Nina Westbrook: How to support yourself (and others) through grief | TED

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2021-07-22・ 1446    35


Visit http://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more. In big and small ways, we all experience loss: whether it's the passing of a loved one, the close of a career or even the end of a dream. Explaining how to process many types of sorrow, marriage and family therapist Nina Westbrook highlights the importance of grief as a natural emotion and a powerful lens to help you imagine new futures -- and shares ways to support yourself and others through difficult times. (This conversation, hosted by TED curator Cloe Shasha Brooks, is part of TED's "How to Deal with Difficult Feelings" series.) The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know. Become a TED Member: http://ted.com/membership Follow TED on Twitter: http://twitter.com/TEDTalks Like TED on Facebook: http://facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: http://youtube.com/TED TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

Instruction

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00:00
Transcriber:
Traductor: Martin Bermudez Revisor: Sebastian Betti
Cloe Shasha Brooks: Querida comunidad de TED,
00:05
Cloe Shasha Brooks: Hello, TED Community,
están viendo una serie entrevistas de TED
00:07
you are watching a TED interview series
00:09
called How to Deal with Difficult Feelings.
llamada Cómo lidiar con sentimientos difíciles.
00:11
I’m your host, Cloe Shasha Brooks, and a curator at TED.
Soy su presentadora, Cloe Shasha Brooks, y curadora de TED.
00:14
This past year has been full of both personal and collective grief.
Este último año ha estado lleno de duelo individual y colectivo.
00:18
And this grief has taken many forms.
Y este duelo ha tomado muchas formas.
00:21
And to dive deeper into the world of understanding and managing grief,
Para profundizar más en el mundo de la comprensión y el manejo del duelo,
00:25
I'll be speaking first with Nina Westbrook,
hablaré primero con Nina Westbrook,
00:27
a marriage and family therapist who has supported clients through loss.
terapeuta de pareja y familia que ha apoyado a los clientes en la pérdida.
00:32
Hi, Nina.
Hola, Nina.
00:34
Nina Westbrook: Hi, Cloe, good to see you.
Nina Westbrook: Hola, Cloe, me alegro de verte.
00:37
Thank you so much for having me.
Muchas gracias por invitarme.
00:39
CSB: Thanks for joining us.
CSB: Gracias por acompañarnos.
00:41
Nina, you have talked about how grief can be about the loss of people
Nina, has hablado de cómo el duelo puede tratarse de la pérdida de personas
00:45
and tangible things.
y cosas tangibles.
00:46
But that it can also be about the loss of dreams,
Que también se trata de la pérdida de sueños,
00:49
something that many people have experienced over the past year.
algo que muchas personas han experimentado durante el último año.
00:52
Can you give me some examples of grieving for lost dreams
¿Puedes darme unos ejemplos de duelo por sueños perdidos
00:55
and talk about what it means to experience this kind of grief?
y hablar sobre lo que significa experimentar este tipo de duelo?
00:59
NW: Absolutely.
NW: Por supuesto.
01:00
I believe that grief can take so many different forms,
Creo que el duelo puede tomar muchas formas diferentes,
01:06
and I think oftentimes when we think about grief,
y creo que a menudo, cuando pensamos en el duelo,
01:09
we associate it with the emotional process
lo asociamos con el proceso emocional
01:14
that takes place when we're coping with the death of a loved one.
que se lleva a cabo cuando lidiamos con la muerte de un ser querido.
01:18
I don't know.
No sé.
01:19
It's just not as common to associate grief
No es tan común asociar el duelo
01:22
or correlate grief with the loss of a dream.
o correlacionar el duelo con la pérdida de un sueño.
01:25
So when you think about dreams and when they begin
Si piensas en los sueños y cuándo comienzan
01:29
and how deeply they're rooted into our daily lives and our routines
y qué tan profundamente arraigados están en nuestra vida diaria y nuestras rutinas
01:35
and how much our dreams
y cuánto nuestros sueños
01:40
determine our decision-making process
determinan nuestro proceso de toma de decisiones
01:44
and the choices that we make throughout the course of our lives,
y las elecciones que hacemos a lo largo de nuestras vidas,
01:48
they hold a pretty significant amount of space
ocupan una cantidad significativa de espacio
01:50
in our minds and in our hearts.
en nuestras mentes y corazones.
