An aerialist on listening to your body's signals | Adie Delaney

翻译人员: Xinlin Liu 校对人员: Yip Yan Yeung

我坐在这里很自在。

别误会，

我的心跳声这么响， 你居然听不见。

我脑袋里轻飘飘的，

I'm quite comfortable sitting here.

而且我的手有点出汗。

Don't get me wrong,

my heart's beating so loud I'm surprised you can't hear it.

幸运的是，我不仅 已经习惯了这样的感受——

There's a lightness in my head,

我还很享受它们。

and my hand is a little sweaty.

Luckily, I'm not only familiar with these sensations --

（音乐）

在我的高空杂技生涯中，

I enjoy them.

我学会了倾听我身体发出的信号，

(Music)

我身体最重要的任务就是让我活着。

Over my career as an aerialist,

这种发自内心的恐惧感 可以是乐趣的一部分。

I've learned to listen to those signs from my body,

不然为什么我们要坐过山车、

whose most important job is to keep me alive.

看恐怖片、

或者对我来说，在空中飞行？

This visceral sensation of fear can be part of the fun.

但只有在我们有选择的时候， 这些时刻才会很有趣。

Why do you think we go on roller coasters,

那些喜欢看恐怖电影的人因为知道 自己可以移开视线而喜欢它。

watch horror movies

or in my case, fly through the air?

But it will only be fun if we have choice in those moments.

当我在空中摇摆，

去抓身在马戏团帐篷 高处的伙伴的手时，

Those who enjoy horror movies do so when they know they can look away.

如果我相信那个人可以抓住我， 我就可以选择松手。

When I swing through the air

to take the hands of a partner high up in a circus tent,

倾听这些信号是一项 极其重要的生活技能，

ultimately, I have a choice of releasing if I trust that person to catch me.

不仅仅是对于肾上腺素 上瘾的我来说如此。

如果我们不知道如何倾听并回应 我们对于恐惧的警告信号，

Listening to these signs is an incredibly important life skill,

and not just for adrenaline junkies like me.

我们就有风险被应激反应冲昏头脑， 不知该战斗、逃跑或是愣在原地。

If we don't know how to listen and respond to our warning signs of fear,

当我在教马戏时，

我看到我的学生 每天都在经历这些感觉，

we risk being overwhelmed

by a fight, flight or freeze stress response.

当他们有这些感觉时，

这是一个谈论它们的独特机会，

When teaching circus,

让他们承认并相信这些感受，

I see my students feel these sensations every day,

包括在感觉不对劲时如何说“不”。

and when they do,

there's a unique opportunity to talk about them,

这打下了重要的基础， 让我们可以在其他

to acknowledge and trust those feelings,

不吓人或尴尬的地方 谈论我们的身体。

including how to say no when something doesn't feel right.

这是正常的，也是预料之中的。

This is a great foundation

for communication about our bodies elsewhere

因为我不仅仅是在教马戏技巧，

that isn't scary or awkward.

我是在教你如何同意。

It's normal and expected.

除了教马戏，

Because the truth is I'm not just teaching circus skills;

我有幸每年与数百名 年轻人一起工作，

I'm teaching consent.

我的身份是一名 性伤害预防教育者。

Alongside teaching circus,

I have the privilege of working with hundreds of young people each year

我听他们亲自述说故事，

并从数据和经历中得知，

in my role as a sexual harm prevention educator.

大多数的受害者认识施暴者，

I hear their stories firsthand,

并且青少年遭受 亲密伴侣暴力的比率很高，

and know from statistics and experience

that the majority of survivors know their abuser

意思是他们当时的约会对象。

年轻人想知道 如何相互谈论亲密关系。

and teenagers experience high rates of intimate partner violence,

我越是帮助青少年理解性同意，

that is, from someone they're dating.

Young people want to know how to talk to each other about intimacy.

我越是意识到学习高空杂技 可以引导我们在地面上的生活。

The more I help teenagers understand sexual consent,

所以，让我解释一下“通过 马戏团教会你同意”是什么意思。

the more I realize learning aerial can help us navigate life on the ground.

让我们想象一下 这是你第一次在高空秋千上。

So let me explain what I mean by teaching consent through circus.

通常来说，指导会是：

“好，你要把腿挂在杆子上，

Let's imagine it's your first time on a trapeze.

用手沿着绳子往上爬，

拉着你自己坐下，

Usual instruction might go something like,

并且不要松手。”

这种方法是在没有完全 与对方确认的情况下

"OK, you're going to hook your legs over the bar,

推动事情向前发展。

climb your hands up the ropes,

pull yourself to sit

并专注于我想从他们那里得到什么。

and don't let go."

This approach is driving something forward without fully checking in with the person

我告诉他们如何以及何时移动身体，

不管他们感到舒适还是恐惧。

and is focused on what I want from them.

这通常会导致 害怕的初学者永远不会再来。

I'm telling them how to move their body and when,

regardless of their comfort or fear.

与此同时，我现在和学生们谈话的方式

会给人更多的关怀，

This often results in terrified beginners who never come back.

