How to have a healthier, positive relationship with sex | Tiffany Kagure Mugo and Siphumeze Khundayi

翻译人员: Christina Wang 校对人员: Yolanda Zhang

[This talk contains mature content Viewer discretion is advised]

[视频含有成人内容，请酌情观看]

Tiffany Kagure Mugo: OK.

好的，

So we've signed up, there's no turning back now.

在座的各位来到这里就不能回去了。

（笑）

(Laughter)

Siphumeze Khundayi: Hi, guys. TKM: Hello, everyone.

SK和TKM：大家好。

TKM: So, you think you know about sex.

TKM：你可能觉得你了解性。

Chances are you don't,

但事实很可能并非如此，

and we are here to tell you that you don't.

而我们正是来告诉你， 你不了解性。

SK: We are here to tell you that no matter where you come from,

SK：我们想告诉你， 不管你来自哪里，

Abuja to Alabama, Dubai to downtown London,

尼日利亚，阿拉巴马， 迪拜或是伦敦，

sex has and continues to change.

性的概念一直在变化。

And we need to understand this

而我们需要理解这一点，

if we're going to keep things safe and spicy.

才能让它既安全又有情趣。

TKM: So now, the act of rubbing our naked bodies together

TKM：这摩擦两个裸露身体的动作，

has undergone a number of changes.

已经历过很多变化，

And those changes have been affected by eons of ideas.

而这些变化来自于各种各样的观念。

Even you, as an adult, have some internalized ideas about sex

就连你，作为一个成人， 内心也有对性的一些根深蒂固的想法，

that you never challenge.

而且你从不会质疑它们。

Some good, some bad and some very, very strange.

有些好，有些坏， 有些则是非常非常奇怪。

(Laughter)

（笑）

SK: So when you allow someone to see you butt naked,

SK：当你容许他人看到你的裸体，

do you ever think about how the ideas that you internally have

你有想过你心中根深蒂固的想法，

will affect whether you will like them tickling your elbow or kissing your thigh

会怎样影响你对爱抚、亲吻

or shouting out the name of a chose deity?

或听到对方呻吟的名字的感受吗？

One must do internal monitoring and evaluation

我们必须监测我们的内心

if we are going to live our best sexy lives.

来得到更好的性生活。

TKM: And we're going to tell you how to have a great sex life, right?

TKM：而我们会告诉你 如何拥有好的性生活。

But the first thing you need to do

不过你要做的第一件事，

is let go of the bad ideas you have about sex.

是放下那些关于性的负面观念。

SK: Think about the things that we need to change.

SK：想一想我们需要改变的东西，

TKM: And the things we need to embrace in all of their shiny newness.

TKM：和我们需要坦然接受的新事物。

So, we're going to take you on a journey of sex:

那现在就开始我们的性的旅程吧：

the bad parts of sex, historically great sexual practices

性的负面，历史上好的性行为，

and the future of sex.

和性的未来。

SK: Now, judging by the cool seven billion people on this planet,

SK：我们知道，地球上有七十亿人，

human beings have been doing the sex thing for a long time.

这么一算，人类的性活动 已经有很长的时间，

And in vast quantities.

行为数量也十分庞大。

But this does not mean we are actually good at it.

但这不代表我们真的擅长这件事儿。

From the top of my head -- rape culture.

我现在马上就想到了——强奸案。

TKM: How tradition and culture limit ideas of pleasure.

TKM：传统和文化对快感的限制。

SK: Or even the idea that the nipple

SK：或者只是简单的：

deserves the same treatment that a DJ gives his deck

乳头应该和 DJ试图调大声音的动作一样

when he's trying to turn up the volume.

这样的想法。

TKM: Like, that is a personal pet peeve of mine.

TKM：从个人角度来说， 这真的会惹恼我。

SK: We are so scared of sex.

SK：我们是如此的畏惧性。

TKM: And we need somebody to blame for our fear.

TKM：而我们会把这怪罪于他人。

Enter women, and our fear of every part of their anatomy,

这就是女人登场的时候， 和我们对女人身体各部的畏惧，

unless we are the ones using their sexiness.

除非我们正在利用她们的性感。

SK：想一想。

SK: Think about it.

You can quite easily go to someone and say, "My elbow hurts."

你可以很容易和其他人说 “我胳膊肘疼”,

But try going to someone and saying,

但是你敢试试和他人说

"Excuse me, my vagina has a strange buzzing feeling,

“打扰了，我的阴道 有种奇怪的酥麻的感觉，

do you know where I can find the buzzing-vagina ointment?"

你知道哪里能找到 可以缓解的药膏吗？“

And see how well that goes down.

