Robert A. Belle: The emotions behind your money habits | TED

157,895 views ・ 2021-07-28

TED


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I am an accountant with a numbers problem.
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I mean, I'm good with numbers and using them to report what's happening,
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but I'm also concerned with the full story behind those numbers,
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the part that gets lost in translation,
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the part that numbers can't quite tell,
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the story that goes deeper
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than mere strategies for saving and earning money.
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And without that story, I don't think I'm doing my job well.
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That's why I've dedicated my career
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to figuring out how my work as an accountant
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can tell stories about people,
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stories that will ultimately help them improve their lives.
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Let me explain.
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It all started when someone told me, "You're obsessed with chocolate."
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And I was like, "What? No, I'm not."
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But then I wondered, could I be in denial about my own obsession?
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Was I actually spending a lot of money on chocolate but blind to it?
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Well, here was a chance for me to test this theory.
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Using my accountant lens,
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off I went tracking my spending on chocolate --
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and there it was,
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my love for chocolate.
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I was spending about 50 dollars a month on chocolate,
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especially in months when I was overstressed
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and months when I was overjoyed.
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Analyzing my expenses helped me to understand
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that I had an emotional pattern where when I'm struggling or celebrating,
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I binge on chocolate.
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I had struggled with my weight for a very long time
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and I was convinced that my diet was not the problem.
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I was convinced that it was my lack of effort in exercise,
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and certainly not chocolate.
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Tracking my spending on chocolate, though,
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helped me realize that I was afraid of facing myself in the mirror,
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literally and figuratively,
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and that I lack the courage to deal with the real problem, my diet.
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So I continued to exercise,
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but devoted less time to it
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and instead shifted my focus and energy towards developing a more healthful diet.
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That year I lost 50 pounds.
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Our relationship with money represents our relationship with life.
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The accounting of my own chocolate behavior
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told me the story of my own denial.
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I realized that perhaps I could also help my clients
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see what they were overlooking in their own lives
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and help them realize their own emotional patterns
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through their tracking and spending of their expenses.
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So I started to pay close attention to the story behind my clients' expenses
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that may be hidden to them.
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One of my clients, a critical care nurse,
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was convinced that her personal budget was reasonable
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and expenses justifiable.
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She had struggled to build up her savings
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and I noticed that she had minimal records of her expenses.
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I suggested to her that her lack of savings
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could be due to more than just a gap in her financial knowledge
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and offered to help identify the problem.
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I encouraged her to start tracking and charting her expenses.
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After a few months, her financial records revealed
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that most of her spending was on expensive clothing and shoes.
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As we sat together, she was genuinely surprised
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to see just how much of her budget was going towards fashion.
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She remarked, "Wow, these are impulsive purchases, aren't they?
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I guess I didn't realize that."
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She analyzed further and realized that she was buying clothes
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in an attempt to impress and appear successful to her friends.
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And also when her confidence was low, buying clothes temporarily boosted it.
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She told me that buying clothing was her attempt
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to find meaning in life and feel valued.
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She sighed, and she set a goal for herself and her finances.
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Six months later, she called me to tell me she had saved a bunch of money
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by reducing her spending on shopping
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and instead choosing to exercise when she felt the urge to shop.
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She's much happier around her friends.
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Three years later, home ownership is on the horizon.
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Sometimes, though,
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charting expenses may not reveal something specific,
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as a chocolate addiction or shopping problem,
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but what it reveals can be just as valuable.
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A marketing strategist and upcoming musician
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needed help with her taxes.
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When I met with her, I immediately took note of the fear in her face
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as she looked through her records and expenses.
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I checked in with her and she expressed to me
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that some things in her life didn't quite seem to work out,
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including her relationships.
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She was afraid of facing how much money she was about to lose after taxes.
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As we continued talking about her finances,
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she started to notice a connection between her fear of losing money
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and her fear of losing relationships.
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She went on to tell me that she was afraid of committing to anyone
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because she didn't want to get hurt.
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She expressed that she had not been close to anyone in over seven years
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because she feared failure.
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And maybe she might have an avoidance strategy
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around both her money and her relationships.
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It's been six years since I first help her chart her finances,
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and she's still consistently keeping up with her spreadsheet.
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As she confronted her personal accounting
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and grew her savings in advance of each tax season,
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she developed less fear of loss and grew more open to relationships.
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She tells me that she even has the courage
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to walk away from a relationship when it's not serving her.
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She recently told me,
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"My spreadsheet is basically a story of my life's progression
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and I can see it through the numbers.”
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I believe we can all do this type of audit of our own financial behavior
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and that we can learn surprising things about ourselves
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through tracking and charting our expenses.
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Here's how.
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Number one, take a look at your bank statement
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for the last six months
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and categorize the expenses by type
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for a more holistic view.
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For example,
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your spending on shopping versus transport versus entertainment.
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Number two, when an expensive pattern emerges,
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see what that pattern says about yourself.
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Be curious and inquisitive.
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At first, it may not be that obvious,
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but asking yourself what led you to make that choice in a given moment
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can provide some clues.
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Do you buy pizza every Wednesday night
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because that's when you're too tired to cook after a stressful weekly meeting?
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Number three, observe if there are any line items
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that you are shocked by in terms of value or volume
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and see what patterns emerge.
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For example, did you buy that new smartphone
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just before a major function or event
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so that your friends would notice?
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Or do you tell yourself you only take taxis late at night,
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but then realize that you're taking way more taxes every month
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than you thought?
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Are you working late more than you thought?
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There's so much that we can learn about ourselves
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if we take the time to look.
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And sometimes our money knows us better than we know ourselves.
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Tracking our finances can reveal what we are in denial of,
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our hidden biases,
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our fears and what might be holding us back.
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Though it can be difficult and uncomfortable
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to take a good, hard look at our financial behavior,
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it can reveal some deep emotional truths.
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Some truths that can help us re-evaluate our careers,
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our relationships and our priorities.
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So give it a try. The payoff could be huge.
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Thank you.
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