Why Change Is So Scary — and How to Unlock Its Potential | Maya Shankar | TED

翻译人员: Amy Guan 校对人员: Yip Yan Yeung

When I was a kid,

当我还是孩子的时候，

the violin was the center of my life.

小提琴是我生活的中心。

I'd run home from the bus stop after school and practice for hours.

放学后我从公交车站跑回家， 练习好几个小时的小提琴。

Every Saturday, my mom and I would wake up at four in the morning

每个星期六我和妈妈 早上四点就会醒来

to catch a train to New York so I could study at Juliard.

乘火车去纽约，这样我就可以 在茱莉亚音乐学院学习小提琴。

Here's a throwback to eight-year-old me performing the violin.

这是我八岁时拉小提琴的回忆。

Some questionable fashion choices from young Maya here,

诚实地讲，我对年少时的我 所做的时髦选择

not going to lie.

还是存疑的。

But anyway, when I was a teenager, my musical idol, Itzhak Perlman,

但无论如何，当我十几岁的时候， 我的音乐偶像是伊扎克·帕尔曼（Itzhak Perlman）。

invited me to be his private student.

他邀请我成为他的学生。

And my big dream of becoming a concert violinist felt within reach.

这使我想成为 小提琴家的梦想变得触手可及。

But then one morning when I was 15,

但在我 15 岁那年的一个早上，

I was practicing this tricky technical passage.

我正在练习一段棘手的乐曲。

I struggled to get it right,

我很努力地演奏，

and I overextended my finger on a single note.

并在一个音符上过度地伸长了手指。

I heard a popping sound.

于是我听到砰的一声。

I’d permanently damaged the tendons in my hand,

我手上的肌腱永久受损了，

and my dream was over.

我的梦想结束了。

I share this story

我分享这个故事是

because unexpected change happens to all of us.

因为我们所有人 都会遇到意想不到的变故。

An accident or an illness,

一场意外或一场疾病，

a relationship that suddenly ends.

或是突然结束的一种关系。

Today, I'm not a violinist, but I'm a cognitive scientist.

今天我已不再是个小提琴手， 而是一名认知科学家。

And I'm interested in how we respond to exactly this kind of change.

我对我们如何应对这种变化很感兴趣。

I spent the past two decades studying the science of human behavior.

我花了二十年时间 来研究人类行为的科学。

And today I host a podcast called "A Slight Change of Plans" --

如今，我创办了一个播客， 名字是“轻微改变计划”——

(Audience cheers)

（观众欢呼）

glad you guys like it --

很高兴你们喜欢这个播客——

where I interview people from all over the world

在这个播客里， 我采访了来自世界各地的人，

about their life-altering experiences.

了解改变他们生命的历程。

I started this podcast because change is scary for a lot of us, am I right?

我开这个播客是缘于改变对我们 很多人来说都是可怕的，对吗？

For one, it is filled with uncertainty,

其一，它充满了不确定性，

and we hate uncertainty.

而我们讨厌不确定性。

Research shows that we're more stressed

有研究表明，当我们被告知 有 50% 的机率触电时

when we're told we have a 50 percent chance of getting an electric shock

我们感到的压力 要比有 100% 的机率触电

than when we're told we have a 100 percent chance.

还要大。

It's wild, right?

听起来不可置信，对吧？

I mean, we'd rather be sure that a bad thing is going to happen

我的意思是，我们宁愿面对 坏事确定要发生

than to have to deal with any uncertainty.

而不愿面对任何的不确定性。

Change is also scary because it involves loss of some kind.

改变是可怕的 还因为它意味着失去。

By definition, we're departing from an old way of being

理论上讲，“变故”意味着 我们正在脱离原有的生活方式，

and entering a new one.

进入一个新的模式。

And when we experience a change

当我们经历身不由己的

that we wouldn't have chosen for ourselves,

改变时，

it's easy to feel that our lives are contracting,

很容易感觉到 我们的生活正在经受压力，

that were more limited than before.

