How to Do Laundry When You're Depressed | KC Davis | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: 麗玲 辛

Shortly after I published my book,

我出書之後沒多久， 收到了一封電子郵件。

I got an email.

It said,

信上說：「要不是你的書， 我就跑去自殺了。

"Your book was the only thing that saved me from suicide.

You saved my life."

你救了我的命。」

Now, for a book about how to clean, that's sort of odd, yeah?

我寫的是如何清潔的書， 所以有點怪，是吧？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But what if a new approach to cleaning

但，如果新的清潔方式 能夠教導我們用更好的方式

could teach us a better approach to treating mental health?

來治療心理健康呢？

I'm not an interior designer or a lifestyle influencer.

我不是室內設計師或生活方式網紅。

I'm just a therapist with ADHD.

我只是個有過動症的治療師。

And in February of 2020, I had my second baby.

2020 年二月， 我的第二個孩子誕生了。

Because with the first one, I had some postpartum anxiety

生了第一個孩子後， 我有點產後焦慮，

and my husband had just taken a very demanding job

而我先生剛接下一份吃力的 工作，會讓他非常忙碌，

that was going to keep him busy,

I developed a meticulous postpartum plan for myself.

所以我為自己設計了 一份超精細的產後計畫。

My family would rotate in in shifts for the first 60 days.

前六十天，我的家人會輪流值班。

The cleaning crew would come once a month.

清潔人員一個月來一次。

The new moms group would drop off dinners.

新手媽媽群組會送來晚餐。

And my toddler would go to preschool.

我還在學步的孩子則送去幼稚園。

I was so proud of this plan,

我對這個計畫好驕傲，

and it ended before it even began.

而它在還沒開始之前就結束了。

Because 2020 is when the COVID lockdowns happened

因為 2020 年發生了新冠肺炎封城，

and all of that support disappeared overnight.

一夕之間，這些支援都成為泡影。

In a blur, my days turned into breastfeeding difficulties,

很快地，我的日子充斥了

哺乳困難、學步寶寶 鬧脾氣、還有憂鬱。

toddler meltdowns and depression.

The dishes stayed in the sink for days.

水槽中的碗盤幾天都沒洗。

The laundry pile reached impressive heights.

要洗的衣服堆到高得不像樣。

And there was often not a path to walk from room to room.

且通常根本沒有路可以 從這個房間走到那個房間。

And when I should have been catching up on sleep,

晚上當我應該補眠時， 我會躺在床上想著：

I would lay in bed at night and think to myself,

"I'm failing.

「我好失敗。

Maybe I'm not capable of being a good mom to two kids."

也許我沒有能力當兩個孩子的媽。

I decided to post a joke video on TikTok one day

有一天，我決定在抖音上 貼出一支搞笑影片，

about my house-turned-disaster.

拍家裡的慘狀。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Some funny shots of my clutter and my dishes

有些好笑的鏡頭， 包括家裡的一團糟、碗盤，

and my enchilada pan to a nice beat.

玉米捲餅平底鍋，搭配音樂。

Sort of a laugh to keep from cry situation, surely.

肯定是種苦中作樂。

And I got a comment.

有人留言了。

"Lazy."

「懶。」

Yeah, that stung.

是啊，好傷人。

But I must be a glutton for punishment

不過，我大概喜歡自找罪受， 因為我繼續貼家裡一團亂的影片。

because I kept posting videos about my messy house.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Video after video of all of the weird tips and tricks that I was using

一支又一支的影片，有各種 我採用的怪秘訣和密技，

to try and get it back in order

試圖讓一切恢復秩序，同時 處理我覺得無法招架的感覺。

while managing my feelings of being overwhelmed.

And I braced myself for more criticism.

我也準備好面對更多批評。

But what happened was entirely different.

但後來發生的事卻完全不同。

In the comment sections of my videos,

我的影片留言區

hundreds of stories came rolling in.

湧入了數百則故事。

Stories like Amanda,

比如亞曼達的故事，

who, after losing her baby in the second trimester,

她在第二孕期失去了 寶寶之後，在水槽前呆立，

was standing frozen at her sink

because she forgot how to wash dishes.

因為她忘了要如何洗碗盤。

Stories like Lula,

比如路菈的故事，

whose chronic health problems and depression

她的慢性疾病和憂鬱症 讓她連刷牙都覺得困難。

made it difficult for her to brush her teeth.

Story after story of people with depression, ADHD,

一個接著一個的故事， 有的人是憂鬱，

也有人是過動症、 自閉症、倦怠、喪親，

autism, burnout, bereavement,

all struggling with these daily tasks.

他們都為日常瑣事所苦。

And it might seem odd to some of you

有些人可能會覺得很奇怪，

that someone could struggle with tasks that are so simple.

