How to Do Laundry When You're Depressed | KC Davis | TED

Translator: Rahadiani Prasetianti Reviewer: Agus Ari Wibawa

Shortly after I published my book,

Tak lama setelah menerbitkan buku,

I got an email.

saya mendapatkan surel.

It said,

Bunyinya,

"Your book was the only thing that saved me from suicide.

“Bukumu satu-satunya yang menyelamatkanku dari bunuh diri.

You saved my life."

Kau menyelamatkan hidupku.”

Now, for a book about how to clean, that's sort of odd, yeah?

Untuk buku tentang cara bersih-bersih, itu cukup aneh, ’kan?

(Laughter)

(Tertawa)

But what if a new approach to cleaning

Bagaimana jika cara bersih-bersih baru

could teach us a better approach to treating mental health?

dapat mengajarkan kita cara lebih baik dalam menyikapi kesehatan mental?

I'm not an interior designer or a lifestyle influencer.

Saya bukan desainer interior atau pemengaruh gaya hidup.

I'm just a therapist with ADHD.

Saya hanya seorang terapis dengan ADHD.

And in February of 2020, I had my second baby.

Dan pada Februari 2020, saya melahirkan anak kedua saya.

Because with the first one, I had some postpartum anxiety

Saya mengalami gangguan cemas postpartum pada persalinan pertama

and my husband had just taken a very demanding job

dan suami saya baru saja mendapat pekerjaan berat

that was going to keep him busy,

yang membuatnya selalu sibuk,

I developed a meticulous postpartum plan for myself.

saya menyusun rencana pasca persalinan yang detail untuk diri saya sendiri.

My family would rotate in in shifts for the first 60 days.

Keluarga saya berjaga bergantian selama 60 hari pertama.

The cleaning crew would come once a month.

Petugas kebersihan datang sebulan sekali.

The new moms group would drop off dinners.

Para ibu baru mengantar makan malam.

And my toddler would go to preschool.

Dan balita saya bersekolah TK.

I was so proud of this plan,

Saya sangat bangga dengan rencana ini,

and it ended before it even began.

dan tak sempat terwujud.

Because 2020 is when the COVID lockdowns happened

Karena di tahun 2020 kuncitara karena COVID terjadi

and all of that support disappeared overnight.

dan semua dukungan itu menghilang dalam semalam.

In a blur, my days turned into breastfeeding difficulties,

Samar di ingatan saya, hari-hari mengalami masa sulit menyusui,

toddler meltdowns and depression.

jeritan balita dan depresi.

The dishes stayed in the sink for days.

Piring kotor tergeletak di bak cuci berhari-hari.

The laundry pile reached impressive heights.

Cucian menumpuk sangat tinggi.

And there was often not a path to walk from room to room.

Bahkan, jarang ada ruang untuk bergerak dari kamar ke kamar.

And when I should have been catching up on sleep,

Saat saya harusnya tidur,

I would lay in bed at night and think to myself,

saya berbaring di malam hari sambil berpikir,

"I'm failing.

“Aku gagal.

Maybe I'm not capable of being a good mom to two kids."

Mungkin aku tak mampu jadi ibu yang baik untuk kedua anakku.”

I decided to post a joke video on TikTok one day

Suatu hari, saya memutuskan mengunggah video lelucon di TikTok

about my house-turned-disaster.

tentang rumah saya yang kacau-balau.

(Laughter)

(Tertawa)

Some funny shots of my clutter and my dishes

Beberapa cuplikan lucu onggokan barang dan piring kotor saya

and my enchilada pan to a nice beat.

dan panci enchilada diiringi musik.

Sort of a laugh to keep from cry situation, surely.

Semacam lelucon untuk mencegah diri saya menangis.

And I got a comment.

Dan aku dapat sebuah komentar.

"Lazy."

“Pemalas.”

Yeah, that stung.

Itu menyakitkan.

But I must be a glutton for punishment

Saya mungkin merasa ingin dihukum

because I kept posting videos about my messy house.

karena tetap mengunggah video rumah berantakan saya.

(Laughter)

(Tertawa)

Video after video of all of the weird tips and tricks that I was using

Video demi video tentang tips dan trik aneh yang saya gunakan

to try and get it back in order

untuk bangkit kembali

while managing my feelings of being overwhelmed.

seraya mengatasi perasaan kewalahan saya.

And I braced myself for more criticism.

Saya bersiap menerima lebih banyak kritik.

But what happened was entirely different.

Namun yang terjadi sepenuhnya berbeda.

