How I responded to sexism in gaming with empathy - Lilian Chen

我如何用同理心面對電玩世界的性別歧視 - 陳志微

譯者: Ng Yuen Yee 審譯者: Helen Chang

Peking House is my family-owned Chinese restaurant in Willimantic, Connecticut,

北京樓是我家經營的中國餐廳 位於康州的威利曼蒂克(Willimantic)

where I spent nearly 20 years growing up, before we sold it.

我在那裏生活了20年, 直到我們把它賣掉

My brother and I spent most of our time

我和弟弟

常常待在酒家後方的「工作室」

in the room in the back called "the office."

"The office" was really just a storage room,

「工作室」其實就是一個儲物室罷了

but it had our gaming systems,

但那裏有我們的電玩遊戲

and the game that we played the most was called Super Smash Brothers Melee.

我們最常玩的就是 「任天堂明星大亂鬥DX」 (Super Smash Brothers Melee)

For those who don't know,

如果你不知道的話

Super Smash Brothers Melee is an older fighting game

「任天堂明星大亂鬥DX」 是古早的一款打鬥遊戲

made for the Nintendo GameCube.

My brother and I spent hours playing this game,

我和弟弟 常花好幾小時玩這個遊戲

so much that we even challenged restaurant customers to matches.

我們甚至會向食客挑戰和較量

Eventually, my friends dragged me out to a local tournament,

我的朋友更因而推了我去 參加一個本地電玩比賽

where I ended up placing 13th out of 33.

33人的比賽中 我最後排第13位

Not bad, but definitely far from the best.

不太差, 但當然與頂尖玩家相差甚遠

After training with higher level players,

後來, 經過與一些高手學習

and taking notes on matches I found online,

和參考網上的比賽片段

I started to travel to national tournaments,

我開始參加不同的地區比賽

and before I knew it,

我從沒有想過

I was being whisked around the United States at the age of 17,

17歳就會穿越美國各州

all because of a video game.

全因為一個電子遊戲

Totally living the dream life, right?

這簡直是夢想人生 對吧?

This is how I ran head first

我也因此而撞進了

into the competitive Super Smash Brothers Melee community,

一個充滿競爭的 「任天堂明星大亂鬥DX」群組

a scene that I've been a part of for nearly ten years.

我在那待了接近10年

I'm sure that when I say competitive gaming,

我相信當我說激烈格鬥時

you guys are imagining a room of people hunched over their laptops.

你們必定在幻想 一屋抱著筆電的人的模樣

Sometimes it can look like that,

有時候的確會這樣

but more often it looks something like this.

但其實更多的時候是這樣

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Because Smash Brothers Melee is such an old game,

因為「任天堂明星大亂鬥DX」 實在是一個太舊的遊戲

it requires those big, boxy TVs to be played on.

需要用到很大的電視

Our players are so dedicated,

我們的玩家都非常熱心

that they will actually lug these things onto their flights as carry-ons.

他們會帶著這些器材上機

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

The community is also absurdly diverse.

這群組的人更是意想不到地多元化

This is a photo of Apex, an annual tournament held in New Jersey.

這照片攝於新澤西州的 一個年度比賽 Apex

In 2013, over 1500 people showed up from 16 different countries.

2013年, 超過1500位 來自16個不同國家的玩家參加比賽

I feel like if 16 countries are flying out to New Jersey,

我想如果16個國家的人 都湧入新澤西州

that's saying something.

那定必意味著什麼

Sorry, New Jersey.

對不起 新澤西州

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

In the gaming community,

在電玩群組中

I was known by my gamer tag "_milktea,"

我叫做"_奶茶"

but in real life, I was still very much just Lilian.

但在現實生活中我仍是Lilian

When I was 17, I was shy and quiet,

17歳時 我很安靜和怕羞

and I was often bullied by my classmates for being different, for being Asian.

我常被同學欺凌 因為我的不一樣 因為我是亞洲人

Some of them made fun of the clothes I wore.

他們取笑我的衣著

Others asked me out on dates as a joke.

假裝要與我約會

Another called me a Chinese prostitute.

甚至會叫我中國妓女

But when I was "_milktea,"

但當我是"_奶茶"的時候

I was part of a community that welcomed and accepted me.

我有一個接納和歡迎我的群組

Except what's missing from this picture?

但這照片缺少甚麼?

Do you see any women?

你們看見女性嗎?

When the gender imbalance is this large, social dynamics can become a bit skewed.

當性別失衡的情況是如此明顯 群體中的活動很容易被曲解

You get a lot more attention than you normally would.

你會特別容易引起注意

[奶茶是天使]

[milktea is an angel]

At the time, I didn't understand why I was getting this attention.

那時不知道為何會這樣

I just knew that it was so much better than what I was dealing with at school.

我只知道 這比我在學校面對的好多了

[我愛奶茶]

[I love Milktea.]

Here's one of my favorites.

這是我最愛的其中一句

[Milktea chan you are really attractive.]

[陳奶茶 你真的很正]

[If I had to rate you for beauty I give you a 8 out of 10]

[如果要為你的美評分 10分滿分我會給你8分]

[Only because I've been crushing on another girl for a long time]

[因為我已愛上了另一個女孩很久了]

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

But then, things took a turn for the worse.

但是 事情又開始變糟

[Why is everyone blaming milktea lol?]

[為什麼 你們都責罵奶茶 lol?]

[She is a harlot.]

