The Relationship Between Sex and Imagination | Gina Gutierrez | TED

翻译人员: Yan Li Xiao 校对人员: Yanyan Hong

"Oh, I'm not in the mood".

“哦，我没心情”。

Who here has ever told a partner that before?

谁曾告诉过一个伴侣这个？

(Laughter and murmuring)

（笑声和喃喃自语）

We've all done this.

我们都做过这件事。

And if you haven't said it, then you've probably heard it.

如果你没说过， 那么你可能听过。

Intuitively, we understand

直觉上，我们明白说到性的时候，

that our minds matter when it comes to sex,

我们的思想很重要，

but we’re quick to focus on bodies, touch and sensation

但我们很快就能集中注意力 在身体、触觉和感觉

as the most crucial elements.

为最关键的元素。

We're less likely to consider the role of our imaginations.

我们不太可能在意想象力的作用。

In many parts of our life, we are really great at imagining.

在我们生活的许多方面， 我们真的很擅长想象。

Things like vacations or dream homes or career moves.

假期或梦想家园 或职业变动之类的事情。

These exercises in imagination help us define what it is we want.

这些想象练习 帮助我们确定我们想要的是什么。

They allow us to flirt with what's possible

它们允许我们在做出任何决定之前

before having to make any decisions.

想象可行的未来。

And they're also innately pleasurable,

想象本身就令人愉悦，

even if those fantasies never actually materialize.

即使那些幻想从未真正实现。

Imagination is such a powerful tool.

想象力是一个如此强大的工具，

So when it comes to sex, why isn't it one of the first ones that we reach for?

所以当谈到性时，为什么 它不是我们最先接触的对象之一？

When I first started doing research on arousal and desire,

当我刚开始做关于性欲的研究时，

I learned that for women, cognition is as important to arousal

我了解到对于女性来说， 认知对唤醒性欲的重要性

as the presence of sexual stimuli.

不亚于性刺激的存在。

In other words, using their memories, fantasies and some focus,

换句话说，利用她们的记忆、 幻想和一些专注，

women can turn themselves on with their thoughts.

女人可以通过想象自我唤起性欲。

This particular study focused on women,

这项特别的研究关注于女性，

and much of my own work is also focused on people who are female identifying.

我自己的大部分工作也都集中在 女性身份的人，

But this much is clear regardless of gender identity:

但我很清楚这与性别无关：

the brain is the biggest sex organ,

大脑是最大的性器官，

and everyone can benefit from expanding their sexual imagination.

人人都可以从扩展他们的性想象中受益。

I first started thinking

在我上大学的时候，

about this connection between sex and imagination

我开始考虑性

while I was in college.

和想象之间联系。

Back then, among my friends,

那时，在我的朋友中，

the definition of sex was extremely narrow.

性的定义非常狭窄。

It essentially meant penetrative sex between a guy and a girl.

它本质上意味着一个男生 和女生之间的插入性行为，

And masturbation wasn't a topic of conversation.

而自淫不在话题范围内。

Frankly, I think that solo sex was seen as a last resort,

坦率地说，我认为自慰 是被视为最后应急、

a desperate or lonely act

绝望或孤独的行为，

instead of a fundamentally empowering exploration.

而没有从根本上去赋能探索。

One morning, a friend of mine was telling me

一天早上，我的一个朋友告诉我

about her latest unsatisfying hookup,

她最近一次不满意的啪啪啪，

and I asked her what she had been thinking about during sex.

我问她在做爱时都在想什么。

"Hmm," she said.

“嗯，” 她说。

“I don’t know.”

“我不知道。”

Something about that really struck me.

这件事真的让我很震惊。

Her entire memory of the experience was what had happened physically.

她对这次经历的全部记忆 都是在身体上发生的事情。

So many of us think that good sex is something that should happen to us,

我们很多人认为良好的性爱 本应该发生在我们身上，

that it’s in someone else’s hands, quite literally,

而毫不夸张的说， 如今却掌控在他人手中。

We expect a partner, current or future, to be the magical unlock.

我们期待一个伴侣，现在或未来， 成为神奇的解锁。

Maybe because we feel especially safe with them

也许是因为我们觉得 和他们在一起特别安全，

or attracted to them

或被他们吸引，

or because they have more experience than we do.

或因为他们有 比我们有更多的经验。

But in doing so, we forget our own agency in the matter.

