Three ideas. Three contradictions. Or not. | Hannah Gadsby

Translator: Lise Lotz Reviewer: Anders Finn Jørgensen

My name is Hannah.

Jeg hedder Hannah.

And that is a palindrome.

Og det er et palindrom.

That is a word you can spell the same forwards and backwards,

Det er et ord, der staves på samme måde forfra og bagfra,

if you can spell.

hvis man altså kan stave.

But the thing is --

Men det sjove er --

(Laughter)

(Latter)

my entire family have palindromic names.

at hele min familie har palindromnavne.

It's a bit of a tradition.

Det er lidt af en tradition.

We've got Mum, Dad --

Vi har Mum (mor), Dad (far) --

(Laughter)

(Latter)

Nan, Pop.

Nan (bedstemor), Pop (bedstefar).

(Laughter)

(Latter)

And my brother, Kayak.

Og min bror Kajak.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

There you go.

Værs'god!

That's just a bit a joke, there.

Der har du en lille joke, lige der.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

I like to kick things off with a joke because I'm a comedian.

Jeg kan godt lide at sætte ting i gang med en joke, for jeg er jo komiker.

Now there's two things you know about me already:

Nu ved I allerede to ting om mig.

my name's Hannah and I'm a comedian.

Jeg hedder Hannah, og jeg er komiker.

I'm wasting no time.

Jeg spilder ikke tiden.

Here's a third thing you can know about me:

Her er der en tredje ting, som I gerne må vide om mig:

I don't think I'm qualified to speak my own mind.

Jeg synes ikke, at jeg er ret god til at sige, hvad jeg virkelig mener.

Bold way to begin a talk, yes,

En modig indledning til en talk, ja,

but it's true.

men det er sandt.

I've always had a great deal of difficulty

Jeg har altid haft meget svært ved

turning my thinking into the talking.

at omsætte mine tanker til tale.

So it seems a bit of a contradiction, then,

Så det ser måske lidt ud som en selvmodsigelse,

that someone like me, who is so bad at the chat,

når sådan en som mig, som er så dårlig til at snakke,

could be something like a stand-up comedian.

er sådan noget som stand-up-komiker.

But there you go. There you go.

Men sådan er det. Værs'god.

It's what it is.

Det er sådan, det er.

I first tried my hand at stand-up comedi -- comedie ... See?

Jeg prøvede første gang stand-up-komedi... -- komid...

See? See?

Kan I se det? Se? Se?

(Laughter)

(Latter)

I first tried my hand at stand-up comedy

Jeg prøvede første gang stand-up-komik,

da jeg var sidst i tyverne

in my late 20s,

and despite being a pathologically shy virtual mute with low self-esteem

og på trods af, at jeg var sygeligt genert, ofte stum og havde lavt selvværd

who'd never held a microphone before,

og aldrig havde haft en mikrofon i hånden før,

I knew as soon as I walked and stood in front of the audience,

så vidste jeg straks, da jeg stod foran mit publikum,

I knew, before I'd even landed my first joke,

jeg vidste det, endda før jeg fortalte min første joke,

I knew that I really liked stand-up,

jeg vidste, at jeg virkelig godt kunne lide stand-up,

and stand-up really liked me.

og at stand-up virkelig godt kunne lide mig.

But for the life of me, I couldn't work out why.

Men jeg kunne til gengæld slet ikke forstå "hvorfor?".

Why is it I could be so good at doing something I was so bad at?

Hvordan kunne jeg være så god til noget, som jeg var så dårlig til?

(Laughter)

(Latter)

I just couldn't work it out, I could not understand it.

Jeg kunne simpelthen ikke regne det ud. Jeg forstod det ikke.

That is, until I could.

Altså indtil jeg kunne forstå det.

