3 ways to practice civility | Steven Petrow

翻译人员: Sijia Chen

I want to start by telling you two things about myself

在我开始正式的演讲之前，

before I get into the full talk.

我想首先告诉你们 关于我的两件事。

And the first is that I've been writing about manners and civility

第一件事是作为书作者 和杂志专栏作者，

for more than 20 years,

20多年来，

as a book author and as a magazine columnist.

我一直在写关于礼仪和文明的文章。

The second is,

第二件事是，

my friends know to be very wary of inviting me over for dinner

我的朋友都知道 邀请我共进晚餐要十分小心，

because any faux pas that happens at the table

因为在餐桌前发生的任何失礼

is likely to wind up in print.

都很有可能被白纸黑字记录下来。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So, I'm watching, I can see back there and I can see through the portals, too.

所以，我在看，我可以看到后面那， 也可以看到出入口。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So, speaking of dinner parties,

所以，谈到晚宴，

I want to take you back to 2015 and a dinner party that I went to.

我想把你们带回到2015年 我去过的一个晚宴。

To place this in time,

具体时间是，

this was when Caitlyn Jenner was first coming out,

凯特琳·詹娜首次出柜，

shedding her identity as a Kardashian

脱离她作为卡戴珊家族成员的身份，

and moving into her life as a transgender activist.

并摇身一变成为了 跨性别活动家之时。

I wrote a column in People magazine at the time,

我当时在《人物》杂志上 写了一篇专栏，

talking about the importance of names

谈论名字的重要性，

and how names are our identity.

以及为什么名字即我们的身份。

And that to misuse them or not to use them erases us in a certain way.

还有为什么误用或不用它们 会在某种方式上抹去我们自身。

And especially with Caitlyn Jenner,

尤其是对凯特琳·詹纳来说，

I talked about Caitlyn, but also the use of her pronouns.

我谈到了凯特琳，也谈到了 在称呼她时所使用的各种代词。

Her pronouns.

各种代词。

So I'm at this dinner -- delicious, wonderful, fun --

当宴会女主人开始大声嚷嚷着 抱怨起凯特琳·詹纳时，

when my host goes on a rant about Caitlyn Jenner.

我正在享用本来可口、美妙、 有趣的晚餐。

And she is saying that it is disrespectful for Caitlyn Jenner

她说凯特琳·詹纳很无礼，

to force her to use a new name and to use these new pronouns.

因为凯特琳·詹纳强迫她使用一个新名字 还有各种新代词。

She's not buying it,

她可不买账。

and I'm listening, and because I do meditation,

我听着她。因为我练习冥想，

I took my sacred pause before I responded.

所以在回应她前我先做了个神圣的停顿。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And I reminded her that when she got married,

我提醒她，当她结婚的时候，

she changed her name,

她改了她的名字，

and that she took the name of her husband.

转而冠以夫姓。

And that's the name all of us now use.

而她改名后的名字也正是 我们现在称呼她用的名字。

We don't use it just because it's her legal name,

我们这样做不仅仅是 因为这是她的法定名字，

but we use it because it's respectful.

更是因为这样做才是尊重她的。

Ditto for Miss Jenner.

同样的道理自然也适用于詹纳小姐。

She didn't buy it and we didn't speak for years.

但她不买账，我们之后几年都不说话。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So ...

总之，

I am known as the Civilist.

我被称为文明主义者。

And it's probably a word that you're not that familiar with.

这个词你可能不熟悉。

It's not in common parlance

它不属于日常用语。

and it comes from the Latin and the French,

它来自拉丁语和法语。

and it means an individual who tries to live by a moral code,

这个词指一个人试图遵守道德准则，

who is striving to be a good citizen.

努力做一个好公民。

The word "civility" is derived from that,

“civility”（文明）这个词来源于它。

and the original definition of civility

而“civility”（文明）这个词的本意是指：

is citizens willing to give of themselves for the good of the city,

愿意为了城市的利益，为了集体的利益

for the good of the commonwealth, for the larger good.

为了更大的利益而奉献自己的公民。

So, in this talk,

那么，在这个演讲中，

you're going to learn three new ways to be civil, I hope,

你将依照“civility”（文明）的本意，

and it will be according to the original definition of civility.

学到三个新的讲文明的方式，我期望。

My first problem is:

我遇到的的第一个问题是：

civility is an obsolete word.

“civility”（文明）是一个过时的词。

My second problem is:

我遇到的的第二个问题是：

civility has become a dirty word in this country.

