The Benefits of Not Being a Jerk to Yourself | Dan Harris | TED

468,834 views ใƒป 2022-10-10

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์•„๋ž˜ ์˜๋ฌธ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ”ํด๋ฆญํ•˜์‹œ๋ฉด ์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

๋ฒˆ์—ญ: Daniel Jang ๊ฒ€ํ† : Hansol Ryu
00:04
A few years ago, I signed up for something called a 360 review.
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๋ช‡ ๋…„ ์ „, ๋‹ค๋ฉด ํ‰๊ฐ€๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฑธ ์ž๋ฐœ์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋ฐ›์•„๋ณธ ์ ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:08
(Laughter)
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00:12
If you've ever worked in the corporate world,
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์ง์žฅ ์ƒํ™œ์„ ํ•ด ๋ณด์‹  ๋ถ„๋“ค์ด๋ผ๋ฉด ์•„๋งˆ
00:14
you probably have heard of this diabolical exercise.
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์ด ์•…๋งˆ์  ํ–‰์œ„์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๋“ค์–ด๋ณด์‹  ์  ์žˆ์„ ๊ฑฐ์˜ˆ์š”.
00:17
(Laughter)
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00:18
Itโ€™s an anonymous survey with your bosses, peers and direct reports,
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์ง์žฅ ์ƒ์‚ฌ, ๋™๋ฃŒ, ์ง์† ๋ถ€ํ•˜๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ์ต๋ช…์œผ๋กœ ์„ค๋ฌธ์กฐ์‚ฌ๋ฅผ ํ•ด์„œ
00:23
and the idea is to get a panoramic sense of your strengths and weaknesses.
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์ž์‹ ์˜ ๊ฐ•์ ๊ณผ ์•ฝ์ ์„ ํญ ๋„“๊ฒŒ ํ‰๊ฐ€ ๋ฐ›๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ .
00:26
I opted for the colonoscopy version of a 360 review.
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๊ทธ ์ค‘ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์„ ํƒํ•œ ๊ฑด ํ‰๊ฐ€๊ณ„์˜ ๋Œ€์žฅ ๋‚ด์‹œ๊ฒฝ์ด๋ž„๊นŒ์š”.
00:30
(Laughter)
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00:32
Which included my wife, my brother and two of my meditation teachers.
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์ œ ์•„๋‚ด, ํ˜•์ œ, ๋ช…์ƒ ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜ ๋‘ ๋ช…์„ ํฌํ•จ ์‹œ์ผฐ์ฃ .
00:35
In all, 16 people gave hour-long confidential interviews,
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์ด 16 ๋ช…์ด ์ต๋ช…์œผ๋กœ ํ•œ ์‹œ๊ฐ„ ๋™์•ˆ ์ธํ„ฐ๋ทฐ์— ์‘ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:39
and I was then handed a 39-page report brimming with blind quotes.
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์ „ ์ด๋ฆ„ ์—†๋Š” ์ฆ์–ธ์ด ๊ฐ€๋“ํ•œ 39์žฅ ์งœ๋ฆฌ ๊ฒฐ๊ณผ ํ†ต๋ณด๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›์•˜๊ณ ์š”.
00:46
I can tell you're looking forward to hearing the results.
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๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ๋“ฃ๊ณ  ์‹ถ์–ด ์ฃฝ๊ฒ ์ฃ ?
00:48
Sadists.
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๋ณ€ํƒœ๋“ค ๊ฐ™์œผ๋‹ˆ.
00:50
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
00:52
But I'm going to make you wait a second,
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๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๋Š” ์ž ์‹œ ํ›„์— ๋“ค๋ ค ๋“œ๋ฆฌ๊ณ ,
00:54
because I should give you a little background on me.
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์ผ๋‹จ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋ˆ„๊ตฌ์ธ์ง€ ๊ฐ„๋‹จํžˆ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ• ๊ฒŒ์š”.
00:57
I used to be an anchorman.
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์ €๋Š” ๋‰ด์Šค ์•ต์ปค์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:58
I worked at ABC News for 21 years.
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ABC ๋‰ด์Šค์—์„œ 21 ๋…„๊ฐ„ ์ผํ–ˆ์ฃ .
01:02
It was a very stressful job.
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์ŠคํŠธ๋ ˆ์Šค๊ฐ€ ์‹ฌํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
01:04
In fact, I had a panic attack live on the air in 2004
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๊ธ‰๊ธฐ์•ผ 2004๋…„์—๋Š” ํ‰๋ฒ”ํ•œ ํ—ค๋“œ๋ผ์ธ์„ ์ „ํ•˜๋‹ค
01:08
while delivering some otherwise mundane headlines.
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์ƒ๋ฐฉ์†ก ์ค‘ ๊ณตํ™ฉ ๋ฐœ์ž‘์„ ์ผ์œผ์ผฐ์–ด์š”.
01:11
The good news is that my nationally televised freakout
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๊ทธ๋‚˜๋งˆ ๋ถˆํ–‰ ์ค‘ ๋‹คํ–‰์ด๋ผ๋ฉด
01:14
ultimately led me to meditation,
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๋ฉ˜๋ถ• ์žฅ๋ฉด์„ ์ „๊ตญ์— ์ƒ์ค‘๊ณ„ํ•œ ๊ฒŒ ๊ณ„๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ๋˜์–ด
01:16
which I had actually long rejected as ridiculous.
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ํ‰์ƒ ์ฝ”์›ƒ์Œ ์น˜๋ฉฐ ์™ธ๋ฉดํ–ˆ๋˜ ๋ช…์ƒ์„ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:20
I was raised by a pair of atheist scientists.
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์ €๋Š” ๋ฌด์‹ ๋ก ์ž ๊ณผํ•™์ž ๋ถ€๋ชจ ์•„๋ž˜์„œ ์ž๋ž์–ด์š”.
01:23
I'm a fidgety, skeptical guy.
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์˜์‹ฌ ๋งŽ๊ณ  ํšŒ์˜์ ์ด์ฃ .
01:24
And that kind of led me to unfairly lump meditation
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„ ์ง€ ๋ช…์ƒ์„ ์‹ค์† ์—†๋Š” ์—‰ํ„ฐ๋ฆฌ ์ทจ๊ธ‰ํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
01:29
in with aura readings, vision boards and dolphin healing.
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๊ธฐ์šด์„ ์ฝ๋Š”๋‹ค๋Š๋‹ˆ, ๊ฟˆ์„ ์จ๋ณด๋ผ๋Š๋‹ˆ, ๋Œ๊ณ ๋ž˜ ์น˜์œ ๋‹ˆ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๊ณผ ์‹ธ์žก์•„์„œ์š”.
01:35
But the practice really helped me with my anxiety and depression.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๋ช…์ƒ์€ ์ œ ๋ถˆ์•ˆ๊ณผ ์šฐ์šธ์„ ๋‹ค๋ฃจ๋Š” ๋ฐ ํฐ ๋„์›€์ด ๋์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:38
And so my goal became to make meditation attractive
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์ € ๊ฐ™์€ ํšŒ์˜์ฃผ์˜์ž๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ๋ช…์ƒ์„ ๊ถŒํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒŒ
01:41
to my fellow skeptics
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์ œ ์ƒˆ๋กœ์šด ๋ชฉํ‘œ๊ฐ€ ๋์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:43
by ditching the New Age cliches and liberally using the f-word.
