What It's Like To Be a War Refugee | Zarlasht Halaimzai | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Helen Chang

I was born during a war

我在戰爭中出生，

that still engulfs my country, Afghanistan.

這場戰爭仍然在吞噬 我的祖國，阿富汗。

When I was growing up, violence was all around me.

我的成長過程中，

身邊都是暴力。

I remember sitting in my living room with my family

我還記得我坐在客廳裡，

和家人在一起，此時遠方砰的一聲

when a distant thud would jerk us all out of our seats.

讓我們全從椅子上跳起來。

As the sound of the rockets came closer and closer,

當飛彈的聲音越來越近，

our bodies would coil and freeze.

我們會蜷曲著身體不敢動彈。

My grandmother would take charge of her terrified flock

我的祖母會管好她那嚇壞的羊群，

and shepherd us into a room in the back of the house.

並引領我們進入 房子後面的一間房間。

No less exposed, but to us, it somehow felt safer.

那裡並不會比較隱蔽，

但我們不知怎麼的 就會感到比較安全。

I'd cling to my granny and clench my fists

我會黏著祖母，

緊握雙拳，納悶為什麼 我們會遇上這種事。

wondering why this was happening to us.

I clearly remember my little brother's face wincing

我清楚記得，每次聽到 有飛彈落下時，

every time we heard a rocket fall.

我弟弟的臉就會抽搐一下。

It was this violence,

正是這種暴力，

this war that still goes on today,

至今仍然未平息的這場戰爭，

which forced my family to leave our home.

迫使我的家人得要離開家園。

We left early one morning not knowing where we would end up.

某天一早我們離開了， 不知道會流落到何處。

Along the way, there was more violence.

一路上，只有更多的暴力。

We drove on roads with landmines,

我們在滿佈地雷的路上行駛， 不論我們到哪裡，

and everywhere we went, there was hostility.

都會感受到敵意。

The overriding memory in my body of those years

我體內對那段時光的主要記憶

is of feeling unsafe.

就是不安全感。

Feeling as though something terrible would happen to me

總覺得可怕的事情會發生在我身上，

or to my family.

或我家人身上。

We worried about our friends and family back home.

我們會擔心老家那裡的家人和朋友。

My grandmother was still in Kabul, and I missed her terribly.

我的祖母還在喀布爾，

我好思念她。

I'd go to bed at night and say the prayers she taught me

我晚上上床睡覺時， 會唸她教我的禱告詞，

to pray for her safety.

為她的平安禱告。

We wanted nothing more than to go back home.

我們想要的只有回家。

But when the Taliban took over the country in 1996,

但當塔利班在 1996 年 接管阿富汗時，

my parents realized that was no longer an option.

我父母了解到，

回家已經是不可能的事。

So after four years of living in exile,

過了四年的流亡生活之後，

we sought asylum in the UK and began a new life.

我們在英國尋求庇護，

開始了新生活。

I started going to school.

我開始上學。

And almost 25 years later, I'm standing here with you.

近二十五年後，

我在這裡站在大家面前。

I'm now working to help others overcome devastation by war.

我現在致力於協助他人 克服戰爭的蹂躪，

To overcome the trauma of being expendable.

克服命不值錢的創傷。

In my work,

在我的工作中，我會看到在

I see how living under constant threat of violence and feeling unsafe

不斷的暴力威脅以及不安全感下生活

can affect people,

對人會有什麼影響，

even when they manage to get out.

即使他們想辦法逃了出來。

War leaves a physical legacy in our body,

戰爭會留下很實在的印記，

印在我們的身、心、靈上。

our mind and in our spirit.

When I tell people about my life,

我跟別人訴說我的故事時， 他們有時會說這是個非凡的故事。

they sometimes say it's a remarkable story.

But this is not true.

但，不是這樣的。

Millions of people are living through war and displacement,

有數百萬人正在經歷戰爭以及遷移，

trying to survive.

試圖活下來。

For these people, like my family,

對這些人而言，就像我的家人一樣，

the dream isn't to get rich

夢想不是要發財，

or to go on vacations or to buy that perfect house.

