3 steps to turn everyday get-togethers into transformative gatherings | Priya Parker

143,599 views ใƒป 2019-07-15

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ูŠุฑุฌู‰ ุงู„ู†ู‚ุฑ ู†ู‚ุฑู‹ุง ู…ุฒุฏูˆุฌู‹ุง ููˆู‚ ุงู„ุชุฑุฌู…ุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ ุฃุฏู†ุงู‡ ู„ุชุดุบูŠู„ ุงู„ููŠุฏูŠูˆ.

ุงู„ู…ุชุฑุฌู…: Ayman Hosny ุงู„ู…ุฏู‚ู‘ู‚: Fatima Zahra El Hafa
00:13
When I was a child,
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ุญูŠู† ูƒู†ุชู ุทูู„ุฉู‹ุŒ
00:14
every other Friday,
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ู…ุฑู‘ุฉ ูƒู„ ูŠูˆู…ูŽูŠ ุฌูู…ุนุฉุŒ
00:15
I would leave my mother and stepfather's home --
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ูƒู†ุช ุฃุบุงุฏุฑ ุจูŠุช ุฃู…ูŠ ูˆุฒูˆุฌู‡ุง...
00:18
an Indian and British, atheist, Buddhist,
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ูˆู‡ูˆ ุจูŠุชูŒ ู‡ู†ุฏูŠูŒ ูˆุจุฑูŠุทุงู†ูŠูŒุŒ ูˆู…ู„ุญุฏุŒ ูˆู‡ู†ุฏูˆุณูŠุŒ
00:23
agnostic, vegetarian, new age-y sometimes,
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ูˆู„ุงุฏูŠู†ูŠุŒ ูˆู†ุจุงุชูŠุŒ ูˆุฑููˆุญูŠูŒ ุฃุญูŠุงู†ู‹ุงุŒ
00:29
Democratic household.
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ูˆูŠูุคูŠ ุฃุณุฑุฉ ุฏูŠู…ู‚ุฑุงุทูŠุฉ.
00:31
And I would go 1.4 miles to my father and stepmother's home
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ูˆูƒู†ุชูุŒ ุฃูŠุถู‹ุงุŒ ุฃุฐู‡ุจ 1,4 ู…ูŠู„ู‹ุง ู„ุจูŠุช ุฃุจูŠ ูˆูŽุฒุฌุชูู‡
00:35
and enter a white, Evangelical Christian,
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ูˆุงู„ุฏุฎูˆู„ ููŠ ู„ู‚ุงุก ู…ุน ุนุงุฆู„ุฉ ุจูŠุถุงุกุŒ ูˆุฅู†ุฌูŠู„ูŠุฉ
00:39
conservative, Republican,
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ูˆู…ูุญุงููุธุฉุŒ ูˆุฌู…ู‡ูˆุฑูŠู‘ุฉ
00:42
twice-a-week-churchgoing,
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ูˆุชุฐู‡ุจ ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ูƒู†ูŠุณุฉ ู…ุฑุชูŠู† ุฃุณุจูˆุนูŠู‹ุงุŒ
00:44
meat-eating family.
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ูˆุบูŠุฑ ู†ุจุงุชูŠุฉ.
00:47
It doesn't take a shrink to explain how I ended up
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ู„ุง ูŠุชุทู„ุจ ุงู„ุฃู…ุฑ ุทุจูŠุจู‹ุง ู†ูุณูŠู‹ุง ู„ุจูŠุงู† ูƒูŠู ุฃูุถุช ุจูŠ ุงู„ุญุงู„
00:50
in the field of conflict resolution.
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ููŠ ู…ุฌุงู„ ูุถ ุงู„ู†ุฒุงุน.
00:52
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
00:54
Whether I was facilitating dialogues in Charlottesville or Istanbul
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ุณูˆุงุก ูƒู†ุช ุฃู†ุณู‚ู ุญูˆุงุฑุงุช ููŠ ุดุงุฑู„ูˆุชุณููŠู„ ุฃูˆ ููŠ ุฅุณุทู†ุจูˆู„
00:57
or Ahmedabad,
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ุฃูˆ ููŠ ุฃุญู…ุฏ ุฃุจุงุฏุŒ
00:59
the challenge was always the same:
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ูƒุงู† ุงู„ุชุญุฏูŠ ุฏุงุฆู…ู‹ุง ู‡ูˆูŽ ู‡ูˆูŽ:
01:02
despite all odds,
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ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฑุบู… ู…ู† ูƒู„ ุงู„ุตุนุงุจุŒ
01:03
and with integrity,
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ูˆุจูƒู„ ู†ุฒุงู‡ุฉุŒ
01:05
how do you get people to connect meaningfully,
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ูƒูŠู ุชุฌุนู„ ุงู„ุขุฎุฑูŠู† ูŠุญู‚ู‚ูˆู† ุชูˆุงุตู„ู‹ุง ุฐุง ู…ุนู†ู‰ุŒ
01:08
to take risks,
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ูˆูŠูˆุงุฌู‡ูˆู† ุงู„ู…ุฎุงุทุฑุŒ
01:09
to be changed by their experience?
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ูˆูŠุชุบูŠุฑูˆู† ู…ู† ุฎู„ุงู„ ุฎุจุฑุชู‡ู…ุŸ
01:13
And I would witness extraordinarily beautiful electricity in those rooms.
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ูƒู†ุช ุดุงู‡ุฏุฉู‹ ุนู„ู‰ ุฃุฌูˆุงุก ุญู…ูŠู…ุฉ ูˆุบูŠุฑ ู…ุณุจูˆู‚ุฉ ููŠ ุชู„ูƒ ุงู„ุบุฑู
01:19
And then I would leave those rooms
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01:21
and attend my everyday gatherings like all of you --
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ูˆุญุถูˆุฑ ู„ู‚ุงุกุงุชูŠ ุงู„ูŠูˆู…ูŠุฉ ูƒุฃูŠ ูˆุงุญุฏ ู…ู†ูƒู…...
01:24
a wedding or a conference or a back-to-school picnic --
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ุญูู„ ุฒูˆุงุฌ ุฃูˆ ู…ุคุชู…ุฑ ุฃูˆ ู†ุฒู‡ุฉ ุจู…ู†ุงุณุจุฉ ุงู„ุนูˆุฏุฉ ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ู…ุฏุฑุณุฉ...
01:27
and many would fall flat.
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ูˆู…ู† ุงู„ู…ุฑุฌุญ ุฃู† ูŠุฎูู‚ ูƒุซูŠุฑูˆู† ููŠ ู‡ุฐุง.
01:30
There was a meaning gap
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ูƒุงู†ุช ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ูุฌูˆุฉ ููŠ ุงู„ู…ุบุฒู‰
01:32
between these high-intensity conflict groups
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ุจูŠู† ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู…ุฌู…ูˆุนุงุช ุจูŠู‘ู†ุฉ ุงู„ุชุถุงุฑุจ
01:34
and my everyday gatherings.