In the comment sections of my videos,

Pada kolom komentar di videoku,

hundreds of stories came rolling in.

ratusan cerita masuk.

Stories like Amanda,

Cerita seperti milik Amanda,

who, after losing her baby in the second trimester,

yang kehilangan bayinya di trimester kedua,

was standing frozen at her sink

berdiri diam di depan bak cuci piring

because she forgot how to wash dishes.

karena dia lupa cara mencuci piring.

Stories like Lula,

Cerita seperti milik Lula,

whose chronic health problems and depression

yang mempunyai penyakit kronis dan depresi

made it difficult for her to brush her teeth.

yang membuatnya sulit menyikat gigi.

Story after story of people with depression, ADHD,

Cerita demi cerita dari orang-orang dengan depresi, ADHD,

autism, burnout, bereavement,

autisme, kelelahan, dukacita,

all struggling with these daily tasks.

semuanya merasa berat mengerjakan tugas harian seperti ini.

And it might seem odd to some of you

Dan mungkin terasa aneh bagi kalian

that someone could struggle with tasks that are so simple.

jika ada orang yang merasa berat mengerjakan tugas yang sederhana.

But are they simple?

Namun, apakah memang sederhana?

Let's think about what really goes into something like laundry.

Mari kita pikirkan tentang apa yang terjadi saat mencuci.

Everyone picture your laundry pile right now, OK?

Semuanya bayangkan tumpukan cucian kalian sekarang, oke?

How many clean clothes do you have left right now?

Ada berapa pakaian bersih Anda saat ini?

Can you wash tomorrow, or must it be today?

Bisakah Anda mencucinya besok atau harus hari ini?

Do you need to prioritize, presort pre-treat anything?

Haruskah Anda memprioritaskan, menyusun, merawatnya?

Apakah dulu ada yang mengajari Anda melakukannya?

Did you grow up with anybody that taught you how to do that?

Deterjen Anda habis,

You're out of laundry detergent,

jika punya 3 pekerjaan, kapan ada waktu untuk beli itu?

if you work three jobs, when are you going to get to the store next?

Di toko, mampukah membelinya?

If you get there, can you afford it?

Jika bisa, mana yang dipilih?

Kemudian, Anda sampai di rumah.

And if you can, which one you choose?

Pilihlah pengaturan mesin cuci. Yang mana? Google dulu.

And you get it all home, get in there,

Now pick a setting. Which one? I don't know. Google it.

Oh ya, memori Anda bermasalah,

jadi Anda baru ingat cucian tiga hari kemudian,

By the way, you have memory problems,

saat sudah berjamur di mesin cuci.

so you'll remember that wash in about three days,

Tak masalah, cuci lagi, dan keringkan di pengering.

when it's mildewed into the washer.

It's OK, just re-wash it, and get it into the dryer.

Anda lupa lagi, jadi bajunya kusut. Keringkan lagi.

You'll forget that too, and it'll wrinkle. Now dry it again.

Now all you have to do is get it out and fold it.

Sekarang Anda harus keluarkan dan melipatnya.

Namun, Anda punya tiga anak kecil.

But also you have three small children.

Tiga anak kecil itu tak mau meninggalkan Anda sejenak.

And those three small children haven't given you a moment alone

Saat akhirnya punya waktu kosong, Anda harus memilih,

in quite some time.

When you finally get that moment, you have to decide,

menyelesaikan cucian atau makan roti lapis atau tidur siang?

are you going to finish the laundry or eat a sandwich or take a nap?

Waktu habis tanpa melakukan apapun, Anda menatap dinding.

Time's up, you didn't do any of it, you stared at the wall.

Anda merasa lelah memutuskan

You have decision fatigue

karena beban mengurus rumah sendirian membuat Anda kehabisan tenaga

because the burden of carrying a home all by yourself has burnt you out.

You see, for some of you, all of the steps and the skills

Bagi sebagian dari kalian, semua langkah dan kemampuan

that go into care tasks run on autopilot.

untuk merawat diri bekerja dengan otomatis.

But for millions of people, the autopilot is broken.

Namun, jutaan orang tidak mampu melakukannya dengan otomatis.

And what's worse, what if you had to do all of that when your mom just died

Bahkan lebih parah, jika Anda harus lakukan semuanya saat ibumu baru meninggal

or your job just fired you

atau Anda baru kehilangan pekerjaan

or you’re using every ounce of strength that you have

atau Anda menggunakan segenap kekuatan yang Anda punya

to just not kill yourself today?

supaya tidak bunuh diri hari ini?

