Why Change Is So Scary — and How to Unlock Its Potential | Maya Shankar | TED
393,220 views ・ 2023-07-25
请双击下面的英文字幕来播放视频。
翻译人员: Amy Guan
校对人员: Yip Yan Yeung
00:04
When I was a kid,
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当我还是孩子的时候,
00:05
the violin was the center of my life.
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小提琴是我生活的中心。
00:08
I'd run home from the bus stop
after school and practice for hours.
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放学后我从公交车站跑回家,
练习好几个小时的小提琴。
00:13
Every Saturday, my mom and I
would wake up at four in the morning
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每个星期六我和妈妈
早上四点就会醒来
00:16
to catch a train to New York
so I could study at Juliard.
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乘火车去纽约,这样我就可以
在茱莉亚音乐学院学习小提琴。
00:20
Here's a throwback to eight-year-old me
performing the violin.
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这是我八岁时拉小提琴的回忆。
00:24
Some questionable fashion choices
from young Maya here,
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诚实地讲,我对年少时的我
所做的时髦选择
00:27
not going to lie.
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还是存疑的。
00:30
But anyway, when I was a teenager,
my musical idol, Itzhak Perlman,
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但无论如何,当我十几岁的时候,
我的音乐偶像是伊扎克·帕尔曼(Itzhak Perlman)。
00:35
invited me to be his private student.
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他邀请我成为他的学生。
00:37
And my big dream of becoming
a concert violinist felt within reach.
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这使我想成为
小提琴家的梦想变得触手可及。
00:42
But then one morning when I was 15,
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但在我 15 岁那年的一个早上,
00:46
I was practicing this tricky
technical passage.
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我正在练习一段棘手的乐曲。
00:49
I struggled to get it right,
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我很努力地演奏,
00:50
and I overextended my finger
on a single note.
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并在一个音符上过度地伸长了手指。
00:53
I heard a popping sound.
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于是我听到砰的一声。
00:56
I’d permanently damaged
the tendons in my hand,
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我手上的肌腱永久受损了,
00:59
and my dream was over.
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我的梦想结束了。
01:01
I share this story
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我分享这个故事是
01:02
because unexpected change
happens to all of us.
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因为我们所有人
都会遇到意想不到的变故。
01:05
An accident or an illness,
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一场意外或一场疾病,
01:07
a relationship that suddenly ends.
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或是突然结束的一种关系。
01:10
Today, I'm not a violinist,
but I'm a cognitive scientist.
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今天我已不再是个小提琴手,
而是一名认知科学家。
01:13
And I'm interested in how we respond
to exactly this kind of change.
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我对我们如何应对这种变化很感兴趣。
01:18
I spent the past two decades
studying the science of human behavior.
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我花了二十年时间
来研究人类行为的科学。
01:22
And today I host a podcast called
"A Slight Change of Plans" --
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如今,我创办了一个播客,
名字是“轻微改变计划”——
01:26
(Audience cheers)
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(观众欢呼)
01:28
glad you guys like it --
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很高兴你们喜欢这个播客——
01:29
where I interview people
from all over the world
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在这个播客里,
我采访了来自世界各地的人,
01:32
about their life-altering experiences.
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了解改变他们生命的历程。
01:35
I started this podcast because change
is scary for a lot of us, am I right?
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我开这个播客是缘于改变对我们
很多人来说都是可怕的,对吗?
01:41
For one, it is filled with uncertainty,
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其一,它充满了不确定性,
01:43
and we hate uncertainty.
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而我们讨厌不确定性。
01:46
Research shows that we're more stressed
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有研究表明,当我们被告知
有 50% 的机率触电时
01:49
when we're told we have a 50 percent
chance of getting an electric shock
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我们感到的压力
要比有 100% 的机率触电
01:53
than when we're told we have
a 100 percent chance.
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还要大。
01:57
It's wild, right?
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听起来不可置信,对吧?
