Felix Dennis' odes to vice and consequences

譯者: zhang haohan 審譯者: Nova Upinel Altesse

"The Better Man."

更好的人

I was the better at getting and keeping.

我更善於獲得

You were the better at spend and spend;

你跟善於花費

I was the better at grubbing and heaping,

我跟善於積累

But who was the better man in the end?

但是最後誰是更好的人

Yes, who was the better man, my friend?

是啊 誰是跟好的人呢 我的友人

You were the better with lords and ladies,

你更善於與權貴一道

I was the better at pillaging Troy;

我則更善於掠奪

You were the better at kissing the babies,

你更善於嘩眾取寵

I was the better at search and destroy.

我更善於尋覓毀壞

But who was the better man, old boy?

但是誰又是更好的人呢 老夥計

Who was the better man?

誰是更好的人呢

I was the better at improvisation,

我善於即興表演

You were the better at spinning the plates;

你更善於轉輪遊戲

I was the better at procrastination,

我善於拖沓

You were the better at quiet debate.

你更善於安靜的辯論

But who was the better man, old mate?

但是誰又是更好的人 老夥計

Who was the better man?

誰是更好的人

You were the better at rolling a reefer,

你善於收衣服

I was the better at coke and rum;

我更善於煙酒

Remember that night on the beach in Ibiza?

還記得那晚伊比沙海灘

The Maori twins

有纹身的流浪者

with the tattooed bum?

和毛利兄弟

But who was the better man, old chum?

但是誰又是更好的人 老夥計

Who was the better man?

誰是更好的人

Now we come down to it, relatives grieving.

我們現在來到這裡 親友在外面哭泣

Out in the hall with their crocodile tears;

在大廳里與他們虛偽的眼淚

Now that you're out of it, now that you're leaving,

現在你離開了他們 離他們而去了

Now that they've sealed your arse and your ears,

現在他們封上你的腚封上你的眼

What I've been meaning to tell you for years,

我這沒多年來一直想告訴你

And years, and years, and years, old friend ...

多年來 多年來 多年來 我的老夥計啊

Is that you were the better man, in the end;

那就是到最後 你才是更好的人

You were the better man,

你是的 是更好的人

My friend.

老夥計

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I wrote this next poem for my mother.

我的下一首詩是為我母親寫的

Every one of us had a mother,

每個人都有母親

only one --

也只有一個

probably the most important person in your life,

也許是你一生最重要的人

if you're lucky enough to know them.

假如你有幸認識她們

My mother was certainly the most important in mine.

我媽媽應該是我人生最重要的人

Let me try and describe her to you.

我來試著向你們描述一下她

She's 86 years old. She's frail.

她已經86歲 蒼老

White, platinum hair.

把頭髮

Why do they do that? Why do old ladies go to those hair shops,

但是爲什麽老婦人回去那些理髮店去做些頭盔回來

and make those helmets?

爲什麽他們做這種事

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Bright as a button. All the ducks in a row.

亮麗 整齊

Looks like a much prettier version

比Margaret Thatcher

of Margaret Thatcher,

的還要好看些

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

but without any of the soft bits in Margaret's character.

但是沒有margaret個性中溫柔的一面

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I wrote this poem for her. These are not my beliefs.

我為她寫了一首詩 這不是我的想法

But my mother has lived by this creed

但是這是我媽媽

all her life.

一輩子的信條

"Never Go Back."

從不回頭

Never go back. Never go back.

從不回頭 絕不回頭

Never return to the haunts of your youth.

絕不回到兒時的住所

Keep to the track, to the beaten track;

繼續前進 在已有的道路上前進

Memory holds all you need of the truth.

記憶滿足了你對真相的需求

Never look back. Never look back.

從不回頭 絕不回頭

Never succumb to the gorgon's stare.

絕不向美杜莎的視線屈服

Keep to the track, to the beaten track;

繼續前進 在已有的道路上前進

No-one is waiting and nothing is there.

沒有人在等著 也沒有東西在那

Never go back. Never go back.

從不回頭 絕不回頭

Never surrender the future you earned.

絕不交出爭取來的未來

Keep to the track, to the beaten track;

繼續前進 在已有的道路上

Never return to the bridges you've burned.

絕不回到自己收掉的橋

Never look back. Never look back.

從不回頭 絕不回頭

Never retreat to the 'glorious past.'

絕不懷念耀眼的過去

Keep to the track, to the beaten track;

繼續前進 在已有的道路上

Treat every day of your life as your last.

每一天都是你的最後一天

Never go back. Never go back.

從不回頭 絕不回頭

Never acknowledge the ghost on the stair.

