James Forbes: Compassion at the dinner table

24,433 views ・ 2015-07-17

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Compassion:
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what does it look like?
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Come with me to 915 South Bloodworth Street
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in Raleigh, North Carolina, where I grew up.
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If you come in you will see us: evening time,
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at table -- set for ten but not always all seats filled --
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at the point when dinner is ready to be served.
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Since mom had eight kids,
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sometimes she said she couldn't tell who was who and where they were.
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Before we could eat, she would ask,
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"Are all the children in?"
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And if someone happened to be missing,
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we would have to, we say, "Fix a plate" for that person, put it in the oven,
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then we could say grace, and we could eat.
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Also, while we were at the table,
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there was a ritual in our family:
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when something significant had happened for any one of us --
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whether mom had just been elected as the president of the PTA,
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or whether dad had gotten an assignment at the college of our denomination,
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or whether someone had won the jabberwocky contest for talent --
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the ritual at the family was, once the announcement is made,
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we must take five, ten minutes to do what we call "make over" that person --
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that is, to make a fuss over the one who had been honored in some way.
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For when one is honored, all are honored.
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Also, we had to make a report on our extended "visited" members,
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that is, extended members of the family,
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sick and elderly, shut in.
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My task was, at least once a week, to visit Mother Lassiter
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who lived on East Street,
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Mother Williamson who lived on Bledsoe Avenue,
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and Mother Lathers who lived on Oberlin Road.
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Why? Because they were old and infirm,
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and we needed to go by to see if they needed anything.
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For mom said, "To be family, is to care and share and to look out for one another.
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They are our family."
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And, of course, sometimes there was a bonus for going.
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They would offer sweets or money.
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Mom says, "If they ask you what it costs to either go shopping for them,
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you must always say, 'Nothing.'
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And if they insist, say, 'Whatever you mind to give me.'"
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This was the nature of being at that table.
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In fact, she indicated that if we would do that,
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not only would we have the joy of receiving the gratitude
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from the members of the extended family,
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but she said, "Even God will smile, and when God smiles,
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there is peace, and justice, and joy."
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So, at the table at 915, I learned something about compassion.
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Of course, it was a minister's family,
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so we had to add God into it.
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And so, I came to think that mama eternal, mama eternal,
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is always wondering: Are all the children in?
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And if we had been faithful in caring and sharing,
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we had the sense that justice and peace would have a chance in the world.
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Now, it was not always wonderful at that table.
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Let me explain a point at which we did not rise to the occasion.
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It was Christmas, and at our family, oh, what a morning.
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Christmas morning, where we open up our gifts,
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where we have special prayers, and where we get to the old upright piano
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and we would sing carols. It was a very intimate moment.
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In fact, you could come down to the tree to get your gifts and get ready to sing,
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and then get ready for breakfast without even taking a bath or getting dressed,
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except that daddy messed it up.
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There was a member of his staff who did not have any place
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on that particular Christmas to celebrate.
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And daddy brought Elder Revels to the Christmas family celebration.
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We thought he must be out of his mind.
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This is our time. This is intimate time.
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This is when we can just be who we are,
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and now we have this stuffy brother
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with his shirt and tie on, while we are still in our PJs.
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Why would daddy bring Elder Revels?
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Any other time, but not to the Christmas celebration.
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And mom overheard us and said,
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"Well, you know what? If you really understand the nature of this celebration,
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it is that this is a time where you extend the circle of love.
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That's what the celebration is all about.
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It's time to make space, to share the enjoyment of life in a beloved community."
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So, we sucked up.
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(Laughter)
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But growing up at 915, compassion was not a word to be debated;
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it was a sensibility to how we are together.
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We are sisters and brothers united together.
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And, like Chief Seattle said, "We did not spin the web of life.
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We're all strands in it.
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And whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves."
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Now that's compassion.
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So, let me tell you, I kind of look at the world this way.
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I see pictures, and something says, "Now, that's compassion."
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A harvested field of grain, with some grain in the corners,
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reminding me of the Hebrew tradition
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that you may indeed harvest,
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but you must always leave some on the edges,
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just in case there's someone who has not
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had the share necessary for good nurture.
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Talk about a picture of compassion.
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I see -- always, it stirs my heart --
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a picture of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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walking arm in arm with Andy Young and Rabbi Heschel
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and maybe Thich Nhat Hanh and some of the other saints assembled,
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walking across the bridge and going into Selma.
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Just a photograph.
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Arm in arm for struggle.
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Suffering together in a common hope that we can be brothers and sisters
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without the accidents of our birth or our ethnicity
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robbing us of a sense of unity of being.
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So, there's another picture. Here, this one. I really do like this picture.
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When Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated,
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that day, everybody in my community was upset.
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You heard about riots all across the land.
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Bobby Kennedy was scheduled to bring an inner city message in Indianapolis.
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This is the picture. They said,
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"It's going to be too volatile for you to go."
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He insisted, "I must go."
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So, sitting on a flatbed truck,
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the elders of the community are there,
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and Bobby stands up and says to the people,
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"I have bad news for you.
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Some of you may not have heard that Dr. King has been assassinated.
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I know that you are angry,
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and I know that you would almost wish to have the opportunity
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to enter now into activities of revenge. But,"
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he said, "what I really want you to know is that I know how you feel.
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Because I had someone dear to me snatched away.
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I know how you feel."
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And he said, "I hope that you will have the strength to do what I did.