或是去度假，

或是買到完美的房子。

They have a modest,

他們的夢想不大，

yet somehow still extravagant dream of being safe.

卻不知怎麼的，也顯得奢侈，

那個夢就是安全。

They dream of a day when they can go to the market

他們夢想有一天，能夠到市場去，

without the fear of violence.

不用懼怕暴力；

Or send their kids to school

或者送他們的孩子上學，

without being afraid for their lives.

不用為他們的生命安危擔心。

War is dislocating.

戰爭有很負面的影響。

It gets inside your body and makes you into a thing,

它會鑽入你的體內，

讓你變成只是一樣東西，

a corpse.

一具行屍。

It can dislodge empathy, hope and joy

戰爭會趕走同理心、希望，和喜悅，

and replace them with fear.

用恐懼取代它們。

The fear that comes from living in the violence of war

因為生活在戰爭暴力下所產生的恐懼

can break social bonds,

會打斷社會聯繫，

disbanding the very communities we rely on for safety.

打破提供我們安全的社群， 讓我們無法仰賴它們。

Women and children I work with complain about pain in their body.

我協助的女性和孩童 會抱怨身體上的痛苦。

Children as young as three or four talk about hurt in their bellies

三、四歲的孩童

會說他們的肚子痛，

and not because they're hungry.

且不是因為他們餓了。

It's a pain I know well.

這是我很熟悉的痛。

A constant, dull ache all over your body,

全身經常隱隱作痛，

and it feels as though nothing can alleviate it.

感覺就好像什麼都無法緩解它。

People have nightmares and experience overwhelming emotions:

這些人會作惡夢，

會感受到他們無法招架的情緒：

grief, sadness and anger.

悲慟、

哀傷、

憤怒。

"Why did I deserve this," they wonder.

他們會想：「為什麼受罪的是我？」

This is the situation facing 84 million forcibly displaced people.

要面臨這種狀況的，

是八千四百萬名被迫遷移的人。

And according to UNHCR, more than half are women and children.

根據聯合國難民署，

當中有超過一半是女性和孩童。

What's even more startling

更嚇人的

is the number of people living in active conflict zones.

是還生活在現行衝突區的人數。

According to Save the Children,

根據救助兒童會，

420 million children are growing up in places where violence is the norm.

有四億兩千萬兒童在暴力

稀鬆平常的地方長大。

These are families and children subject to forces they cannot control.

這些家庭和兒童面對的是 他們無法控制的力量。

Yet war and violence don't become normal.

但，戰爭和暴力不會讓人習慣的。

The stress and trauma experienced by people who go through war

經歷戰爭的人所感受到的壓力和創傷

is itself deadly.

本身就足以致命。

Illnesses like cancer,

疾病，如癌症、

diabetes and heart disease

糖尿病，

以及心臟病，

have been linked to trauma and chronic stress.

被發現和創傷及慢性壓力有關。

But it's the psychic pain that affects people the most.

但，對人影響是大的 是精神上的痛苦。

Depression, PTSD and other psychiatric disorders

憂鬱症、創傷後壓力症候群，

以及其他精神疾病

affect a significant percentage of people who go through war.

都會影響到相當多

經歷過戰爭的人。

I was shocked when I learned that since 9/11,

有件事讓我很震驚， 我發現九一一之後，

four times more US soldiers have taken their own lives

美國士兵當中選擇自殺的人數

than died in combat.

是戰死人數的四倍。

Reconciling to normal life after you've seen life-shattering war

在看過慘無人道的戰爭之後還要適應

正常的生活，

can be the hardest of tasks for a human being.

可能是人類最難辦到的事。

But mental health and healing are often overlooked

但在支持協助戰爭倖存者時，

常常會忽略了心理健康和療癒。

when supporting people who have survived war.

And that's why I set up Refugee Trauma Initiative,

那就是為什麼我設立了 「難民創傷計畫」，

to help support the mental health of those affected by war and displacement.

來協助支持受戰爭和遷移 所影響的人，改善他們的

心理健康。

Our organization is one of several around the world that helps people

世界各地還有數個像我們這樣的組織

想幫助這些人能夠再次感到安全。

so they can begin to feel safe again.