Now, before I explain to you why it is

Nu - inden jeg forklarer jer, hvordan det kan være,

that I can be good at something I'm so bad at,

at jeg kan være så god til noget, som jeg er så dårlig til -

let me throw another spanner of contradiction into the work

så lad mig lige smide endnu en selvmodsigelse ind i ligningen

by telling you that not long after I worked out why that was,

ved at fortælle jer, at ret kort tid efter, at jeg fandt ud af hvorfor,

I decided to quit comedy.

så bestemte jeg mig for at tage afsked med stand-up-komikken.

And before I explain that little oppositional cat

Og før jeg forklarer dén lille modsigelses-kat

I just threw amongst the thinking pigeons,

som jeg fik smidt ind i flokken af tænke-duer,

let me also tell you this:

så lad mig også fortælle jer dette:

quitting launched my comedy career.

Min afsked fik fyret min komikerkarriere afsted.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

Like, really launched it, to the point where after quitting comedy,

Altså, den kom virkelig ud over rampen, i en sådan grad, at efter min afsked

I became the most talked-about comedian on the planet,

var jeg pludselig den mest omtalte komiker på hele planeten,

because apparently, I'm even worse at making retirement plans

fordi - tydeligvis - er jeg endnu dårligere til at tage afsked,

than I am at speaking my own mind.

end jeg er til at sige, hvad jeg virkelig mener.

Now, all I've done up until this point

Nå, men det eneste jeg har gjort indtil nu,

apart from giving over a spattering of biographical detail

udover at give jer lidt tilfældige sprøjt af biografiske detaljer,

is to tell you indirectly that I have three ideas

er at sige til jer indirekte, at jeg har tre ideer,

that I want to share with you today.

som jeg vil dele med jer i dag.

And I've done that by way of sharing three contradictions:

Og det har jeg gjort ved at dele tre selvmodsigelser.

one, I am bad at talking, I am good at talking;

Ét: jeg er dårlig til at tale, jeg er god til at tale;

I quit, I did not quit.

Jeg tog afsked, jeg tog ikke afsked.

Three ideas, three contradictions.

Tre ideer, tre selvmodsigelser.

Now, if you're wondering why there's only two things

Så hvis I nu undrer jer over, hvorfor der kun er to ting,

on my so-called list of three --

på min såkaldte liste med tre ting --

(Laughter)

(Latter)

I remind you it is literally a list of contradictions.

så lad mig minde om, at det faktisk er en liste med selvmodsigelser

Keep up.

Følg lidt med.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

Now, the folks at TED advised me that with a talk of this length,

Folkene bag TED anbefalede mig, at med en talk af denne længde,

it's best to stick with just sharing one idea.

så var det bedst at holde sig til kun at dele én idé.

I said no.

Jeg sagde nej.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

What would they know?

Hvad ved de om den slags?

To explain why I have chosen to ignore what is clearly very good advice,

For at forklare, hvorfor jeg har valgt at ignorere et tydeligvis godt råd,

I want to take you back to the beginning of this talk,

så tager jeg jer lige tilbage til indledningen af denne talk,

specifically, my palindrome joke.

særligt til min palindrom-joke.

Now that joke uses my favorite trick of the comedian trade,

Den joke bruger mit yndlingstrick fra komikerfaget,

the rule of three,

"the rule of three",

whereby you make a statement

hvor man kommer med et udsagn,

and then back that statement up

bakker udsagnet op

with a list.

med en liste.

My entire family have palindromic names:

Hele min familie har palindrom-navne:

Mum, Dad, Nan, Pop.

Mum, Dad, Nan, Pop.

The first two ideas on that list create a pattern,

De første to ting på den liste skaber et mønster,

and that pattern creates expectation.

og mønsteret skaber forventning.

And then the third thing -- bam! -- Kayak. What?

Og så kommer den tredje ting - bum! - Kajak. Hvad?

That's the rule of three.

Det er "the rule of three".

One, two, surprise! Ha ha.