且比以前更有受限感。

But when we take this perspective,

但当我们从这个角度来看时，

we fail to account for an important fact.

我们没有考虑到一个重要的事实。

That when an unexpected change happens to us,

当我们身上发生了 意想不到的变化时，

it can also inspire lasting change within us.

它也会激发出 发自内心的持久改变。

We become different people on the other side of change.

在经历改变的时候， 我们变成了另一个自己。

What we're capable of, what we value and how we define ourselves,

我们的能力、 价值以及我们如何定义自己，

these things can all shift.

都在变化。

And if we can learn to pay close attention to these internal shifts,

如果我们能够学会密切关注 这些内在的转变，

we may just find that rather than limiting us,

我们可能会发现， 改变不是限制了我们，

change can actually expand us.

而是让我们成长。

Alright, today I'm going to share with you three questions you can ask yourself

好吧，今天我要跟大家分享三个问题。

the next time life throws you that dreaded curveball.

当下次生活给你带来可怕的变故时， 你可以问自己的三个问题。

In the moment, I know it's so easy to focus on what you've lost.

此时此刻，我知道我们很容易 把注意力集中在你所失去的东西上。

And so I'm really hoping that you can use these questions as tools

所以我真的希望你可以问自己 这些问题，用它们来

to discover all that you might gain.

发现你在改变中所得到的益处。

Alright, let’s start with question number one.

好吧，我们开始第一个问题。

This is inspired by a conversation I had on my podcast

这个问题是受到我在播客上

with a woman named Christine Ha,

与一位名叫克里斯汀·哈 （Christine Ha）的女士的对话的启发，

and it's about our capabilities.

它关乎于我们的能力。

Christine was 24 when a rare autoimmune disease left her permanently blind.

克里斯汀 24 岁时，患上了一种罕见的 自身免疫性疾病，并导致了她永久失明。

At the time, she was learning to cook the Vietnamese dishes

当时，她正在学习做越南菜，

that she had loved in childhood.

那是她童年的最爱。

But now cooking even simple meals was tough.

但现在做简单的饭菜对她来讲都是难事。

She told me that her frustration peaked one day

她告诉我，有一天当她在做 花生酱和果冻三明治时，

when she was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

她的挫败感达到了顶峰。

She struggled to align the two slices of bread

她费力地将两片面包对齐，

and sticky jelly dripped all over her hands and onto the counter.

粘稠的果冻滴满了她的双手和台面。

She threw the sandwich into the trash,

她把三明治扔进了垃圾桶，

and she felt really defeated by the limited future

她感觉自己真的很失败，

that she imagined for herself.

她眼里的未来充满了局限性。

Since Christine lived alone though,

由于克莉丝汀独自一个人生活，

she had no choice but to keep at it.

她别无选择，只能坚持下去。

She remembers her delight when she successfully cut an orange

她记得 当她第一次成功地切开橙子时，

for the first time

当她炒鸡蛋没有炒糊时，

and when she scrambled an egg without burning it.

她的喜悦之情溢于言表。

As she spent more hours in the kitchen,

当她在厨房待的时间越来越多时，

she realized that cooking was far more multi-sensory than she had thought.

她意识到烹饪需要很多感官的参与， 远比她想象的多。

While she couldn't see if the garlic had browned,

虽然她看不见 大蒜变成了褐色，

she could rely on the smell and the sizzling sounds in the pan.

她可以依靠气味以及锅里滋滋作响的声音 来判断大蒜是否变了颜色。

But Christine also realized something bigger.

但克里斯汀还意识到了 一个更重要的事情。

Something new was emerging within her.

她内心正在经历一些变化。

At the start of her vision loss she had cooked just to get by.

在她视力丧失之初， 她做饭只是为了生活。

I mean, it was really just a practical thing.

我的意思是， 这确实是一个很实用的手艺。

But now she was thrilled by the challenge of it all.

但现在她对这些挑战感到很兴奋。

She tackled harder and harder recipes over the years

多年来她学会了做越来越难的食谱

and eventually became the first-ever blind contestant

并最终成为 有史以来第一位

on the TV show "Master Chef."