01:58
I mean, we'd rather be sure
that a bad thing is going to happen
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我的意思是,我们宁愿面对
坏事确定要发生
02:02
than to have to deal with any uncertainty.
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而不愿面对任何的不确定性。
02:05
Change is also scary
because it involves loss of some kind.
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改变是可怕的
还因为它意味着失去。
02:09
By definition, we're departing
from an old way of being
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理论上讲,“变故”意味着
我们正在脱离原有的生活方式,
02:12
and entering a new one.
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进入一个新的模式。
02:15
And when we experience a change
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当我们经历身不由己的
02:17
that we wouldn't
have chosen for ourselves,
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改变时,
02:19
it's easy to feel
that our lives are contracting,
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很容易感觉到
我们的生活正在经受压力,
02:22
that were more limited than before.
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且比以前更有受限感。
02:25
But when we take this perspective,
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但当我们从这个角度来看时,
02:27
we fail to account for an important fact.
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我们没有考虑到一个重要的事实。
02:30
That when an unexpected
change happens to us,
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当我们身上发生了
意想不到的变化时,
02:34
it can also inspire
lasting change within us.
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它也会激发出
发自内心的持久改变。
02:38
We become different people
on the other side of change.
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在经历改变的时候,
我们变成了另一个自己。
02:41
What we're capable of, what we value
and how we define ourselves,
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我们的能力、
价值以及我们如何定义自己,
02:45
these things can all shift.
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都在变化。
02:48
And if we can learn to pay close attention
to these internal shifts,
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如果我们能够学会密切关注
这些内在的转变,
02:52
we may just find that rather
than limiting us,
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我们可能会发现,
改变不是限制了我们,
02:56
change can actually expand us.
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而是让我们成长。
02:59
Alright, today I'm going to share with you
three questions you can ask yourself
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好吧,今天我要跟大家分享三个问题。
03:03
the next time life throws you
that dreaded curveball.
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当下次生活给你带来可怕的变故时,
你可以问自己的三个问题。
03:07
In the moment, I know it's so easy
to focus on what you've lost.
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此时此刻,我知道我们很容易
把注意力集中在你所失去的东西上。
03:10
And so I'm really hoping that you can use
these questions as tools
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所以我真的希望你可以问自己
这些问题,用它们来
03:14
to discover all that you might gain.
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发现你在改变中所得到的益处。
03:17
Alright, let’s start
with question number one.
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好吧,我们开始第一个问题。
03:20
This is inspired by a conversation
I had on my podcast
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这个问题是受到我在播客上
03:23
with a woman named Christine Ha,
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与一位名叫克里斯汀·哈
(Christine Ha)的女士的对话的启发,
03:25
and it's about our capabilities.
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它关乎于我们的能力。
03:29
Christine was 24 when a rare autoimmune
disease left her permanently blind.
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克里斯汀 24 岁时,患上了一种罕见的
自身免疫性疾病,并导致了她永久失明。
03:35
At the time, she was learning to cook
the Vietnamese dishes
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当时,她正在学习做越南菜,
03:37
that she had loved in childhood.
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那是她童年的最爱。
03:40
But now cooking even simple
meals was tough.
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但现在做简单的饭菜对她来讲都是难事。
03:44
She told me that her
frustration peaked one day
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她告诉我,有一天当她在做
花生酱和果冻三明治时,
03:46
when she was making
a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
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她的挫败感达到了顶峰。
03:50
She struggled to align
the two slices of bread
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她费力地将两片面包对齐,
03:53
and sticky jelly dripped all over
her hands and onto the counter.
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粘稠的果冻滴满了她的双手和台面。
03:57
She threw the sandwich into the trash,
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她把三明治扔进了垃圾桶,
04:00
and she felt really defeated
by the limited future
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她感觉自己真的很失败,
04:02
that she imagined for herself.
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她眼里的未来充满了局限性。
04:06
Since Christine lived alone though,
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由于克莉丝汀独自一个人生活,
04:07
she had no choice but to keep at it.
