How to have a healthier, positive relationship with sex | Tiffany Kagure Mugo and Siphumeze Khundayi

Translator: Elena Castillo Reviewer: Lila Arteman

[This talk contains mature content Viewer discretion is advised]

Avís per als espectadors. Contingut no apte per a menors.

Tiffany Kagure Mugo: OK.

Tiffany Kagure Mugo: Bé.

So we've signed up, there's no turning back now.

Ja ens hem apuntat, ja no hi ha volta enrere.

(Rialles)

(Laughter)

Siphumeze Khundayi: Hi, guys. TKM: Hello, everyone.

Siphumeze Khundayi: Hola a tots. TKM: Hola.

TKM: So, you think you know about sex.

TKM: Bé, segur que penseu que sabeu de sexe.

Chances are you don't,

Però el més probable és que no

and we are here to tell you that you don't.

i som aquí per dir-vos que no en sabeu.

SK: We are here to tell you that no matter where you come from,

SK: Som aquí per dir-vos que no importa d'on vingueu,

Abuja to Alabama, Dubai to downtown London,

d'Abuja, Alabama, Dubai o del centre de Londres,

sex has and continues to change.

el sexe ha canviat i continua canviant.

And we need to understand this

I això ho hem d'acceptar

if we're going to keep things safe and spicy.

si volem mantindre-ho segur i excitant.

TKM: So now, the act of rubbing our naked bodies together

TKM: L'acte de fregar els nostres cossos

has undergone a number of changes.

ha experimentat molts canvis.

And those changes have been affected by eons of ideas.

I aquestos canvis s'han vist afectats per segles d'idees.

Even you, as an adult, have some internalized ideas about sex

Inclús vosaltres, com adults, teniu idees assimilades sobre el sexe

that you never challenge.

a les que mai us enfronteu.

Some good, some bad and some very, very strange.

Algunes són bones, altres dolentes i altres molt, molt estranyes.

(Laughter)

(Rialles)

SK: So when you allow someone to see you butt naked,

SK: Quan deixeu que algú us vegi despullats

do you ever think about how the ideas that you internally have

penseu en algun moment com les idees que teniu assimilades

will affect whether you will like them tickling your elbow or kissing your thigh

determinaran si us agraden les pessigolles o els petons a les cuixes

or shouting out the name of a chose deity?

o cridar el nom d'una determinada deïtat?

One must do internal monitoring and evaluation

Hem de fer controls i evaluacions internes

if we are going to live our best sexy lives.

si volem viure les nostres millors vides sexuals.

TKM: And we're going to tell you how to have a great sex life, right?

TKM: I ara us contarem com tenir una vida sexual genial, d'acord?

But the first thing you need to do

Però el primer que heu de fer

is let go of the bad ideas you have about sex.

és desfer-vos de les idees dolentes que teniu sobre el sexe.

SK: Think about the things that we need to change.

SK: Penseu en aquelles coses que hem de canviar.

TKM: And the things we need to embrace in all of their shiny newness.

TKM: I en les coses que hem d'incorporar amb tota la seua excitant novetat.

So, we're going to take you on a journey of sex:

Així que ara us acompanyarem pel camí del sexe:

the bad parts of sex, historically great sexual practices

les parts dolentes del sexe, pràctiques històricament plaents

and the future of sex.

i el futur del sexe.

SK: Now, judging by the cool seven billion people on this planet,

SK: Tenint en compte que al món viuen set mil milions de persones,

human beings have been doing the sex thing for a long time.

els humans fa molt de temps que fan això del sexe.

And in vast quantities.

I en grans quantitats.

But this does not mean we are actually good at it.

Però això no significa que se'ns done bé.

From the top of my head -- rape culture.

La cultura de la violació, per exemple.

TKM: How tradition and culture limit ideas of pleasure.

TKM: Com la tradició i la cultura limiten les concepcions del plaer.

SK: Or even the idea that the nipple

SK: O inclús la idea de que al mugró

deserves the same treatment that a DJ gives his deck

se l'ha de tractar igual que un DJ als botons

when he's trying to turn up the volume.

quan intenta apujar la veu.