En, to, overraskelse! Ha ha.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

Now, the rule of three is not only fundamental to the way I do my craft,

Altså, "the rule of three" er ikke bare grundlæggende for mit håndværk,

it is also fundamental to the way I communicate.

den er også grundlæggende for min måde at kommunikere på.

So I won't be changing anything for nobody,

Så jeg laver ikke om på noget for nogen,

not even TED,

heller ikke for TED,

which, I will point out, stands for three ideas:

hvilket jeg lige vil pointere står for de tre idéer:

technology, entertainment

Teknologi, Entertainment

and dickheads.

og Dummernikker.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

Works every time, doesn't it?

Det virker hver gang, ikke?

But you need more than just jokes

Men der skal mere til end bare jokes,

to be able to cut it as a professional comedian.

hvis man vil klare sig som professionel komiker.

You need to be able to walk that fine line between being charming

Man skal kunne befinde sig på grænsen mellem at være charmerende

and disarming.

og afvæbnende.

And I discovered the most effective way to generate the amount of charm I needed

Og jeg opdagede, at den mest effektive måde at opbygge

den mængde charme, som jeg havde brug for,

to offset my disarming personality

for at modsvare min afvæbnende personlighed

was through not jokes but stories.

var ikke ved hjælp af jokes, men med historier.

So my stand-up routines are filled with stories:

Så mit stand-up-arbejde er fyldt med historier:

stories about growing up, my coming out story,

historier om at vokse op, min ud-af-skabet-historie,

stories about the abuse I've copped for being not only a woman

historier om de overgreb, som jeg har tålt, fordi jeg ikke bare er kvinde,

but a big woman and a masculine-of-center woman.

men en stor kvinde og endda en "masculine-of-center"-kvinde.

If you watch my work online, check the comments out below

Hvis du ser mit arbejde online, så check kommetarsporet,

for examples of abuse.

hvis du vil se eksempler på overgreb.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

It's that time in the talk where I shift into second gear,

Nu er vi kommet til det tidspunkt, hvor jeg skifter til andet gear,

and I'm going to tell you a story about everything I've just said.

og jeg vil fortælle en historie om alt det, som jeg lige har sagt.

In the last few days of her life,

I de sidste dage af sit liv

my grandma was surrounded by people,

var min bedstemor omgivet af mennesker,

a lot of people,

masser af mennesker,

because my grandma was the loving matriarch

fordi min bedstemor var den elskelige matriark

of a large and loving family.

i en stor og kærlig familie.

Now, if you haven't made the connection already,

Hvis ikke du har regnet det ud allerede,

I am a member of that family.

så er jeg medlem af den familie.

I was lucky enough to be able to say goodbye to my grandma

Jeg var så heldig, at få muligheden for at sige farvel til min bedstemor

on the day she died.

den dag hun døde.

But as she was already cocooned within herself by then,

Men eftersom hun dér allerede havde trukket sig helt ind i sig selv,

it was something of a one-sided goodbye.

så var det et lidt én-sidigt farvel.

So I thought about a lot of things,

Så jeg tænkte på en masse ting.

things I hadn't thought about in a long time,

Ting, som jeg ikke havde tænkt over i lang tid,

like the letters I used to write to my grandma

som fx. de breve, som jeg engang skrev til min bedstemor

when I first started university,

da jeg begyndte på universitetet.

letters I filled with funny stories and anecdotes

Det var breve, som jeg fyldte med historier og anekdoter,

that I embellished for her amusement.

som jeg pyntede lidt på for hendes fornøjelses skyld.

And I remembered how I couldn't articulate

Og jeg huskede, hvordan jeg ikke kunne sætte ord på

the anxiety and fear that filled me as I tried to carve my tiny little life

al den angst og frygt, jeg var fyldt af, mens jeg forsøgte at finde min lille plads

into a world that felt far too big for me.

i en verden, der virkede alt for stor til mig.