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ํ”ํžˆ ์“ฐ๋Š” ์˜์ ์ธ ๋ง์€ ํ”ผํ•˜๊ณ  ์Œ์‹œ์˜ท ๋“ฌ๋ฟ ์จ ๊ฐ€๋ฉด์„œ์š”.
01:47
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
01:50
To my great surprise, this unorthodox approach
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๋†€๋ž๊ฒŒ๋„ ์ด๋Ÿฐ ๊ดด์ƒํ•œ ์ ‘๊ทผ ๋ฐฉ์‹์ด ๋จนํ˜€์„œ
01:53
turned me into a quasi self-help guru.
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์ €๋Š” ์ผ์ข…์˜ ์ž๊ธฐ ๊ณ„๋ฐœ ์Šค์Šน ๋…ธ๋ฆ‡์„ ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:56
And a few years into this trip, I decided that I wanted to get a sense
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์ด ๋ช…์ƒ ์—ฌ์ •์„ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜๊ณ  ๋ช‡ ๋…„ ๋’ค, ๋ฌธ๋“ ์•Œ๊ณ  ์‹ถ์–ด์กŒ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:00
of whether my inner work was having outer results, you know?
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๋‚ด๋ฉด์„ ๊ฐ€๋‹ค๋“ฌ๋Š” ๊ฒŒ ๊ฒ‰์œผ๋กœ๋„ ๋“œ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜๋Š” ํšจ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์„๊นŒ?
02:03
Was meditation making me a nicer person?
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๋ช…์ƒ์„ ํ†ตํ•ด ๋‚˜๋Š” ๋” ์ข‹์€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ๋˜์—ˆ์„๊นŒ?
02:06
And that's why I signed up for the 360.
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๋‹ค๋ฉด ํ‰๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›๊ธฐ๋กœ ํ–ˆ๋˜ ๊ฑฐ์ฃ .
02:09
And now I will tell you about the results.
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์ด์ œ ๊ทธ ๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๋ฅผ ๋“ค๋ ค๋“œ๋ฆด๊ฒŒ์š”.
02:11
The first 13 pages were dedicated to my sterling qualities.
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์ฒซ 13 ์žฅ์€ ์ œ ๋น›๋‚˜๋Š” ์žฅ์ ๋“ค์„ ๋‹ด์•˜์–ด์š”.
02:14
People talked about how hardworking and intelligent I was.
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ์„ฑ์‹คํ•˜๊ณ  ๋˜‘๋˜‘ํ•˜๋‹ค๋Š” ์นญ์ฐฌ์ด ๋‹ด๊ฒจ ์žˆ์—ˆ์ฃ .
02:18
Many also said meditation had made me more caring.
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๋ช…์ƒ ๋•์— ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋” ๋‹ค์ •ํ•ด์กŒ๋‹ค๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋„ ๋งŽ์•˜์–ด์š”.
02:21
But then came 26 pages of beatdown.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  26 ์žฅ์˜ ๋ฉ์„๋ง์ด๊ฐ€ ์‹œ์ž‘๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:25
(Laughter)
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02:27
The first blow was that some reviewers noted
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์ฒ˜์Œ ํ•œ ๋ฐฉ์€ ๋ช‡ ์‘๋‹ต์ž๊ฐ€
02:30
that I had a penchant for being rude to junior staffers,
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ํ•˜๊ธ‰ ์ง์›๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ๋ฌด๋ก€ํ•˜๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•œ ๊ฑฐ์˜€์–ด์š”.
02:33
which was deeply embarrassing.
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๋„ˆ๋ฌด ๋ถ€๋„๋Ÿฌ์› ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:36
But it only got worse.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ด๊ฑด ์‹œ์ž‘์— ๋ถˆ๊ณผํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
02:37
I was called emotionally guarded, a diva and an authoritarian.
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๋งˆ์Œ์„ ์—ด ์ค„ ๋ชจ๋ฅธ๋‹ค, ๊นŒํƒˆ์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šด ์ง„์ƒ์ด๊ณ  ๊ถŒ์œ„์ฃผ์˜์ ์ด๋‹ค.
02:42
(Quiet laughter)
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(์ˆจ์ฃฝ์ธ ์›ƒ์Œ)
02:43
I don't know why that's funny.
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์–ด๋””๊ฐ€ ์›ƒ๊ธด์ง€ ๋ชจ๋ฅด๊ฒ ๊ตฐ์š”.
02:45
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
02:50
Some people even questioned my motives for promoting meditation.
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋ช…์ƒ์„ ๊ถŒํ•˜๋Š” ์ด์œ ๋ฅผ ์˜์‹ฌํ•˜๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค๋งˆ์ € ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:53
It got so bad that at one point my wife, who was reading it with me,
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๋‚ด์šฉ์ด ๋„ˆ๋ฌด๋‚˜ ์ฐธํ˜นํ•ด์„œ ์–ด๋Š ์ˆœ๊ฐ„ ์•„๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๊ฐ™์ด ์ฝ๋‹ค ๋ง๊ณ 
02:56
got up and went to the bathroom and cried.
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ํ™”์žฅ์‹ค์— ๋“ค์–ด๊ฐ€ ์šธ๊ธฐ๊นŒ์ง€ ํ–ˆ์ฃ .
03:00
I think for me the most painful part
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์ œ๊ฒŒ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ๋ผˆ์•„ํŒ ๋˜ ๊นจ๋‹ฌ์Œ์€
03:02
was realizing that the aspects of my personality
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์ œ ์„ฑ๊ฒฉ ์ค‘ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ˆ˜์น˜์Šค๋Ÿฝ๊ฒŒ ์—ฌ๊ธฐ๊ณ 
03:04
that I was most ashamed of and had really tried to hide
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๊ฐ์ถ”๋ ค๊ณ  ๋„ˆ๋ฌด๋‚˜ ๋…ธ๋ ฅํ•œ ๋ถ€๋ถ„์ด
03:08
were in fact on full display for everybody.
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์‹ค์€ ๋งŒ์ฒœํ•˜์— ๋“œ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜ ์žˆ์—ˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:11
And those included my two most prominent and problematic demons:
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๊ทธ ์ค‘ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ๋‘๋“œ๋Ÿฌ์ง€๊ณ  ํ•ด๋กœ์šด ๋‘ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ๋งˆ์Œ ์† ์•…๋งˆ๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์—ˆ์ฃ .
03:15
anger and self-centeredness.
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๋ถ„๋…ธ์™€ ์ž๊ธฐ ์ค‘์‹ฌ์„ฑ.
03:17
(Clears throat)
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(ํ—›๊ธฐ์นจ)
03:19
Sorry. I've never talked about this publicly before.
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์ฃ„์†กํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ด๊ฑธ ๊ณต๊ฐœ์ ์œผ๋กœ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜๊ธฐ๋Š” ์ฒ˜์Œ์ด๋ผ์„œ์š”.
03:24
(Applause)
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(๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
03:25
Thank you.
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๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:30
I thought we weren't supposed to applaud authoritarians here at TED.
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TED๊ฐ€ ๊ถŒ์œ„์ฃผ์˜์ž์—๊ฒŒ ๋ฐ•์ˆ˜ ์ณ์ฃผ๋Š” ๊ณณ์€ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ๋Š”๋ฐ์š”.
03:33
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
03:37
Bottom line, meditation had helped, for sure,
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๊ฒฐ๋ก ์€ ๋ช…์ƒ์ด ๋ถ„๋ช… ๋„์›€์ด ๋˜๊ธด ํ–ˆ์ง€๋งŒ
03:41
but I clearly retained the capacity to be a schmuck,
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์ œ ์•ˆ์˜ ๋ฉ์ฒญ์ด ๊ทผ์„ฑ์ด ์ฃฝ์ง€ ์•Š์•˜๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ .
03:43
and I am not alone in this.
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์ € ๋ฟ๋งŒ์ด ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:46
All kinds of bad behavior have been on the rise.
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์˜จ๊ฐ– ๋‚˜์œ ์ง“์ด ์ฆ๊ฐ€ ์ถ”์„ธ์˜ˆ์š”.
03:49
Reckless driving,
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๋‚œํญ ์šด์ „,
03:51
unruly airline passengers, violent crime,
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ํ–‰ํŒจ ๋ถ€๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋น„ํ–‰๊ธฐ ์Šน๊ฐ, ํญ๋ ฅ ๋ฒ”์ฃ„,
03:54
online bullying, workplace incivility,
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์‚ฌ์ด๋ฒ„ ํญ๋ ฅ, ์ง์žฅ ๋‚ด ๋ฌด๋ก€ํ•จ,
03:57
tribal antagonism, even general self-centeredness.
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ํŽธ ๊ฐ€๋ฅด๊ธฐ ์‹ ์ ๋Œ€์‹ฌ, ๋„๋ฆฌ ํผ์ง„ ์ž๊ธฐ ์ค‘์‹ฌ์„ฑ๊นŒ์ง€.
04:00
At times, it can really feel like our social fabric is unraveling.
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์‚ฌํšŒ๊ฐ€ ์‚ฐ์‚ฐ์ด ๋ฌด๋„ˆ์ง€๋Š” ๋“ฏํ•œ ๋Š๋‚Œ์ด ๋“ค ๋•Œ๋„ ๋งŽ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:04
So after my 360, I decided to do some work on myself
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๋‹ค๋ฉด ํ‰๊ฐ€ ์ดํ›„, ์ €๋Š” ์ œ ์ž์‹ ์„ ๊ฐ€๋‹ค๋“ฌ์œผ๋ฉฐ
04:07
and to see if I could also learn some things
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๋™์‹œ์— ๋ชจ๋‘์—๊ฒŒ ๋„์›€์ด ๋  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋ฌด์–ธ๊ฐ€๊ฐ€ ์—†์„๊นŒ
04:09
that, by extension, might help the species.
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๊ณ ๋ฏผํ•˜๊ธฐ๋กœ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:13
I pulled every lever at my disposal.
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ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฑด ๋ญ๋“ ์ง€ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:15
I did psychotherapy, communications coaching, bias training,
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์‹ฌ๋ฆฌ ์ƒ๋‹ด๋„ ๋ฐ›์•„ ๋ณด๊ณ , ์˜์‚ฌ ์†Œํ†ต ์ฝ”์นญ, ํŽธ๊ฒฌ ๊ต์œก,
04:18
couples counseling and more.
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๋ถ€๋ถ€ ์ƒ๋‹ด ๋“ฑ์„ ๋ฐ›์•„๋ดค์–ด์š”.
04:21
And while I was really grateful to be able to do all of this stuff
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์ „๋ถ€ ๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•œ ๊ฒฝํ—˜์ด์—ˆ๊ณ  ๋‚˜๋ฆ„ ๋„์›€๋„ ๋์ง€๋งŒ,
04:24
and all of it helped,
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04:25
I was still finding myself too often getting selfish or snippy.
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์•„์ง๋„ ์ด๊ธฐ์ ์ด๊ณ  ์‹ ๊ฒฝ์งˆ์ ์ธ ๋ชจ์Šต์ด ๋‚˜์˜ฌ ๋•Œ๊ฐ€ ๋งŽ์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:29
So I signed up for a nine-day silent retreat
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ 9์ผ ์ผ์ •์˜ ๋ฌต์–ธ ์ˆ˜ํ–‰์— ๋“ฑ๋กํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
04:32
where I would practice a kind of meditation
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์˜จํ™”ํ•จ์„ ๊ธธ๋Ÿฌ์ฃผ๋Š” ํšจ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š”
04:34
that has been shown to boost your capacity for warmth.
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์ผ์ข…์˜ ๋ช…์ƒ ์ˆ˜ํ–‰์ด์ฃ .
04:37
Itโ€™s called โ€œloving-kindness,โ€ which, as you might imagine,
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โ€˜๋‹ค์ •ํ•œ ์ƒ๋ƒฅํ•จโ€™ ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ํ•˜๋Š”๋ฐ, ์˜ˆ์ƒํ•˜์‹œ๋“ฏ์ด, ์ €์—๊ฒŒ๋Š” ๊ทธ๊ฒŒ
04:40
sounded to me like Valentine's Day with a gun to my head.
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์ด์œผ๋กœ ํ˜‘๋ฐ•๋‹นํ•˜๋ฉฐ ๋ณด๋‚ด๋Š” ๋ฐœ๋ Œํƒ€์ธ ๋ฐ์ด ๊ฐ™์€ ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์˜€์–ด์š”.
04:43
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
04:48
But I was in it to win it. I really wanted to be a nicer person.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ €๋Š” ์ง„์‹ฌ์ด์—ˆ์–ด์š”. ์ •๋ง ์ข‹์€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ๋˜๊ณ  ์‹ถ์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
04:52
I kept getting tripped up though,
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๊ฐ„ํ˜น ์‹๊ฒํ•˜๊ธด ํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
04:53
because the woman who was running the retreat, my teacher,
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์Šคํ”„๋ง ์›Œ์…ค์ด๋ผ๋Š” ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๊ป˜์„œ ์ง„ํ–‰์„ ํ•˜์…จ๋Š”๋ฐ
04:56
her name is Spring Washam,
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04:57
she kept insisting that if I wanted to be less of a jerk to other people,
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๋‚จ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ๋ชป๋˜๊ฒŒ ๊ตด์ง€ ์•Š์œผ๋ ค๋ฉด ๋จผ์ € ์ž๊ธฐ ์ž์‹ ์—๊ฒŒ ์ž˜ํ•˜๋ผ๊ณ 
05:01
I needed to start by being less of a jerk to myself,
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๋ฐ˜๋ณตํ•ด์„œ ๊ฐ•์กฐํ•˜์…จ์–ด์š”.
05:03
which I thought was the kind of thing you hear
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๊ทธ๊ฑธ ๋“ฃ๊ณ  ์ €๋Š” ์†์œผ๋กœ
ํ˜น์‹œ ์ธ์Šคํƒ€๊ทธ๋žจ ํ•˜์‹œ๋‚˜ ์Šคํ•€ ๊ฐ•์ขŒ ํ•˜์‹œ๋‚˜ ์‹ถ์–ด์„œ...
05:06
from Instagram influencers and spin instructors, so --
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05:08
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
05:11
And she even went so far as to suggest
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์‹ฌ์ง€์–ด๋Š” ๋ช…์ƒ ์ค‘์—
05:13
that when I saw my demons emerging in meditation,
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๋‚˜์œ ์‹ฌ์„ฑ์ด ๋‹ค์‹œ ๊ณ ๊ฐœ๋ฅผ ๋“ค๋ฉด
05:16
I should put my hand on my heart and say to myself,
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๊ฐ€์Šด์— ์†์„ ์–น๊ณ  ์ด๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ๋งํ•˜๋ผ ํ•˜์…จ์–ด์š”.
05:19
"It's OK, sweetie. I'm here for you."
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โ€œ๊ดœ์ฐฎ์•„ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์• ๊ธฐ, ๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์ž–์•„.โ€
05:20
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
05:22
Hard pass.
