-center woman.

nego i velika i muškobanjasta žena.

If you watch my work online, check the comments out below

Ako nađete moje nastupe na internetu, pogledajte komentare

for examples of abuse.

i naći ćete primere maltretiranja.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

It's that time in the talk where I shift into second gear,

Sada nastupa onaj trenutak u govoru kada treba da promenim tempo

and I'm going to tell you a story about everything I've just said.

i da vam ispričam priču o svemu ovome o čemu sam govorila.

In the last few days of her life,

U poslednjih nekoliko dana svog života,

my grandma was surrounded by people,

moja baka je bila okružena ljudima,

a lot of people,

velikim brojem ljudi,

because my grandma was the loving matriarch

zato što je je moja baka bila omiljeni ženski lik

of a large and loving family.

velike i brižne porodice.

Now, if you haven't made the connection already,

Ako do sada niste povezali stvari,

ja sam deo te porodice.

I am a member of that family.

I was lucky enough to be able to say goodbye to my grandma

Imala sam sreću da budem u mogućnosti da se oprostim sa svojom bakom

on the day she died.

na dan kada je umrla.

But as she was already cocooned within herself by then,

Ali kako je tada ona već bila praktično bez svesti,

it was something of a one-sided goodbye.

to je izgledalo više kao jednosmerni oproštaj.

So I thought about a lot of things,

Razmišljala sam o mnogo stvari,

things I hadn't thought about in a long time,

o stvarima o kojima nisam dugo razmišljala,

like the letters I used to write to my grandma

kao, na primer, o pismima koje sam pisala baki

when I first started university,

kada sam upisala fakultet,

letters I filled with funny stories and anecdotes

pismima koja su bila puna duhovitih priča i anegdota

that I embellished for her amusement.

koje sam ulepšavala da bih je zabavila.

And I remembered how I couldn't articulate

Sećam se kako nisam uspevala da opišem

the anxiety and fear that filled me as I tried to carve my tiny little life

nervozu i strah koji me je ispunjavao dok sam pokušavala

da urežem svoj mali život

into a world that felt far too big for me.

u svet koji mi se činio tako velik.

But I remembered finding comfort in those letters,

Dosetila sam se da nađem utehu u tim pismima,

because I wrote them with my grandma in mind.

zato što sam ih pisala misleći na svoju baku.

But as the world got more and more overwhelming

Kako je svet postajao sve veći,

and my ability to negotiate it got worse, not better,

a moja sposobnost da ga prihvatim sve manja,

I stopped writing those letters.

prestala sam da pišem pisma.

I just didn't think I had the life that Grandma would want to read about.

Jednostavno nisam mislila da vodim život o kome bi baka želela da čita.

Grandma did not know I was gay,

Baka nije znala da sam gej,

and about six months before she died,

i nekih šest meseci pre nego što je umrla,

out of nowhere, she asked me if I had a boyfriend.

iznenada me je pitala da li imam momka.

Now, I remember making a conscious decision in that moment

Sećam se da sam u tom momentu svesno odlučila

not to come out to my grandmother.

da ne kažem istinu svojoj baki.

And I did that because I knew her life was drawing to an end,

To sam učinila znajući da se njen život bliži kraju,

and my time with her was finite,

da su moji dani sa njom odbrojani,

and I did not want to talk about the ways we were different.

i nisam želela da pričamo o tome koliko smo različite.

I wanted to talk about the ways were we connected.

Želela sam da pričamo o tome koliko smo povezane.

So I changed the subject.

Tako da sam promenila temu,

And at the time, it felt like the right decision.

što mi se tada činilo kao ispravna odluka.

But as I sat witness to my grandmother's life

Ali kako sam posmatrala

as it tapered to its inevitable end,

kako se njen život bliži kraju,

I couldn't help but feel I'd made a mistake

nisam mogla da se otrgnem osećanju da sam pogrešila

not to share such a significant part of my life.

što nisam podelila sa njom tako važan deo mog života.

But I also knew that I'd missed my opportunity,

Isto tako sam znala da sam propustila šansu,

and as Grandma always used to say,

i kao što je moja baka imala običaj da kaže:

"Ah, well, it's all part of the soup.