你可以想象后果会如何。

(Laughter)

（笑）

TKM: Does not go down well.

TKM：我都不敢想了。

I once challenged friends to simply go into supermarkets

我曾经挑战我的朋友们去超市里

and say to strangers, "Thighs."

和陌生人说，“大腿”。

No one did it,

没有人敢去做，

despite the fact that they could have been talking about chicken or turkey.

虽然“大腿”也可以指 鸡腿肉或者火鸡腿。

(Laughter)

（笑）

SK：一些文化和历史上的概念

SK: So a number of cultural and historical notions

have burrowed so deeply within us,

已经埋藏在了我们内心深处，

we don't even notice that it's strange to freak out when somebody says "nipple"

我们甚至意识不到相比听见“左膝”， 当有人说“乳头”的时候我们的惊讶

as opposed to "left knee."

是一个多么奇怪的反应。

We refuse to engage with sex properly.

我们回避对性应有的讨论，

And the first step is admitting that it exists

所以我们该做的第一步 是承认性的存在，

outside of trying to sell us products like bottled water or coffee.

不只是在各类广告中，

The unrealistic depictions in movies

电影里不切实际的镜头中，

or that one thing that you saw on the internet "by mistake."

或你“不小心”在网上看到的东西。

TKM: Mhm.

是吧？

So, now in order to cure this ailment, again,

TLM：那么为了解开这个病症， 就像之前说的，

让我们先承认 我们对性有很多错乱的认知。

let us just first admit that we have some messed-up ideas of sex.

SK: And breathe in --

SK：深吸气——

(Inhales)

（吸气）

And let it all go.

然后让它们离去。

Now, it all seems pretty morbid --

你可能觉得这些都很病态——

that culture and society have failed us in our quest for coitus.

文化和社会让我们 在性交上一败涂地。

But this is not the case.

但事情并不总是这样。

There are things that the past can teach us

历史和过去有很多经验

to help us upgrade the present.

可以帮助我们改变现状。

TKM：那现在如果我有一杯红酒—— 我确实挺想来一杯的——

TKM: So now, if I had a glass of Merlot -- which I really wish I did --

I would pour the ancestors a drink,

我会倒一杯给我们的祖先，

because there are ways in which African societies

因为非洲社会在

huddled this sex thing before the C that shall not be named --

Z开头的词出现之前已经有了——

SK: (Whispering) Colonization.

SK：（小声说）殖民

TKM: Came through.

TKM：——对性的复杂理解。

Within African societies, we had spaces, both social and spiritual,

在非洲社会中我们曾有 现实和思想上的空间

that helped institutionalize healthy sexual practices.

来帮助我们制度化健康的性行为。

We had sexuality schools that taught social and erotic cues.

我们曾有关于性的学校， 教授社交和性情的暗示。

We had spaces where teenagers could engage, understand

我们曾有空间给青少年来体会，

and like, properly know how to handle sexual urges,

学习如何正确的处理性冲动和欲望，

and places where adults could handle the stresses and strifes of adulting.

还有给成人处理 他们的压力和困扰的空间。

SK: Ways that didn't include you hiding your credit card bill

SK：而不只是试图埋藏 你的信用卡账单，

or deleting that toll-free number from your phone.

或是删掉某个客服号码。

These spaces of old were so important for women.

这些空间对于女人非常重要。

TKM: There were African sexual practices that centered women

TKM：非洲的性行为是围绕着女人，

and in particular, their pleasure.

或者更具体来说，女人的快感。

SK: And we're going to talk about one in particular

SK：而我们会讨论其中具体的一个，

that's named "osunality."

它叫做“osunality”，

TKM: Also known as the African erotic.

TLM：也被称作 非洲性欲。

Yes, my people, welcome to the Thunderdome.

没错，在座的各位， 欢迎来到全新的世界。

The erotic takes on different shapes and forms

当你环游全世界，你会发现

as you travel the globe.

情欲有着不同的形式。

Now let's take a bow to the "Kama Sutra,"

SK：现在让我们致敬“Kama Sutra"，

the world's first book on the pleasures of sensual living.

历史上第一本关于性爱快感的书。

More than just a mere depiction of contortionist sexual positions,

这本书不只是描述了各种性爱姿势，

it provided a comprehensive guide on living a good life.

也包括了如何更好生活的指南。

What is particularly interesting for us

对于我们来说最有意思的

is that it focused on women and creating pleasure for women.

是这本书对于女人 和为女人制造欢悦的重视。

TKM: Mhm. Shout-out to the "Kama Sutra," but back to the African erotic.

TKM：Kama Sutra说的很对， 不过让我们回到非洲性欲。

SK: OK, my bad, bringing it back.