[她是妓女]

[She doesn't like Smash, she just wants attention.]

[她根本不愛「大亂鬥DX」 她只是想得到注意]

你開始會看到這樣的評論

And then you started to see comments like this.

[因為妳只是宅宅女神 其他什麼都不是]

[coz you're only known in the scene for being the subject of nerdy fantasies]

[在笨宅宅的綺夢中含**]

[suck a **** in crappy smasher's dreams]

Over years, I began internalizing all of this,

這些年間, 我內化了他們的態度

and then I took these attitudes and projected them onto other women.

我更把這些態度 投放在其他女性身上

"Ew, why is she so girly? Is she even a real gamer?"

"她為什麼如此嬌柔?" "她真的是個玩家嗎?"

I felt my voice shrinking and the resent growing inside of me,

我感到我的聲音縮小 而憤怒在心中滋長

and eventually, I distanced myself from the Smash community altogether.

最後 我開始遠離這個電玩群組

Fast forward a few years.

跳到幾年後

I landed my first job in New York City.

我得到第一份工作 在紐約

There, I realized that sexist behavior didn't have to be the norm.

在那裏我了解到 性別規範的行為不是唯一的標準

But nevertheless, I stayed quiet and withdrawn.

但是 我仍舊是什麼都不說 與人保持距離

Public speaking? Never going to happen.

要我公開演說? 絕不可能發生

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

But then, this Facebook comment appeared in my feed.

但是, 我的臉書上 出現了這個留言

[Stop chalking up the terror of the internet to the Smash community.]

[我想我們是時候停止 在網上記錄對群組的恐懼]

[我們絕大部都是非常接納女性的]

[In general, we're very accepting of females]

I swear, at that very moment,

我發誓 在那一刻

my inner wallflower spontaneously combusted.

在我心中的害羞女孩 同時被燃點了

I started writing blog posts that talked about my experiences

我開始在網誌寫下 我在群組中的經驗和遇到的問題

and issues I had faced within the community,

我十分驚訝 我的文字被廣泛流傳

and to my surprise, they went viral within our scene.

A well-known fighting game website picked up one of my posts

一個知名的遊戲網站揀選了我其中一篇的網誌

and later on, Polygon, a gaming site, covered my future work.

其後 一個遊戲網站 Polygon 記錄了我之後的工作

All of this led to the creation of The New Meta,

這一切引領我們創立了 The New Meta

a panel that I cofounded and moderated with the NYU Game Center.

一個我與紐約大學遊戲中心 共同創立和管理的小組

We roped in tons of women from different gaming communities

我們找來很多 來自不同遊戲群組的女性

to talk about issues of sexism within gaming.

講述當中所遇到的性別歧視問題

But the entire panel's point was to raise awareness

我們整個小組希望可以 提升大家對問題的關注

in a way that did not shame male gamers.

而不是貶抑男性玩家

As a woman, I was sexist,

作為一個女性 我也曾有性別歧視

and even misogynistic, against my own gender.

甚至討厭女性 反對自己的性別

Sometimes, when you've been immersed in an environment for long enough,

有時候 當你長期沈浸在一個環境內

it can be hard to differentiate between harmful behaviors and normal ones.

會令你難以分辨 具傷害性和正常的行為

While some gamers are intentionally malicious,

有些玩家固然是惡意的

some may not even realize

但有些人甚至沒發現

that they're perpetuating sexist behaviors in the first place.

自己延續著性別歧視的觀念

Empathizing with these gamers is more productive

設身處地去瞭解這些玩家

比起排擠他們要來得更實際

than outright dismissing them.

Initiate a conversation.

展開對話

Deconstruct these behaviors,

破解這些行為

no matter how obvious they might seem to you.

即使你可能已經很清楚

And please, leave the accusatory tone behind.

還有 請你放下指責的態度

If I had been dismissed as a sexist neckbeard,

如果我當時 因為歧視別人的性別而被排擠

I wouldn't be on this stage talking to you right now.

我現在不可能在台上和你們說話

And to my surprise,

令我驚訝的是

I found that people were willing to change, and they wanted to help.

我發現人們都是願意改變的 他們都希望幫忙

[作為一個男性 我可以如何 公平對待eSports的女玩家?]

[As a guy, how to treat girls in eSports equally?]

[我很努力 但我需要些建議]

[Trying my hardest, but advice would help.]

毎毎我有所懷疑的時候 我就會收到這樣的回覆

And whenever I had any doubts, I started to receive feedback like this.

[I got a few female Smashers into the scene because of you.]

[ 我有幾個玩 "任" 的女性朋友 包括我的女朋友 都因為你而站出來 分享自己的經歷]

This entire experience has shown me

整個過程令我明白

that my silence only further enabled sexism within gaming.

沉默只會令電玩世界的 性別歧視繼續下去

Nobody is perfect.

沒有人是完美的

Internalizing biases and becoming lost in them is deceptively easy.

偏見非常容易被內化 並讓人迷失

By being vocal,

藉著發聲

you force yourself and those around you

你迫使自己和周邊的人

to reevaluate their actions and their perceptions.

去重新思考他們的行為和觀念

Everyone in this room has a voice.

這房裡的毎一個人都有權發聲

You have to use it, and you have to use it responsibly.

你要發言 且要負責任地發言

Not only can you provoke change,

你不單只能夠引起改變

but you can empower others to do so, too.

你亦能令其他人這樣做

Thank you.

謝謝

(Applause)

(掌聲)