3 ways to be a better ally in the workplace | Melinda Epler

233,228 views ・ 2018-10-25

TED


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In 2013, I was an executive at an international engineering firm
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in San Francisco.
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It was my dream job.
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A culmination of all the skills that I've acquired over the years:
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storytelling, social impact, behavior change.
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I was the head of marketing and culture
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and I worked with the nation's largest health care systems,
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using technology and culture change
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to radically reduce their energy and water use
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and to improve their social impact.
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I was creating real change in the world.
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And it was the worst professional experience of my life.
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I hit the glass ceiling hard.
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It hurt like hell.
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While there were bigger issues,
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most of what happened were little behaviors and patterns
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that slowly chipped away at my ability to do my work well.
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They ate away at my confidence, my leadership, my capacity to innovate.
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For example, my first presentation at the company.
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I walk up to the front of the room
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to give a presentation on the strategy that I believe is right for the company.
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The one they hired me to create.
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And I look around the room at my fellow executives.
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And I watch as they pick up their cell phones
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and look down at their laptops.
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They're not paying attention.
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As soon as I start to speak, the interruptions begin
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and people talk over me again and again and again.
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Some of my ideas are flat out dismissed
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and then brought up by somebody else and championed.
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I was the only woman in that room.
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And I could have used an ally.
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Little behaviors and pattern like this, every day, again and again,
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they wear you down.
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Pretty soon, my energy was absolutely tapped.
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At a real low point, I read an article
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about toxic workplace culture and microaggressions.
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Microaggressions -- everyday slights, insults,
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negative verbal and nonverbal communication,
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whether intentional or not,
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that impede your ability to do your work well.
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That sounded familiar.
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I started to realize that I wasn't failing.
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The culture around me was failing me.
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And I wasn't alone.
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Behaviors and patterns like this
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every day affect underrepresented people of all backgrounds in the workplace.
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And that has a real impact
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on our colleagues, on our companies
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and our collective capacity to innovate.
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So, in the tech industry, we want quick solutions.
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But there is no magic wand for correcting diversity and inclusion.
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Change happens one person at a time,
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one act at a time, one word at a time.
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We make a mistake when we see diversity and inclusion
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as that side project over there the diversity people are working on,
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rather than this work inside all of us that we need to do together.
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And that work begins
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with unlearning what we know about success and opportunity.
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We've been told our whole lives
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that if we work hard, that hard work pays off,
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we'd get what we deserve, we'd live our dream.
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But that isn't true for everyone.
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Some people have to work 10 times as hard
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to get to the same place
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due to many barriers put in front of them by society.
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Your gender, your race, your ethnicity,
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your religion, your disability, your sexual orientation,
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your class, your geography,
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all of these can give you more of fewer opportunities for success.
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And that's where allyship comes in.
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Allyship is about understanding that imbalance in opportunity
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and working to correct it.
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Allyship is really seeing the person next to us.
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And the person missing, who should be standing next to us.
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And first, just knowing what they're going through.
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And then, helping them succeed and thrive with us.
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When we work together to develop more diverse and inclusive teams,
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data shows we will be more innovative, more productive and more profitable.
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So, who is an ally?
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All of us.
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We can all be allies for each other.
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As a white, cisgendered woman in the United States,
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there are many ways I'm very privileged.
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And some ways I'm not.
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And I work hard every day
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to be an ally for people with less privilege than me.
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And I still need allies, too.
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In the tech industry, like in many industries,
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there are many people who are underrepresented,
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or face barriers and discrimination.
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Women, people who are nonbinary --
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so people who don't necessarily identify as man or woman --
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racial and ethnic minorities,
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LGBTQIA, people with disabilities, veterans,
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anybody over age 35.
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(Laughter)
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We have a major bias toward youth in the tech industry.
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And many others.
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There is always someone with less privilege than you.
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On this stage, in this room.
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At your company, on your team, in your city or town.
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So, people are allies for different reasons.
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Find your reason.
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It could be for the business case,
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because data shows diverse and inclusive teams
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will be more productive, more profitable and more innovative.
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It could be for fairness and social justice.
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Because we have a long history of oppression and inequity
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that we need to work on together.
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Or it could be for your kids,
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so your kids grow up with equal opportunities.
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And they grow up creating equal opportunities for others.
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Find your reason.
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For me, it's all three.
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Find your reason and step up to be there for someone who needs you.
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So, what can you do as an ally?
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Start by doing no harm.
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It's our job as allies to know what microaggressions are and to not do them.
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It's our job as allies to listen, to learn,
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to unlearn and to relearn,
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and to make mistakes and to keep learning.
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Give me your full attention.
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Close your laptops,
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put down your cellphones and pay attention.
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If somebody is new or the only person in the room like them,
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or they're just nervous,
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this is going to make a huge difference in how they show up.
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Don't interrupt.
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Underrepresented people are more likely to be interrupted,
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so just take a step back and listen.
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Echo and attribute.
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If I have a great idea,
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echo my idea and then attribute it to me, and we thrive together.
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Learn the language I use to describe my identity.
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Know how to pronounce my name.
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Know my pronouns -- he, she, they.
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Know the language I use to describe my disability, my ethnicity, my religion.
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This really matters to people, so if you don't know, just ask.
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Listen and learn.
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An executive told me recently that after doing allyship on his team,
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the whole team started to normalize calling themselves out and each other out
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for interrupting.
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"I'm so sorry I'm interrupting you right now, carry on."
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"Hey, she's got a great idea, let's listen."
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Number two, advocate for underrepresented people in small ways.
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Intervene; you can change the power dynamics in the room.
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If you see somebody is the only person in the room like them
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and they are being belittled, they are being interrupted,
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do something, say something.
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Invite underrepresented people to speak.
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And say no to panels without underrepresented speakers.
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Refer someone for a job
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and encourage them to take that job and to take new opportunities.
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And this one's really important -- help normalize allyship.
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If you're a person with privilege,
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it's easier for you to advocate for allies.
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So use that privilege to create change.
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Three, change someone's life significantly.
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So, be there for somebody throughout their career.
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Mentor or sponsor them, give them opportunities as they grow.
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Volunteer -- volunteer for a STEM program, serving underserved youth.
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Transform your team to be more diverse and inclusive.
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And make real commitments to creating change here.
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Hold yourself and your team accountable for creating change.
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And lastly,
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help advocate for change across your company.
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When companies teach their people to be allies,
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diversity and inclusion programs are stronger.
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You and I can be allies for each other,
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whether we're inside or outside of work.
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So, I realized recently
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that I still have lingering shame and fear
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from that moment in my career when I felt utterly alone,
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shut out and unsupported.
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There are millions of people out there, like me, right now, feeling that way.
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And it doesn't take much for us to be there for each other.
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And when we're there for each other, when we support one another,
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we thrive together.
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And when we thrive, we build better teams,
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better products and better companies.
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Allyship is powerful.
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Try it.
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Thank you.
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(Applause)
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