But I remembered finding comfort in those letters,

Men jeg huskede også, at jeg fandt trøst i de breve,

because I wrote them with my grandma in mind.

fordi jeg skrev dem med bedstemor i mine tanker.

But as the world got more and more overwhelming

Efterhånden som verden blev mere og mere overvældende

and my ability to negotiate it got worse, not better,

og min evne til at håndtere det blev dårligere og ikke bedre,

I stopped writing those letters.

holdt jeg op med at skrive de breve.

Jeg syntes bare ikke, at jeg levede den slags liv,

I just didn't think I had the life that Grandma would want to read about.

som Bedstemor ville have lyst til at læse om.

Grandma did not know I was gay,

Bedstemor vidste ikke, at jeg var homoseksuel

and about six months before she died,

og omkring seks måneder før hun døde,

out of nowhere, she asked me if I had a boyfriend.

spurgte hun lige pludselig en dag, om jeg havde en fyr.

Now, I remember making a conscious decision in that moment

Jeg kan huske, at jeg tog en helt bevidst beslutning i det øjeblik:

not to come out to my grandmother.

jeg ville ikke springe ud over for min bedstemor.

And I did that because I knew her life was drawing to an end,

Det gjorde jeg, fordi jeg vidste, at hendes liv lakkede mod enden,

and my time with her was finite,

og at jeg kun havde kort tid med hende,

and I did not want to talk about the ways we were different.

og jeg ønskede ikke at tale om, hvordan vi var forskellige.

I wanted to talk about the ways were we connected.

Jeg ville tale om, hvordan vi var forbundne.

So I changed the subject.

Så jeg skiftede emne.

And at the time, it felt like the right decision.

Mens det skete, føltes det som det rigtige at gøre.

But as I sat witness to my grandmother's life

Men mens jeg sad og så min bedstemors liv,

as it tapered to its inevitable end,

mens det nærmede sig sin uundgåelige afslutning,

I couldn't help but feel I'd made a mistake

så følte jeg alligevel, at jeg havde taget fejl

not to share such a significant part of my life.

ved ikke at dele en så afgørende del af mit liv.

But I also knew that I'd missed my opportunity,

Men jeg vidste også, at jeg havde forpasset chancen,

and as Grandma always used to say,

og som bedstemor altid sagde,

"Ah, well, it's all part of the soup.

"Ja, ja, det er altsammen en del af den samme suppe.

Too late to take the onions out now."

Det er for sent at fiske løgene op nu."

(Laughter)

(Latter)

And I thought about that,

Det tænkte jeg over,

and I thought about how I had to deal with too many onions

og jeg tænkte over, at jeg havde haft

alt for mange løg i mit liv som barn,

as a kid,

growing up gay in a state where homosexuality was illegal.

der voksede op som lesbisk i en stat, hvor homoseksualitet var ulovligt.

And with that thought, I could see how tightly wrapped

Og med den tanke kunne jeg se, hvor stramt jeg var viklet ind

in the tendrils of my own internalized shame I was.

slyngtråde fra min egen internaliserede skam.

And with that, I thought about all my traumas:

Og derfra tænkte jeg på alle mine traumer:

the violence, the abuse, my rape.

Volden, misbruget, voldtægten.

And with all that cluster of thinking,

Og sammen med hele den klynge af tanker

a thought, a question, kept popping into my mind

dukkede en tanke, et spørgsmål, igen og igen op i mit hovede,

to which I had no answer:

og jeg havde ikke noget svar:

What is the purpose of my human?

Hvad er meningen med, at jeg er menneske?

Out of anyone in my family, I felt the most akin to my grandmother.

Ud af alle i min familie følte jeg mig tættest beslægtet med min bedstemor.

I mean, we share the most traits in common.

Altså, vi har flest træk til fælles.

Not so much these days.

Bare ikke helt så meget for tiden.

Death really changes people.

Døden gør virkelig noget ved folk.

