How To Be Polite In English

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To be ‘polite’ means to have or show behaviour that is respectful and considerate to other

people. Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ is a very basic way of being polite but as

usual for the English language, it’s not always so simple.

There are many situations, like at work or on the phone, when you might need to be polite

in English. Today, we’re going to focus on one a tense which you can use in these

situations. Now if tenses make you tense. Don’t panic, I have something special for

you to relieve that tension. I have a FREE MINI COURSE: English Tenses 101, just provide

your name and email address via the link below and I will send the course to you.

Right let’s look at how to be polite.

Person 1: “Did you want sugar in your tea?” Person 2: “Did you need help with anything?”

Person 3: “Did you want to order a drink?”

The past simple tense is used to discuss things that have already happened; they happened

in the past and are now finished. The past simple tense is formed using the past tense

version of verbs. Here are some regular examples: 
Walk becomes

walked. “We walked around the park.” 
Live becomes lived. “I lived in London for a

year.”
Wait becomes waited. “I waited for the postman but he did not arrive.”

Here are some irregular examples: 
Go becomes went. “We went to the cinema.”
Give

becomes gave. “I gave her my phone to call her dad.”
Do becomes did. “He did his

homework.”

This verb is the one that we’re going to be focusing on today: Did. ‘Did’ can be

used in the interrogative form of the past simple tense. For example: “Did you see

anything suspicious?”. That would refer to whether or not you have seen anything suspicious

in the past. However, sometimes this same sentence structure is used to ask about things

in the present. Person 1: “Did you want sugar in your tea?”
Person

2: “Yes, I do.” Do you see the problem? The question is in

the past tense, as if it is referring to a decision which was made earlier, but it really

means ‘Do you want sugar in your tea?’. This happens a lot in English when somebody

would like to be polite while asking someone if they ‘want’ or ‘need’ something.

It can be used when talking about a desire or preference one has in the present.

Person 1: “Did you need help with anything?”
Person 2: “No thank you. I think I understand.”

Person 1: “Did you want to order a drink?”
Person 2: “Yes please. I’ll have a cup of coffee.”

So why do we do it? Unfortunately, this is one of those times in the English Language

when ‘we just do’! There is no logical or concrete reason why so many people do this

but here is my guess and what many linguists believe to be true.

Often, when trying to be polite in British culture, we try to be as indirect as possible.

Saying ‘What do you want?’ is very direct. It puts a lot of emphasis on making an immediate

decision and on the listener being responsible or at fault. Instead you could say ‘Did

you want anything?’ Or ‘Did you need anything?’. Placing the question in the past tense makes

it feel less immediate or pressing. By making the question less direct, you also make it

feel less confrontational and more polite.

There are other times when we use the past tense for present events in order to sound

more polite. Now we are talking about the past continuous tense.

Person 1: “I was wondering if you could give me some advice.”

Person 2: “We were hoping you would stay for dinner.”

Person 3: “I was thinking you could go to London.”

The past continuous tense is made up of the pronoun, the verb ‘to be’ in the past

tense (was or were) and a verb in the gerund form with an -ing ending. This is used to

discuss something which is ongoing and temporary. Again, it is effective in ensuring politeness

because it makes the sentence feel far less direct or the demand to feel less confrontational.

For example: “Give me some advice” is a command, whereas “I was wondering if you

could give me some advice” is far more polite and indirect. Yes, it uses many more words

and is more difficult to say but if you can master this lesson and use it in your everyday

vocabulary, it will help you to sound more natural and polite.

Before you go, you’ve got some homework to do. I’d like you to write a short story,

just one paragraph, which uses 3 examples of the past simple tense or the past continuous

tense being used to make something sound more polite. I can’t wait to read your answers.

Don’t forget to enrol on my FREE MINI COURSE: English Tenses 101 you will find the link

below. You have been awesome, now have a great day.