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๊ฑฐ์ ˆํ•œ๋‹ค.
05:24
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
05:25
Pasadena. I was not going to do that.
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๋ง™์†Œ์‚ฌ. ์ œ๊ฐ€ ํ•  ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์žˆ๋‚˜์š”.
05:27
But over the ensuing days of nonstop meditation,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๋ฉฐ์น  ๋” ์‰ฌ์ง€ ์•Š๊ณ  ๋ช…์ƒ์„ ํ•˜๋ฉฐ
05:31
I did notice that my twin demons were in full effect.
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์ œ ์•ˆ์˜ ๋‘ ์•…๋งˆ๊ฐ€ ๋งˆ์Œ๊ป ํ™œ๊ฐœ์น˜๋Š” ๊ฑธ ๋Š๊ผˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:36
My anger had me rehearsing glorious, expletive-filled speeches
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์ œ ๋ถ„๋…ธ๋Š” ์ง์žฅ ์ƒ์‚ฌ์—๊ฒŒ ์™œ ์Šน์ง„ ์‹œ์ผœ์ฃผ์ง€ ์•Š์•˜๋ƒ๊ณ 
05:39
I would deliver to my boss about the various promotions I deserved.
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์š•์„ค ๋“ฌ๋ฟ ๋‹ด์•„ ํ•œ ๋ฐ”ํƒ• ๊ฐˆ๊ตฌ๋Š” ์ƒ์ƒ์„ ํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ๊ณ ,
05:42
My self-centeredness had me writing my own five-star Amazon reviews
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์ œ ์ž๊ธฐ ์ค‘์‹ฌ์„ฑ์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์“ด ์ฑ…๋“ค์˜ ์•„๋งˆ์กด ๋ฆฌ๋ทฐ๋ฅผ ์“ฐ๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
05:46
for my various books,
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โ€˜์ˆ˜๋ คํ•œ ๋ฌธ์žฅ๋ ฅ, ๋” ์ˆ˜๋ คํ•œ ์–ผ๊ตด.โ€™ ๋ณ„ ๋‹ค์„ฏ ๊ฐœ.
05:47
praising my elegant prose and rugged good looks.
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05:49
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
05:51
And in the face of all of this roostering and rage,
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์ด ๋ชจ๋“  ์žํ™”์ž์ฐฌ๊ณผ ๋ถ„๋…ธ๋ฅผ ๋ณด๊ณ 
05:54
I layered on an avalanche of self-criticism.
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์ €๋Š” ํƒœ์‚ฐ ๊ฐ™์€ ์ž๊ธฐ ๋น„ํŒ์„ ๋”ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:57
I told myself a whole story
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์ œ ์ž์‹ ์—๊ฒŒ ์žฅํ™ฉํ•˜๊ฒŒ
05:58
about how I was an incurably self-obsessed, cranky monster
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๋„ˆ๋Š” ์ž๊ธฐ๋ฐ–์— ๋ชจ๋ฅด๊ณ  ์„ฑ์งˆ ๋”๋Ÿฌ์šด ๊ตฌ์ œ๋ถˆ๋Šฅ์˜ ์ธ๊ฐ„์ด๋‹ค,
06:03
who had cloven hooves and a retractable jaw.
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์—ผ์†Œ ๋ฐœ๊ตฝ์— ๋ฑ€ ์ด๋นจ์„ ํ•œ ๊ดด๋ฌผ์ด๋‹ค ํ•˜๊ณ  ์š•์„ ํผ๋ถ€์—ˆ์ฃ .
06:10
After about five or six days of drinking from this fire hose, I caved.
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ํ•œ ๋‹ท์ƒˆ ์—ฟ์ƒˆ ์ •๋„ ํ—ˆ์šฐ์ ๊ฑฐ๋ฆฌ๋‹ค ๊ฒฐ๊ตญ์€ ๊ตด๋ณตํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:16
Mid-meditation, I put my hand on my heart,
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๋ช…์ƒ ์ค‘, ๊ฐ€์Šด์— ์†์„ ์–น๊ณ 
06:19
and while I definitely was not going to call myself "sweetie,"
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์ ˆ๋Œ€ ์ €๋ฅผ โ€˜์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์• ๊ธฐโ€™๋ผ๊ณ  ๋ถ€๋ฅผ ์ƒ๊ฐ์€ ์—†์—ˆ์ง€๋งŒ
06:22
I did silently say to myself,
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๋Œ€์‹  ์กฐ์šฉํžˆ ๋งํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:25
"It's all good, dude, I know this sucks, but I've got you."
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โ€œ์•ผ, ๊ดœ์ฐฎ์•„. ํž˜๋“  ๊ฑฐ ์•Œ์•„. ๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๋„์™€์ค„๊ฒŒ.โ€
06:30
This was very strange and embarrassing, but in this moment, I had an epiphany.
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์ด์ƒํ•˜๊ณ  ๋ถ€๋„๋Ÿฝ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค๋งŒ, ๊ทธ ์ˆœ๊ฐ„ ๊นจ๋‹ฌ์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:35
I realized that my demons were actually
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์ œ ์•ˆ์˜ ์•…๋งˆ๋“ค์€ ์‚ฌ์‹ค
06:37
just ancient, fear-based neurotic programs,
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๊ณ ๋Œ€๋กœ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ๋‚ด๋ ค์™”๊ณ , ๊ณตํฌ์— ๋ฟŒ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋‘” ๋‡Œ ์†์˜ ์‹ ๊ฒฝ ๊ณผ๋ฏผ ํšŒ๋กœ๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฑธ.
06:41
probably injected into me by the culture, by my parents.
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์•„๋งˆ ์‚ฌํšŒ๊ฐ€, ๋˜๋Š” ๋ถ€๋ชจ๋‹˜์ด ์ œ๊ฒŒ ์ฃผ์ž…ํ–ˆ๊ฒ ์ฃ .
06:45
And they were trying to help me.
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์•…๋งˆ๋“ค์€ ์‚ฌ์‹ค ์ €๋ฅผ ๋„์šฐ๋ ค๋˜ ๊ฑฐ์˜€์–ด์š”.
06:47
It was the organism trying to protect itself.
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์ƒ๋ฌผ์˜ ์ž๊ธฐ ๋ณดํ˜ธ ๋ณธ๋Šฅ์ด์—ˆ๋˜ ๊ฑฐ์ฃ .
06:50
And when I stopped fighting them, they calmed down for a few seconds.
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๋” ์ด์ƒ ๋งž์„œ ์‹ธ์šฐ๋ ค ํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์ž ์•…๋งˆ๋“ค๋„ ์ž ์‹œ ์ž ์ž ํ•ด์กŒ์–ด์š”.
06:53
I didn't have to slay them.
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๋ฌด์ฐŒ๋ฅผ ํ•„์š”๊ฐ€ ์—†์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
๋Œ€์‹  ํ•˜์ดํŒŒ์ด๋ธŒ๋ฅผ ํ•ด์ฃผ๋ฉด ๋์ฃ .
06:56
I just had to give them a high five.
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06:57
And this counterintuitive extension of warmth
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์„ ๋œป ์ดํ•ดํ•˜๊ธฐ ํž˜๋“  ์ด ์˜จํ™”ํ•จ์˜ ํ‘œํ˜„์€
07:00
was not, I realized, it was not indulgent.
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์ž์‹ ์˜ ์‘์„์„ ๋ฐ›์•„์ฃผ๋Š” ๊ฒŒ ์•„๋‹ˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:03
It was radical disarmament.