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她别无选择,只能坚持下去。
04:10
She remembers her delight
when she successfully cut an orange
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她记得
当她第一次成功地切开橙子时,
04:14
for the first time
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当她炒鸡蛋没有炒糊时,
04:16
and when she scrambled an egg
without burning it.
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她的喜悦之情溢于言表。
04:19
As she spent more hours in the kitchen,
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当她在厨房待的时间越来越多时,
04:22
she realized that cooking was far more
multi-sensory than she had thought.
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她意识到烹饪需要很多感官的参与,
远比她想象的多。
04:27
While she couldn't see
if the garlic had browned,
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虽然她看不见
大蒜变成了褐色,
04:30
she could rely on the smell
and the sizzling sounds in the pan.
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她可以依靠气味以及锅里滋滋作响的声音
来判断大蒜是否变了颜色。
04:36
But Christine also realized
something bigger.
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但克里斯汀还意识到了
一个更重要的事情。
04:39
Something new was emerging within her.
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她内心正在经历一些变化。
04:43
At the start of her vision loss
she had cooked just to get by.
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在她视力丧失之初,
她做饭只是为了生活。
04:46
I mean, it was really
just a practical thing.
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我的意思是,
这确实是一个很实用的手艺。
04:48
But now she was thrilled
by the challenge of it all.
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但现在她对这些挑战感到很兴奋。
04:51
She tackled harder and harder
recipes over the years
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多年来她学会了做越来越难的食谱
04:55
and eventually became
the first-ever blind contestant
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并最终成为
有史以来第一位
04:58
on the TV show "Master Chef."
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在电视节目《厨艺大师》中的
盲人参赛者。
05:01
And guess what?
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你猜怎么着?
05:02
She won the entire damn thing.
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她赢了这场厨艺比赛。
05:04
(Laughs)
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(笑)
05:06
Christine's a rock star.
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克里斯汀太牛了。
05:08
She's an amazing, amazing person.
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她是一个非常了不起的人。
05:11
This brings us to the first question
that you can ask yourself
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这引出了我们可以问自己的第一个问题。
05:14
the next time you face
something unexpected.
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下次当你遇到意想不到的变故时。
05:18
"How might this change
change what you're capable of?"
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“这会如何改变你的能力?”
05:24
When we predict how we'll respond
to any given change,
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当我们预测我们将
如何应对任何确定的变化时,
05:27
we tend to imagine what our present-day
selves will be like in that new situation.
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我们会想象现在的自己
在新的情况下会是个什么样子。
05:33
Research by the psychologist Dan Gilbert
shows that we greatly underestimate
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心理学家丹·吉尔伯特(Dan Gilbert)的
研究表明,我们大大低估了
05:37
how much we'll change in the future,
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未来我们会有多大的改变。
05:39
even though we fully acknowledge
we've changed considerably in the past.
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尽管我们承认我们过去
已经发生了很大的变化。
05:43
Our psychology continually
tricks us into believing
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我们的内心
不断地说服我们相信
05:47
that who we are, right now,
in this very moment,
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此时此刻我们还是
05:50
is the person that's here to stay.
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老样子。
05:54
But the person meeting the challenges
after an unexpected change
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但在意想不到的变故之后
那些迎接挑战的人
05:57
will be different.
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会有所不同。
05:59
You will be different.
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你也会有所不同。
06:01
Today, Christine is a world-renowned chef.
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如今,克里斯汀是一位世界知名的厨师。
06:05
She goes by the nickname The Blind Cook,
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人称“盲人厨师”,
06:07
and she owns three restaurants in Texas.
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她在德克萨斯州拥有三家餐馆。
06:11
And importantly,
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重要的是,
06:12
she's really curious about what else
she can achieve without vision.
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她真的很好奇,如果没有失明,
她会取得什么样的成就。
06:17
These days, you can find her
snowboarding and rock climbing
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如今,你可以看到她周末
06:21
on the weekends.
