3 things new parents should consider before going back to work | The Way We Work, a TED series

Transcriber: TED Translators admin

翻译人员: Hannah Xie 校对人员: Yizhuo He

When I was pregnant, I just got very frustrated.

我怀孕的时候总是感到非常沮丧——

Don't eat deli meats, do this particular prenatal test.

不吃熟食肉品， 做特定的产前测试。

Why did you make that choice? Why didn't you make a different choice?

为什么你做了那样一个选择？ 为什么没有选择另一个？

I felt like I was being told to do things, and I never got the answer to why.

我感觉总是有人跟我说该做什么， 却从来不告诉我为什么。

[The Way We Work]

【我们的工作方式】

Sometimes in the world of modern parenting you just can't seem to win.

在现代社会养孩子， 有时候好像就是没法十全十美。

If I go back to work, I spend less time with my kid.

如果我回去上班， 那我陪孩子的时间就少了。

What if they don't get the attention they need to adequately develop?

他们要是没法获得 成长所必需的足够关注该怎么办？

If I stay home and give up my income stream,

如果我待在家里带孩子， 放弃我的收入来源，

我以后回想起来 会不会后悔这个决定？

will I look back and regret my decision?

There's a lot of conflicting advice out there

社会上有各种 相互矛盾的建议告诉你，

about whether to stay home or go back to work,

到底应该在家带孩子还是回去上班，

so trying to make a choice between the two can be confusing and emotional.

所以在两者间做出选择有时候 让人很困惑，也容易变得情绪化。

You love your kids and want what's best for them,

你爱你的孩子， 希望他们获得最好的，

but how do you determine what best means when everyone has a different opinion?

但是当每个人都有不同的意见时， 你又怎么确定什么是最好的呢？

There are many variations of parents that a household can have,

不同的家庭有不同类型的父母，

and I think more families should be asking the question

我觉得更多家庭 应该问这么一个问题：

of whether it makes sense for the male partner to stay home.

是不是可以让爸爸留在家里带孩子？

But the truth is that in the current time,

但实际上，当今时代，

most of the discussions about stay-at-home parents

大部分关于到底是否 留在家里带孩子的讨论

focus on women in particular.

关注的都是妈妈。

而且通常都是女性觉得

And it's usually the women who say they feel

that what they do during the day is going to determine at a deep level

她们每天所做的事情 将会在深层面决定

what kind of mom and person they are.

她们会成为什么样的妈妈， 什么样的人。

That is a huge weight to put on yourself as a parent.

这是你作为父母 给自己施加的一个巨大压力。

And when you're met with the side-eye

当你跟别人说 你要回去工作或者待在家里时，

after telling someone you're going back to work or not,

得到的却是别人不赞同的眼神，

it can poke holes in your confidence.

这对你的自信心会是很大的伤害。

I decided to dig in and find out.

所以我决定自己研究一下，

到底是留在家里好，还是回去工作好？

Is it better to stay at home or go back to work?

It's an emotional decision, yes,

这是一个情绪化的决定，没错，

but as an economist I've learned that we can use data

但是作为一名经济学家， 我也知道可以用数据

to help navigate through those emotional decisions

来指导这些情绪化的决定，

and feel confident we're making the best decision for our family.

并有信心认为，我们所做的决定 对家庭来说是最好的。

Specifically there are three main factors you should consider before you decide.

具体来说，你在做决定之前 要考虑三个主要因素。

First, you need to think about

首先，你需要想一想

how this decision will affect your family budget.

这个决定会如何影响你的家庭预算。

Let's do some numbers.

我们来计算一下。

假设你全家的总收入为 10 万美元，

Say your total household income is 100,000 dollars,

with you and your partner making 50,000 each.

你和你另一半每人赚 5 万美元。

That means you bring home about 85,000 dollars after taxes.

那么税后总收入就是 8.5 万美元。

If both of you work

如果两个人都工作，

and the family pays 1,500 dollars a month for childcare,

每个月托儿费会花掉 1500 美元，

your total disposable income would be 67,000 dollars a year.

那么每年的可支配收入 就是 6.7 万美元。

Are you with me so far?

跟上我讲的了吗？

If you decide to stay home,

如果你决定待在家不上班，

your family makes less but you don't pay for childcare.

那么你家的收入就会减少， 但也不用付托儿费了。

你们的可支配收入 在这种情况下会变少，

Your disposable income goes down in this scenario,

但考虑到省去了托儿费， 所以并没有减少得那么多。

but not by as much as it would if you didn't factor in the childcare.

It becomes more complicated if childcare is more expensive in your area.

如果你们当地的托儿费更贵的话， 那情况就更复杂了。

雇一个全职保姆一年的费用 可能高达 4 至 5 万美元，

A full-time nanny can run 40, 50,000 dollars a year

depending on where you live.

取决于你的居住地。

If that's the case in your neighborhood, in the scenario I outlined,

如果你生活的环境和我说的差不多，

it would completely wipe out one parent's income,

那这个费用就相当于 一方的收入那么多了，

and you'd be better off financially with one parent staying home.

所以父母中有一方在家带孩子 经济上会稍微好点。

Of course, this is only a short-term analysis.

当然，这还只是短期分析。

Childcare is less expensive sometimes when kids are in school,

当孩子上学后，托儿费 可能就没有那么多了，

and you may make a higher income later, so you want to factor that in if you can.