01:52
Imagine a child who,
Imagina a un niño que,
01:54
you know, from a young age, we begin to dream
ya sabes, desde muy joven, comenzamos a soñar
01:56
and they begin to dream about becoming an astronaut one day
y ellos comienzan a soñar con algún día llegar a ser astronautas
01:59
and walking on the moon or becoming a professional athlete.
y caminar en la luna o atletas profesionales.
02:03
And then as we grow older,
Y luego, cuando envejecemos,
02:05
we begin to focus in on what our needs are
comenzamos a enfocarnos en cuáles son nuestras necesidades
02:09
and what our wants are,
y cuáles son nuestros deseos,
02:11
and our dreams begin to look more like acquiring our dream careers
y nuestros sueños comienzan a parecerse más a seguir una carrera
02:17
or job positions or opening businesses,
o conseguir el trabajo de nuestros sueños o abrir negocios,
02:21
having children or finding love.
tener hijos o encontrar el amor.
02:24
And the reality is that these dreams do not always work out
Y la realidad es que estos sueños no siempre funcionan
02:29
and manifest themselves in a way that we have imagined, right?
ni se manifiestan de la manera que hemos imaginado, ¿verdad?
02:33
And that can be so devastating for so many people.
Y eso puede ser muy devastador para muchas personas.
02:37
The loss of careers and jobs
La pérdida de carreras y trabajos
02:40
or our divorces, the loss of relationships,
o nuestros divorcios, la pérdida de relaciones
02:44
or infertility can all be extremely devastating things
o la infertilidad pueden ser cosas extremadamente devastadoras
02:49
and those types of devastating events
y ese tipo de eventos devastadores
02:53
propel you into the emotional process
lo impulsan al proceso emocional
02:57
that takes place during grief.
que se lleva a cabo durante el duelo.
02:59
CSB: Let's bring a question up from the audience.
CSB: Hagamos una pregunta de la audiencia.
03:02
What are comforting things to do or say when someone is grieving?
¿Qué podemos hacer o decir para reconfortar a alguien en duelo?
03:05
So I guess someone else in this case.
Supongo que alguien más en este caso.
03:07
NW: That's a really amazing question.
NW: Esa es una pregunta realmente increíble.
03:10
A lot of the time, simply being present
La mayor parte del tiempo, simplemente estar presente
03:13
and offering support and encouragement
y ofrecer ayuda y aliento
03:18
is really going to be important
será realmente importante
03:22
when you're trying to support someone else through their grief.
cuando intentes ayudar a otra persona en su duelo.
03:25
I think communication is also important,
Creo que la comunicación también es importante,
03:28
asking that person,
preguntarle a esa persona,
03:30
"What can I do,"
“Qué puedo hacer,”
03:31
or "What do you need from me in this moment
o “Qué necesitas de mí en este momento
03:34
and how can I best support you,"
y cómo puedo ayudarte mejor”,
03:36
is kind of going to be the best way to figure out how to support this person.
será la mejor manera de descubrir cómo ayudar a esta persona.
03:41
Sometimes they just want someone to listen to.
A veces solo quieren que alguien los escuche.
03:45
Sometimes they need someone to make them laugh or to help, you know,
A veces necesitan a alguien que los haga reír o que los ayude,
03:49
keep them distracted for a moment
que los mantenga distraídos por un momento
03:53
or sometimes they just need someone to be around them.
o, a veces, solo necesitan a alguien que los rodee.
03:56
It just really depends on the person,
Realmente depende de la persona,
03:58
since grief is so subjective in the way that we go through it.
ya que el duelo es tan subjetivo en la forma en que lo vivimos.
04:01
CSB: Totally.
CSB: Totalmente.
04:03
And let's go right into some strategies, too.
Pasemos a algunas estrategias también.
04:05
So I'm sure you have strategies for managing the grief of lost dreams.
Estoy segura de que tienes estrategias para manejar el duelo de sueños perdidos.
04:10
How do people pick themselves back up after that?
¿Cómo se recupera la gente después de eso?
04:13
NW: You want to give yourself permission to grieve, first off.
NW: Primero que nada, debes darte permiso para llorar.
04:16
And it's not a linear journey,
Y no es un viaje lineal,
04:18
there is going to be lots of ups and downs that take place.
habrá muchos altibajos.
04:22
Some days you're going to be OK and some days you might cry
Algunos días estarás bien y otros días es posible que llores
04:26
and sometimes you might go a month without crying.
y, a veces, es posible que pases un mes sin llorar.
04:29
And then one day everything comes crashing down all at once.
Y luego, un día, todo se derrumba a la vez.