TKM: Like, that is a personal pet peeve of mine.

TKM: Aquesta és una mania personal.

SK: We are so scared of sex.

SK: Tenim molta por del sexe.

TKM: And we need somebody to blame for our fear.

TKM: I necessitem algú a qui culpar.

Enter women, and our fear of every part of their anatomy,

Per exemple, les dones i la nostra por de qualsevol part de la nostra anatomia,

unless we are the ones using their sexiness.

excepte quan utilitzem la nostra sensualitat.

SK: Think about it.

SK: Penseu-hi.

You can quite easily go to someone and say, "My elbow hurts."

És fàcil anar i dir a algú: "em fa mal el colze".

But try going to someone and saying,

Però intenteu dir en canvi:

"Excuse me, my vagina has a strange buzzing feeling,

"Perdone, tinc una estranya sensació vibrant a la vagina,

do you know where I can find the buzzing-vagina ointment?"

sap on puc trobar la pomada per a les vagines vibrants?"

And see how well that goes down.

I observa com acaba la conversa.

(Laughter)

(Rialles)

TKM: Does not go down well.

TKM: No acaba bé.

I once challenged friends to simply go into supermarkets

Una vegada vaig proposar als meus amics anar als supermercats

and say to strangers, "Thighs."

i simplement dir als desconeguts: "cuixes".

No one did it,

Ningú ho va fer,

despite the fact that they could have been talking about chicken or turkey.

malgrat que podrien haver estat parlant sobre pollastre o gall d'indi.

(Laughter)

(Rialles)

SK: So a number of cultural and historical notions

SK: És enorme la quantitat d'idees històriques i culturals

have burrowed so deeply within us,

que han calat tan profundament en nosaltres

we don't even notice that it's strange to freak out when somebody says "nipple"

que ni ens adonem que és estrany posar-nos nerviosos en escoltar "mugró"

as opposed to "left knee."

i no amb "genoll esquerre".

We refuse to engage with sex properly.

Ens neguem a interactuar adequadament amb el sexe.

And the first step is admitting that it exists

I el primer pas és admetre que existeix

outside of trying to sell us products like bottled water or coffee.

fora d'intentar vendre'ns productes com l'aigua embotellada o café.

The unrealistic depictions in movies

Les representacions irreals de les pel·lícules

or that one thing that you saw on the internet "by mistake."

o això que vas veure a internet "per error".

TKM: Mhm.

TKM: Mhm.

So, now in order to cure this ailment, again,

Ara, per curar aquesta enfermetat,

let us just first admit that we have some messed-up ideas of sex.

hem d'admetre que tenim conceptes confusos del sexe.

SK: And breathe in --

SK: Inspireu...

(Inhales)

(Inspira)

And let it all go.

I deixeu-los anar.

Now, it all seems pretty morbid --

Bé, tot això sembla un poc morbós,

that culture and society have failed us in our quest for coitus.

que la cultura i la societat ens hagin fallat en la recerca del coit.

But this is not the case.

Però no és el cas.

There are things that the past can teach us

Hi ha coses que el passat ens pot ensenyar

to help us upgrade the present.

per poder millorar el present.

TKM: So now, if I had a glass of Merlot -- which I really wish I did --

TKM: Si ara tingués una copa de Merlot (tant de bo la tingués)

I would pour the ancestors a drink,

Serviria una copa als nostres ancestres,

because there are ways in which African societies

perquè hi han maneres en que les societats africanes

huddled this sex thing before the C that shall not be named --

van abraçar el sexe abans de la C que no anomenarem...

SK: (Whispering) Colonization.

SK: (Murmurant) Colonització.

TKM: Came through.

TKM: va arribar.

Within African societies, we had spaces, both social and spiritual,

A les societats africanes teníem espais socials i espirituals

that helped institutionalize healthy sexual practices.

que ajudaven a institucionalitzar pràctiques sexuals saludables.

We had sexuality schools that taught social and erotic cues.

Teníem escoles de sexualitat per ensenyar mostres socials i eròtiques.