絕不承認那在樓梯上的鬼

Keep to the track, to the beaten track;

繼續前進 在已有的道路上

No-one is waiting and nothing is there.

沒有人等你 也沒有東西在那

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Now ladies and gentlemen, I'm up on me hobbyhorse.

女士們 先生們 到了我的回合了

If every commercially minded cosmetic surgeon

假如每個有頭腦的整形師

were tied end to end along a railroad track,

都在鐵軌上綁起來

that would be me,

我將世上唯一

stoking the train

毫不猶豫給火車加速

without a qualm in the world.

撞向他們的人

Ladies, don't do it.

女士們 別整容

Don't do it.

別整

You think we want you to do it, but we don't want you to do it.

你認為我們想讓你整 但是我們沒有

Stop it.

停下來

Tell them to go to hell.

讓那些東西都機櫃去

You bodies are wonderful as they are.

你的身體原本就是最好的

Just leave them alone.

讓它們怎樣就怎樣

"To a Beautiful Lady of a Certain Age."

寫個 在特定年齡的美麗女士

Lady lady, do not weep.

女士女士 不要哭

What is gone is gone. Now sleep.

過去的就過去 安心睡

Turn your pillow. Dry your tears.

枕頭反面 擦乾眼淚

Count thy sheep and not thy years.

數羊而不是你的年歲

Nothing good can come of this.

這樣是沒有好事的

Time rules all, my dearest.

親愛的 時間統治的一切

'Tis but folly to be waging war

與一個絕不會輸的人

On one who never lost before.

開戰是愚蠢的

Lady, this is all in vain.

女士 一切都是浮雲

Youth can never come again;

年輕是不會再臨的

We have drunk the summer wine.

我們喝了夏天的酒

None can make a stitch in time.

沒人能封上時間

Nip and tuck till crack of doom.

與它戰鬥到死

What is foretold in the womb

在生命開始已經寫好的

May not be foresworn with gold.

是不會在黃金之下改變的

Nor may time be bought or sold.

時間也不是可以買或賣的

Dearest, do I love thee less?

親愛的 我愛你們少了？

Do I shrink from thy caress?

我會從你的愛撫中逃走嗎？

Think you I could cease to care?

你認為我不再愛你了嗎

Never was there one so fair!

沒有什麽事實工作的

Lady lady, do not weep --

女士 女士 別空了

What is gone is gone. Now sleep.

過去的就過去 安心睡吧

Lean against me, calm your fears,

靠著我 平靜你心中的不安

Count thy blessings, not thy years.

數著祝福 而非年歲

(Applause)

（掌聲）

America, ladies and gentlemen, has done more for me financially than Britain

先生們 女士們 美國為我在經濟方面的貢獻比

ever has, or ever could have done.

英國做的要多得多

I was born in Britain, as you have probably guessed.

我生在英國 就像你們猜的那樣

Even when on its worst behavior,

就算他的行為有多過分

I find myself automatically defending the USA

我發現我會不自盡的為美國辯解

from the sneers of green-eyed Europhiles

對著那些不斷叫囂希臘羅馬的

playing their Greek card to Roman trumps.

歐洲熱愛者的譏笑

America is an empire.

美國是一個帝國

I hope you know that now.

我希望你們現在知道了

All empires, by definition, are bumbling,

所有帝國都被定義為 自大

shambolic, bullying, bureaucratic affairs,

欺壓官僚之列

as certain of the rightness of their cause in infancy,

他們的起步有著一定的正確性

as they are corrupted by power in their dotage.

然後就在權利中腐爛

I am no historian, ladies and gentlemen.

我不是歷史學家 女士們先生們

But it seems to be that the USA's sins,

但是假如把美國的罪孽

compared to those of many previous empires,

與那些之前的帝國相比

are of a more moderate,

他的將會看起來是更道德的

if more pervasive, kind.

他的罪也是更廣泛的

Let me put this bluntly.

我明確指出

If Americans are so fat,

假如美國人都是肥大

stupid and ignorant,

愚蠢無知

my dear friends from Birmingham,

我親愛的伯明翰的朋友們

how come they rule the world?

他們又是怎麼統治世界的咧

"Hail to the Gods of America."

赞颂美国

Hail to the Gods of America!

歡迎美國

Hail to the gods of the dream.

讚頌美國夢

Invictus E Pluribus Unum.

不屈不饒的合眾國

But which of them reigns supreme?

但是他們誰掌管這最高的權利

Which is America's Jupiter?

誰是美國的朱庇特

The Brahmins of Capital Hill?

國會山的總統

A sorcerer's profit on Wall Street?

華爾街的巫師

They eye of a dollar bill?

眼中有著鈔票

Or is it celebrity status?