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์ฒ ์ €ํ•œ ๋ฌด์žฅ ํ•ด์ œ์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:07
Here's the way I think about this.
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์ €๋Š” ๊ทธ๊ฑธ ์ด๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:08
At any given moment, we humans have two choices
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ์—๊ฒ ์–ธ์ œ๋‚˜ ๋‘ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ์„ ํƒ์ง€, ๋‘ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ์†Œ์šฉ๋Œ์ด๊ฐ€ ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ ์š”.
07:11
or two spirals that are available to us.
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07:14
The first is what my friend Evelyn Tribole calls the toilet vortex.
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์ฒซ ์„ ํƒ์ง€๋Š” ์ œ ์นœ๊ตฌ ์—๋ธ”๋ฆฐ ํŠธ๋ฆฌ๋ณผ๋ ˆ๊ฐ€ ๋ณ€๊ธฐ ์†Œ์šฉ๋Œ์ด๋ผ ๋ถ€๋ฅด๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:19
The reason why this looks childish and ridiculous is that I drew it myself.
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๊ทธ๋ฆผ์ด ์ด ๋ชจ์–‘์ธ ์ด์œ ๋Š” ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ๋ ค์„œ ๊ทธ๋ ‡์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:22
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
07:24
It's OK, sweetie. You're good at so many other things.
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๊ดœ์ฐฎ์•„ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์• ๊ธฐ, ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์žฌ์ฃผ๋กœ ๋จน๊ณ  ์‚ด๋ฉด ๋ผ.
07:27
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
07:28
(Applause)
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(๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
07:33
I probably shouldn't make fun of the thing I'm going to try to get you to do, but ...
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๋ช…์ƒ ๊ถŒํ•˜๋Ÿฌ ๋‚˜์™€์„œ ๋ช…์ƒ์„ ์šฐ์Šค๊ฐฏ๊ฐ ์‚ผ์œผ๋ฉด ์•ˆ ๋˜๊ฒ ์ง€๋งŒ...
07:37
The toilet vortex might start like this.
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๋ณ€๊ธฐ ์†Œ์šฉ๋Œ์ด๋Š” ์ด๋Ÿฐ ์‹์œผ๋กœ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:39
You're picking on yourself because you don't like the way you look in the mirror.
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์ž์‹ ์„ ๊ดด๋กญํž ์ด์œ ๋ฅผ ์ฐพ์ฃ . ์™ธ๋ชจ๊ฐ€ ๋ง˜์— ์•ˆ ๋“ ๋‹ค๊ฑฐ๋‚˜,
์Šค์Šค๋กœ์˜ ์ƒ์‚ฐ์„ฑ์ด ๋ถˆ๋งŒ์กฑ์Šค๋Ÿฝ๋‹ค๊ฑฐ๋‚˜,
07:43
You're unhappy with your level of productivity
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ํ‚คํ†  ๋‹ค์ด์–ดํŠธ๋ฅผ ์‹คํŒจํ–ˆ๋‹ค๊ฑฐ๋‚˜, ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ๊ฑฐ์š”.
07:45
or you have failed to achieve ketosis, whatever.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณค ์ด๋‚ด ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ๋ถ„ํ’€์ด๋ฅผ ํ•˜๊ณ ,
07:48
And then you take that out on other people
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07:50
and then you are feeling more miserable,
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๋”๋”์šฑ ์ž๊ดด๊ฐ์— ๋น ์ง€๋ฉฐ
07:53
and then down you go.
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๊ณ„์† ๊ฐ€๋ผ์•‰์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:54
The vastly superior alternative is what I call the cheesy upward spiral.
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ํ›จ์”ฌ ๋‚˜์€ ๋‘ ๋ฒˆ์งธ ์„ ํƒ์ง€๋ฅผ ์ €๋Š” ๋‚ฏ๊ฐ„์ง€๋Ÿฌ์šด ์ƒ์Šน ์†Œ์šฉ๋Œ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ๋ถˆ๋Ÿฌ์š”.
08:00
This one was drawn by a professional.
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์ด๊ฑด ์ „๋ฌธ๊ฐ€๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ๋ ธ์–ด์š”.
08:02
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
08:04
As your inner weather gets balmier,
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๋‚ด๋ฉด์˜ ์•…๋งˆ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ํ•˜์ดํŒŒ์ด๋ธŒ๋ฅผ ์ณ ์ฃผ๋ฉด์„œ
08:07
because you've learned how to high-five your demons,
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๋งˆ์Œ ์† ๋‚ ์”จ๊ฐ€ ๋”ฐ์‚ฌ๋กœ์›Œ์ง€๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜๋ฉด
08:10
that shows up in your relationships with other people.
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์ฃผ๋ณ€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค๊ณผ์˜ ๊ด€๊ณ„๋„ ์˜ํ–ฅ์„ ๋ฐ›์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:12
And because relationships are probably the most important variable
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์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ์ž˜ ์‚ด์•„๊ฐ€๋Š” ๋ฐ์— ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ๋ณ€์ˆ˜๊ฐ€ ์•„๋งˆ๋„ ์ธ๊ฐ„ ๊ด€๊ณ„์ผํ…Œ๋‹ˆ
08:15
when it comes to human flourishing,
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08:17
your inner weather improves even further
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๋งˆ์Œ ์† ๋‚ ์”จ๊ฐ€ ๋”๋”์šฑ ์ข‹์•„์ง€๋ฉฐ
08:19
and up you go.
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๊ณ„์† ์˜ฌ๋ผ๊ฐ‘๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:21
And that is the whole point here.
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์ด๊ฒŒ ๋ฐ”๋กœ ์š”์ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:22
Self-love, properly understood, not as narcissism,
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๋‚˜๋ฅด์‹œ์‹œ์ฆ˜์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ ์ œ๋Œ€๋กœ ๋œ ์ž๊ธฐ์• ,
์ž๊ธฐ ์ž์‹ ์„ ๋ณด๋“ฌ์„ ์ค„ ์•„๋Š” ์ž๊ธฐ์• ๋Š”
08:26
but as having your own back,
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08:28
is not selfish.
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์ด๊ธฐ์ ์ธ ๊ฒŒ ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:30
It makes you better at loving other people.
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋„ ๋” ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๊ฒŒ ๋˜๊ฑฐ๋“ ์š”.
08:33
And the flip side of this was on full display in my 360.
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์ž์‹ ์„ ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜์ง€ ๋ชปํ•œ ๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๋Š” ์ œ ๋‹ค๋ฉด ํ‰๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ๋ณด๋ฉด ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:35
All the ways in which I was torturing myself
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์ œ ์ž์‹ ์„ ์ค„๊ณง ๊ดด๋กญํžˆ๋˜ ๋ฐฉ์‹์ด
08:37
showed up in my relationships with other people.
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์ฃผ๋ณ€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๊ณผ์˜ ๊ด€๊ณ„์— ๊ทธ๋Œ€๋กœ ๋“œ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜์ฃ .
08:40
And as those relationships suffered, so did I.
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์ธ๊ฐ„๊ด€๊ณ„๊ฐ€ ์–ด๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ์งˆ์ˆ˜๋ก ์ € ์ž์‹ ๋„ ๊ณ ํ†ต ๋ฐ›์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:43
Taken together, my two excellent drawings
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ๋ฆฐ ๋‘ ๋ช…์ž‘์„ ํ•œ ๋ฐ ๋ชจ์œผ๋ฉด
08:46
represent a kind of amateur unified field theory of love.