04:33
It's just a matter of giving yourself permission to go through these feelings
Es solo cuestión de darse permiso para lidiar con estos sentimientos
04:38
and knowing and reassuring yourself that this is OK and it's normal.
y saber y asegurarse de que esto está bien y es normal.
04:43
And also keeping in mind
Y también teniendo en cuenta
04:46
that it's OK to feel joy even in those moments of sadness
que está bien sentir alegría incluso en esos momentos de tristeza
04:51
that you're going to experience when you're grieving.
que vas a experimentar cuando estés de duelo.
04:54
The other thing that I think is really important
La otra cosa que creo que es realmente importante
04:58
is just to be proactive in the grieving process.
es ser proactivos en el proceso de duelo.
05:02
Don't ignore your grief.
No ignores tu duelo.
05:03
You can seek support.
Puedes buscar ayuda.
05:05
You can't be afraid to ask for support
No puedes tener miedo de pedir ayuda
05:08
or lean on others, people that you trust,
o apoyarse en otras personas, personas en las que confías,
05:12
friends, family members, coworkers, whomever it may be for support.
amigos, familiares, compañeros de trabajo, quienquiera que sea para obtener ayuda.
05:17
And then making a plan, making a new plan.
Y luego hacer un plan, hacer un plan nuevo.
05:20
Mourning happens over time.
El duelo se produce con el tiempo.
05:23
What it's doing, what we're doing,
Lo que hace, lo que hacemos,
05:25
and all of the emotions that were going through
y todas las emociones que experimentamos
05:27
during that mourning process
durante ese proceso de duelo
05:29
is we're literally detaching ourselves emotionally from the dream
es que, literalmente y emocionalmente, nos estamos separando del sueño
05:36
that we are mourning
por el que estamos de duelo
05:37
or from the object that we're mourning.
o del objeto por el que estamos de duelo.
05:40
And what that's doing is opening yourself up
Y lo que está haciendo es abrirse
05:43
and making space for new dreams
y hacer espacio para nuevos sueños
05:46
and new experiences and new opportunities in the future.
y nuevas experiencias y nuevas oportunidades en el futuro.
05:50
So goal setting and planning is going to be key.
El establecimiento de objetivos y la planificación serán clave.
05:55
A lot of the time we really focus on plan A.
La mayor parte del tiempo nos centramos realmente en el plan A.
05:58
So this is a great time to pivot
Este es un buen momento para pivotar
06:01
and focus on planning for a new future and a new outcome.
y centrarse en la planificación de un nuevo futuro y un nuevo resultado.
06:08
CSB: Absolutely.
CSB: Por supuesto.
06:10
And just one final quick question for you,
Y solo una última pregunta rápida para ti,
06:12
which is that sometimes people get mad at themselves
que es que a veces la gente se enoja consigo misma
06:15
for not getting over their grief.
por no superar su dolor.
06:16
What would you say to those people?
¿Qué le dirías a esa gente?
06:18
NW: It's really important to keep healing at the forefront of your mind.
NW: Es muy importante mantener la curación en la vanguardia de su mente.
06:23
And I think that understanding the grief process
Y creo que entender el proceso de duelo
06:29
and going through the ups and downs
y pasar por los altibajos
06:31
and knowing that that's all a part of it,
y saber que todo eso es parte de ello,
06:33
you have to be patient with yourself,
debes ser paciente contigo mismo,
06:35
you have to give yourself grace
tienes que perdonarte
06:37
and understand that you're going to have good days,
y entender que vas a tener buenos días,
06:39
you're going to have bad days.
vas a tener días malos.
06:41
But when it all comes down to it,
Pero cuando todo se reduce a eso,
06:43
if you're keeping the idea of healing in the forefront,
si mantienes la idea de la curación en primer plano,
06:47
then you can focus your energy and your time into that process
entonces puedes enfocar tu energía y tu tiempo en ese proceso
06:53
and going through it in a way that is productive
y pasarlo de una manera que sea productiva
06:55
to your emotional well-being in the future.
para tu bienestar emocional en el futuro.
06:59
CSB: Wonderful.
CSB: Maravilloso.
07:00
Well, thank you so much for this conversation, Nina.
Bueno, muchas gracias por esta conversación, Nina.
07:02
We have come to the end,
Hemos llegado al final,
07:04
but really grateful to you for joining us.
pero estoy muy agradecida por acompañarnos.
07:06
Take care.
Cuídate.
07:07
NW: Thank you so much for having me. Take care.
NW: Muchas gracias por invitarme. Cuídate.
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