Felix Dennis' odes to vice and consequences

翻译人员: L Y 校对人员: Jenny Yang

"The Better Man."

“更好的人”。

I was the better at getting and keeping.

我更擅长获得和保存。

You were the better at spend and spend;

你更擅长花费。

I was the better at grubbing and heaping,

我更擅长积攒。

But who was the better man in the end?

但是最终谁更好呢？

Yes, who was the better man, my friend?

是的，谁是更好的人呢，我的朋友？

You were the better with lords and ladies,

你更擅长接触君王和贵妇。

I was the better at pillaging Troy;

我更擅长劫掠特洛伊。

You were the better at kissing the babies,

你更擅长亲吻小孩。

I was the better at search and destroy.

我更擅长寻找和破坏。

But who was the better man, old boy?

但是谁是更好的人呢，老伙计？

Who was the better man?

谁是更好的人？

I was the better at improvisation,

我更擅长即兴演出。

You were the better at spinning the plates;

你更擅长玩转盘的游戏。

I was the better at procrastination,

我更擅长拖延时间。

You were the better at quiet debate.

你更擅长平和的争论。

But who was the better man, old mate?

但是谁是更好的人呢，老伙伴？

Who was the better man?

谁是更好的人？

You were the better at rolling a reefer,

你更擅长卷烟。

I was the better at coke and rum;

我更擅长可乐和兰姆酒。

Remember that night on the beach in Ibiza?

记得在Lbiza沙滩的那个晚上？

The Maori twins

毛里的双胞胎

with the tattooed bum?

和刺青的浪人？

But who was the better man, old chum?

但是谁是更好的人呢，老朋友？

Who was the better man?

谁是更好的人？

Now we come down to it, relatives grieving.

现在我们来到这里，亲戚们在哭泣。

Out in the hall with their crocodile tears;

在大厅外他们流着虚假的眼泪。

Now that you're out of it, now that you're leaving,

现在你不是他们之中的了，现在你已经离开，

Now that they've sealed your arse and your ears,

现在他们封上了你的屁股和耳朵，

What I've been meaning to tell you for years,

多年来我想对你说的话是

And years, and years, and years, old friend ...

那么多年了， 那么多年了， 那么多年啊， 老朋友……

Is that you were the better man, in the end;

最终，你是更好的那个人

You were the better man,

你是更好的人。

My friend.

我的朋友。

(Applause)

（掌声）

I wrote this next poem for my mother.

我将下面的诗献给我的母亲。

Every one of us had a mother,

我们每个人都有母亲。

only one --

只有一个。

probably the most important person in your life,

可能是你一生中最重要的人，

if you're lucky enough to know them.

如果你有幸能认识到他们的话。

My mother was certainly the most important in mine.

我的母亲当然是我一生中最重要的人。

Let me try and describe her to you.

让我把她介绍给你们。

She's 86 years old. She's frail.

她现在86岁。身体很虚弱。

White, platinum hair.

白色，银色的头发。

Why do they do that? Why do old ladies go to those hair shops,

她们做什么呢？为什么这些老女人去发店，

and make those helmets?

做这些头盔呢？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Bright as a button. All the ducks in a row.

明亮，整齐

Looks like a much prettier version

看上去是美丽版的

of Margaret Thatcher,

玛格丽特.撒切尔

(Laughter)

（笑声）

but without any of the soft bits in Margaret's character.

但是没有了玛格丽特个性中温柔的一面

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I wrote this poem for her. These are not my beliefs.

我为她写了这首诗。这不是我的信仰

But my mother has lived by this creed

但是我的母亲一辈子坚守

all her life.

这些信条

"Never Go Back."

“不要回来”。

Never go back. Never go back.

不要回来。不要回来。

Never return to the haunts of your youth.

不要回到童年的地方。

Keep to the track, to the beaten track;

继续前进，沿着开拓出来的道路前进。

Memory holds all you need of the truth.

记忆承载着你对真实的需求。

Never look back. Never look back.

不要向后看。不要向后看。

Never succumb to the gorgon's stare.

不要屈从于可怕的事情。

Keep to the track, to the beaten track;

继续前进，沿着开拓出来的道路前进

No-one is waiting and nothing is there.

没有人在等，并且那里没有东西。

Never go back. Never go back.

不要回来。不要回来。

Never surrender the future you earned.

不要浪费你赚来的未来。

Keep to the track, to the beaten track;

继续前进，沿着开拓出来的道路前进

Never return to the bridges you've burned.

不要回到烧掉的桥。

Never look back. Never look back.

不要向后看。不要向后看。

Never retreat to the 'glorious past.'

不要回到那“光辉的过去”。

Keep to the track, to the beaten track;

继续前进，沿着开拓出来的道路前进。

Treat every day of your life as your last.

相对待生命最后一天那样对待生活的每一天。

Never go back. Never go back.

