Dena Simmons: How students of color confront impostor syndrome | TED

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Camille Martínez

譯者: Melody Tang 審譯者: 易帆 余

我的生命旅途， 是從紐約布朗克斯區的一間

So, my journey began in the Bronx, New York,

一房一廳公寓開始的。

in a one-bedroom apartment,

with my two sisters and immigrant mother.

我有兩個姐姐和移民的媽媽。

I loved our neighborhood.

我很喜愛我們的社區，

It was lively.

那裡非常熱鬧。

There was all this merengue blasting,

經常有人在大跳美倫格舞。

neighbors socializing on building stoops

鄰居們在門廊上聊天，

and animated conversations over domino playing.

玩骨牌時參雜著生動活潑的對話。

It was home,

那是我的家，

and it was sweet.

一個甜蜜的家。

But it wasn't simple.

但是我們的社區並不單純。

In fact, everyone at school knew the block where we lived,

事實上，學校的每個人 都知道我們住的那個區域，

because it was where people came to buy weed and other drugs.

因為大家都知道那裡 可以買到大麻和其他的毒品。

And with drug-dealing comes conflict,

而伴隨著毒品交易 就一定有衝突事件，

so we often went to sleep to the sound of gunshots.

所以我們時常在槍聲中入眠。

I spent much of my childhood worried,

我小時候經常很擔心，

擔心我們的安全。

worried about our safety.

And so did our mother.

我的母親也一樣。

She worried that the violence we witnessed would overtake our lives;

她擔心我們目睹的暴力行為， 會在我們的生命裡留下陰影；

that our poverty meant

而我們的貧窮也意味著

與我們住在同一空間的鄰居，

that the neighbors with whom we lived and shared space

would harm us.

可能會傷害我們。

Our entire life was in the Bronx,

我們的整個生活圈都在布朗克斯區，

but my mother's anxiety spurred her into action,

但是我母親的憂慮 促使她採取行動。

and soon we were driving so fast to Connecticut --

不久後，我們驅車前往 康乃狄克州，一路狂飆，

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

to boarding school campuses, with full scholarships in tow.

去到一所有全額獎學金的寄宿學校。

Man, don't underestimate the power of a mother

老兄，千萬不要低估 一個母親的能力，

determined to keep her children safe.

尤其是當她決心 保護孩子的安全的時候。

（歡呼）

(Cheers)

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

At boarding school,

在住宿學校，

for the first time,

平生第一次，

I was able to sleep without worry.

我得以無憂無慮的入睡。

I could leave my dorm room unlocked,

我可以不用鎖宿舍的門，

walk barefoot in the grass,

赤腳走在草地上，

and look up to see a night sky full of stars.

仰頭看著佈滿星星的夜空。

這些是讓我很快樂的新鮮事。

Happy novelties.

但是還有其他的新鮮事。

But there were other novelties as well.

Very quickly, I felt like I didn't belong.

很快地，我覺得格格不入。

I learned that I didn't speak the right way,

我發現我說話的方式 和其他人不一樣，

and to demonstrate the proper ways of speaking,

為了示範如何正確地說話，

my teachers gave me frequent lessons, in public,

我的老師經常當眾糾正我，

on the appropriate way to enunciate certain words.

如何正確地唸一些語詞。

有一次，老師直接在走廊上教我：

A teacher once instructed me in the hallway:

「Aaaaaas-king」（問）

"Aaaaaas-king."

She said this loudly.

她說得很大聲。

「蒂娜，不是『axing』 那是你拿著一把斧頭到處走。

"Dena, it's not 'axing,' like you're running around with an axe.

That's silly."

那很可笑。」

在那時，你可想像 我的同班同學都在竊笑，

Now at this point, you can imagine the snickers of my classmates,

but she continued:

但是她繼續說：

"Think about breaking the word into 'ass' and 'king,'

「試試把這個字分成『ass』 和『king』兩個字，

and then put the two together to say it correctly --

然後把這兩個字連起來， 正確地唸出來——

'Asking.'"

Asking」。

There were some other moments that reminded me that I didn't belong.

其它時候我也經常覺得格格不入。

Once, I walked into a classmate's dorm room,

有一次，我走進一個 同學的宿舍房間，

我注意到她一直在注意 在我身邊的貴重物品。

and I watched her watch her valuables around me.

Like, why would she do that? I thought to myself.

我那時想，她為什麼會這樣呢？

And then there was the time

另一次是，

when another classmate walked into my dorm room,

有另一位同學走進我的宿舍房間，

and yelled, "Ew!" as I was applying hair grease to my scalp.

當她看到我在頭髮上抹油。 她大聲叫，「噁！」

年輕人會有情緒傷害， 如果他不能做他自己，

There is emotional damage done when young people can't be themselves,

when they are forced to edit who they are in order to be acceptable.

或是他被迫改變自己 來讓別人接納他們。

It's a kind of violence.

那是一種暴力行為。

Ultimately, I'm a quintessential success story.

終究，我是一個典型的成功故事。

I attended boarding school and college in New England,

我就學於新英格蘭州的 寄宿學校和大學，

studied abroad in Chile

也去過智利留學，

and returned to the Bronx to be a middle school teacher.

然後我回到布朗柯斯區 當一位中學老師。

我拿過杜魯門獎學金、

I received a Truman Scholarship,

a Fulbright and a Soros Fellowship.

富布萊特獎學金、和索羅斯獎學金。

And I could list more.

我可以繼續告訴你其它的。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

但我不會。

But I won't.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I earned my doctorate at Columbia University.

