How you can use impostor syndrome to your benefit | Mike Cannon-Brookes

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Marssi Draw

So I've experienced a lot of success in my life.

我一生成功許多次。

Over a decade ago,

十多年前，

I started a business straight out of uni with my mate, Scott.

大學畢業之後，我馬上 和朋友史考特一起創業。

Now, having no prior business experience

沒有任何業界經驗，

and not really any grand plan --

也沒有任何偉大計畫——

in fact, our goals when we started were not to have to get a real job

我們最初創業的目標其實是： 不用去找份真正的工作，

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

and to not have to wear a suit to work every day.

以及不用每天穿西裝去上班。

Check and check.

兩項都達成了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Today, we have thousands of amazing employees,

現今，我們有數千名優秀員工，

and millions of people use our software around the planet.

地球上有數百萬人使用我們的軟體。

And technically, even outside the planet,

技術上來說，若正在 前往火星的人也算，

if you count those that are currently on their way to Mars.

那連地球外也有人在用我們的軟體。

So you'd think that I know what I'm doing every day

你可能認為，我每天工作時 都知道自己在幹嘛。

when I go to work.

Well, let me let you in on something:

嗯，讓我告訴各位：

most days, I still feel like I often don't know what I'm doing.

很多時候我仍然覺得 我不知道自己在做什麼。

I've felt that way for 15 years,

十五年來我一直有這種感覺，

and I've since learned that feeling is called "impostor syndrome."

之後我便得知，這種感覺 叫做「冒名頂替症候群」。

Have you ever felt out of your depth,

你們可曾覺得自己 落入不能勝任的位置，

like a fraud,

像個騙子，

and just kind of guessed/bullshitted your way through the situation --

只靠運氣好猜對或唬爛過去 就順利過關——（笑聲）

(Laughter)

petrified that anytime,

隨時都很害怕

someone was going to call you on it?

有人會揭穿你？

Well, I can think of many examples where I felt like this.

我就有這種感覺， 且我可以舉出很多例子。

Interviewing our first HR manager,

比如，面試我們的首位人資經理，

having never worked in a company that had an HR department --

我從未在有人資部門的公司工作過——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

terrified as I walked into the interview,

我走去面試時緊張死了，心想：

thinking, "What am I going to ask this person?"

「我要問這個人什麼？」

Or attending board meetings in a T-shirt surrounded by suits,

或當其他人都穿西裝時， 穿著 T 恤參加股東會議，

and acronyms are flying around,

他們滿口都是術語簡稱，

feeling like a five-year-old

我覺得我好像五歲小孩， 偷偷在筆記本寫這些簡稱，

as I surreptitiously write them down in my notebook,

so I can look them up on Wikipedia when I get home later.

回家之後就可以馬上查維基百科。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Or, in the early days,

或者，在早期有人 打電話來追討應付帳款，

when people would call up and ask for accounts payable,

我會嚇呆並心想：「等等，

I would freeze and think, "Wait, are they asking for money

他們是在跟我們要錢， 還是要給我們錢？」

or giving it to us?"

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I would cover the phone,

我會摀住電話，

cover the mouthpiece of the phone,

摀住話筒，說： 「史考特，你是會計部。」

and say, "Scott, you're in accounts,"

and pass it across.

然後把電話轉過去。（笑聲）

(Laughter)

We both did a lot of jobs back then.

我們當時都做了很多工作。

So for me, impostor syndrome is a feeling of being well, well out of your depth,

所以，對我來說，

冒名頂替症候群是種 進入無法勝任的領域，

yet already entrenched in the situation.

卻已身陷其中的感覺。

Internally, you know you're not skilled enough, experienced enough

你心裡知道自己 技巧不足、經驗不夠，

or qualified enough to justify being there,

還不夠格，找不出自己 留在那裡的正當理由，

yet you are there,

但人真的就在那裡，

and you have to figure a way out,

且得想辦法脫身，

because you can't just get out.

因為你不能直接離開。

It's not a fear of failure,

這並不是懼怕失敗，

and it's not a fear of being unable to do it.

也不是懼怕無法做到。

It's more a sensation of getting away with something,

更像是僥倖的感覺，

a fear of being discovered,

懼怕被發現，

that at any time, someone is going to figure this out.

任何時候都可能被人發現怎麼回事，

And if they did figure it out,

如果真的被發現了，老實說， 你會心想：「其實我也心服口服。」

you'd honestly think, "Well, that's fair enough, actually."