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ูˆุจูŠู† ู„ู‚ุงุกุงุชูŠ ุงู„ูŠูˆู…ูŠุฉ.
01:37
Now, you could say, sure, somebody's birthday party
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ุงู„ุขู†ุŒ ุฑุจู…ุง ุชู‚ูˆู„ุŒ ุจุงู„ุชุฃูƒูŠุฏุŒ ุฅู† ุญูู„ ุนูŠุฏ ู…ูŠู„ุงุฏ ุฃุญุฏู ู…ุง
01:39
isn't going to live up to a race dialogue,
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ู„ู† ูŠูƒูˆู† ุฃูุถู„ูŽ ู…ู† ุฌู„ุณุฉ ู†ู‚ุงุด ุญูˆู„ ุงู„ุนุฑู‚ุŒ
01:42
but that's not what I was responding to.
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ู‘ ู‡ุฐุง ู„ูŠุณ ู…ุง ุฃุชุทุฑู‚ ุฅู„ูŠู‡.
01:45
As a facilitator,
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ูƒู…ูู†ุณูู‚ุ› ูŠุนู†ูŠ ุฃู†ูƒ ู‚ุฏ ุชุนู„ู…ุชูŽ
01:47
you're taught to strip everything away
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ุชุฌุงู‡ู„ ูƒู„ ุดูŠุกุŒ
01:49
and focus on the interaction between people,
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ูˆุงู„ุชุฑูƒูŠุฒ ูู‚ุท ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุชูุงุนู„ ุจูŠู† ุงู„ู†ุงุณุŒ
01:52
whereas everyday hosts focus on getting the things right --
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ููŠ ุญูŠู† ุฃู† ุงู„ู…ุถูŠู ุงู„ุนุงุฏูŠุŒ ูŠู†ุตุจ ุชุฑูƒูŠุฒู‡ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุชุฃูƒุฏ ู…ู† ุฃู† ูƒู„ ุดูŠุก ููŠ ู†ุตูŽุงุจูู‡ู...
01:56
the food, the flowers, the fish knives --
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ุงู„ุทุนุงู…ุŒ ูˆุงู„ุฃุฒู‡ุงุฑุŒ ูˆุณูƒุงูƒูŠู† ุงู„ู…ุงุฆุฏุฉ
01:59
and leave the interaction between people largely to chance.
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ูˆุชุฑูƒ ูุฑุตุฉ ุงู„ุชู‚ุงุฑุจ ุจูŠู† ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ุจูŠู† ูŠุฏูŠ ุงู„ุญุธ.
02:03
So I began to wonder how we might change our everyday gatherings
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ู„ุฐู„ูƒุŒ ุจุฏุฃุช ุฃุชุณุงุกู„ ูƒูŠู ูŠู…ูƒู† ู„ู†ุง ุฃู† ู†ุบูŠู‘ุฑ ู„ู‚ุงุกุงุชู†ุง ุงู„ูŠูˆู…ูŠุฉ
02:07
to focus on making meaning by human connection,
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ู…ู† ุฃุฌู„ ุงู„ุชุฑูƒูŠุฒ ุนู„ู‰ ุตูู†ุน ู…ุบุฒู‹ู‰ ุจุงู„ุชูˆุงุตู„ ุงู„ุฅู†ุณุงู†ูŠุŒ
02:12
not obsessing with the canapรฉs.
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ุจู„ุง ู‡ูˆุณ ุจุงู„ุฃู…ูˆุฑ ุงู„ูุฑุนูŠุฉ.
02:15
And I set out and interviewed dozens of brave and unusual hosts --
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ูˆุฃุฌุฑูŠุชู ู…ู‚ุงุจู„ุงุช ู„ู…ุถูŠููŠู† ุดุฌุนุงู† ูˆููˆู‚ ุงู„ุนุงุฏุฉ...
02:19
an Olympic hockey coach, a Cirque du Soleil choreographer,
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ู…ุฏุฑุจ ุฃูˆู„ู…ุจูŠ ู„ู„ู‡ูˆูƒูŠุŒ ูˆู…ุตู…ู… ุฑู‚ุตุงุช ููŠ "ุณูŠุฑูƒ ุฏูˆ ุณูˆู„ูŠู‡"ุŒ
02:22
a rabbi, a camp counselor--
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ูˆุญุงุฎุงู…ุŒ ูˆุฃุฎุตุงุฆูŠ ู…ุนุณูƒุฑุงุช...
02:24
to better understand what creates meaningful
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ู…ู† ุฃุฌู„ ูู‡ู… ุฃูุถู„ ู„ูู…ุง ูŠุฎู„ู‚ ุงู„ู…ุนู†ู‰
02:27
and even transformative gatherings.
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ูˆูŠุฌุนู„ ุงู„ุชุฌู…ู‘ุนุงุช ู…ูุญูู‘ุฒุฉ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุชุบูŠูŠุฑ.
02:29
And I want to share with you some of what I learned today
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ูˆุฃูˆุฏู ุฃู† ุฃุดุงุฑูƒูƒู…ุŒ ุงู„ูŠูˆู…ุŒ ุจุนุถ ู…ุง ุชุนู„ู‘ู…ุชูู‡
02:32
about the new rules of gathering.
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ุจุดุฃู† ุงู„ู‚ูˆุงุนุฏ ุงู„ุฌุฏูŠุฏุฉ ู„ู„ุชุฌู…ุนุงุช.
02:35
So when most people plan a gathering,
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ุญูŠู† ูŠูุฌู‡ู‘ุฒ ุบุงู„ุจูŠุฉ ุงู„ู†ุงุณ ู„ุชุฌู…ู‘ุนูุŒ
02:37
they start with an off-the-rack format.
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ูŠุจุฏุคูˆู† ุจุฅุนุฏุงุฏู‡ ุจุดูƒู„ ูŠูˆุงูู‚ ู…ุง ู‡ูˆ ู…ุชุนุงุฑู ุนู„ูŠู‡.
02:39
Birthday party? Cake and candles.
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ุญูู„ ุนูŠุฏ ู…ูŠู„ุงุฏุŸ ุงู„ูƒุนูƒ ูˆุงู„ุดู…ูˆุน.
02:43
Board meeting?
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ุงุฌุชู…ุงุน ู…ุฌู„ุณ ุชู†ููŠุฐูŠุŸ
02:44
One brown table, 12 white men.
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ู…ู†ุถุฏุฉ ุจูู†ูŠู‘ุฉ ูˆุงุซู†ุง ุนุดุฑ ุฑุฌู„ู‹ุง ุฃุจูŠุถ.
02:46
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
02:51
Assuming the purpose is obvious, we skip too quickly to form.
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ุจุงูุชุฑุงุถ ุฃู† ุงู„ุบุฑุถ ูˆุงุถุญูŒุŒ ูุฅู†ู†ุง ู†ู‚ูุฒ ุณุฑูŠุนู‹ุง ุฌุฏู‹ุง ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุดูƒู„.
