An aerialist on listening to your body's signals | Adie Delaney

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Man Chun Ma

I'm quite comfortable sitting here.

坐在這裡我挺舒適的。

Don't get me wrong,

別誤會了，

my heart's beating so loud I'm surprised you can't hear it.

我的心跳大聲到 我很訝異你們竟然聽不見。

There's a lightness in my head,

我有點頭暈，

and my hand is a little sweaty.

我的手有點冒汗。

Luckily, I'm not only familiar with these sensations --

幸運的是，我不僅 很熟悉這些感覺——

I enjoy them.

我還很享受它們。

(Music)

（音樂）

Over my career as an aerialist,

在高空特技演員的職涯中，

I've learned to listen to those signs from my body,

我已經學會了聆聽 我身體的那些徵兆，

whose most important job is to keep me alive.

它們最重要的工作就是要讓我活著。

This visceral sensation of fear can be part of the fun.

這種發自內心的恐懼 也可以成為樂趣的一部分。

Why do you think we go on roller coasters,

你們覺得我們為何去 坐雲霄飛車、看恐怖片，

watch horror movies

or in my case, fly through the air?

或像我這樣，在空中飛？

But it will only be fun if we have choice in those moments.

但有樂趣的前題是， 在那些時刻我們必須有選擇的權利。

Those who enjoy horror movies do so when they know they can look away.

喜歡看恐怖片的人知道他們 可以偏過頭不要看所以才去看。

When I swing through the air

當我從空中盪過去抓 在馬戲團帳篷高處搭擋的手，

to take the hands of a partner high up in a circus tent,

ultimately, I have a choice of releasing if I trust that person to catch me.

我最終也是可以選擇放開桿子，

因為我相信對方會接住我。

Listening to these signs is an incredibly important life skill,

聆聽那些徵兆， 是非常重要的人生技能，

and not just for adrenaline junkies like me.

且不只是針對我這種 腎上腺素癮君子而言。

If we don't know how to listen and respond to our warning signs of fear,

如果我們不知道如何聆聽

及如何回應我們對恐懼的警訊，

we risk being overwhelmed

就會有被「反擊、逃跑、 凍結不動」壓力反應

by a fight, flight or freeze stress response.

給壓到喘不過氣的風險。

When teaching circus,

在教馬戲團時，

I see my students feel these sensations every day,

我天天都會看到我學生的這些感受，

and when they do,

此時，

there's a unique opportunity to talk about them,

就是談論這些感受，

認識及相信這些感受的獨特機會，

to acknowledge and trust those feelings,

including how to say no when something doesn't feel right.

包括在感覺不對時要如何說「不」。

This is a great foundation

這是很棒的基礎，

for communication about our bodies elsewhere

可以在一個並不可怕或尷尬情況下

that isn't scary or awkward.

去溝通我們身體各個部分的感受。

It's normal and expected.

是正常且可預期的。

Because the truth is I'm not just teaching circus skills;

因為，事實是， 我不只教馬戲團技能；

I'm teaching consent.

我也在教「同意」。

Alongside teaching circus,

除了教馬戲團之外，

I have the privilege of working with hundreds of young people each year

我也很榮幸每年能與 數百名年輕人合作，

in my role as a sexual harm prevention educator.

及扮演性傷害預防教育家的角色。

I hear their stories firsthand,

我能直接聽到他們的故事，

and know from statistics and experience

並從統計數字和經驗知道

that the majority of survivors know their abuser

大部分的倖存者 認識對他們施虐的人，

and teenagers experience high rates of intimate partner violence,

且青少年很常受到 親密另一半的暴力相待，

that is, from someone they're dating.

也就是他們約會的對象。

Young people want to know how to talk to each other about intimacy.

年輕人想要知道 如何彼此談親密行為。

The more I help teenagers understand sexual consent,

我越是協助青少年了解 「同意發生性關係」，

the more I realize learning aerial can help us navigate life on the ground.

我越清楚，學習高空特技能協助 我們在地面的生活中找到方向。

So let me explain what I mean by teaching consent through circus.

讓我解釋一下我所謂透過馬戲團 來教導同意是什麼意思。

Let's imagine it's your first time on a trapeze.

想像一下，這是你 第一次上高空鞦韆。

Usual instruction might go something like,

通常會用的指示包括如

"OK, you're going to hook your legs over the bar,

「好，你要把你的雙腿勾在桿上，

climb your hands up the ropes,

雙手沿繩子向上爬，

pull yourself to sit

把你自己拉到坐姿，且不要放手。」

and don't let go."

This approach is driving something forward without fully checking in with the person

這種方式就是不停向前推進，

但沒有完全確認當事人狀況，

and is focused on what I want from them.

且焦點是在我想要他們做什麼。

I'm telling them how to move their body and when,

我告訴他們如何動身體以及何時動，

regardless of their comfort or fear.

不論他們感到舒適或恐懼。

This often results in terrified beginners who never come back.

結果通常是初學者會被嚇壞， 再也不會回來上課。

Meanwhile, the way I now talk to my students

現在我和學生說話的方法

gives a lot more care to the person,

會更關心到當事人，

ensuring they're fully informed,

確保他們充分了解，

ready

準備好，

and part of the conversation.

