The mood-boosting power of crying | Kathy Mendias

50,440 views ・ 2020-12-07

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00:00
Transcriber: Ivana Korom Reviewer: Krystian Aparta
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Prevoditelj: Mihael Kralj Recezent: Sanda Liker
00:13
According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology,
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Prema Američkoj akademiji oftamologije,
00:15
we create 15 to 30 gallons of tears a year.
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kreiramo 60 do 100 litara suza godišnje.
00:19
I am what you would call a high-volume producer.
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Ja, moglo bi se reći, proizvodim mnogo.
00:22
Now even though we do create less tears as we age,
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Iako stvaramo manje suza s godinama,
00:25
I figure by the time I'm 80,
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shvatila sam da bih tako do 80. godine života
00:28
I will have filled up 40 average-sized bath tubs.
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napunila 40 prosječnih kada.
00:31
Now crying in my early years?
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A plakanje u svojim mladim danima?
00:33
Not something I would brag about.
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Nije nešto čime se ponosim.
00:35
When I was five,
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Kad sam imala pet godina,
00:36
I thought it was a good idea to practice writing my name
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mislila sam kako je vježbanje pisanja svog imena po zidu
00:39
on the side of the house.
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jako dobra ideja.
00:40
Outside the house.
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Po vanjskom zidu.
00:41
Momma didn't agree with me much.
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Mama se nije baš slagala.
00:43
She handed me a toothbrush and said,
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Dala mi je četkicu za zube i rekla:
00:45
"Here, scrub."
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"Evo ti, ribaj."
00:46
So I did.
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Pa jesam.
00:48
I'd sit at the dining room table for what seemed like an eternity.
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Sjedila bih za stolom u blagovaonici toliko dugo, činilo se vječno.
00:51
I didn't want to eat my vegetables.
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Nisam htjela pojesti povrće.
00:53
You probably know the feeling.
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Vjerojatno znate kako je to.
00:55
I'd miss all my favorite shows and cry like crazy.
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Propustila bih svoje najdraže crtiće i plakala kao luda.
00:59
Crying was always associated with something bad.
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Plač je uvijek bio povezan s nečim lošim.
01:03
Fortunately, I grew up.
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Na svu sreću, odrasla sam.
01:04
I stopped writing on the walls, started eating my vegetables,
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Prestala sam pisati po zidovima, počela jesti povrće
01:07
and I entered the wonderful world of motherhood.
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i ušla u predivan svijet majčinstva.
01:10
And let me tell you, crying takes on a whole new meaning.
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I moram vam reći, plač poprima posve novo značenje.
01:13
I was nine months pregnant and I was sitting on the couch,
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Bila sam trudna devet mjeseci i sjedila na kauču,
01:17
looking at the front door where my bags were packed,
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gledajući ulazna vrata gdje su bile moje pune torbe,
01:19
waiting for me,
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čekale me,
01:20
because I was hopeful that today would be the day.
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jer sam se nadala da će danas biti taj dan.
01:23
I settle in a little bit more,
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Malo se namjestim
01:25
and I think to myself, "You know, we can put humans into space,
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i pomislim: "Znaš, možemo ljude slati u svemir,
01:28
but we can't seem to figure out when a baby will be born."
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a ne možemo niti predvidjeti kad će se roditi beba."
01:31
And then I feel this pressure build up in my chest,
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I tada bih osjetila taj pritisak u svojim grudima,
01:33
my throat get really tight,
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stezanje u grlu
01:36
and I just burst into tears.
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i samo počela plakati.
01:39
And you know what?
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I znate što?
01:41
I had no idea why.
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Nisam imala pojma zašto.
01:43
And not knowing why at the time,
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U to vrijeme,
01:44
well, that just got me more upset,
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to me još više uzrujalo
01:46
so I eventually was just upset for being upset.
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pa sam na kraju bila uzrujana jer sam uzrujana.
01:49
I took a deep breath -- (Inhales)
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Duboko sam udahnula -- (Udah)
01:51
and I let it out -- (Exhales)
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i izdahnula -- (Izdah).
01:52
Thought that would help, but no, it didn't.
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Mislila sam da će to pomoći, no nije pomoglo.
