Bryce Dallas Howard: How to Preserve Your Private Life in the Age of Social Media | TED

翻译人员: Rocky Stone 校对人员: Yuwei Wu

In 2016, I filmed an episode of "Black Mirror"

2016 年， 我拍了一集《黑镜》，

called "Nosedive."

叫做《急转直下》。

It's about a woman named Lacie who lives in a futuristic world

它讲述了一位生活在 未来世界中的女性蕾西的故事，

where everyone rates your social interactions.

在这个世界中， 大家会对你的社交行为评分。

And for anyone who hasn't seen it, a little spoiler.

如果有人没看过， 我在这里剧透一下。

I basically have a nervous breakdown, trying really hard to get liked.

在剧中，我基本精神崩溃， 想尽办法去得到喜爱。

For many, the episode felt a little too familiar.

许多人都对 这个情节太熟悉不过了。

Until recently, only a small fraction of the human population

直到最近，也只有一小部分人

lived their lives publicly.

生活在公众的眼中。

And while we haven’t entered the “Black Mirror” world yet,

虽然我们还没有 进入《黑镜》里的世界，

we’ve entered a new era.

但我们已经进入了一个新时代。

Everyone has access to a global audience.

每个人都可以受到全球的关注。

We all live in public.

我们的生活完全公开。

Some more willingly than others.

一些人更愿意这样，其他人则拒绝。

There's pressure to share more of ourselves than we want.

我们也面临压力， 要更多但却违心地分享自己的生活。

We often feel we have no other choice.

我们常常觉得自己别无选择。

To be relevant. To fit in. To get ahead.

要合群，要融入环境， 要出人头地。

To be trusted and liked. Accepted and understood.

要受到信任和喜爱。 要被人接受和理解。

This new compulsion toward self-exposure

这种自我曝光的新冲动

is possibly the biggest social experiment in history.

可能是有史以来最大的社会实验。

We're making life-altering decisions about our personal boundaries

关于个人界限， 我们正做出改变一生的决定，

with no guidance and no precedent.

但却无法获得指导， 也没有先例可循。

Fortunately, there is a blueprint.

幸运的是，我们有一个行动方案。

Anyone who's lived in the public eye

生活在公众视线中的任何人，

as an athlete, a politician or an entertainer

例如运动员、政治家或艺人，

has navigated a version of this.

都可以遵循这个版本的行动方案。

My dad has been a public figure since he was five years old,

在五岁时， 我爸爸就成为了公众人物，

as an actor, a child actor, and later as a director.

他是一名小童星， 后来成为了导演。

And I've been an actor since my early twenties.

在 20 岁出头的时候， 我成为了演员。

In fact, my family has been in the business of entertainment

实际上，我家三代人

for three generations,

都一直从事演艺事业，

contending with how to handle putting ourselves out there

过去 70 年来

for the last 70 years.

都努力在那个圈子里出人头地。

My mom, Cheryl, never wanted to be in the public eye.

我妈妈谢莉尔从不想引人注目。

She just happened to love a man who is.

她只是碰巧爱上了一位公众人物。

My mom met my dad, Ron, when they were 16.

我妈妈遇到我爸朗时， 他们 16 岁。

And by that point she had flown solo in an airplane,

在那之前，她独自一人，

joined an all-boys gun club,

生活在男人圈里，

gotten in tons of fist fights

经常打架斗殴，

and helped her single dad raise her younger sisters.

并帮助单亲父亲养育自己的妹妹。

This is to say, my mom was a passionate, busy young person

也就是说，我妈妈当时 是一个易怒、忙碌的年轻人，

who initially ignored the attention of the famous boy in her high school.

最初，虽然受到高中一个 出名男孩的关注，但她并未理睬。

It was the early 70s,

20 世纪 70 年代早期，

and my dad was known for playing Opie in the "Andy Griffith Show,"

我爸因为在《安迪·格里菲斯秀》 中扮演奥佩而出名，

and he'd soon film a pilot for a new show called "Happy Days."

不久，他就出现在 新节目《欢乐时光》中。

Much of this was lost on my mom.

这其中的许多节目 我妈妈都没有看过。

The only thing she watched on TV was "Star Trek."