02:55
This not only leads to dull and repetitive gatherings,
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ู„ุง ูŠู‚ูˆุฏูู†ุง ู‡ุฐุง ูู‚ุท ุฅู„ู‰ ุชุฌู…ู‘ุนุงุช ู…ูู…ู„ู‘ุฉ ู…ุชูƒุฑุฑุฉุŒ
02:58
it misses a deeper opportunity
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ู‡ ูŠูู‡ุฏุฑ ูุฑุตุฉ ุนู…ูŠู‚ุฉ
03:00
to actually address our needs.
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ู„ุชุญุฏูŠุฏ ุตุงุฏู‚ ู„ุญุงุฌุงุชู†ุง.
03:03
The first step of creating more meaningful everyday gatherings
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ุงู„ุฎุทูˆุฉ ุงู„ุฃูˆู„ู‰ ู„ุจู†ุงุก ุชุฌู…ู‘ุนุงุช ูŠูˆู…ูŠุฉ ู…ููุนู…ุฉ ุจุงู„ู…ุนู†ู‰
03:08
is to embrace a specific disputable purpose.
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ู‡ูˆ ุงุนุชู†ุงู‚ ุบุฑุถู ู…ุญุฏุฏู ูˆู…ุฑู†ู ูˆู‚ุงุจู„ู ู„ู„ู†ู‚ุงุด.
03:13
An expectant mother I know was dreading her baby shower.
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ุฃุนุฑู ุฃูู…ู‘ูŽุง ุนู„ู‰ ูˆุดู’ูƒ ุงู„ูˆูู„ุงุฏุฉ ูƒุงู†ุช ุชูุฒุน ู…ู† ุชู†ุธูŠู… ุญูู„ ุงุณุชู‚ุจุงู„ ู…ูˆู„ูˆุฏู‡ุง.
03:17
The idea of "pin the diaper on the baby" games
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ููƒุฑุฉ ุฃู„ุนุงุจ "ุชุซุจูŠุช ุญูุงุถุงุช ุงู„ุฃุทูุงู„"
03:20
and opening gifts felt odd and irrelevant.
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ูˆูุชุญ ุงู„ู‡ุฏุงูŠุงุŒ ุจุฏุช ุบุฑูŠุจุฉุŒ ูˆุบูŠุฑ ู…ู„ุงุฆู…ุฉ.
03:23
So she paused to ask:
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ูˆู„ุฐู„ูƒุŒ ุงุณุชูˆู‚ูู‡ุง ุณุคุงู„:
03:25
What is the purpose of a baby shower?
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ู…ุง ุงู„ุบุฑุถ ู…ู† ุญูู„ ุงุณุชู‚ุจุงู„ ุงู„ู…ูˆู„ูˆุฏุŸ
03:27
What is my need at this moment?
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ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฃุญุชุงุฌู‡ ููŠ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู„ุญุธุฉุŸ
03:31
And she realized it was to address her fears
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ูˆุฃุฏุฑูƒุชู’ ุฃู†ู‡ ูŠุชุนูŠู‘ู† ุฃู† ุชุญุฏู‘ุฏ ู…ุฎุงูˆูู‡ุง ุจุดุฃู† ู‡ูˆุงุฌุณู‡ุง
03:33
of her and her husband's -- remember that guy? --
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ูˆู‡ูˆุงุฌุณ ุฒูˆุฌู‡ุง... ุฃุชุฐูƒุฑูˆู† ุฐุงูƒ ุงู„ุดุฎุตุŸ...
03:36
transition to parenthood.
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ู…ู† ุงู„ุชุญูˆู‘ู„ ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฃุจูˆู‘ุฉ.
03:38
And so she asked two friends to invent a gathering based on that.
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ูˆู…ู† ุซู…ู‘ุŒ ุทู„ุจุช ู…ู† ุตุฏูŠู‚ุชูŠู† ุชู†ุธูŠู… ุชุฌู…ู‘ุน ู…ูƒุฑู‘ุณ ู„ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุบุฑุถ.
03:42
And so on a sunny afternoon, six women gathered.
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ูˆููŠ ู†ู‡ุงุฑ ู…ุดู…ุณุŒ ุงุฌุชู…ุนุช ุณุช ุณูŠุฏุงุช.
03:46
And first, to address her fear of labor -- she was terrified --
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ูˆููŠ ุงู„ุจุฏุงูŠุฉุŒ ู„ู…ูˆุงุฌู‡ุฉ ุฎูˆูู‡ุง ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ุฎุงุถ... ูƒุงู†ุช ู…ุฑุนูˆุจุฉ...
03:50
they told her stories from her life
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ูู‚ุฏ ู‚ุตูŽุตู’ู†ูŽ ุนู„ูŠู‡ุง ุญูƒุงูŠุงุชู‡ู† ุนู† ุชุฌุฑุจุชู‡ู†
03:53
to remind her of the characteristics she already carries --
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ู„ุชุฐูƒูŠุฑู‡ุง ุจุงู„ุฎูุตุงู„ ุงู„ุชูŠ ู‡ูŠ ุจุงู„ูุนู„ ุชุชุญู„ู‘ู‰ ุจู‡ุง...
03:56
bravery, wonder, faith, surrender --
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ุงู„ุดุฌุงุนุฉ ูˆุงู„ุงู†ุฏู‡ุงุด ูˆุงู„ุฅูŠู…ุงู† ูˆุงู„ุชู‘ูŽูˆูƒูู„...
04:01
that they believed would carry her and help her in labor as well.
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ุชู„ูƒ ุงู„ุชูŠ ุณูŠุณุงุนุฏู‡ุง ุงู„ุชู‘ุญู„ู‘ูŠ ุจู‡ุง ุนู„ู‰ ุชุญู…ู‘ู„ ุงู„ู…ุฎุงุถ ุจุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ูุนู‘ุงู„ุฉ.
04:04
And as they spoke, they tied a bead for each quality into a necklace
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ูˆุจูŠู†ู…ุง ูƒูู†ู‘ ูŠุชุญุฏุซู†ุŒ ุนู‚ุฏู† ุฎุฑุฒุฉ ู„ูƒู„ ุฎูŽุตู’ู„ูŽุฉ ููŠ ู‚ู„ุงุฏุฉ
04:09
that she could wear around her neck in the delivery room.
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ุณูˆู ุชุฑุชุฏูŠู‡ุง ุญูˆู„ ุนู†ู‚ู‡ุง ููŠ ุบุฑูุฉ ุงู„ูˆู„ุงุฏุฉ.