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์‚ฌ๋ž‘์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ํ†ต์ผ์žฅ ์ด๋ก  ๋น„์Šทํ•œ ๊ฒŒ ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:50
I call it โ€œMe, A Love Story.โ€
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์ด๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ์ œ๋ชฉ์„ ๋ถ™์˜€์–ด์š”. โ€œ๋‚˜: ๋Ÿฌ๋ธŒ ์Šคํ† ๋ฆฌโ€
08:54
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
08:57
That's a deliberately ridiculous name,
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์ผ๋ถ€๋Ÿฌ ์›ƒ๊ธฐ๊ฒŒ ์ง€์€ ์ œ๋ชฉ์ด๊ธด ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค๋งŒ,
08:59
but I am actually pretty serious about using the word "love."
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์‚ฌ๋ž‘์€ ๊ดœํžˆ ์–ธ๊ธ‰ํ•œ ๊ฒŒ ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:03
Granted, it's a confusing term because we use it to apply to everything
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๋ฌผ๋ก  ๋ถˆ๋ถ„๋ช…ํ•œ ๋‹จ์–ด์ด๊ธด ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์˜จ๊ฐ– ๊ณณ์— ์“ฐ๋Š” ๋ง์ด๋‹ˆ๊นŒ์š”.
09:06
from our spouses to our children to gluten-free snickerdoodles.
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๋ฐฐ์šฐ์ž๋„, ์ž์‹๋„ ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๊ณ  ๊ธ€๋ฃจํ… ๋บ€ ๊ณผ์ž๋„ ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•œ๋‹ค ํ•˜์ฃ .
09:10
But I am comfortable embracing the broadness of the term.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ „ ์ด ๋‘๋ฃจ๋ญ‰์ˆ ํ•จ์„ ์ ๊ทน ๋ฐ›์•„๋“ค์ด๊ณ  ์‹ถ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:15
I consider love to be anything that falls within the human capacity to care,
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๋ฌด์—‡์„ ์‹ ๊ฒฝ์“ธ ์ค„ ์•„๋Š” ๋Šฅ๋ ฅ, ๊ทธ ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒƒ์„ ์ €๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋ž‘์ด๋ผ ๋ด…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:19
a capacity wired deeply into us via evolution.
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์ง„ํ™” ๊ณผ์ •์—์„œ ์ธ๋ฅ˜์˜ ๋งˆ์Œ ๊นŠ์€ ๊ณณ์— ์ž๋ฆฌ ์žก์€ ๋Šฅ๋ ฅ์ด์ฃ .
09:22
It's our ability to care, cooperate and communicate
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์„œ๋กœ ์‹ ๊ฒฝ ์“ฐ๊ณ  ํ˜‘๋ ฅํ•˜๊ณ  ์˜์‚ฌ์†Œํ†ตํ–ˆ๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์—
09:25
that has allowed Homo sapiens to thrive.
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์ธ๋ฅ˜๊ฐ€ ๋ฒˆ์˜ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์—ˆ๋˜ ๊ฑฐ๊ฒ ์ฃ .
09:28
And it is a failure to exercise that muscle,
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์ด ์ธ๊ฐ„์œผ๋กœ์„œ์˜ ๋Šฅ๋ ฅ์„ ๋ฐœํœ˜ํ•˜์ง€ ๋ชปํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ,
09:31
it is a lack of love that I think is at the root of our most pressing problems,
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์‚ฌ๋ž‘์˜ ๋ชจ์ž๋žŒ์ด์•ผ๋ง๋กœ ๋ถˆํ‰๋“ฑ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ํญ๋ ฅ, ๊ธฐํ›„ ๋ณ€ํ™”๊นŒ์ง€
09:35
from inequality to violence to the climate crisis.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋งˆ์ฃผํ•œ ํผ์งํ•œ ๋‚œ๊ด€๋“ค์˜ ๊ทผ์›์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ์ €๋Š” ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:38
Obviously, these are all massive problems
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๋‹น์—ฐํžˆ ์ด๋Ÿฐ ์–ด๋งˆ์–ด๋งˆํ•œ ๋ฌธ์ œ์˜ ํ•ด๊ฒฐ์ฑ…์€
09:40
that are going to require massive structural change,
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ํฌ๋‚˜ํฐ ๊ตฌ์กฐ์  ๋ณ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ํฌํ•จํ•ด์•ผ ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
09:43
but at a baseline they also require us to care about one another.
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์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ์„œ๋กœ๋ฅผ ์•„๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ๊ธฐ๋ณธ ์กฐ๊ฑด์ž„์—๋Š” ๋ณ€ํ•จ์ด ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:47
And it is harder to do that
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์ž๊ธฐ ์ค‘์‹ฌ์ , ์ž๊ธฐ ํ•™๋Œ€์  ์†Œ์šฉ๋Œ์ด์— ๊ฐ‡ํ˜€์„œ ๋‚จ์„ ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ์•„๋‚„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์„๊นŒ์š”.
09:49
when you're stuck in a ceaseless spiral of self-centered self-flagellation.
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09:53
(Applause)
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(๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
09:55
Thank you.
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๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:57
So I guess what I'm trying to say here
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ํ•˜๋ ค๋Š” ๋ง์€
09:59
is there's a geopolitical case for you to get your shit together.
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ์ •์‹ ์ค„ ์žก๊ณ  ํ•ด๊ฒฐํ•  ์ง€์ •ํ•™์  ํ˜„์•ˆ์ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ตฌ์š”.
10:02
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
10:04
And the massively empowering news
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ํฐ ํž˜์ด ๋  ๋ง์”€์„ ํ•ด๋“œ๋ฆฌ์ž๋ฉด
10:07
is that love is not an unalterable factory setting.
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์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๋Š” ๋Šฅ๋ ฅ์€ ํƒ€๊ณ ๋‚˜์•ผ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒŒ ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:12
It is a skill that you can train.
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๊ฐˆ๊ณ  ๋‹ฆ์„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ธฐ์ˆ ์ด์—์š”.
10:14
It's actually a family of skills.
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์‚ฌ์‹ค ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ ๋Šฅ๋ ฅ์˜ ์ง‘ํ•ฉ์ฒด์ฃ .
10:16
After my 360, I learned a whole bunch of practices for upping my love game,
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๋‹ค๋ฉด ํ‰๊ฐ€ ์ดํ›„, ์ œ ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ ๋Šฅ๋ ฅ์„ ๊ธฐ๋ฅด๊ธฐ ์œ„ํ•ด
10:20
and I'm going to share two with you right now
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๋‹ค์–‘ํ•œ ๊ธฐ๋ฒ•์„ ๋ฐฐ์› ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:22
that I think would be very easy to integrate into your life.
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๊ทธ ์ค‘ ์‹ค์ฒœํ•˜๊ธฐ ์‰ฌ์šด ๋‘ ๊ฐ€์ง€๋ฅผ ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์ณ๋“œ๋ฆด๊ฒŒ์š”.
10:25
The first is to boot up a practice of loving-kindness meditation.
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์ฒซ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋กœ ๋‹ค์ •ํ•œ ์ƒ๋ƒฅํ•จ ๋ช…์ƒ์„ ์—ฐ์Šตํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์˜ˆ์š”.
10:28
I should say that it does not require you
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๋ฏธ๋ฆฌ ๋ง์”€๋“œ๋ฆฌ์ž๋ฉด ๊ฑฐ์ฐฝํ•œ ๋ช…์ƒํšŒ์— ๋“ฑ๋กํ•˜์‹ค ํ•„์š”๋Š” ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:30
to subscribe to some fancy metaphysical program,
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10:32
and it shouldn't take up too much time.