不要回来。不要回来。

Never acknowledge the ghost on the stair.

不要承认在台阶上的魔鬼。

Keep to the track, to the beaten track;

继续前进，沿着开拓出来的道路前进。

No-one is waiting and nothing is there.

没有人在等，并且那里没有东西。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Now ladies and gentlemen, I'm up on me hobbyhorse.

现在，女士们和先生们，轮到我了。

If every commercially minded cosmetic surgeon

如果每一个有商业头脑的整容医师

were tied end to end along a railroad track,

都在铁路上列起来，

that would be me,

我就是那个

stoking the train

让火车加速的人

without a qualm in the world.

我不会对此感到丝毫的不安。

Ladies, don't do it.

女士们，不要这样。

Don't do it.

不要这样做。

You think we want you to do it, but we don't want you to do it.

你认为我们想让你这样做。但是我们不想让你这样做。

Stop it.

停下吧

Tell them to go to hell.

让他们到地狱去吧。

You bodies are wonderful as they are.

你的身体和他们一样完美。

Just leave them alone.

别碰它们吧

"To a Beautiful Lady of a Certain Age."

“致某个年龄段的美丽的女性”。

Lady lady, do not weep.

女士，女士，不要哭。

What is gone is gone. Now sleep.

过去的就让它过去吧。现在睡觉。

Turn your pillow. Dry your tears.

靠着枕头。擦干眼泪。

Count thy sheep and not thy years.

数羊而不是岁月。

Nothing good can come of this.

这样不会有好的结果。

Time rules all, my dearest.

时间会抹平一切的，亲爱的。

'Tis but folly to be waging war

“战争是很愚蠢的

On one who never lost before.

尤其是从未输过的人。

Lady, this is all in vain.

女士们，现在都是徒劳的。

Youth can never come again;

青春不会再回来了。

We have drunk the summer wine.

我们喝了夏天的酒。

None can make a stitch in time.

没有什么可以让时间停止。

Nip and tuck till crack of doom.

不断整容直到丧命

What is foretold in the womb

子宫里的定局

May not be foresworn with gold.

不能金钱来伪造和改变

Nor may time be bought or sold.

时间不能买卖。

Dearest, do I love thee less?

亲爱的，我是爱你们少了么？

Do I shrink from thy caress?

是我没给你们爱抚么？

Think you I could cease to care?

认为我会不关心你们么？

Never was there one so fair!

从来没有事是公平的。

Lady lady, do not weep --

女士，女士，不要哭了。

What is gone is gone. Now sleep.

过去的就让它过去。现在睡觉。

Lean against me, calm your fears,

靠着我，平息你的恐惧。

Count thy blessings, not thy years.

数着祝福，而不是逝去的年华

(Applause)

（掌声）

America, ladies and gentlemen, has done more for me financially than Britain

美国，女士和先生们，对我的资助比英国多

ever has, or ever could have done.

一直这样。

I was born in Britain, as you have probably guessed.

我在英国出生，就像你们很可能猜到的那样。

Even when on its worst behavior,

即使现在这种恶劣的情况，

I find myself automatically defending the USA

我发现我自发地维护着美国

from the sneers of green-eyed Europhiles

绿眼睛的亲欧者嘲笑我

playing their Greek card to Roman trumps.

玩过了罗马牌出示希腊牌。

America is an empire.

美国是个帝国。

I hope you know that now.

我希望你们现在该知道了吧

All empires, by definition, are bumbling,

所有的帝国，从定义上说，都是自大的，

shambolic, bullying, bureaucratic affairs,

混乱的，蛮横的，官僚的事件。

as certain of the rightness of their cause in infancy,

他们的事业起步阶段充满了正确性

as they are corrupted by power in their dotage.

之后他们在溺爱中挥霍着权利。

I am no historian, ladies and gentlemen.

我不是历史学家，女士们和先生们。

But it seems to be that the USA's sins,

但是看起来美国的罪恶，

compared to those of many previous empires,

比起以前帝国的罪恶，

are of a more moderate,

要更加温和，

if more pervasive, kind.

也是有些更加广泛。

Let me put this bluntly.

现在我明确地指出。

If Americans are so fat,

如果美国人是这么胖，

stupid and ignorant,

愚蠢和无知，

my dear friends from Birmingham,

伯明翰的朋友们

how come they rule the world?

他们怎么在统治世界？

"Hail to the Gods of America."

见鬼去吧天佑美国

Hail to the Gods of America!

见鬼去吧天佑美国

Hail to the gods of the dream.

见鬼去吧天佑梦想

Invictus E Pluribus Unum.

不屈不挠的合众国

But which of them reigns supreme?

但是他们谁的统治力的更大？

Which is America's Jupiter?

哪个是美国的主宰

The Brahmins of Capital Hill?

神权在握的国会？

A sorcerer's profit on Wall Street?

