Inés Hercovich: Why women stay silent after sexual assault (with English subtitles) | TED

翻译人员: Nancy Shen 校对人员: Nan Yang

There are about 5,000 women here today.

今天到场的大概有 5000 位女性。

Among us, 1,250 have been or will be sexually assaulted

在我们这些女性里， 有 1250 名女性已经

at some point in our lives.

或者将会在人生中的某个阶段遭受侵犯。

One in four.

而在这四分之一的被性侵人数中，

Only 10 percent will report it.

只有百分之十的女性会讲出来。

The other 90 percent take refuge in silence --

而剩下百分之九十的女性 则会选择去沉默地逃避，

half of them, because the incident involves a close family member

其中的一半是因为事件 牵扯到了一位亲密的家庭成员

or someone they know,

或者一个她们认识的人，

and that makes it much more difficult to deal with and talk about.

所以她们觉得更难面对或者讲起。

The other half don't talk about it

另外一半的女性根本不会去谈论它，

because they fear they won’t be believed.

是因为她们害怕没人会相信。

And they're right -- because we don't.

她们是对的——我们确实不信。

Today I want to share with you why I think we don't believe them.

今天我想和大家分享

为什么我觉得大家不会相信这些受害者。

We don't believe them because when a woman tells what happened to her,

我们不会相信她们 ，是因为当一位女性

讲述自己的经历的时候，

she tells us things we can't imagine,

她讲述的事都是我们很难想象的，

things that disturb us,

会让我们感觉很不舒服，

things we don't expect to hear,

也是我们不曾想听到的、

things that shock us.

意料之外的事。

We expect to hear stories like this one:

我们期待会听到的是:

"Girl raped near the Mitre Railroad tracks.

"一个少女在 Mitre 铁道的附近被强奸。

It happened at midnight as she was on her way home.

事件发生在午夜， 她正在回家的路上。

She said that someone attacked her from behind,

她说有人从后方袭击了她，

told her not to scream, said he had a gun and that she shouldn't move.

告诉她不许大喊， 说他有枪，并告诉她不要动。

He raped her and then fled the scene."

他强奸了少女并逃离了现场。"

When we hear or read a story like this,

当我们听到或者读到 一则这样的故事的时候，

we immediately visualize it:

会马上开始想象现场的场景：

the rapist, a depraved lower-class man.

一个强奸犯，颓废的人渣。

And the victim, a young, attractive woman.

还有一个受害者，年轻貌美的女性。

The image only lasts 10 or 20 seconds, and it's dark and two-dimensional;

我们想象的场景只有 10 到 20 秒， 画面很黑，而且是二维的；

there's no movement, no sound; it's as if there were no people involved.

没有动作， 没有声音； 好像里面没有人参与。

But when a woman tells her story, it doesn't fit in 10 or 20 seconds.

但是当一个女性讲述自己经历的时候， 不可能在 10 到 20 秒内就讲完。

The following is the testimony of a woman I'll call "Ana."

接下来要分享的是 一位我称为 "Ana" 的女性的证言。

She's one of the 85 women I interviewed

她是我采访过的 85 位女性中的一位。

while conducting research on sexual assault.

当时我在进行性侵犯的研究，

Ana told me:

Ana 告诉我：

"I had gone with the girls in the office to the same pub we always go to.

"我和办公室的姐妹们 一起去了我们经常去的酒吧。

We met some guys,

认识了几个小伙子，

and I hooked up with this super cool guy; we talked a lot.

我和其中一个超酷的男生很合得来， 所以我们聊了很久。

Around 4am, I told my friends it was time to go.

大概凌晨 4 点， 我告诉姐妹们我们该走了，

They wanted to stay.

但她们却想留下。

So, the guy asked me where I lived

所以 ，那个男生问我住在哪，

and said if it was OK with me, he'd drive me home.

说如果我同意，他可以载我回家。

I agreed, and we left.

我答应了，然后和他一起离开了酒吧。

At a stoplight, he told me he liked me and touched my leg.

在等红绿灯的时候， 他说他很喜欢我，然后摸了我的腿。

I don't like a guy to approach me that way,

我不喜欢男生这么靠近我，

but he had been affectionate all night.

但是他整晚都很热情，

I thought, 'I shouldn't be so paranoid.

我告诉自己 ："不用想太多，

What if I say something but he didn't mean anything by it,

如果我现在质疑他， 而他其实并没想干什么，

and I offend him?'

那我就冒犯了他。"

When he should have made a turn, he kept going straight.