If you have access to therapy,

Jika Anda mendapat terapi,

it's unlikely your therapist will ever ask you about your laundry.

sepertinya terapis Anda tak akan pernah bertanya tentang cucian.

I've worked in mental health for about a decade.

Saya coba untuk sehat mental selama satu dekade.

I've been in therapy even longer,

Saya bahkan mengikuti terapi lebih lama,

and the only time I ever had a provider talk to me

dan saya hanya bisa mengobrol dengan nakes

about things like cooking and cleaning and brushing my teeth

tentang memasak, bebersih, dan menyikat gigi

was when I was in a psych hospital as a teenager.

adalah saat saya dirawat di RS Jiwa ketika remaja.

Yet here were hundreds of thousands of people

Namun di sini, ada ratusan ribu orang

in my comment sections telling me

di kolom komentar saya yang berkata

that these daily care tasks were a major pain point in their life.

bahwa tugas harian adalah salah satu bagian tersulit dalam hidup mereka.

And so I started to wonder, what if we started here?

Maka, saya bertanya-tanya, bagaimana jika kita mulai dari sini?

What if we started with these care tasks?

Bagaimana jika kita mulai dari tugas harian ini?

Could making daily tasks easier improve mental health quicker?

Bisakah kesehatan mental ditingkatkan dengan memudahkan tugas harian?

In the two years that I've been posting and writing

Selama dua tahun saat saya menulis dan mengunggah

about the intersection of mental health and care tasks,

tentang kaitan antara sehat mental dan tugas harian,

I've come up with a philosophy that does just this.

Saya menemukan filosofi yang sesuai.

And it all starts with one simple idea.

Dan dimulai dengan satu ide sederhana.

Cooking, cleaning, laundry,

Memasak, bersih-bersih, mencuci,

it doesn't make you a good person.

tidak membuat Anda jadi orang yang baik.

Or a bad person.

Atau orang yang buruk.

Listen to me.

Dengarkan saya.

Care tasks are morally neutral.

Secara moral, tugas harian adalah netral.

Now, I know that if you've been watching Martha Stewart for decades --

Saya tahu Anda bertahun-tahun menonton Martha Stewart --

(Laughter)

(Tertawa)

and scrolling the perfect Pinterest aesthetic every day,

dan menjelajah Pinterest untuk mencari gambar estetis sepanjang hari,

that it can feel like struggling with these tasks is a moral failure.

hingga Anda merasa bahwa kesulitan melakukan tugas harian adalah kegagalan.

Like, it's because we're lazy

Karena kita malas,

or irresponsible or we're immature.

tak bertanggung jawab, atau kurang dewasa.

But having an organized closet doesn't make you a success.

Tapi memiliki lemari yang rapi tak menjamin kesuksesan Anda.

And living out of a pile of laundry on the floor doesn't make you a failure.

Dan hidup di tengah gunungan cucian tak membuat Anda jadi orang gagal.

You know where the shirt you want to wear is, it just ...

Anda tahu di mana baju kaus yang ingin Anda pakai, hanya saja...

(Laughter)

(Tertawa)

It might take you a bit of sifting to find it.

Mungkin perlu sedikit susah payah mencari.

(Laughter)

(Tertawa)

The truth is, it's not about morality.

Sesungguhnya, ini bukan tentang benar atau salah.

It's about functionality.

Ini tentang fungsionalitas.

Does your home work for you?

Apakah rumah Anda berfungsi untuk Anda?

Not some hypothetical houseguest that is coming to inspect your closet.

Bukan hanya tamu bayangan yang akan memeriksa lemari Anda.

(Laughter)

(Tertawa)

I mentioned Amanda, who had lost her baby

Saya ingat Amanda, yang baru kehilangan bayi

and forgot how to wash dishes.

dan lupa cara mencuci piring.

She told me that when her husband would go to work,

Ia berkata bahwa saat suaminya berangkat kerja,

she would lay on the floor next to the empty crib

ia berbaring di lantai, di sisi ranjang bayi kosong,

and say to herself,

berkata pada dirinya sendiri,

"What can I bring to my family if I can't even wash dishes?"

“Bagaimana cara membantu keluarga jika cuci piring saja tak bisa?”

But that changed

Namun semua berubah

when she began to see care tasks as morally neutral.

ketika tugas harian dilihatnya hal yang netral secara moral.

All of the sudden, the dishes in the sink

Tiba-tiba, tumpukan piring di bak cuci

weren't representations of her failure as a wife,

bukan simbol kegagalannya sebagai istri

but instead she would look at the pile

namun, ia melihat tumpukan piring itu

and think to herself, "What do I need to function tomorrow morning?"

dan berpikir, “Apa yang kuperlukan untuk bisa berfungsi besok pagi?”