„Ah, sve je to jedna čorba.

Too late to take the onions out now."

Suviše je kasno da se sad izvadi luk.”

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And I thought about that,

Razmišljala sam o tome,

and I thought about how I had to deal with too many onions

i o tome sa koliko sam puno luka

as a kid,

morala da se nosim kao dete,

growing up gay in a state where homosexuality was illegal.

odrastajući kao gej u državi gde je homoseksualnost bila nezakonita.

And with that thought, I could see how tightly wrapped

I sa tom mišlju mogla sam shvatiti koliko sam čvrsto zarobljena

in the tendrils of my own internalized shame I was.

u mreži sopstvenog naučenog srama.

And with that, I thought about all my traumas:

Zajedno sa tim, razmišljala sam i o svojim traumama:

the violence, the abuse, my rape.

nasilju, zlostavljanju, mom silovanju.

And with all that cluster of thinking,

Sa svim tim narojenim mislima,

a thought, a question, kept popping into my mind

jedno pitanje mi se stalno nametalo,

to which I had no answer:

a na njega nisam imala odgovor.

What is the purpose of my human?

Koja je svrha mog postojanja kao čoveka?

Out of anyone in my family, I felt the most akin to my grandmother.

Od svih članova moje porodice, osećala sam najveću sličnost sa bakom.

I mean, we share the most traits in common.

Mislim, imale smo najviše zajedničkih osobina.

Not so much these days.

Ovih dana ne toliko.

Death really changes people.

Smrt stvarno promeni ljude.

But that --

Ali to -

(Laughter)

(smeh)

is my grandmother's sense of humor.

to je smisao za humor moje bake.

But the person I felt most akin to in the world

Žena sa kojom sam osećala najveću bliskost na svetu

was a mother, a grandmother, a great-grandmother,

bila je majka, baka, prabaka,

a great-great-grandmother.

čukunbaka.

Me? I represented the very end of my branch of the family tree.

A ja? Ja predstavljam sam kraj grane porodičnog stabla.

And I wasn't entirely sure I was still connected to the trunk.

Nisam čak posve bila sigurna da sam još uvek povezana sa stablom.

What was the purpose of my human?

Koja je svrha mog postojanja?

The year after my grandmother's death was the most intensely creative

Godina nakon smrti moje bake bila je najkreativnija

of my life.

godina mog života.

And I suppose that's because, at an end, my thoughts gather

Pretpostavljam zato što su, na kraju, moje misli bile više sabrane

more than they scatter.

nego raštrkane.

My thought process is not linear.

Moj proces razmišljanja nije linearan.

I'm a visual thinker. I see my thoughts.

Ja sam vizualni mislilac. Ja vidim svoje misli.

I don't have a photographic memory,

Nemam fotografsko pamćenje,

and nor is my head a static gallery of sensibly collected think pieces.

niti je moj mozak statična galerija brižljivo prikupljenih delova misli.

It's more that I've got this ever-evolving language of hieroglyphics

To više izgleda kao jezik hijeroglifa koji stalno evoluira,

that I've developed

koji sam razvila,

and can understand fluently and think deeply with.

koji mogu tečno da razumem i sa kojim mogu dublje da razmišljam,

but I struggle to translate.

ali se mučim sa prevodom.

I can't paint, draw, sculpt, or even haberdash,

Ne umem da slikam, crtam, vajam, čak ni da zašijem dugme.

and as for the written word,

A što se tiče pisane reči,

I'm OK at it but it's a tortuous process of translation,

dobro mi ide, ali to je mučan prevodilački proces

and I don't feel it does the job.

i nisam sigurna da baš funkcioniše.

And as far as speaking my own mind, like I said, I'm not great at it.

A što se tiče izražavanja mog mišljenja, kao što sam rekla, nisam baš dobra u tome.

Speech has always felt like an inadequate freeze-frame

Govor mi se uvek činio kao neprimerena smrznuta slika

for the life inside of me.

za moj unutrašnji život.

All this to say,

Da kažemo,

I've always understood far more than I've ever been able to communicate.

oduvek sam bolje razumevala nego što sam bila u stanju da razgovaram.