到该转弯的时候，他却一直往前开。

I thought he had made a mistake, and I said,

我以为他开错了，并告诉他：

'You should have turned there.'

"你刚才应该转弯的。"

But something felt off.

但是我感觉有点不对劲。

Thinking back, I wonder,

现在想起来，我也不知道

'Why didn't I pay attention to what I was feeling?'

为什么当时没有听从自己的心声。

When he pulled over near the highway,

当他停在了高速路的旁边，

that's when I got scared.

我才真的怕了。

But he told me to relax, that he liked me,

但是他告诉我要放松， 说他很喜欢我，

and that nothing would happen unless I wanted it to.

并说如果我不愿意， 他是不会强迫我做什么的。

He was nice.

他的态度还挺好的。

I didn't say anything,

我就什么也没说，

because I was afraid he would get angry,

因为我很怕把他弄急了，

and that things would get worse.

把情况搞得更糟。

I thought he might have a gun in the glove compartment.

万一他车里有枪怎么办。

Suddenly, he jumped on me and tried to kiss me.

突然，他扑到我身上，试图亲吻我。

I said no. I wanted to push him away, but he was holding my arms down.

我拒绝了，我想把他推开， 但是他狠狠按住我的胳膊。

When I wriggled free, I tried to open the door, but it was locked.

我使劲挣脱了 ，想打开车门， 但是他已经把门锁了。

And even if I had gotten out, where would I have gone?

而且即使我下了车，又能去哪呢?

I told him he wasn't the kind of guy who needed to do that to be with a girl,

我告诉他 ，他不应该是 对女生能做出这种事的男生，

and that I liked him, too, but not in that way.

而且我也喜欢他， 但不代表他能做出这种举动。

I tried to calm him down.

我试着安抚他。

I said nice things about him.

对他说好话。

I talked to him as if I were his older sister.

我以姐姐的口吻和他讲话。

Suddenly, he covered my mouth with one hand

突然 ，他用一只手捂住了我的嘴，

and with the other hand he unbuckled his belt.

用另一只手解开了腰带。

I thought right then he would kill me, strangle me, you know?

当时我还以为他想勒死我，

I never felt so alone,

我从没有过这么孤独的时刻，

like I had been kidnapped.

好像被人绑架。

I asked him to finish quickly and then take me home."

我告诉他赶快完事，然后送我回家。”

How did you feel listening to this story?

听了这个故事你有什么感想?

Surely, several questions arose.

肯定会有几个问题吧？

For example: Why didn't she roll down the window and call for help?

比如: 为什么她没有摇下车窗呼救?

Why didn't she get out of the car when she felt something bad might happen?

为什么她觉得不对劲的时候 没有赶快下车?

How could she ask him to take her home?

为什么她让这个男的送她回家?

Now, when we hear this kind of story not on the news

要注意的是，当我们从 像这样的非新闻途径听到这类故事时，

or from someone like me, presenting it on a stage like this --

比如像我这样的演讲者在台上讲述时，

when we're hearing it from someone we know

或者从我们认识的人那里听到时，

who chose to entrust us with the story of what happened to them,

那些人因为相信我们 所以愿意分享她们的经历，

we'll have to listen.

我们必须要聆听。

And we'll hear things we won't be able to understand --

其中的有些内容我们也许不能理解

or accept.

或接受。

And then doubts, questions and suspicion will creep in.

之后困惑、问题和怀疑都会出现。

And that is going to make us feel really bad and guilty.

这让我们感觉很糟 ，很有负罪感。

So to protect ourselves from the discomfort, we have an option.

为了保护自己不受这种折磨。 我们有一个选择。

We turn up the volume on all the parts of the story

就是把注意力集中在故事中

that we expected to hear:

我们希望听到的部分：

a gun in the glove compartment, the locked doors, the isolated location.

车里的枪 ，锁住的车门，偏远的地点。

And we turn down the volume on all the parts of the story

我们试图去忽视故事中

that we didn't expect to hear

我们不希望听到

and that we don't want to hear;

和不想听到的部分；

like when she tells him that she liked him, too,

比如她告诉男生她也喜欢他，

or when she tells us she spoke to him as if she were his older sister,

或者她告诉我们 她像姐姐一样和他交流，

or that she asked him to take her home.

或者她让他载她回家。

Why do we do this?

我们为什么要这样做呢?

It's so we can believe her;

这样我们才能相信她；

so we can feel confident that she really was a victim.

才能有信心地、真正地 把她当作受害者。

I call this "victimization of the victim."