华尔街的巫师们的利润？

They eye of a dollar bill?

他们眼睛盯着美钞？

Or is it celebrity status?

或者是荣誉的地位？

The worship of those we hate.

这都是我们痛恨的。

Or the cult of living forever,

或者是为了永生，

If only we'd watch our weight.

如果我们注意自己的体重。

What of the titans of media?

那个是媒体的权威？

Or Hollywood's siren call?

或者是好莱坞的警笛？

What of the temples of justice,

什么是正义，

Whose servants enslave us all?

是什么奴役了我们？

What of the Brand and the Label?

什么是商标和标识？

What of the upstart Sport?

什么是贵族运动？

And what of the Constitution,

然后什么是宪法，

That bully of last resort?

最后的依据？

Hail to the God of America,

来到美国。

Whose power the masses extol --

大家赞颂这权力-

Convenience rules America;

方便遍布在美国；

Convenience owns our soul.

方便控制着我们的灵魂。

Aye, that it does.

对，它就是这样做的。

(Applause)

（掌声）

And if you would like to know why I am not a father --

如果你想知道为什么我不是一个父亲-

I, who by a miracle have 22 godchildren --

我，创纪录得有22个教子女，

the answer is in this poem,

答案在这首诗里。

which upsets me every time I read it.

我每次读的时候都刺痛着我。

"Love Came to Visit Me."

“当爱光顾到我”。

Love came to visit me,

爱光顾了我，

shy as a fawn.

像幼鹿一样害羞。

But finding me busy,

但是发现我很忙，

she fled, with the dawn.

她在黎明逃跑了。

At 20 the torch of resentment was lit.

20岁时产生了愤恨。

My rage at injustice

我对不公平大怒

waxed hot as the pits.

像坑洞一样愤怒。

The flux of its lava cleared all in its path.

岩浆的流动扫清了道路。

Comrades and enemies fled from its wrath.

同伴和敌人们逃离了这愤怒。

Yet lovers grew wary, once novelty waned

但是充满爱的人们燃起了希望，曾经淡去的

To lie with a bloody man,

在一个流血的男人的旁边，

his terror unfeigned.

他的恐惧不能被掩饰。

At 30 my powers seemed mighty to me.

在30岁时我的力量看起来很强大。

The fruits of my rivals, I shook from the tree.

我将我的对手从树上摇下来。

By guile and by bluster,

通过欺骗和恐吓，

by night and by day,

日日夜夜，

I battered and scattered the fools from my way.

我清除了路上的绊脚石。

And women grew willing to sham and to bluff.

并且女人变得虚假而且奉承。

Their trinkets and baubles cost little enough.

她们的小物品并不值钱。

From 40 to 50, grown easy and sly,

在40到50岁，变得平易近人而且淘气，

I wined them and dined them, like pigs in a sty.

我喝酒吃饭，就像猪圈中的猪一样。

We feasted and reveled and rutted in muck,

我们沉醉在这些东西里。

Forgetting our peril, forgetting to duck,

忘记了我们的危险，忘记去躲避。

Forgetting times arrows are sharper than knives.

忘记了时间的箭比刀还锋利。

Grown sick to our stomachs,

我们肚子里长了病毒

and sick of our lives.

毒害着我们的生活

Love came to visit me,

爱光顾了我，

shy as a fawn.

像幼鹿一样害羞。

But finding me busy,

但是发现我很忙，

she fled with the dawn.

她在黎明中逃走了。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Um, there are --

现在-

I've got far too much money and I have far too much fun

我从我的事业中获得了

in my businesses.

很多钱和欢乐

So poetry came as a complete shock to me, ladies and gentlemen.

所以诗歌的到来对我来说是完全是一个震惊，女士们和先生们。

A complete shock. I was a little ill.

完全的震惊。我是有点病

Okay, I was ill.

对的，我病了

Okay, I had a life-threatening illness, you know.

对的，我有一个危及生命的疾病，你知道的。

I was in a clinic. I wasn't allowed to make telephone calls.

我在诊所里。我被禁止打电话。

I wasn't allowed to see any of my -- you know, whatever.

我被禁止见任何人-你知道的。

So, in the end I begged a pack of Post-it notes off a nurse.

所以，最后我从一个护士那里要到了一些贴纸。

And from another nurse, I begged a pencil, pen.

并且从另一个护士那里要到了铅笔和笔。

And I didn't know what else to do. So I started to write poetry.

并且我不知道要干些什么。所以我开始写诗。

That was in October of 2000.

这是在2000年的10月。

I'm not an evil man.

我不是个坏人。

But sometimes I try to put myself in an evil man's position.

但是有时候我试图理解坏人的角度。

I'm not a glorious and fantastic-looking woman,

我不是美貌的女人，

who men fall down, you know, when she walks in a room.

