Nina Westbrook: How to support yourself (and others) through grief | TED

Transcriber:

Reviewer: Hafizh Alfarisi

[Cara Mengatasi Perasaan yang Rumit]

Cloe Shasha Brooks: Hello, TED Community,

you are watching a TED interview series

Chloe Shasha Brooks: Hai, TED Community.

called How to Deal with Difficult Feelings.

Kau sedang menyaksikan seri wawancara TED

I’m your host, Cloe Shasha Brooks, and a curator at TED.

berjudul “Cara Mengatasi Perasaan yang Rumit”.

This past year has been full of both personal and collective grief.

Aku adalah pembawa acaranya dan kurator di TED, Chloe Shasha Brooks.

And this grief has taken many forms.

Setahun belakangan ini, kita dan semua orang tengah dilanda duka.

And to dive deeper into the world of understanding and managing grief,

Duka ini muncul dalam beragam bentuk.

Untuk menjelajahi lebih dalam cara memahami dan mengelola rasa duka,

I'll be speaking first with Nina Westbrook,

a marriage and family therapist who has supported clients through loss.

aku akan berbincang dengan Nina Westbrook,

terapis pernikahan dan keluarga yang telah membantu banyak klien melewati masa duka.

Hi, Nina.

Nina Westbrook: Hi, Cloe, good to see you.

Hai, Nina.

Thank you so much for having me.

Nina Westbrook: Hai, Cloe, senang bertemu denganmu.

CSB: Thanks for joining us.

Terima kasih sudah mengundangku.

Nina, you have talked about how grief can be about the loss of people

CSB: Terima kasih sudah bergabung.

Nina, kau pernah membahas bagaimana duka

and tangible things.

But that it can also be about the loss of dreams,

dapat berupa kehilangan seseorang atau sesuatu yang berwujud.

something that many people have experienced over the past year.

Namun, duka bisa pula karena kehilangan mimpi,

Can you give me some examples of grieving for lost dreams

kondisi yang banyak dialami orang-orang setahun belakangan ini.

and talk about what it means to experience this kind of grief?

Bisakah kau memberi contoh duka atas kehilangan mimpi

dan jelaskan apa artinya mengalami duka semacam ini?

NW: Absolutely.

I believe that grief can take so many different forms,

NW: Tentu.

Rasa duka bisa muncul dalam bentuk yang berbeda-beda.

and I think oftentimes when we think about grief,

we associate it with the emotional process

Kurasa sering kali saat memikirkan rasa duka,

kita menghubungkannya dengan reaksi emosional yang terjadi

that takes place when we're coping with the death of a loved one.

I don't know.

saat kita memproses kematian seseorang yang kita cintai.

It's just not as common to associate grief

Aku tidak yakin.

or correlate grief with the loss of a dream.

Jarang sekali rasa duka dihubungkan atau disamakan dengan kehilangan mimpi.

So when you think about dreams and when they begin

Ketika kau memikirkan mimpi dan kapan mimpi itu dimulai,

and how deeply they're rooted into our daily lives and our routines

seberapa dalam mimpi itu mengakar di keseharian dan rutinitas kita,

and how much our dreams

dan seberapa besar mimpi itu

determine our decision-making process

and the choices that we make throughout the course of our lives,

menentukan cara kita memutuskan

serta membuat pilihan di sepanjang hidup kita,

they hold a pretty significant amount of space

in our minds and in our hearts.

maka mimpi menjadi begitu penting di dalam pikiran dan hati kita.

Imagine a child who,

you know, from a young age, we begin to dream

Bayangkan seorang anak yang sejak kecil mulai bermimpi.

and they begin to dream about becoming an astronaut one day

and walking on the moon or becoming a professional athlete.

Dia bermimpi menjadi astronot yang berjalan di bulan kelak

And then as we grow older,

atau menjadi atlet profesional.

we begin to focus in on what our needs are

Seiring bertambahnya usia,

dia mulai berfokus pada kebutuhan dan keinginannya.

and what our wants are,

and our dreams begin to look more like acquiring our dream careers

Mimpinya pun berubah menjadi mengejar karier impian

or job positions or opening businesses,

atau posisi pekerjaan tertentu, memulai suatu bisnis,

having children or finding love.

