How to have a healthier, positive relationship with sex | Tiffany Kagure Mugo and Siphumeze Khundayi

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: nr chan

[This talk contains mature content Viewer discretion is advised]

【本演說有成人內容， 建議觀看者斟酌考量。】

Tiffany Kagure Mugo: OK.

蒂芬妮 · 卡古爾摩戈：好。

So we've signed up, there's no turning back now.

我們都已報名，現在不能怯場了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Siphumeze Khundayi: Hi, guys. TKM: Hello, everyone.

史普梅茲康戴：嗨，各位。 蒂：哈囉，大家好。

TKM: So, you think you know about sex.

蒂：所以，你們認為自己了解性愛。

Chances are you don't,

很有可能並非如此，

and we are here to tell you that you don't.

我們來這裡告訴各位，並非如此。 【性之感性路：過去、現在和未來】

SK: We are here to tell you that no matter where you come from,

史：我們來這裡告訴各位， 不論你來自何方，

Abuja to Alabama, Dubai to downtown London,

從阿布賈到阿拉巴馬， 從杜拜到倫敦鬧區，

sex has and continues to change.

性愛一直在改變。

And we need to understand this

我們得要了解這一點，

if we're going to keep things safe and spicy.

這樣我們才能保持它的安全和火辣。

TKM: So now, the act of rubbing our naked bodies together

蒂：所以，一起摩擦 我們赤裸身體的動作，

has undergone a number of changes.

已經經過了數次改變。

And those changes have been affected by eons of ideas.

那些改變受到無數的想法所影響。

Even you, as an adult, have some internalized ideas about sex

即使各位已經是成人， 對性愛也有一些藏在心底的想法，

that you never challenge.

是你從來沒有挑戰過的。

Some good, some bad and some very, very strange.

有好、有壞，有些非常非常奇怪。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

史：所以，當你讓 某人看到你光屁股時，

SK: So when you allow someone to see you butt naked,

do you ever think about how the ideas that you internally have

你是否有想過 你心底的想法會如何影響到

will affect whether you will like them tickling your elbow or kissing your thigh

你是否喜歡他們搔癢 你的手肘、親吻你的大腿，

or shouting out the name of a chose deity?

或是大叫出特定女神的名字？

One must do internal monitoring and evaluation

我們必須要做內在的監控和評估，

if we are going to live our best sexy lives.

如果我們想擁有最好的性生活。

TKM: And we're going to tell you how to have a great sex life, right?

蒂：而我們將會告訴各位 如何擁有很棒的性生活。

But the first thing you need to do

但你需要先做一件事，

is let go of the bad ideas you have about sex.

放掉你對於性愛的不好想法。

SK: Think about the things that we need to change.

史：想想我們需要改變的事物。

TKM: And the things we need to embrace in all of their shiny newness.

蒂：以及我們需要擁抱的全新事物。

So, we're going to take you on a journey of sex:

所以，我們要帶各位 踏上一段性愛之旅：

the bad parts of sex, historically great sexual practices

包括性愛不好的部分、 歷史上很棒的性愛做法，

and the future of sex.

以及性愛的未來。

SK: Now, judging by the cool seven billion people on this planet,

史：地球上有七十億人， 根據這點來判斷，

human beings have been doing the sex thing for a long time.

人類從非常久以前就開始做愛了。

And in vast quantities.

且數量非常大。

But this does not mean we are actually good at it.

但這並不表示我們擅長它。

From the top of my head -- rape culture.

隨便舉個例──強暴文化。

TKM: How tradition and culture limit ideas of pleasure.

蒂：傳統以及文化 如何限制了享樂的想法。

SK: Or even the idea that the nipple

史：或甚至是奶頭應該

deserves the same treatment that a DJ gives his deck

受到的待遇是像 DJ 要把音量調高時

when he's trying to turn up the volume.

對待他的控制桌的方式。

TKM: Like, that is a personal pet peeve of mine.