Now, about a year before Grandma died,

Oko godinu dana pre bakine smrti,

I was formally diagnosed with autism.

zvanično mi je dijagnostikovan autizam.

Now for me, that was mostly good news.

Za mene su to uglavnom bile dobre vesti.

I always thought that I couldn't sort my life out like a normal person

Oduvek sam mislila da ne mogu srediti svoj život kao svi normalni ljudi

because I was depressed and anxious.

zato što sam depresivna i anksiozna.

But it turns out

Ali ispostavilo se

I was depressed and anxious

da sam bila depresivna i anksiozna

because I couldn't sort my life out like a normal person,

zato što nisam mogla da sredim život kao normalni ljudi,

because I was not a normal person,

zato što ja nisam normalna osoba,

and I didn't know it.

a to nisam znala.

Now, this is not to say I still don't struggle.

Ovo ne znači da se i dalje ne mučim.

Every day is a bit of a struggle,

Svaki dan je pomalo borba, da budem iskrena.

to be honest.

Ali sada bar znam šta je moja borba,

But at least now I know what my struggle is,

and getting to the starting line of normal is not it.

a težnja ka normalnom početku to nije.

My struggle is not to escape the storm.

Moja borba nije da se izbegne oluja.

My struggle is to find the eye of the storm as best I can.

Moja borba je da pronađem zatišja u oluji, koliko god mogu.

Now, apart from the usual way us spectrum types find our calm --

Pored uobičajenih načina na koje mi ljudi sa autističnog spektra pronalazimo mir -

repetitive behaviors, routine and obsessive thinking --

ponavljanja aktivnosti, rutina i opsesivnog razmišljanja -

I have another surprising doorway into the eye of the storm:

ja imam još jedan iznenađujući prilaz zatišjima u oluji -

stand-up comedy.

stendap komediju.

And if you need any more proof I'm neurodivergent, yes,

A ako vam je potrebno još dokaza da sam neurorazličita, da,

I am calm doing a thing that scares the hell out of most people.

ja sam sasvim mirna radeći stvari koje užasavaju većinu ljudi.

I'm almost dead inside up here.

Skoro da sam mrtva iznutra dok sam na bini.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Diagnosis gave me a framework on which to hang bits of me

Dijagnoza mi je dala okvir u koji mogu da uklopim svoje deliće

I could never understand.

koje nikada nisam razumela.

My misfit suddenly had a fit,

Moja neprilagođenost se iznenada uklapala,

and for a while, I got giddy with a newfound confidence

i neko vreme sam bila jako optimistična u vezi ove nove sigurnosti

I had in my thinking.

koju sam imala u mislima.

But after Grandma died, that confidence took a dive,

Ali nakon što je baka umrla, ta sigurnost je potonula,

because thinking is how I grieve.

zato što je razmišljanje način na koji ja tugujem.

And in that grief of thought,

U toj tuzi misli,

I could suddenly see with so much clarity

iznenada sam mogla videti tako jasno

just how profoundly isolated I was and always had been.

koliko sam suštinski bila usamljena i to oduvek.

What was the purpose of my human?

Koja je svrha mog postojanja?

I began to think a lot about how autism and PTSD have so much in common.

Počela sam da razmišljam kako autizam i PTSP imaju mnogo toga zajedničkog.

And I started to worry,

I to je počelo da me zabrinjava,

because I had both.

zato što sam ja imala oboje.

Could I ever untangle them?

Da li bih ikada mogla da ih razmrsim?

I'd always been told that the way out of trauma

Uvek su mi govorili da je izlaz iz traume

was through a cohesive narrative.

kroz kohezivnu priču.

I had a cohesive narrative,

Ja sam imala kohezivnu priču,

but I was still at the mercy of my traumas.

ali sam i dalje bila u nemilosti svojih trauma.

They're all part of my soup, but the onions still stung.

One su deo moje čorbe, ali luk i dalje peče.

And at that point, I realized

U tom momentu sam shvatila

that I'd been telling my stories for laughs.

da sam svoje priče pričala radi smeha.