竟然這麼簡單的小事也做不到。

But are they simple?

但這些事真的簡單嗎？

Let's think about what really goes into something like laundry.

我們來想想洗衣服有那些步驟。

大家想像一下你的 那堆髒衣服，好嗎？

Everyone picture your laundry pile right now, OK?

How many clean clothes do you have left right now?

你現在還剩多少乾淨的衣服？

Can you wash tomorrow, or must it be today?

你能明天再洗嗎？還是一定得今天？

Do you need to prioritize, presort pre-treat anything?

你需要排順序嗎？ 需要預先分類或處理嗎？

Did you grow up with anybody that taught you how to do that?

成長過程中有人教過你怎麼做嗎？

洗衣精沒了，若你有三份工作，

You're out of laundry detergent,

if you work three jobs, when are you going to get to the store next?

何時能去店裡買？ 若去了，買得起嗎？

若買得起，要買哪種？

If you get there, can you afford it?

買回家了，倒進洗衣機， 怎麼設定？不知道，上網查。

And if you can, which one you choose?

And you get it all home, get in there,

Now pick a setting. Which one? I don't know. Google it.

順道一提，你記性不好，

三天後衣服還在洗衣機裡， 發霉了你才會想到要拿出來。

By the way, you have memory problems,

so you'll remember that wash in about three days,

when it's mildewed into the washer.

沒關係，就重洗， 再把衣服放到乾衣機裡。

It's OK, just re-wash it, and get it into the dryer.

烘完衣服你也會忘記， 衣服皺掉。那再烘一遍。

You'll forget that too, and it'll wrinkle. Now dry it again.

Now all you have to do is get it out and fold it.

現在只差把衣服拿出來摺好了。

但你有三個年幼的小孩。

But also you have three small children.

好一段時間都他們扒著你不放。

And those three small children haven't given you a moment alone

終於你有空檔了，你得決定

in quite some time.

When you finally get that moment, you have to decide,

你要去把衣服處理完？ 還是吃個三明治、打個盹？

are you going to finish the laundry or eat a sandwich or take a nap?

時間到，以上你都沒做。

你盯著牆。

Time's up, you didn't do any of it, you stared at the wall.

你有決策疲勞，

You have decision fatigue

因為靠自己扛起一個家的重擔 讓你筋疲力竭。

because the burden of carrying a home all by yourself has burnt you out.

You see, for some of you, all of the steps and the skills

對一些人而言，家管工作需要的

that go into care tasks run on autopilot.

這些步驟和技能都是自然而然完成的。

But for millions of people, the autopilot is broken.

但有數百萬人做不到自然而然。

And what's worse, what if you had to do all of that when your mom just died

更糟糕的是，若你是在母親 剛過世時要做這些事呢？

or your job just fired you

或你剛失業時？

or you’re using every ounce of strength that you have

或你正竭盡全力才能

to just not kill yourself today?

讓自己不要在今天自殺？

If you have access to therapy,

若你有機會接受心理治療， 治療師大概不會關心你的髒衣服。

it's unlikely your therapist will ever ask you about your laundry.

I've worked in mental health for about a decade.

我從事心理健康約十年， 接受治療的時間還更長，

I've been in therapy even longer,

and the only time I ever had a provider talk to me

只有一次，有個照護提供者 跟我談煮飯、清潔，和刷牙這些事，

about things like cooking and cleaning and brushing my teeth

was when I was in a psych hospital as a teenager.

那是我十幾歲進精神病院的時候。

Yet here were hundreds of thousands of people

但在我的留言區

有數百、數千個人告訴我，

in my comment sections telling me

that these daily care tasks were a major pain point in their life.

這些日常家管工作 是他們生活中的一大痛處。

And so I started to wonder, what if we started here?

於是，我開始好奇，

如果我們從這裡開始著手呢？

What if we started with these care tasks?

如果我們從這些 家管工作開始著手呢？

Could making daily tasks easier improve mental health quicker?

若能讓日常瑣事變得更容易，

是否就能更快改善心理健康？

In the two years that I've been posting and writing

兩年間，我持續貼文和寫作， 談心理健康和家管工作的交集，

about the intersection of mental health and care tasks,

I've come up with a philosophy that does just this.

而我真的找出了一套哲學 可以做到這一點。

And it all starts with one simple idea.

它始於一個簡單的概念。

Cooking, cleaning, laundry,

煮飯、打掃、洗衣服，

it doesn't make you a good person.

做這些事不會讓你成為好人

Or a bad person.

或壞人。

Listen to me.

聽我說。

Care tasks are morally neutral.