But that --

Men det --

(Laughter)

(Latter)

is my grandmother's sense of humor.

- er lige min bedstmors form for humor.

But the person I felt most akin to in the world

Det menneske, som jeg følte mig mest knyttet til i hele verden

was a mother, a grandmother, a great-grandmother,

var både mor, bedstemor, oldemor

a great-great-grandmother.

og tipoldemor.

Me? I represented the very end of my branch of the family tree.

Mig? Jeg var bare den yderste spids af min egen gren på stamtræet.

And I wasn't entirely sure I was still connected to the trunk.

Og jeg var ikke engang sikker på, at jeg stadig sad fast på stammen.

What was the purpose of my human?

Hvad var meningen med, at jeg er menneske?

The year after my grandmother's death was the most intensely creative

Året efter min bedstemors død, var det mest intenst kreative

of my life.

i hele mit liv.

And I suppose that's because, at an end, my thoughts gather

Og jeg gætter på, at det er fordi

i sidste ende, så samler mine tanker sig, mere end de spreder sig.

more than they scatter.

My thought process is not linear.

Mine tankeprocesser er ikke lineære.

I'm a visual thinker. I see my thoughts.

Jeg tænker visuelt. Jeg kan se mine tanker.

I don't have a photographic memory,

Jeg har ikke fotografisk hukommelse

and nor is my head a static gallery of sensibly collected think pieces.

og mit hoved er heller ikke noget galleri med fornuftigt indsamlede "tankeværker".

It's more that I've got this ever-evolving language of hieroglyphics

Det er snarere et mere og mere veludviklet hieroglyf-sprog

that I've developed

som jeg har udviklet,

and can understand fluently and think deeply with.

og som jeg forstår flydende og kan tænke dybt med.

but I struggle to translate.

Men jeg kæmper med at oversætte.

I can't paint, draw, sculpt, or even haberdash,

Jeg kan ikke male, tegne, lave skulpturer eller andet smart,

and as for the written word,

og hvad angår det skrevne ord,

I'm OK at it but it's a tortuous process of translation,

så er jeg ok god til det, men det er en indviklet oversættelsesproces,

and I don't feel it does the job.

og jeg synes ikke, at det er godt nok.

And as far as speaking my own mind, like I said, I'm not great at it.

Og det med at sige, hvad jeg mener, som jeg sagde, så er jeg ikke god til det.

Speech has always felt like an inadequate freeze-frame

Tale har jeg altid oplevet som et utilstrækkeligt snapshot

for the life inside of me.

af det liv, der er inde i mig.

All this to say,

Alt dette bare for at sige,

I've always understood far more than I've ever been able to communicate.

at jeg har altid forstået meget mere, end jeg har været i stand til at udtrykke.

Now, about a year before Grandma died,

Et år før Bedstemor døde,

I was formally diagnosed with autism.

fik jeg en formel autismediagnose.

Now for me, that was mostly good news.

For mig var det i det store hele en god nyhed.

I always thought that I couldn't sort my life out like a normal person

Jeg havde altid følt, at jeg ikke kunne klare mit liv som et normalt menneske,

because I was depressed and anxious.

fordi jeg var deprimeret og angst.

But it turns out

Og så viser det sig,

I was depressed and anxious

at jeg var deprimeret og angst,

because I couldn't sort my life out like a normal person,

fordi jeg ikke kunne klare mit liv som et normalt menneske,

because I was not a normal person,

fordi jeg ikke var et normalt menneske,

and I didn't know it.

og det vidste jeg ikke.

Jeg prøver ikke at sige, at jeg ikke stadig må kæmpe.

Now, this is not to say I still don't struggle.

Every day is a bit of a struggle,

Hver eneste dag er lidt af en kamp,

to be honest.

hvis jeg skal være ærlig.

