True Love — and the Myth of “Happily Ever After” | Francesca Hogi | TED

The fairytale industrial complex has been lying to you.

Through a pervasive web of marketing,

advertising, music, movies and more,

it's said that while you can't buy love,

you can buy your worthiness of being loved.

Its comodofication of romantic love as a storybook fantasy

can be summed up in three simple words:

"Happily ever after."

Happiness, forever.

If only you're lucky enough

and good enough and good-looking enough

to be chosen by a high-status partner,

ideally in a romantic comedy-worthy moment.

Over the last 10 years,

I have spoken to thousands of people about their romantic hopes and dreams,

and I can report that for many,

their vision of an ideal relationship

is straight out of the fairytale fantasy playbook.

Which is no wonder,

given that "happily ever after" is used to sell us everything,

from makeup to cars to chewing gum.

We've incorporated this propaganda

into our real-life approach to relationships,

which disconnects us from love,

which disconnects us from self-worth

and causes genuine confusion about compatibility.

Instead of making us feel that love is an abundant,

infinitely renewable resource inside of us, which it is,

it tries to convince us that love is external and scarce.

It's time to consider a new possibility for our collective romantic future.

One that centers self-love, self-worth

and prioritizes making romantic choices

in alignment with our authentic values.

No purchase required.

Despite what you've been told,

each of us holds the keys to true love.

A true-love relationship, as I define it,

has the foundational values of love,

respect, intimacy, safety, commitment, adoration and joy.

When you approach romantic love from this foundation,

you empower yourself to transcend the shallow fantasy of love

you've been sold for so long.

With sincere intention,

the courage to open your heart to be vulnerable

and the cultivation of dating and love skills,

true love can be a reality for all.

How could it be any other way?

You are a born love genius.

You were born knowing how to love.

All of the love that you've ever experienced

and ever will experience

is inside of you right now.

The more that we cultivate the love within,

the better it is for everyone.

That's because how we each individually approach love

contributes to how we all collectively experience it.

We have the opportunity to transcend the manipulations

of the fairytale industrial complex

and embrace a brighter, more intentional,

more inclusive romantic future for all.

One that sees us all as worthy without exception.

Thank you.

(Applause)