在道德上，家管工作是中立的。

Now, I know that if you've been watching Martha Stewart for decades --

我知道，如果你看瑪莎‧史都華 （家政女王）數十年——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

and scrolling the perfect Pinterest aesthetic every day,

還每天上 Pinterest 找完美的擺設，

that it can feel like struggling with these tasks is a moral failure.

那你的確會覺得搞不定這些 家管工作就是道德上的失敗。

Like, it's because we're lazy

好像就是因為我們太懶惰、 不負責，或不成熟。

or irresponsible or we're immature.

But having an organized closet doesn't make you a success.

但整齊的衣櫃並不代表你是成功人士。

And living out of a pile of laundry on the floor doesn't make you a failure.

家裡有一堆髒衣服沒洗 並不代表你是個失敗者。

You know where the shirt you want to wear is, it just ...

你知道你要穿的衣服 在哪裡，只是……

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It might take you a bit of sifting to find it.

你可能得翻一下才找得到。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

The truth is, it's not about morality.

事實是，這與道德無關。

It's about functionality.

重點是功能性。

Does your home work for you?

你家這樣，對你而言行不行得通？

Not some hypothetical houseguest that is coming to inspect your closet.

不是有某位假設性的訪客 要來檢查你的衣櫥。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I mentioned Amanda, who had lost her baby

我剛提過亞曼達，她失去了 寶寶，忘了如何洗碗盤。

and forgot how to wash dishes.

She told me that when her husband would go to work,

她告訴我，她先生去上班時， 她會躺在空嬰兒床旁的地板上，

she would lay on the floor next to the empty crib

and say to herself,

對自己說：

"What can I bring to my family if I can't even wash dishes?"

「如果我連洗碗都做不到， 我還為家人做什麼？」

But that changed

但她改變了，

when she began to see care tasks as morally neutral.

因為她開始能把家管工作 視為無關道德好壞。

All of the sudden, the dishes in the sink

突然間，水槽中的碗盤

weren't representations of her failure as a wife,

不再代表她是個失職的妻子，

but instead she would look at the pile

現在，她會看著那堆碗盤，

and think to herself, "What do I need to function tomorrow morning?"

心想：「我需要那些東西 讓我明早能夠運作？」

And then pull two coffee cups out of the pile to wash.

然後，從碗盤堆中 拿出兩個咖啡杯來洗。

She had her coffee the next morning,

隔天早上她喝了咖啡，

and it was a little bit easier to get up off the floor.

起身動起來就變得比較容易一點。

When we liberate ourselves from the idea that we are a good person or a bad person

當我們能解放自己，

不再用家管工作來判定 我們是好人或壞人，

with care tasks,

we can stop thinking about the right way to do things.

我們就能不再去想怎麼做才對，

About the way that things should be done,

不再去想事情應該怎麼做，

and instead start thinking about what we can do

而去思考在眼前的困難情況下，

with our current barriers

我們能做什麼，

to improve our quality of life today.

來改善現在的生活。

And this is the fun part.

而這是有趣的部分。

Because you get to customize a life that works for you.

因為你可以客製化 一種適合你的生活方式。

When Lula realized that her problems with brushing her teeth

當路菈意識到她無法刷牙的問題

were not moral failings,

並非道德上的失敗，

she gained the confidence to speak to her dental hygienist,

她便有自信和她的口腔衛生師談，

and together they came up with solutions that work around her barriers.

他們一起找解決方案， 克服她的障礙。

She now relies on pre-pasted disposable toothbrushes

她現在使用含牙膏的一次性牙刷， 放在桌子抽屜裡，

that she keeps in her desk,

floss she keeps in the living room

牙線放在客廳，

and a no-rinse prescription toothpaste.

還有不用潄口的處方牙膏。

Because by breaking down the component parts of a dental hygiene routine

透過將口腔衛生的例行工作 分解成個別動作，

and ensuring that each step was accessible to her mental and physical needs,

確保每一個步驟都能符合 她的心理及身體需求，

for the first time in a year, she's done every step in that routine

那年，她頭一次完成了 這項日常例行工作的每一步，

for two weeks straight.

且連續做了兩週。

She says that now that her teeth are clean,

她說，現在她的牙齒很乾淨，

she's a little less stressed about tomorrow's problems.

她對接下來的問題也比較沒那麼緊張。

And this approach can work with any care task

不論你的困難是那項 家管工作，這招都行得通。

that you struggle with.

Simply ask yourself,

只要問問自己：

"What am I trying to achieve

「我想做到什麼？我要如何 用我的方式來達成？」

and how can I achieve it in my way?"

In a rare moment of folding clothes ...

有一次，我難得在摺衣服……

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I looked down at the baby onesie that I was folding,

我低頭看著我正在摺的寶寶連身衣，

and I thought to myself,

我心想：

"Why am I folding this?"