SK：不好意思跑题了， 让我们回到主题。

So, Nkiru Nzegwu says that Osun, who is an orisha of the Yoruba people,

教授Nzegwu曾解释 Osun是非洲约鲁巴族的神：

typically associated with water,

她经常和水被联系在一起，

purity, fertility, love and, most importantly, sensuality,

代表着纯洁，繁殖力，爱， 以及最重要的，情欲，

represents a female-centered life-transforming energy

她代表了以女性为中心的、 改变生命的能量，

that courses through and animates life.

流过生命，让生命更有活力。

She says that women who typify the osun force

代表了Osun力量的女人，

brandish their sexuality quite openly and unselfconsciously.

会很自然大方的展示 自己的性感和情欲。

And she goes on to say ...

教授还说过——

TKM: There you go, you got that line this time.

TKM：讲得不错。

"The flow need not result in conception and birth

“流动不需要导致怀孕和生育，

也不会显露出交配中心的享乐原则。

but doesn't tell the principle of pleasure at the heart of copulation.

This pleasure principle at the heart of the creative energy

这个位于创造力中心的享乐原则

is metaphorically known as 'osun honey'."

被比喻成“Osun之蜜”。

Sorry, I did not want to misquote that.

我不想错误的引用，就照着读了。

So now, osun honey and osunality

Osun之蜜和非洲性欲

re-affirm the normality of sexual pleasure and the erotic.

重新证实了性快感和色情是正常的。

Osun, like other female deities of fertility across Africa,

SK：Osun, 就像其他非洲的 孕育女神一样，

made sure and emphasized the importance of female sexuality

强调着女性感官的重要，

without negating male sexuality.

同时也不否定男性的情欲。

We had the Tonga, the Bemba, the Sande

我们有Tonga、Bemba、Sande

and other similar sexuality schools of thought

以及其他类似的性学派，

that taught young women about the power of this inner force.

教导着年轻女性她们内在的力量。

TKM: So within the African continent,

TKM：在非洲大陆上，

there's a great deal of talk about the synergic nature of sex

有很多人谈论性的协同力，

and how it comes together as a social good.

和性对社会的积极作用。

For example, within Rwanda,

举个例子，在非洲的卢旺达，

there is the notion that the rivers are replenished

有一种说法是河流之所以会丰沛

by the act of a woman squirting.

是因为女人的潮射。

(Laughter)

（笑）

SK: But modern-day ideas of sex have become some sort of battle

SK：但现代人们对于性的想法 已变成了一种战役，

in which we are all trying to subvert each other.

在其中我们都试图推翻他人。

TKM: We are pounding the pussy, using sex as a weapon,

TKM：我们暴力的性行为， 用性作为武器，

假装不感兴趣，试图征服对方，

playing hard to get, conquering --

a constant power struggle.

像是永久的权力争夺。

SK: And there is always a loser when it comes to this war.

SK：而在这样的战斗中 总会有一个输家。

TKM: So now the ability to openly brandish and explore your sexuality and your sex

TKM：所以现在，能够放开的 展示和探索你的性欲

without it being a threat to others

而不使他人感到威胁

is at the core of engaging with healthy sexual practices.

是健康的性行为中最重要的一点。

SK: Now this is where it begins to get really, really good.

SK：从这里开始就变得越来越好了。

TKM: So what does it mean

TKM：抛开这些阴暗怪异的概念，

to reconceptualize sex away from this idea of the monster hiding in the night?

重新构建对性的认知， 这意味着什么？

What is the potential for doing greatness

在哪些层面上可以让性爱变得更好，

on the kitchen counter, a secluded beach, the backseat of a car

无论是在厨房的台子上、 僻静的沙滩上、车的后座上、

or even simply in between the sheets?

或者只是单纯的在床上？

Now in learning from the past and sliding into the present,

SK：在学习过去和 活在现代的过程中，

a radical theory of sex

一个崭新的性理论

must identify, it must describe, explain and denounce

必须描述，解释，并声讨

sexual oppression and erotic injustice.

性压抑和性欲方面的不公正。

TKM: And sex positivity is one of the realms

TKM：而性积极是其中一个领域，

in which the new can be unpacked and explored.

可以让我们解放和探索新的想法。

SK: We're asking you to call upon the osun honey

SK：我们想请各位 利用Osun之蜜的想法，

to engage with new ideas of sex and pleasure

迎接对于性和快感的新的观念，

so that we can start to build a new identity

从而建立一个新的更贴切的身份，

that feels more like a fitted dress

一个像是合身的裙子一样的身份，

and less like a wooden coffin slowly choking the life out of us.