我称这个为 "受害者的受害化"。

"Victimization," because in order to believe she's innocent,

称之为 "受害化" 的原因， 是为了相信她是无辜的，

that she's a victim,

她是受害者，

we need to think of her as helpless, paralyzed, mute.

我们需要把她看成是无助， 软弱和沉默的人物。

But there's another way to avoid the discomfort.

但还有另一种方式可以避免不适感。

And it's exactly the opposite:

而且是完全相反的方式:

we turn up the volume on the things we didn't expect to hear,

我们更多地去关注 那些我们不期望去听到的部分，

such as "I spoke nicely to him," "I asked him to take me home,"

比如 “我友好地与他谈话，” “我请他送我回家，”

"I asked him to finish quickly,"

和 “我让他快点结束。”

and we turn down the volume on the things we did expect to hear:

然后我们忽视那些期望听到的东西：

the gun in the glove compartment,

在车中的枪，

the isolation.

和被隔离的状态。

Why do we do this?

我们为什么要这样做呢?

We do it so we can cling to the doubts

这样我们才能抓住这些怀疑，

and feel more comfortable about them.

才能开始慢慢理解。

Then, new questions arise, for instance:

然后新的问题会出现 ，比如:

Who told her go to those clubs?

谁让她去那些酒吧的?

You saw how she and her friends were dressed, right?

你看到她和朋友们如何打扮了吧?

Those miniskirts, those necklines?

超短裙， 低胸上装?

What do you expect?

不然还会是什么?

Questions that aren't really questions, but rather, judgments --

这样的疑问并不算是真正的问题， 而是对她们的评判，

judgments that end in a verdict:

这样的评判得出的结论是:

she asked for it.

她自找的。

That finding would be verified by the fact

这样的结论是被事实证明的，

that she didn't mention having struggled to avoid being raped.

也就是她没有提到 自己在被强奸前有过挣扎。

So that means she didn't resist.

也代表着在说她其实根本没抵抗。

It means she consented.

她默认了恶行。

If she asked for it and allowed it,

如果是她自找的， 并且同意了此行为，

how are we calling it rape?

我们怎么能称之为强奸呢?

I call this "blaming the victim."

我管这个叫 "受害者有罪论"。

These arguments that serve us both to blame and to victimize,

这些让人们进行指责受害者的言论，

we all have them in our heads, at hand --

我们肯定都有想过，

including victims and perpetrators.

包括受害者和侵害者自己也想过。

So much so, that when Ana came to me,

正因如此，当 Ana 来找我聊的时候，

she told me she didn't know

她告诉我她不知道

if her testimony was going to be of any use,

自己的证词是不是会有用，

because she wasn't sure if what happened to her qualified as rape.

因为她不确定发生在她身上的事 算不算是强奸。

Ana believed, like most of us,

Ana 确信，正如我们大多数人一样，

that rape is more like armed robbery --

强奸更应该像是武装抢劫——

a violent act that lasts 4 or 5 minutes --

一种持续四五分钟的恶行，

and not smooth talking from a nice guy

而并不是和一个看上去不错的男生

that lasts all night and ends in a kidnapping.

整晚畅谈，然后变成一场绑架。

When she felt afraid she might be killed,

当她害怕自己可能会被杀害时，

she was afraid to be left with scars,

她很害怕会落下伤痕，

and she had to give her body to avoid it.

所以必须放弃自己的身体。

That's when she knew that rape was something different.

也正是在这时， 她意识到强奸是不一样的。

Ana had never talked about this with anyone.

Ana 从没和任何人讲起这件事。

She could have turned to her family,

她本可以告诉自己的家人，

but she didn't.

但她并没有，

She didn't because she was afraid.

因为她很害怕。

She was afraid the person she'd choose to tell her story to

害怕不管她选择把这个故事讲给谁听，

would have the same reaction as the rest of us:

人们都会有和我们相同的反应：

they'd have doubts, suspicions;

会充满困惑、怀疑；

those same questions we always have when it comes to things like this.

会有在此类事情发生时 人们常有的那些问题。

And if that had happened,

当这样的事发生时，

it would have been worse, perhaps, than the rape itself.

事情可能会比强奸本身更糟。

She could have talked to a friend or a sister.

她本来也可以选择告诉 自己的朋友或者姐妹。

And with her partner, it would have been extremely difficult:

若是有男友或丈夫的姑娘， 情况会非常糟：

the slightest hint of doubt on his face or in his voice

男方脸上或者声音里有的丝毫疑虑

would have been devastating for her

对于女方来说都是毁灭性的，

and would have probably meant the end of their relationship.