上層名人

The worship of those we hate.

我們討厭對他們的崇拜

Or the cult of living forever,

或是對永生的崇拜

If only we'd watch our weight.

就如我們看看自己是什麽

What of the titans of media?

什麽是傳媒的巨頭

Or Hollywood's siren call?

什麽事好萊塢的汽笛聲

What of the temples of justice,

什麽是正義的神廟

Whose servants enslave us all?

誰的奴隸奴役了我們

What of the Brand and the Label?

什麼樣的品牌

What of the upstart Sport?

什麼樣的上流社會運動

And what of the Constitution,

什麽的憲法

That bully of last resort?

欺負人的最後手段

Hail to the God of America,

歡迎美國

Whose power the masses extol --

他的力量萬人稱讚

Convenience rules America;

無憂統治著美國

Convenience owns our soul.

無憂佔據著我們的靈魂

Aye, that it does.

額 就這些

(Applause)

（掌聲）

And if you would like to know why I am not a father --

假如你想知道爲什麽我不是一個父親

I, who by a miracle have 22 godchildren --

但是我去奇跡般的有22個義子

the answer is in this poem,

答案就在這首詩中

which upsets me every time I read it.

每次對它的時候我都很無奈

"Love Came to Visit Me."

愛情來光顧我

Love came to visit me,

愛來光顧我

shy as a fawn.

像幼鹿一樣膽怯

But finding me busy,

但是卻看到我忙碌

she fled, with the dawn.

她便與黎明一同離去

At 20 the torch of resentment was lit.

在20歲仇恨別點燃了

My rage at injustice

我對不公的怒火

waxed hot as the pits.

像地窖一樣炙熱

The flux of its lava cleared all in its path.

怒火的岩漿道路摧毀

Comrades and enemies fled from its wrath.

同志和敵人都從他的怒火下逃離

Yet lovers grew wary, once novelty waned

同時愛也變得小心了 不願與

To lie with a bloody man,

這血腥的男人一起

his terror unfeigned.

他的恐怖是真的

At 30 my powers seemed mighty to me.

在30時 我的力量無比強大

The fruits of my rivals, I shook from the tree.

敵人的成果 我可以把它要下樹

By guile and by bluster,

用奸計 用狂風

by night and by day,

整日整夜

I battered and scattered the fools from my way.

我把愚昧從我的路上趕走

And women grew willing to sham and to bluff.

而且女人變得虛假奉承

Their trinkets and baubles cost little enough.

她們要的小東西花不了多少錢

From 40 to 50, grown easy and sly,

從40到50 我變小了

I wined them and dined them, like pigs in a sty.

我像豬一樣喝著酒吃著飯

We feasted and reveled and rutted in muck,

在糞便中享樂狂歡發情

Forgetting our peril, forgetting to duck,

忘卻我們的危險 忘記去躲避

Forgetting times arrows are sharper than knives.

忘記時間的箭矢比刀更鋒利

Grown sick to our stomachs,

變得對我們的胃袋噁心

and sick of our lives.

對我們的生活噁心

Love came to visit me,

愛來光顧我

shy as a fawn.

像幼鹿般靦腆

But finding me busy,

但是看到我很忙

she fled with the dawn.

她與黎明一同逝去

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Um, there are --

這裡我想說

I've got far too much money and I have far too much fun

我至今從我的工作中得到了許多的錢

in my businesses.

和快樂

So poetry came as a complete shock to me, ladies and gentlemen.

先生們女士們 詩歌對我是很大的震驚

A complete shock. I was a little ill.

完全的震驚 我那時得了點小病

Okay, I was ill.

好吧 我病了

Okay, I had a life-threatening illness, you know.

好吧 其實是很嚴重的病

I was in a clinic. I wasn't allowed to make telephone calls.

我當時在醫院里 我是不讓用電話的

I wasn't allowed to see any of my -- you know, whatever.

我也是不讓被探望的（注：講者沒有子女） 你們懂得

So, in the end I begged a pack of Post-it notes off a nurse.

我就從護士那要了便籤

And from another nurse, I begged a pencil, pen.

又從另一位那要了一支筆

And I didn't know what else to do. So I started to write poetry.

我不知道幹些什麽 然後我開始了寫詩

That was in October of 2000.

那時 2000年的十月份

I'm not an evil man.

我不是一個惡人

But sometimes I try to put myself in an evil man's position.

但是時常我會把自己放在一個惡人的角度

I'm not a glorious and fantastic-looking woman,

我不是一位婀娜多姿的女性

who men fall down, you know, when she walks in a room.

那種一走入 所有的男人都為她拜倒

But sometimes I try to put myself in that position.