We had spaces where teenagers could engage, understand

I espais on els adolescents podien involucrar-se,

and like, properly know how to handle sexual urges,

entendre i aprendre com gestionar els impulsos sexuals,

and places where adults could handle the stresses and strifes of adulting.

i llocs on els adults podien gestionar l'estrès i els conflictes de fer-se gran.

SK: Ways that didn't include you hiding your credit card bill

SK: Sense ocultar l'extracte de la teua targeta de crèdit

or deleting that toll-free number from your phone.

o esborrar eixe número gratuït del teu mòbil.

These spaces of old were so important for women.

Aquests espais d'antany eren molt importants per a les dones.

TKM: There were African sexual practices that centered women

TKM: Algunes pràctiques sexuals africanes

and in particular, their pleasure.

es centraven en el plaer femení.

SK: And we're going to talk about one in particular

SK: I anem a parlar d'una d'elles en particular

that's named "osunality."

que s'anomena "osunalitat".

TKM: Also known as the African erotic.

TKM: També coneguda com l'eròtica africana.

Yes, my people, welcome to the Thunderdome.

Sí, senyores i senyors, benvinguts a l'explosió mental.

The erotic takes on different shapes and forms

L'eròtica pren diferents formes

as you travel the globe.

depenent de la part del món.

Now let's take a bow to the "Kama Sutra,"

És hora de saludar el "Kama Sutra",

the world's first book on the pleasures of sensual living.

el primer llibre del món sobre els plaers de la vida sexual.

More than just a mere depiction of contortionist sexual positions,

Més que una representació de postures sexuals per a contorsionistes,

it provided a comprehensive guide on living a good life.

proporciona una guia completa sobre com viure una vida plena.

What is particularly interesting for us

El que més ens interessa

is that it focused on women and creating pleasure for women.

és que es centra en les dones i com donar-los plaer.

TKM: Mhm. Shout-out to the "Kama Sutra," but back to the African erotic.

TKM: Mhm. Gràcies al "Kama Sutra" per existir, però tornem a l'Àfrica.

SK: OK, my bad, bringing it back.

SK: D'acord, culpa meva, tornem enrere.

So, Nkiru Nzegwu says that Osun, who is an orisha of the Yoruba people,

Segons Nkiru Nzegwu, Osun, un orisha dels Yoruba,

typically associated with water,

normalment associat amb l'aigua,

purity, fertility, love and, most importantly, sensuality,

puresa, fertilitat, amor i, el mes important, sensualitat,

represents a female-centered life-transforming energy

representa una energia transformadora de vida centrada en la dona

that courses through and animates life.

que transcorre per la vida i l'ànima.

She says that women who typify the osun force

Diu que les dones que representen la força d'Osun

brandish their sexuality quite openly and unselfconsciously.

llueixen la seua sexualitat obertament i inconscient.

And she goes on to say ...

I continua dient...

TKM: There you go, you got that line this time.

TKM: Aixina és, molt ben dit.

"The flow need not result in conception and birth

"El flux no ha de ser necessàriament per concebir i parir

but doesn't tell the principle of pleasure at the heart of copulation.

però no compta el principi del plaer al cor de la còpula.

This pleasure principle at the heart of the creative energy

Aquest principi del plaer al cor de la energia creativa

is metaphorically known as 'osun honey'."

es coneix metafòricament com "la mel d'Osun."

Sorry, I did not want to misquote that.

Disculpeu, no volia equivocar-me.

So now, osun honey and osunality

Aixina que la mel d'Osun i la osunalitat

re-affirm the normality of sexual pleasure and the erotic.

reafirmen la normalitat del plaer eròtic i la eròtica.

Osun, like other female deities of fertility across Africa,

Osun, com qualsevol altra deïtat femenina de la fertilitat africana,

made sure and emphasized the importance of female sexuality

es va assegurar de donar importància a la sexualitat femenina

without negating male sexuality.

sense negar la masculina.

We had the Tonga, the Bemba, the Sande

Tenim la Tonga, la Bemba, la Sande

and other similar sexuality schools of thought

i altres escoles de sexualitat similars

that taught young women about the power of this inner force.

que ensenyen les dones joves el poder de les seues forces internes.