在电视节目《厨艺大师》中的 盲人参赛者。

And guess what?

你猜怎么着？

She won the entire damn thing.

她赢了这场厨艺比赛。

(Laughs)

（笑）

Christine's a rock star.

克里斯汀太牛了。

She's an amazing, amazing person.

她是一个非常了不起的人。

This brings us to the first question that you can ask yourself

这引出了我们可以问自己的第一个问题。

the next time you face something unexpected.

下次当你遇到意想不到的变故时。

"How might this change change what you're capable of?"

“这会如何改变你的能力？”

When we predict how we'll respond to any given change,

当我们预测我们将 如何应对任何确定的变化时，

we tend to imagine what our present-day selves will be like in that new situation.

我们会想象现在的自己 在新的情况下会是个什么样子。

Research by the psychologist Dan Gilbert shows that we greatly underestimate

心理学家丹·吉尔伯特（Dan Gilbert）的 研究表明，我们大大低估了

how much we'll change in the future,

未来我们会有多大的改变。

even though we fully acknowledge we've changed considerably in the past.

尽管我们承认我们过去 已经发生了很大的变化。

Our psychology continually tricks us into believing

我们的内心 不断地说服我们相信

that who we are, right now, in this very moment,

此时此刻我们还是

is the person that's here to stay.

老样子。

But the person meeting the challenges after an unexpected change

但在意想不到的变故之后 那些迎接挑战的人

will be different.

会有所不同。

You will be different.

你也会有所不同。

Today, Christine is a world-renowned chef.

如今，克里斯汀是一位世界知名的厨师。

She goes by the nickname The Blind Cook,

人称“盲人厨师”，

and she owns three restaurants in Texas.

她在德克萨斯州拥有三家餐馆。

And importantly,

重要的是，

she's really curious about what else she can achieve without vision.

她真的很好奇，如果没有失明， 她会取得什么样的成就。

These days, you can find her snowboarding and rock climbing

如今，你可以看到她周末

on the weekends.

去滑雪和攀岩。

Christine shared with me something

克里斯汀与我分享了一些感想，

that she could never have imagined thinking before all this.

那是她在这一切发生之前根本无法想象的。

That if given the choice today,

如果今天可以选择的话，

she would choose not to have her vision restored.

她会选择不恢复视力。

Though she did tell me she'd like it back for a moment

虽然她确实告诉过我 她想暂时恢复一会儿视力，

because she really wants to know what Justin Bieber looks like.

因为她真的很想知道 贾斯汀·比伯长什么样。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Alright, let's move on to the second question.

好吧，我们继续第二个问题。

This one is about our values,

这是关于我们的价值观，

and it's inspired by a conversation I had

它的灵感来自于我与一位科学记者的对话，

with a science journalist named Florence Williams.

他的名字叫弗洛伦斯·威廉姆斯 （Florence Williams）。

One evening about five years ago,

大约五年前的一个晚上，

Florence and her husband were hosting a dinner party for their friends.

弗洛伦斯和她的丈夫 正在为朋友们举办晚宴。

As she was preparing the salad, her husband handed her his phone

当她准备沙拉时，她丈夫把手机递给她

so that she could read an email from a relative.

这样她就可以阅读亲戚发来的电子邮件。

But he'd mistakenly pulled up the wrong email.

但他却阴差阳错地 点击了错误的邮件。

What Florence saw instead

弗洛伦斯看到的

was a lengthy note from her husband,

是她丈夫写的一封长信，

confessing his love to another woman.

向另一个女人表白了他的爱。

I know.

我知道，

Florence’s 25-year marriage came to an end,

弗洛伦斯 25 年的婚姻结束了，

and she told me that she was taken aback

她告诉我，她对自己 身心受挫的严重程度

by the physical and emotional intensity of her heartbreak.

感到震惊。

She said it felt like she'd been plugged into a faulty electrical socket.