她只在电视上看过《星际迷航》。

(Applause)

（掌声）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

It's true.

确实是这样。

After they finally joined forces,

在他们终于结合，

after he actually proposed three times,

实际上，他求婚过三次，

and had kids,

并有了孩子之后，

my mom transformed into a full-on warrior woman,

我妈妈完成变成了一个女汉子，

ready to protect.

随时准备去保护孩子。

But it wasn't until

但是，直到

I was given a movie script at preschool

我在上小学前拿到了电影剧本，

as a way to get it to my dad ...

进入我爸爸的圈子时...

(Laughter)

（笑声）

that my mom realized his visibility was extending to the entire family,

我妈妈才意识到， 爸爸的名气已经影响到整个家庭，

and that she would need to prepare us for something

她需要为我们做好准备，

she herself had never experienced.

去应对她自己从未经历的事情：

Growing up in the public eye.

在公众眼中长大。

And this entailed some extreme parenting tactics.

这需要一些极端的养育方法。

First. No coddling, like ever.

首先，从不溺爱，从来没有。

As a kid, I was terrified of snakes,

作为孩子，我很怕蛇。

so my mom got me a pet snake.

于是，妈妈给我弄了条宠物蛇。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

When I blanked at my first piano recital and ran offstage crying,

第一次钢琴表演时， 我脑中一片空白，哭着跑下了台，

my mom insisted I stay and support my peers.

但妈妈坚持要我留下， 为同伴鼓劲。

Years later, when my son grimaced at a chipmunk carcass,

多年后，我儿子对着 我家的猫丢在车道上的

our cat had left in the driveway,

花栗鼠尸体做鬼脸时，

Cheryl made him clean up the remains.

谢里尔让他去清理老鼠尸体。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

My mom wanted to toughen us up

我妈妈想要我们强大起来，

so we'd have more courage and less fear

以便我们有更大的勇气 去面对棘手的情况，

when dealing with uncomfortable situations.

而不会感到害怕。

So that meant zero coddling.

那也就意味着从不会溺爱孩子。

Put your comfort away, she'd preach.

放弃舒适，她总是这样说。

Any challenge that arose was an opportunity to find your sea legs.

出现的任何挑战 都是你学习本领的机会。

Next up, confidence comes from character,

其次，自信源自品质，

not our looks.

而不是长相。

Cheryl was a giant buzzkill.

谢莉尔随时会泼人冷水。

When she noticed me glancing in the mirror as a kid,

小时候时， 她注意到我瞥了一眼镜子，

she decided to nip that in the bud immediately

于是她决定遮住家里的所有镜子，

by covering up all the mirrors in the house.

立即扼杀我的臭美之心。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

A loving compliment was, "You have wonderful character,"

动人的赞美是：“你品质优秀”，

not "You're beautiful."

而不是“你很美”。

Oh, and character was built by doing chores.

哦，品质源自于做家务。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

When I wasn't mucking out the goat barn, I was shearing sheep, changing tires,

我不是在给羊圈除粪， 就是在剪羊毛、换轮胎、

scrubbing toilets, volunteering, shoveling snow.

刷马桶、做志愿者、铲雪。

Cheryl believed that hard work,

谢莉尔认为，辛苦劳动，

particularly in service of others,

特别是服务他人，

breeds confidence,

会培养自信，

a trait we need more and more of

当我们的私生活 越来越受到公众关注时，

when exposing ourselves to any kind of public attention.

我们会需要这种特质。

But perhaps the most important lesson was:

但是，可能最重要的教训是：

a private life makes a public life worth living.

私生活让抛头露面更有价值。

Cheryl saw that while fame came with many blessings,

谢莉尔发现， 虽然成名会带来许多好处，

there was an impact and a potential cost to living your life in public.

但受到公众关注也会造成影响， 并可能需要付出代价。

And so more than anything, she, like my grandparents before her,

因此，她像我的祖父母一样，

emphasized the value of privacy.

都十分注重保护隐私。

Because cultivating a private life is precious.

因为独处时光非常宝贵。

It's sacred.

这是件神圣的事情。

Its value is inherent in what you don't share.