01:55
Then my brother walks in with his smirky grin and he says to me,
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I tada uleti moj brat sa svojim kiselim smiješkom i kaže:
01:59
"What's wrong with you?"
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"Što je tebi?"
02:00
I said, "Nothing, just leave me alone."
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Rekla sam: "Ništa, pusti me na miru."
02:02
And he did, he ran as fast as he could.
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I je, pobjegao je koliko su ga noge nosile.
02:05
And you know what I did when he left.
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I znate što sam učinila kad je otišao.
02:08
I cried even harder.
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Plakala, još jače.
02:10
I was ashamed and embarrassed, just like when I was a kid.
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Bila sam posramljena, kao kad sam bila dijete.
02:15
Now lucky for me,
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Sebi na sreću,
02:16
I only had to look at that bag sitting by the front door
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trebala sam gledati tu torbu pored ulaznih vrata
samo još 9 dana,
02:19
for another nine days,
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prije dana poroda.
02:20
right before my expected date of delivery.
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02:22
And finally, my body said it was time.
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I konačno, moje tijelo je reklo - vrijeme je.
02:24
And after 18 hours of feeling my body try to expel this little human
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I nakon 18 sati osjećanja kako moje tijelo pokušava izbaciti to malo biće,
02:29
that weighed about the size of a bowling ball,
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koje je težilo otprilike kao kugla za kuglanje,
02:32
and hours of pushing so hard
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i sati teškog tiskanja
02:34
that I thought for sure this baby was stuck,
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tijekom kojih sam mislila da je beba zapela,
02:38
within a heartbeat,
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u trenutku,
02:40
my beautiful baby girl Jennifer
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moja predivna mala Jennifer
02:45
entered the world.
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je izašla na svijet.
02:47
And I looked at her, and she cried
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I gledala sam je, a ona je plakala
02:49
and then I just cried.
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pa sam i ja počela plakati.
02:53
All of that emotion and pressure that I had inside just seconds before
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Svu tu emociju i pritisak koje sam osjećala iznutra trenutak prije,
02:57
was immediately replaced with the most joyous sense of relief
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odmah je zamijenilo najsretnije olakšanje
03:02
that I had ever felt.
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koje sam ikad osjetila.
03:05
And after nine months of crying over these fears and anxieties
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I nakon devet mjeseci plakanja oko tog straha i brige
03:08
and crazy out-of-control hormones,
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i ludih hormona bez kontrole,
03:12
that was instantaneously transformed into the deepest,
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to se u trenutku prevorilo u najdublji,
03:16
most heartfelt, happiest cry of my life.
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najljepši i najsretniji plač u mom životu.
03:23
And I had no control.
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I nisam se mogla kontrolirati.
03:25
Those really hard tears,
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Te teške suze,
03:27
those happy tears,
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te sretne suze,
03:29
those overwhelming joyful tears,
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te preplavljujuće sretne suze,
03:32
they had nowhere to go but out.
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nisu imale kuda nego van.
03:35
And it was those tears,
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I te suze,
03:36
that moment, that incredible high,
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u tom trenu, taj neopisiv osjećaj
03:38
that inspired me to birth three more little miracles
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koji me potaknuo da rodim još tri mala čuda
03:42
and start to help others have their own.
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i počnem pomagati drugima da imaju svoja.
03:45
I became a childbirth educator,
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Postala sam edukator o porođajima
03:47
and I started a whole new relationship with tears.
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i započela potpuno novi odnos prema suzama.
03:51
It was early in my 30 years of teaching,
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U 30 godina podučavanja,
03:53
I had a class touch my heart like no other.
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jedan me od satova dirnuo u srce.
03:55
The topic for the night --
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Tema večeri --
03:57
emotions of pregnancy, go figure.
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emocije trudnoće, zamislite.
04:00
And it was important for the class
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I bilo je važno
04:01
to first learn about the emotional changes and responses during pregnancy,
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da prvo nauče o emotivnim promjenama i ponašanju tijekom trudnoće
04:05
and how when we cry, it can feel like the body's trying to push out
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i kako kad plačemo, možemo osjećati kao da tijelo ispušta
04:09
that extra emotion,
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taj višak emocija,
04:10
almost like it's processing what it can't hold inside.