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

One of my favorite writers, Neil Gaiman, put it so beautifully

我最愛的作家之一尼爾蓋曼

在一場名為「做好的藝術」的 大學畢業演說中，做了很漂亮的形容。

in a commencement address he gave at a university, called "Make Good Art."

I want to make sure I get his quote correct.

我想確保我的引述正確。

"I was convinced that there would be a knock on the door,

「我深信會有人敲門，

and a man with a clipboard would be there to tell me that it was all over,

門外是帶著寫字夾板的男子， 告訴我一切都結束了，

that they'd caught up with me,

他們已經逮到我，

and that I would now have to go and get a real job."

我得離開去找份真正的工作。」

Now, when there's a knock on my door,

當有人敲我的門時，

I still feel like some sort of dark-suited clipboard man is going to be there

我仍然覺得門外會有穿著深色西裝 拿著寫字夾板的男子，

to tell me that my time is kind of up.

來告訴我，我的時間到了。

And being a crap cook,

我超不會作菜，所以門外的人

I'm quite relieved when it's just someone with a pizza for the kids.

若是送比薩給孩子的外送員， 我會鬆一大口氣。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But it's important to note that it's not all bad.

但重要的是， 那些感覺並非全然不好，

There's a lot of goodness, I think, in those feelings.

我想，當中也有好處。

And this isn't some sort of motivational-poster type talk,

這並不是某種激勵人心的演說，

像是：「現在就開始。」

a "Begin it now."

It's more of an introspection into my own experiences of impostor syndrome,

這比較像是一種自省、反思 我對冒名頂替症候群的經驗，

and how I've tried to learn to harness them

及我如何嘗試學習去駕馭它們， 將它們轉變成某種好的力量。

and turn them into some sort of a force for good.

And a great example of those experiences

關於這些經驗，在 Atlassian 初期 有個很棒的例子。

is in the early days of Atlassian's history.

We were about four years old, and we had about 70 employees.

當時，公司創立約四年，

員工數約為七十。

And at the advice of our auditors --

根據我們審計員的意見——

most good stories start with advice from an auditor --

好故事多半從審計員的 建議開始——（笑聲）

(Laughter)

我們參加了新南威爾斯州 年度企業家競賽。

we entered the New South Wales Entrepreneur of the Year competition.

Now, we were surprised when we won

沒想到我們贏得組內的 新南威爾斯州年度企業家，

the New South Wales Entrepreneur of the Year

in the young category for entrepreneurs under 40.

我們屬於四十歲以下的 年輕企業家組，

There were eight categories.

總共有八組。

And so surprised, in fact,

事實上，我驚訝到

having looked at the list of people we were up against,

我看過對手的名單之後，

I didn't even turn up to the awards ceremony.

我甚至沒有出席頒獎典禮。

So Scott collected the gong by himself.

所以史考特自己去領了獎。

And then we traveled off to the national awards.

接著，我們邁向全國獎。

I thought I should probably turn up to those.

我想，全國獎我應該要露面。

So we rented some suits,

所以我們租了西裝，

I invited a girl that I had just met --

我邀請了一位我才認識的女孩——

we'll get to her in a second --

我們等下再來談她——（笑聲）

(Laughter)

and off we went to the big black-tie gala.

我們去了一個要穿 半正式禮服的大盛會。

Now, our surprise turned to shock

當晚頒發第一個獎—— 年輕人組的獎時，

in the first award of the night, the young category,

我們的驚訝變成驚嚇，

when we beat all of the other states

我們打敗所有其他州， 贏得澳洲年度年輕企業家。

and won the Australian Young Entrepreneur of the Year.

When the shock had worn off,

驚嚇退去之後， 我們桌上多了很多香檳，

we got a lot of champagne to the table and the party began,

後來派對開始，那晚八成沒事了，

and the night was surely over.

We were having a royally great time.

我們非常盡興。

Fast-forward to the last award of the night,

快轉到當晚的最後一個獎，

and our shock turned into everybody's shock

我們的驚嚇變成大家的驚嚇，

when we won the Australian Entrepreneur of the Year

我們打敗所有其他組， 贏得了澳洲年度企業家，

against all of the other categories.

事實上，就連負責揭獎的 安永執行長也驚嚇到

Now, so shocked was everybody else, in fact,

that the announcer, the CEO of Ernst and Young,

打開信封之後說出的 第一句話是：「我的天。」

opened the envelope,

and the first words out of his mouth were, "Oh my God."

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

And then he reset himself and announced that we had won.

接著，他重新調整一下自己， 宣布我們贏了。（笑聲）

(Laughter)

So we knew we were in way too deep.