而且你以后的收入也可能会增加， 所以你也应尽量把这一点考虑进来。

Once you've done the math, you'll know what's possible

只要算一下， 你就会知道到底有哪些可能性，

and you'll be able to make a more informed choice,

从而做出一个更明智的选择，

也会让你觉得更有信心。

which should feel empowering.

Second, it's time to talk about what's best for your child.

第二，我们需要谈谈 什么对你的孩子来说是最好的。

You may think this should be the core of your decision,

你可能会觉得， 这应该是你做决定的核心，

但重点在于， 其实根本没有正确答案。

but there's actually no right answer.

According to studies from Europe and the US,

根据欧美的一些研究，

the decision to go back to work or stay at home

回去工作还是 在家照顾孩子的决定

won't actually make or break your child's future success.

对你孩子未来的成功 并没有决定性的影响。

Research shows that two parents working full-time

研究表明， 父母双方都有全职工作，

has a similar effect on your child's future test scores and income

对孩子未来的考试成绩 和收入的影响

to one parent working and one not.

和只有一方工作的影响差不多。

What seems to be most important is the environment

最重要的其实是你的孩子

your child is in during their spare time.

在空闲时所处的环境。

As long as they're engaging in enriching activities;

只要他们参与到丰富的活动中：

阅读、运动、 和其他孩子互动等等，

reading, practicing their motor skills, interacting with other kids,

they're going to thrive whether or not you're at home.

那么不管你是不是在家陪着他们， 他们都会很好的成长。

There is a bit of nuance in the data.

研究数据中也存在细微的差别。

For example, studies have found,

比如，有研究发现，

that if both parents work,

如果父母双方都工作，

kids from poorer families are impacted positively,

穷人家的孩子会受到积极的影响，

而富裕家庭的孩子 受到的影响就没有那么正面。

and kids from richer families are impacted less positively.

So depending on your household configuration,

所以这也取决于 你的家庭经济情况，

the effects on your child could be a little positive,

（父母双方工作）对孩子 可能产生一点点正面影响,

or a little negative,

或者一点点负面影响,

but the overall impact is negligible.

但总的来说， 这种影响可以忽略不计。

Now I want to call out an exception: maternity leave.

我现在要提到一个特殊情况：产假。

There is a growing body of evidence suggesting that babies do better

越来越多的证据表明， 如果妈妈休些产假，

对孩子的成长会更有好处。

when their mothers take some maternity leave.

The early days with your child can impact their development,

你和孩子相处的早期时光 会影响到他们的成长发育，

so if you have paid leave, you should take it,

所以如果你有带薪产假， 就最好要休。

and if you don't, maybe consider

如果你没有，也可以考虑一下

taking some unpaid leave for those first few months,

在孩子出生后的头几个月， 休些不带薪的产假，

if your budget allows.

当然是在家庭经济状况 允许的情况下。

And finally, ask yourself, what do I want?

最后，问问自己， 你到底想要什么？

While this may seem simple,

这个问题看起来很简单，

it's the factor that feels most taboo to explore.

但感觉却像是我们 最避讳去考虑的一个因素。

In talking to parents I find that when a woman chooses to stay home,

我在和一些宝爸宝妈聊天时， 我发现当一名女性选择留在家里时，

she often feels obligated to say

她会觉得她有义务去说，

she made this choice for her children's optimal development.

她做这个决定是为了 让孩子获得最好的发展。

Which, sure, can be part of the reason,

当然，这也许是其中一个原因，

but a perfectly acceptable answer is, "this is the lifestyle I prefer,"

但是一个完全可被接受的回答则是， “这是我更喜欢的生活方式，”

or "this is what works for my family."

或者“这是适合我的家庭的生活方式。”

The same goes for the working mother.

对于职场妈妈也是如此。

Saying, "I like my job, and that's why I went back to work," is enough.

和别人说“我喜欢我的工作， 这是我回来工作的原因”就足够了。

If you want to go back to work, that's great.

如果你想要回去工作，那非常好。

You're lucky to have a job that you love

你很幸运有份自己热爱的工作，

and you have every right to keep it once you become a parent.

也完全有权利在为人父母后 继续保有这份工作。

Be honest with yourself about what you'd like to do.

对自己坦诚些， 明白自己想做什么。

If you're upfront about that, you're guaranteed to feel happier,

如果你能坦率地面对这一点， 那你绝对会感到更开心，

which will allow you to be the best version of a parent you can be,

也能够成为自己 所能做到的最好的父母，

这难道不是最重要的吗？

and isn't that the whole point?

There is no right and wrong when it comes to parenting.

教育孩子的问题没有什么对错。

最好的决定是

The best decision is the one

that will make you -- and your family -- the happiest.

会让你和家人最开心的那个。

Up to you to decide what's next.

下一步该怎么走由你来决定。

By acknowledging that the choice to stay home or not

选择留在家还是去工作

is just that, a choice,

只不过就是一个选择而已，

with factors pushing you in various directions,

很多因素会把你推向不同的方向，

we can ditch the guilt and enjoy doing what feels best for our families.

认识到这一点，我们就能抛开愧疚感， 做出你觉得对你的家庭来说最好的决定。