她说，感觉自己就像插在了 一个有故障的电源插座上。

Since Florence is a problem solver by nature,

由于弗洛伦斯天生就是 一个喜欢解决问题的人，

she instinctively saw her heartbreak as a problem to solve

她本能地将心碎视为 一个需要解决的问题，

and develop a year-long, systematic plan to try and fix it.

并制定了一个为期一年的 系统性规划来尝试解决它。

Florence tried a bunch of things.

弗洛伦斯尝试了很多事情。

She took solo trips into the wilderness,

她独自去荒野旅行，她尝试了一系列的

she tried a range of experimental therapies,

实验疗法，

She even went to the Museum of Broken Relationships,

她甚至还去了失恋博物馆，

which I promise is the thing.

真的有。

You name it, she tried it.

你能想到的，她都试过了。

But by the end of the year,

但到了年底，

none of these remedies had healed her broken heart.

这些补救措施都没能 治愈她受伤的心。

And so Florence had no choice

所以弗洛伦斯别无选择，

but to entertain a new philosophy altogether.

只能尝试一种新的方法。

Maybe a broken heart was not a problem to solve.

也许这是一颗破碎的心 而不是一个需要解决的问题。

And maybe closure wasn't the answer.

也许解决这个问题并不是答案。

Research by the psychologist Dacher Keltner shows

心理学家达切尔·凯尔特纳 （Dacher Keltner）的研究表明

that when we reduce our need for what's called cognitive closure,

当我们消除认知封闭，

the desire to arrive at clear and definitive answers,

对渴望得到清晰明确的 答案的需求减少时，

our capacity to feel joy and beauty expands.

我们感受快乐和美好的能力会不断增强。

Florence told me that when she freed herself from this goal-oriented mindset,

弗洛伦斯告诉我， 当她摆脱这种以目标为导向的心态时，

a mindset, by the way, that she had valued

顺便说一句， 在她生命中的大部分时间里，

for so much of her life up until this point,

她很看重这种心态。

she began to find unexpected delight in the unknown.

现在她开始在未知中找到意想不到的快乐。

This leads us to the second question you can ask yourself

这就引出了你可以 在下次遇到意想不到的事情时，

the next time you face something unexpected.

问自己的第二个问题：

How might this change change what you value?

它会如何改变您的价值观？

The unexpected implosion of Florence's marriage

弗洛伦斯婚姻的意外破裂

has permanently shifted the way that she sees her life.

永久地改变了她看待自己生活的方式。

From a puzzle in need of solutions

从需要解决方案的难题

to a more serendipitous path of discovery.

到不经意的探索之路。

Now, when Florence goes hiking,

现在，当佛罗伦萨去远足时，

she's just as likely to sit still, feeling the breeze,

她很可能会在登顶的途中 静静地坐着，

as she is to try and make the summit.

感受徐徐的微风。

She no longer makes five-year plans.

她不再制定五年计划。

And she's comfortable not knowing all the answers around her heartbreak.

她不再纠结去 解开她心碎的所有答案。

By the way, I was texting with Florence the other day,

顺便说一句， 前几天我给弗洛伦斯发短信，

and she's currently in a very happy relationship.

她目前拥有一段非常幸福的关系。

If her ex-husband is listening to this, I just want him to know

如果她的前夫现在在听， 我只想让他知道

she's doing great, buddy.

她现在好着呢，老弟。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Alright, now on to question number three.

好，现在来说第三个问题。

This one is about how we define ourselves.

这是关于我们如何定义自己的问题。

It's about our self-identities.

这是关于我们的自我认同。

And it comes from my personal story of change with the violin.

它是我所经历的关于小提琴的故事。

When my injury took the violin away from me,

当我受伤的时候， 小提琴已不再是我生活的一部分，

I found myself grieving not just the loss of the instrument,

我发现自己很难过， 不仅是因为再也不能拉小提琴了，

but also the loss of myself.

而且迷失了对自我的认知。

For so long, the violin had defined me,

长期以来，小提琴是我的全部，

that without it, I wasn't sure who I was or who I could be.