But at least now I know what my struggle is,

Men i det mindste ved jeg nu, hvad min kamp går ud på,

and getting to the starting line of normal is not it.

og at prøve at opføre mig "normalt" er ikke min kamp.

My struggle is not to escape the storm.

Min kamp er ikke at prøve at undgå stormen.

My struggle is to find the eye of the storm as best I can.

Min kamp er at prøve at finde stormens øje, så godt jeg kan.

Now, apart from the usual way us spectrum types find our calm --

Bortset fra de almindelige måder, som os spektrum-typer bruger,

repetitive behaviors, routine and obsessive thinking --

når vi vil finde ro: gentagen adfærd, faste rutiner og besat tankegang,

I have another surprising doorway into the eye of the storm:

så har jeg en anden overraskende indgang til stormens øje:

stand-up comedy.

Stand-up-komedie.

And if you need any more proof I'm neurodivergent, yes,

Så hvis du skal bruge flere beviser på, at jeg er neurodivergent, så hør her:

I am calm doing a thing that scares the hell out of most people.

Jeg er helt rolig ved at gøre noget, som de fleste ville dø af skræk over.

I'm almost dead inside up here.

Jeg er nærmest død indvendigt heroppe.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

Diagnosis gave me a framework on which to hang bits of me

Diagnosen gave mig en ramme om alle de små ting ved mig selv,

I could never understand.

som jeg aldrig har kunnet forstå.

My misfit suddenly had a fit,

Jeg passede pludselig ind,

and for a while, I got giddy with a newfound confidence

og for en stund blev jeg helt høj af en nyfunden selvtillid

I had in my thinking.

over min måde at tænke på.

But after Grandma died, that confidence took a dive,

Men efter Bedstemors død så dykkede den selvtillid,

because thinking is how I grieve.

fordi jeg sørger med min tænkning.

And in that grief of thought,

Og i den tankesorg

I could suddenly see with so much clarity

kunne jeg pludselig se med stor klarhed,

just how profoundly isolated I was and always had been.

hvor utroligt isoleret jeg var og altid havde været.

What was the purpose of my human?

Hvad var meningen med, at jeg er menneske?

I began to think a lot about how autism and PTSD have so much in common.

Jeg tænkte en del på, at autisme og PTSD har en masse til fælles.

And I started to worry,

Og jeg blev bekymret,

because I had both.

for jeg havde begge dele.

Could I ever untangle them?

Kunne jeg mon vikle dem ud fra hinanden?

I'd always been told that the way out of trauma

Jeg har altid fået at vide, at vejen ud af et traume

was through a cohesive narrative.

går via en sammenhængende fortælling.

I had a cohesive narrative,

Jeg havde en sammenhængende fortælling,

but I was still at the mercy of my traumas.

men jeg var stadig fanget af mine traumer.

They're all part of my soup, but the onions still stung.

De er allesammen del af min suppe, men løgene sved stadig.

And at that point, I realized

Og på det tidspunkt gik det op for mig,

that I'd been telling my stories for laughs.

at jeg havde fortalt mine historier for at få latter.

I'd been trimming away the darkness, cutting away the pain

Jeg havde fjernet alt det mørke, skåret smerten væk,

and holding on to my trauma for the comfort of my audience.

og jeg holdt fast i mine traumer for at glæde mit publikum.

Jeg forbandt mig med andre mennesker gennem latter,

I was connecting other people through laughs,

yet I remained profoundly disconnected.

og alligevel følte jeg mig dybt uforbundet.

What was the purpose of my human?

Hvad var meningen med, at jeg er menneske?

I did not have an answer,

Jeg havde ikke noget svar,

but I had an idea.

men jeg fik en idé.

I had an idea to tell my truth,

Jeg fik den idé at fortælle min sandhed,

all of it,

det hele.

not to share laughs but to share the literal, visceral pain of my trauma.

Ikke for at dele latteren, men for at dele min bogstavelige indre smerte.

And I thought the best way to do that would be through a comedy show.

