How I responded to sexism in gaming with empathy - Lilian Chen

翻译人员: Emma Gao 校对人员: Shawnee Huang

“北京屋”是我家在康涅狄格州的威廉姆斯拥有的餐馆

Peking House is my family-owned Chinese restaurant in Willimantic, Connecticut,

where I spent nearly 20 years growing up, before we sold it.

在卖掉餐馆之前，我在那儿待了20年

我和我的兄弟花了很多时间

My brother and I spent most of our time

in the room in the back called "the office."

呆在最后面一个叫“办公室”的房间

"The office" was really just a storage room,

“办公室”其实只是一个储藏室

but it had our gaming systems,

但是里面有我们的电子游戏

and the game that we played the most was called Super Smash Brothers Melee.

我们最常玩儿的叫作“任天堂明星大乱斗”

For those who don't know,

如果你不知道的话

Super Smash Brothers Melee is an older fighting game

它是一个很经典的动作搏击游戏

made for the Nintendo GameCube.

它是为了任天堂的一款游戏机做的

My brother and I spent hours playing this game,

我兄弟和我在这个游戏上花了很多时间

so much that we even challenged restaurant customers to matches.

玩得太尽兴了以至于顾客都成为了 我们的挑战对象

Eventually, my friends dragged me out to a local tournament,

终于，我的朋友把我拉到当地的 一个游戏锦标赛中

where I ended up placing 13th out of 33.

我在三十三个人里面排名第十三

Not bad, but definitely far from the best.

还不错啦，但是离第一名还是有很远的距离

After training with higher level players,

我开始开始与高级别玩家一起训练

and taking notes on matches I found online,

开始对在线的一些比赛视频认真做笔记

I started to travel to national tournaments,

之后我参加了国家的锦标赛

and before I knew it,

在我不知情的情况下

I was being whisked around the United States at the age of 17,

17岁的我，名声已经因为这个游戏

all because of a video game.

传遍了美国

Totally living the dream life, right?

我是不是过上了梦一般的生活？

This is how I ran head first

这就是我一腔热血加入

into the competitive Super Smash Brothers Melee community,

“任天堂明星大乱斗”这个小社会的开始，

a scene that I've been a part of for nearly ten years.

我在这个群体里呆了近十年。

I'm sure that when I say competitive gaming,

我知道当我在说电子竞技时，

you guys are imagining a room of people hunched over their laptops.

你们在想一屋子的人驼着背，抱着电脑。

Sometimes it can look like that,

有时候它的确看起来这样

but more often it looks something like this.

但是更多的时候是像这样的

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Because Smash Brothers Melee is such an old game,

因为“任天堂明星大乱斗”是个老游戏了

it requires those big, boxy TVs to be played on.

必须在那些很大的老台电视机上玩

Our players are so dedicated,

玩家们太喜欢这个游戏了

that they will actually lug these things onto their flights as carry-ons.

他们真的会把这种电视机打包带上飞机

(Laughter)

（笑声）

The community is also absurdly diverse.

这个游戏团体也非常的多元化

This is a photo of Apex, an annual tournament held in New Jersey.

这是Apex锦标赛的照片，在新泽西州

In 2013, over 1500 people showed up from 16 different countries.

在2013年，有1500人到场， 他们分别来自16个不同的国家

I feel like if 16 countries are flying out to New Jersey,

我觉得从这16国的玩家飞到新泽西这件事

that's saying something.

可以看出这个游戏的火热程度了

Sorry, New Jersey.

新泽西，抱歉啦

(Laughter)

（笑声）

In the gaming community,

在这个玩家社区中，

I was known by my gamer tag "_milktea,"

我的名称是“_奶茶“

but in real life, I was still very much just Lilian.

但是在真实生活中，我就是平凡的Lilian

When I was 17, I was shy and quiet,

在我17岁时，我很害羞也很安静

and I was often bullied by my classmates for being different, for being Asian.

作为一个亚洲人， 我的不同让我被同学欺负

Some of them made fun of the clothes I wore.

有的人取笑我的穿着

Others asked me out on dates as a joke.

有的人把约我出去约会当做玩笑

Another called me a Chinese prostitute.

有个人更是称呼我为中国的妓女

但是，当我是“_奶茶“时

But when I was "_milktea,"

I was part of a community that welcomed and accepted me.

我在玩家社区是完全地被接受并且受欢迎的

Except what's missing from this picture?

除了这图片少了什么呢

Do you see any women?

你看得见女性玩家吗？

When the gender imbalance is this large, social dynamics can become a bit skewed.

当性别平衡被大幅打破时， 社会秩序就会有所出轨

You get a lot more attention than you normally would.

你会得到非同一般的注意

［奶茶是个天使］

[milktea is an angel]

At the time, I didn't understand why I was getting this attention.

当时，我并不明白我为什么会得到这样的注意力

I just knew that it was so much better than what I was dealing with at school.

我只是觉得这比我在学校里得到的好多了 ［我爱奶茶］

[I love Milktea.]

Here's one of my favorites.

接下来是我最爱的几条

[Milktea chan you are really attractive.]

［奶茶陈，你真实太有魅力了］

[If I had to rate you for beauty I give you a 8 out of 10]

［如果10分是完美外貌的话，我给你8分］

［只是因为我暗恋另外一个女生太久了］

[Only because I've been crushing on another girl for a long time]

（笑声）

(Laughter)

But then, things took a turn for the worse.

但是，事情也可以因为我是个女生而变得很糟

[Why is everyone blaming milktea lol?]

［哈哈，为什么大家都在责怪奶茶？］

[She is a harlot.]

