The beauty and complexity of finding common ground | Matt Trombley

Transcriber: Ivana Korom Reviewer: Krystian Aparta

Translator: Nathaniel Luis Reyhan Soesilo Reviewer: Lanny Yunita

So our story started several years ago,

Cerita kami mulai beberapa tahun lalu,

when my wife and I got a complaint letter in the mail

saat saya dan istri dapat surat keluhan dari tetangga anonim.

from an anonymous neighbor.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

I'll never forget the way my wife transformed before my eyes

Saya tak pernah lupa bagaimana istri saya tiba-tiba berubah

from this graceful, peaceful, sweet woman

dari perempuan yang lemah lembut dan manis

into just an angry mother grizzly bear whose cubs needed to be protected.

menjadi induk beruang marah yang ingin melindungi anaknya.

It was intense.

Kejadiannya menegangkan.

So here's what happened.

Jadi, begini kejadiannya.

This is our family.

Inilah keluarga kami.

This is my wife and I and our five awesome kids.

Ini istri dan saya, bersama lima anak luar biasa kami.

We're pretty loud, we're pretty rambunctious,

Kami keluarga yang ribut dan gila.

we're us.

Kami adalah kami.

You'll notice, though, that two of our children

Bila diperhatikan, dua anak kami tidak mirip Mary dan saya,

look a little different than Mary and I,

and that's because they came to us through adoption.

itu karena mereka diadopsi.

Our neighbor, though, saw two different-looking children

Ketika tetangga kami melihat dua anak itu bermain di luar rumah tiap hari,

playing outside of our house every day

and came to the conclusion

mereka menyimpulkan bahwa kami punya tempat penitipan anak ilegal di rumah.

that we must have been running an illegal day care out of our home.

(Murmuring)

(Bisikan)

We were really angry to have our children stereotyped like that,

Kami sangat marah ketika anak kami diberi label seperti itu,

but I know that's a relatively minor example of racial profiling.

tapi itulah contoh kecil asumsi berdasarkan ras.

But isn't it sometimes what we all tend to do

Bukankah kita semua kadang melakukan itu

with people who think differently,

kepada orang yang berbeda pandangan atau kepercayaan, atau pilihan pemilu?

or believe differently or maybe even vote differently?

Instead of engaging as true neighbors,

Bukannya berkunjung layaknya tetangga sejati, kita menjaga jarak,

we keep our distance

and our actions towards those

dan sikap kita dipengaruhi oleh kesamaan atau perbedaan sudut pandang.

are guided by who we think sees the world as we do

or who we think doesn't.

See, what my neighbor suffered from is a condition called agonism.

Tetangga saya mengalami kondisi bernama 'agonisme.'

And sometimes we all suffer from the same condition.

Kadang, kita semua mengalami kondisi tersebut.

It's not a medical condition, but it is contagious.

Itu bukan kondisi medis, namun itu menular.

So let's talk a little bit about what agonism is.

Mari kita membahas agonisme.

My favorite definition of agonism

Arti favorit saya tentang agonisme adalah

is taking a warlike stance in contexts that are not literally war.

[Mengambil jalur perang dalam konteks yang bukan perang.]

Agonism comes from the same Greek root word "agon"

Agonisme berasal dari kata dasar Yunani 'agon', yang artinya 'kesakitan'.

from which we get "agony."

How very appropriate.

Sangat cocok.

We all tend to show symptoms of agonism

Kita condong punya gejala ini ketika memegang teguh dua keyakinan,

when we hold on to two deeply held beliefs,

first identified by author Rick Warren.

pertama diketahui oleh penulis, Rick Warren.

The first one is that if love someone,

Pertama, jika kita mencintai seseorang,

we must agree with all they do or believe.

kita harus setuju dengan semua perbuatan dan kepercayaannya.

And the second is the inverse,

Yang kedua itu kebalikannya,

that if we disagree with someone,

jika kita tak setuju dengan seseorang, pasti artinya kita takut atau benci dia.

it must mean that we fear or we hate them.

