The mood-boosting power of crying | Kathy Mendias

Transcriber: Ivana Korom Reviewer: Krystian Aparta

翻译人员: Eric Ma 校对人员: Yanyan Hong

根据美国眼科协会的数据显示，

我们一年会产生 15-30 加仑的眼泪，

而我就是一个人们常说的“哭包”。

According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology,

虽然随着年龄增长， 我们的眼泪逐渐减少，

we create 15 to 30 gallons of tears a year.

我觉得等到了 80 岁，

I am what you would call a high-volume producer.

我的眼泪能装满 40 个普通大小的浴缸。

Now even though we do create less tears as we age,

那我年轻时流过的泪呢？

其实没什么值得骄傲的。

I figure by the time I'm 80,

五岁时，

I will have filled up 40 average-sized bath tubs.

我突发奇想在房子的外墙上

练习书写自己的名字。

Now crying in my early years?

可是写在了房子外墙上。

Not something I would brag about.

妈妈可不乐意。

When I was five,

她递给我一把牙刷说：

I thought it was a good idea to practice writing my name

“去，擦掉你的鬼画符。”

我乖乖照做。

on the side of the house.

有时我坐在饭桌旁 能坐到天荒地老似的。

Outside the house.

Momma didn't agree with me much.

因为我不想吃蔬菜。

She handed me a toothbrush and said,

你大概能懂这种感觉。

"Here, scrub."

So I did.

我因此错过自己喜欢的节目， 然后哇哇大哭。

I'd sit at the dining room table for what seemed like an eternity.

I didn't want to eat my vegetables.

那时眼泪总是 和那些不愉快的事情有关。

You probably know the feeling.

幸运的是，我长大了。

I'd miss all my favorite shows and cry like crazy.

我不再在墙上乱涂乱画， 开始好好吃蔬菜，

Crying was always associated with something bad.

然后我成为了一个妈妈。

不瞒你说， 哭泣的意义完全不同了。

Fortunately, I grew up.

I stopped writing on the walls, started eating my vegetables,

怀孕到九个月的那天， 我坐在沙发上，

and I entered the wonderful world of motherhood.

看着前门放着已经整理妥当的行李

And let me tell you, crying takes on a whole new meaning.

等着我，

因为我希望，那天就是生产的日子了。

I was nine months pregnant and I was sitting on the couch,

我整理了一下心情，

自己对自己说：“你想啊， 我们都能把人送上太空，

looking at the front door where my bags were packed,

waiting for me,

却无法准确预测 孩子会什么时候出生。”

because I was hopeful that today would be the day.

然后我顿时有种喘不过气的感觉，

I settle in a little bit more,

and I think to myself, "You know, we can put humans into space,

嗓子发紧，

一下子绷不住就哭出来了。

but we can't seem to figure out when a baby will be born."

And then I feel this pressure build up in my chest,

然后你知道吗？

我对此毫无头绪。

my throat get really tight,

不知眼泪从何而来，

and I just burst into tears.

这让我更加难过，

结果最后我单纯因为难过 而更难过了。

And you know what?

我深吸一口气（吸）——

I had no idea why.

慢慢呼出气（呼）——

And not knowing why at the time,

well, that just got me more upset,

本以为这能有点用，然而并没有。

so I eventually was just upset for being upset.

然后我哥哥走进来对我说：

I took a deep breath -- (Inhales)

and I let it out -- (Exhales)

“你咋啦?”

Thought that would help, but no, it didn't.

我说： “没事，让我一个人呆着就行。”

然后他居然一转身就跑了。

Then my brother walks in with his smirky grin and he says to me,

然后呢？

"What's wrong with you?"

I said, "Nothing, just leave me alone."

我哭得天崩地裂。

我尴尬极了，哭得就像小时候一样。

And he did, he ran as fast as he could.

And you know what I did when he left.

走运的是，

I cried even harder.

我只需要看着门口打包好的行李

I was ashamed and embarrassed, just like when I was a kid.