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去滑雪和攀岩。
06:25
Christine shared with me something
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克里斯汀与我分享了一些感想,
06:26
that she could never have imagined
thinking before all this.
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那是她在这一切发生之前根本无法想象的。
06:30
That if given the choice today,
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如果今天可以选择的话,
06:32
she would choose not to have
her vision restored.
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她会选择不恢复视力。
06:37
Though she did tell me
she'd like it back for a moment
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虽然她确实告诉过我
她想暂时恢复一会儿视力,
06:39
because she really wants to know
what Justin Bieber looks like.
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因为她真的很想知道
贾斯汀·比伯长什么样。
06:43
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
06:44
Alright, let's move on
to the second question.
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好吧,我们继续第二个问题。
06:47
This one is about our values,
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这是关于我们的价值观,
06:49
and it's inspired by a conversation I had
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它的灵感来自于我与一位科学记者的对话,
06:51
with a science journalist
named Florence Williams.
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他的名字叫弗洛伦斯·威廉姆斯
(Florence Williams)。
06:55
One evening about five years ago,
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大约五年前的一个晚上,
06:57
Florence and her husband were hosting
a dinner party for their friends.
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弗洛伦斯和她的丈夫
正在为朋友们举办晚宴。
07:01
As she was preparing the salad,
her husband handed her his phone
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当她准备沙拉时,她丈夫把手机递给她
07:04
so that she could read
an email from a relative.
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这样她就可以阅读亲戚发来的电子邮件。
07:07
But he'd mistakenly
pulled up the wrong email.
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但他却阴差阳错地
点击了错误的邮件。
07:10
What Florence saw instead
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弗洛伦斯看到的
07:12
was a lengthy note from her husband,
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是她丈夫写的一封长信,
07:14
confessing his love to another woman.
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向另一个女人表白了他的爱。
07:18
I know.
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我知道,
07:21
Florence’s 25-year marriage
came to an end,
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弗洛伦斯 25 年的婚姻结束了,
07:25
and she told me that she was taken aback
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她告诉我,她对自己
身心受挫的严重程度
07:27
by the physical and emotional
intensity of her heartbreak.
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感到震惊。
07:31
She said it felt like she'd been plugged
into a faulty electrical socket.
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她说,感觉自己就像插在了
一个有故障的电源插座上。
07:36
Since Florence is a problem
solver by nature,
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由于弗洛伦斯天生就是
一个喜欢解决问题的人,
07:38
she instinctively saw her heartbreak
as a problem to solve
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她本能地将心碎视为
一个需要解决的问题,
07:42
and develop a year-long,
systematic plan to try and fix it.
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并制定了一个为期一年的
系统性规划来尝试解决它。
07:48
Florence tried a bunch of things.
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弗洛伦斯尝试了很多事情。
07:51
She took solo trips into the wilderness,
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她独自去荒野旅行,她尝试了一系列的
07:53
she tried a range
of experimental therapies,
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实验疗法,
07:56
She even went to the Museum
of Broken Relationships,
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她甚至还去了失恋博物馆,
08:00
which I promise is the thing.
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真的有。
08:02
You name it, she tried it.
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你能想到的,她都试过了。
08:06
But by the end of the year,
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但到了年底,
08:07
none of these remedies
had healed her broken heart.
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这些补救措施都没能
治愈她受伤的心。
08:11
And so Florence had no choice
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所以弗洛伦斯别无选择,
08:13
but to entertain
a new philosophy altogether.
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只能尝试一种新的方法。
08:18
Maybe a broken heart
was not a problem to solve.
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也许这是一颗破碎的心
而不是一个需要解决的问题。
08:22
And maybe closure wasn't the answer.
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也许解决这个问题并不是答案。
08:26
Research by the psychologist
Dacher Keltner shows
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心理学家达切尔·凯尔特纳
(Dacher Keltner)的研究表明
08:29
that when we reduce our need
for what's called cognitive closure,
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当我们消除认知封闭,
08:32
the desire to arrive at clear
and definitive answers,
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对渴望得到清晰明确的
答案的需求减少时,
08:36
our capacity to feel joy
and beauty expands.
