For the love of fangirls | Yve Blake

譯者: Pei-Chen Benson Liu 審譯者: Amanda Chu

Four years ago,

四年前

a teenage girl changed my life

與一位少女交談過後

in one conversation.

我的人生有了大大改變

She was 13 years old,

那位少女當時 13 歲

she was a friend's little cousin

是我一個朋友的親戚

and she casually told me

她無意間跟我說

that she had met the man she was going to marry.

她遇到了真命天子，要跟他結婚

So I said, "OK, tell me about him."

我說：「他是怎麼樣的人呢？」

And she told me that his name was Harry Styles.

她告訴我

他名叫哈利·史泰爾斯（Harry Styles）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So I laughed a little, like you,

我像各位一樣也笑了出來

and then she said, "I know you don't think I'm serious,

她接著說

「你覺得我在開玩笑，對吧？

but I'm actually going to be with him.

但我真的要跟他在一塊

Because I love him so much

因為我已經深深得愛上他

that I would slit someone's throat to be with him."

殺人放火也在所不惜。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And that was the moment

也就是那個當下

that I became obsessed with fangirls.

我對迷妹深深感到著迷

I didn't know it then,

那時候我還不知道

but that moment would transform the course of my life

我一生會因此改變

and go on to change everything that I thought I knew

甚至我對成熟、女性 還有幸福的看法

about being an adult,

being a woman

and being truly happy.

也不如以往

But before we get started,

開始前，

what is a fangirl,

迷妹是什麼？

and what is a Harry Styles?

哈利·史泰爾斯又是誰？

Well, according to the dictionary, the Merriam-Webster dictionary,

根據韋伯字典

a fangirl is a "girl or woman

迷妹是指「某人或某物的女性粉絲

who is an extremely or overly enthusiastic fan

極盡熱情甚至是到狂熱的程度」

of someone or something."

Technically, you can have fangirls of anything,

其實說來，什麼事情都有一群迷妹

but my specific interest was in fangirls of boy bands.

我感興趣的是喜愛男孩樂團的迷妹

Because of their somewhat lethal reputation.

因為她們似乎有點聲名狼藉

I remember, my dad had told me this story of some Beatles fans in the '60s,

記得我父親跟我說過

60 年代的披頭四粉絲

who apparently had torn a parked BMW to literal pieces,

把一輛路邊的 BMW

活生生拆成碎片

because the band had supposedly just been sat in it.

只因為樂團成員可能剛坐過那輛車

In the '60s, the Beatles were the biggest boy band on the planet,

60 年代當時，

披頭四是全球最火熱的男孩樂團

but when I met this girl in 2015,

但我剛提到的女孩 是 2015 年的事情

the biggest boy band on the planet was none other than One Direction.

那時最蔚為風潮的

當然就是 1 世代（One Direction）

And Harry Styles was a member of One Direction.

哈利·史泰爾斯是成員之一

Harry Styles was reputed for his compassionate demeanor

他以極富同理心和一頭完美秀髮著稱

and perfect hair.

I learn this when I read thousands of tweets about him.

這是我是從幾千條推文知道的

I learn that he is a sweet cupcake.

大家都說他是甜心、天使下凡

I learn that he is a perfect angel.

I learn that one time,

我還讀到有次 他在加州的高速公路邊嘔吐

he vomited on the side of a freeway in California

and that within two hours,

接著兩小時之內

fans had turned the site of the vomit into a sacred shrine.

粉絲把那一攤嘔吐物變成了神壇

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I scroll through --

在網路上，我滑過······

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I scroll through fan-made paintings of Harry,

我滑過好多為哈利畫的畫像

baby photos of him,

他的嬰兒照

paintings of baby photos of him.

用他嬰兒照描繪的畫像

I watch videos that show me how to make DIY love totems for Harry --

還看到教學影片教大家

如何自製哈利愛的圖騰

for example, a lampshade covered in photos of his face,

像是有種燈罩，上面都是哈利的臉

or a key ring that states the exact time of his birth.

或是有種鑰匙圈，

寫著哈利確切的出生時間

I read hours of fan fiction,

我花好多時間讀了粉絲撰寫的小說

and I fall down this specific rabbit hole

這些故事把讀者 設定為第一人稱的主角

of stories that actually place me as a protagonist

我讀到非常入迷、無法自拔

inside of various imagined romances with him.