When feeling safe is splintered

當安全感被粉碎，

and you feel unsafe and unseen,

且你覺得不安全、沒被看見，

we work to help bring the internal safe system back online.

我們的工作就是 協助讓內在的安全系統

重新上線。

We create spaces where people can convene

我們創造出一些空間， 讓這些人能聚集在一起，

and heal as a community.

整個社群一起療癒。

In our groups, men, women and children reconnect with their bodies,

在我們的團體中，男性、女性、

兒童和他們的身體重新連結，

have the space to express what they are feeling,

有空間可以表述他們的感受，

and most importantly,

最重要的是，

reconnect with others.

也和他人重新連結。

We use art, mindfulness,

我們用藝術、

正念、舞蹈，及說故事，

dance and storytelling

to help make sense of the dislocating experiences of violence

協助讓暴力及被迫離開家園所帶來的

and of being forced to leave your home.

遷移經歷變得有意義。

And everything that we do is underpinned by value-based practice.

而我們所做的一切，

背後都有以價值 為基礎的做法來支持。

We practice understanding, curiosity

我們會練習了解、

好奇心，

and respect to everyone who comes through the door.

以及尊重每個走進來的人。

We recognize and acknowledge their trauma

我們承認他們的創傷，

without pathologizing or medicalizing their very normal human reaction

且不會用看待疾病的方式看待

他們在遭遇魯莾暴力之後

to the reckless violence they've experienced.

所做出的正常人性反應。

And we recognize that these experiences are the result of systemic injustice

且我們認為之所以會造成這些經驗，

原因是體制的不公

and oppression that often have colonial roots,

以及背後通常有著殖民緣由的壓迫，

which has dehumanized and killed people for centuries.

數百年來不將人視為人，任意殺害。

At the heart of our work is a simple yet fundamental notion

我們工作的核心， 是一種簡單但很重要的想法：

that feelings of safety

安全感

are inextricably tied to feeling connected to a community.

和與社群的連結感是密不可分的，

A community where you feel worthy and seen.

讓你覺得自己有價值 且被看見的社群，

Where your suffering will be recognized and cared for,

在這樣的社群中， 你的苦難會被看見、

會被平撫，

where you can experience belonging.

在這樣的社群中，你會有歸屬感。

Understanding how violence and conflict affects and changes people

了解暴力和衝突如何

影響及改變人，在此時特別重要。

is more important than ever.

Our world is embroiled in multiple chronic conflicts

我們的世界被捲入 數個長期的衝突中，

that seem to have no end in sight.

似乎看不見盡頭的衝突。

Since 1945, there have been 150 conflicts around the world,

從 1945 年前，全世界已經 發生了一百五十場衝突，

and the overwhelming majority of casualties have been civilians.

而受傷和死亡的人，絕大多數

都是平民。

We can't talk about this human toll of war

若要談到戰爭的傷亡人數，

without talking about the war industry.

就一定會談到戰爭產業。

The war on terror over the last 20 years unleashed a new kind of violence,

過去二十年針對恐怖份子 所發起的戰爭，

產生出了一種新的暴力，

displacing 38 million people.

讓三千八百萬人離鄉背井。

This is a war that made drone warfare the norm.

這類戰爭，讓使用無人機 成為戰爭的標準模式。

Drones enable automated extermination.

無人機讓殲滅任務能被自動化。

As we are moving closer and closer towards automation of war,

當我們不斷朝向

戰爭自動化邁進，

what happens when we outsource violence,

如果我們把暴力外包，會怎麼樣？

the extinguishing of a human life,

把消滅人類的工作

to a computer?

外包給電腦？

What happens to us as an interconnected global community

我們這個相互連結的全球共同體 又會面臨什麼樣的命運，

when a machine and not a human

如果是由機械而非人類來決定

decides whether a life is worth something?

一條生命是否有價值？

This is all bleak,

看來很黯淡，

but not hopeless.

但並非全無希望。

There's always room to adjust our trajectory to a better future.

總會有空間可以調整 我們的軌道，邁向更美好未來。

I'm standing here in the most powerful country in the world,

我現在站在世界上最強大的國家裡，

a citizen of the United Kingdom,

英國的公民，

two countries that have long held power over war and peace.