再等九天，

就到了真正预产的日子。

我的身体终于告诉我是时候了。

Now lucky for me,

I only had to look at that bag sitting by the front door

18 个小时以来 我一直努力使劲把这个

for another nine days,

right before my expected date of delivery.

保龄球大小的小人儿排出体外，

And finally, my body said it was time.

And after 18 hours of feeling my body try to expel this little human

我使出吃奶的力气，

甚至我都觉得宝宝肯定要窒息了，

that weighed about the size of a bowling ball,

然后一个呼吸之间，

我美丽的宝贝女儿詹妮弗

and hours of pushing so hard

that I thought for sure this baby was stuck,

就来到了这个世界。

within a heartbeat,

我看着她，她哭了，

my beautiful baby girl Jennifer

我也哭了。

就在之前我心中 积压的所有情绪和压力

entered the world.

And I looked at her, and she cried

and then I just cried.

立刻都被前所未有的 幸福和宽慰代替了。

All of that emotion and pressure that I had inside just seconds before

九个月以来这些 害怕和焦虑的泪水

was immediately replaced with the most joyous sense of relief

以及完全失控的激素，

that I had ever felt.

在那一刻转化成我人生中

And after nine months of crying over these fears and anxieties

and crazy out-of-control hormones,

最刻骨铭心、最开心的泪水。

that was instantaneously transformed into the deepest,

我完全无法克制不哭泣。

most heartfelt, happiest cry of my life.

那些辛苦的泪水，

开心的泪水，

幸福的泪水，

And I had no control.

无处遁逃，唯有夺眶而出。

Those really hard tears,

也正是这些眼泪，

those happy tears,

在那个时刻支持着我，

those overwhelming joyful tears,

让我有勇气又生了三个孩子，

they had nowhere to go but out.

并且开始帮助其他产妇生育。

And it was those tears,

that moment, that incredible high,

我成为了一名生育讲师，

that inspired me to birth three more little miracles

同时也开始 重构对眼泪含义的全新理解。

and start to help others have their own.

在我 30 年的教学生涯 刚开始不久的时候，

有一堂课深深打动了我。

I became a childbirth educator,

and I started a whole new relationship with tears.

那个晚上讲课的主题是

如何处理孕期的情绪。

It was early in my 30 years of teaching,

当然课程一开始

I had a class touch my heart like no other.

让大家了解孕期情绪 和身体反应变化，

The topic for the night --

emotions of pregnancy, go figure.

我们哭泣时身体会 用尽全力释放多余情绪，

And it was important for the class

to first learn about the emotional changes and responses during pregnancy,

就像处理体内不能容下的部分，

and how when we cry, it can feel like the body's trying to push out

就像排气口排出极度的悲伤，

that extra emotion,

almost like it's processing what it can't hold inside.

喜悦或者是多日后的解脱，

Like an exhaust port for extreme feelings of sadness,

年复一年盼望着的魔法一刻，

joy or even relief after days,

简直就像身体挤出种种情绪，

years of anticipation of that one magical moment.

幻化成眼角落下的液体。

It can literally feel like your body is squeezing out all that emotion

也就是我们的眼泪。

在我的课堂流泪很常见，

in the form of water coming from our eyes.

这次不是我的眼泪， 而是准妈妈们的泪水，

Our tears.

那天晚上的课

Now tears were always expected during my classes.

落的泪意义非凡，

Not mine this time, the new moms'.

当我刚讲完孕期的情绪变化，

接着讲了关于‘拟娩症’的问题，

And this night in this class,

it was way different.

“拟娩”一词来自法语couver，

I had just finished talking about the emotional changes of pregnancy

意思是“孵化”，

类似鸟类保护巢穴的行为，

and I went in to talk about the couvade syndrome.

那么有谁能比准妈妈的 伴侣更加合适呢？

Now the word "couvade" comes from a French term, "couver,"

which means "to brood,"

similar to birds protecting a nest.

又被称为“易感妊娠”的

“拟娩综合症”是真实存在的现象，

Well, who better to protect this nest than the expecting mother's partner?