「我為什麼在摺這個？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Baby onesies don't really wrinkle.

寶寶的連身衣其實不會皺。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And even if they did, nobody cares if a baby's in a wrinkly onesie.

就算會皺，也沒人在乎 寶寶穿的連身衣皺不皺。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Furthermore, I was probably going to change her

此外，午餐之前我可能 就要幫她換四次衣服了。

four times before lunch.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

This doesn't need to be folded.

這並不需要摺。

I said it out loud

我大聲說出來，真的硬著頭皮

and literally braced myself

for the laundry police?

準備要面對……洗衣警察嗎？

I don't know.

我不知道。

There are rules to laundry.

洗衣服是有規則的。

But for the first time,

但，頭一次，我不再去想 要怎麼洗衣服才對。

I stopped thinking about the way that laundry should be done.

And instead, started thinking

開始思考，我要如何 讓洗衣服這件事幫忙我。

about how I could make laundry functional for me.

And I looked down at the fleece pajamas

我低頭看著刷毛睡衣、 內衣、運動短褲，

and the underwear and the athletic shorts

還有挖背背心，

and the tank tops

and realized almost none of my clothes actually needed to be folded.

發現我的衣服幾乎都不需要摺。

And I haven't folded any of it since.

我從此就不摺了。

(Cheers and applause)

（歡呼及掌聲）

I moved all of my family's clothes into one closet off the laundry room,

我把全家的衣服移到 洗衣間旁邊的一個衣櫥裡，

and now I just toss things into organized bins unfolded.

我現在就只是把衣服丟進 安排好的箱子裡，不摺。

(Cheers and applause)

（歡呼及掌聲）

My new motto is: “Good enough is perfect.”

我的新格言是「夠好就是完美」。

(Laughter and applause)

（笑聲及掌聲）

And everything worth doing is worth doing half-assed.

任何值得做的事情， 都值得隨便做做。

(Laughter and applause)

（笑聲及掌聲）

You have to give yourself permission to do a little.

你得允許自己只做一點點、

To do it with shortcuts.

走捷徑偷個懒、

To do it while breaking all of the rules.

不守規距地做。

And replace that inner voice that says,

把那個「我很失敗」的內在聲音

“I’m failing,”

with one that says, "I'm having a hard time right now.

換成這句：「我現在處境艱難。

And people who are having a hard time deserve compassion."

處境艱難的人值得他人同情。」

If it's too hard to shower today,

如果今天沒力氣洗澡，

grab the baby wipes.

就用嬰兒濕巾。

It may not be the normal way to do it,

這不是正規的做法，

but you deserve to be clean.

但乾淨是你應得的。

If it's too hard to cook dinner,

如果沒力氣做晚餐，

get paper plates,

就用紙盤，

heat up something frozen.

把冷凍食物加熱。

You’ll go back to cooking and washing another day,

改天你會煮飯、洗碗， 但不是今天。

but the day is not today.

And in the meantime,

在那之前，

you deserve to eat.

你該吃東西。

If you're too depressed to do your dishes,

如果你很消沉，無法洗碗， 在臥室放一個兩加侖密封袋。

get a two-gallon Ziploc bag and keep it in your bedroom.

Because if you put a dirty plate into a two-gallon Ziploc bag and seal it,

因為如果你把髒盤子放到袋裏並密封，

it will keep the bugs away.

就不會引來蟲子。

And it'll be there for you

當你準備好回到廚房時， 髒盤子就在那裡等你。

when you're ready to go back to the kitchen.

Because you deserve a sanitary environment

即使你無法下床， 乾淨的環境是你應得的。

even if you can't get out of bed.

I could share with you hundreds of other genius solutions

我可以和大家分享 其他數百種天才妙招，

that people have come up with

都是大家在坦然接受家管工作 無關道德好壞之後想出的點子。

once they embraced the idea that care tasks are morally neutral.

In my experience, people will exhibit mind-blowing creativity

根據我的經驗， 人們能夠展現驚人的創意，

when they are only taught

只要他們學會帶著同情心和自己對談。

how to speak compassionately to themselves.

So what if mental health treatment started here?

如果心理健康治療 從這裡開始著手呢？

By shifting the idea of care tasks

轉變想法，不再把家管工作 視為外部指標，用來衡量你的價值，

as these external measurements of your worthiness

to just being morally-neutral tasks

單純地視之為無關道德的任務，

that you can customize to care for yourself.

你可以將之客製化， 來好好照料自己。

Because if it's true

因為，真的，

that regardless of what you struggle with,

不論你遇到的困難是什麼，

you are worthy of a functional space,

你都值得擁有一個 功能運作順利的空間，

what else might you be worthy of?

你一定還值得更多。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause and cheers)

（掌聲及歡呼）