Not sure we really recognize the agony this way of thinking brings to us,

Kita tak sadar kesakitan yang dibawa oleh cara pikir ini,

when our relationships die

ketika hubungan kita berakhir karena kita merasa harus setuju atau tak setuju.

because we think we have to agree or disagree

no matter what.

Think about the conversations we've had around Brexit,

Pikirkan percakapan tentang Brexit,

or Hong Kong,

atau Hong Kong, pendudukan Israel, atau mungkin pendakwaan.

maybe Israeli settlements or perhaps impeachment.

I bet we could all think of at least one personal relationship

Saya yakin kita setidaknya punya satu hubungan pribadi

that's been strained or maybe even ended because of these topics,

yang menjadi tegang atau mungkin berakhir akibat hal ini,

or tragically,

atau tragisnya, akibat hal yang jauh lebih sepele.

over a topic much more trivial than those.

The cure for agonism is not out of reach.

Obat untuk agonisme bisa dicapai.

The question is how.

Pertanyaannya adalah bagaimana.

So might I suggest two strategies

Saya akan menyarankan dua strategi berdasarkan pengalaman saya.

that my experience has taught me to start with.

First, cultivate common ground,

Pertama, tanamkan kesamaan, fokus pada apa yang kita bagikan.

which means focusing on what we share.

I want you to know I'm using my words very, very deliberately.

Anda harus tahu bahwa saya sengaja memakai kata-kata ini.

By "cultivate," I mean we have to intentionally work

'Tanamkan' maksudnya berusaha mencari kesamaan dengan seseorang.

to find common ground with someone.

Just like a farmer works to cultivate the soil.

Seperti petani yang bekerja untuk menanam.

And common ground is a common term,

Dan 'kesamaan' adalah istilah umum.

so let me at least explain what I don't mean,

Izinkan saya menjelaskan yang tidak saya maksud.

which is I don't mean by common ground that we were exact,

'Kesamaan' bukan berarti kita pasti saling setuju dan membenarkan.

or that we totally agree and approve.

All I mean is that we find one unifying thing

Maksudnya adalah mencari satu hal yang mempersatukan

that we can have in a relationship in common with another person.

yang bisa ada dalam hubungan bersama orang lain.

You know, sometimes that one thing is hard to find.

Kadang satu hal itu sulit dicari.

So I'd like to share a personal story,

Jadi, saya ingin bercerita, tapi sebelum mulai,

but before I do,

let me tell you a little bit more about myself.

saya akan ceritakan sedikit lagi tentang saya.

I'm Caucasian,

Saya seorang Kaukasia, lelaki sejak lahir,

cisgender male,

middle class, evangelical Christian.

dari kelas menengah, beragama Kristen.

And I know, as soon as some of those words came out of my mouth,

Setelah saya berkata itu, beberapa dari Anda telah berprasangka.

some of you had some perceptions about me.

And it's OK,

Itu tidak apa-apa, tidak semua prasangka itu positif.

I know that not all those perceptions are positive.

But for those who share my faith,

Bagi Anda yang seiman dengan saya,

know that I'm about to cut across the grain.

ketahuilah bahwa saya akan bertindak berbeda.

And you may tune me out as well.

Anda mungkin akan mengabaikan saya pula.

So as we go,

Jika Anda tidak suka mendengarkan saya,

if you're having a hard time hearing me,

I just gently ask that you reflect

dengan sopan saya minta Anda merenung

and see if you're buying into agonism.

dan introspeksi apakah Anda memiliki agonisme.

If you're rejecting me

Jika Anda menolak saya karena pandangan Anda berbeda dengan saya,

simply because you think you see the world differently than I do,

because isn't that what we're here talking about?

bukankah itu yang kita bicarakan?

Alright, ready?

Baiklah, siap?

So I've been thinking a lot about how to find common ground

Saya telah berpikir tentang bagaimana cara mencari kesamaan

in the area of gender fluidity,

dalam masa kelabilan jenis kelamin sebagai seorang Kristen.

as an evangelical Christian.

For Christians like me,

Untuk seorang Kristen seperti saya,

we believe that God created us man and woman.

kami percaya bahwa Tuhan menciptakan pria dan wanita.