04:13
Next, her husband came in,
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ููŠู…ุง ุจุนุฏุŒ ุญุถุฑ ุฒูˆุฌู‡ุงุŒ
04:15
and they wrote new vows, family vows, and spoke them aloud,
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ูˆูƒุชุจุง ู…ุนู‹ุง ูˆุนูˆุฏู‹ุง ุฌุฏูŠุฏุฉุŒ ูˆูุนููˆุฏู‹ุง ุนุงุฆู„ูŠุฉุŒ ูˆู‚ุฑุกุงู‡ุง ุฌู‡ุฑู‹ุงุŒ
04:19
first committing to keep their marriage central
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ูƒุงู† ุงู„ูˆุนุฏ ุงู„ุฃูˆู„ ุนู† ุงู„ู…ุญุงูุธุฉ ุนู„ู‰ ู…ุญูˆุฑูŠู‘ุฉ ุฒูˆุงุฌู‡ู…ุง
04:21
as they transitioned to parenthood,
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ุจุนุฏ ุชุญูˆู‘ู„ู‡ู…ุง ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฃุจูˆู‘ุฉุŒ
04:23
but also future vows to their future son
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ูˆู„ูƒู† ู‚ุทุนุง ุฃูŠุถู‹ุง ูˆูุนููˆุฏู‹ุง ู…ุณุชู‚ุจู„ูŠุฉ ู„ู…ูˆู„ูˆุฏู‡ู…ุง ุงู„ู…ู†ุชุธุฑ
04:26
of what they wanted to carry with them from each of their family lines
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ุจุดุฃู† ู…ุง ูŠุฑูŠุฏุงู†ู‡ ุฃู† ูŠุณุชู…ุฑ ู…ู† ู…ูˆุฑูˆุซ ุงู„ุฃุฌูŠุงู„ ุงู„ุณุงุจู‚ุฉ ููŠ ุนุงุฆู„ุชูŠู‡ู…ุง
04:29
and what would stop with this generation.
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ูˆู…ุง ุณูŠู‚ู ู…ุน ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุฌูŠู„.
04:32
Then more friends came along, including men, for a dinner party.
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ุซู… ุฃุชู‰ ุฃุตุฏู‚ุงุก ุขุฎุฑูˆู†ุŒ ุจู…ูŽู† ููŠู‡ู… ุงู„ุฑุฌุงู„ุŒ ู„ุญูู„ุฉ ุนุดุงุก.
04:36
And in lieu of gifts, they each brought a favorite memory from their childhood
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ูˆุจุฏู„ู‹ุง ู…ู† ุงู„ู‡ุฏุงูŠุงุŒ ุญู…ู„ ูƒู„ ู…ู†ู‡ู… ุดูŠุฆู‹ุง ู…ู† ุฐุงูƒุฑุฉ ุงู„ู…ููุถู‘ู„ุงุช ููŠ ุทููˆู„ุชู‡ู…
04:40
to share with the table.
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ู„ูŠุถุนูˆู‡ุง ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ู…ู†ุถุฏุฉ.
04:41
Now, you might be thinking this is a lot for a baby shower,
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ุงู„ุขู†ุŒ ุฑุจู…ุง ุฃู†ุช ุชุฑู‰ ุฃู† ู‡ุฐุง ูƒุซูŠุฑ ุนู„ู‰ ุญูู„ ุงุณุชู‚ุจุงู„ ู…ูˆู„ูˆุฏุŒ
04:45
or it's a little weird or it's a little intimate.
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ุฃูˆ ุฑุจู…ุง ู‡ูˆ ุบุฑูŠุจ ู†ูˆุนู‹ุง ู…ุงุŒ ุฃูˆ ุญู…ูŠู…ูŠ ู‚ู„ูŠู„ู‹ุง.
04:48
Good.
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ุฑุงุฆุน.
04:49
It's specific.
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ู‡ุฐุง ู…ูุญุฏู‘ูŽุฏ.
04:50
It's disputable.
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ู‡ุฐุง ู‚ุงุจู„ูŒ ู„ู„ู†ู‚ุงุด.
04:52
It's specific to them,
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ุฅู†ู‡ ู…ูุฎุตุตูŒ ู„ู‡ู…ุŒ
04:54
just as your gathering should be specific to you.
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ุชู…ุงู…ู‹ุง ูƒู…ุง ูŠู†ุจุบูŠ ุนู„ู‰ ุชุฌู…ุนูƒ ุฃู† ูŠูƒูˆู† ู…ููƒุฑู‘ุณู‹ุง ู…ู† ุฃุฌู„ูƒ.
04:58
The next step of creating more meaningful everyday gatherings
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ุงู„ุฎุทูˆุฉ ุงู„ุซุงู†ูŠุฉ ู„ุจู†ุงุก ุชุฌู…ู‘ุนุงุช ูŠูˆู…ูŠุฉ ู…ููุนูŽู…ุฉ ุจุงู„ู…ุนู†ู‰
05:02
is to cause good controversy.
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ุชู†ุตุฑู ุฅู„ู‰ ุชุฑุชูŠุจ ู…ูู†ุงุธูŽุฑุฉ ุฌูŠุฏุฉ.
05:05
You may have learned, as I did,
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ุฑุจู…ุง ุชุฑุจูŠุชู…ุŒ ู…ุซู„ูŠุŒ
05:07
never to talk about sex, politics or religion at the dinner table.
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ุนู„ู‰ ุฃู†ู‡ ู„ุง ูŠุฌุจ ุงู„ุชุทุฑู‚ ุฃุจุฏู‹ุง ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฌู†ุณ ุฃูˆ ุงู„ุณูŠุงุณุฉ ุฃูˆ ุงู„ุฏูŠู† ุนู„ู‰ ุทุงูˆู„ุฉ ุงู„ุนุดุงุก.
05:11
It's a good rule in that it preserves harmony,
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ุฅู†ู‡ุง ู‚ุงุนุฏุฉ ุฌูŠุฏุฉ ู…ู† ุญูŠุซ ุฃู†ู‡ุง ุชุญุงูุธ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุงู†ุณุฌุงู…
05:14
or that's its intention.
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ุฃูˆ ู…ู† ุดุฃู†ู‡ุง ุฐู„ูƒ.
05:15
But it strips away a core ingredient of meaning, which is heat,
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ู‘ ุฐู„ูƒ ูŠู†ุฒุน ู…ูƒูˆู‘ู†ู‹ุง ุฌูˆู‡ุฑูŠู‹ุง ู„ู„ู…ุนู†ู‰ุŒ ุฃู„ุง ูˆู‡ูˆ ุงู„ุญู…ุงุณุŒ
05:20
burning relevance.
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ูˆู‡ูˆ ุฌุฒุกูŒ ู…ู‡ู…ูŒุŒ ูˆูˆุซูŠู‚ู ุงู„ุตู„ุฉ ุจุงู„ู…ูˆุถูˆุน.