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kao da prerađuje ono što ne može zadržati u sebi.
04:14
Like an exhaust port for extreme feelings of sadness,
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Kao ispušni otvor za teški osjećaj tuge,
04:18
joy or even relief after days,
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sreće ili čak olakšanja nakon dana,
04:22
years of anticipation of that one magical moment.
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godina očekivanja tog čarobnog trenutka.
04:27
It can literally feel like your body is squeezing out all that emotion
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Kao da vaše tijelo istiskuje sve te emocije van
04:33
in the form of water coming from our eyes.
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u obliku vode koja izlazi kroz oči.
04:36
Our tears.
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Naših suza.
04:38
Now tears were always expected during my classes.
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Suze su uvijek bile očekivane tijekom mojih satova.
04:41
Not mine this time, the new moms'.
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Ovaj put ne moje, već novih mama.
04:45
And this night in this class,
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I te večeri na tom satu,
04:47
it was way different.
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bilo je potpuno drugačije.
04:49
I had just finished talking about the emotional changes of pregnancy
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Baš sam završila priču o emotivnim promjenama tijekom trudnoće
04:53
and I went in to talk about the couvade syndrome.
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i nastavila s pričom o Kuvada sindromu (fantomskoj trudnoći).
04:56
Now the word "couvade" comes from a French term, "couver,"
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Riječ "kuvada" potječe od francuskog izraza "couver",
04:59
which means "to brood,"
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što znači "sjediti na jajima",
05:00
similar to birds protecting a nest.
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poput ptica koje štite gnijezdo.
05:04
Well, who better to protect this nest than the expecting mother's partner?
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A tko bi to gnijezdo mogao štititi bolje nego partner buduće majke?
05:09
Also called a sympathetic pregnancy,
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Drugog naziva "simpatetična trudnoća",
05:11
the couvade syndrome is a real-life phenomenon,
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Kuvada sindrom je stvaran fenomen,
05:14
where the non-pregnant partner can take on pregnancy characteristics
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gdje partner koji nije trudan može poprimiti karakteristike trudnoće
05:18
like mood swings, loss of sleep,
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poput promjene raspoloženja, nedostatka sna,
05:21
weight gain
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dobivanja na težini,
05:22
and for some, a really intense drive to do something new and unexpected,
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a za neke, veliku potrebu da učine nešto novo i neočekivano,
05:27
like buy a new sports car
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poput kupovanja novog sportskog automobila
05:29
or start a new hobby like gourmet cooking.
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ili novog hobija poput profesionalnog kuhanja.
05:33
The class usually laughs a little bit after that
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Razred se obično malo nasmije nakon toga
05:35
and that's it.
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i to je to.
05:37
We end the night.
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Završimo sat.
05:38
But it didn't end there.
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Ali tu nije završilo.
05:40
When I finished my sentence,
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Kad sam završila rečenicu,
05:43
this big, burly father-to-be stands up,
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jedan jak, krupan budući otac ustane,
05:47
and I thought for sure he was leaving.
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i bila sam sigurna da odlazi.
05:50
But instead, in a really gruff, commanding way, he says,
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Ali umjesto toga, na grub naredbeni način kaže:
05:53
"Alright, you guys,
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"Dobro, ljudi,
05:55
how many of you have cried during this thing,
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koliko vas je plakalo tijekom te stvari,
05:58
you know, her pregnancy?"
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znate, njezine trudnoće?"
06:01
I scan the class to make sure everybody was OK.
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Bacila sam oko na razred da se uvjerim da su svi dobro.
06:04
They were fine,
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Bili su u redu,
06:05
they were just very intent on what was going to happen next.
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no bili su napeti da vide što će se dogoditi dalje.
06:08
And then, one gentleman raises his hand and says, "I have."
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I tada jedan muškarac digne ruku i kaže: "Ja jesam."
06:12
And then another,
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I tada još jedan,
06:13
and the stories just flowed.
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i priče su samo stizale.
06:17
Even this really quiet gal --
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Čak i jedna šutljiva cura --
06:20
she was the fiancee of one of the expecting moms --
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bila je zaručnica jedne od budućih mama --
06:24
she looks at her and she says,
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pogleda je i kaže:
06:26
"See? I told you my crying was normal too."