当未怀孕的伴侣 同样经历类似怀孕的症状，

Also called a sympathetic pregnancy,

比如情绪不稳难以入睡、体重增加，

the couvade syndrome is a real-life phenomenon,

where the non-pregnant partner can take on pregnancy characteristics

还有一些渴望尝试新奇事物，

like mood swings, loss of sleep,

买一辆崭新跑车，

weight gain

开始新的爱好如烹饪美食，

and for some, a really intense drive to do something new and unexpected,

大家听完总会笑一笑，

仅此而已，

like buy a new sports car

or start a new hobby like gourmet cooking.

课程结束。

然而那晚却不一样，

当我话音刚落，

The class usually laughs a little bit after that

有一位身材魁梧的准爸爸站起来，

and that's it.

We end the night.

But it didn't end there.

我以为他是准备离场，

When I finished my sentence,

他却粗声粗气地说：

this big, burly father-to-be stands up,

“好吧 各位，”

你们中有多少人哭了，

and I thought for sure he was leaving.

就是在妻子怀孕这整个过程中？”

But instead, in a really gruff, commanding way, he says,

我快速扫了一圈整个教室， 确认大家都没事，

"Alright, you guys,

how many of you have cried during this thing,

他们还好，

只是很想知道 接下来会发生什么，

you know, her pregnancy?"

接着一位男士举起手来说 “我哭了。”，

I scan the class to make sure everybody was OK.

They were fine,

然后另一个举起手来，

they were just very intent on what was going to happen next.

一个接着一个举起手来，

And then, one gentleman raises his hand and says, "I have."

还有一个非常安静的女孩，

And then another,

她是其中一位准妈妈的未婚妻，

and the stories just flowed.

她看着她说道，

Even this really quiet gal --

“你看，我告诉过你 我哭也是正常的吧。”

she was the fiancee of one of the expecting moms --

整个班级就这样心灵连接起来，

互相彼此认可。

she looks at her and she says,

那一晚走出教室大家

"See? I told you my crying was normal too."

都对非妊娠伴侣有了重新认识，

The class connected,

从那以后更加坚定了 我接纳生命中的泪水，

they validated each other,

and we all walked away with a new respect

一切都好转了。

for the non-pregnant partners that night.

也是那六周课程的最后一晚，

For me, that solidified my passion to embrace those tears.

一位准妈妈来找我，

Then, it got better.

想单独跟我谈谈。我说好的，

On the last night of that same six-week class,

我们走到一个角落。她说：

one of the expecting moms came up to me.

“谢谢你拯救了我的婚姻。”

She asked to talk to me privately, and I said of course,

我让她继续，她告诉我说，

and we went into the corner.

她丈夫曾考虑离开她，

And she says,

"I need to thank you for saving my relationship."

因为她孕期情绪不稳，

无缘无故大哭，

他也因此焦虑和易怒。

I let her go on, and she tells me

that her husband was considering leaving her

但最后他并没有离开，

over her mood swings,

她接着对我说现在 他们意识到孕期哭很正常。

out-of-control crying,

and his turmoil and anger over this pregnancy.

丈夫告诉她当自己哭时，

But he didn't leave.

She went on to tell me that they realized now it's OK to cry.

不再对自己感到生气。

天呐！哭不仅让我的班级 紧密联系起来，

And he had told her that when he cries,

he doesn't feel as angry.

它还让那对夫妇继续在一起。

Wow!

而且他对于生气的见解触动了我，

Not only did crying bring my class together,

所以我做了一番研究，

it kept that couple together.

值得一提的是进化心理学家 奥伦·哈森博士（Dr. Oren Hasson）

And you know, his comment about anger was really, really intriguing to me,

提出一些理论当泪水模糊视线，

so I looked around, did some research,

and sure enough, Dr. Oren Hasson,

有时真能够减少 我们应对愤怒的能力，

an evolutionary psychologist,

he had some theories about when tears blur our vision,

it really has the ability to, sometimes, reduce our ability to react to that anger.

泪水并不是生气，

更像是泄气阀。

尽管我们大多数人都强忍不哭，

But the tears weren't the anger.

They were more like the release valve.