TKM: So within the African continent,

TKM: Al continent africà, aleshores,

there's a great deal of talk about the synergic nature of sex

hi ha molt de debat sobre la naturalesa sinèrgica del sexe

and how it comes together as a social good.

i la seua aliança com a bé social.

For example, within Rwanda,

Per exemple, a Ruanda,

there is the notion that the rivers are replenished

existeix la creença de que els rius es replenen

by the act of a woman squirting.

per l'acte de l'ejaculació femenina.

(Laughter)

(Rialles)

SK: But modern-day ideas of sex have become some sort of battle

SK: Però les idees modernes sobre el sexe s'han convertit en una batalla

in which we are all trying to subvert each other.

en què tots intentem sabotejar-nos.

TKM: We are pounding the pussy, using sex as a weapon,

TKM: Estem maltractant el cony, utilitzant el sexe com un arma,

playing hard to get, conquering --

esforçant-nos per a aconseguir, conquerir.

a constant power struggle.

És una constant lluita de poder.

SK: And there is always a loser when it comes to this war.

SK: I sempre hi han perdedors a aquesta guerra.

TKM: So now the ability to openly brandish and explore your sexuality and your sex

TKM: Lluir i explorar obertament la vostra sexualitat i el vostre sexe

without it being a threat to others

sense ser una amenaça per a la resta

is at the core of engaging with healthy sexual practices.

és fonamental per a començar amb pràctiques sexuals saludables.

SK: Now this is where it begins to get really, really good.

SK: I ara és quan açò comença a posar-se interessant.

TKM: So what does it mean

TKM: Aleshores, què significa

to reconceptualize sex away from this idea of the monster hiding in the night?

reconceptualitzar el sexe i allunyar-lo de la idea d'un monstre que aguaita?

What is the potential for doing greatness

Quin és el potencial de fer-ho

on the kitchen counter, a secluded beach, the backseat of a car

als fogons de la cuina, a una platja deserta, al cotxe

or even simply in between the sheets?

o inclús simplement al llit?

Now in learning from the past and sliding into the present,

Aprenent del passat i endinsant-nos en el present,

a radical theory of sex

una teoria radical del sexe

must identify, it must describe, explain and denounce

ha de ser capaç d'identificar, descriure, explicar i denunciar

sexual oppression and erotic injustice.

l'opressió sexual i la injustícia eròtica.

TKM: And sex positivity is one of the realms

TKM: I la positivitat sexual és un dels àmbits

in which the new can be unpacked and explored.

en el que la novetat es pot descobrir i explorar.

SK: We're asking you to call upon the osun honey

SK: Us estem demanant que recorreu a la mel d'Osun

to engage with new ideas of sex and pleasure

per a implicar-vos amb noves idees del sexe i el plaer

so that we can start to build a new identity

per a que pugam començar a crear una nova identitat

that feels more like a fitted dress

que siga més com un vestit a mesura

and less like a wooden coffin slowly choking the life out of us.

i menys com una caixa de fusta que ens empresona.

Now there are a lot of people charting their own sexual paths.

Hi ha molta gent ara traçant el seus camins sexuals

But, because as HOLAAfrica --

però com a HOLAAfrica,

SK: We do sex and sexuality online --

SK: Fem sexe i sexualitat en línia.

TKM: We would be foolhardy not to mention the digital realm.

TKM: Pecaríem d'insensates si no mencionàrem l'àmbit digital.

There are women who are online, creating incredible conversations,

Hi han dones en línia creant converses increïbles,

chatting about the clitoris,

parlant sobre el clítoris,

chatting about the reverse cowgirl and also cunnilingus.

sobre la vaquera al revés i sobre cunnilingus.

SK: I like the word "cunnilingus."

SK: M'encanta eixa paraula.

TKM: I bet you do. But that's not the point.

TKM: Ja m'imagine. Però no parlem d'això.