我們知道我們進入更深的領域。

And from there, the water got a lot deeper,

從那裡開始，能力要求更高，

because we jetted off to Monte Carlo

因為我們搭噴射機到蒙地卡羅，

to represent Australia in the World Entrepreneur of the Year

代表澳洲參加世界年度企業家，

against 40 other different countries.

對抗其他四十個國家。

Now, in another rented suit, I was at one of the dinners

我穿著另一件租來的西裝， 參加了一場晚宴，

and sitting next to a lovely man called Belmiro de Azevedo,

坐在我旁邊的是一位很棒的人， 名叫貝米洛·阿茲維，

who was the winner from Portugal.

他是葡萄牙的贏家。

Total champion.

完全就是個冠軍。

At 65, he had been running his business for 40 years.

他六十五歲，經營他的事業四十年。

He had 30,000 employees.

他有三萬名員工。

Don't forget, at the time, we had 70.

別忘了，當時我們只有七十名員工。

And he had four billion euro in turnover.

他的營業額有四十億歐元。

And after a couple of wines,

喝幾杯酒之後，

I remember admitting to him that I felt that we did not deserve to be there,

我記得我向他坦白， 我覺得我們不應該在這裡，

that we were well out of our depth,

這深度對我們太深了，

and at some time, someone was going to figure this out

且遲早會有人想通這一點，

and send us home to Australia.

把我們送回澳洲老家。

And he, I remember, just paused and looked at me

我記得，他暫停一下看著我，

and said that he felt exactly the same way

說他也有同感，

and that he suspected all the winners were feeling that way,

且他懷疑可能所有贏家 都有那樣的感覺，

and that despite not knowing Scott or I or really anything about technology,

儘管他不懂科技， 也不認識我和史考特，

he said that we were obviously doing something right

他說我們顯然是做對了什麼， 且應該繼續下去。

and should probably just keep going.

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

這個重要時刻， 我突然醒悟，原因有二。

Now, this was a pretty big light bulb moment for me for two reasons.

第一，我發現別人也有這樣的感覺。

One, I realized that other people felt this as well.

And two, I realized it doesn't go away with any form of success.

第二，我發現不論得到哪種 形式的成功，這感覺都不會消失。

I had assumed that successful people didn't feel like frauds,

我原本假設成功人士 不會覺得自己像騙子，

and I now know that the opposite is more likely to be true.

現在我知道，事實可能相反。

And this isn't just a feeling that I have at work.

我不只在工作上有這樣的感覺， 在個人生活中也有。

It happens in my personal life, too.

In the early days,

早期，

I was flying back and forth to San Francisco every week for Atlassian,

我每週要往返舊金山 處理 Atlassian 的事，

and I racked up a lot of frequent flyer points

我累計了很多哩程數， 因此可以使用澳航的貴賓室。

and got access to the Qantas business lounge.

Now, if there's ever a place that I don't belong ...

若世界上有一個地方 和我很不搭……

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It doesn't help when I walk in and they generally look at me in shorts and jeans,

當我走進去，他們看著我 穿短褲、牛仔裝或牛仔褲、T 恤，

or jeans and a T-shirt, and say, "Can I help you, son? Are you lost?"

說：「孩子需要幫忙嗎？ 你迷路了嗎？」

But anyway, sometimes life happens in the Qantas lounge

總之，有時在貴賓室裡，

在最沒有預期的時候， 意外就發生了。

when you'd least expect it.

One morning, over a decade ago,

十多年前的一天早上，

I was sitting there on my regularly weekly commute,

我坐在貴賓室中， 那是每週例行的通勤，

and a beautiful woman from way out of my league

一名漂亮的女子，我這 癩蛤蟆吃不到的天鵝肉，

walked into the Qantas lounge and continued walking straight up to me

走進了澳航的貴賓室， 且直直走向我，

in a case of mistaken identity.

其實是弄錯人了。

She thought I was someone else,

她以為我是別人，

so in this case, I actually was an impostor.

所以，當時我的確是冒名頂替者。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But rather than freeze as I would have historically done

這種情況下，我通常整個呆住，

or chivalrously maybe informed her of her error,

也許會彬彬有禮地告訴她弄錯了，

I just tried to keep the conversation going.

但這次我只是設法繼續對話。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And classic Australian bullshit became some sort of forward movement

典型的澳洲打屁讓我邁進了一步，

and a phone number.

還拿到了電話號碼。

And I took that girl to the awards ceremony a couple of months later.

幾個月後，我帶那個女孩

去參加頒獎典禮。

And more than a decade later,

十年多之後，我非常開心， 她現在是我太太，

I'm incredibly happy that she is now my wife,

我們有四個很棒的孩子。

and we have four amazing children together.