05:22
The best gatherings learn to cultivate good controversy
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ุฅู† ุงู„ุชุฌู…ู‘ุน ุงู„ุฃูุถู„ ู‡ูˆ ุฐุงูƒ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠุนู…ู„ ุนู„ู‰ ุชู‡ุฐูŠุจ ุงู„ุฌุฏุงู„ ูˆุงู„ู…ู†ุงุธุฑุฉ
05:26
by creating the conditions for it,
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ุจุฎูŽู„ู‚ู ุงู„ุธุฑูˆู ุงู„ู…ูˆุงุชูŠุฉ ู„ู‡ู…ุงุŒ
05:29
because human connection is as threatened by unhealthy peace
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ุฐู„ูƒ ุฃู† ุงู„ุงุชุตุงู„ ุงู„ุฅู†ุณุงู†ูŠ ู…ูู‡ุฏุฏ ุจุงู„ุณู„ุงู… ุงู„ู…ุญููˆู ุจุงู„ู…ุฎุงุทุฑ
05:33
as by unhealthy conflict.
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ุชู…ุงู…ู‹ุง ูƒู…ุง ู‡ูˆ ู…ูู‡ุฏุฏ ุจุงู„ุชุตุงุฑุน ุบูŠุฑ ุงู„ุตุญูŠ.
05:37
I was once working with an architecture firm,
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ุฐุงุช ู…ุฑุฉ ูƒู†ุช ุฃุนู…ู„ ู„ุฏู‰ ู…ูƒุชุจ ู„ู„ู‡ู†ุฏุณุฉ ุงู„ู…ุนู…ุงุฑูŠุฉุŒ
05:39
and they were at a crossroads.
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ูˆูƒุงู†ูˆุง ุฃู…ุงู… ู…ูุชุฑู‚ ุทูุฑู‚.
05:41
They had to figure out whether they wanted to continue to be an architecture firm
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ูƒุงู† ุนู„ูŠู‡ู… ุงุชุฎุงุฐ ู‚ุฑุงุฑ ุญูˆู„ ู…ุง ุฅุฐุง ูƒุงู†ูˆุง ูŠุฑูŠุฏูˆู† ุงู„ุงุณุชู…ุฑุงุฑ ูƒุดุฑูƒุฉ ู…ุนู…ุงุฑูŠุฉ
05:45
and focus on the construction of buildings
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ูˆุงู„ุชุฑูƒูŠุฒ ุนู„ู‰ ุชุดูŠูŠุฏ ุงู„ู…ุจุงู†ูŠ
05:47
or pivot and become the hot new thing, a design firm,
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ุฃูˆ ุงู„ุงู†ุชู‚ุงู„ ุฅู„ู‰ ุนู…ู„ ุดูŠุก ุฌุฏูŠุฏ ูˆู…ุซูŠุฑุŒ ูƒู…ูƒุชุจ ุชุตู…ูŠู…ุงุชุŒ
05:49
focusing on beyond the construction of spaces.
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ุญูŠุซ ูŠุชุฎุตุตูˆู† ุฃูƒุซุฑ ููŠ ู…ุง ูˆุฑุงุก ุจู†ุงุก ุงู„ูุถุงุก.
05:52
And there was real disagreement in the room,
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ูˆู„ู‚ุฏ ูƒุงู† ู‡ู†ุงู„ูƒ ุชุถุงุฑุจ ุญู‚ูŠู‚ูŠ ููŠ ุงู„ุญุฌุฑุฉุŒ
05:54
but you wouldn't know, because no one was actually speaking up publicly.
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ูˆู„ูƒู† ู…ุง ูƒุงู† ู„ูƒ ุฃู† ุชุฏุฑูƒู‡ุ› ู„ุฃู†ู‡ ู…ุง ู…ู† ุฃุญุฏ ูƒุงู† ูŠุชุญุฏุซ ุนู† ุฐู„ูƒ ุจุดูƒู„ ุนู„ู†ูŠ.
05:58
And so we hosted good controversy.
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ูˆูƒุงู† ุฃู† ุงุณุชุถูู†ุง ู†ู‚ุงุดู‹ุง ุฑุงุฆุนู‹ุง.
06:00
After a lunch break, all the architects came back,
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ูˆุจุนุฏ ุงุณุชุฑุงุญุฉ ุบุฏุงุกุŒ ุนุงุฏ ูƒู„ ุงู„ู…ุนู…ุงุฑูŠูŠู†ุŒ
06:03
and we hosted a cage match.
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ูˆู‡ูŠุฃู†ุง ุญู„ุจุฉ ู…ุตุงุฑุนุฉ.
06:07
They walked in,
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ุฏุฎู„ูˆุง ููŠู‡ุงุŒ
06:08
we took one architect, put him in one corner to represent architecture,
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ุฏูŽุนูŽูˆู†ุง ู…ุนู…ุงุฑูŠู‹ุงุŒ ูˆุงู†ุชุญู‰ ุฅู„ู‰ ุฌุงู†ุจ ููŠู‡ุงุŒ ู„ูŠู…ุซู‘ู„ ุงู„ู‡ู†ุฏุณุฉ ุงู„ู…ุนู…ุงุฑูŠุฉุŒ
06:12
the other one to represent design.
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ูˆููŠ ุงู„ุฌุงู†ุจ ุงู„ุขุฎุฑุŒ ูˆู‚ู ู…ูŽู† ูŠู…ุซู„ ุงู„ุชุตู…ูŠู…ุงุช.
06:14
We threw white towels around their necks,
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ุฃู„ู‚ูŠู†ุง ู…ู†ุงุดู ุจูŠุถุงุก ุญูˆู„ ุฃุนู†ุงู‚ู‡ู…ุŒ
06:16
stolen from the bathroom -- sorry --
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ุณุฑู‚ู†ุงู‡ุง ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ุฑุญุงุถ... ู…ุนุฐุฑุฉ...
06:18
played Rocky music on an iPad,
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ุฃุฏุฑู†ุง ู…ูˆุณูŠู‚ู‰ ุงู„ุฑู‘ูˆูƒ ู…ู† "ุขูŠ ุจุงุฏ"
06:20
got each a Don King-like manager
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ูˆูƒุงู† ู„ูƒู„ ู…ู†ู‡ู…ุง ู…ุฏูŠุฑูŒ ูู†ูŠูŒ ู…ุซู„ "ุฏูˆู† ูƒูŠู†ุบ"
06:22
to rev them up and prepare them with counterarguments,
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ู…ู† ุฃุฌู„ ุฒูŠุงุฏุฉ ูุนุงู„ูŠุชู‡ู…ุงุŒ ูˆุฅู…ุฏุงุฏู‡ู…ุง ุจุงู„ุญุฌุฌ ุงู„ุถุงุญุฏุฉุŒ
06:25
and then basically made them each argue the best possible argument
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ูˆุจุตูˆุฑุฉ ุฃุณุงุณูŠุฉุŒ ูู‚ุฏ ุฌุนู„ู†ุง ู…ู† ุชูŽุญูŽุงุฌู‘ู‡ู…ุง ุฃูุถู„ูŽ ุตูˆุฑุฉ ู…ู…ูƒู†ุฉ ู„ู„ู…ูู†ุงุธูŽุฑุฉ
06:29
of each future vision.