I'd been trimming away the darkness, cutting away the pain

Rasterivala sam tamu i odstranjivala bol,

and holding on to my trauma for the comfort of my audience.

držeći se moje traume radi ugađanja publici.

I was connecting other people through laughs,

Povezivala sam ljude kroz smeh,

yet I remained profoundly disconnected.

a ja sam opet ostala duboko nepovezana.

What was the purpose of my human?

Koja je svrha mog postojanja?

I did not have an answer,

Nisam imala odgovor,

but I had an idea.

ali sam imala ideju.

I had an idea to tell my truth,

Imala sam ideju da kažem svoju istinu,

all of it,

celu istinu,

not to share laughs but to share the literal, visceral pain of my trauma.

ne da delim šale, nego da podelim bukvalan, duboki bol moje traume.

And I thought the best way to do that would be through a comedy show.

Mislila sam da je najbolji način za to upravo kroz komičarsku predstavu.

And that is what I did.

To sam i uradila.

I wrote a comedy show that did not respect the punchline,

Napisala sam komičarsku predstavu koja nije poštovala vrhunac šale,

that line where comedians are expected and trusted to pull their punches

onaj deo kada se od komičara očekuje i veruje se da će izvući suštinu štosa

and turn them into tickles.

i pretvoriti ga u smeh.

I did not stop.

Nisam stala.

I punched through that line

Probila sam tu liniju

into the metaphorical guts of my audience.

i metaforički udarila pravo u stomak svoje publike.

I did not want to make them laugh.

Nisam imala nameru da ih zasmejem.

I wanted to take their breath away,

Želela sam da im stane dah,

to shock them,

da ih šokiram,

so they could listen to my story and hold my pain

da mogu da slušaju moju priču i drže moj bol,

as individuals, not as a mindless, laughing mob.

kao pojedinci,

a ne kao nasmejana rulja koja ne razmišlja.

And that's what I did, and I called that show "Nanette."

To sam i uradila, a predstavu sam nazvala „Nanet”.

Now, many --

Sada, mnogi -

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Now, many have argued

Mnogi se nisu složili

that "Nanette" is not a comedy show.

da je „Nanet” komedija.

And while I can agree "Nanette" is definitely not a comedy show,

Iako se u potpunosti mogu složiti da „Nanet” nije komedija,

those people are still wrong --

ti ljudi su ipak pogrešili -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

because they have framed their argument

zato što su svoje argumente uobličili

as a way of saying I failed to do comedy.

tako da govore da nisam uspela da napravim komediju.

I did not fail to do comedy.

Ja sam uspela da napravim komediju.

I took everything I knew about comedy --

Uzela sam sve što sam znala o komediji -

all the tricks, the tools, the know-how --

sve trikove, alate, zanate -

I took all that, and with it, I broke comedy.

sve to sam uzela i sa tim slomila komediju.

You cannot break comedy with comedy

Ne možete slomiti komediju komedijom

if you fail at comedy.

ako ne uspete da napravite komediju.

Flaccid be thy hammer.

Mlohav je taj čekić.

(Laughter) (Applause)

(Smeh) (Aplauz)

That was not my point.

To nije bio moj cilj.

The point was not simply to break comedy.

Cilj je bio ne samo da slomim komediju,

The point was to break comedy so I could rebuild it and reshape it,

nego da je slomim kako bih je ponovo izgradila

i preoblikovala u nešto što će bolje podržavati

reform it into something that could better hold everything

I needed to share,

sve ono što imam da podelim.

and that is what I meant when I said I quit comedy.

E, to je ono što sam mislila kada sam rekla da sam napustila komediju.

Now, it's probably at this point where you're going, "Yeah, cool,

Verovatno ćete reći u ovom momentu:

„Da, super, ali koje su to tačno tri ideje?

but what are the three ideas, exactly?

It's a bit vague."

Malo je nejasno.”

I'm glad I pretended you asked.

Drago mi je što sam se pravila da ste pitali.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Now, I'm sure there's quite a few of you who have already identified three ideas.

Sigurna sam da je već priličan broj vas već shvatio koje su to tri ideje.