没有了它，我不再确定我是谁或我能成为谁。

I felt stuck.

我感觉自己陷入了困境，无法自拔。

I'd later learned that this phenomenon is known as identity paralysis.

我后来了解到这种现象被称为身份障碍。

It happens to a lot of us when we face the unexpected.

当我们面对意外的时候， 这会现象会发生在我们很多人身上。

Who we think we are and what we're about is suddenly called into question.

我们认定的自我及关于自我的一切 突然受到质疑。

But I since realized that there was something different,

但我从此意识到了 一些不同的观念，

something more stable that I could have anchored my identity to.

我可以将自己的身份 锚定在更稳定的事物上。

And this brings us to that third and final question.

这给我们带来了第三个 也是最后一个问题。

How might this change change how you define yourself?

这会如何改变 你怎样定义自己？

When I re-examine my relationship with the violin,

当我重新审视 我和小提琴的关系时，

I discovered that what I really missed wasn't the instrument itself,

我发现我真正怀念的并不是小提琴本身，

but the fact that music had given me a vehicle

而是音乐赋予我的

for connecting emotionally with others.

与他人建立情感联系的纽带。

I remember as a little kid playing for people

我记得小时候为人们演奏时

and feeling kind of awestruck

充满对音乐的敬畏之情，

that we might all feel something new together.

那是我们可能都会感受到的新东西。

What this means for me today

今天这对我来说意味着我不再锚定

is that I no longer anchor my identity to specific pursuits

某种特定的追求和目标，

like being a violinist or a cognitive scientist

比如成为一名小提琴家 或认知科学家

or a podcaster.

或者播客博主。

Instead, I anchor my identity to what lights me up about those pursuits,

相反，我锚定我的身份 在那些可以点燃我的热情，

what really energizes me.

并真正让我充满活力的事情上。

And for me, it's a love of human connection and understanding.

对我来说，这是一种来自于 人与人之间的联系和理解的关爱。

I now define myself not by what I do,

我现在定义自己的标准不是我做了什么，

but why I do it.

而是我为什么这么做。

Look, unexpected change comes for us all, whether we like it or not.

好吧，无论我们喜欢与否， 我们所有人都会遇到意想不到的变化。

And when it does, it can really suck.

当它发生时，它真的很糟糕。

But I'm hoping that if we can stay open to how we might internally change,

但我希望， 如果我们能够对内心的改变及

how we might expand,

如何成长保持开放的态度，

it can help us weather the storm.

它可以帮助我们渡过难关。

Life recently threw me a new slight change of plans.

我的生活最近发生了轻微改变。

I've always wanted to be a mom,

我一直想成为一名母亲，

but becoming one has been difficult

但成为一名母亲很困难，

and my husband and I have had to navigate pregnancy losses

我和我的丈夫 不得不面对流产的困境

and other heartbreaks over the years.

以及多年来的各种心酸事。

And now I'm not sure what will happen.

现在我不确定会发生什么。

But I'm using these three questions to help me during this tough time.

但我正在用这三个问题来帮助 我度过这段艰难的时期。

I'm asking myself how this unexpected challenge

我问自己 这个意想不到的挑战如何

might change what I'm capable of,

改变我的能力、

what I value, and how I define myself.

我的价值观以及我如何定义自己。

I'm still figuring things out.

我还在想办法。

But what I can tell you right now

但我现在可以告诉你的是，

is that I'm imagining a future me

我正在想象一个未来的我

who is expanding her definition of what it means to parent.

成为父母意味着什么。

Who's perhaps finding what she craved from motherhood in other places.

她也许在其他地方找到了 身为人母所渴望的东西。

At a minimum,

至少，

this exploration has allowed me

这次探索让我

to loosen my grip on the identity of Mom just a bit.

稍微放下我对妈妈这一身份的渴望。

And I found it freeing.

我发现这种探索变得自由自在。

I'm beginning to see change with more possibility.

我开始看到有更多可能性的变化。

And I'm hoping you can, too.

我希望你也可以。

Thank you so much.

非常感谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）