“civility”（文明） 在这个国家 已经变成了一个肮脏的词。

And that is whether you lean right or whether you lean left.

它意味着你是右倾还是左倾。

And in part, that's because modern usage equates civility with decorum,

部分原因是由于在现代用法中 “civility”（文明） 等同于礼仪，

with formal politeness, formal behavior.

表面的礼貌和外在的行为举止，

We've gotten away from the idea of citizenship.

而与“citizenship”（公民义务与权利） 切断了联系。

So, let me start by talking a little bit about my friends on the right,

那么，让我先谈谈我的右派朋友们。

who have conflated civility with what they call political correctness.

他们把“civility”（文明）和一个他们称之为 “政治正确”的东西混淆了起来。

And to them, callouts for civility

对他们来说，呼吁“civility”（文明）

are really very much like what George Orwell wrote in "1984" --

非常类似于乔治·奥威尔在《1984》 中描写的，

he called it "newspeak."

他称之为“新话”的现象。

And this was an attempt to change the way we talk

所谓“新话”即试图通过强行改变 我们使用的语言

by forcibly changing the language that we use.

来改变我们说话的方式，

To change our ideas by changing the meaning of words.

通过改变词语的意思来改变我们的思想。

And I think my dinner host might have had some of that

我那个喋喋不休的晚宴女主人

rattling around there.

大概就有点儿指责这一现象的意思。

And I first personally understood, though,

我第一次亲身理解到

the right's problem with civility

右派与“civility”（文明）之间的冲突是在

when I wrote a column about then-candidate Donald Trump.

当我写一篇关于当时是候选人 的唐纳德·特朗普的专栏时。

And he had just said

他那时刚刚说过，

he did not have time for total political correctness,

他没有时间去遵守完全的政治正确，

and he did not believe the country did either.

他也不认为美国有时间去遵守 完全的政治正确。

And I took that to heart, it was very --

我把这个话铭记于心，它实在是……

The audience was very engaged about that online, as you can imagine.

人们就此在网络上非常积极地展开讨论， 你们可以想象。

There was a thousand responses, and this one stood out to me

当时有成百上千的回复， 而这一回复在我看来非常醒目。

because it was representative:

因为它非常具有代表性。

"Political correctness is a pathological system

“政治正确性是一个病态的系统，

that lets liberals dominate a conversation,

它让自由主义者占谈话的主导地位，

label, demonize and shout down the opposition."

并通过标签化和妖魔化来打压反对派。”

So I think, to the right, civility translates into censure.

所以，我认为对右派来说，“civility”(文明) 意味谴责。

So that's the right.

总之，这就是右派。

Now, my friends on the left also have a problem with it.

不过，我的左派朋友们对于“civility“（文明） 也有不满。

And for example, there have been those

比如说，有的左派人士，

who have harassed Trump administration officials

他们曾骚扰那些支持总统 在边境建围墙的

who support the President's border wall.

特朗普政府官员们。

They've been called out as rude, they've been called out as nasty,

他们被指责为粗鲁，讨人厌，

they've been called out as worse.

或者更糟糕的词。

And after one such incident last year,

去年在一个冲突发生后，

even the Washington Post --

甚至连华盛顿邮报，

you know, left-leaning Washington Post --

你们懂的，左倾的华盛顿邮报，

wrote an editorial and sided with decorum.

写了一篇社论，呼吁克己复礼。

And they argued that officials should be allowed to dine in peace.

他们主张政府官员们 应该被允许安心地吃晚饭。

Hm.

嗯……

"You know, the wall is the real incivility here.

“要知道，在这件事里， 围墙才是真正的不文明。

The tear-gassing of kids, the separation of families."

向儿童发射催泪瓦斯，拆散家庭。”

That's what the protestors say.

抗议者们是这么说的。

And imagine if we had sided, in this country,

想象一下会怎样，如果在这个国家， 从往至今，

with decorum and courtesy throughout our history.

我们一直都支持遵守礼节。

You know, I think about the suffragettes.

我想到了妇女参政论者。

They marched, they picketed.

她们游行，她们抗议。

They were chastised, they were arrested

在20世纪20年代， 她们因为追求妇女的投票权，

for pursuing the vote for women in the 1920s.

而被惩罚，被逮捕。

You know, I also think about the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.,

我还想到了马丁·路德·金牧师，

the father of American nonviolent civil disobedience.

美国非暴力公民不服从运动之父。

He was labeled as uncivil in his attempt to promote racial and economic justice.

他在努力促进种族和经济公平正义时 被贴上了不文明的标签。

So I think you get a sense

所以我想你大概有点明白了，

of why civility has become a problem, a dirty word, here.