A smart crowd, by all accounts,

Pametna masa, u svakom smislu,

so I wouldn't be surprised at all.

tako da ne bih bila uopšte iznenađena.

But you might be surprised to find out that I don't have three ideas.

Možda ćete se iznenaditi kada saznate da ja uopšte nemam tri ideje.

I told you I had three ideas, and that was a lie.

Rekla sam vam da imam tri ideje i to je bila laž.

That was pure misdirection -- I'm very funny.

To je bilo čisto pogrešno usmeravanje - ja sam veoma duhovita.

What I've done instead is I've taken whole handfuls of my ideas as seeds,

Ono što sam ja uradila jeste da sam uzela pregršt svojih ideja

and I've scattered them all throughout my talk.

i rasejala ih kroz ceo moj govor.

And why did I do that?

Zašto sam to uradila?

Well, apart from shits and giggles,

Osim sranja i kikotanja,

it comes down to something my grandma always used to say.

sve se svodi na ono što je moja baka uvek govorila.

"It's not the garden, it's the gardening that counts."

„Nije važna bašta, nego baštovanstvo.”

And "Nanette" taught me the truth to that truism.

A „Nanet” me je naučila pravom značenju te izreke.

I fully expected by breaking the contract of comedy

Očekivala sam da potpuno raskinem sa komedijom

and telling my story in all its truth and pain

i da ispričam svoju priču sa celokupnom istinom i bolom,

that that would push me further into the margins of both life and art.

što bi me gurnulo još dalje, do granica života i umetnosti.

I expected that, and I was willing to pay that cost in order to tell my truth.

To sam očekivala i bila sam spremna da platim ceh kako bih rekla svoju istinu.

But that is not what happened.

Ali to se nije desilo.

The world did not push me away. It pulled me closer.

Svet me nije odgurnuo, već me je privukao još bliže.

Through an act of disconnection, I found connection.

Kroz čin isključivanja pronašla sam vezu.

And it took me a long time to understand

Trebalo mi je dugo da shvatim

that what is at the heart of that contradiction

da je ono što je suština te protivrečnosti

is also at the heart of the contradiction

isto ono što je suština protivrečnosti

as to why I can be so good at something I am so bad at.

zbog koje ja mogu biti tako dobra u onome u čemu sam loša.

You see, in the real world,

Vidite, u stvarnom svetu,

I struggle to talk to people

mučim se kada pričam sa ljudima

because my neurodiversity makes it difficult for me to think,

zato što mi moja neurorazličitost otežava da razmišljam,

listen, speak and process new information

slušam, govorim i obrađujem nove informacije

all at the same time.

u isto vreme.

But onstage, I don't have to think.

Ali na bini ne moram da razmišljam.

I prepare my thinks well in advance.

Dobro pripremim svoje misli unapred.

I don't have to listen. That is your job.

Ne moram da slušam. To je vaš posao.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And I don't really have to talk,

A u suštini ne moram ni da pričam,

because, strictly speaking, I'm reciting.

zato što, ako ćemo tačno, ja recitujem.

So all that is left

Dakle, sve što je ostalo

is for me to do my best

jeste da dam sve od sebe

to make a genuine connection with my audience.

da uspostavim istinsku vezu sa svojom publikom.

And if the experience of "Nanette" taught me anything,

Ako me je iskustvo „Nanet” nečemu naučilo,

it's that connection depends not just on me.

to je da veza ne zavisi samo od mene.

You play a part.

Vi ste deo toga.

"Nanette" may have begun in me,

„Nanet” se možda rodila u meni,

but she now lives and grows in a whole world of other minds,

ali ona sad živi i raste u celom svetu drugih misli,

minds I do not share.

misli koje ja ne delim.

But I trust I am connected.

Ali verujem da sam povezana sa njima.

And in that, she is so much bigger than me,

Zbog toga je ona nešto mnogo veće od mene,

just like the purpose of being human is so much bigger than all of us.

kao što je svrha postojanja mnogo veća od svih nas.

Make of that what you will.

Mislite o tome šta god želite.

Thank you, and hello.

Hvala vam i zdravo.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)