但在这样做时，我们忘记了 我们自己的影响。

We write ourselves and our imaginations out of the pleasure equation.

我们把自己和我们的想象 写出快乐方程式。

I had this hunch that my friend,

我有这样的预感，我的朋友，

that many of us, were experiencing a crisis of inspiration.

我们中的许多人， 正在经历灵感危机。

In the years after college,

在大学毕业后的几年里，

my fascination with the role of imagination and sexuality only grew.

我对想象力 和性欲功能的迷恋日益增长。

Eventually, I left the career I'd built to start a company called Dipsea,

最终，我辞职自己 创办了一家名为 Dipsea 的公司，

which creates stories, audio stories, designed to turn women on.

该公司创作故事、音频故事， 旨在让女性兴奋。

I decided to focus on audio

我决定专注于音频，

because it's so immersive and so evocative and so personal.

因为它是如此身临其境， 如此令人回味，如此个人化。

Here's what I mean.

我说的是这个意思。

Feel free to close your eyes and consider where these sounds take you.

可以闭上眼睛 并考虑这些声音会把你带到哪里。

(Birds chirping)

（鸟鸣）

(Water flowing)

（流水）

OK. Open your eyes.

好的。 睁开你的眼睛。

Were those not the sounds you were imagining I'd play?

这些不是你以为我会播的声音吗？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Here's what comes to my mind.

这就是我想到的。

I'm in the mountains.

我在山里，

I can feel the sunshine on my face.

我能感觉到我脸上的阳光。

I can feel the cool chill coming up off the Alpine water.

我能感觉到 高山水域凉爽的寒意，

I can see the tiny flecks of sparkle in the granite.

我可以看到 花岗岩中微小的闪光。

I bet that every person in this room is imagining something a little different,

我敢打赌这个房间里的每个人 都在想象一些不同的东西，

but filled with all sorts of distinct details about the surroundings,

但充满了各种不同的对周围，

about the circumstances.

对情况的细节。

Audio is incredible that way.

音频在那方面很难以置信。

Erotic audio stories have characters and plot,

色情音频故事有人物和情节，

but like the sounds you just heard create a blueprint for your mind

但就像你刚刚听到的声音 会为你的大脑创建一个蓝图，

to then fill in the blanks.

然后自由发挥想象力。

They allow you to develop your own vision of what's appealing

它们让你产生对吸引人事物的看法，

in a way that can get lost

所以当你看到特定的， 或明确的屏幕上的影像时，

when you see something specific or explicit onscreen.

你可能会迷失。

You may not be ready or interested

你可能还没有准备好，

in dipping a toe into erotic audio stories.

或没有兴趣尝试色情音频故事。

And that's OK.

这没关系。

So today I'm going to walk you through

所以今天我将带你了解

how you might get started creating your own stories

如何开始创建自己的故事，

and activating your own sexual imagination.

并激活你自己的性想象。

I won't take this too far. You don't have to follow along right now.

我不会做得太过分。 你不必现在跟着一起。

But consider this a guide

但下次可以将此作为指南，

for the next time you get a little me time.

当你们有一些 属于自己的私人时间时。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

First, you'll want to settle into your mind

首先，你要进入你的脑海，

the same way that you might start a meditation.

就像你开始冥想的时候一样。

Then imagine that your mind is like a projector.

然后想象你的脑海就像一个投影仪。

Everything you can see and experience is what's right in front of you.

你可以看到和体验在你眼前的一切。

Everything to your left, right, behind you,

你左边，右边，在你身后，

that's out of frame.

都不在考虑范围内。

This is important because while there are thoughts that turn us on,

这很重要，因为 虽然有些想法可以让我们兴奋，

there are also thoughts that are incredibly effective at turning us off:

但也有一些想法 也很善于让我们不再兴奋：

stress, shame, insecurities,

压力、羞耻、不安全感，

and also the things that inexplicably ick us out.

还有一些莫名其妙地 让我们失望的事情。

So when a thought appears that isn't working,

所以当一个行不通念头出现，

and it inevitably will,

而且会不可避免地出现，

you'll be able to sweep it out of frame.

你将能够将其扫出框架。

You can start with your senses.

你可以从你的感官开始。

Imagine colors, textures, sounds, images,

想象颜色、纹理、声音、图像，

anything that gives you sensory pleasure.