为什么“civility”（文明）在这里变成了 一个问题，一个肮脏的字眼。

Now, does this mean we can't disagree, that we can't speak our minds?

这是否说我们不可以有不同的意见， 不可以表达我们的想法呢？

Absolutely not.

绝对不是。

I recently spoke with Dr. Carolyn Lukensmeyer.

我最近和卡洛琳‧鲁肯斯梅尔博士交谈。

She's kind of the guru of civility in this country,

她可以说是这个国家的文明大师。

and the executive director of a body

她同时也是一个叫 国家民声研究所的机构

called the National Institute for Civil Discourse.

的执行董事。

And she told me,

她告诉我，

"Civility does not mean appeasement or avoiding important differences.

“文明不是指采取绥靖政策或者 回避重要分歧，

It means listening and talking about those differences with respect."

而是指带着尊重的态度去倾听 和讨论这些分歧。”

In a healthy democracy, we need to do that.

在一个健康的民主制度中 我们需要这样做。

And I call that respectful engagement.

我将其称之为尊重的了解。

But civil discourse also needs rules, it needs boundaries.

但是民声也需要规则和界限。

For instance, there's a difference

比如说，单纯的粗鲁、贬低人的语言

between language that is simply rude or demeaning,

不同于

and speech that invokes hatred and intolerance.

激发仇恨和不容忍的言论。

And specifically of groups.

尤其那些激发对整个群体的仇恨和 不容忍的言论。

And I'm thinking of racial and ethnic groups,

我在想种族与民族群体，

I'm thinking of the LGBTQ community,

我在想LGBTQ社群，

I'm thinking of the disabled.

我在想残疾人群体。

We snowflakes call this speech "hate speech."

我们这些敏感细腻的人 称这种言论为仇恨言论。

And hate speech can lead to violence.

仇恨言论可以导致暴力。

So, to that point, in the fall of 2018,

2018年的秋季，

I wrote a column about Dr. Christine Blasey Ford.

我写了一篇关于克里斯汀·布拉西·福特博士 的专栏文章。

You may remember her,

你们也许记得她。

she was one of the women who accused Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh

她是指控最高法院大法官提名人 布雷特·卡瓦诺对其性侵

of sexual assault.

的女性之一。

And among the responses,

在各种回复中，

I received this message, a personal message,

我收到了这条信息，一条私人信息。

which you can see here on the slide.

在这张幻灯片上你们可以看到

It's been largely redacted.

许多内容都已经被删减。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

This message was 50 words long. 10 of them were the f-bomb.

这条信息含有50个词， 其中有10个都以F开头。

And the Democrats were called out, President Obama was called out,

民主党人被提到了， 奥巴马总统被提到了。

and I was referred to in a pretty darn vulgar and coarse way.

我也被以一个相当让人难受、下流、 粗俗的方式提到了。

There was an explicit threat in that message,

在那条信息中有一个公开的威胁。

and that is why my editors at The Post sent it to authorities.

正因如此，我在华盛顿邮报的编辑 把它发送给了官方。

This came shortly before the pipe bombs were sent to other media outlets,

这是在管道炸弹被寄到 其他媒体之前不久发生的，

so everybody was really kind of on guard there.

所以每个人都相当警惕。

And the larger context was, only a few months before,

而更大的背景是，仅在几个月之前，

five staffers had been killed at a Maryland newspaper.

五个员工在马里兰的一家报社被杀害。

They had been shot dead by a reader with a grudge.

他们被一个有怨恨的读者枪杀了。

"Shut up or else."

“闭嘴，不然的话。”

And it was around that same time

大概是在同一时间，

that a different reader of mine started stalking me online.

我的另一位读者开始在网上跟踪我。

And at first, it was ...

刚开始的时候，情况比较……

I'll call it light and fluffy.

我会说比较轻微。

It was around this time last year

然后大概是去年的这个时候，

and I still had my Christmas decorations up

我还没有撤掉我的圣诞节装饰。

and he sent me a message saying,

他给我发一条信息说：

"You should take your Christmas decorations down."

“你应该把你的圣诞节装饰撤下来了”。

And then he noticed that my dog was off leash one day,

接着他提醒我有一天我的狗没拴好绳子，

and then he commented that I had gone to the market.

再接着他评论说我之前去过市场。

And then he wrote me one that said,

之后他给我发一条信息告诉我：

"If anyone were to shoot and kill you,

“如果任何人想要给你几枪杀了你，

it would not be a loss at all."