（掌聲）

(Applause)

But you'd think that when I wake up every morning,

你們可能會認為， 我每天早上起床時，

I wouldn't roll over and look at her and think, "She's going to say,

會轉向她、看著她，心想：「她會說

『你是誰？誰把床的 這一半給你的？』

'Who are you, and who gave you that side of the bed?'

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

'Get out of here.'"

『滾出去。』」

But she doesn't.

但她沒有這樣說。

And I think she sometimes feels the same way.

我想她有時也會有同感。

And apparently, that's one of the reasons

很顯然，這是我們的婚姻 能夠成功的原因之一。

that we'll likely have a successful marriage.

You see, in researching this talk,

為這場演說做研究時，

I learned that one of the attributes of the most successful relationships

我發現，大部分 成功關係的共同特徵之一，

is when both partners feel out of their league.

就是雙方都覺得配不上對方。

They feel that their partner is out of their league.

他們覺得對方高不可攀， 覺得自己像冒名頂替者。

They feel like impostors.

And if they don't freeze, and they're thankful,

如果他們沒有嚇呆， 他們就會很感恩，

and they work harder and they stretch to be the best partner they can,

他們會更努力， 盡力成為最好的伴侶，

這樣的關係就可能非常成功。

it's likely to be a very successful relationship.

So if you have this feeling, don't freeze.

所以，若你有這種感覺，別嚇呆。

Try to keep the conversation going,

試著讓對話繼續下去，

even if she thinks that you're somebody that you're not.

即使她認為你是某個你不是的人。

Now, feeling like, or people thinking I'm someone I'm not

覺得自己像──或者別人認為 我是某個不是我的人，

actually happens quite frequently.

這種情況其實常常發生。

A great example from my more recent past,

最近有個很好的例子，

a few months ago, I was up late at night with one of my kids,

幾個月前，我跟我的 一個孩子很晚還沒睡，

and I saw something on Twitter

我在推特上看到

about Tesla saying that they could solve

特斯拉說他們能夠解決

South Australia's rolling series of power crises

南澳洲滾滾而來的一連串能源危機，

with one of their large industrial batteries.

用一種他們發明的大型工業電池。

Without thinking, I fired off a bunch of tweets,

我想都沒想就發了一堆推文，

challenging them and saying were they really serious about this.

挑戰他們，問他們是認真的嗎？

And in doing so, I managed to kick a very small rock

我這麼做是將非常小的石頭 從非常大的山丘上踢下去，

off a very big hill

that turned into an avalanche that I found myself tumbling in the middle of.

結果造成山崩， 而把我自己困在裡面。

Because you see, a few hours later, Elon tweeted me back and said

因為幾小時後，伊隆回覆了 我的推文，說他們非常認真，

that they were deadly serious,

that within a hundred days of contract signing,

在合約簽署的一百天內，

they could install a 100-megawatt-hour facility,

他們就可以設置發十萬度電的設施，

which is a giant battery of a world-class size,

那會是一個世界級尺寸的巨型電池，

one of the biggest ever made on the planet.

地球史上最大的電池之一。

And that's when all hell really broke loose.

此時開始天翻地覆。

Within 24 hours, I had every major media outlet

二十四小時之內， 所有的大型媒體通路

texting and emailing and trying to get in contact with me

都嘗試用訊息和電子郵件聯絡我，

to get opinion as some sort of "expert" in energy.

想要取得某種能源「專家」的意見。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now, at the time, I couldn't really have told you the difference

那時我其實說不出

between a one-and-a-half-volt AA battery that goes in my kids' toys

我孩子的玩具裡面 裝的 1.5V AA 電池，

and a 100-megawatt-hour industrial-scale battery facility

和南澳洲要做發十萬度電的 工業等級電池設備有什麼差別，

that goes in South Australia

後者還可能可以解決 南澳洲的能源危機。

that could potentially solve their power crisis.

I was now feeling a chronic case of impostor syndrome,

所以當時我體會到 慢性冒名頂替症候群，

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

and it got truly bizarre.

而且變得相當怪。

And I remember thinking to myself,

我記得我當時心想：

"Shit. I've kind of started something here and I can't really get out.

「該死。我自己起了頭， 結果無脫身。

If I abandon the situation,

如果我不戰而逃，

I'm going to sort of set back renewables in Australia

我可能會造成澳洲的 可再生能源被推延，

and maybe just look like a complete idiot

也許還會看起來像個大白痴，

because of my idiocy on Twitter."

