How to STOP being shy - 6 steps to be CONFIDENT

(cheerful electronic music)

- Hello everyone, and welcome back to English with Lucy.

Chào mừng mọi người trở lại với kênh English with Lucy.

Today I am going to talk to you

Hôm này mình sẽ chia sẻ với các bạn

about how you can stop being shy,

cách để giúp bạn ngừng cảm thấy rụt rè

and start speaking English confidently.

và bắt đầu nói tiếng Anh một cách tự tin nhe

My little brother and I were reading comments

Trong lúc tôi và em trai tôi đang đọc những bình luận

on one of my videos the other day,

của một trong những video của tôi

and he pointed out one which really made me feel sad.

và em tôi đã chỉ ra một vấn đề khiến mình cảm thấy rất buồn

Someone said, "I can't speak English,

có người nói rằng: " tôi không thể nói tiếng Anh

"because I am a shy person."

bời vì tôi là người nhút nhát

And I don't know if it was the wording of it,

và mình cũng không biết phải diễn tả như thế nào

but it really broke our hearts.

nhưng nó thật sự làm tụi mình thấy buồn lắm :(((

The fact that somebody doesn't think

trong thực tế nhiều người không nghĩ

they can learn a language because they are a shy person

họ có thể học một ngôn ngữ bởi vì học là một kẻ nhút nhát

made me feel really, really sad,

làm mình cảm thấy rất, rất là buồn

so I decided to make this video to help motivate you all,

nên mình quyết định làm video này để động viên các bạn

especially you shy people.

Đặc biệt là cho những bạn đang cảm thấy thiếu tự tin

I receive a lot of messages about confidence,

mình nhận được rất nhiều tin nhắn về tự tin

people saying oh, I wish I was confident like you,

nhiều người hỏi mình, ước gì tui tự tin được như bạn

but naturally, in certain situations,

nhứng tất nhiên, trong những tình huống nhất định

I can feel so, so shy, and so, so nervous.

Mình cũng có cảm giác rụt rè và rất rất hồi hộp nữa

If you check out the last part of most of my videos,

nếu bạn xem đoạn cuối của những video của mình

you can see all the times

thì lúc nào cũng thấy

that I mix up my words, and make mistakes.

mình nói lẫn lộn các từ ngữ và mắc rất nhiều lỗi

It's completely natural.

Nó hoàn toàn là tự nhiên cả

When I have to speak publicly, I often feel so, so shy.

khi mình phải phát biểu với đám đông, mình luôn cảm thấy rất rất ngại

But there are plenty of things that I do,

nhưng mình đã làm rất nhiều thứ

and I have learned to do over the past few years,

và học đã đươc rất nhiều trong những năm qua

since I started this channel,

từ lúc bắt đầu thành lập trang youtube này

that have made me a confident person.

mình đã dần trở thành một con người tự tin

And I want to share that with you,

và mình muốn chia sẽ với các bạn

so let's get started with the lesson.

chúng ta bắt đầu bài học thôi nàoooo

The first one, this is a well-known tip,

Đầu tiên, đây mẹo mà ai cũng biết

but I really believe in it, fake it 'til you make it.

nhưng mà mình vẫn luôn tin nó nó hiệu nghiệm, đó là giả bộ cho đến khi bạn làm được nó (giả bộ tự tin cho tới khi bạn tự tin)

And most importantly, don't tell people that you feel shy.

quan trong nhất là không cho người khác biết bạn đang rất thiếu tự tin

Almost a year ago, I was invited to speak about my business

gần một năm trước, khi được mời để giới thiệu về công việc của mình

at my old university.