完全没有任何损失可言 ”。

I wish that were the end of the story.

我希望这就是故事的结尾。

Because then, a few months later, he came to my door, my front door,

因为几个月之后，他愤怒地冲到我家门前，正门前，

in a rage and tried to break the door down.

试图破门而入。

I now own mace, a security system

现在我有自己的催泪喷雾，保安系统

and a Louisville Slugger baseball bat.

和一根路易斯维尔·斯拉格的棒球棒。

(Sighs)

（叹息）

"Shut up or else."

“闭嘴，不然的话。”

So, what's to be done

那么，我们应该做些什么

to forestall civility from turning ugly, from turning violent?

才能防止文明变得丑陋，变得暴力呢？

My first rule is to deescalate language.

我的第一条规则是给语言降级。

And I've stopped using trigger words in print.

在我的文章里我已经不再使用触发词了。

And by trigger words, I mean "homophobe," I mean "racist,"

所谓触发词，我指的是“仇同性恋者”， 我指“种族主义者”，

I mean "xenophobe," I mean "sexist."

我指“仇外者” ，我指“性别歧视者”。

All of those words.

所有的这些词，

They set people off.

它们都会触发、引爆人们的情绪。

They're incendiary

它们具有煽动性。

and they do not allow us to find common ground.

它们阻止我们找到共同点。

They do not allow us to find a common heart.

它们阻止我们找到共同心。

And so to this point, when John McCain died in 2018,

当约翰·麦凯恩在2018年过世时，

his supporters noted that he never made personal attacks.

他的支持者们指出他从来没有 进行过个人攻击，

But his opponents agreed as well,

而他的反对者们对此也没有异议。

and I though that was what was really noteworthy.

我认为这一点非常难能可贵。

He challenged people's policies, he challenged their positions,

他挑战人们的政策，他挑战人们的立场，

but he never made it personal.

但他从来不针对个人。

And so that's the second rule.

而这也正是我的第二条规则。

So the problem of civility is not only an American one.

文明的问题不是一个美国独有的问题。

In the Netherlands, there are calls for a civility offensive right now,

在荷兰，现在正有人要求发起文明进攻。

and as one Dutch philosopher has put it,

正如一个荷兰哲学家所指出，

the country has fallen under a spell of "verhuftering."

这个国家已经被下了一个叫 “verhuftering”的咒语。

Now, this is not a word that I knew before and I did quite a bit of research.

这个词我之前是不认识的， 对此我做了相当多的功课。

It loosely means bullying and the disappearance of good manners.

它大致上可以理解为欺凌和 良好举止的消失。

It actually means much worse than that, but that's what I'm saying here.

它的实际意思还要糟糕许多， 但这是我在这里要说的。

When you have a specific word, though, to describe a problem like that,

当你可以找到一个特定的词 来描述一个问题时，

you know you really have a problem.

你就知道了你的的确确是有一个问题。

And in the United Kingdom, the [2016] Brexit vote ...

而在英国，2016年的脱欧投票，

you know, has divided a nation even more so.

你们知道，更是分化了一个国家。

And one critic of the breakup called those who favor it --

一个批评英国脱欧的人 把那些支持脱欧的人称作，

I just love this phrase --

我超喜欢这个表达，

"the frightened parochial lizard brain of Britain."

“英国狭隘受惊的蜥蜴脑”。

The frightened parochial lizard brain of Britain.

英国狭隘受惊的蜥蜴脑，

That's personal.

这是针对个人的。

And it makes me miss "Downton Abbey"

它让我怀念起《唐顿庄园》

and its patina of civility.

和里面文明的气息。

But therein lies the third rule:

但那里藏着第三条规则：

don't mistake decorum for civility.

不要错把繁文缛节当做文明。

Even if you have a dowager countess as fabulous as Dame Maggie Smith.

即便是由玛吉·史密斯女爵士来 扮演惊艳的老伯爵夫人。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

[Don't be defeatist. It's so middle class.]

[别当一个失败主义者，那样太中产阶级了。]

So let me end with one last story.

让我用最后一个故事来收尾。

Not that long ago, I was at a bakery, and they make these amazing scones.

不久前，我在一个面包店， 里面出售非常美味的司康饼。

So, long line -- there are a lot of scones.

排队的人很多，司康饼也很多。

And one by one, the scones were disappearing

但是一个接着一个，司康饼不断消失。

until there was one woman in between me and that last scone.

等到我前面排队的还剩一位女士的时候， 司康饼也只剩下一个了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Praise the Lord, she said, "I'll have a croissant."