蒂：那是我個人的地雷。

SK: We are so scared of sex.

史：我們如此害怕性。

TKM: And we need somebody to blame for our fear.

蒂：對於我們的恐懼， 我們要找人來怪罪。

Enter women, and our fear of every part of their anatomy,

進入女人，以及我們對 女人身體每一部分的恐懼，

unless we are the ones using their sexiness.

除非我們就是享用女人性感的人。

SK: Think about it.

史：想想這一點。

You can quite easily go to someone and say, "My elbow hurts."

你很容易就可以對一個人 說：「我的手肘會痛。」

But try going to someone and saying,

但，試著去對一個人說：

"Excuse me, my vagina has a strange buzzing feeling,

「不好意思，我的陰道 有種奇怪的酥麻感，

do you know where I can find the buzzing-vagina ointment?"

你知道我在哪裡能找到 酥麻陰道用的軟膏嗎？」

And see how well that goes down.

看看情況會變怎樣。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

TKM: Does not go down well.

蒂：肯定不會太好。

I once challenged friends to simply go into supermarkets

我曾經挑戰朋友敢不敢去超市

and say to strangers, "Thighs."

對著陌生人說：「大腿。」

No one did it,

沒有人敢做，

despite the fact that they could have been talking about chicken or turkey.

儘管這可能只是在說 雞或火雞的大腿。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

SK: So a number of cultural and historical notions

史：所以，有許多 文化和歷史上的想法見解，

have burrowed so deeply within us,

深深藏在我們的內心，

以致於我們甚至覺得， 相對於聽到別人說「左膝蓋」，

we don't even notice that it's strange to freak out when somebody says "nipple"

我們聽到「奶頭」就會 抓狂是件很正常的事。

as opposed to "left knee."

We refuse to engage with sex properly.

我們拒絕以妥當的方式從事性愛。

And the first step is admitting that it exists

第一步，是要承認它的存在，

outside of trying to sell us products like bottled water or coffee.

不僅是在試圖推銷像是瓶裝水 或咖啡之類的產品給我們。

The unrealistic depictions in movies

不切實際的描繪會出現在電影中，

or that one thing that you saw on the internet "by mistake."

或是你「不小心」在 網路上看到的那種影片中。

TKM: Mhm.

蒂：嗯。

So, now in order to cure this ailment, again,

所以，為了治好這種疾病，同樣地，

let us just first admit that we have some messed-up ideas of sex.

先讓我們承認，我們對於性愛 有一些亂七八糟的念頭。

SK: And breathe in --

史：吸氣──

(Inhales)

（吸氣）

And let it all go.

然後全部放掉。

Now, it all seems pretty morbid --

這似乎很病態──

that culture and society have failed us in our quest for coitus.

在我們追求性交時， 文化和社會讓我們失望了。

But this is not the case.

但情況並非如此。

There are things that the past can teach us

過去還是可以教我們一些事，

to help us upgrade the present.

讓我們改善現在的狀況。

TKM: So now, if I had a glass of Merlot -- which I really wish I did --

蒂：如果我有一杯梅洛葡萄酒 【向過去學習】

──真希望我有──

I would pour the ancestors a drink,

我會為祖先倒一杯酒，

because there are ways in which African societies

非洲社會有些處理性事的方法，

huddled this sex thing before the C that shall not be named --

在早於那不能說的Ｃ開頭事件──

SK: (Whispering) Colonization.

史（小聲說）：Ｃ 就是殖民。 （註：Colonization）

TKM: Came through.

蒂：發生前。

Within African societies, we had spaces, both social and spiritual,

我們非洲社會有空間， 有社交空間和心靈空間，

that helped institutionalize healthy sexual practices.

來協助將健康的性愛做法給制度化。

We had sexuality schools that taught social and erotic cues.

