3 things new parents should consider before going back to work | The Way We Work, a TED series

55,828 views

2020-02-10 ・ TED


New videos

3 things new parents should consider before going back to work | The Way We Work, a TED series

55,828 views ・ 2020-02-10

TED


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

00:00
Transcriber: TED Translators admin
0
0
7000
00:12
When I was pregnant, I just got very frustrated.
1
12149
2767
00:14
Don't eat deli meats, do this particular prenatal test.
2
14940
2685
00:17
Why did you make that choice? Why didn't you make a different choice?
3
17649
3267
00:20
I felt like I was being told to do things, and I never got the answer to why.
4
20940
4518
00:25
[The Way We Work]
5
25482
2958
00:29
Sometimes in the world of modern parenting you just can't seem to win.
6
29815
3310
00:33
If I go back to work, I spend less time with my kid.
7
33149
2476
00:35
What if they don't get the attention they need to adequately develop?
8
35649
3267
00:38
If I stay home and give up my income stream,
9
38940
2185
00:41
will I look back and regret my decision?
10
41149
2267
00:43
There's a lot of conflicting advice out there
11
43440
2185
00:45
about whether to stay home or go back to work,
12
45649
2184
00:47
so trying to make a choice between the two can be confusing and emotional.
13
47857
3643
00:51
You love your kids and want what's best for them,
14
51524
2309
00:53
but how do you determine what best means when everyone has a different opinion?
15
53857
3726
00:57
There are many variations of parents that a household can have,
16
57607
3018
01:00
and I think more families should be asking the question
17
60649
2601
01:03
of whether it makes sense for the male partner to stay home.
18
63274
2851
01:06
But the truth is that in the current time,
19
66149
2059
01:08
most of the discussions about stay-at-home parents
20
68232
2351
01:10
focus on women in particular.
21
70607
1434
01:12
And it's usually the women who say they feel
22
72065
2226
01:14
that what they do during the day is going to determine at a deep level
23
74315
4060
01:18
what kind of mom and person they are.
24
78399
2226
01:20
That is a huge weight to put on yourself as a parent.
25
80649
2517
01:23
And when you're met with the side-eye
26
83190
1851
01:25
after telling someone you're going back to work or not,
27
85065
2601
01:27
it can poke holes in your confidence.
28
87690
1851
01:29
I decided to dig in and find out.
29
89565
1643
01:31
Is it better to stay at home or go back to work?
30
91232
2268
01:33
It's an emotional decision, yes,
31
93524
1559
01:35
but as an economist I've learned that we can use data
32
95107
2559
01:37
to help navigate through those emotional decisions
33
97690
2351
01:40
and feel confident we're making the best decision for our family.
34
100065
3060
01:43
Specifically there are three main factors you should consider before you decide.
35
103149
3767
01:46
First, you need to think about
36
106940
1476
01:48
how this decision will affect your family budget.
37
108440
2351
01:50
Let's do some numbers.
38
110815
1268
01:52
Say your total household income is 100,000 dollars,
39
112107
2768
01:54
with you and your partner making 50,000 each.
40
114899
2517
01:57
That means you bring home about 85,000 dollars after taxes.
41
117440
3976
02:01
If both of you work
42
121440
1476
02:02
and the family pays 1,500 dollars a month for childcare,
43
122940
3185
02:06
your total disposable income would be 67,000 dollars a year.
44
126149
3476
02:09
Are you with me so far?
45
129649
1267
02:10
If you decide to stay home,
46
130940
1351
02:12
your family makes less but you don't pay for childcare.
47
132315
2685
02:15
Your disposable income goes down in this scenario,
48
135024
2351
02:17
but not by as much as it would if you didn't factor in the childcare.
49
137399
3267
02:20
It becomes more complicated if childcare is more expensive in your area.
50
140690
3393
02:24
A full-time nanny can run 40, 50,000 dollars a year
51
144107
2726
02:26
depending on where you live.
52
146857
1393
02:28
If that's the case in your neighborhood, in the scenario I outlined,
53
148274
3309
02:31
it would completely wipe out one parent's income,
54
151607
2893
02:34
and you'd be better off financially with one parent staying home.
55
154524
3048
02:37
Of course, this is only a short-term analysis.
56
157596
2320
02:39
Childcare is less expensive sometimes when kids are in school,
57
159940
3935
02:43
and you may make a higher income later, so you want to factor that in if you can.
58
163899
4184
02:48