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ุญูˆู„ูŽ ุฑุคูŠุฉ ูƒู„ ู…ู†ู‡ู…ุง ู„ู„ู…ุณุชู‚ุจู„.
06:31
The norm of politeness was blocking their progress.
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ูƒุงู† ุงู„ุชุฃุฏูุจ ูƒู…ุนูŠุงุฑ ู…ุนุฑู‚ู„ุง ู„ุชู‚ุฏู‘ู… ูƒู„ ู…ู†ู‡ู…ุง.
06:34
And we then had everybody else physically choose a side
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ุซู… ูƒุงู† ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุขุฎุฑูŠู† ุฃู† ูŠุฑุฌุญูˆุง ุจุตูˆุฑุฉ ุนูŠู†ูŠุฉ ุฃุญุฏ ุงู„ุฌุงู†ุจูŠู†
06:38
in front of their colleagues.
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ุฃู…ุงู… ุฒู…ู„ุงุฆู‡ู….
06:40
And because they were able to actually show where they stood,
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ูˆุจุณุจุจ ุฃู†ู‡ู… ูƒุงู†ูˆุง ู‚ุงุฏุฑูŠู† ุญู‚ู‹ุง ุนู„ู‰ ุงุณุชุนุฑุงุถ ู…ุง ุงุณุชูˆุนุจูˆู‡ุ›
06:43
they broke an impasse.
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ูู‚ู„ุฏ ูุชุญูˆุง ุทุฑูŠู‚ู‹ุง ู…ุณุฏูˆุฏุฉู‹.
06:45
Architecture won.
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ูุงุฒุช ุงู„ู‡ู†ุฏุณุฉ ุงู„ู…ุนู…ุงุฑูŠุฉ.
06:47
So that's work.
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ู‡ุฐุง ููŠ ุงู„ุนู…ู„.
06:48
What about a hypothetical tense Thanksgiving dinner?
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ู…ุงุฐุง ุนู† ุงู„ุชูˆุชุฑ ุงู„ุงูุชุฑุงุถูŠ ู„ุนุดุงุก ุนูŠุฏ ุงู„ุดูƒุฑุŸ
06:54
Anyone?
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ุฃูŠู‘ ู…ู†ูƒู…ุŸ
06:55
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
06:58
So first, ask the purpose.
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ูˆุนู„ูŠู‡ุŒ ูุฅู† ุงู„ุจุฏุงูŠุฉ: ุญุฏู‘ุฏ ุงู„ุบุฑุถ.
07:00
What does this family need this year?
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ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุชุญุชุงุฌู‡ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุนุงุฆู„ุฉ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุนุงู…ุŸ
07:04
If cultivating good heat is part of it,
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ุฅุฐุง ูƒุงู† ุชูˆููŠุฑ ุงู„ุฃูู„ููŽุฉ ุฌุฒุกู‹ุง ู…ู†ู‡ุงุŒ
07:07
then try for a night banning opinions and asking for stories instead.
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ูุนู„ูŠูƒ ุฃู† ุชุญุงูˆู„ ููŠ ู…ุณุงุก ู…ุง ุฅูŠู‚ุงู ุงู„ุขุฑุงุกุŒ ูˆุนูˆุถู‹ุง ุนู† ุฐู„ูƒ ุงุณุชุฏุฑุฌู’ ุงู„ุญูƒุงูŠุงุช.
07:13
Choose a theme related to the underlying conflict.
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ุงุฎู’ุชุฑ ู…ูˆุถูˆุนู‹ุง ู…ู† ุดุฃู†ู‡ ุฅุฌู„ุงุก ุงู„ุชุถุงุฑุจ.
07:16
But instead of opinions,
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ูˆู„ูƒู† ุจุฏู„ุง ู…ู† ุงู„ุขุฑุงุกุŒ
07:18
ask everybody to share a story from their life and experience
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ุนู„ูŠูƒ ุจุณุคุงู„ ุงู„ุฌู…ูŠุน ุญุชู‰ ูŠุดุงุฑูƒูˆูƒ ุจุญูƒุงูŠุฉ ู…ู† ุญูŠุงุชู‡ู… ูˆุฎุจุฑุชู‡ู…
07:21
that nobody around the table has ever heard,
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ุนู„ู‰ ู†ุญูˆ ู…ุง ู„ู… ูŠุณู…ุน ุจู‡ ุฃูŠูŒ ู…ู…ูŽู† ูŠุชุฑุงุตู‘ููˆู† ุญูˆู„ ุงู„ุทุงูˆู„ุฉุŒ
07:23
to difference or to belonging
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ุนู† ุงู„ุงุฎุชู„ุงู ุฃูˆ ุนู† ุงู„ุงู†ุชู…ุงุก
07:26
or to a time I changed my mind,
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ุฃูˆ ุนู† ู…ุฑุฉ ุบูŠุฑู‘ุช ููŠู‡ุง ุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ุชููƒูŠุฑูŠุŒ
07:29
giving people a way in to each other
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ุฅูุณุงุญู ุงู„ู…ุฌุงู„ ู„ู„ู†ุงุณ ููŠู…ุง ุจูŠู†ูƒู…
07:31
without burning the house down.
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ุจู…ุง ูŠุญูˆู„ ุฏูˆู† ู‡ุฏู… ุงู„ู…ู†ุฒู„.
07:35
And finally, to create more meaningful everyday gatherings,
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ูˆููŠ ุงู„ู†ู‡ุงูŠุฉุŒ ู„ุจู†ุงุก ุชุฌู…ู‘ุนุงุช ูŠูˆู…ูŠุฉ ู…ููุนู…ุฉ ุจุงู„ู…ุนู†ู‰
07:39
create a temporary alternative world
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ุงุฎู„ู‚ ุนุงู„ู…ู‹ุง ู…ุคู‚ุชู‹ุง ูˆุจุฏูŠู„ู‹ุง
07:42
through the use of pop-up rules.
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ู…ู† ุฎู„ุงู„ ุงุณุชุฎุฏุงู… ุงู„ู‚ูˆุงุนุฏ ุงู„ู…ูุนู„ู†ุฉ ู…ุณุจู‚ู‹ุง.
07:47
A few years ago, I started noticing invitations coming with a set of rules.
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ู…ู†ุฐ ุณู†ูˆุงุช ู‚ู„ูŠู„ุฉ ู…ุถุชุŒ ุจุฏุฃุช ุฃู„ุญุธ ุฏุนูˆุงุช ู…ุฑููˆู‚ุฉ ุจู…ุฌู…ูˆุนุฉ ู…ู† ุงู„ู‚ูˆุงุนุฏ ูŠุฌุจ ู…ุฑุงุนุงุชู‡ุง.
07:51
Kind of boring or controlling, right?