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"Vidiš? Rekla sam ti da je i moj plač normalan."
06:30
The class connected,
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Razred se povezao,
06:32
they validated each other,
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shvatili su međusobne vrijednosti
06:34
and we all walked away with a new respect
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i svi smo otišli kući s novim poštovanjem
06:36
for the non-pregnant partners that night.
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za partnere koji nisu trudni.
06:38
For me, that solidified my passion to embrace those tears.
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Meni je to učvrstilo strast da cijenimo te suze.
06:43
Then, it got better.
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Tada je postalo bolje.
06:46
On the last night of that same six-week class,
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Na posljednjoj večeri tog istog šestotjednog tečaja,
06:49
one of the expecting moms came up to me.
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jedna buduća majka mi je prišla.
06:52
She asked to talk to me privately, and I said of course,
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Pitala je da pričamo nasamo i ja sam naravno pristala
06:55
and we went into the corner.
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pa smo otišle u kut.
06:57
And she says,
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I kaže:
06:58
"I need to thank you for saving my relationship."
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"Moram Vam zahvaliti što ste spasili moju vezu."
07:03
I let her go on, and she tells me
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Pustila sam je da nastavi, i kaže mi
07:04
that her husband was considering leaving her
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da je njen muž razmišljao da je napusti
07:07
over her mood swings,
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zbog njenih promjena ponašanja,
07:09
out-of-control crying,
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pretjeranog plakanja
07:11
and his turmoil and anger over this pregnancy.
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i njegovog nemira i ljutnje oko ove trudnoće.
07:15
But he didn't leave.
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Ali nije otišao.
07:17
She went on to tell me that they realized now it's OK to cry.
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Rekla mi je da su shvatili da je normalno plakati.
07:22
And he had told her that when he cries,
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I rekao joj je da kad on plače,
07:25
he doesn't feel as angry.
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više se ne osjeća toliko ljuto.
07:28
Wow!
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Wow!
07:30
Not only did crying bring my class together,
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Ne samo da je plač ujedinio moj razred,
07:33
it kept that couple together.
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nego je održao taj par zajedno.
07:36
And you know, his comment about anger was really, really intriguing to me,
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I znate, njegov komentar o ljutnji me uistinu zaintrigirao
07:40
so I looked around, did some research,
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pa sam malo istražila
07:42
and sure enough, Dr. Oren Hasson,
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i eto dr. Orena Hassona,
07:44
an evolutionary psychologist,
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evolucionarnog psihologa,
07:46
he had some theories about when tears blur our vision,
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koji je imao nekoliko teorija da kad nam suze zamagle vid,
07:51
it really has the ability to, sometimes, reduce our ability to react to that anger.
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doista imaju moć da ponekad smanje našu mogućnost reakcije na tu ljutnju.
07:59
But the tears weren't the anger.
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Ali suze nisu bile ljutnja.
08:01
They were more like the release valve.
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Bile su više poput ispušnog ventila.
08:05
And though many of us, we try to keep those tears inside,
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I iako većina nas suze pokušava zadržati unutra,
08:09
but letting them out really may be the better move.
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pustiti ih van bio bi bolji način postupanja.
08:13
Keeping them inside
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Zadržavanje suza
08:14
can amplify our feelings of anger or sadness.
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može povećati naše osjećaje ljutnje ili tuge.
08:18
And while we're releasing those tears,
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I kad ispuštamo te suze,
08:21
our hormones inside, they're on high alert,
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naši hormoni su na visokom stupnju,
08:24
and we know this
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i to znamo
08:25
because of Dr. William Frey, a biochemist.
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zbog dr. Williama Freya, biokemičara.
08:28
He found that inside of our emotional tears --
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On je spoznao da unutar naših emotivnih suza --
08:31
not our everyday, like, yawning tears,
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ne svakidašnjih, ono, zjevajućih suza,
08:32
but our emotional tears --
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nego baš emotivnih suza --
08:34
there's high concentrations of stress hormones
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postoji velika koncentracija stresnih hormona
08:37
and leucine enkephalins,
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i leucinovih enkefalina,
08:39
which, easier on my tongue, is endorphins.