［因为她是个婊子］

[She doesn't like Smash, she just wants attention.]

［她并不喜欢这个游戏，只是想得到注意］

之后，你开始看到像下面这些评论，

And then you started to see comments like this.

［你这么有名只是因为在这屏幕中， 你成为了这帮呆子的性幻想对象］

[coz you're only known in the scene for being the subject of nerdy fantasies]

［在他们的梦里做着淫荡的事情］

[suck a **** in crappy smasher's dreams]

Over years, I began internalizing all of this,

这么多年来，我开始接受他们的想法

and then I took these attitudes and projected them onto other women.

我自己看别的女人时也是这些态度

"Ew, why is she so girly? Is she even a real gamer?"

“天呐！她怎么这么娇气？她真的是个玩家吗？”

I felt my voice shrinking and the resent growing inside of me,

我感觉到在我自己的声音开始消失的同时， 厌恶也在我心中成长

最终，我完全的离开了这个游戏社区

and eventually, I distanced myself from the Smash community altogether.

Fast forward a few years.

让我们快进到几年后

我在纽约找到了我第一份工作

I landed my first job in New York City.

There, I realized that sexist behavior didn't have to be the norm.

在那儿，我认识到性别歧视不总是常态

But nevertheless, I stayed quiet and withdrawn.

但是，我依然保持安静和疏离的态度

Public speaking? Never going to happen.

公众面前讲话？绝不可以发生。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But then, this Facebook comment appeared in my feed.

但是，这个评论在我的Facebook主页上出现

[Stop chalking up the terror of the internet to the Smash community.]

［停止把网络的恐怖联系到Smash社区］

[In general, we're very accepting of females]

［大多数情况下，我们非常接受女性］

I swear, at that very moment,

我发誓，在那一刻，

my inner wallflower spontaneously combusted.

我内心的壁垒自动被烧掉了

I started writing blog posts that talked about my experiences

我开始在博客上写下我的经历

and issues I had faced within the community,

以及我在这个群体里经历的事情

and to my surprise, they went viral within our scene.

让我吃惊的是，它们居然被迅速传播出去

A well-known fighting game website picked up one of my posts

一个著名的拳击游戏在网站上 放上了我的一个推送

and later on, Polygon, a gaming site, covered my future work.

后来，Polygon， 一个游戏网站， 给了我之后的工作

All of this led to the creation of The New Meta,

这一切让The New Meta产生了

a panel that I cofounded and moderated with the NYU Game Center.

一个我亲自建立，由纽约大学的 游戏中心进行维护的平台

We roped in tons of women from different gaming communities

我们从不同游戏社区拉拢进来 很多女性玩家

to talk about issues of sexism within gaming.

和她们一起讨论游戏中的性别歧视

But the entire panel's point was to raise awareness

实际上，这个平台的目的是让社会 注意到这个问题

in a way that did not shame male gamers.

以一种并不羞辱男性玩家的方式

As a woman, I was sexist,

作为一个女性，我曾经是性别歧视主义

and even misogynistic, against my own gender.

甚至我歧视的是女性，我自己的性别群体

Sometimes, when you've been immersed in an environment for long enough,

有时，当你陷入一个环境很久时

it can be hard to differentiate between harmful behaviors and normal ones.

它会让你很难去区分哪些行为是有害的， 哪些行为是无害的

While some gamers are intentionally malicious,

当一些玩家故意地变得非常恶毒时

some may not even realize

一些人可能都没有意识到

that they're perpetuating sexist behaviors in the first place.

他们从一开始已经将性别歧视当成一种常态了

Empathizing with these gamers is more productive

比起和别的玩家想法背道而驰

than outright dismissing them.

和他们想法一致在游戏中更有效

Initiate a conversation.

让我们发起一场讨论

Deconstruct these behaviors,

解析这些行为

no matter how obvious they might seem to you.

不过他们对于你来说有多么显而易见

And please, leave the accusatory tone behind.

并且，请摒弃掉那些指责

If I had been dismissed as a sexist neckbeard,

如果我是一个被忽略掉的，有着络腮胡的 性别歧视主义的男人

I wouldn't be on this stage talking to you right now.

我不会站在这里，和你们交流想法

And to my surprise,

令我惊讶的是

I found that people were willing to change, and they wanted to help.

我发现很多人想要改变，并且他们渴求帮助

[As a guy, how to treat girls in eSports equally?]

［我是个男生，怎么能在 eSport (运动游戏) 中平等的对待女孩子呢？］

［我尽力了，但还是需要一些建议］

[Trying my hardest, but advice would help.]

每当我对自己产生质疑的时候， 我都会收到这样的反馈。

And whenever I had any doubts, I started to receive feedback like this.

[I got a few female Smashers into the scene because of you.]

［我看到很多女孩因为你加入了 Smash 社区］

This entire experience has shown me

这个经历告诉了我

that my silence only further enabled sexism within gaming.

我在游戏中保持沉默是在纵容性别歧视。

Nobody is perfect.

没有人是完美的。

被这些歧视同化并且在人群中丧失自己 是非常容易的

Internalizing biases and becoming lost in them is deceptively easy.

By being vocal,

但是发出声音后

you force yourself and those around you

你就逼着自己和你身边的人

to reevaluate their actions and their perceptions.

去重新考量他们的做法和态度

Everyone in this room has a voice.

每个人都有他们自己的声音

You have to use it, and you have to use it responsibly.

你要学会使用它，并且负责任的使用它。

Not only can you provoke change,

只有你做出改变

but you can empower others to do so, too.

你才会影响别人做出同样的改变

Thank you.

谢谢大家

（掌声）

(Applause)