我們有性愛學校，在學校中 教導社交以及性慾的暗示。

We had spaces where teenagers could engage, understand

我們有空間讓青少年 能夠參與、了解，

and like, properly know how to handle sexual urges,

可能還能知道如何處理性衝動，

and places where adults could handle the stresses and strifes of adulting.

也有地方協助成人處理 「做成人的事」的壓力和糾紛。

SK: Ways that didn't include you hiding your credit card bill

史：這些方法並不包括 把信用卡帳單藏起來，

or deleting that toll-free number from your phone.

或是把手機中的免付費電話刪除。

These spaces of old were so important for women.

這些自古以來的空間， 對女性相當重要。

TKM: There were African sexual practices that centered women

蒂：有些非洲的性愛做法 是以女人為中心，

and in particular, their pleasure.

且特別重視她們的愉悅滿足。

SK: And we're going to talk about one in particular

史：我們特別要談其中一項，

that's named "osunality."

它叫做「osunality」。

TKM: Also known as the African erotic.

蒂：也就是所謂的非洲性慾。

Yes, my people, welcome to the Thunderdome.

是的，我的人民們， 歡迎來到 Thunderdome。

The erotic takes on different shapes and forms

隨著你在全球旅行，會發現性慾

as you travel the globe.

有不同的形狀和形式。

Now let's take a bow to the "Kama Sutra,"

咱們來對「慾經（Kama Sutra）」致敬，

the world's first book on the pleasures of sensual living.

它是世界上第一本關於 肉慾生活之樂趣的書。

More than just a mere depiction of contortionist sexual positions,

不僅僅是對於性愛姿勢體位的描寫，

it provided a comprehensive guide on living a good life.

它提供如何過好生活的綜合指南。

What is particularly interesting for us

它特別讓我們感興趣的地方是，

is that it focused on women and creating pleasure for women.

它把焦點放在女人上， 且為女人創造樂趣。

TKM: Mhm. Shout-out to the "Kama Sutra," but back to the African erotic.

蒂：嗯。完全認同「慾經」， 但我們先回到非洲性慾。

SK: OK, my bad, bringing it back.

史：好，是我的錯，把主題拉回來。

So, Nkiru Nzegwu says that Osun, who is an orisha of the Yoruba people,

所以，奇魯齊古說， 奧孫，優魯巴人的神，

typically associated with water,

通常會連結到水、

purity, fertility, love and, most importantly, sensuality,

純潔、繁殖力、愛， 還有最重要的：好色，

represents a female-centered life-transforming energy

她代表的是一種以女性為中心 且能夠轉換生命的能量，

that courses through and animates life.

流過生命，讓生命更有活力。

She says that women who typify the osun force

她說，代表奧孫（osun） 力量的典型女性，

brandish their sexuality quite openly and unselfconsciously.

會非常開放且自然大方地 炫耀她們的性行為。

And she goes on to say ...

她接著說…

TKM: There you go, you got that line this time.

蒂：你來吧。 這次這句台詞是你的。

"The flow need not result in conception and birth

「流動無須導致懷孕或出生，

but doesn't tell the principle of pleasure at the heart of copulation.

也沒說明交配核心的快樂原則。

This pleasure principle at the heart of the creative energy

這條位在創造能量 中心位置的享樂原則

is metaphorically known as 'osun honey'."

被比喻成『奧孫之蜜』。」

Sorry, I did not want to misquote that.

我不想引述錯誤。

So now, osun honey and osunality

奧孫之蜜以及非洲性慾

re-affirm the normality of sexual pleasure and the erotic.

重新證實了性享樂 和性慾都是很正常的。

Osun, like other female deities of fertility across Africa,

奧孫和非洲各地其他繁殖女神一樣，

made sure and emphasized the importance of female sexuality

確保並強調女性性事的重要性，

without negating male sexuality.