And then pull two coffee cups out of the pile to wash.

Lalu mengambil dua mug kopi dari tumpukan itu dan mencucinya.

She had her coffee the next morning,

Ia bisa menikmati kopinya keesokan pagi,

and it was a little bit easier to get up off the floor.

dan menjadi lebih ringan untuk bangkit dari lantai.

When we liberate ourselves from the idea that we are a good person or a bad person

Ketika kita berhenti menilai baik-buruknya diri kita

with care tasks,

berdasarkan tugas harian,

we can stop thinking about the right way to do things.

kita bisa berhenti memikirkan tentang cara yang benar.

About the way that things should be done,

Tentang cara tepat melakukan sesuatu,

and instead start thinking about what we can do

melainkan memikirkan apa yang dapat kita lakukan

with our current barriers

dengan keterbatasan kita

to improve our quality of life today.

untuk meningkatkan kualitas hidup hari ini.

And this is the fun part.

Ini adalah bagian serunya.

Because you get to customize a life that works for you.

Karena bisa mengatur sendiri cara hidup yang sesuai untuk Anda.

When Lula realized that her problems with brushing her teeth

Saat Lula menyadari kesulitannya untuk menyikat gigi

were not moral failings,

bukanlah tanda kegagalan,

she gained the confidence to speak to her dental hygienist,

ia mendapat keberanian untuk berbicara dengan dokter gigi

and together they came up with solutions that work around her barriers.

dan mencari solusi yang tepat, sesuai dengan keterbatasannya.

She now relies on pre-pasted disposable toothbrushes

Kini ia mengandalkan sikat gigi berpasta sekali pakai

that she keeps in her desk,

yang disimpan di mejanya,

floss she keeps in the living room

benang gigi yang disimpan di ruang tamu,

and a no-rinse prescription toothpaste.

dan pasta gigi tanpa-bilas resep dokter.

Because by breaking down the component parts of a dental hygiene routine

Karena dengan mengurai bagian dari rutinitas menyikat gigi

and ensuring that each step was accessible to her mental and physical needs,

dan menjadikannya mudah dilakukan sesuai kebutuhan fisik dan mental,

for the first time in a year, she's done every step in that routine

setelah bertahun-tahun, ia akhirnya menjalankan semua tahap itu

for two weeks straight.

dua minggu berturut-turut.

She says that now that her teeth are clean,

Ia berkata, sekarang giginya bersih,

she's a little less stressed about tomorrow's problems.

stresnya terkait permasalahan hari esok sedikit berkurang.

And this approach can work with any care task

Cara ini bisa dilakukan untuk tugas harian

that you struggle with.

yang sulit bagi Anda.

Simply ask yourself,

Tanyakan pada diri Anda,

"What am I trying to achieve

“Apa tujuanku

and how can I achieve it in my way?"

dan bagaimana mencapainya dengan caraku?”

In a rare moment of folding clothes ...

Saat melipat pakaian yang jarang kulakukan...

(Laughter)

(Tertawa)

I looked down at the baby onesie that I was folding,

Saya melihat baju bayi yang saya lipat,

and I thought to myself,

dan berpikir,

"Why am I folding this?"

“Mengapa aku melipatnya?”

(Laughter)

(Tertawa)

Baby onesies don't really wrinkle.

Baju bayi jarang kusut.

(Laughter)

(Tertawa)

And even if they did, nobody cares if a baby's in a wrinkly onesie.

Dan jika kusut, tak seorangpun peduli si bayi memakai baju kusut.

(Laughter)

(Tertawa)

Furthermore, I was probably going to change her

Dan lagi, saya mungkin akan mengganti bajunya

four times before lunch.

Empat kali sebelum makan siang.

(Laughter)

(Tertawa)

This doesn't need to be folded.

Baju ini tak perlu dilipat.

I said it out loud

Saya berkata nyaring

sambil bersiap untuk

and literally braced myself

for the laundry police?

ditangkap polisi cucian?

I don't know.

Entahlah.

There are rules to laundry.

Ada aturan mencuci baju.

But for the first time,

Tapi ini pertama kali

I stopped thinking about the way that laundry should be done.

saya berhenti berpikir tentang cara benar untuk mencuci baju.

And instead, started thinking

Namun, saya mulai berpikir

about how I could make laundry functional for me.

bagaimana cara mencuci baju yang bisa saya lakukan.