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我们感受快乐和美好的能力会不断增强。
08:41
Florence told me that when she freed
herself from this goal-oriented mindset,
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弗洛伦斯告诉我,
当她摆脱这种以目标为导向的心态时,
08:46
a mindset, by the way,
that she had valued
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顺便说一句,
在她生命中的大部分时间里,
08:48
for so much of her life
up until this point,
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她很看重这种心态。
08:51
she began to find unexpected
delight in the unknown.
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现在她开始在未知中找到意想不到的快乐。
08:55
This leads us to the second question
you can ask yourself
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这就引出了你可以
在下次遇到意想不到的事情时,
08:58
the next time you face
something unexpected.
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问自己的第二个问题:
09:01
How might this change
change what you value?
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它会如何改变您的价值观?
09:06
The unexpected implosion
of Florence's marriage
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弗洛伦斯婚姻的意外破裂
09:09
has permanently shifted the way
that she sees her life.
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永久地改变了她看待自己生活的方式。
09:13
From a puzzle in need of solutions
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从需要解决方案的难题
09:15
to a more serendipitous path of discovery.
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到不经意的探索之路。
09:19
Now, when Florence goes hiking,
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现在,当佛罗伦萨去远足时,
09:21
she's just as likely to sit still,
feeling the breeze,
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她很可能会在登顶的途中
静静地坐着,
09:24
as she is to try and make the summit.
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感受徐徐的微风。
09:28
She no longer makes five-year plans.
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她不再制定五年计划。
09:32
And she's comfortable not knowing
all the answers around her heartbreak.
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她不再纠结去
解开她心碎的所有答案。
09:38
By the way, I was texting
with Florence the other day,
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顺便说一句,
前几天我给弗洛伦斯发短信,
09:41
and she's currently in a very
happy relationship.
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她目前拥有一段非常幸福的关系。
09:44
If her ex-husband is listening to this,
I just want him to know
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如果她的前夫现在在听,
我只想让他知道
09:48
she's doing great, buddy.
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她现在好着呢,老弟。
09:50
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
09:53
Alright, now on to question number three.
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好,现在来说第三个问题。
09:56
This one is about how we define ourselves.
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这是关于我们如何定义自己的问题。
09:58
It's about our self-identities.
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这是关于我们的自我认同。
10:01
And it comes from my personal story
of change with the violin.
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它是我所经历的关于小提琴的故事。
10:06
When my injury took
the violin away from me,
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当我受伤的时候,
小提琴已不再是我生活的一部分,
10:09
I found myself grieving
not just the loss of the instrument,
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我发现自己很难过,
不仅是因为再也不能拉小提琴了,
10:13
but also the loss of myself.
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而且迷失了对自我的认知。
10:16
For so long, the violin had defined me,
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长期以来,小提琴是我的全部,
10:18
that without it, I wasn't sure
who I was or who I could be.
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没有了它,我不再确定我是谁或我能成为谁。
10:22
I felt stuck.
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我感觉自己陷入了困境,无法自拔。
10:24
I'd later learned that this phenomenon
is known as identity paralysis.
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我后来了解到这种现象被称为身份障碍。
10:28
It happens to a lot of us
when we face the unexpected.
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当我们面对意外的时候,
这会现象会发生在我们很多人身上。
10:31
Who we think we are and what we're about
is suddenly called into question.
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我们认定的自我及关于自我的一切
突然受到质疑。
10:38
But I since realized
that there was something different,
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但我从此意识到了
一些不同的观念,
10:41
something more stable that I could
have anchored my identity to.
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我可以将自己的身份
锚定在更稳定的事物上。
10:46
And this brings us to that third
and final question.
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这给我们带来了第三个
也是最后一个问题。
10:49
How might this change
change how you define yourself?
