3 things new parents should consider before going back to work | The Way We Work, a TED series

55,767 views

2020-02-10 ・ TED


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3 things new parents should consider before going back to work | The Way We Work, a TED series

55,767 views ・ 2020-02-10

TED


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

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Transcriber: TED Translators admin
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When I was pregnant, I just got very frustrated.
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Don't eat deli meats, do this particular prenatal test.
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Why did you make that choice? Why didn't you make a different choice?
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I felt like I was being told to do things, and I never got the answer to why.
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[The Way We Work]
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Sometimes in the world of modern parenting you just can't seem to win.
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If I go back to work, I spend less time with my kid.
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What if they don't get the attention they need to adequately develop?
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If I stay home and give up my income stream,
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will I look back and regret my decision?
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There's a lot of conflicting advice out there
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about whether to stay home or go back to work,
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so trying to make a choice between the two can be confusing and emotional.
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You love your kids and want what's best for them,
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but how do you determine what best means when everyone has a different opinion?
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There are many variations of parents that a household can have,
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and I think more families should be asking the question
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of whether it makes sense for the male partner to stay home.
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But the truth is that in the current time,
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most of the discussions about stay-at-home parents
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focus on women in particular.
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And it's usually the women who say they feel
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that what they do during the day is going to determine at a deep level
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what kind of mom and person they are.
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That is a huge weight to put on yourself as a parent.
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And when you're met with the side-eye
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after telling someone you're going back to work or not,
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it can poke holes in your confidence.
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I decided to dig in and find out.
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Is it better to stay at home or go back to work?
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It's an emotional decision, yes,
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but as an economist I've learned that we can use data
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to help navigate through those emotional decisions
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and feel confident we're making the best decision for our family.
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Specifically there are three main factors you should consider before you decide.
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First, you need to think about
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how this decision will affect your family budget.
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Let's do some numbers.
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Say your total household income is 100,000 dollars,
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with you and your partner making 50,000 each.
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That means you bring home about 85,000 dollars after taxes.
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If both of you work
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and the family pays 1,500 dollars a month for childcare,
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your total disposable income would be 67,000 dollars a year.
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Are you with me so far?
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If you decide to stay home,
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your family makes less but you don't pay for childcare.
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Your disposable income goes down in this scenario,
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but not by as much as it would if you didn't factor in the childcare.
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It becomes more complicated if childcare is more expensive in your area.
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A full-time nanny can run 40, 50,000 dollars a year
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depending on where you live.
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If that's the case in your neighborhood, in the scenario I outlined,
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it would completely wipe out one parent's income,
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and you'd be better off financially with one parent staying home.
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Of course, this is only a short-term analysis.
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Childcare is less expensive sometimes when kids are in school,
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and you may make a higher income later, so you want to factor that in if you can.
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Once you've done the math, you'll know what's possible
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and you'll be able to make a more informed choice,
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which should feel empowering.
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Second, it's time to talk about what's best for your child.
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You may think this should be the core of your decision,
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but there's actually no right answer.
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According to studies from Europe and the US,
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the decision to go back to work or stay at home
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won't actually make or break your child's future success.
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Research shows that two parents working full-time
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has a similar effect on your child's future test scores and income
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to one parent working and one not.
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What seems to be most important is the environment
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your child is in during their spare time.
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As long as they're engaging in enriching activities;
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reading, practicing their motor skills, interacting with other kids,
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they're going to thrive whether or not you're at home.
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There is a bit of nuance in the data.
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For example, studies have found,
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that if both parents work,
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kids from poorer families are impacted positively,
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and kids from richer families are impacted less positively.
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So depending on your household configuration,
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the effects on your child could be a little positive,
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or a little negative,
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but the overall impact is negligible.
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Now I want to call out an exception: maternity leave.
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There is a growing body of evidence suggesting that babies do better
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when their mothers take some maternity leave.
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The early days with your child can impact their development,
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so if you have paid leave, you should take it,
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and if you don't, maybe consider
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taking some unpaid leave for those first few months,
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if your budget allows.
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And finally, ask yourself, what do I want?
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While this may seem simple,
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it's the factor that feels most taboo to explore.
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In talking to parents I find that when a woman chooses to stay home,
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she often feels obligated to say
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she made this choice for her children's optimal development.
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Which, sure, can be part of the reason,
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but a perfectly acceptable answer is, "this is the lifestyle I prefer,"
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or "this is what works for my family."
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The same goes for the working mother.
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Saying, "I like my job, and that's why I went back to work," is enough.
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If you want to go back to work, that's great.
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You're lucky to have a job that you love
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and you have every right to keep it once you become a parent.
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Be honest with yourself about what you'd like to do.
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If you're upfront about that, you're guaranteed to feel happier,
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which will allow you to be the best version of a parent you can be,
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and isn't that the whole point?
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There is no right and wrong when it comes to parenting.
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The best decision is the one
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that will make you -- and your family -- the happiest.
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Up to you to decide what's next.
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By acknowledging that the choice to stay home or not
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is just that, a choice,
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with factors pushing you in various directions,
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we can ditch the guilt and enjoy doing what feels best for our families.
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