但哭出来也许更好。

忍住不哭会放大我们的愤怒或悲伤。

And though many of us, we try to keep those tears inside,

but letting them out really may be the better move.

当我们流出眼泪，

身体里面的激素 会处于高度戒备状态，

Keeping them inside

can amplify our feelings of anger or sadness.

生化学家威廉姆·弗雷博士 （Dr. William Frey）如是说，

And while we're releasing those tears,

他发现在我们的情绪之泪，

our hormones inside, they're on high alert,

不是每天的打哈欠泪水，

and we know this

because of Dr. William Frey, a biochemist.

其中含有大量应激激素，

He found that inside of our emotional tears --

还有亮氨酸脑啡肽。

对我而言更熟悉的是内啡肽，

not our everyday, like, yawning tears,

but our emotional tears --

当我们身体分泌 应激激素发挥作用，

there's high concentrations of stress hormones

and leucine enkephalins,

内啡肽——让我们感觉良好的化学物质

which, easier on my tongue, is endorphins.

起到了镇痛剂的作用，

And while our stress hormones are helping our bodies out,

来提高我们的情绪。

这样的好东西谁不想要？

our endorphins, those feel-good chemicals,

对于大多数人 能够刺激身体分泌出内啡肽，

they're helping to act as a pain reliever

to boost our mood.

是压力和疼痛。

Now who wouldn't want that?

There are two triggers for the release of endorphins

那对于一个生孩子的产妇而言，

同时体验压力和疼痛，

for most of us.

Stress and pain.

身体分泌出的内啡肽能帮大忙。

And for a woman giving birth,

当生孩子时，

分泌的内啡肽 会帮助妈妈忍受长的产程，

experiencing both stress and pain,

endorphins, they are a gift.

所以准妈妈能更好地应对，

As the labor progresses,

those endorphins will rise to help her with a potentially long labor.

能更加警觉，产后能够开心一些。

哭泣真是太棒了。

As a result,

the mom is better able to cope,

and she can feel more alert and almost euphoric after the birth.

我都找不到更贴切的词来形容，

哭泣能够减轻我们的身体疼痛，

Crying

is just awesome.

加深亲密关系。

I wish there was a bigger word.

最重要的是身体和精神都受益，

Crying offers us an opportunity for physical relief,

for intimacy between two individuals

哭泣作为一种，

and ultimately,

内心最深处最强烈的表达方式，

it promotes physical and mental well-being.

And as an expression

不需要感到尴尬，

of our most intense interior human experiences,

不需要感到羞耻，

不需要被吓跑。

there is no need to be embarrassed,

我们应该建立起与哭泣的健康关系，

no need to be ashamed

改变对泪水的看法，

and no need to run away.

我们总是认为恐惧、害怕泪水，

We need to have a healthy relationship with crying

其实它们很美好 很解压 很安慰人心，

and change the way we view tears.

We see them as overwhelming and scary and confusing,

我们不该把他们 看作事情变糟糕的警钟，

when they're really beautiful,

soothing and reassuring.

而应看作是我们神奇身体 自然发生的功能。

They're not to be seen as some screeching alarm bell

that something is wrong

哭泣对我来说如同呼吸一样重要，

but rather a natural functionality

现在如果我的丈夫 看见我在沙发哭泣，

of our amazing bodies.

Crying is as essential to me as breathing.

在学习了许多关于哭泣之后，

And now, if I'm caught crying on that couch by my wonderful husband,

他并没有逃跑，

而是问我怎么了。

who has had to learn way more about crying than he ever wanted to,

我会告诉他 我只是想发泄一下情绪，

he doesn't run away.

他会握着我的手，

He'll ask me why I'm crying,

而我会怎么做呢？

and I'll let him know I just need my release.

我会嚎啕大哭。

然后把头埋进他深深的臂弯，

He'll take my hand,

and you know what I'll do?

I will let it all out.

哭完之后感到无比放松。

And then I'm going to sink into that deep sense of intimacy

谢谢聆听。

and extraordinary sense of relief

that only my tears can bring.

Thank you.