我從哥倫比亞大學得到博士學位。

(Cheers)

（歡呼）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

And then I landed a job at Yale.

然後從耶魯大學拿到一個工作。

（掌聲）

(Applause)

I am proud of everything that I've been able to accomplish

我對我到目前為止的所有成就

感到驕傲。

on my journey thus far.

I have eternal imposter syndrome.

但是我一直有冒牌者症候群。

我被邀請的原因， 是因為我象徵著某一群人，

Either I've been invited because I'm a token,

而不是因為我個人，

which really isn't about me,

but rather, about a box someone needed to check off.

又或者因為我在別人的待辦事項上。

Or, I am exceptional,

或是，我的出類拔萃，

which means I've had to leave the people I love behind.

是因為我必須拋下我深愛的人。

It's the price that I and so many others pay for learning while black.

但這些是我和其他許多黑人 為了學習所付出的代價。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I police myself all the time.

我常常檢視自己。

我的褲子太緊嗎？

Are my pants too tight?

Should I wear my hair up or in a fro?

我應該把頭髮盤上去 或是讓它自然蓬鬆？

Should I speak up for myself,

我是否應該為自己發言，

or will the power of my words be reduced to: "She's angry"?

或者我說話的力道是否 被解讀為「她生氣了」？

我為何要離開布朗克斯區

Why did I have to leave the Bronx

to gain access to a better education?

去得到更好的教育？

And why, in the process of getting that better education,

還有為什麼， 為了得到更好的教育過程當中，

did I have to endure the trauma of erasing what made me, me --

我必須忍受不能當自己的創傷？

a black girl from the Bronx, raised by an Antiguan mother?

不能當一位來自布朗克斯區， 由安提瓜母親所養大的黑人女孩？

So when I think about our current education reform initiatives,

所以當我思考 我們現在的教育改革計劃，

I can't help asking:

我不禁要問：

我們有色人種的學生， 對他們自己了不了解？

What are our students of color learning about themselves?

Three -- three decades of research reveal

30 年來的研究顯示，

有色人種學生被休學和退學的比率，

that students of color are suspended and expelled

at a rate three times greater than white students,

是白人學生的三倍，

同樣的違規行為， 他們被處罰得較嚴厲。

and are punished in harsher ways for the same infractions.

他們也了解

They also learn this through the absence of their lives and narratives

in the curricula.

課本中缺少了他們的生活與故事。

The Cooperative Children's Book Center did a review of nearly 4,000 books

合作兒童圖書中心 做了近四千本書的審查，

and found that only three percent were about African-Americans.

發現只有百分之三的書 是有關非裔美國人的。

And they further learn this

他們更進一步知道 和他們面貌相同的教師也很少。

through the lack of teachers that look like them.

An analysis of data

國家教育統計中心的

from the National Center for Education Statistics

分析資料當中發現，

found that 45 percent of our nation's pre-K to high school students

我們國家從學前到高中 有 45% 的學生

were people of color,

是有色人種，

while only 17 percent of our teachers are.

但有色人種的教師只有 17%。

Our youth of color pay a profound price

我們的有色人種青年 付出了相當大的代價，

when their schooling sends them the message

因為他們的學校給他們的訊息是

that they must be controlled,

他們必須被控制，

that they must leave their identities at home

他們必須將他們的身分留在家裡，

in order to be successful.

才能夠出人頭地。

每個小孩

Every child deserves an education

that guarantees the safety to learn

無論膚色，

in the comfort of one's own skin.

都有安心學習的權利。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

It is possible to create emotionally and physically safe classrooms

創造身心安全的教學環境

學生的課業才有可能 表現得越來越好。

where students also thrive academically.

I know, because I did it in my classroom

我知道這點，因為當我 回到朗克斯區去教書的時候，

when I returned to teach in the Bronx.

我的班級就是如此。

So what did that look like?

所以那是什麼樣子呢？

我的教學是以

I centered my instruction

學生的生活、歷史 和他們的身分為中心。

on the lives, histories and identities of my students.

And I did all of this because I wanted my students to know

我如此做是因為我要我的學生知道，

that everyone around them was supporting them

他們周圍的所有人都支持他們

to be their best self.

發揮最好的一面。

雖然我無法控制 他們的家庭穩不穩定，

So while I could not control the instability of their homes,

the uncertainty of their next meal,

他們的下一餐在哪裡，

or the loud neighbors that kept them from sleep,

或者吵鬧的鄰居讓他們無法睡覺，

I provided them with a loving classroom

但我可以提供他們一個愛的教室，

讓他們對自己是誰感到驕傲，

that made them feel proud of who they are,

that made them know that they mattered.

讓他們知道他們很重要。

You know,

你知道，

every time I hear or say the word "asking,"

每次我聽到或要說 「asking」這個字的時候，

I am in high school again.

我就又回想到高中時期。

我會想把「ass」和「king」

I am thinking about "ass" and "king"

兩個字連在一起說出來，

and putting the two together so that I speak in a way

因為這樣的說話方式， 有權勢的人才能聽見我說的話。

where someone in power will want to listen.

但有一種更好的方式，

There is a better way,

one that doesn't force kids of color into a double bind;

一種不用迫使有色人種孩子 進退兩難的方式；

a way for them to preserve their ties

一種讓他們可以與他們的親人、

to their families, homes and communities;

家庭和社區維持緊密關係的方式；

a way that teaches them to trust their instincts

一種教導他們相信自己的本能，

and to have faith in their own creative genius.

並對自己的創造天分有信心的方式。

謝謝。

Thank you.

(Applause)

（掌聲）