And the reality is that these dreams do not always work out

punya anak atau menemukan pasangan.

Kenyataannya, semua tidak selalu berjalan sesuai mimpi

and manifest themselves in a way that we have imagined, right?

And that can be so devastating for so many people.

maupun terwujud sesuai dengan apa yang kita bayangkan.

Kondisi itu bisa terasa menyakitkan bagi kebanyakan orang.

The loss of careers and jobs

or our divorces, the loss of relationships,

Hilangnya karier dan pekerjaan,

or infertility can all be extremely devastating things

perceraian, putusnya hubungan, atau keguguran

and those types of devastating events

dapat menjadi pengalaman yang sangat menyedihkan.

propel you into the emotional process

Pengalaman menyakitkan semacam itu

dapat mendorongmu dalam proses emosional yang terjadi selama kau berduka.

that takes place during grief.

CSB: Let's bring a question up from the audience.

What are comforting things to do or say when someone is grieving?

CSB: Ada pertanyaan dari penonton.

So I guess someone else in this case.

Apa yang bisa dilakukan atau dikatakan kepada orang yang sedang berduka?

NW: That's a really amazing question.

Kali ini yang berduka orang lain.

A lot of the time, simply being present

NW: Pertanyaan yang bagus.

and offering support and encouragement

Sering kali, berada di dekat mereka

dan menawarkan bantuan serta semangat

is really going to be important

menjadi sangat penting

when you're trying to support someone else through their grief.

I think communication is also important,

saat kau memberi dukungan bagi seseorang yang sedang berduka.

asking that person,

Menurutku, komunikasi itu juga penting.

"What can I do,"

or "What do you need from me in this moment

Tanyakan kepadanya, “Apa yang bisa kulakukan?”

and how can I best support you,"

atau “Apa yang bisa kubantu sekarang dan bagaimana sebaiknya aku membantumu?”

is kind of going to be the best way to figure out how to support this person.

Pertanyaan ini jadi cara terbaik agar kita tahu bagaimana mendukungnya.

Sometimes they just want someone to listen to.

Sometimes they need someone to make them laugh or to help, you know,

Kadang mereka hanya ingin didengarkan.

Kadang mereka memerlukan seseorang untuk menghibur atau menolong mereka

keep them distracted for a moment

supaya pikiran mereka teralihkan sejenak.

or sometimes they just need someone to be around them.

It just really depends on the person,

Kadang mereka cuma membutuhkan kehadiran seseorang.

since grief is so subjective in the way that we go through it.

Kembali lagi ke orangnya

CSB: Totally.

karena tiap orang menghadapi duka dengan cara yang berbeda-beda.

And let's go right into some strategies, too.

So I'm sure you have strategies for managing the grief of lost dreams.

CSB: Tentunya.

Mari bahas strateginya juga.

Kau pasti punya beberapa strategi untuk menangani duka atas kehilangan mimpi.

How do people pick themselves back up after that?

NW: You want to give yourself permission to grieve, first off.

Bagaimana seseorang bisa kembali pulih setelah mengalaminya?

And it's not a linear journey,

NW: Kau perlu membiarkan dirimu berduka dulu.

there is going to be lots of ups and downs that take place.

Proses ini tidak selalu mulus.

Ada banyak naik turunnya.

Some days you're going to be OK and some days you might cry

Kau bisa merasa baik-baik saja sekarang dan kau bisa saja menangis nanti.

and sometimes you might go a month without crying.

And then one day everything comes crashing down all at once.

Kadang kau tidak menangis selama sebulan.

Lalu, suatu waktu, semuanya muncul dan menyerang secara serempak.

It's just a matter of giving yourself permission to go through these feelings

Kau perlu membiarkan dirimu mengalami perasaan-perasaan ini

and knowing and reassuring yourself that this is OK and it's normal.

sembari menenangkan diri dan memahami bahwa proses ini wajar adanya.