ở trường đại học cũ của mình

I had to give a 45-minute talk,

mình phải đứng nói 45 phút

all about me and my business,

chỉ để nói tất cả về bản thân và công việc

to a room of so many students.

trong một cái phòng có rất nhiều học sinh

And my parents were watching, and my boyfriend,

và người nhà tôi thì cũng đến tham dự, và bạn trai của mình nữa

who is now my fiance.

anh ấy bây giờ là vị hôn phu của mình

I was so nervous, but I think I handled it

mình cực kì hồi hộp, nhưng mình nghĩ trong đầu là mình có thể lo được vụ này

really, really well.

một cách xuất sắc

I didn't tell anyone that I was feeling shy.

mình không hề nói cho ai biết, là mình đang cảm thấy rụt rè cả

It's okay to be nervous, but don't say you're shy.

hồi hộp cũng được, nhưng đừng nói bạn rụt rè

Saying you're nervous is okay, but saying you feel shy,

nói hồi hồi hộp thì được chứ nói bạn thieesu tựu tin thì

I think is quite a negative thing to say,

theo tôi đó là điiều khác tiêu cực

and it might influence the way people think about you.

và nó sẽ ảnh hưởng cách mọi người nghĩ về bạn

I pretended that I was really, really confident,

tôi giả vờ nghĩ tôi là một người vô cùng tự tin

and that I do this kind of thing all the time.

và mình đã làm như vậy suốt

When in reality, it was my first time speaking

trong thực tế thì, vào lần đầu mình phát biểu

about myself in front of such a large audience.

về bản thân trước rất nhiều khán giả

I was scared of boring everyone,

mình sợ sẽ làm mọi người chán

I was scared that the person organising the event

mình sợ là người ta sẽ mở một các sự kiện khác

was going to regret asking me to speak,

để hối hận về việc mời mình phát biểu

I was scared of embarrassing myself

mình sợ mình lại trở nên xấu hổ

in front of my boyfriend,

trước mặt bạn trai

I was scared of disappointing my parents.

mình sợ sẽ làm người thân thất vọng

But I walked in there, head held high,

nhưng khi mình bước lên sân khấu, ngẩn cao đầu

I slightly lowered my voice,

mình hơi hạ giọng một tí

and I'm pretty convinced that no one knew

và mình cũng tin chắc là chẳng một ai có thể phát hieejnn

I was really, really nervous.

mình đang rất lo lắng đâu

It was also being filmed and put on YouTube.

mình có quay lại buổi chia sẻ và đăng lên youtube

I will leave the link in the description box.

mình sẽ để link ở khung mô tả cho các bạn nhaaa

So that was an extra layer of nervousness for me.

việc ghi hình giống như lại thêm áp lực cho mình vấy đó

So what did I do?

rồi mình đã làm gì ?

I pretended I was super confident.

mình đẫ giả bộ rằng mình siêu siêu tự tin

I tried to relax how I was standing,

mình thử thư giãn tư thế đứng

I tried to relax my voice,

thư giản gọng nói

I went outside beforehand just to do

mình đi ra bên ngoài chỉ để

some breathing, and to relax myself,

hít thở một tí và thư giãn

and it ended up going really, really well.

và cuối cùng thì mình đã làm rất rất tốt

So how can this apply to you?

vậy làm cách nào để nó cũng hiệu quả với bạn ?

Not only are you nervous about speaking to someone,

bạn không chỉ lo lắng khi nói nói chuyện với ai đó

but it's also not your native language.

mà còn với những người nước ngoài

You need to pretend that you're confident.

bạn phải tự nhử bản, bạn luôn tự tin

You can try lowering your voice slightly.

bạn có thể thử hạ giọng xuống một tí

So instead of speaking up here, really nervously,

thanh vì nói với giọng cao, nghe rất là hồi hộp

you will speak in a low voice,

bạn nói với giọng nhỏ nhẹ thôi

and have it echo across the room. (laughs)

và nó sẽ vang khắp khắp phòng đó kkkk

Work on your posture, feet apart, nice and tall,

giờ mình sang tư thế làm việc nhé, chân giang rộng, dáng thẳng và cao

shoulders relaxed, really show the other speaker

để vai thả lỏng,, tỏ cho người khác

that you're comfortable being there.