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ู‡ุฐุง ู…ู…ู„ ู†ูˆุนู‹ุง ู…ุงุŒ ุฃูˆ ููŠู‡ ุดูŠุก ู…ู† ุงู„ุชู‘ุญูƒู…ุŒ ุฃู„ูŠุณ ูƒุฐู„ูƒุŸ
07:55
Wrong.
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ู„ูŠุณ ุตุญูŠุญู‹ุง.
07:56
In this multicultural, intersectional society,
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ููŠ ุนุงู„ู…ู ูƒู‡ุฐุง ู…ุชู†ูˆุน ุงู„ุซู‚ุงูุงุชุŒ ูˆู…ุชุนุฏุฏู ุงู„ุฌูˆุงู†ุจุŒ
07:59
where more of us are gathered and raised
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ุญูŠุซ ุงู„ูƒุซูŠุฑ ู…ู†ู‘ุง ูŠุชุฌู…ู‘ุน ูˆูŠุชุฑุจู‰ ุนู„ู‰ ูŠุฏูŠ
08:01
by people and with etiquette unlike our own,
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ุฃุดุฎุงุต ุฐูˆูŠ ู‚ูˆุงุนุฏ ู„ู„ูŠุงู‚ุฉ ูˆุงู„ุณู„ูˆูƒ ู…ุฎุชู„ูุฉ ุนู…ู‘ุง ู†ุญู† ุนู„ูŠู‡ุŒ
08:03
where we don't share the etiquette,
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ุญูŠู† ู„ุง ู†ุดุงุฑูƒู‡ู… ุฐุงุช ู‚ูˆุงุนุฏ ุงู„ู„ูŠุงู‚ุฉ ูˆุงู„ุณู„ูˆูƒุŒ
08:06
unspoken norms are trouble,
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ูุฅู† ุงู„ู…ุนุงูŠูŠุฑ ุบูŠุฑ ุงู„ู…ุนู„ู†ุฉ ุชุบุฏูˆ ู…ูุดู’ูƒู„ุฉู‹ุŒ
08:09
whereas pop-up rules allow us to connect meaningfully.
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ุจูŠู†ู…ุง ุงู„ู‚ูˆุงุนุฏ ุงู„ู…ุนู„ู†ุฉ ุชุชูŠุญู ู„ู†ุง ุชูˆุงุตู„ู‹ุง ู…ูุนู…ู‹ุง ุจุงู„ู…ุนู†ู‰.
08:12
They're one-time-only constitutions for a specific purpose.
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ุฅู†ู‡ุง ู‚ูˆุงุนุฏ ุฃุณุงุณูŠุฉ ูˆูุถุนุช ู„ุชูุณุชุนู…ู„ ู…ุฑุฉ ูˆุงุญุฏุฉ ูู‚ุท ูˆู…ูˆุฌู‘ู‡ุฉ ุฅู„ู‰ ุบุฑุถู ู…ุญุฏุฏู.
08:16
So a team dinner,
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ูˆุนู„ูŠู‡ุŒ ูุฅู† ุฌู„ุณุฉ ุบุฏุงุก ู„ูุฑูŠู‚ ุนู…ู„ูุŒ
08:19
where different generations are gathering
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ุญูŠุซ ุชุฌุชู…ุน ุฃุฌูŠุงู„ูŒ ู…ุฎุชู„ูุฉูŒ
08:21
and don't share the same assumptions of phone etiquette:
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ูˆู„ุง ูŠุชู‚ุงุณู…ูˆู† ุฐุงุช ุงู„ู…ูุชุฑุถุงุช ุงู„ุฎุงุตุฉ ุจู‚ูˆุงุนุฏ ุขุฏุงุจ ุณู„ูˆูƒ ุงุณุชุฎุฏุงู… ุงู„ู‡ุงุชู:
08:25
whoever looks at their phone first
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ู…ูŽู† ูŠุณุชุฎุฏู… ุงู„ู‡ุงุชู ุฃูˆู„ู‹ุง
08:27
foots the bill.
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ู‡ูˆ ู…ูŽู†ู’ ุณูŠุฏูุน ุงู„ูุงุชูˆุฑุฉ.
08:29
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
08:30
Try it.
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ุฌุฑู‘ุจูˆุง ู‡ุฐุง.
08:31
(Applause)
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(ุชุตููŠู‚)
08:33
For an entrepreneurial advice circle of just strangers,
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ููŠ ุฌู„ุณุฉ ุชู‚ุงุณู… ุงู„ุฎุจุฑุงุช ู…ุน ุฑุฌุงู„ ุฃุนู…ุงู„ ุบุฑุจุงุกุŒ
08:36
where the hosts don't want everybody to just listen
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ุญูŠู† ูŠูƒูˆู† ุงู„ู…ุถูŠููˆู† ุบูŠุฑ ุฑุงุบุจูŠู† ุจุฃู† ูŠุตุบู‰ ุงู„ุฌู…ูŠุนู ูู‚ุท
08:38
to the one venture capitalist in the room --
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ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ู…ุณุชุซู…ุฑ ุงู„ุฌุฑูŠุก ููŠ ุงู„ุบุฑูุฉ...
08:40
(Laughter)
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08:41
knowing laugh --
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(ุถุญูƒ)
ุฃุนุฑู ู„ูู…ูŽ ุงู„ุถุญูƒ...
08:43
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
08:44
you can't reveal what you do for a living.
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ู„ุง ูŠู…ูƒู†ูƒ ุฅูุดุงุก ู…ุง ุชู‚ูˆู… ุจู‡ ู„ูƒุณุจ ุงู„ุฑุฒู‚.
08:48
For a mom's dinner,
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ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ุฅู„ู‰ ุฌู„ุณุฉ ุนุดุงุก ุจูŠู† ุงู„ุฃู…ู‡ุงุชุŒ
08:50
where you want to upend the norms
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ุญูŠุซ ุชุฑูŠุฏู ุฃู† ุชุถุฑุจ ุตูุญู‹ุง ุนู† ุงู„ู…ุนุงูŠูŠุฑ
08:51
of what women who also happen to be mothers talk about when they gather,
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ููŠู…ุง ุชุฎูˆุถ ุงู„ู†ุณุงุก ููŠู‡ุŒ ูˆุงู„ู„ูˆุงุชูŠ ุชุนุชุจุฑู† ุฃู…ู‘ู‡ุงุช ุฃูŠุถู‹ุงุŒ ุญูŠู† ูŠู„ุชู‚ูŠู†ุŒ
08:56
if you talk about your kids, you have to take a shot.
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ูุฅุฐุง ูƒู†ุช ุชุชุญุฏุซูŠู† ุนู† ุฃุทูุงู„ูƒุŒ ุณูŠูุณู„ู‘ุท ุงู„ุถูˆุก ุนู„ูŠูƒู.
08:59
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
09:02
That's a real dinner.
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ุฅู†ู‡ุง ุฌู„ุณุฉ ุนุดุงุก ุญู‚ูŠู‚ูŠุฉ.