And also keeping in mind

that it's OK to feel joy even in those moments of sadness

Kau juga perlu ingat bahwa

kau berhak merasakan kebahagiaan, sekalipun saat kau sedih

that you're going to experience when you're grieving.

The other thing that I think is really important

karena kau mengalami duka.

Hal lain yang menurutku penting adalah

is just to be proactive in the grieving process.

Don't ignore your grief.

bersikaplah proaktif selama proses berduka.

You can seek support.

You can't be afraid to ask for support

Jangan abaikan rasa dukamu.

Kau dapat mencari dukungan.

or lean on others, people that you trust,

Jangan takut meminta bantuan atau bergantung pada orang yang kau percayai,

friends, family members, coworkers, whomever it may be for support.

teman, anggota keluarga, rekan kerja, siapa pun yang dapat memberi dukungan.

And then making a plan, making a new plan.

Mourning happens over time.

Kemudian, buatlah rencana baru.

What it's doing, what we're doing,

Masa berkabung berlangsung selama rentang waktu tertentu.

and all of the emotions that were going through

Yang perlu dilakukan, yang kita lakukan

during that mourning process

terhadap semua emosi yang kita alami selama proses berduka itu

is we're literally detaching ourselves emotionally from the dream

adalah melepaskan diri secara emosional

that we are mourning

or from the object that we're mourning.

dari mimpi yang membuat kita berduka

And what that's doing is opening yourself up

atau dari hal yang membuat kita berduka.

and making space for new dreams

Kita tinggal membuka diri kita kembali

and new experiences and new opportunities in the future.

dan membuat ruang untuk mimpi yang baru,

pengalaman baru, dan kesempatan baru di masa depan.

So goal setting and planning is going to be key.

Maka, menyiapkan dan merencanakan tujuan merupakan tindakan vital.

A lot of the time we really focus on plan A.

So this is a great time to pivot

Kita sebelumnya banyak berfokus pada rencana A.

and focus on planning for a new future and a new outcome.

Sekaranglah waktu terbaik untuk berfokus pada

perencanaan masa depan dan pencapaian yang baru.

CSB: Absolutely.

And just one final quick question for you,

which is that sometimes people get mad at themselves

CSB: Benar sekali.

Satu pertanyaan terakhir untukmu.

for not getting over their grief.

What would you say to those people?

Kadang, orang-orang marah sendiri karena tak bisa berhenti berduka.

NW: It's really important to keep healing at the forefront of your mind.

Apa nasihatmu untuk mereka?

NW: Kita harus selalu ingat bahwa kita mesti terus memulihkan diri.

And I think that understanding the grief process

Menurutku, selagi memahami proses berduka

and going through the ups and downs

and knowing that that's all a part of it,

dan melalui momen naik turun sambil memahami bila semua bagian dari proses,

you have to be patient with yourself,

you have to give yourself grace

and understand that you're going to have good days,

kau perlu bersabar dengan dirimu dan mengasihani dirimu.

you're going to have bad days.

Pahamilah bahwa hari-harimu bisa baik-baik saja dan bisa buruk pula.

But when it all comes down to it,

if you're keeping the idea of healing in the forefront,

Begitu mengalaminya,

jika kau terus ingat pentingnya memulihkan diri sendiri,

then you can focus your energy and your time into that process

kau pun bisa memfokuskan energi dan waktu pada proses ini.

and going through it in a way that is productive

to your emotional well-being in the future.

Kau juga menjalaninya hingga menghasilkan kesejahteraan emosional bagi dirimu kelak.

CSB: Wonderful.

Well, thank you so much for this conversation, Nina.

We have come to the end,

CSB: Menakjubkan.

Terima kasih banyak untuk diskusi ini, Nina.

but really grateful to you for joining us.

Sampai sini perbincangan kita.

Take care.

NW: Thank you so much for having me. Take care.

Terima kasih sudah bergabung bersama kami.

Jaga dirimu.

NW: Terima kasih sudah mengundangku. Jaga dirimu.