Once you've done the math, you'll know what's possible
59
168107
2601
02:50
and you'll be able to make a more informed choice,
60
170732
2393
02:53
which should feel empowering.
61
173149
1434
02:54
Second, it's time to talk about what's best for your child.
62
174607
2851
02:57
You may think this should be the core of your decision,
63
177482
2643
03:00
but there's actually no right answer.
64
180149
2601
03:02
According to studies from Europe and the US,
65
182774
3101
03:05
the decision to go back to work or stay at home
66
185899
2351
03:08
won't actually make or break your child's future success.
67
188274
2851
03:11
Research shows that two parents working full-time
68
191149
2809
03:13
has a similar effect on your child's future test scores and income
69
193982
3601
03:17
to one parent working and one not.
70
197607
2184
03:19
What seems to be most important is the environment
71
199815
2393
03:22
your child is in during their spare time.
72
202232
2351
03:24
As long as they're engaging in enriching activities;
73
204607
2476
03:27
reading, practicing their motor skills, interacting with other kids,
74
207107
3226
03:30
they're going to thrive whether or not you're at home.
75
210357
2893
03:33
There is a bit of nuance in the data.
76
213274
1851
03:35
For example, studies have found,
77
215149
2226
03:37
that if both parents work,
78
217399
1851
03:39
kids from poorer families are impacted positively,
79
219274
3726
03:43
and kids from richer families are impacted less positively.
80
223024
3267
03:46
So depending on your household configuration,
81
226315
2226
03:48
the effects on your child could be a little positive,
82
228565
2768
03:51
or a little negative,
83
231357
1268
03:52
but the overall impact is negligible.
84
232649
1809
03:54
Now I want to call out an exception: maternity leave.
85
234482
2976
03:57
There is a growing body of evidence suggesting that babies do better
86
237482
3518
04:01
when their mothers take some maternity leave.
87
241024
2142
04:03
The early days with your child can impact their development,
88
243190
3018
04:06
so if you have paid leave, you should take it,
89
246232
2518
04:08
and if you don't, maybe consider
90
248774
1684
04:10
taking some unpaid leave for those first few months,
91
250482
2476
04:12
if your budget allows.
92
252982
1393
04:14
And finally, ask yourself, what do I want?
93
254399
2642
04:17
While this may seem simple,
94
257065
1560
04:18
it's the factor that feels most taboo to explore.
95
258649
2684
04:21
In talking to parents I find that when a woman chooses to stay home,
96
261357
3393
04:24
she often feels obligated to say
97
264774
2017
04:26
she made this choice for her children's optimal development.
98
266815
3310
04:30
Which, sure, can be part of the reason,
99
270149
2767
04:32
but a perfectly acceptable answer is, "this is the lifestyle I prefer,"
100
272940
4143
04:37
or "this is what works for my family."
101
277107
1893
04:39
The same goes for the working mother.
102
279024
1809
04:40
Saying, "I like my job, and that's why I went back to work," is enough.
103
280857
3351
04:44
If you want to go back to work, that's great.
104
284232
2226
04:46
You're lucky to have a job that you love
105
286482
1934
04:48
and you have every right to keep it once you become a parent.
106
288440
2893
04:51
Be honest with yourself about what you'd like to do.
107
291357
2518
04:53
If you're upfront about that, you're guaranteed to feel happier,
108
293899
3059
04:56
which will allow you to be the best version of a parent you can be,
109
296982
3184
05:00
and isn't that the whole point?
110
300190
1518
05:01
There is no right and wrong when it comes to parenting.
111
301732
2601
05:04
The best decision is the one
112
304357
1393
05:05
that will make you -- and your family -- the happiest.
113
305774
2601
05:08
Up to you to decide what's next.
114
308399
1684
05:10
By acknowledging that the choice to stay home or not
115
310107
2518
05:12
is just that, a choice,
116
312649
2226
05:14
with factors pushing you in various directions,
117
314899
2601
05:17
we can ditch the guilt and enjoy doing what feels best for our families.
118
317524
4291
About this website

This site will introduce you to YouTube videos that are useful for learning English. You will see English lessons taught by top-notch teachers from around the world. Double-click on the English subtitles displayed on each video page to play the video from there. The subtitles scroll in sync with the video playback. If you have any comments or requests, please contact us using this contact form.

https://forms.gle/WvT1wiN1qDtmnspy7