同時也不否定男性性事。

We had the Tonga, the Bemba, the Sande

我們有 Tonga、Bemba、Sande，

and other similar sexuality schools of thought

以及其他類似的性學派，

that taught young women about the power of this inner force.

教導年輕女性關於 這種內在力的力量。

TKM: So within the African continent,

蒂：所以，在非洲大陸上，

there's a great deal of talk about the synergic nature of sex

有很多人在談論性的協同作用本質，

and how it comes together as a social good.

以及它如何能夠成為社會上的良善。

For example, within Rwanda,

比如，在盧安達內，

there is the notion that the rivers are replenished

有一種想法：河流之所以會被充滿，

by the act of a woman squirting.

是因為女性的潮射。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

SK: But modern-day ideas of sex have become some sort of battle

史：但，現代對於性的想法 已經變成了像一場仗，

in which we are all trying to subvert each other.

在這場仗中我們都試著推翻彼此。

TKM: We are pounding the pussy, using sex as a weapon,

蒂：我們做快速強迫的 性行為，用性來當武器，

playing hard to get, conquering --

假裝不感興趣，征服──

a constant power struggle.

一種持續的權力掙扎。

SK: And there is always a loser when it comes to this war.

史：這場戰爭總是有輸家。

TKM: So now the ability to openly brandish and explore your sexuality and your sex

蒂：所以，能夠開放地 炫耀和探索你的性慾和性愛

without it being a threat to others

且不造成他人有被威脅感的能力，

is at the core of engaging with healthy sexual practices.

就是從事健康性愛做法的核心。

SK: Now this is where it begins to get really, really good.

史：從這裡開始就非常非常棒了。

蒂：這意味著什麼？

TKM: So what does it mean

to reconceptualize sex away from this idea of the monster hiding in the night?

把性給重新概念化，不再想成是 躲藏在夜晚的怪獸，意味著什麼？

What is the potential for doing greatness

這能有什麼潛在的好處，

on the kitchen counter, a secluded beach, the backseat of a car

如果在廚房長桌上、 僻靜的海灘上、車後座，

or even simply in between the sheets?

或甚至單純在床上做愛？

Now in learning from the past and sliding into the present,

若要從過去學習，並慢慢進入現代，

a radical theory of sex

性愛的根本理論

must identify, it must describe, explain and denounce

必須要認同、描述、解釋和指責

sexual oppression and erotic injustice.

性的壓迫以及性慾的不公正。

TKM: And sex positivity is one of the realms

蒂：而性積極就是讓新事物

in which the new can be unpacked and explored.

能被解放和探索的其中一個領域。

SK: We're asking you to call upon the osun honey

史：我們想請各位去尋求奧孫之蜜，

to engage with new ideas of sex and pleasure

去結合關於性愛和享樂的新想法，

so that we can start to build a new identity

讓我們能夠建立新的身份，

that feels more like a fitted dress

感覺更像合身的衣服，

and less like a wooden coffin slowly choking the life out of us.

比較不像讓我們窒息的木棺。

Now there are a lot of people charting their own sexual paths.

現在有很多人會描繪 他們自己的性愛旅程。

But, because as HOLAAfrica --

但，身為 HOLAAfrica的一員──

SK: We do sex and sexuality online --

史：我們在線上談性愛和性慾──

TKM: We would be foolhardy not to mention the digital realm.

蒂：如果不提數位領域就太魯莽了。 【性慾的未來】

There are women who are online, creating incredible conversations,

線上有些女性在創造 很了不起的談話，

chatting about the clitoris,

聊的題材包括陰蒂，

chatting about the reverse cowgirl and also cunnilingus.

包括反向女牛仔的 做愛姿勢，以及舔陰。

SK: I like the word "cunnilingus."

史：我喜歡這個詞，「舔陰」。

TKM: I bet you do. But that's not the point.

蒂：我相信。但那不是重點。

Anyway, these women are resurrecting the work of ancestors

總之，這些女性在讓 祖先的成果重新復活，

to have some incredible conversations

開始進行一些很了不起的談話，

that have been previously buried and sealed.