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I allowed my anger, my bitterness, my grief to simmer a while,
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and then I made up my mind that I was going to make a different world,
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and we can do that together."
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That's a picture. Compassion? I think I see it.
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I saw it when the Dalai Lama came to the Riverside Church while I was a pastor,
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and he invited representatives of faith traditions from all around the world.
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He asked them to give a message,
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and they each read in their own language a central affirmation,
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and that was some version of the golden rule:
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"As you would that others would do unto you,
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do also unto them."
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Twelve in their ecclesiastical or cultural or tribal attire
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affirming one message.
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We are so connected that we must treat each other
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as if an action toward you is an action toward myself.
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One more picture while I'm stinking and thinking about the Riverside Church:
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9/11. Last night at Chagrin Fall,
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a newspaperman and a television guy said,
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"That evening, when a service was held at the Riverside Church,
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we carried it on our station in this city.
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It was," he said, "one of the most powerful moments of life together.
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We were all suffering.
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But you invited representatives of all of the traditions to come,
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and you invited them.
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'Find out what it is in your tradition
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that tells us what to do when we have been humiliated,
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when we have been despised and rejected.'
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And they all spoke out of their own traditions,
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a word about the healing power of solidarity, one with the other."
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I developed a sense of compassion sort of as second nature,
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but I became a preacher.
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Now, as a preacher, I got a job. I got to preach the stuff,
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but I got to do it too.
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Or, as Father Divine in Harlem used to say to folks,
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"Some people preach the Gospel.
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I have to tangibilitate the Gospel."
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So, the real issue is: How do you tangibilitate compassion?
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How do you make it real?
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My faith has constantly lifted up the ideal,
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and challenged me when I fell beneath it.
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In my tradition, there is a gift that we have made to other traditions --
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to everybody around the world who knows the story of the "Good Samaritan."
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Many people think of it primarily in terms of charity,
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random acts of kindness.
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But for those who really study that text a little more thoroughly,
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you will discover that a question has been raised
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that leads to this parable.
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The question was: "What is the greatest commandment?"
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And, according to Jesus, the word comes forth,
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"You must love yourself,
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you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul,
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and your neighbor as yourself."
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And then the person asked, "Well, what do you mean, 'neighbor?'"
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And he answered it by telling the story of the man who fell among thieves,
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and how religious authorities went the other way,
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and how their supporters in the congregation went the other way;
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but an unsuspecting, despised person came along,
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saw the man in need,
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provided oil and wine for his wounds,
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put him on his own transportation,
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and took him to the inn
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and asked the innkeeper, "Take care of him."
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And he said, "Here, this is the initial investment,
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but if needs continue, make sure that you provide them.
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And whatever else is needed, I will provide it and pay for it when I return."
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This always seemed to me to be a deepening
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of the sense of what it means to be a Good Samaritan.
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A Good Samaritan is not simply one whose heart is touched
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in an immediate act of care and charity,
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but one who provides a system of sustained care -- I like that,
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'a system of sustained care ' -- in the inn, take care.
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I think maybe it's one time when the Bible talks about a healthcare system
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and a commitment to do whatever is necessary --
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that all God's children would have their needs cared for,
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so that we could answer when mommy eternal asks, "In regards to health,
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are all the children in?" And we could say yes.
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Oh, what a joy it has been to be a person seeking to tangibilitate compassion.
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I recall that my work as a pastor
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has always involved caring for their spiritual needs;
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being concerned for housing, for healthcare,
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for the prisoners, for the infirm, for children --
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even the foster care children for whom no one can even keep a record
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where they started off, where they are going.
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To be a pastor is to care for these individual needs.
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But now, to be a Good Samaritan -- and I always say,
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and to be a good American -- for me,
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is not simply to congratulate myself for the individual acts of care.
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Compassion takes on a corporate dynamic.
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I believe that whatever we did around that table at Bloodworth Street
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must be done around tables and rituals of faith
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until we become that family, that family together
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that understands the nature of our unity.
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We are one people together.
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So, let me explain to you what I mean when I think about compassion,
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and why I think it is so important that right at this point in history.
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We would decide to establish this charter of compassion.
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The reason it's important is because this is a very special time in history.
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It is the time that, biblically, we would speak of as
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the day, or the year, of God's favor.
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This is a season of grace.
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Unusual things are beginning to happen.
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Please pardon me, as a black man, for celebrating
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that the election of Obama was an unusual sign
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of the fact that it is a year of favor.
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And yet, there is so much more that needs to be done.
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We need to bring health and food and education
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and respect for all God's citizens, all God's children,
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remembering mama eternal.
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Now, let me close my comments by telling you
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that whenever I feel something very deeply,
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it usually takes the form of verse.
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And so I want to close with a little song.
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I close with this song -- it's a children's song --
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because we are all children at the table of mama eternal.
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And if mama eternal has taught us correctly,
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this song will make sense, not only to those of us who are a part of this gathering,
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but to all who sign the charter for compassion.
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And this is why we do it.
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The song says, ♫ "I made heaven so happy today, ♫
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♫ Receiving God's love and giving it away ♫
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♫ When I looked up, heaven smiled at me ♫
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♫ Now, I'm so happy. Can't you see? ♫
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♫ I'm happy. Look at me. I'm happy. Can't you see? ♫
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♫ Sharing makes me happy, makes heaven happy too ♫
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♫ I'm happy. Look at me. I'm happy. Can't you see? ♫
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♫ Let me share my happy loving smile with you. ♫
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That's compassion. (Applause)
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