兩個國家長久以來都擁有主宰

戰爭和和平的大權。

And the first thing that we can do

而我們能做的第一件事，

is demand that our governments stop investing in mass destruction.

就是要求我們的政府

停止投資大規模毀滅。

At a time when we need to invest in tackling climate change

在此時，我們需要把資源投入 處理氣候變遷及健康照護，

and in health care,

our governments are financing weapons and drones.

我們的政府卻在資助武器和無人機。

Every vote that we cast should be against weapons of mass destruction,

我們投下的每一張選票都應該 反對大規模毀滅性武器，

against automation of war.

反對戰爭自動化。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

And you can do something in your own community.

你在你自己的圈子裡 也能盡一份心力。

Right now, there are literally millions of Afghans

現在，真的有數百萬名阿富汗人

who are brutally forced to leave their home.

被殘酷地強迫離開家園。

Like them, there are Syrians, Iraqis, Burundians

和他們一樣的還有敘利亞人、

伊拉克人、蒲隆地人，

who all have to deal with the fallout of war and displacement.

他們都得要面對戰爭的餘波

以及流離失所。

And the antidote to their suffering lies in the kindness and connection

而他們的苦難是有解藥的，

就是要仰賴他們所屬的社群

of the communities where they find themselves.

展現仁心及與他們連結。

If they can feel safe there,

如果在那裡，他們能感到安全，

they can begin to heal

他們就能開始療癒，

and start a new life.

並展開新的生活。

It's sometimes hard for us to see

有時，我們很難發現，

that the answers to some of the most complicated problems in the world

世界上一些最複雜的問題的答案，

lie in the simplest of human actions.

就藏在最簡單的人類舉動中。

It may sound too easy

聽起來好像太容易了，

that a good neighbor can help to heal the wounds of war.

好鄰居

能協助療癒戰爭造成的傷。

But in my experience, this is true.

但，根據我的經驗，的確如此。

Before we landed in London, after months of hardship,

在我們到倫敦落腳之前，

經過了幾個月的困苦生活，

we stopped in a poor neighborhood of a town in Central Asia.

我們停留在中亞 一個小鎮中的貧窮街坊。

I was forlorn, grief stricken

我孤苦伶仃，

極度悲傷，

and not yet able to imagine a future without violence.

還無法想像沒有暴力的未來。

One day, a neighborhood teacher knocked on our door.

有一天，

街坊的一位老師來敲我們的門。

When we opened the door,

我們打開門，看到 一位和藹的中年女子，

we saw a kindly middle-aged woman

carrying a box of pens, colored pencils,

帶著一個盒子，裡面是筆、色鉛筆、

paper and children's books.

紙張，和童書。

She asked my parents if she could come in and spend time with us.

她問我父母能否讓她進來 花些時間和我們相處。

They let her in, and from that day,

他們讓她進來，

那天之後，她幾乎天天 放學後都會來拜訪我們。

she visited us most days after school.

When I told her that I desperately wanted to go to school,

當我告訴她，我非常渴望能去上學，

she took me to her classroom,

她帶我到她的教室，

where the girls had prepared gifts.

在那裡，其他女孩準備好了禮物。

They taught me how to sing a song.

她們教我如何唱一首歌。

It wasn't long before we had to move on,

沒多久我們就得離開，

and once we left, I never saw her again.

我們離開後，我就沒有再見過她。

But what she did made me feel valued and safe.

但她所做的，讓我感到被重視，

給了我安全感。

The memory of that experience had left a blueprint

對那段經歷的記憶， 留下了一張藍圖，

of what it felt to inhabit my body,

描繪出如果能有那麼一刻， 沒有恐懼地活在我的身體裡面，

if only for a moment, without fear.

會是怎樣的感受——

A memory of joy and belonging.

喜悅及歸屬感的記憶。

And to this day, when I feel the opposite,

至今，

當我有相反的感受時， 我能閉上我的雙眼，

I can close my eyes and feel that connection.

感受那種連結。

And it carries me through the dark days.

它能幫助我度過黑暗的日子。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）