且參與談話。

Adie Delaney: How do you feel about it? Student: Really good.

講者：你覺得如何？ 學生：很好。

講者：我覺得你可以辦到。想試嗎？ 學生：好。

AD: I feel like you could probably do it. Want to have a go?

講者：就是這樣，對。 但要在腳的內側。

Student: OK. AD: That's it, yes.

AD: Yes, but the inside of your foot.

That's it, yes.

就是這樣，對。

Nice. How does that feel?

很好。覺得如何？

Student: Perfect. AD: Perfect, good.

學生：非常好。 講者：太好了，很好。

That's it, I'm going to put my hand on your back --

就是這樣，我要把 我的手放在你的背上——

There you go.

對了。我會抓住你的腳， 把我的手放在這裡。

I'm going to hold onto your leg, then I'm going to put my hand here.

你把手放在桿子上有安全感嗎？

Do you feel safe to put your hand on the bar?

我會扶住你。

I got you.

How's that for you, OK?

你覺得如何，可以嗎？ 學生：可以？

Student: Yeah?

講者：我可以防止你向前 和向後倒，看到了嗎？

AD: Look, I can stop you going forwards and backwards, see?

嗚，我會扶住你！

Woo, I got you!

(Voice-over) AD: This type of language,

（旁白）講者：這種說法，

like "How are you feeling?

比如「你覺得如何？

Are you OK with my hand here?"

我的手在這裡你覺得可以嗎？」

helps circus performers succeed.

能協助馬戲團表演者獲得成功。

I believe it also reduces the risk of accidents,

我相信這種說法 也能減少意外的風險，

as a result of my students trusting

因為我的學生能信任我

and being able to act on what they're feeling

且任何時候都能根據 他們的感受來行動。

at any given moment.

This specificity is required later in life

在人生後續也會需要這種明確性，

if and when someone wants sexual intimacy,

當如果有人想要 親密性行為時就會用到，

but because it's not a normal part of our interactions,

但因為這不是我們互動中的常態，

it can feel so awkward,

我們可能會覺得很尷尬，

and people might think it's easier to say less.

大家可能會認為少說點反而較輕鬆。

But saying less can lead to ambiguity,

但少說點可能會導致沒說清楚，

problems and potentially, abuse.

造成問題，甚至可能造成虐待。

There is of course no specific script for the language of consent.

當然，表達同意與否本來就 沒有明確制定的用語。

The tone and words will be unique to you.

要用什麼語調和說詞會因人而異。

It's just a slight reframing of our lexicon to inject choice

只是稍稍調整我們的語彙，

就能給予對方選擇權，

any time we're interacting with others' bodies intimately

無論是當我們和他人的身體 有親密互動，或其他互動也好。

or otherwise.

For example,

比如，

using "I" when I'm talking about what I'm feeling,

當我在說我的感受時，要用「我」，

and questions more than statements when it involves the other person.

如果涉及對方時， 多用問題，少用陳述。

When discussing intimacy,

討論親密行為時，

check-ins like "Does that feel good?

可以做些確認，如「這樣感覺好嗎？

Do you like that?"

你喜歡那樣嗎？」

in addition to letting your partner know what you need, want and like,

除了讓你的另一半知道 你需要、想要、喜歡什麼之外，

helps us have experiences we remember fondly

也能幫助我們留下美好的記憶，

and have no regrets about.

沒有後悔。

We need to broaden our understanding of consent

我們需要擴大我們對同意的了解，

and start thinking of it as a verb,

開始把它當作一個動詞，

not a noun.

不是一個名詞。

To consent is an active, ongoing agreement,

同意是主動且持續的協議，

not a checkbox to be ticked.

不是一個要打勾的格子。

When talking to young people,

和年輕人談話時，

we have an opportunity to show them

我們有機會可以教他們

what it's like to communicate with care for another person,

在溝通時，若能關心對方、 確認對方狀況、

checking in and respecting them as the authority on what they're feeling.

尊重對方的感受，會是什麼樣子的。

If we normalize consent everywhere,

如果我們讓同意成為常態，

by the time someone is ready for a sexual experience,

當某個人準備好要體驗性行為時，

they will know that they're allowed to ask questions,

他們就會知道他們有權問問題，

stop at any time,

有權在任何時候喊停，

and most importantly,

且最重要的是，

to enjoy themselves.

有權享受自己。

Children are our future,

孩子是我們的未來，

and they will learn to give care in the ways we give care.

他們會從我們關心他人的方式 來學習怎麼關心他人。

Sexual consent doesn't have to be a mood killer

「同意發生性關係」不必是情調殺手

or "the talk" either.

或「那種談話」。

Like circus, it can be joyful, fun and exciting.

和馬戲團一樣，

它也可以很有趣、好玩、刺激。

Our intimate experiences should not only be safe,

我們的親密體驗不應該只是安全的，

but as thrilling as flying through the air.

還應該是像在空中飛翔 一樣令人興奮的。

Thank you.

謝謝。