So what do I do?

Lalu, apakah dengan acuhnya saya berkata,

Do I throw up my hands and say,

"Saya tak bisa berteman dengan orang transgender atau LGBTQIA"?

"I can't have a relationship with anybody who is transgender

or LGBTQIA?"

No.

Tidak.

That would be giving into agonism.

Itu adalah agonisme.

So I started looking at the foundational aspects of my faith,

Jadi, saya mulai mencari aspek dasar iman saya.

the first of which

Pertama, 99,9% dari tiga miliar gen kita adalah sama.

is that of the three billion genes that make us human --

and by the way, we share 99.9 percent of those genes --

that I believe those three billion genes are the result of an intelligent designer.

Itu pasti adalah karya seorang perancang cerdas.

And that immediately gives me common ground with anybody.

Dan itu langsung menjadikan saya mirip dengan semua orang.

What it also gives me ...

Itu juga membuat saya percaya bahwa tiap manusia

is the belief that each and every one of us

have been given the right to life

telah diberi hak hidup oleh perancang cerdas yang sama.

by that same intelligent designer.

I dug deeper though.

Saya menelusuri lebih dalam.

I found that my faith didn't teach me

Iman saya tidak mengajarkan saya

to start relationships by arguing with somebody

untuk mengawali hubungan dengan argumen hingga mereka percaya atau teryakinkan.

until they believed what I believed,

or I convinced them.

No, it taught me to start relationships

Tidak, itu mengajarkan saya untuk mengawali hubungan

by loving them as a coequal member of the human race.

dengan mencintai mereka layaknya manusia yang setara.

Honestly though,

Sejujurnya, beberapa orang yang seiman dengan saya

some who share my faith draw a line

and refuse to address somebody by their preferred gender pronoun.

enggan memanggil seseorang dengan kata ganti jenis kelamin lain.

But isn't that believing the lie that in order for me to honor you,

Bukankah itu memercayai kebohongan bahwa agar saya bisa menghormati Anda,

I have to give up what I believe?

saya harus menyerahkan kepercayaan saya?

Come back in time with me --

Mari kita lihat kembali --

let's say it's 20 years ago,

misal 20 tahun silam, Muhammad Ali datang ke rumah Anda.

and Muhammad Ali comes to your doorstep.

And you open the door.

Dan Anda membuka pintu.

Would you address him as Muhammad Ali

Akankah Anda memanggilnya Muhammad Ali atau nama sebelumnya, Cassius Clay?

or his former name of Cassius Clay?

I'm guessing that most of you would say Muhammad Ali.

Saya tebak sebagian besar dari Anda menjawab Muhammad Ali.

And I'm also guessing that most of you

Anda juga tidak merasa harus menjadi Islam hanya dengan menyebut namanya.

wouldn't think we'd have to immediately convert to Islam,

just by using his name.

To honor him would cost me, would cost any of us

Menghormatinya sama sekali tidak merugikan kita,

absolutely nothing,

and it would give us the common ground to have a relationship.

dan itu akan memberi kita kesamaan untuk mengawali hubungan.

And it's the relationship that cures agonism,

Hubungan itu menyembuhkan agonisme, bukan menyerahkan kepercayaan kita.

not giving up what we believe.

So for me to honor my faith,

Untuk menghormati iman saya berarti menolak gejala kaku agonisme ini.

it means rejecting these rigid symptoms of agonism.

Meaning, I can and I will love you.

Artinya, saya bisa dan akan mencintai Anda.

I can and I will accept you,

Saya bisa dan akan menerima Anda tanpa harus menyerahkan kepercayaan saya,

and I don't have to buy into the lie

that if I do these things, I have to give up what I believe

or chose to fear and hate you.

atau menakuti dan membenci Anda karena saya fokus pada kesamaan kita.

Because I'm focusing on what we have in common.

When you can find even the smallest bit of common ground with somebody,

Jika Anda bisa mencari kemiripan sekecil apa pun dengan seseorang,

it allows you to understand just the beautiful wonder

Anda bisa memahami keajaiban, kerumitan, dan kemegahan orang lain.

and complexity

and majesty of the other person.