Og jeg tænkte, at det kunne jeg bedst gøre gennem et stand-up-show.

And that is what I did.

Og det gjorde jeg så.

I wrote a comedy show that did not respect the punchline,

Jeg skrev et show, som ikke viste respekt for punchlinen,

that line where comedians are expected and trusted to pull their punches

den sætning, hvor man forventer, at komikeren kommer med sit slag af en pointe

and turn them into tickles.

og får det til at kilde.

I did not stop.

Jeg stoppede ikke dér.

I punched through that line

Jeg tævede gennem den sætning

into the metaphorical guts of my audience.

og - metaforisk set - ind i publikums bløde maver.

I did not want to make them laugh.

Jeg villle ikke have dem til at grine.

I wanted to take their breath away,

Jeg ville slå luften ud af dem,

to shock them,

chokere dem,

so they could listen to my story and hold my pain

så de kunne høre min historie og mærke min smerte

as individuals, not as a mindless, laughing mob.

som enkeltindivider - og ikke som en tankeløs, grinende hob.

And that's what I did, and I called that show "Nanette."

Og det var det, som jeg gjorde, og jeg kaldte mit show for "Nanette".

Now, many --

Mange --

(Applause)

(Bifald)

Now, many have argued

Mange har hævdet,

that "Nanette" is not a comedy show.

at "Nanette" ikke er komedie.

And while I can agree "Nanette" is definitely not a comedy show,

Og jeg er sådan set enig i, at "Nanette" ikke er en komedie,

those people are still wrong --

men de folk tager stadig fejl,

(Laughter)

(Latter)

because they have framed their argument

Fordi de hævder det, så de kan sige,

as a way of saying I failed to do comedy.

at jeg ikke kan lave komedie.

I did not fail to do comedy.

Det var ikke fejlslagen komedie!

I took everything I knew about comedy --

Jeg tog alt, hvad jeg ved om komedie --

all the tricks, the tools, the know-how --

alle tricksene, værktøjerne, teknikkerne --

I took all that, and with it, I broke comedy.

jeg tog det hele, og med alt det ødelagde jeg komedien.

You cannot break comedy with comedy

Man kan ikke ødelægge komedie med komedie,

if you fail at comedy.

hvis man ikke har styr på komedie.

Flaccid be thy hammer.

Så mistede de lige potensen.

(Laughter) (Applause)

(Latter) (Bifald)

That was not my point.

Det var ikke min pointe.

The point was not simply to break comedy.

Pointen var ikke bare at ødelægge komedie.

The point was to break comedy so I could rebuild it and reshape it,

Pointen var at ødelægge komedie, så jeg kunne bygge den op igen i en ny form,

reform it into something that could better hold everything

ændre den så den bedre kunne indeholde alt dét,

I needed to share,

som jeg havde behov for at dele.

and that is what I meant when I said I quit comedy.

Og det var det jeg mente med, at jeg tog afsked fra komediefaget.

Now, it's probably at this point where you're going, "Yeah, cool,

Nu er vi nok ved at være på det sted, hvor I tænker,

"Fint nok, men hvad blev der lige af de tre ideer?

but what are the three ideas, exactly?

Det er lidt uklart."

It's a bit vague."

I'm glad I pretended you asked.

Godt, at jeg lader som om, at du spørger.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

Now, I'm sure there's quite a few of you who have already identified three ideas.

Jeg er sikker på, at en del af jer har fundet tre ideer.

A smart crowd, by all accounts,

I er jo et klogt publikum,

so I wouldn't be surprised at all.

så det ville slet ikke overraske mig.

But you might be surprised to find out that I don't have three ideas.

Men måske bliver I overraskede over, at jeg faktisk ikke har tre ideer.

I told you I had three ideas, and that was a lie.

Jeg sagde, at jeg havde tre ideer, og det var løgn.

That was pure misdirection -- I'm very funny.