谢天谢地，她说：“我要个羊角面包。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So when it became my turn, I said, "I'll take that scone."

所以等轮到我的时候，我说：“我要那个司康饼。”

The guy behind me --

站在我后面的那个男人，

I'd never turned around, never seen him --

我本来绝对不会转过身看他。

he shouted, "That's my scone!

他大叫道：“那是我的司康饼！

I've been waiting in line 20 minutes."

我已经排队排了20分钟了。”

And I was like, "Who are you?

我当时想：“你是谁啊？

I've been waiting in line 20 minutes, and you're behind me."

我也排队排了20分钟， 而且你排在我后面。”

So, I grew up here in New York,

我在纽约这里长大，

and went to high school not that far from here.

我的高中离这里不远。

And I may seem, you know, very civil here and so on,

我也许看起来，你们知道， 很文明什么的。

but I can hip check anybody for a taxicab in this room, on these streets.

但我可以用屁股功和这间屋子里的任何一个人 在马路上抢一辆计程车。

So I was surprised when I said to this guy ...

所以当我对那个男人脱口而出 “你想要一半吗？”

"Would you like half?"

“你想要一半吗？”的时候，

"Would you like half?"

我自己非常惊讶。

I didn't think about it, it just came out.

我根本想都没想， 那句话就这么从我嘴里冒出来了。

And then, he was very puzzled, and I could see his face change

结果，他也猛地楞了一下， 我可以看见他神情的变化。

and he said to me,

接着他对我说：

"Well, how about if I buy another pastry and we'll share both of them?"

“这么着吧，你看我再买个其他的糕点， 然后我们一起分享两个糕点怎么样？”

And he did, and we did.

结果他真另外买了一个糕点， 我们也真一起分享了两个糕点。

And we sat and talked.

我们坐了下来开始聊天。

We had nothing in common.

我们没有任何共同点。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

We had nothing in common: nationality, sexual orientation, occupation.

我们没有任何共同点：国籍，性取向，职业。

But through this moment of kindness, through this moment of connection,

但是通过这个善意的瞬间, 通过这个衔接的瞬间,

we developed a friendship, we have stayed in touch.

我们发展起了一段友谊， 我们现在还保持联系。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Although he was appalled to learn that I'm called the Civilist after that.

虽然说当他后来得知 我被称为文明主义者时相当惊恐。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But I call this the joy of civility.

但我将这样的经历称为文明的乐趣。

The joy of civility.

文明的乐趣。

And it led me to wonder,

它引导我去思忖这样一个问题：

what is the good we forgo, not just the trouble we avoid,

当我们选择不文明的时候， 在避免了一些麻烦的同时，

when we choose to be uncivil.

我们错过了什么好处？

And by good, I mean friendship, I mean connection.

所谓好处，我指友谊，我指衔接，

I mean sharing 1000 calories.

我指分享1000卡路里。

But I also mean it in a larger way.

但我也指一些更大意义上的好处。

You know, as communities and as a country and as a world.

作为社区，作为一个国家， 作为一个世界，

What are we missing out on?

我们错过了什么？

So, today, we are engaged in a great civil war of ideas and identity.

今天，我们正在围绕思想和身份 展开一场重大内战。

And we have no rules for them.

而我们没有规则可循。

You know, there are rules for war.

你们知道，战争是有规则的。

Think about the Geneva Conventions.

想一想日内瓦公约，

They ensure that every soldier is treated humanely,

公约确保每个士兵都得到人道待遇，

on and off the battlefield.

无论是在战场上还是下了战场。

So, frankly, I think we need a Geneva Convention of civility,

所以，直白地说， 我认为我们需要一个日内瓦文明公约。

to set the rules for discourse for the parameters of that.

来给时下的辩论提供一套制约规则，

To help us become better citizens of our communities and of our countries.

来帮助我们成为我们的社区和 我们的国家的更好的公民。

And if I have anything to say about it,

如果关于这个公约我有什么要说的，

I would base those rules on the original definition of civility,

我会要求把所有规则建立在 “civility”（文明）的本意上，

from the Latin and from the French.

来自于拉丁语和法语的本意。

Civility:

那就是：

citizens willing to give of themselves for the greater good.

愿意为了更大的利益，

For the good of the city.

为了城市的利益而奉献自己的公民。

So I think civility, with that understanding, is not a dirty word.

所以我想，如果我们这样理解“civility”（文明）， 它便不再是一个肮脏的词。

And I hope the civilist will not become, or will not stay, obsolete.

我希望文明主义者不要过时，或者继续过时。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

(掌声)