Our second strategy

Strategi kedua memberi kita momen (Tarikan napas) untuk bernapas.

gives us room to (Inhales)

breathe.

To pause.

Untuk berhenti. Untuk tenang.

To calm down.

To have the kind of relationships that cure agonism.

Untuk memiliki hubungan yang menyembuhkan agonisme.

And how to keep those relationships alive.

Dan cara mempertahankan hubungan tersebut.

Our second strategy is to exchange extravagant grace.

Strategi kedua kita adalah untuk bertukar rahmat berlimpah.

(Laughs)

(Tawa)

Once again, I'm not mincing words --

Kata-kata saya ini benar -- 'Grace' bukan berarti 'anggun'.

by grace, I don't mean we should all go sign up for ballet,

that would be weird.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

What I mean is not canceling everything over one mistake.

Maksudnya adalah untuk tidak merusak semuanya akibat satu kesalahan,

Even if that mistake personally offended you.

meskipun kesalahan itu menyinggung Anda secara mendalam.

Maybe even deeply.

Perhaps Holocaust survivor Corrie ten Boom put it best

Penyintas holocaust, Corrie ten Boom, memiliki pernyataan yang bagus,

when she said,

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free,

[Memaafkan itu membebaskan tahanan, untuk menyadari sayalah tahanannya.]

only to realize that prisoner was me."

My faith teaches me that we humans will never be perfect,

Iman saya mengajarkan bahwa manusia tidak akan bisa sempurna, termasuk saya.

myself very much included.

So we need the grace of a savior,

Jadi, kita perlu rahmat sang penyelamat, yang bagi saya adalah Yesus.

who for me is Jesus.

And while I define grace in the context of my faith,

Saya mengartikan rahmat dalam konteks iman saya,

I know there's a lot of other people who have defined it differently

sementara banyak orang yang mengartikannya berbeda-beda.

and in different ways.

One of my favorites is radio broadcaster Oswald Hoffmann, who said,

Favorit saya adalah penyiar radio, Oswald Hoffman yang berkata,

"Grace is the love that loves the unlovely

[Rahmat adalah cinta yang mencintai mereka yang buruk rupa dan tak dicintai.]

and the unlovable."

And I just love that picture of grace.

Dan saya suka gambaran itu.

Because I know I am,

Saya dan Anda mungkin bisa mengingat ketika kita tak bisa dicintai.

and maybe a lot of you can think of a time

when we're just pretty dadgum unlovable.

So it would be the height of hypocrisy,

Itu sangat munafik, dan juga bertolak belakang dengan iman saya;

dare I say repulsive to my faith,

for me to accept

jika saya menerima cinta dan rahmat tanpa syarat dari Tuhan

the unconditional, unqualified grace and love from God

and then turn around

namun saya memberikan cinta yang bersyarat kepada Anda.

and put one precondition on the love I give you.

What in the world would I be thinking?

Apa yang saya pikirkan?

And by extravagant, I mean over the top,

'Berlimpah' maksudnya adalah melakukan lebih dari cukup.

not just checking a box.

We can all remember when we were kids

Dulu, ketika orang tua kita memaksa kita meminta maaf

and our parents forced us to apologize to somebody

and we walked up to them and said, (Angrily) "I'm sorry."

kepada orang lain dan kita meminta maaf dengan marah.

We just got it over with, right?

Dan itu selesai, bukan?

That's not what we're talking about.

Bukan itu maksud saya.

Maksud saya adalah melakukannya dengan tulus.

What we're talking about is not having to give someone grace

but choosing to and wanting to.

That's how we exchange extravagant grace.

Itulah cara kita bertukar rahmat berlimpah.

Listen, I know this can sound really, really theoretical.

Saya tahu ini terdengar sangat teoretis.

So I'd like to tell you about a hero of mine.

Jadi, saya mau bercerita tentang pahlawan saya.

A hero of grace.

Pahlawan rahmat.

It's 2014.