談的都是之前會被 掩埋密封起來的題材。

SK: They are asking the questions that we are so afraid to ask,

史：她們問出了 我們害怕問出的問題，

so that we don't end up in sticky situations.

讓我們不會最後陷入膠著的情況。

TKM: That's true.

蒂：的確如此。

And another space that we've been seeing the charting of a new sexual path

我們還有看到一個空間， 它也在地圖上繪出新的性慾路徑，

is by queer women and their engagement in kink.

是提供給同性戀女性 及其怪癖的空間。

SK: Now, think "Fifty Shades of Grey"

史：想想《格雷的五十道陰影》，

without the creepy rich guy who does not understand consent.

但沒有令人毛骨悚然又 不懂徵求同意的有錢男人。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

TKM: So one fascinating subset of kink is actually rope play.

蒂：性癖中一個很迷人的 類別就是繩結。

SK: Shibari, also known as Kinbaku, is the Japanese art of rope play.

史：日式綁縛是日本 一種玩繩子的藝術。

Originally used as a means of restraining captives,

原本是束縛俘虜用的手段，

it became sexualized and spreading across the globe

它被性慾化，傳遍全球，

as a kinky form of restraint with a respected and erotic aesthetic.

變成了束縛的變態形式， 帶著尊重和性慾的美感。

TKM: And it landed on our shores.

蒂：它也登陸了我們的海岸。

Who would have thought that African queer women would be kinksters?

誰想得到，非洲同性戀女子 會是情趣怪癖者？

Coming from a history of sexual violence, slavery and a lack of bodily autonomy.

來自性暴力、奴隸制， 且缺乏身體自主性的歷史。

Is it not too soon, you ask.

你會問，這樣不會太快嗎？

SK: No, it's not,

史：不，不會，

and these women have taught us that despite the dark history

這些女性教了我們， 儘管有黑暗的歷史

that covers the body of women from our beautiful continent,

在我們美麗的大陸上 覆蓋了女性的身體，

these women are actively and beautifully constructing

這些女性在積極地、美麗地建立起

what sex and pleasure means to them.

性愛以及享樂對她們的意義。

TKM: This is not to say that everyone now needs to rush out and engage in kink.

蒂：這並不是說每個人現在 就得要趕快去進行怪癖。

But if these queer women can come out of a history

但，若這些同性戀女性 走出了這樣的歷史，

of, again, sexual violence, slavery, colonization

性暴力、奴隸制、殖民，

and all manner of traditional, religious and cultural pitfalls,

以及各種傳統、宗教， 及文化陷阱的歷史，

to reconceptualize what sex and pleasure means to them,

將性愛以及享樂 對她們的意義重新概念化，

then you can do it, too.

那麼你們也可以辦到。

SK: You can do it too, boo-boo.

史：你們也可以辦到，親愛的各位。

Yes, you can.

是的，你們可以。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

TKM: It is in taking the ideas that we have about sex -- the bad ones,

蒂：重點是要抓出我們對 性愛的想法──不好的想法，

and head-butting them,

狠狠頭擊它們，

holding on to the good ones and creating new ones

抓緊好的想法，創造新的想法，

that we can have an incredible engagement

讓我們能夠以很棒的方式來參與

with one of the most prolific and natural human acts ever.

最豐富且最自然的人類行為之一。

SK: It's about figuring out what counts as a system bug.

史：重點是要找出 什麼算是系統錯誤。

TKM: What to term a classic.

史：什麼能稱為是經典。

SK: And what new features we should add.

史：以及我們加上了什麼新特色。

Human beings are infamous for their superpower to upgrade.

人類因為升級的超能力而聲名狼藉。

This should count for our sex, too.

性愛方面也該算上一份上才對。

TKM: Thank you.

蒂：謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）