寫得盡是與哈利的種種浪漫情節

So in one, I tell him that I'm pregnant with his child.

有一個故事是這樣的

我告訴他我懷了他的孩子

In another, we meet in hospital where we're both fighting cancer,

另一個是我們在醫院相遇

同時在與癌症戰鬥

and in another, we fall so deeply in love

還有一次是我們深深相愛

that we become fugitives who kill people.

情勢卻逼得我們成為亡命的殺人犯

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But then ...

但接著卻發生了預想不到的事情

something unthinkable happens.

One Direction, the biggest boy band on the planet,

1 世代這個最受歡迎的男孩樂團當中

loses a member.

有一位成員離隊了

Zayn Malik quits the band,

贊恩・馬利克退出了樂團

and the internet explodes with feels.

網路上隨即充滿感傷

I read tweets as these girls describe the physical pain of this loss,

有些推文寫著

女粉絲甚至還感到身體的傷痛

how they can't eat or sleep or walk.

吃不下、睡不著，也走不動

I read them describe how much Zayn had meant to them.

她們形容贊恩對她們來說 有多重大的意義

And I watch videos of 10-year-old girls crying.

我也看到一段影片

是一個 10 歲小女孩在哭

But, like, really crying.

真情流露，哭得很傷心

And then I watch as people repost these videos but with new titles

接著我發現大家開始 轉貼這段影片，卻改了標題

其中充斥著「瘋子」、「可怕」 「荒唐」這樣的字眼

that contain words like "crazy" and "creepy" and "insane."

And suddenly, my YouTube sidebar contains

我的 YouTube 也隨即出現

"Compilation: Fans react to Zayn leaving.

「贊恩退團的粉絲反應合輯

Psycho alert!"

警告：神經病出沒！」

Then I watch as mainstream news outlets cover the story.

主流媒體也報導了這件事情

形容她們是「年輕班西女妖」 （傳說班西尖聲號哭預報死亡）

I read them describe these "young banshees."

I read one journalist say,

有一位記者說：

"It's a commonly known fact since the age of the Beatles

「大家都知道從披頭四那時開始

that there is nothing scarier in this world

最可怕的事情莫過於 一群興奮的少女了。」

than a group of excited teenage girls."

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And then I ask myself a question I've never considered in my life.

因此我開始思考 一個我從未有過的疑問

Why is it that the image of young girls screaming their lungs out with excitement

為什麼女孩看到明星

興奮地放聲尖叫的畫面

for a pop star

is considered crazy, psycho,

會被說成瘋子、神經病 可怕、反應過度？

scary, a bit much?

But the image of young boys screaming their lungs out for a footballer

但男孩看到足球員放聲尖叫

is perfectly normal?

卻是正常的事情？

Boys crying at the footie,

男生看足球賽看到哭

that's the love of the game.

是因為熱愛這項運動

Girls crying at a Justin Bieber concert?

女生看小賈斯汀演唱會看到哭？

That's pathetic.

那就是件可悲的事情

And as soon as I realized this double standard,

當我認知到這樣的雙重標準後

I realized that all of my curiosity about fangirls

就發現我對迷妹之所以好奇

had been sparked by exactly the same judgments.

就是源自這樣的看法

I, too, had suspected that they were a bit crazy.

我自己也曾經覺得她們未免瘋狂了些

I'd looked at images of girls screaming for the Beatles,

當看到女孩為了披頭四 新好男孩、或 1 世代尖叫時

the Backstreet Boys, One Direction,

and the word that had come to mind was not "excitement"

我覺得她們是「歇斯底里」 而非「熱血沸騰」

but "hysteria."

And what I did not know was the history of that word.

「歇斯底里」這個字的歷史

我當時有所不知

That in the 19th century,

19 世紀時，

hysteria was considered to be a legitimate female mental disorder

大家認定歇斯底里是種女性心理疾病

that could be diagnosed by doctors

如果女性表露過多情緒或很難相處

if women displayed excessive emotion or difficult behavior.

醫生可以就此做出診斷

The word "hysterical" comes from the Latin word "hystericus,"

「歇斯底里」這個詞 源自拉丁文的「hystericus」

meaning "of the womb,"

也就是「出於子宮」的意思

because it was thought that this condition was caused by a dysfunction of the uterus.