rằng bạn đang cảm thấy vô cũng thoải mái khi đứng ở đây

And as I said before, don't tell anyone you're shy,

nhưng mình đã nói hồi nảy, đừng nói ai biết bạn đang ngại đó nhe

because sooner rather than later,

bời vì sớm muộn gì

you will start to feel more confident,

bạn cũng sẽ bắt đầu cảm thấy tự tin

you probably won't even realise it,

và bạn sẽ không nhận ra đâu

and then you might regret having told someone

và bạn sẽ cảm thấy tiếc khi đã nói với người khác

that you're a shy person.

rằng bạn là kẻ nhút nhát

It doesn't have to be that way.

không phải như vậy đâu

You don't have to be shy.

bạn không cần phải ngại ngùng làm gì

The next tip I have for you is listen,

mẹo thứ hai là bạn phải lắng nghe

and learn from other confident speakers.

và học hỏi từ những người có tự tin

When I try out a new hobby,

khi tôi thử một thử thách mới

I often want to see how an expert does it.

tôi muốn chứng kiến cách mà người chuyên nghệp làm nó

If you really want to learn how to be more confident,

nếu bạn muốn học cách để tự tin hơn

and how to speak more confidently,

và cách để nói tự nhiên hơn

you need to listen to experienced and confident speakers.

bạn cần lắng nghe những người có kinh nghiệm và sự tự tin

Make it part of your daily routine.

biến nó trở thành một phần trong thói quen hằng ngày của bạn

Once you've found somebody

khi bạn tìm thấy một người nào đó

and pinpointed who you want to sound like,

và xác định người mà bạn muốn trở thành

try and imitate them a little bit.

cố gắng và bắt chước hoj từng chút một

Make it your own, but take elements of their confidence

biến nó là cuaar bạn, nhưng hayc lấy những yếu tố tạo nên sự tự tin cho họ

and elements of their speech.

For example, I really, really like

ví dụ, mình cực kì thích

and admire the way Stephen Fry speaks.

và ngưỡng mộ cách nói chuyện của Stephen Fry

So, I make a point to listen to him speaking frequently.

vậy, mình sẽnghe anh ấy nói chuyện thường xuyên

A great way that you can implement listening

Cách tốt nhất để bạn hoàn thiện lắng nghe

to a confident speaker for a little bit of time

một tự tin trong giao tiếp từng chút từng chút một

every single day, is by listening to audiobooks.

mỗi ngày là nghe sách nói

I recommend Audible.

mình giới thiệu Audible với các bạn

You can click the link in the description box

to get a free audiobook, that's a 30-day free trial.

I really, really recommend listening to Stephen Fry

narrating the Harry Potter series,

or you could try listening to books on public speaking,

or books on eliminating and combating shyness.

I've got some recommendations

in the description box as well.

Tip number three,

this is something that I've spoken about before,

but I 100% recommend it.

It is, rehearse and prepare

your best stories and monologues,

and things that you know you will have to say

time and time again.

Make a habit of talking to yourself

and practising your best stories,

and the answers to the most frequent questions.

Where are you from, what are your hobbies,

what's your job, what would you like to do in the future?

Tell me about yourself, that's such a big one.

And it makes me feel nervous when someone

asks me that in my own language,

so I can only imagine how hard it is for you,

especially if you're shy.

Practise it, maybe even write it down at first,

and then practise it until you know it off by heart.

You don't want to know it word for word,

you just want to know

that when somebody asks you that question,

you know what to say, and you can say it with confidence.

I also said, practise your favourite stories.

These are great ways to fill gaps in conversation.

I've got a few funny ones that I've told in videos,

like my waitressing mistakes,

or the lovely story about my dad's fairy book.

Links to those are also in the description box.

Those are stories that I like to tell at dinner parties,

and people like being around good storytellers,

so it's really, really important

to learn how to tell a good story.

And treat each time you tell a story as practise.

Gauge their response.

Did they react well to what you said?

Did they find it boring?

Make the necessarily tweaks.

Then, after 20 times of telling this story,

hopefully to different people each time,

try not to repeat yourself, (laughs)

you will tell it beautifully.

Right, my next tip is practise asking questions.

Learning how to say questions correctly is so important,

but also quite difficult in English.