Tahun 2014, di Iran.

In Iran.

And the mother of a murdered son is in a public square.

Ibu dari seorang anak yang dibunuh sedang berada di alun-alun.

The man who murdered her son is also in that square,

Pria yang membunuh anak itu juga di sana, digantung di tiang,

by a gallows,

on a chair of some kind,

berdiri di atas kursi, dengan leher dijerat dan mata ditutup.

a noose around his neck

and a blindfold over his eyes.

Samereh Alinejad

Samereh Alinejad telah diberi hak resmi untuk memaafkan atau membunuh pria ini.

had been given the sole right under the laws of her country

to either pardon this man

or initiate his execution.

Put another way, she could pardon him

Dalam kata lain, dia bisa memaafkannya atau mendorong kursi di bawah kakinya.

or literally push that chair out from underneath his feet.

(Exhales)

(Hembusan napas)

I just ...

Saya tak bisa bayangkan kepedihan yang dirasakan Samereh dan si pria saat itu.

I can't picture the agony going through both Samereh and this man

at the time.

Samereh with her choice to make,

Samereh bingung memilih, dan pria itu hanya menangis memohon maaf.

and this man, in the account that I read, was just weeping,

just begging for forgiveness.

And Samereh had a choice.

Samereh punya pilihan.

And she chose in that moment to walk up to this man

Saat itu, dia memilih untuk berjalan ke pria itu dan menampar wajahnya.

and to slap him right across the face.

And that signaled her pardon.

Itu menandakan penerimaan maafnya.

It gets better.

Situasi membaik.

Right afterwards, somebody asked her,

Setelah itu, ia diwawancarai dan ia berkata,

they interviewed her, and she was quoted as saying,

"I felt as if rage vanished from within my heart

[Saya merasa seakan-akan amarah hilang dari hati saya,

and the blood in my veins began to flow again."

dan darah di nadi saya mulai mengalir lagi.]

Isn't that incredible?

Bukankah itu luar biasa?

I mean, what a picture of grace, what a hero of grace.

Benar-benar sebuah gambaran rahmat, pahlawan rahmat.

And there's a lesson in there for all of us.

Dan itulah pelajaran untuk kita semua.

That as theologian John Piper said,

Kata teolog John Piper,

"Grace is power, not just pardon."

[Rahmat adalah kekuatan, bukan hanya memaafkan.]

And if you think about it,

Rahmat adalah hadiah dari kita untuk orang lain

grace is the gift we give someone else in a relationship

that says our relationship is way more important

yang berkata hubungan kita lebih penting dari apa pun yang memisahkan kita.

than the things that separate us.

And if you really think about it some more,

Jika Anda pikirkan lebih dalam,

we all have the power to execute in our relationships,

kita semua memiliki kekuatan untuk mengakhiri atau memaafkan hubungan kita.

or to pardon.

We never did find out the identity of our anonymous neighbor.

Kami tak pernah tahu identitas tetangga anonim kami.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

But if we did, I'd hope we'd simply say,

Jika kami tahu, kami akan bertanya, "Bisakah kita minum kopi?"

"Can we have coffee?"

And maybe there's somebody you need to have coffee with

Mungkin ada orang yang perlu Anda ajak minum kopi

and find your common ground with them.

dan carilah kesamaan dengan mereka.

Or maybe there's somebody you're in a relationship with

Atau mungkin ada seseorang dalam hubungan Anda

and you need to exchange extravagant grace.

yang perlu saling memberi rahmat berlimpah.

Maybe go first.

Mungkin dimulai dari Anda.

These two strategies have taught me

Kedua strategi ini mengajarkan cara berbagi rahmat berlimpah dalam hubungan.

how to exchange extravagant grace in my relationships

and to enjoy the beautiful design of my neighbors.

Dan untuk menikmati desain indah tetangga saya.

I want to continue to choose relationships over agonism.

Saya ingin terus memilih hubungan daripada agonisme.

Will you choose to join me?

Akankah Anda juga?

Thank you.

Terima kasih.

(Applause)

(Tepukan tangan)