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ili, lakše za izgovoriti, endorfina.
08:42
And while our stress hormones are helping our bodies out,
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I dok naši hormoni stresa pomažu našem tijelu,
08:45
our endorphins, those feel-good chemicals,
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naš endorfin, kemikalija dobrog osjećaja,
08:48
they're helping to act as a pain reliever
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pomaže smanjiti bolove
08:51
to boost our mood.
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kako bi nam poboljšao raspoloženje.
08:53
Now who wouldn't want that?
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A tko to ne bi htio?
08:55
There are two triggers for the release of endorphins
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Postoje dva razloga zbog kojih se luči endorfin
08:59
for most of us.
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za većinu nas.
09:00
Stress and pain.
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Stres i bol.
09:03
And for a woman giving birth,
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A za ženu koja rađa,
09:05
experiencing both stress and pain,
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koja osjeća i stres i bol,
09:08
endorphins, they are a gift.
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endorfin je dar.
09:11
As the labor progresses,
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I kako porod ide dalje,
09:13
those endorphins will rise to help her with a potentially long labor.
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koncentracija endorfina će se povećati da joj olakša potencijalno dug porod.
09:18
As a result,
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Zbog toga,
09:19
the mom is better able to cope,
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majka se bolje nosi s time
09:21
and she can feel more alert and almost euphoric after the birth.
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i može biti svjesnija i skoro euforična nakon poroda.
09:26
Crying
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Plač
09:28
is just awesome.
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je jednostavno super.
09:29
I wish there was a bigger word.
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Da bar postoji veća riječ.
09:32
Crying offers us an opportunity for physical relief,
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Plač nam pruža priliku za fizičko olakšanje,
09:36
for intimacy between two individuals
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za intimu između dviju osoba
09:39
and ultimately,
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i na kraju krajeva,
09:41
it promotes physical and mental well-being.
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promovira fizičko i mentalno zdravlje.
09:45
And as an expression
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I kao izraz
09:48
of our most intense interior human experiences,
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naših najstresnijih unutrašnjih ljudskih iskustava,
09:54
there is no need to be embarrassed,
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ne trebate se sramiti,
09:57
no need to be ashamed
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nema razloga za sram
09:59
and no need to run away.
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i nema razloga za bježanje od toga.
10:02
We need to have a healthy relationship with crying
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Moramo imati zdrav odnos s plakanjem
10:06
and change the way we view tears.
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i promijeniti način gledanja na suze.
10:08
We see them as overwhelming and scary and confusing,
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Vidimo ih kao porazne, strašne i zbunjujuće,
10:11
when they're really beautiful,
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dok su zapravo predivne,
10:13
soothing and reassuring.
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umirujuće i ublažavajuće.
10:17
They're not to be seen as some screeching alarm bell
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Ne treba ih se gledati kao na neki piskavi alarm
10:19
that something is wrong
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koji označava da nešto nije u redu,
10:22
but rather a natural functionality
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nego kao na prirodnu funkciju
10:26
of our amazing bodies.
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naših nevjerojatnih tijela.
10:30
Crying is as essential to me as breathing.
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Meni je plakanje toliko potrebno koliko i disanje.
10:34
And now, if I'm caught crying on that couch by my wonderful husband,
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I sad, ako me muž zatekne kako plačem na onom kauču,
10:38
who has had to learn way more about crying than he ever wanted to,
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koji je morao naučiti puno više nego je ikad htio o plaču,
10:42
he doesn't run away.
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ne ode od mene.
10:44
He'll ask me why I'm crying,
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Pita me zašto plačem,
10:47
and I'll let him know I just need my release.
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i samo mu kažem da se moram isprazniti.
10:51
He'll take my hand,
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Uzme mi ruku,
10:54
and you know what I'll do?
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i znate što učinim ja?
10:55
I will let it all out.
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Sve izbacim iz sebe.
10:59
And then I'm going to sink into that deep sense of intimacy
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I tada ću zaroniti u onaj dubok osjećaj intime
11:05
and extraordinary sense of relief
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i nevjerojatan osjećaj olakšanja
11:09
that only my tears can bring.
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koji mi mogu donijeti samo moje suze.
11:13
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
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