而不是像一个令人窒息的木制棺材。

Now there are a lot of people charting their own sexual paths.

TKM：现在世界上有很多人 在探索自己的性爱旅程。

But, because as HOLAAfrica --

作为HOLAAfrica的成员——

SK: We do sex and sexuality online --

SK：我们建立了关于性的网络平台——

TKM: We would be foolhardy not to mention the digital realm.

TKM：我们自然要提到网络和电子社会。

There are women who are online, creating incredible conversations,

很多女性在网络上 已经进行了不起的谈话，

chatting about the clitoris,

谈论着阴蒂，

chatting about the reverse cowgirl and also cunnilingus.

谈论着反向女牛仔和舔阴。

SK: I like the word "cunnilingus."

SK：我喜欢“舔阴”这个词。

TKM: I bet you do. But that's not the point.

TKM：我想也是，不过这不是重点。

Anyway, these women are resurrecting the work of ancestors

回到正题，这些女性 正在重建她们祖先的方式，

to have some incredible conversations

开始一些很了不起的，

that have been previously buried and sealed.

之前被掩埋了的话题。

SK: They are asking the questions that we are so afraid to ask,

SK：她们正在问那些 我们从来没有勇气问的问题，

so that we don't end up in sticky situations.

让我们能够避开棘手的情况。

TKM: That's true.

TKM：这是真的。

And another space that we've been seeing the charting of a new sexual path

而另一个我们看到积极探索性的场合

is by queer women and their engagement in kink.

是同性恋女人和她们的怪癖。

SK: Now, think "Fifty Shades of Grey"

SK：想象一下《五十度灰》,

without the creepy rich guy who does not understand consent.

除去那个毛骨悚然、 不懂得性需要双方同意的富老板。

(Laughter)

（笑）

TKM: So one fascinating subset of kink is actually rope play.

TKM：有一种怪癖很有趣，角色扮演。

SK: Shibari, also known as Kinbaku, is the Japanese art of rope play.

SK：举个例子， 日式绑捆是日本的一种角色扮演。

Originally used as a means of restraining captives,

原先用于军队中压制俘虏，

it became sexualized and spreading across the globe

现在已变成了一种全球性的性行为，

as a kinky form of restraint with a respected and erotic aesthetic.

作为一种特殊的束缚， 带着尊重和性欲的美感。

TKM: And it landed on our shores.

TKM：然后它被传入了我们的大陆。

Who would have thought that African queer women would be kinksters?

谁会想到非洲同性恋女人 会是情趣怪癖者？

Coming from a history of sexual violence, slavery and a lack of bodily autonomy.

经历了性暴力、奴役、殖民的历史，

Is it not too soon, you ask.

你可能会问，这样不会太快吗？

SK: No, it's not,

SK：不，不会。

and these women have taught us that despite the dark history

这些女性教会了我们 尽管黑暗的历史掩盖了

that covers the body of women from our beautiful continent,

我们美丽的大陆上女性的躯体，

these women are actively and beautifully constructing

这些女性正在积极地、 以非凡的美感建立

what sex and pleasure means to them.

性爱和快感对于她们的意义。

TKM: This is not to say that everyone now needs to rush out and engage in kink.

TKM：这不是说所有人必须 马上形成怪癖。

But if these queer women can come out of a history

不过，如果这些同性恋女人 可以战胜历史，

of, again, sexual violence, slavery, colonization

战胜性暴力、奴役、殖民

and all manner of traditional, religious and cultural pitfalls,

以及所有其他传统、神教、 和文化的问题，

to reconceptualize what sex and pleasure means to them,

改写性和快感对于她们的意义，

then you can do it, too.

你也可以。

SK: You can do it too, boo-boo.

SK：是的，你也可以。

Yes, you can.

没错，你可以。

(Laughter)

（笑）

TKM: It is in taking the ideas that we have about sex -- the bad ones,

TKM：我们要做的是 找出我们对性的负面想法，

and head-butting them,

狠狠地扔到一边，

holding on to the good ones and creating new ones

然后抓住那些好的，创建新的意义，

that we can have an incredible engagement

这样我们才能更好的享受性，

with one of the most prolific and natural human acts ever.

一个最丰富、自然的人类活动。

SK: It's about figuring out what counts as a system bug.

SK：关键的是要找到什么是错误的，

TKM: What to term a classic.

什么是经典的，

SK: And what new features we should add.

而什么新特色我们应该加上。

Human beings are infamous for their superpower to upgrade.

人类一直都以改进创新而闻名，

This should count for our sex, too.

性也应该是其中的一部分。

TKM: Thank you.

TKM：谢谢!

(Applause)

（掌声）