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这会如何改变
你怎样定义自己?
10:56
When I re-examine
my relationship with the violin,
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当我重新审视
我和小提琴的关系时,
10:58
I discovered that what I really missed
wasn't the instrument itself,
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我发现我真正怀念的并不是小提琴本身,
11:03
but the fact that music
had given me a vehicle
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而是音乐赋予我的
11:05
for connecting emotionally with others.
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与他人建立情感联系的纽带。
11:08
I remember as a little kid
playing for people
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我记得小时候为人们演奏时
11:12
and feeling kind of awestruck
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充满对音乐的敬畏之情,
11:13
that we might all feel
something new together.
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那是我们可能都会感受到的新东西。
11:18
What this means for me today
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今天这对我来说意味着我不再锚定
11:19
is that I no longer anchor
my identity to specific pursuits
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某种特定的追求和目标,
11:25
like being a violinist
or a cognitive scientist
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比如成为一名小提琴家
或认知科学家
11:27
or a podcaster.
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或者播客博主。
11:29
Instead, I anchor my identity
to what lights me up about those pursuits,
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相反,我锚定我的身份
在那些可以点燃我的热情,
11:35
what really energizes me.
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并真正让我充满活力的事情上。
11:37
And for me, it's a love
of human connection and understanding.
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对我来说,这是一种来自于
人与人之间的联系和理解的关爱。
11:42
I now define myself not by what I do,
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3879
我现在定义自己的标准不是我做了什么,
11:46
but why I do it.
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而是我为什么这么做。
11:50
Look, unexpected change comes for us all,
whether we like it or not.
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5339
好吧,无论我们喜欢与否,
我们所有人都会遇到意想不到的变化。
11:56
And when it does, it can really suck.
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当它发生时,它真的很糟糕。
11:59
But I'm hoping that if we can stay open
to how we might internally change,
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但我希望,
如果我们能够对内心的改变及
12:05
how we might expand,
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如何成长保持开放的态度,
12:07
it can help us weather the storm.
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它可以帮助我们渡过难关。
12:11
Life recently threw me
a new slight change of plans.
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我的生活最近发生了轻微改变。
12:17
I've always wanted to be a mom,
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我一直想成为一名母亲,
12:18
but becoming one has been difficult
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但成为一名母亲很困难,
12:20
and my husband and I
have had to navigate pregnancy losses
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我和我的丈夫
不得不面对流产的困境
12:24
and other heartbreaks over the years.
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以及多年来的各种心酸事。
12:27
And now I'm not sure what will happen.
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现在我不确定会发生什么。
12:31
But I'm using these three questions
to help me during this tough time.
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但我正在用这三个问题来帮助
我度过这段艰难的时期。
12:36
I'm asking myself
how this unexpected challenge
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我问自己
这个意想不到的挑战如何
12:40
might change what I'm capable of,
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改变我的能力、
12:43
what I value, and how I define myself.
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我的价值观以及我如何定义自己。
12:49
I'm still figuring things out.
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我还在想办法。
12:52
But what I can tell you right now
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但我现在可以告诉你的是,
12:54
is that I'm imagining a future me
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我正在想象一个未来的我
12:57
who is expanding her definition
of what it means to parent.
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成为父母意味着什么。
13:02
Who's perhaps finding what she craved
from motherhood in other places.
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她也许在其他地方找到了
身为人母所渴望的东西。
13:07
At a minimum,
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至少,
13:08
this exploration has allowed me
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这次探索让我
13:10
to loosen my grip on the identity
of Mom just a bit.
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稍微放下我对妈妈这一身份的渴望。
13:15
And I found it freeing.
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我发现这种探索变得自由自在。
13:18
I'm beginning to see change
with more possibility.
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我开始看到有更多可能性的变化。
13:21
And I'm hoping you can, too.
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我希望你也可以。
13:23
Thank you so much.
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非常感谢。
13:25
(Applause)
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(掌声)
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