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์‹œ๊ฐ„ ๋งŽ์ด ์žก์•„๋จน์ง€ ์•Š์„ ๊ฑฐ์˜ˆ์š”.
10:34
Maybe a few minutes a couple of times a week to start.
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์ผ ์ฃผ์ผ์— ๋‘ ์„ธ ๋ฒˆ, ๋ช‡ ๋ถ„ ์ •๋„๋กœ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜์„ธ์š”.
10:38
The instructions are really simple. Find a reasonably quiet place.
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๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์€ ๊ฐ„๋‹จํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์กฐ์šฉํ•œ ๊ณณ์„ ์ฐพ์•„์„œ
10:42
Assume a comfortable position,
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ํŽธํ•˜๊ฒŒ ์ž๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์žก๊ณ 
10:44
close your eyes and begin by envisioning a really easy person.
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๋ˆˆ์„ ๊ฐ๊ณ  ํŽธํ•œ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ๋จธ๋ฆฟ์†์— ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ์„ธ์š”.
10:48
Maybe a good friend, maybe a pet.
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์นœ๊ตฌ๋„ ์ข‹๊ณ , ๋ฐ˜๋ ค๋™๋ฌผ๋„ ์ข‹์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:50
And then you repeat in your mind four phrases:
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋จธ๋ฆฟ์†์œผ๋กœ ์ด๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ๋„ค ๊ตฌ์ ˆ์„ ๋”ฐ๋ผํ•˜์„ธ์š”.
10:53
"May you be happy, may you be safe, may you be healthy,
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โ€œํ–‰๋ณตํ•˜์‹œ๊ธธ, ํ‰์˜จํ•˜์‹œ๊ธธ, ๊ฑด๊ฐ•ํ•˜์‹œ๊ธธ,
10:57
may you live with ease."
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์‚ถ์ด ์•ˆ๋…•ํ•˜์‹œ๊ธธ.โ€
10:59
After you've generated a little warmth,
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๋งˆ์Œ์— ์˜จํ™”ํ•จ์ด ์•ฝ๊ฐ„ ๊นƒ๋“ค์—ˆ๋‹ค๋ฉด
11:01
you do a bait-and-switch and move onto yourself.
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์ด๋•Œ๋‹ค ํ•˜๊ณ  ์ž๊ธฐ ์ž์‹ ์„ ๊ฒจ๋ƒฅํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:05
Once again, you conjure the image and send the phrases.
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์ž์‹ ์˜ ๋ชจ์Šต์„ ๊ทธ๋ฆฐ ๋’ค ๋‹ค์‹œ ๋„ค ๊ตฌ์ ˆ์„ ์ „ํ•˜์„ธ์š”.
11:09
After that, it's on to a mentor, somebody who's helped you in your life.
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๊ทธ ๋‹ค์Œ์€ ์Šค์Šน๋‹˜์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋„์›€์ด ๋˜์–ด ์ค€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์—๊ฒŒ ์ „ํ•˜๊ณ ,
11:13
Then a neutral person, somebody you might overlook.
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์ด๋ฒˆ์—” ์ข‹์ง€๋„ ์‹ซ์ง€๋„ ์•Š์€, ๋ฌด์‹ฌ์ฝ” ์ง€๋‚˜์นœ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ๋– ์˜ฌ๋ฆฌ์„ธ์š”.
11:15
Then a difficult person, probably not hard to find.
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๊ทธ ๋‹ค์Œ์—” ๋ถˆํŽธํ•œ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ. ๋งŽ์ด๋“ค ์žˆ์œผ์‹œ์ฃ ?
11:18
And then we finish with all beings everywhere.
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๋งˆ์ง€๋ง‰์œผ๋กœ ์˜จ ์„ธ์ƒ์˜ ๋ชจ๋‘์—๊ฒŒ ์ „ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:23
To some of you, this may seem forced and treacly,
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์–ด์ƒ‰ํ•˜๊ณ  ๊ณผํ•˜๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•˜์‹ค ๋ถ„๋“ค๋„ ๊ณ„์‹ค ๊ฑฐ์˜ˆ์š”.
11:26
but it's worth noting that the research shows
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์—ฐ๊ตฌ๋ฅผ ํ†ตํ•ด ์ด ๋ช…์ƒ๋ฒ•์ด
11:28
that this practice has physiological, psychological
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์‹ ์ฒด์ , ์ •์‹ ์ , ์‹ฌ์ง€์–ด ํ–‰๋™ํ•™์ ์œผ๋กœ
11:30
and even behavioral benefits.
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์ด๋กœ์šด ํšจ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒŒ ์ž…์ฆ๋์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:32
The other practice I'm going to recommend
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๋‘ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋กœ ์ถ”์ฒœํ•ด ๋“œ๋ฆด ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์€
11:34
is to start consciously counterprogramming against your inner critic.
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์ž์‹ ์„ ์Šค์Šค๋กœ ๋น„ํŒํ•˜๋Š” ํšŒ๋กœ๋ฅผ ์˜์‹์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋‹ค์‹œ ๊ธธ๋“ค์ด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:37
Next time you notice yourself going down the toilet,
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๋‹ค์Œ๋ฒˆ์— ๋ณ€๊ธฐ ์†Œ์šฉ๋Œ์ด์— ๋น ์กŒ๋‹ค ์‹ถ์„ ๋•Œ,
11:40
if nobody's looking, put your hand on your heart
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๋ณด๋Š” ๋ˆˆ์ด ์—†๋‹ค๋ฉด, ๊ฐ€์Šด์— ์†์„ ์–น๊ณ 
11:42
and talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend.
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์ข‹์€ ์นœ๊ตฌ ๋Œ€ํ•˜๋“ฏ ์กฐ๊ณค์กฐ๊ณค ๋ง ๊ฑธ์–ด์ฃผ์„ธ์š”.
11:46
For ambitious people, this may be a little scary.
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์•ผ์‹ฌ๊ฐ€ ๋ถ„๋“ค๊ป˜์„œ๋Š” ๋‚  ์„  ์„ฑ์ทจ์š•์ด
11:48
You might fear it's going to erode your edge.
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๋ฌด๋ŽŒ์งˆ๊นŒ ๊ฑฑ์ • ํ•˜์‹ค ๊ฑฐ์˜ˆ์š”.
11:50
But research shows that this process of replacing your sadistic inner tyrant
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์—ฐ๊ตฌ์— ๋”ฐ๋ฅด๋ฉด ๋งˆ์Œ ์†์— ๊ฐ€ํ˜นํ•œ ํญ๊ตฐ ๋Œ€์‹ 
11:55
with a supportive inner coach, who has high standards
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๊ธฐ๋Œ€์น˜๋Š” ๋†’์ง€๋งŒ ๊ฑฐ๊ธฐ์— ๋งค๋ชฐ๋˜์ง€ ์•Š๋Š” ์Šค์Šน๋‹˜์„ ์•‰ํžˆ๋Š” ๊ฒŒ
11:58
but is not a jerk about it,
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11:59
makes you more likely to reach your goals.