但是時常我也會把自己置身於他們的角度

(Laughter)

（笑）

Not with much success.

儘管不大成功就是

But it's interesting to me. I love to write historical verse.

但是很有趣的一點 我很愛寫歷史時

I love to think what they thought, what it was like.

我熱誠於想他們所想

Because although

因為儘管

many of the speakers and many of the people who are in the audience,

很多講師和很多的聽總

although you guys can not only go to the moon,

你們能上到月球

you know, you're going to totally transform everything.

你們也可以完全改變這一切

Cloning will transform everything. Voice navigation will transform everything.

像克隆 語音導航

I don't know. You can do anything you want.

我不知道 你們是可做任何你們想的

All you guys are so clever, and women, you can do it all!

你們都很聰明 你們也可以做到

But human nature doesn't change, mate.

但是 人們的天性沒有變 夥計們

My friends, human nature is exactly the same as it was

朋友們 人的天性還是如以前一樣

when my ancestor --

當我的祖先

probably it was my ancestor --

也許是我的

got his hands around the neck of the last Neanderthal,

把他的手放在了最後穴居人的脖子上

and battered the bastard to death.

把這怪胎猛抽致死

You think we didn't do that?

你認為我們沒有做是吧

Oh, we did.

哦 我們可做了

We killed every single one of them.

我們把他們殺的一個不剩

Inch by inch we killed them.

一點點的我們把他們殺死

We hunted them down wherever they were.

我們圍獵他們

Rivals for meat. Rivals for berries.

當他們成為食物的競爭者

We're still doing it,

我們現在也還在那樣做

with all of the genius assembled in this room.

在這房間裡的精英你們也一樣

Our natures haven't changed a single iota.

我們一點沒有變

And they never will.

我們也不會變

Even when we've got off this little planet,

就算是我們能離開了這個星球

and have put some of our eggs in some other baskets.

我們把自己的雞蛋放在別人的籃子里

And I am as bad as you.

我還是同你們一樣壞

I spent eight years

我花了8年時間

running one of the most successful publishing businesses in the world.

經營了在全世界都很成功的發行所

And at seven o'clock every night,

每天晚上七點

I took me some more girls, already corrupted.

我與那些已墮落的女孩一起

I never did anything to anyone that wasn't.

我從沒有對她們任何人做什麽事

And I took crack cocaine,

我吸食強效可卡因

every single night for seven years.

這七年的每個晚上

It was like Dante's "Inferno."

都像但丁地獄般

It was unbelievable.

那這的是不可思議

One of the offshoots of crack cocaine is that you keep an erection

只血藥一針那玩意就那讓你振奮

for about four hours.

整整四個小時

And you stay up for 12.

每天熬到12點

It was absolutely unbelievable.

這完全是不能相信的

Twenty-two godchildren I've got.

我有22個名義上的子女

What do I say to them?

我會對他們說什麼

I only stopped because I thought if I got caught,

我停下來了因為我想到我被抓了

what would happen to my mother.

我媽媽會怎麼樣

If you're a woman, remember that.

假如你是一位女性 記住

The love of your son

你對你兒子的愛

can utterly transform anything he does.

可以轉變他做的任何事

"Our Lady in White."

那一襲白衣

Pale she was, listless;

她蒼白無神

And soft to the touch.

柔軟

A generous mistress Whom many loved much.

大度的女主人誰都喜愛她

Shoulder to shoulder, Night after night,

一夜夜的

We hoarded and sold her --

我們霸佔她出賣她

Our Lady in White.

那一襲白衣女子

We breathed but to savor

我們歎息但是仍享受

her crystal caress.

她的愛撫

We craved but to favor the hem of her dress.

我們渴望她卻只在她群i下面拜倒

We dabbled and babbled,

我們叨叨絮絮

Denying our thirsts.

不承認我們的飢渴

But always we scrabbled

但是我們總是努力

to lie with her first.

躺倒她的身邊

Absent, we missed her,

不在了 我們想要她

grew haggard and limp.

變得頹圮

Toyed with her sister,

玩弄她的姐妹

or threatened her pimp.

或威脅她們的老闆

Came word out of Babel, the lady returns!

淫欲的塔中傳來她回來的消息

And there on the table we took her, in turns.

在桌上 我們輪奸了她

Sensing the power that tyranny craves,

感受渴望的力量

There in that hour, she made us her slaves.

在那個時刻她把我們變成了她的奴隸

Many there were, to covet her kiss.

每個人要她的吻

My shame as a spur,

我的羞恥像馬刺

I fled the abyss.

讓我從這深淵中逃脫

But only just.

謝謝各位

(Applause)

（掌聲）