Det var ren vildledning -- jeg er så sjov.

What I've done instead is I've taken whole handfuls of my ideas as seeds,

I stedet for har jeg taget hele håndfulde af mine mange ideer, som om det var frø,

and I've scattered them all throughout my talk.

og så har jeg spredt dem ud over hele min talk.

And why did I do that?

Og hvorfor gjorde jeg nu det?

Well, apart from shits and giggles,

Altså bortset fra, at det er skideskægt,

it comes down to something my grandma always used to say.

så handler det om noget, som min bedstemor altid sagde:

"It's not the garden, it's the gardening that counts."

"Det er ikke selve haven, men havearbejdet, der betyder noget."

And "Nanette" taught me the truth to that truism.

Og "Nanette" lærte mig at forså sandheden i den Sandhed.

Jeg forventede fuldstændig, at jeg ved at ødelægge komediens kontrakt

I fully expected by breaking the contract of comedy

and telling my story in all its truth and pain

og ved at fortælle min historie med al dens sandhed og smerte,

that that would push me further into the margins of both life and art.

så ville det føre mig endnu længere ud i yderkanten af både livet og kunsten.

I expected that, and I was willing to pay that cost in order to tell my truth.

Det forventede jeg, og jeg var klar til at betale prisen for at vise min sandhed.

But that is not what happened.

Men det var ikke det, der skete.

The world did not push me away. It pulled me closer.

Verden skubbede mig ikke fra sig. Det trak mig nærmere til sig.

Through an act of disconnection, I found connection.

Så ved at skabe afstand så fandt jeg tilknytning.

And it took me a long time to understand

Og jeg var længe om at forstå,

that what is at the heart of that contradiction

at det, som er hjertet i den selvmodsigelse

is also at the heart of the contradiction

også er hjertet i den anden selvmodsigelse,

as to why I can be so good at something I am so bad at.

som er, at jeg er så god til noget, som jeg er så dårlig til.

For det er nemlig sådan, at i virkeligheden,

You see, in the real world,

I struggle to talk to people

så kæmper jeg med at tale med andre,

because my neurodiversity makes it difficult for me to think,

fordi min neurodiversitet gør det svært for mig

at tænke, lytte, tale og bearbejde ny information

listen, speak and process new information

all at the same time.

på én gang.

But onstage, I don't have to think.

Men på scenen behøver jeg ikke at tænke.

I prepare my thinks well in advance.

Jeg forbereder mine "tanketing" i god tid.

I don't have to listen. That is your job.

Jeg behøver ikke at lytte. Det er jeres afdeling.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

And I don't really have to talk,

Og jeg skal faktisk slet ikke tale,

because, strictly speaking, I'm reciting.

for strengt taget, så "reciterer" jeg.

So all that is left

Så det eneste, der er tilbage

is for me to do my best

er, at jeg skal gøre midt bedste

to make a genuine connection with my audience.

for at skabe en ægte forbindelse med mit publikum.

And if the experience of "Nanette" taught me anything,

Og hvis mine erfaringer med "Nanette" har lært mig noget,

it's that connection depends not just on me.

så er det, at den forbindelse ikke kun handler om mig.

You play a part.

I spiller også en rolle.

"Nanette" may have begun in me,

"Nanette" begyndte måske i mig,

but she now lives and grows in a whole world of other minds,

men nu lever hun og vokser i en hel verden af andres tanker.

minds I do not share.

Tankeverdener, som jeg ikke deler.

But I trust I am connected.

Men jeg tror på, at jeg er forbundet.

And in that, she is so much bigger than me,

Og på den måde, er hun meget større end mig.

just like the purpose of being human is so much bigger than all of us.

På samme måde, som meningen med at være menneske er større end os alle.

Make of that what you will.

Få selv noget ud af det.

Thank you, and hello.

Tak. Og goddag.

(Applause)

(Bifald)