因為我在推特上做了白痴的行為。」

So I thought the only thing I could do

所以，我想，唯一能做的

was to try not to freeze and to try to learn.

就是試著不要嚇呆，試著去學習。

So I spent a week

所以，我花了一週，

trying to learn everything I could about industrial-scale batteries

盡我所能去了解工業規模的電池、

and the electricity grid and renewables and the economics of all of this

電力網、可再生能源、 這一切的經濟面，

and whether this was even a feasible proposal.

以及這個提案是否恰當。

I talked to the chief scientist, I talked to the CSIRO,

我和首席科學家談過， 我和聯邦科學與工業研究組織談過，

had multiple ministers and premiers trying to give me their side of the story

讓許多首長、部長試著告訴我

從他們立場出發，不同角度的故事。

from both sides of the aisle.

I managed to exchange tweets with the prime minister.

我試圖和首相透過推特交換想法。

I even managed to pull off a passing impression, let's say,

我甚至想辦法創造出某種印象，

姑且說是澳洲廣電 時事節目裡的能源專家。

of an energy expert on ABC Lateline.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But as a result of all this,

這一切的結果是，

South Australia did put out a battery tender,

南澳洲確實進行了電池招標，

and they had more than 90 applications for that battery tender.

那個電池就有九十家廠商投標。

And the national conversation over a period of a few months

那幾個月間的全國談話也有所改變，

moved from the sort of theatrical lumps of coal in the parliament

從戲劇性帶到國會中的煤塊，

to discussing kind of which industrial-scale battery chemistry

變成開始討論哪種 工業規模的電池化學

was the best for building large-scale renewable batteries.

最適合用來打造 大規模可再生電池。

So I think that the important lesson is by that time in my life,

我想，我學到重要的一課， 就是我的人生走到這個階段，

I knew well that I was an impostor.

我非常清楚我是個冒名頂替者。

I knew I was miles out of my depth.

我知道我到了超出能力所及的領域。

But instead of freezing, I tried to learn as much as I could,

與其嚇傻，我反而盡可能去學習，

motivated by my fear of generally looking like an idiot,

動機是：我怕自己平常 看起來就像個白痴，

and tried to turn that into some sort of a force for good.

我試圖把它變成某種好的力量。

So one of the things I've learned

我學到一件事，就是

is that people think successful people don't feel like frauds.

大家不會認為成功的人 覺得自己像冒名頂替者。

But I think, especially knowing a lot of entrepreneurs,

但尤其是在我認識許多企業家之後，

the opposite is more likely to be true.

我認為事實可能正好相反。

But the most successful people I know don't question themselves,

但我認識的多數成功者

不會質疑自己，

but they do heavily question, regularly question, their ideas

但經常會非常用力地質疑

他們的想法和他們的知識。

and their knowledge.

They know when the water is way too deep,

他們知道自己何時進入 超過他們能力的領域，

and they're not afraid to ask for advice.

而他們不怕尋求建議。 他們不認為那是壞事。

They don't see that as a bad thing.

And they use that advice to hone those ideas, to improve them

他們用那些建議來調整、 改進他們的想法並學習。

and to learn.

And it's OK to be out of your depth sometimes.

偶爾，超出能力所及也沒關係。

I'm frequently out of my depth.

我就常常做超出能力所及的事。 超出能力所及沒關係。

It's OK to be out of your depth.

It's OK to be in a situation where you just can't push the eject button,

身處在你無法按下 逃脱鈕的情況中也沒關係，

so long as you don't freeze,

只要你不嚇呆，

so long as you harness the situation, don't be paralyzed

只要你能駕馭那個情況， 不要駐足不前，

and try to turn it into some sort of a force for good.

將它轉變成某種好的力量就好。

And it's important that I say "harness" here,

我剛剛用了「駕馭」 這個詞，這很重要，

because this isn't sort of pop-psychology BS

因為對我來說這不是 大眾心理學的鬼屁論調，

about conquering impostor syndrome for me.

可以用來克服冒名頂替症候群。

It's merely about being aware of it.

要做的只有意識到它。

In fact, I'm extremely aware of feeling like an impostor right now,

事實上，我現在就意識到 這種冒名頂替的感覺，

as I'm up here, some sort of pseudo-expert

我站在這裡像某種偽專家，

on a feeling that I couldn't even put a name to a few months ago,

幾個月前我同意來演說時，

甚至不知道我要談的這種感覺叫什麼。

when I agreed to do this talk.

Which, if you think about it, is kind of the point, isn't it?

不過，仔細想想， 這才是重點，對吧？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）