And I looked down at the fleece pajamas

Saya melihat ke tumpukan piyama,

and the underwear and the athletic shorts

pakaian dalam dan celana pendek,

and the tank tops

dan kaus kutang,

and realized almost none of my clothes actually needed to be folded.

dan saya sadar hampir tak ada baju saya yang benar-benar perlu dilipat.

And I haven't folded any of it since.

Maka saya tak lagi melipatnya.

(Cheers and applause)

(Sorakan dan tepuk tangan)

I moved all of my family's clothes into one closet off the laundry room,

Saya memindahkan semua baju keluarga ke dalam satu lemari di luar ruang cuci,

and now I just toss things into organized bins unfolded.

dan sekarang saya langsung melempar baju ke keranjang susun tanpa dilipat.

(Cheers and applause)

(Tepuk tangan dan sorakan)

My new motto is: “Good enough is perfect.”

Motto baru saya: “Lumayan itu sempurna.”

(Laughter and applause)

(Tertawa dan tepuk tangan)

And everything worth doing is worth doing half-assed.

Dan semua yang layak dikerjakan, layak dikerjakan sekenanya.

(Laughter and applause)

(Tertawa dan tepuk tangan)

You have to give yourself permission to do a little.

Anda harus mengizinkan diri Anda untuk bekerja minimal.

To do it with shortcuts.

Untuk mencari jalan pintas.

To do it while breaking all of the rules.

Melakukannya sambil melanggar aturan.

And replace that inner voice that says,

Mengganti suara hati Anda yang berkata,

“I’m failing,”

“Aku gagal,”

with one that says, "I'm having a hard time right now.

menjadi yang berkata, “Aku sedang mengalami masa sulit.”

And people who are having a hard time deserve compassion."

Seseorang yang sedang kesusahan berhak mendapat welas asih.

If it's too hard to shower today,

Jika melangkah ke kamar mandi terasa mustahil,

grab the baby wipes.

ambillah tisu basah.

It may not be the normal way to do it,

Mungkin ini bukan cara yang lazim,

but you deserve to be clean.

namun Anda berhak untuk bersih.

If it's too hard to cook dinner,

Jika memasak makan malam terlalu berat,

get paper plates,

ambillah piring kertas,

heat up something frozen.

hangatkanlah makanan beku.

You’ll go back to cooking and washing another day,

Anda akan masak dan mencuci kembali suatu hari,

but the day is not today.

namun bukan hari ini.

And in the meantime,

Sementara itu,

you deserve to eat.

Anda berhak untuk makan.

If you're too depressed to do your dishes,

Jika Anda terlalu depresi untuk cuci piring,

get a two-gallon Ziploc bag and keep it in your bedroom.

ambil plastik klip ukuran besar, dan taruh di kamar.

Because if you put a dirty plate into a two-gallon Ziploc bag and seal it,

Karena jika Anda menaruh piring kotor di plastik klip dan menutupnya,

it will keep the bugs away.

serangga akan menjauh.

And it'll be there for you

Benda itu akan di sana

when you're ready to go back to the kitchen.

saat Anda siap untuk kembali ke dapur.

Because you deserve a sanitary environment

Anda berhak berada di lingkungan yang bersih

even if you can't get out of bed.

meskipun sulit bangkit dari ranjang.

I could share with you hundreds of other genius solutions

Saya bisa berbagi ratusan ide jenius lain

that people have come up with

yang ditemukan orang lain

once they embraced the idea that care tasks are morally neutral.

setelah menerima bahwa tugas harian bukan tentang benar dan salah.

In my experience, people will exhibit mind-blowing creativity

Dari pengalamanku, orang akan menunjukkan kreativitas luar biasa

when they are only taught

hanya jika mereka dibimbing

how to speak compassionately to themselves.

untuk berbicara dengan empati pada diri mereka.

So what if mental health treatment started here?

Bagaimana bila perawatan kesehatan mental dimulai di sini?

By shifting the idea of care tasks

Dengan mengubah ide bahwa tugas harian

adalah patokan untuk kelayakan diri

as these external measurements of your worthiness

to just being morally-neutral tasks

menjadi hanya sekadar tugas harian yang netral

that you can customize to care for yourself.

yang bisa Anda modifikasi menyesuaikan diri Anda.

Because if it's true

Karena jika benar,

that regardless of what you struggle with,

tak peduli apa kesulitan Anda,

you are worthy of a functional space,

Anda layak mempunyai ruang yang berguna.

what else might you be worthy of?

Maka, apa lagi yang layak Anda dapatkan?

Thank you.

Terima kasih.

(Applause and cheers)

(Tepuk tangan dan sorakan)