因為當時人們認為是子宮出了問題

And so, a treatment for hysteria

要治療歇斯底里，

was a hysterectomy.

便要透過子宮切除術

Which is what we still call a removal of the womb.

到現在這個字還是一樣的意思

And at this point,

我因此把注意力放到另一個問題上

I decide to redeclare my obsession.

Because I am no longer just obsessed with fangirls.

我不再只對迷妹感興趣

Now, I'm obsessed with the way that the world talks about fangirls

更好奇社會對迷妹的看法

and the way that the world looks at young, female enthusiasm.

還有社會如何看待年輕女性展現熱情

Because, I want to know,

因為我想知道

if girls grow up in a world

如果女孩所處的世界

where words like "crazy" and "psycho" and "hysterical" are casually used

常以「瘋子」、「神經病」 「歇斯底里」

來形容女性的熱情

to describe female enthusiasm,

then how does that shape the way that those girls get to see themselves?

她們又會如何看待自己？

And if girls grow up in a world that tells them

如果女孩所處的世界

總是灌輸她們，

that they are designed just a bit crazier than the boys,

女孩生來比男孩更為瘋狂

then isn't that a little bit like telling them

這不就等於是在說

that they are born less capable of rationality than men,

女性比男性缺乏理性

less capable of reason

更沒判斷力

and unworthy of the same intellectual respect as their brothers.

在智能上，不應得到 自己兄弟所受的同等尊重

Separately, I become obsessed with female screams.

另外，我也對女性尖叫 這個行為感到興趣

Not in a creepy way.

不是讓人發毛那種

I'm talking about, like, those shrieks and squeals

而是演唱會上會聽到的那一種

that fangirls let out at concerts.

I want to know why it is

我想知道為什麼

that some people instinctively flinch when I merely describe the sound,

每當形容這樣的聲音時，

人們總是倒退一步

like it's painful just to think about it.

像是想起一件痛苦的事情一般

Then I meet Amy Hume.

我找了 Amy Hume

She's a voice coach.

她是位聲樂教練

And she blows my mind.

給我留下了深刻的印象

Because she tells me that the female voice

因為她跟我說 11 至 13 歲女性的聲音

between the ages of 11 and 13

is one of the most interesting things to study.

用來研究會很有趣

Why?

為什麼呢？

Because there's this research by Carol Gilligan

卡羅爾．吉利根（Carol Gilligan） 所進行的一項研究發現

that says that is the age

在這個年齡，

when girls begin to perform and alter their voices.

女孩會開始展現、調整聲音

For example, adding breath for maturity,

舉例來說，刻意加氣音來增加成熟度

(Imitating vocal fry) or adding vocal fry for apathy.

（模仿氣泡音） 或是用氣泡音表達她們毫不在乎

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But tell me, according to this research,

根據這份研究

when do you reckon boys begin to perform and alter their voices?

各位猜男孩又是什麼時候 開始表現、改變聲音呢？

Now, I guessed 18,

我當時猜是 18 歲

because "men mature later," right?

因為男孩「比較晚懂事」，對吧？

Wrong.

這是錯的。

The answer was four years old.

答案是四歲的時候

Because that is when boys learn not to cry or squeal.

因為男孩會試著不哭不吼

That those are not manly sounds.

這些聲音太沒有男子氣概

And that's when I realized

因此我認為

that a fangirl's shriek is therefore like a superpower.

迷妹的尖叫聲就像是超能力

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Because it's this fearless and honest expression

因為這樣的聲音 無畏又真誠得表達情緒

of pure celebration and joy,

展現了純粹的歡樂和喜悅

and it's a sound

女孩還沒有遺忘這樣的聲音

they have not forgotten how to make.

I actually reckon that fangirls have a second superpower,

我認為迷妹其實還有另一種超能力

because they know how to do something

因為他們能完成的事情，

that most of my adult friends have no idea how to do.

大人無能為力

Fangirls know how to love something without apology or fear.

迷妹了解如何真心愛上某件事情

而不必感到抱歉或恐懼

My years of researching fangirls

我研究迷妹那些年

culminated in this determination

讓我最後決定

to write something that celebrates and vindicates them.

要以寫作來替她們辯白

來讚揚她們

So I decided to make this thriller comedy musical

我因此決定製作一齣驚悚音樂喜劇

that sounds like a Beyoncé concert meets rave meets church.