But it's so important for shy people,

because it means that if you need a break from speaking,

you can pass the baton to the other person.

Examples, so how did you get into your career path?

Or, if you could do one thing differently,

what would you do?

That opens up an opportunity for the other person

to tell their story, and to talk a bit,

so you can have time for a rest.

Most people enjoy talking about themselves,

and they also appreciate good listeners.

And you can be both of those by asking questions.

The only thing you have to do is learn

and remember how to ask them correctly.

I always have a couple of questions up my sleeve,

so that if I'm feeling nervous or shy,

I can quickly ask someone something,

and we can continue the conversation that way.

And, there's no pressure on me.

Number five is don't take yourself too seriously.

The best way to bond with people is to laugh,

and especially to laugh at yourself.

If I feel shy about something,

sometimes I make a joke about it.

I remember when I was learning Spanish,

I was so embarrassed about making mistakes,

but actually, those mistakes ended up

being my funniest stories in Spanish.

If you speak Spanish, and you want to hear about my funny,

or at least I think they're funny, (laughs)

Spanish mistake stories,

and such (speaking in foreign language).

And I'll leave the link in the description box.

I laugh at myself, basically,

for a full 10 minutes. (laughs)

Embrace making mistakes.

They are such a powerful tool.

Not only do you learn from them,

but you can also create comedy from them.

But if you're quite obviously uptight

and really embarrassed about your mistakes,

it puts the other person, or your audience,

in a really awkward situation.

You don't want people cringing for you,

you want people to feel comfortable

that they can laugh along with you.

Keep a note of all these funny mistakes that you've made,

and then maybe one day,

you can meet somebody else that's shy,

when you're already fluent in English,

and you can make them feel better and tell them

about your ridiculous experiences.

Number six, meet and talk to as many

different people as possible.

In your life, you are going to meet so many people

that you will never, ever meet again.

So if you do embarrass yourself in front of them,

if the worst does happen, it doesn't matter.

You might think about it again,

they might think about it again,

but if you don't ever see them again, it doesn't matter!

Take the opportunity to speak with strangers,

to go out and meet people,

to talk to as many different people as possible.

Confidence for shy people comes with practise.

An example, I never really made

my own friends before, as an adult.

I always just had friends from childhood,

or friends that I shared with my partner,

and when I moved to this village, I was new,

my fiance was new, we didn't know anyone,

but I really wanted to make friends.

But I felt really shy.

But we started going out sometimes together,

sometimes apart, and making real efforts to talk to people.

If we recognised someone, we would say hello.

I would sometimes pop to the coffee shop

on my own and talk to the people there.

Or go to the pub and see the same people

over and over again, and get to know them very, very slowly.

At first, it felt really awkward, and I felt really shy.

But now we just really enjoy being able

to go anywhere in our village and know people.

Had we allowed ourselves to be naturally shy,

as we are, that wouldn't have happened.

It was by practising speaking

to as many different people as possible,

that we felt confident.

Right, that's it for today's lesson.

I hope you enjoyed it,

and I really hope you learned something,

and I really hope that you're going

to make more effort to feel less shy,

or at least seem less shy, until you become less shy.

Don't forget to check out Audible,

you can get your free audiobook and 30-day free trial,

in the description box.

I've also got all of the other links I've mentioned,

and please do comment down below

with any other tips and recommendations

that have helped you become less shy.

And don't forget to connect with me

on all of my social media.

I've got my Facebook, I've got my Instagram,

and I've got my Twitter.

And I shall see you soon for another lesson.

Mwah! (lips smack) (electronic beep)

(lighthearted music) Today I'm going to talk to you

about how, ow. (laughs) (electronic beep)

Today, I'm going to talk to you ab-a-ah,

oh, it just happened again!

Oh my god. (electronic beep)

Once you've found somebody that you want

to speak to. (sighs) (electronic beep)

It is, what is it? (laughs) (electronic beep)

Right my next tip is,

rah, rah, rawr! (laughs) (electronic beep)

It's really, really important for fry. (laughs)

Fry people. (cheerful electronic music)