确保他们充分了解状况，

准备好，

Meanwhile, the way I now talk to my students

并被考虑进了对话中。

gives a lot more care to the person,

艾迪·德莱尼（Adie Delaney）： 你感觉怎么样？

学生：很不错。

ensuring they're fully informed,

艾迪·德莱尼：我觉得你可能 可以做到。你想试试看吗？

ready

and part of the conversation.

学生：好的。 艾迪·德莱尼：很好，就是这样。

艾迪·德莱尼：对， 但是你脚的内侧，

Adie Delaney: How do you feel about it? Student: Really good.

很好，就是这样。

AD: I feel like you could probably do it. Want to have a go?

很好，你感觉如何？

学生：很棒。 艾迪·德莱尼：很棒，那就好。

Student: OK. AD: That's it, yes.

就是这样，我现在要 把我的手放在你的背上——

AD: Yes, but the inside of your foot.

That's it, yes.

好了，

Nice. How does that feel?

我现在要抓住你的腿， 然后把手放在这里。

Student: Perfect. AD: Perfect, good.

你觉得把手放在杆子上安全吗？

That's it, I'm going to put my hand on your back --

我扶着你。

你觉得这样如何，还可以吗？

There you go.

I'm going to hold onto your leg, then I'm going to put my hand here.

学生：还好？

艾迪·德莱尼：你看，我可以 防止你前后摆动，看到了吗？

Do you feel safe to put your hand on the bar?

喔，我扶住你了！

I got you.

（画外音） 艾迪·德莱尼：这样的语言，

How's that for you, OK?

诸如“你感觉如何？”

Student: Yeah?

“你觉得我手放在这里可以吗？”

AD: Look, I can stop you going forwards and backwards, see?

可以帮助马戏演员成功。

Woo, I got you!

(Voice-over) AD: This type of language,

我相信这同时也减少了事故风险，

like "How are you feeling?

因为我的学生相信我

Are you OK with my hand here?"

helps circus performers succeed.

并且能够根据他们的感受做出动作，

不论何时。

I believe it also reduces the risk of accidents,

这种明确性在以后的 生活中是必需的，

as a result of my students trusting

如果有人想要性亲密，

and being able to act on what they're feeling

at any given moment.

但因为这不是 我们互动中常有的部分，

This specificity is required later in life

这可能让人感到尴尬，

if and when someone wants sexual intimacy,

所以人们可能认为 少说点会比较容易。

but because it's not a normal part of our interactions,

但是少说可能会导致模棱两可、

it can feel so awkward,

导致问题或者潜在的性虐待。

and people might think it's easier to say less.

当然，同意的语言 没有具体的脚本。

But saying less can lead to ambiguity,

problems and potentially, abuse.

你同意的语气和语言 都是独一无二的。

There is of course no specific script for the language of consent.

这只是对我们的词汇 进行了一次简单的重组，

The tone and words will be unique to you.

以便在我们与他人身体亲密 互动的任何时候有选择。

It's just a slight reframing of our lexicon to inject choice

比如，

当我谈论我的感受时用“我”，

any time we're interacting with others' bodies intimately

当涉及到另一个人时， 多用疑问句，而不是陈述句。

or otherwise.

For example,

当讨论亲密关系时，

using "I" when I'm talking about what I'm feeling,

一些询问，比如“这样感觉好吗？”

and questions more than statements when it involves the other person.

“你喜欢这样吗？”

除了让你的伴侣知道 你需要什么、想要什么、喜欢什么，

When discussing intimacy,

check-ins like "Does that feel good?

也能帮助我们获得 印象深刻的经历，

Do you like that?"

并且不会后悔。

in addition to letting your partner know what you need, want and like,

我们需要扩大对同意的理解，

helps us have experiences we remember fondly

并开始把它当作一个动词，

而不是一个名词。

and have no regrets about.

同意是主动的、持续的意见一致，

We need to broaden our understanding of consent

而不是打勾就了事的复选框。

and start thinking of it as a verb,

not a noun.

当我们和年轻人说话时，

To consent is an active, ongoing agreement,

我们有机会向他们展示

关心他人是什么感觉，

not a checkbox to be ticked.

以他们的感受为首， 确认和尊重他们。

When talking to young people,

we have an opportunity to show them

what it's like to communicate with care for another person,

如果我们让同意在各处日常化，

checking in and respecting them as the authority on what they're feeling.

当某人准备好进行性体验时，

他们会知道他们可以问问题，

If we normalize consent everywhere,

可以随时停止，

by the time someone is ready for a sexual experience,

最重要的是，

可以享受这一过程。

they will know that they're allowed to ask questions,

孩子是我们的未来，

他们学会用我们照顾 他们的方式照顾别人。

stop at any time,

and most importantly,

性同意不一定会扫兴，

to enjoy themselves.

Children are our future,

也不一定得是一次谈话。

and they will learn to give care in the ways we give care.

就像马戏里一样，它可以是愉悦的、 有趣的、令人兴奋的。

Sexual consent doesn't have to be a mood killer

我们的亲密体验不该只是安全的，

or "the talk" either.

Like circus, it can be joyful, fun and exciting.

而是要像在空中飞翔一样激动人心。

谢谢。

Our intimate experiences should not only be safe,

but as thrilling as flying through the air.

Thank you.