能吸引男人的，你知道，当她走进房间。

But sometimes I try to put myself in that position.

但是有时候我试图走进她们的角度。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Not with much success.

但不成功。

But it's interesting to me. I love to write historical verse.

但这对我很有趣。我喜欢写历史诗。

I love to think what they thought, what it was like.

我喜欢想他们所想和发生的事情。

Because although

因为尽管

many of the speakers and many of the people who are in the audience,

很多演讲者和听众，

although you guys can not only go to the moon,

尽管你们能够到达月球，

you know, you're going to totally transform everything.

你知道，你们能够改变一切。

Cloning will transform everything. Voice navigation will transform everything.

克隆能够改变一切。声音导航能够改变一切。

I don't know. You can do anything you want.

我都不懂。你们可以做你们想到做的任何事情。

All you guys are so clever, and women, you can do it all!

你们都这么聪明，并且女人可以做任何事情！

But human nature doesn't change, mate.

但是人性并没变，伙计。

My friends, human nature is exactly the same as it was

我的朋友，人性和以前完全一样

when my ancestor --

在祖先的时候-

probably it was my ancestor --

很可能是我的祖先-

got his hands around the neck of the last Neanderthal,

把手握住最后一个尼安德特人的脖子，

and battered the bastard to death.

并把他打死。

You think we didn't do that?

你认为我们没干过这些么？

Oh, we did.

噢， 我们干了。

We killed every single one of them.

我们杀掉了他们的每一个。

Inch by inch we killed them.

一点一点地屠杀了他们

We hunted them down wherever they were.

我们追踪他们，

Rivals for meat. Rivals for berries.

争抢肉类。争抢浆果。

We're still doing it,

我们还在干这些，

with all of the genius assembled in this room.

利用这个屋子里人的聪明才智。

Our natures haven't changed a single iota.

我们的本性一点不会变。

And they never will.

并且将来也不会。

Even when we've got off this little planet,

即便我们离开了地球，

and have put some of our eggs in some other baskets.

并且在其他地方住宅。

And I am as bad as you.

我和你们一样坏。

I spent eight years

我花了8年的时间

running one of the most successful publishing businesses in the world.

运营世界上最成功的出版商之一。

And at seven o'clock every night,

在每天晚上7点，

I took me some more girls, already corrupted.

我交往更多的的已经堕落的女孩

I never did anything to anyone that wasn't.

我从没让好女孩做过那些事情

And I took crack cocaine,

我吸食可卡因，

every single night for seven years.

在7年的每一个晚上。

It was like Dante's "Inferno."

这就像但丁的“地狱”。

It was unbelievable.

这是难以置信的。

One of the offshoots of crack cocaine is that you keep an erection

可卡因的一个影响就是你能持续射精

for about four hours.

4个小时。

And you stay up for 12.

然后12个小时不睡觉。

It was absolutely unbelievable.

这是完全不可思议的。

Twenty-two godchildren I've got.

我有22个教子女。

What do I say to them?

我对他们说什么？

I only stopped because I thought if I got caught,

我停止这些行为仅因为我想到如果我被抓住，

what would happen to my mother.

我妈妈会怎么样。

If you're a woman, remember that.

如果你是个女人，记住这个。

The love of your son

你对儿子的爱

can utterly transform anything he does.

可以完全改变他的一切

"Our Lady in White."

“苍白的女人”。

Pale she was, listless;

她苍白，冷漠；

And soft to the touch.

并且柔软。

A generous mistress Whom many loved much.

一个许多人喜欢的宽容的女人。

Shoulder to shoulder, Night after night,

肩并肩，一夜又一夜，

We hoarded and sold her --

我们霸占她出卖她-

Our Lady in White.

苍白的女人。

We breathed but to savor

我们呼吸着去享受

her crystal caress.

她宝贵的爱抚。

We craved but to favor the hem of her dress.

我们拜倒在她的石榴裙下。

We dabbled and babbled,

我们絮絮叨叨

Denying our thirsts.

不承认我们的渴望。

But always we scrabbled

但我们总是努力

to lie with her first.

首先去和她在一起。

Absent, we missed her,

当不在的时候我们想她，

grew haggard and limp.

当老了跛脚了。

Toyed with her sister,

和她的姐妹玩耍，

or threatened her pimp.

或者威胁让她当妓女。

Came word out of Babel, the lady returns!

巴贝尔传来了消息，女士回来了！

And there on the table we took her, in turns.

在桌上我们轮奸了她

Sensing the power that tyranny craves,

感受着对暴力的渴望

There in that hour, she made us her slaves.

在那一刻，我们成了她的奴隶

Many there were, to covet her kiss.

众人渴望着她的亲吻。

My shame as a spur,

我的羞愧驱使着我

I fled the abyss.

勉强逃到了无底洞

But only just.

的边缘

(Applause)

（掌声）