Anyway, these women are resurrecting the work of ancestors

En qualsevol cas, les dones ressusciten l'obra dels nostres avantpassats

to have some incredible conversations

per a tindre converses increïbles

that have been previously buried and sealed.

que havien estat prèviament prohibides i enterrades.

SK: They are asking the questions that we are so afraid to ask,

SK: Fan les preguntes que a nosaltres ens fa por fer,

so that we don't end up in sticky situations.

per si acabem en situacions incòmodes.

TKM: That's true.

TKM: Això és cert.

And another space that we've been seeing the charting of a new sexual path

I un altre espai en el que hem vist com es tracen nous camins sexuals

is by queer women and their engagement in kink.

és en les dones queer i en la seua implicació en el fetitxisme.

SK: Now, think "Fifty Shades of Grey"

SK: Penseu ara en "Cinquanta ombres d'en Grey"

without the creepy rich guy who does not understand consent.

sense el ric raret que no entèn que és el consentiment.

(Laughter)

(Rialles)

TKM: So one fascinating subset of kink is actually rope play.

TKM: Una part fascinant del fetitxisme és el joc amb cordes.

SK: Shibari, also known as Kinbaku, is the Japanese art of rope play.

SK: Shibari, també dit Kinbaku, és l'art japonès del joc amb cordes.

Originally used as a means of restraining captives,

Utilitzat originàriament per a subjectar presoners,

it became sexualized and spreading across the globe

es va sexualitzar i popularitzar a tot el món

as a kinky form of restraint with a respected and erotic aesthetic.

com un fetitxe per a subjectar amb una estètica eròtica i respectuosa.

TKM: And it landed on our shores.

TKM: I ha arribat al nostre continent.

Who would have thought that African queer women would be kinksters?

Qui hauria pensat que les africanes queer serien fetitxistes?

Coming from a history of sexual violence, slavery and a lack of bodily autonomy.

Venint de la violència sexual, l'esclavitut i la dependència corporal.

Is it not too soon, you ask.

No és molt prompte? Us preguntareu.

SK: No, it's not,

SK: No, no ho és,

and these women have taught us that despite the dark history

i aquestes dones ens han ensenyat que malgrat la història obscura

that covers the body of women from our beautiful continent,

que pesa sobre el cos de les dones del nostre bell continent

these women are actively and beautifully constructing

elles construeixen de manera activa i bella

what sex and pleasure means to them.

el que significa sexe i plaer per a elles.

TKM: This is not to say that everyone now needs to rush out and engage in kink.

TKM: Açò no significa que ara tots hàgim d'apressar-nos a provar-ho

But if these queer women can come out of a history

però si aquestes dones

poden deixar enrere la història de violència, esclavitut, colonització

of, again, sexual violence, slavery, colonization

and all manner of traditional, religious and cultural pitfalls,

i totes les dificultats culturals, tradicionals i religioses,

to reconceptualize what sex and pleasure means to them,

per a reconceptualitzar allò que el sexe significa per a elles,

then you can do it, too.

aleshores vosaltres també.

SK: You can do it too, boo-boo.

SK: Vosaltres també, bu-bu.

Yes, you can.

Sí que es pot.

(Laughter)

(Rialles)

TKM: It is in taking the ideas that we have about sex -- the bad ones,

TKM: Es tracta d'agafar les idees que tenim sobre el sexe, les dolentes,

and head-butting them,

i estabornir-les,

holding on to the good ones and creating new ones

mantenint les bones i creant-ne de noves

that we can have an incredible engagement

que puguen tindre una acollida increïble

with one of the most prolific and natural human acts ever.

entre un dels actes humans més naturals i estesos.

SK: It's about figuring out what counts as a system bug.

SK: Es tracta de detectar els errors del sistema.

TKM: What to term a classic.

TKM: Què considerem clàssic.

SK: And what new features we should add.

SK: I quines noves característiques podríem afegir.

Human beings are infamous for their superpower to upgrade.

Els èssers humans són cèlebres per el seu superpoder de millorar.

This should count for our sex, too.

I això també deuria aplicar-se al sexe.

TKM: Thank you.

TKM: Gràcies.

(Applause)

(Aplaudiment)