聽起來就像是碧昂絲的演唱會

加上狂歡舞會又加上教會

I called it "Fangirls,"

定名為「迷妹」

and I designed it like a Trojan horse.

我將這齣劇設計得像特洛伊木馬

So it appears to make fun of these young women,

表面上像是在嘲笑這些年輕女性

only to, like, smuggle them into your heart.

但其實是要讓你們偷偷愛上她們

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Thanks.

謝謝

(Applause)

（掌聲）

At one point --

有一幕

Thanks.

謝謝

At one point, a girl sings,

有一幕，有個女孩唱道

"Why should I hide my feelings?

「為什麼我得將情感隱藏起來？

Because they annoy you?

因為你不喜歡？

Or because it isn't what the boys do?"

還是因為男孩沒有這麼做？」

And as a former fangirl cynic,

我之前也曾對迷妹種種行為感到不屑

that is the question that I want to leave you all with.

現在想問各位一個問題

Why should fangirls tone it down?

為什麼迷妹應該低調些？

Because they're crazy?

因為她們很瘋狂？

Or because our definition of "reasonable"

或因是我們給予「理性」的定義

is based on what it is acceptable for men to do?

是以可接受男性的行為為基準？

What if we rethink the judgments we've been conditioned to feel

年輕女性興奮時聲嘶力竭地喊叫時

when we see young women screaming their lungs out with excitement?

我們是否能跳脫制約

以不同角度重新 思考和判斷她們的行為？

What if we decided to rethink the words we use

形容那種喜悅時 我們能否重新考慮用詞？

to describe that joy,

and what if we didn't allow ourselves to diminish girls

或是不論是在智力、興趣或能力方面

with words that undermine their intelligence,

不再使用貶低女性的字眼？

their interests and their capability?

Because, according to my research,

因為根據我的研究

they are capable of building a shrine to Harry Styles's vomit

她們能兩小時內，在高速公路上

哈利．史泰爾斯的嘔吐物旁

on the side of a freeway within two hours.

建造一處神壇

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

That takes some executive skills in logistics and communication.

這在物流和溝通上 需要相當的執行能力

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

If that isn't "capable," I don't know what is.

這樣子已經是「能幹」的最高境界了

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I reckon, instead of judging fangirls, we can learn from them.

我認為與其品頭論足

我們更該跟迷妹學學

We can all die tomorrow,

人難逃一死

so why not love things while we're still breathing?

那為何不在活著的時候 盡情追求所愛？

And with that,

正因為這樣

I'd like to ask you all to try something with me.

我想要請大家跟我一起做件事

Can I get you all to stand up?

可以請各位起立嗎？

Stand up if you can, stand up.

如果可以的話，請站起來

Alright, so here's what's going to happen.

好，接下來

I'm going to count to three

我會數到三

and when I finish,

數到三的時候

I'm going to ask every single one of you

我想請每個人 迷妹式得盡情大聲尖叫

to let out your very best fangirl scream.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Yeah?

可以嗎？

Here is why I am asking you to do this.

我請各位這樣做是因為

Because if all five-or-so thousand of you do this and really commit,

如果在場所有聽眾都能一起參與

we all get our first chance to hear that sound

各位就有機會聽聽這樣的聲音

and to decide that it is not a crazy sound.

也能知道這樣做不會像是瘋子

It is a hopeful sound.

這聲音充滿了希望

So shall we do this?

一起來吧？

I said, shall we do this?

我說，一起來吧？

(Audience: Yes!)

（觀眾：好！）

Alright. OK, I am going to cheat and I'm not going to go full volume,

好，我會小小作弊不出全力

because I'm miked and we don't want to hear that.

因為我有麥克風 大家可不想聽我大叫

But it means you all have to go 110 percent.

這代表各位要拿出 百分之一百一十的力氣

You ready? Take a deep breath with me.

準備好了嗎？一起深呼吸

Think of someone you love, let's go,

想想你喜愛的事物，開始吧

one, two, three.

一，二，三

(Audience screams)

（觀眾尖叫）

(Laughter and applause)

（笑聲與掌聲）

You all just sounded stunning

做得好

and as sane and as intelligent

各位跟一開始走進來時

一樣清醒

and as dignified

一樣理性

as when you walked in this room.

一樣有尊嚴

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Thank you.

謝謝

(Applause)

（掌聲）