然后可能会造成他们感情的破裂。

Ana keeps silent because deep down she knows

Ana 保持了沉默， 因为在内心深处她知道：

that nobody -- none of us, not her family or therapists,

没有人——我们中没有人， 包括她的家人和心理医生，

let alone the police or judges --

更不用说警察和法官——

are willing to hear what Ana actually did in that moment.

会希望听到 Ana 在那时 究竟做了什么。

First and foremost, Ana said, "No."

首先，Ana 说了 “不”。

When she saw that her "no" didn't help,

当她发现说 “不” ， 并没有产生任何效果时，

she spoke nicely to him.

她选择了友好地和他谈话。

She tried not to exacerbate his violence

她试图不去加剧他的暴力，

or give him ideas.

或者给他任何暗示。

She talked to him as if everything that was happening were normal,

她和他聊天就好像发生的 所有事情都是正常的一样，

so he wouldn't be thinking that she would turn him in later.

这样他就不会觉得 她会在之后举报他。

Now, I wonder and I ask all of you:

现在 ，我在想如果我问你们：

All those things she did --

她所做的所有事情

isn't that considered resisting?

难道不属于抵抗吗？

No.

不是的。

For all or at least most of us, it's not,

对于所有或至少大多数人来说， 不属于。

probably because it's not "resisting" in the eyes of the law.

或许这是因为从法律的 角度来看它不属于 “抵抗”。

In most countries,

在大多数的国家，

the laws still require that the victim prove her innocence --

法律仍要求受害者证明她的无辜——

that's right: the victim needs to prove her innocence --

这没错：受害者需要去证明她的无辜——

by showing marks on her body

通过去展示身上的伤痕

as evidence that she engaged in a vigorous and continuous fight

作为她被牵扯到了一个 与施暴者激烈而持续的打斗的证明。

with her aggressor.

I can assure you, in most court cases,

我可以向你保证， 在大多数的案件中，

no amount of marks is ever enough.

即使有一定数量的伤痕也是不够的。

I listened to many women's stories.

我聆听过许多女人的故事。

And I didn't hear any of them talking about themselves

并且我没有听过她们 任何一个人去谈论她们自己，

as if they had been reduced to a thing,

就好像她们被降格为了一件物品，

totally subjected to the will of the other.

一件完全服从对方意志的物品。

Rather, they sounded astonished and even a little proud

相较来说，她们听起来很吃惊， 甚至有些自豪。

looking back

她们事后回想：

and thinking how clear-headed they had been at the time,

觉得她们当时的头脑 一直都保持着清醒，

of how much attention they paid to every detail,

有多么注意到了每个细节，

as if that would allow them to exert some control over what was happening.

仿佛这么做就能让她们 多少控制住已经发生了的事情。

Then I realized,

接着我意识到，

of course --

当然——

what women are doing in these situations

女性在这类事件中所做的

is negotiating.

就是去谈判妥协。

They're trading sex for life.

她们用性来交换性命。

They ask the aggressor to finish quickly,

她们请求侵犯者迅速地结束，

so everything is over as soon as possible and at the lowest cost.

这样事情才能尽快结束， 把损害降到最低。

They subject themselves to penetration,

她们让自己的身体被侵入，

because believe it or not,

信不信由你，

penetration is what keeps them furthest

被侵入让她们尽量得远离

from a sexual or emotional scenario.

性或者情感的场景。

They subject themselves to penetration,

她们让自己被侵入，

because penetration is less painful

是因为相对于亲吻， 爱抚和温柔的话语，

than kisses, caresses and gentle words.

侵入是比较不痛苦的。

Now, if we continue to expect

现在，如果我们继续去认为

rape to be what it very rarely is --

强暴是那种不太可能发生的事情，

with the rapist as a depraved lower-class man

强暴犯们都是社会底层的颓废男性，

and not a university student or a businessman

而不是会在周五或周六的晚上

who goes out chasing after girls on a Friday or Saturday;

出门追求女性的大学生或商人；

if we keep expecting the victims to be demure women

如果我们继续认为受害者

who faint on the scene,

都是会在现场昏倒的 拘谨懦弱的女性，

and not self-confident women --

而不是自信的女人——

we will continue to be unable to listen.

那么我们无法倾听的情况 将会继续出现。

Women will continue to be unable to speak.

而女性无法将事情说出的情况 也将会继续存在。

And we will all continue to be responsible

而我们也将要继续为她们的沉默

for that silence

以及孤独

and their solitude.

负起责任。

(Applause)

(掌声)