09:05
Rules are powerful,
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ุงู„ู‚ูˆุงุนุฏ ู‚ูˆุฉุŒ
09:07
because they allow us to temporarily change and harmonize our behavior.
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ู„ุฃู†ู‡ุง ุชุชูŠุญ ู„ู†ุง ุชุบูŠูŠุฑู‹ุง ู…ูˆู‚ูˆุชู‹ุง ูˆุชูู‡ุฐู‘ุจ ุชุตุฑูุงุชู†ุง.
09:12
And in diverse societies,
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ูˆูููŠ ู…ุฌุชู…ุนู ู…ุชู†ูˆู‘ุนูุŒ
09:14
pop-up rules carry special force.
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ูุฅู† ุงู„ู‚ูˆุงุนุฏ ุงู„ู…ุนู„ู†ุฉ ุชุญู…ู„ ู‚ูˆุฉ ุฎุงุตุฉ.
09:17
They allow us to gather across difference,
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ุฅู†ู‡ุง ุชุชูŠุญ ู„ู†ุง ุงู„ุชุฌู…ู‘ุน ุฑุบู… ุงู„ุงุฎุชู„ุงูุŒ
09:19
to connect,
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ุชุชูŠุญ ุงู„ุชูˆุงุตู„ุŒ
09:20
to make meaning together
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ุชูู…ูƒู†ู†ุง ู„ู†ูุตูŠุบูŽ ุงู„ู…ุบุฒู‰ ุณูˆูŠู‹ุง
09:22
without having to be the same.
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ุฏูˆู† ุฃู† ู†ูƒูˆู† ู…ุชุดุงุจู‡ูŠู†.
09:25
When I was a child,
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ุญูŠู† ูƒู†ุช ุทูู„ุฉุŒ
09:27
I navigated my two worlds by becoming a chameleon.
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ูˆุฌู‘ู‡ุช ุดุทุฑูŠ ู†ุญูˆ ูƒูู„ุง ุนุงู„ูŽู…ูŠู‘ูŽ ูƒู…ุง ุงู„ุญุฑุจุงุก.
09:31
If somebody sneezed in my mother's home,
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ุฅุฐุง ุนุทุณูŽ ุดุฎุตูŒ ู…ุง ููŠ ู…ู†ุฒู„ ูˆุงู„ุฏุชูŠุŒ
09:33
I would say, "Bless you,"
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ูƒุงู† ุนู„ูŠู‘ ุฃู† ุฃู‚ูˆู„: "ุจูˆุฑูƒุชู…"ุŒ
09:35
in my father's, "God bless you."
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ูˆููŠ ุจูŠุช ุฃุจูŠ ุฃู‚ูˆู„: "ูŠุฑุญู…ูƒู… ุงู„ุฑุจ."
09:38
To protect myself, I hid,
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ู„ูุตูŽูˆู† ู†ูุณูŠุŒ ุชุฎูู‘ูŠุชูุŒ
09:41
as so many of us do.
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ูƒู…ุง ูŠูุนู„ ุงู„ูƒุซูŠุฑ ู…ู†ู‘ุง.
09:43
And it wasn't until I grew up and through conflict work
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ูˆู…ุง ูƒุงู† ุฅู„ุง ุฃู† ูƒุจุฑุชูุŒ ูˆู…ู† ุฎู„ุงู„ ุงู„ู…ู‡ุงู… ุงู„ู…ุชุถุงุฑุจุฉ
09:46
that I began to stop hiding.
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ุจุฏุฃุช ุฃุชูˆู‚ู ุนู† ุงู„ุชุฎูู‘ูŠ.
09:49
And I realized that gatherings for me,
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ูˆุฃุฏุฑูƒุชู ุฃู† ุงู„ุชุฌู…ู‘ุนุงุช ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ุฅู„ูŠู‘ูŽุŒ
09:52
at their best,
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ููŠ ุฃูุถู„ ุฃุญูˆุงู„ู‡ุงุŒ
09:54
allow us to be among others,
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ุชู…ูƒู†ูู†ุง ุฃู† ู†ูƒูˆู† ูˆุณุท ุงู„ุขุฎุฑูŠู†ุŒ
09:57
to be seen for who we are,
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ู„ูŠูู†ุธุฑ ุฅู„ูŠู†ุง ูƒู…ุง ู†ุญู†ุŒ
09:59
and to see.
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ูˆู…ู† ุฃุฌู„ ุฃู† ู†ุชููƒู‘ุฑ ุฃูŠุถู‹ุง.
10:03
The way we gather matters
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ุฅู† ุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ุชุฌู…ุนู†ุง ู…ู‡ู…ุฉ
10:07
because how we gather
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ู„ุฃู† ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ
10:09
is how we live.
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ุชู…ุซู„ ุฃุณู„ูˆุจู†ุง ููŠ ุงู„ุนูŠุด.
10:11
Thank you.
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ุดูƒุฑู‹ุง ู„ูƒู….
10:12
(Applause)
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(ุชุตููŠู‚)
ุญูˆู„ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู…ูˆู‚ุน

ุณูŠู‚ุฏู… ู„ูƒ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู…ูˆู‚ุน ู…ู‚ุงุทุน ููŠุฏูŠูˆ YouTube ุงู„ู…ููŠุฏุฉ ู„ุชุนู„ู… ุงู„ู„ุบุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ. ุณุชุฑู‰ ุฏุฑูˆุณ ุงู„ู„ุบุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ูŠุชู… ุชุฏุฑูŠุณู‡ุง ู…ู† ู‚ุจู„ ู…ุฏุฑุณูŠู† ู…ู† ุงู„ุฏุฑุฌุฉ ุงู„ุฃูˆู„ู‰ ู…ู† ุฌู…ูŠุน ุฃู†ุญุงุก ุงู„ุนุงู„ู…. ุงู†ู‚ุฑ ู†ู‚ุฑู‹ุง ู…ุฒุฏูˆุฌู‹ุง ููˆู‚ ุงู„ุชุฑุฌู…ุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ ุงู„ู…ุนุฑูˆุถุฉ ุนู„ู‰ ูƒู„ ุตูุญุฉ ููŠุฏูŠูˆ ู„ุชุดุบูŠู„ ุงู„ููŠุฏูŠูˆ ู…ู† ู‡ู†ุงูƒ. ูŠุชู… ุชู…ุฑูŠุฑ ุงู„ุชุฑุฌู…ุงุช ุจุงู„ุชุฒุงู…ู† ู…ุน ุชุดุบูŠู„ ุงู„ููŠุฏูŠูˆ. ุฅุฐุง ูƒุงู† ู„ุฏูŠูƒ ุฃูŠ ุชุนู„ูŠู‚ุงุช ุฃูˆ ุทู„ุจุงุช ุŒ ูŠุฑุฌู‰ ุงู„ุงุชุตุงู„ ุจู†ุง ุจุงุณุชุฎุฏุงู… ู†ู…ูˆุฐุฌ ุงู„ุงุชุตุงู„ ู‡ุฐุง.

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