任何能给你感官愉悦的东西，

Sometimes I like to imagine cherry blossoms

有时我喜欢想象樱花

softly floating down from trees.

从树上轻轻飘落。

Or I use a fiery pinkish orange or a relaxing blue as a backdrop

或者我用火红的粉橙色， 或者放松的蓝色

for the experience that I'm imagining.

作为我想象的体验的背景。

Next, try places.

接下来，尝试地方。

And keep in mind that setting will be more important

并记住地点 对我们中的一些人来说

to some of us than to others.

比对其他人更重要。

Reach back into your memory

回忆从前的记忆，

to that secluded beach you visited many years ago.

回想那个很多年前你去过的海滩，

Or create a setting from scratch with as much privacy and comfort,

或从头开始想象一个地方， 拥有你想要的私密和舒适，

or as many adventurous stakes as you like.

或充满你喜欢的冒险。

Next think about a person and layer on a narrative.

接下来想一个人并在叙述上分层，

Maybe it's a character from one of your favorite books.

也许这是来自 你最喜欢的书中角色，

Maybe it's your girlfriend.

也许是你的女朋友。

Hey, maybe it's a guy in a kilt.

嘿，也许是一个 穿着苏格兰短裙的男人。

Whoever it is, how do they approach you?

不管是谁，他们会如何接近你？

What's motivating them?

是什么在促使他们？

What energy are they coming to you with?

他们带着什么能量来找你？

What about you? What do you say?

那你呢？ 你会说什么？

And what do you do together?

你们会一起做什么？

And when you find something that you really like,

当你找到你真的 很喜欢的一些东西时，

play it out for a while.

玩一会儿。

You’ll have just designed your own story.

你刚刚设计了自己的故事。

The more you flex this muscle,

你越用这块肌肉，

the more you'll understand what turns you on

你就会越了解是什么会让你兴奋，

and be able to communicate those things to a partner.

并能够把这些东西告诉伴侣。

You can share the entire fantasy with them if you're comfortable.

如果你觉得可以的话， 你可以跟他们分享整个幻想。

That kind of disclosure can be very intimate and affirming.

这种自我展露可以是 非常亲密且实在的。

Or ...

或者……

don't.

别分享。

It is not a betrayal to use your imagination

用你的想象力来 给你带来更多的乐趣

to bring you more pleasure.

不是一种背叛。

Fantasy is a safe space,

幻想是一个安全的空间，

and it's time we bust the myth that what you fantasize about

是时候别将你幻想的事情

and what you want to happen in reality

和你想要在现实中发生的事情

are always the same thing.

当成是一回事了。

So allow me to offer us a bigger definition of what sex is.

所以请允许我为性 补充一个更完整的定义。

Sex isn't just a physical act.

性不仅仅是一种身体行为，

It's a mental experience.

这是一种心理体验。

And it isn't wholly dependent on a partner.

它并不完全依赖伴侣，

It starts with you.

它从你开始。

You're the one in control of creating the most pleasure for you.

你才是那个可以掌控 什么会为你带来最大的乐趣。

You're the protagonist.

你是主角。

As much as you love someone or feel attracted to them,

尽管你爱一个人或觉得被他吸引，

they are playing a supporting role.

但他都在扮演配角，

And you for them.

而你是他们存在的理由。

Sex is an avenue to accessing feelings of aliveness, empowerment,

性是一种途径，可以获得 我们所有人与生俱来的

joy and confidence

活力、权力、

innate to all of us.

快乐和自信的感觉。

That aliveness, that is the impact of sexual wellness.

那种活力， 就是性健康能带给我们的。

And you will feel it walking down the street,

而当你走在街上，

entering any conversation, navigating any relationship.

进入任何谈话， 驾驭任何关系时都会感觉到。

Put that way,

这么说，

none of us can afford not to prioritize sex.

我们谁都无法避免忽略性爱，

It isn't a nice-to-have or an if-I-get-to-it,

它不是仅限于“一件好事” 或者“如果我能享受它”，

dead last on our list right after picking up the dry cleaning.

或者属于我们待办事项上最后一个， 排在取回烘干衣物之后的事。

So the next time you notice

因此，当下次你注意到

that you haven't been in the mood for a while,

你有好一阵子没有好心情了，

carve some time out for yourself

给自己留点时间，

and let your imagination tell you a sexy story.

并让你的想象力 给自己讲一个性感的故事。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）