它的价值根植于 你不会分享的事情，

What you withhold.

你保留的情感，

And for whom.

以及你保护的对象。

The world is now one big small town.

现在，世界就像一个巨大的小镇。

But within that virtual town square, there are tiers of relationships,

但是，在虚拟的镇广场内， 会有一层层的关系，

degrees of intimacy,

各种亲密程度，

and everyone deserves a different amount of you,

你与大家的亲密程度不同，

a different side.

关系不同。

Now, where those boundaries lie

现在，如何划分这种边界，

is up to you.

需要你自己来决定。

But in order to make those decisions,

但是，要做出那些决定，

we must all be our own Cheryl,

我们必须借鉴谢莉尔的做法，

our own protectors.

做自己隐私的保护者。

Because it's tempting to think that the more I share,

因为，我们很容易会想到， 我分享得越多，

the more ways you have to connect with me.

大家与我建立联系的方式就越多。

But there's a specialness in knowing

不过，特殊的地方在于， 我应该明白，

that whatever I share with my husband or my kids or my best friend

我与老公、孩子 或好朋友分享的事情，

is just for them and no one else.

仅限于与他们分享， 而不包括任何其他人。

Without that inner circle, we're left with shallowness and a void.

如果没有那个核心圈子， 我们就会感到肤浅和空虚。

We're known, but never truly known, even to ourselves.

我们虽然是名人，但从未真正 为人所知，甚至不了解自己。

Living in public asks us to be brave and bold,

作为公众人物， 我们需要勇敢无畏，

but preserving a private life empowers us to take those chances.

不过，保护隐私 给了我们那样的机会。

So when my 15-year-old son started a YouTube channel

因此，当我 15 岁的儿子 开办 YouTube 频道，

and my 10-year-old daughter asked to join TikTok,

10 岁的女儿受邀加入 TikTok 时，

I asked myself, "What would Cheryl do?"

我问自己： “谢莉尔会怎么做呢？”

As much as I want to protect my kids,

我想尽可能地保护孩子们，

I know encouraging them to opt out is not the answer.

我知道，鼓励他们退出 并不是解决办法。

So I don't want my kids in the digital fray

我不希望孩子们在认清自己之前

until they know who they are.

陷入数字争吵。

But you develop your sense of self by participating in the world.

但是，你只有参与社会生活， 才能培养自我意识。

So I try to help them discover themselves through these technologies,

因此，我尝试通过这些技术 来帮助他们发现自我，

not despite them.

而不是逃避。

And I give myself that same protection and motherly advice

我也给自己提供同样的保护 和慈母般的忠告，

by honoring two main principles.

方法就是遵循以下两个主要原则。

The two day delay.

推迟两天。

So whatever I'm experiencing,

因此，无论遇到什么事情，

I try to wait 48 hours before posting and sharing

在公布和分享之前， 我会试着等待 48 小时，

because that way I can be present in private with the people I love

因为那样的话， 我就可以先与我爱的人呆在一起，

before calculating how I'm going to publicly position it.

思考如何公开做出说明。

And post with purpose.

带着目的去发布信息。

Before I share, I ask myself: Why? What's the purpose?

在分享之前，我会问自己： 为什么要分享，目的是什么？

And most importantly, how does it serve the people I love?

最重要的是， 它对我爱的人有什么影响？

The dangers and opportunities of living a life in public

受到公众关注， 其中的危险和机遇并存，

existed, honestly, way longer before any of this.

老实说，比以前的任何 危险和机遇都要大。

But it's important to know what my family knew then and knows now.

但是，我必须了解 家人过去和现在的想法。

That your true value is measured by the richness of your private life.

你真正的价值， 由个人生活的充实程度来衡量。

The piece of you that only a select few,

你的内在，只有少数人，

or perhaps only you, has access to.

或者可能只有你自己才可以触碰。

Because the legacy we create in private

因为我们私下创造的遗产，

is as powerful and lasting as any public accolade.

和任何公众赞誉一样丰富而持久。

Perhaps even more so.

甚至可能更加持久。

Thank you so much.

非常感谢！

(Applause)

（掌声）