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๋ชฉํ‘œ ๋‹ฌ์„ฑ ํ™•๋ฅ ์ด ๋” ๋†’๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:05
Now, I will cop to the fact
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์‚ฌ์‹ค ๋‰ด์Šค ์•ต์ปค๋ฅผ ๊ทธ๋งŒ๋‘๊ณ 
12:06
that even though I've now retired from my job as a news man
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๋ช…์ƒ ์ „๋„์‚ฌ๊ฐ€ ๋œ ์ง€๊ธˆ๋„
12:09
and am a full-time meditation evangelist,
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์ž์ฃผ ๋ณ€๊ธฐ ์†Œ์šฉ๋Œ์ด์— ๋น ์ง€๊ณค ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:11
I still go down the toilet on the regular.
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12:13
But I'm much more likely to access the upward spiral these days.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ด์ œ๋Š” ์ƒ์Šน ์†Œ์šฉ๋Œ์ด๋ฅผ ํƒ€๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๋„ ํ›จ์”ฌ ๋Šฅ์ˆ™ํ•ด์กŒ์–ด์š”.
12:16
In fact, three years after my 360, I got another one, because I never learn.
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๋‹ค๋ฉด ํ‰๊ฐ€ 3๋…„ ๋’ค ์žฌํ‰๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›์•˜์–ด์š”. ๊ฐ™์€ ์‹ค์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ๋ฐ˜๋ณตํ•  ๊ฒธ.
12:21
And this one was way different.
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ํ‰๊ฐ€ ๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ํ™• ๋‹ฌ๋ผ์กŒ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:23
People gushed about how much I had changed as a friend and a mentor and a colleague.
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ์นœ๊ตฌ, ์กฐ์–ธ์ž, ๋™๋ฃŒ๋กœ์„œ ์–ผ๋งˆ๋‚˜ ๋‹ฌ๋ผ์กŒ๋Š”์ง€ ๊ทน์ฐฌ์ด ์ด์–ด์กŒ์–ด์š”.
12:27
They talked about specific meetings
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ํŠน์ • ๋ฏธํŒ…์—์„œ ์ž”์†Œ๋ฆฌ ์™•์ด์—ˆ๋Š”๋ฐ
12:29
where I used to be a prosecutor and was now delightful.
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์ด์ œ๋Š” ๊ฐ™์ด ์ผํ•˜๊ธฐ ์ฆ๊ฑฐ์›Œ์กŒ๋‹ค๋Š” ๋ง๋„ ์žˆ์—ˆ๊ณ 
12:32
One person said, โ€œHis ego is shrinking,โ€ which I think was a compliment.
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๋ˆ„๊ตฌ๋Š” ์ €์˜ โ€˜์—๊ณ ๊ฐ€ ์ค„์–ด๋“ค์—ˆ๋‹คโ€™๋˜๋ฐ ์นญ์ฐฌ ๊ฐ™์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:35
And another person said, โ€œHeโ€™s finding his heart,โ€
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ํ•œ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ โ€˜์ฐฉํ•œ ๋งˆ์Œ์„ ์ฐพ์•„๊ฐ€๊ณ  ์žˆ๋‹คโ€™๊ณ  ํ–ˆ์ฃ .
12:40
which the new me let pass.
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์ง€๊ธˆ์˜ ์ €๋Š” ์šฉ๋‚ฉํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
12:43
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
12:47
After she finished reading, my wife turned to me and said,
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์ œ ์•„๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๋‹ค ์ฝ๊ณ ๋Š” ์ด๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ๋งํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
12:50
"Congratulations, now you're boring."
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โ€œ์žฌ๋ฏธ ์—†์–ด์ง„ ๊ฑฐ ์ถ•ํ•˜ํ•ด.โ€
12:52
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
12:55
I'm hoping that was a joke because in my opinion,
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๋†๋‹ด์ด์—ˆ๊ฒ ์ฃ ? ์™œ๋ƒํ•˜๋ฉด ์ œ ์ƒ๊ฐ์—”
12:57
upping your love game is anything but boring.
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์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•  ์ค„ ์•„๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ์žฌ๋ฏธ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฑด ์—†๊ฑฐ๋“ ์š”.
12:59
Itโ€™s countercultural because it cuts against the never-enoughness
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์ผ๋‹จ ๋Œ€์„ธ ์—ญํ–‰์ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์‚ฌํšŒ๊ฐ€ ์ฃผ์ž…ํ•˜๋Š”, ์•„๋ฌด๋ฆฌ ํ•ด๋„ ๋ถ€์กฑํ•˜๊ณ  ๋’ค์ณ์ง„ ๋Š๋‚Œ์— ๋งž์„œ๋Š” ๊ฑฐ๋‹ˆ๊นŒ์š”.
13:02
and always-behindness that society seems to want us to feel.
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13:05
Itโ€™s courageous because itโ€™s hard to look at your demons.
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๋˜ํ•œ ๋งˆ์Œ ์†์˜ ์•…๋งˆ๋ฅผ ๋˜‘๋ฐ”๋กœ ๋งˆ์ฃผํ•˜๋Š” ์šฉ๊ฐํ•จ๋„ ์žˆ๊ณ ์š”.
13:08
And itโ€™s happiness-producing because when you high-five your demons,
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์•…๋งˆ๋“ค๊ณผ ํ•˜์ดํŒŒ์ด๋ธŒ ํ•  ๋•Œ์—” ์•…๋งˆ๋“ค์˜ ํž˜์ด ์•ฝํ•ด์ง€๊ธฐ์—
13:12
they don't own you as much.
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๋” ํ–‰๋ณตํ•ด์ง€๋Š” ๋ฐ๋‹ค,
13:13
And all of that makes you more generous and more available.
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์ด ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒŒ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋” ๋„ˆ๊ทธ๋Ÿฝ๊ณ  ์˜์ง€ ๋˜๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์œผ๋กœ ๋งŒ๋“ญ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:18
If that sounds grandiose or touchy-feely to you,
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ์„ค๋ช…์ด ๋„ˆ๋ฌด ๊ฑฐ์ฐฝํ•˜๊ณ  ์˜ค๊ธ€๊ฑฐ๋ ค์„œ ์™€ ๋‹ฟ์ง€ ์•Š๋Š”๋‹ค๋ฉด
13:20
let me put it to you another way.
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ์‹์œผ๋กœ ๋ง์”€ ๋“œ๋ฆฌ์ฃ .
13:23
The view is so much better when you pull your head out of your ass.
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์Šค์Šค๋กœ ๊ฐˆ๊ตฌ๋Š” ๋…ธ๋ ฅ์„ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์ข‹์€ ๊ณณ์— ๋Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฉด ์ธ์ƒ์ด ํ›จ์”ฌ ์ฆ๊ฒ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:27
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
13:30
Thank you very much.
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๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:31
(Applause)
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(๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
์ด ์›น์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ ์ •๋ณด

์ด ์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ๋Š” ์˜์–ด ํ•™์Šต์— ์œ ์šฉํ•œ YouTube ๋™์˜์ƒ์„ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ „ ์„ธ๊ณ„ ์ตœ๊ณ ์˜ ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ˆ˜์—…์„ ๋ณด๊ฒŒ ๋  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ ๋™์˜์ƒ ํŽ˜์ด์ง€์— ํ‘œ์‹œ๋˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ” ํด๋ฆญํ•˜๋ฉด ๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„œ ๋™์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋น„๋””์˜ค ์žฌ์ƒ์— ๋งž์ถฐ ์ž๋ง‰์ด ์Šคํฌ๋กค๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์˜๊ฒฌ์ด๋‚˜ ์š”์ฒญ์ด ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ ์ด ๋ฌธ์˜ ์–‘์‹์„ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•˜์—ฌ ๋ฌธ์˜ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.

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